06x25 - Margarita Problems!

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ MTV ♪

- It's f*cked up.

- So her father is not her father?

- I'm willing to bring back The Investigation.

- Yeah. - I think we should do a--

- Family fun trip--

- To Orlando!

- I'm gonna look funny in this, man.

- I was thinking Margaritaville.

- Perfect. - Hi.

- This is a big deal. - Did everybody else come?

- No, you're the only one. - Are you f*cking kidding me?

- But you'll hear it if you don't send a invite.

- Mike said Angelina's deliberately

making you look bad and she is not your friend.

- Wow. - Don't cry over this sh*t.

- No, this is f*cking frustrating.

- I know. - Oh, my God.

Tried to have a nice charcuterie.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- ♪ Uh, please believe my team is strong ♪

♪ Everybody wanna talk about once, but that's... ♪

- Honey, do you got a little stirrer?

Because somebody's stirring the pot.

- Is it you or is it her? - I think it was her at first.

- Oh, okay. - I think it was her at first.

- Mike is telling me there's been a lot of drama.

Angelina was calling out the girls

for not showing up to Lauren's store opening.

Mike telling Jenni that Angelina was talking sh*t.

- Listen, the truth is the truth.

- Now we have a whole mess on our hands

right before the "family fun trip."

Situation always finds a lot of things

that come across your desk, and you had a choice to make.

You said, "Am I gonna not bring this up to the girls,

or am I gonna tell them?" - Yes. So--

- [sighs]

- I don't lie. - You don't lie.

- I don't lie. - So you had to tell Jenni.

Any time Mike tells Jenni

that Angelina was talking smack about her,

there's gonna be a problem.

- JWOWW was like, "Excuse me,

do you mind if I say something about this?"

- Then he wants Angelina to keep her name out

her m*therf*cking mouth.

- Ooh, nice.

- ♪ Never see me pushed over ♪

♪ Best get looking like a four-leaf clover ♪

♪ Didn't come to take part, we came to take over ♪

- She gives a f*ck when she has a spotlight to show,

"Oh, look at me.

I showed up, but nobody else did."

- I'm saying exactly what I said.

I thought it was a little weird.

- Today was supposed to be a fun girls' day.

You have to talk sh*t. - How am I talking sh*t?

I'm just speaking the facts. - What's the facts?

- What facts? - That I couldn't make it.

- Charcuterie board, drinking,

like, a nice, fun girls' day.

- I can't even get my nails done, Angelina.

I have no time to myself.

- But, of course, it has to turn into this sh*t.

- The f*ck are we doing? This ain't no therapy session.

This is a charcuterie f*cking party.

- Yeah, sick charcuterie party.

- It's just too much.

Like, I don't understand why we all can't get along.

- You threw us under the bus. - First of all--first of all--

- You made it shady. We're over it.

- This is messy. - I'm making it so clear.

- Come on. - The same as the brunch.

We are not friends

because it is so f*cking damaging.

- Here it is. - Nobody wants you here.

- Okay. - Stop playing

that you can f*cking sit there,

talk sh*t, and get away with it,

'cause what we're gonna do... - I was stating facts about--

- Is I'm gonna call you out now

every f*cking single time.

- You just tried to throw me under the bus.

- It's not throwing you under the bus.

I'm f*cking stating facts. Hi.

I'm stating facts. Again.

- If I'm hearing something that you're talking about

my character-- - So you gonna listen to Mike?

You're gonna listen to f*cking Mike over me?

Mike said the same thing but in a different way,

and he was just too scared to tell Jenni

that he was hurt by her.

I feel like everyone should be here right now.

- I'm still allowed to be a little upset--that's all--

'cause I would have loved for them to be here, that's all.

- Why am I getting thrown under sh*t?

- We all-- - Because--

- When I'm speaking f*cking truthful sh*t?

- But you always have to play the victim.

- Oh, so Mike's innocent in this, and he--

- I'm not--no, I'm talking with you.

- Okay, give me a f*cking break.

He plays this f*cking-- - We're not talking--

- We're not talking about Mike. [all arguing]

- This is about you.

- The fact that Angelina

is digging her feet in

and saying that she is not wrong for saying,

"Oh, that was weird. You should have made it,"

that's what's setting me off.

- I don't trust you. You probably don't trust me.

And that's fine. We can be people

that see each other out and have a good f*cking time,

but that's what it is. I think we'll have

a lot less problems if we just have a good time.

- I think we're gonna have a lot less problems

if I don't speak.

- We need to get to the bottom of this.

I would love to see if Mike is still, like,

that little snake who likes to create some issues.

- This thing that just happened now

is disrupting the vacation. - Yes.

- Mike stirs the pot,

but Angelina definitely trash-talks.

I don't know what goes on because I haven't been here.

I'm gonna wait and see what really went down

before I make any judgments on anybody.

- I'm gonna be very quiet from now on.

- Is this is what you guys do all the time?

[laughs]

- Welcome to the sh*t show twilight zone.

- [sighs]

- Nacho party next.

- This whole little miscommunication

or this beef is making people feel bad

'cause they think Lauren feels bad.

They think I feel bad. They think Angelina's trying

to mess with our friendship, trying to mess with all this.

And then Ange is over here like,

"Why did you say something?"

- Which all that what you just said is the truth.

[both laugh] - Yes.

- You're like, you guys do feel a little bad.

- Yeah. - Angelina is trying

to f*cking mess with everyone's friendship.

She was finding a little bit of something true

but, like, instigating it. - Yes, yes.

- You know what I mean? Like, blowing it up more.

- Yes. - It's just interesting

that we have the trip.

[both laugh] - Yes.

- All this drama makes me think that Pauly has the right idea.

- Yeah, buddy.

- Pauly's on his world tour.

- I love tour this time of year.

- And now he has multiple residencies

across the country,

so he doesn't have to deal with the drama.

So Pauly's lucky.

This sh*t can get messy.

You're gonna have a lot of sit-down.

- Yes, it is a minor molehill in the scheme of things.

- [laughs]

- It is what it is, guys. It is what it is.

- Yes. - I don't know why

all the girls took Mike's bait again because...

they know he likes to sh*t-stir everything

in his life.

And I'm just--I'm disgusted.

- All right. Well, I'm good.

[laughs] I guess I'll just le-- - Want to head out?

- Yeah. - I appreciate--

Never mind. [laughs] I'm just gonna go.

- Okay. Bye-bye.

- Same. I'll walk out with you. - Okay.

- All right. Bye, guys.

- Love you. - Love you.

- Enjoy, meatball. - Bye.

Bye, Ange. I'll see ya. - Bye.

- So long. - Bye, guys.

- Have a good night.

- See you in Florida. - See you in Florida.

- Ooh, I could actually maybe go for a Stromboli

at this point.

- Mm-hmm.

[punchy percussive music]

- I just can't get outta here quick enough.

Now we gotta go to Orlando like this.

[gags] Is the best way to put it.

- Hi. - You all right?

- [tearfully] No. - What's up?

- I, uh...

[sighs] I just had, like, a moment.

I didn't think coming here, this was gonna be a thing.

Like, I literally went to his events.

- Ange, at the end of the day, I don't--

I don't care. - You know how Sitch is.

He's been like this-- - I do.

I definitely think Mike's an instigator.

He always is. - He's riled all you guys up.

Mike f*cked me over so bad.

I'll never trust Mike again.

Honestly, it's sad.

Do you see what he did? He made it--

- But you're involved in it.

- He's f*cking doing this again.

- I'm not doubting that Mike isn't instigating.

This is Mike now we're talking about too.

Like, I know him. - This is who he is.

He literally spun this. He's an as*h*le.

- But we'll have a discussion with him separate.

- No, no one's having a discussion with him.

He gets away with it. I'm not doing it.

I can't.

- This was really fun. - Yes.

- I can't wait to do it again.

Like, she can't just see we're upset and just be like,

"I'm sorry I said that and hurt your feelings."

But it's like, okay, like, Mike's upset

we weren't there. Like, I get it.

To say, "Yeah, that's weird.

Why didn't they move their schedules to come here?"

- We will talk to Mike.

- Like God forbid, like, you did something wrong

and we're upset about it?

- Maybe I came off strong. I'll admit.

- Thank you. - I maybe did.

There it is! Let me give it to you straight,

'cause you're getting your story a little twisted.

I have a business!

Do you know what it's like to run a business?

You wouldn't 'cause you don't have one.

But when I hear things, like,

when people talk about me-- I was being defensive.

- Yeah, how did you find out all this stuff?

- Hearsay. So I wanna wait and see.

I'm gonna trust him 'cause-- listen, I know Mike too.

I know there's things that are said.

I definitely think there's more to this conversation

than just the side I heard,

which is why I'm like, "I'll wait and see."

My friendship with you--

I'm not gonna just cut you off for this.

I don't want to. - [cries]

- You know what I'm saying?

- And then for her to be like,

"Well, I switched around things with my nephew."

I can't switch things around with my kids.

Last time I brought CJ to an event,

he was like, "I wanna go home, Mommy.

I wanna go home."

If I'm at Lauren's event,

they're not taken care of.

I have to take care of both my kids.

They're gonna be running around, touching things,

pulling things off the hangers.

Like, it wouldn't be fun for anybody.

- But the fact that we have to defend that...

- Like, it's crazy. - To her.

- At the end of the day... - I can't take this.

- When you're hearing bad things about you,

it's not a good feeling, and then--

- Sam, I've been hearing bad things about me

for a long time.

- Everybody makes mistakes. I make mistakes.

- Everyone makes mistakes,

but do they own up to their mistakes?

Does Mike own up to his mistake that he just did?

He just riled everybody up.

- Maybe Florida will be different.

- I just don't think I can be myself here anymore.

I just can't talk. I can't say anything.

[Rupert Pope and Giles Palmer's "Damage"]

- ♪ Don't bring your trouble here no more ♪

- The f*cking shade.

- ♪ You know the damage is done ♪

- Who is your daddy, and what does he do?

The Investigation has been working, baby.

This man right here has come up a couple times.

- No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Here we are, Orlando.

- Cheers to a drama-free family fun trip.

I don't know who's coming, but I'm just glad we made it.

- There's gonna be now--

Angelina's gonna fight with Mike about this.

- Is this what we're we're going into today?

- Yep. Yep. That's gonna be a big one.

- Cheers. - Cheers.

[mellow percussive music]

- So are you ready for the trip?

- I can't wait for the trip.

Talk about fun things that are happening.

- There is, like, clubs all over the place.

There's theme parks, so many places to take family photos.

- Cute. - It was a long day.

Go home. Relax.

- I can't go to Florida. I can't do this.

- Come on the trip 'cause I would like your man

to meet my man and it'll be fun.

We're gonna have a good time together.

- Sam, you came back. I leave.

- No. Oh, my God. Stop.

- If I had a dollar for every time I went on these trips,

and I knew I was gonna walk into drama,

I'd be f*cking a billionaire right now.

I'd be like Elon Musk.

I mean, I'd own Tesla.

Like, it's every f*cking time.

- It's just actions that were made

that weren't in the best light for you.

And it can be fixed.

So just stop. - It can't be fixed.

It hasn't been fixed in years.

- ♪ Safe to say I'm hot now ♪

♪ You're mine ♪

♪ You mine ♪

- Angelina's gonna be mad at you now.

- I don't know if I have any part in that.

- Nah, I don't think so. - Oh, no.

- I think you're-- I think you're just...

- No. - Clean as a whistle.

- I don't know how things have gotten so crazy so quickly.

But The Situation is not that serious.

We're talking about who didn't show up

at my wife's store opening.

- So what's it gonna be like in Orlando now

because you're gonna have to deal with the repercussions?

- Yeah, I know. There is a possibility

there'll be less smoke because the guy

that she's gonna have a sit-down with

found her faja.

- That would be good. You could be like,

"Listen, I know you're mad at me"...

- But-- - "Here's your f*cking dad."

- So maybe she'll just forget about this.

- I don't think so.

- Well, I want you to follow me.

- Let's do it. Okay.

- Listen, The Investigation has been working, baby.

And I'm gonna show you something

that I've been working on.

This is one of my finest works,

and I'm very excited to show Vinny my presentation.

Here is the easel. - [gasps]

The boards! - And the board.

- We've seen The Investigation get very messy.

Angelina, have you met my friend The Investigation?

- There was tons of messiness out in the streets.

- What is this sh*t?

- Who is your daddy and what does he do?

- I think now Mike says, you know,

maybe he could whip out The Investigation

for a positive reason, and I'm about it.

- The boards are back.

The Investigation is in the building.

Angelina Pivarnick is here.

This investigation all started with a DNA test,

and it showed her father was not her father.

- He's % not my father.

It's been really bad.

- This DNA test led us right here,

which is the Island of Staten.

- Staten Island is a small island.

Perhaps maybe one of my older family members

can know Angelina's father.

- I do agree. - Angelina's father

probably looks like a typical Staten Island guy

that's, like, out of shape, hairy chest,

that curses once every four words spoken.

But so does all of Staten Island.

So that's gonna be hard to narrow down.

- I have a subject that has come up a few times.

I'm not sure if he is the father or not.

But this man right here has come up a couple of times.

- Hey, be careful.

- Uncle Nino has run amok in Staten Island.

- I see your ba*ls. [bell dings]

- Nothing like a good cigar.

[laughs]

Oh, my.

Get the f*ck up. What the--oh.

I don't give a-- [bell dinging]

- The probability?

Okay? I have to put him on the board.

- What? I had sex with my relative?

- Maybe, yeah.

This man, as well, has come across my desk.

This is Gene Simmons. - Gene Simmons?

- Gene Simmons, yes. - Why?

- He has ran through Staten Island pretty much.

- Damn. I see the resemblance.

- Someone else that has come up in our search--

- No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I mean, she may have called me "Daddy,"

but I'm not her father.

- Yes. No matter how unlikely,

I have to put up all... - Possibilities.

- Of the possibilities, yeah.

- Okay, now you're just making sh*t up.

- The presentation really doesn't lead anywhere,

but it sounds very nice.

- As much as I love The Investigation,

we need some professional help.

- I believe that she's on her way.

- I don't think this board solved anything.

- I may have went as far as I can go.

- [laughs] You didn't go anywhere.

[Laplace's "My Blood Runs Cold"]

- ♪ Ooh, my blood runs cold in the darkest night ♪

♪ Night ♪

- [sighs]

That was really bad,

that whole thing that just happened.

It was really...

for Jenni to be like, "Nobody likes you,"

like, that's like--that-- you don't say that to somebody.

Like, that was what she really feels.

Hey, I was just gonna call you.

I don't need this in my life.

Jenni literally was like, "Nobody wants you here.

Nobody likes you, and we don't wanna f*ck with you anymore."

[upbeat rock music] - [gasps]

♪ ♪

That's right. They kicked the Green Ranger out

of the Power Rangers.

- I feel like I don't give myself enough credit

'cause I'm actually strong as f*ck.

I have bigger things to, like, think about in my life.

I can't--I don't wanna keep doing this over and over.

[Rankz's "Fly High"]

- ♪ Anything I see I just buy, no cap ♪

♪ And we livin', now I'm on the rise again ♪

- Okay, I know we've narrowed down our search,

but I think that with the genealogist,

we can really narrow down who--

- Is the daddy. - Exactly.

The Investigation has put together a ton of evidence,

but now it is time to bring in the big g*ns.

- Hi. - Hey. How are you?

Mike "The Investigation." How are you?

- [laughs] Nice to meet you, Mike.

- I'm Vinny. Just Vinny. - Hi, Vinny.

- If you don't mind, if you can take off your shoes.

- Not at all.

- Look, look. You--you--listen.

Listen--

- Okay. - So you are a genealogist?

- I'm an "investigative genealogist,"

private investigator. - Oh, my God. Stop it.

- So I work for people that are adopted,

looking for a child they gave up,

looking for a father.

That's my area of expertise. - Okay.

So our bestie here, Angelina Pivarnick,

she recently took a DNA test.

And to her surprise, she had found out

that her father was not her real father, outta nowhere.

- Did she suspect ever or--

- I mean, she said that she suspected.

- Had a gut-- - Yes.

Our searches have led to this.

We don't know where to go. - Mm-hmm.

- I'm not surprised

that this board hasn't really helped anything.

Just Mike being stupid.

But I have a lot of faith in Pamela.

- We feel that if you can point us in the right direction

and we can work together

that we can solve this situation

and put this case to rest.

- That's what I do best. - Yes.

Also so you know, I have spoken to Angelina,

and I got her permission.

I got a lot of resources in the streets,

and I am willing to bring back The Investigation.

- Okay. - I think that's very important

because I wouldn't do the case

without her permission, to be honest.

- Thank you. - So where do we start

with step one?

- So the first thing I'm gonna do

is go into the DNA.

And then the key to doing DNA

is finding the common denominator.

Here is the common person

that everyone is branching off of.

- So is there a chance that we come across a dead end

and my sidekick here can say,

"You are not"-- - "The father."

Yeah. - I have to tell you,

my success rate is really high--

both: Ooh! - So--

- So there might not be that opportunity.

- My question is, in your opinion,

'cause you know her really well,

is she ready for any outcome?

- Well, that's another thing.

We could come across some--

- Like she said, "Any outcome." - Results that are--

some results that are unsavory, you know?

And if we come across something that we don't believe

we should present,

then maybe we shouldn't, you know?

- That's tough because the truth is the truth.

So everyone deserves the truth. - Ooh, I like that.

- Right? I mean, she might not like who we find.

It happens, so as long as she's emotionally ready,

I'll help you. - Uh...

- Well, 'cause that scares me if she's not.

- She's not the most emotionally stable

person alive.

- She's very unpredictable.

I did get the permission.

She said she wants to do it.

She did say that between all of us

that we would have the wherewithal

to see this to the end.

- Okay. - So, like, do you have access

to the DNA tests out there? - So no.

You're gonna have to give me access to the DNA.

- Oh. - Okay.

- So you're gonna have to give me

her username and sign-on so--

- Okay, I think I can do that.

The thing is, there would just happen to be

a little disagreement recently--yesterday.

- Oh, my God. She doesn't care. - Oh.

- It just came up out of nowhere.

- Oh, my God. - Angelina showed up recently

to, uh, my wife's store opening.

But as soon as she showed up she said, uh,

"They're supposed to be your friends, right?"

- Oh, my God-- - I don't know.

- Can we stick to the topic at hand

and finding her father? - [laughs]

- He's bringing this up now? Classic Mike.

- I love the fact that she supported and she came.

But when she came, the content of the conversation

kind of made me feel some type of way 'cause--

- It's negative.

- 'Cause the other girls were there.

- I mean, Pamela's gotta be like, "What the f*ck?"

- But yesterday, my neighbor came over.

And my neighbor is JWOWW, okay? - Oh.

- She lives down the street. - They live minutes away.

- Like, three minutes away. He's such a hater.

- It's so cringe.

- So you might not be able to get the password on the DNA?

- No, I think I can.

I'll find a way to get the password.

- Okay. - So I'm thinking

that if we can accomplish this,

the little beef that might be out in the streets,

we could just--just forget about it.

- Mike, you met this woman five seconds ago.

- Fine. - Go get a therapist. Like--

- So when I told JWOWW about it, my neighbor,

who--we're all very close,

she went back today and told Angelina,

"Why would you do that?" - Anyway, the father.

- Hey, what's going on?

How you feeling? Still bad? - Mm.

[sighs] I'm just so drained, babe.

- Been a long day, huh?

- This was a very bad day for me.

All right. So I went to Mike's event.

I did it for them. I did it to be a friend.

And this is what he did to me?

The whole thing is crazy 'cause he told me

he wanted to help me find my dad the same day.

And he did this to me.

- I'd like to think the intentions of that were good,

but I don't know how he's showing that

by doing something like this here.

- Here I am opening up about my father stuff,

and then you go ahead and you do that to me?

He didn't tell them his feelings.

He felt horrible. - I don't get it.

- You wanted to save face for yourself.

And Mike should be ashamed of himself.

- I would think that after all the BS that you and Mike

keep butting heads and dealing with bullshit,

he wouldn't wanna, you know, start bullshit with you again.

- Mike also was--

he actually had part in my divorce.

- Chris reached out to Mike.

- It doesn't matter who reached out.

Like, the fact that, like,

he's taking phone calls from him

and he's literally spewing it out to you guys

and, like, riling you guys up.

Why would he ever get involved in my marriage?

- You had multiple side pieces. They got mad at each other.

Side piece wars happen. - Oh, my God.

- They became besties with your husband.

- Kiss my a*s.

Then I forgave him like an as*h*le.

- Let's go upstairs and relax.

- I can't believe this kid did this to me.

- You gotta get everybody right

because if this happens and I'm able

to find her father... - Yeah.

- We gotta make sure she's in a good head space.

- I think the thing between us is a miscommunication.

I told you what it was. It's not--nothing major.

- As soon as you get me the info,

I'll dive on it, and then it's gonna get real, guys.

- Wow. - I'm like

a heat-seeking m*ssile... - Wow.

- When I go into the DNA. - Wow.

- I'm very quick. I'm very precise.

- In and out. - If I can't do it, be worried.

- Okay, and I'm super optimistic about this.

I think that this could be the answer

to Angelina's problem.

- You say that, you know,

half-kidding, but it's the truth.

I mean, people that don't have closure,

there's this unsettled feeling,

and finding their-- whether it's good or bad,

finding their answers can just level 'em out.

- Like a void in their life. - Yeah, for sure.

- I feel that I did the right move

by bringing on Pamela.

Her success rate is extremely high,

so it's only a matter of time

before she finds who the daddy is

and we can get Angelina a little closure.

- All right. Great to meet you guys.

- Great to meet you too. We'll be in touch.

- Talk to you soon, okay?

- Get home safe and thank you so much.

- Bye, Pamela. - Bye, Vinny.

- I think it's gonna work out.

- Dude, after meeting her, she's legit.

Did you see that blazer? - Bro, she--

- She had on a blazer, the boots,

the blinged-out chain.

- She was not messing around.

- ♪ Yeah ♪ - ♪ Eeny, meeny, miney, mo ♪

♪ I'm gonna shine ♪

♪ You can't catch me off my tippy-toes ♪

♪ I'm gonna climb ♪ [cell phone dings]

- Speaking of Mike "The Situation"...

[screams]

What the f*ck? Like, he's an as*h*le.

Why would you check in on me after everything?

Like he gives a f*ck?

[exclaims]

It's a crock of sh*t.

You just wanna save face with me now

'cause you know what you just did to me.

This is not gonna be easy.

Mind blown.

[Nichole Night's "Play With Fire"]

- ♪ Yeah, buddy ♪

- ♪ Don't, don't, don't play with fire ♪

♪ Don't play with fire ♪

- My schedule is super crazy. I'm literally on tour.

This is my busy season.

- ♪ Don't play with fire ♪

- We've been crushing it,

city after city, state after state.

It's been really dope, but I'm really excited

for this family fun trip in Orlando.

I can't wait to see what this vacation has in store for us.

[upbeat music]

- ♪ Best self-esteem, yeah, we look clean ♪

♪ Tearing it up, me and the whole team ♪

♪ Ain't no competition out there this mean ♪

- So I'm getting ready for the family fun trip,

which doesn't sound fun to me.

We're gonna Orlando, which is like

eight-year-old spring break.

This isn't really my vibe.

Oh, no. Not this thing.

- ♪ Mm-mm, uh-uh, no way ♪

♪ Ain't nobody blocking my shot today ♪

- You got your suitcase? - [squeals]

- Oh, my. - Wow. You are so strong, dude.

- CJ, you got your swimmies? - We got 'em.

- You got your sunblock? No?

- Bathing suit.

I've never been on one of these trips before.

So what do you even pack?

Can't forget this.

- Guys, let's not unpack the suitcase.

Mommy packed the suitcase.

- Oh, I don't wanna f*cking do this.

I don't need to pack those 'cause I'm wearing that.

- All right. Let's get outta here, please.

- Kind of wanted you to pack outfits

so that you don't over-pack.

- I usually pack my favorite clothes, favorite shoes,

favorite pajamas, my favorite workout gear,

pretty much all my favorites.

- Family not-fun trip.

- ♪ Ain't no competition, don't try ♪

♪ Catching up gon' take them boys a while ♪

- I think it's gonna be an amazing trip for us.

Mom and Dad--okay? The babies-- - I know.

I think there will definitely be good vibes.

It's Margaritaville. Isn't that, like, chill?

- You would think. - [laughs]

I may have stirred the pot a little bit,

but I'm sort of confused because some of the topics

that we have beef in the past

were way more serious than this.

Maybe there will be

a little bit of a speed bump here and there.

- Yeah. - But I feel

that The Situations are in practically no drama.

Practically.

While she was there, she was stirring the pot.

- But then did you tell them that?

- You really f*cking threw me under the bus, Mike?

- [laughs] Yeah.

- Angelina's gonna be mad at you now.

- Practically. - Well, we can hope.

- Practically.

- Well, calm before the storm.

I wanna watch a nice movie.

And I wanna decompress before the week

with the drama post charcuterie boards.

I'm, like, stressed the f*ck out, okay?

After the brunch at Nicole's, I'm not really ecstatic

going into this Orlando trip.

I think I have a right to just not like someone

after years of this back-and-forth.

- What it came down to was you [...] getting put on blast

on my cell phone, running your [...] mouth.

- Get that f*cking finger in my f*cking face again.

- Okay, enough.

- "Angelina leaked costar Snooki, Jenni,

and Deena's wedding toast online to make them look bad."

- I think the friendship you made is now--

- We clearly do not get along in life.

There is clearly resentment on both sides

that we will never truly get over.

Any given moment, I feel like she can just throw me,

us, our relationship, everything, under the bus,

and I just can't do that anymore, so I'm done.

She constantly betrays me.

And I don't like who we are as friends.

And the best way I deal with that is

to just cut them out of my life.

Remember in San Diego and we were all fighting?

I just feel like that's gonna happen again.

I will, honestly, die inside if we have another day

like the first day in San Diego.

I'm not f*cking done. - My life.

- You never tell us what-- - You should have called me--

- I'm f*cking not done!

Margaritaville is gonna be beautiful.

The last thing I want is one of those days.

And I just feel like that's gonna happen again.

- Yeah, I'm gonna take a bet

that that does happen again because it's you guys, so.

- You ready? - Yeah.

I feel like I'm ready to go. I have everything packed.

And, you know, hopefully everything will work out.

After all the attempts to have no drama on this trip,

we're still going with fricking drama.

But I'm excited.

I'm all packed.

I have our shirts together.

All I know is, all this drama

better not derail my plans anymore.

I wanna just have fun on this trip, and that's it.

- It's Margaritaville. - Yeah, exactly.

If we're doing activities, there's no time for fighting.

And I have a lot of activities planned.

I'm sure this whole thing is probably

gonna put a damper on our family picture

when we get there, but we'll have to take one

at the end, I guess.

[scoffs] Hopefully.

- Yeah, buddy.

Yes, sir, Sammi doll's in the building.

What's up, Sammi? - Hello.

- Hands up one time for the Sammi doll.

- I'm the sweetest b*tch you'll ever meet.

- So I'm finally home from my epic DJ tour,

and I'm loving spending some quality time together

with the Sammi doll.

Yes, sir, we rocking it.

DJ Pauly D and the Sammi doll. Let's go.

- If you're not a guido, then you can get the [...]

outta my face.

- Sorry, Sammi, I don't take requests.

All right. Fine. What do you wanna hear?

- There is no Sam and Ronnie right now.

I'm done with it. - [laughs]

- Ron, stop!

[Extreme Music's "Let Me Help You"]

- ♪ Just let me help you ♪

[doorbell rings] - Oh, sh*t.

It's my therapist.

both: Hi.

- Come right in. How are you?

I decided to go to therapy

because I'm exhausted and emotional.

Okay, so this is for you.

I don't even know if I can go on this trip.

I come into this yesterday,

and it was a full-on, like, Angelina, like, bloodbath.

Like, if I had a genie in a bottle

and I can go like this,

I am done...

with being the scapegoat.

They didn't even give me a chance to, like,

say my truth and, like, what I said.

And it was just like, I was taken back--

- With them, you put up a pretty tough front.

- Mm-hmm. - One way to address it is say,

you know, "I want to apologize for my delivery.

And I shouldn't have responded the way I did."

- Yeah. I can try.

I just don't know.

♪ ♪

- ♪ You've always got someone ♪

♪ You're not ready for me ♪

♪ Don't you ever call me friend ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm the king and queen ♪

- Hey, you ready for this trip or what?

Keep your head up, girl.

All right.

The roomies are gonna love her.

Sammi does not look comfortable at all.

She is all jacked-up in this bag,

but it was the only one I could find that actually fit her.

I look ridiculous.

Talk about a family fun trip.

I need a luggage cart. [grunts]

The Sammi doll is gonna meet the real Sammi.

This is crazy.

- ♪ Yeah, boy, call on God ♪

♪ Most these haters talk silly, really wearing bras ♪

♪ Forget you and your whole squad ♪

♪ If you gon' blast, never pause ♪

♪ Give me drums and make 'em hard ♪

♪ Dip to Florida for the sunshine ♪

♪ Then took 'em overseas just to mess with they mind ♪

♪ It's our time ♪

- CJ, do you love it here?

Look at the palm trees. Do you see 'em?

This is Sam's first vacation with everyone.

- She might be a little shocked with--

- Shocked with what? - With thinking like,

"Oh, we're going on vacation and this whole fiasco."

- [screams]

all: Oh! - Oh, sh*t.

- Come on, boys. Look at her.

- Yo. - Oh, my God!

- I don't wanna sleep on-- - All right.

No one's saying you have to! - Yes, you guys--

- Oh! - What is happening?

- Ew.

- Aah! - [screams]

- Whoo! - Give me that titty, b*tch.

- We're like, "It's normal.

This happens all the time, Sam."

- Here we are, Orlando, the home of chain restaurants.

- Really? - Literally.

- Remember the Sizzler? That's old.

- I used to think that, like,

I was going somewhere fancy when I went to Sizzler.

- You miss Sizzler. It's, like, so old.

Okay, sorry.

I just can't believe I'm even here right now, honestly,

and just, like, enjoying life.

- I hate this stupid shirt. - I like pink.

Don't you own a T-shirt, like, that color?

- No. All I wear is gray.

- Oh, true. - I wear--

- Maybe back in the day. - Oh, yeah.

Back in the day. - In, like, Miami.

- Yeah, I was still figuring myself out.

- I'm coming into this trip, like,

whatever happened at the brunch,

let's just have fun and have a good time.

- Whatever happened in Jersey stays in Jersey.

- Exactly.

We have some drama coming into this trip,

so it's definitely not gonna be smooth sailing.

But I'm hoping once we get through those waves,

it will be.

I mean, it is what it is.

- Why does this always happen?

- This happens because certain people enjoy

to stir the pot, and it's more than one person.

It's not just one person.

I think that both Mike and Angelina

are being messy.

It takes two to tango, people.

And when they're both together,

it doesn't end well.

We shall see.

Some people love to just include drama

in their lives, always.

- Maybe that's their form of fun.

- Sometimes I think so.

- I heard that your girls' brunch was interesting.

- Who told you? - So I saw Mike

right after his store opening,

and you guys had just had the brunch.

- Yeah, it went to hell. - But it was up to him at--

like, me, I like to choose

the path of, like, least resistance.

So I wouldn't, like, go to the girls and be like,

"Oh, my God, Angelina was talking sh*t"

because that was where you're gonna cause a w*r.

This is, like, what he does. Like, he stirs the pot.

And then he kind of, like, puts his hands up...

- Like I didn't do anything. - "I didn't do anything."

Sammi hasn't been on a family vacation.

So, like, I don't think that Sammi knows

old Sitch still pops out once in a while.

- He probably was bitter that nobody,

like, came for his wife.

- Mike was definitely upset about that.

He--you know, he admitted it.

- He did? - Yeah.

Well, I think he told Jenni.

I don't know what the extent he told them.

- Now that Vinny is kind of explaining Mike's side,

I can totally see both sides and how this really went down.

- He's just still the troublemaker that he always is.

- Ronnie was just like, "Watch what happens, bro."

He's like, "I got, like, five girls

coming to the house right now."

- Guarantee--I'm predicting now there's gonna be now--

Angelina's gonna fight with Mike about this.

- This is what we're going into today?

- Yep. Yep. That's gonna be a big one.

- [laughs] Oh, man.

- ♪ Margarita, salt the rim ♪

♪ And kick your shoes off ♪

- Okay. We're here, guys! [gasps]

- CJ, come on. - Hey, Cam, we're here!

Yay!

Me and Chris come to Margaritaville

all the time in Orlando, and we absolutely love it here.

Who's excited? Look how pretty.

And I'm just excited to bring my roommates

to a place that I really love to vacation.

Hi, how are you? - Hello.

- They're gonna love it. - Can we get you guys

a welcome drink? It's our rum punch.

- Don't pull my arm.

- Coconut rum, grenadine. - Thank you. Thank you.

- Cheers to a fun vacation. - Cheers, cheers!

- Team Buckner.

All right. Let's do it, guys.

This is really good.

Come on in, Cam. Let's check out the room.

Oh, my gosh. Look how nice, guys.

Oh, wow. Pretty.

The hotel's beautiful. I hope everyone loves it.

You're gonna have so many activities

to do this vacation.

Who's ready for activities? - Me.

- I love this place, love Margaritaville.

Fins up, b*tches.

All right, Chris, why don't you help Gigi

into her room with the boys.

Mommy has to do some stuff.

[upbeat music]

Hello, Adam.

So nice finally meeting you. - Glad to meet you too.

- I have been in contact with Adam,

the activities coordinator.

Look at--you have a binder, and I have a binder.

- We love that. - [laughs]

So if the roomies say that they're bored

or something, I'ma be like, "Get real."

- Look at what we got going on here at the resort.

- Oh, I love that. - So basically,

we've got our activities planner here.

Tie-dye T-shirts, you get

to make your own custom design.

We have, like, almost ten different...

- I mean, I love T-shirts. - And all your colors, so.

- We have to make you a shirt then.

I would like to do a matching family photo.

Special shirts made for all of us.

- Great. - Get it? GTL.

- Cute. - And then bingo.

- The last time we played bingo, it got a little crazy.

- Who's picking these numbers?

I take this sh*t serious, man.

[both screaming]

- No way! No way!

I plan on planning as many activities as I possibly can

because I would rather that everyone be so busy

that they can't cause problems.

- All right. I love that. - I love planning...

- You're making memories that'll last forever.

- Planning parties, everything. - Yep.

- Yes, the memories.

Me and Adam are definitely besties.

- Love it.

- I feel like Adam is, like,

the male version of me.

- You guys like wine?

Okay.

- You know, I'm hoping

everything goes smooth with the roomies today.

Is there, like, a good restaurant right--

- I've got that for you.

- But you never with this group.

I love collabing.

- ♪ I don't need recognition ♪

♪ I'm on a mission, yeah ♪

♪ I'm paying dues, yeah, I'm in position ♪

- Oop.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Are you excited?

This hotel might be your favorite.

Poconos, San Diego, Florida Keys, New Orleans.

I think this one's gonna be your favorite hotel.

My kids are gonna have the best week of their lives.

But me, the odds of this trip being drama-free are zero,

actually zero.

I don't know who's coming, but I'm just glad we made it.

That's all I care about.

- This is supposed to be, like, an amazing suite.

- Oh, my gosh. - Oh, wow.

This is perfect.

- Let's see if the fridge is stocked.

- Stocked probably with margaritas.

- Yes.

- I figure we can make margaritas

for everyone.

I just hope there's no drama,

so let's just, like, try and start the trip off...

- Gotta distract everybody-- - With good vibes only.

- Look at this unofficial Margaritaville blender.

I've never seen anything like this.

- We're gonna figure it out.

What in the world? Wait. [gasps]

Maybe it doesn't go until there's something in it.

- We're gonna put all the ingredients in it

and then for it not to turn on?

- [laughs]

We're, like, dysfunctional right now.

- Oh, here it is. Look. Look. - Where? What?

Maybe not. - Wait, maybe on the bottom?

- It's not on the bottom. - What in the world?

- Where are the f*cking instructions of this thing?

This isn't going down either.

- I just hope that this machine

giving us trouble isn't, like, a bad sign to come.

I hate omens.

- This is broken.

- Margarita problems.

- It's definitely broken.

- They gave us a broken one on purpose.

[upbeat beachy music]

- Could it be the plug?

It was the plug. - It was the plug?

[blender whirring] [gasps] Okay.

- Sorry. - The plug the entire time.

- Whoa, fancy.

That machine's, like, impossible to work.

- That was ridiculous.

- Nice.

- Team Buckner.

Ugh, cheers, I'm just, like, not a tequila person.

- I must say, good rim job there.

- [spits]

I need one with, like, vodka in it.

Look at how pretty. [gasps]

Oh, maybe we can see the boys.

Oh, wait. Is that Cameron in the pool?

Yeah. - Yeah, look, look, look.

- They can't see me.

Game plan for today--

hopefully drama-free,

get everybody in here and situated.

- This might be one of the best margaritas I've ever had.

- Really? 'Cause it's made with love, babe.

- Yes. - Take some photos.

Get dinner.

- Everyone had a long travel day.

- Yeah, let's just have a good day.

Cheers to a drama-free, hopefully,

fun-filled family fun trip.

- Cheers. - Cheers.

- All right. Come on, honey.

[Stacy Wilde's "Here Comes Trouble"]

♪ ♪

- I just want us to get to the hotel.

Oh, look, that's our resort.

- ♪ Here comes, here comes, here comes ♪

♪ Here comes trouble ♪

- All passengers, please buckle up

and prepare for a little turbulence

as we begin to make our final descent.

Welcome to Orlando, Florida.

- ♪ Trouble ♪

- Well, my liver's gonna punch me in the face

at the end of this trip.

I wanna f*ck sh*t up, m*therf*cker.

- Yay! - Look at me!

- I think I'm gonna puke. - Aah!

- Cheers, b*tches.

- Tanks are here! - Oh, my God.

- What the--

- Operation find Vinny a wife.

On the count of three, what's your plan?

both: One, two, three, strip club!

- All right, let's go to the club, b*tches.

- It is a strip club. - And a strip steak?

- Yes, please.

- Samantha, we are initiating you.

all: Dirty Sam!

- I hate wine out of plastic. So unclassy.

- Well-- - But it's okay.

- We are hot, and we are sexy. - Yeah, that's a problem.

- To a good drama-free vacation.

- [gags] Holy sh*t ba*ls.

- I know I have to confront Mike on this trip.

- Where are you? - sh*t. This is not good.

- Well, here we are in the middle again.

- Yeah, literally.

- You, like, ruined my relationships with them.

- Yes. - Why you so scared of Jenni?

- I am not scared of anyone. - You are. You are.

- There's pot stirring that just doesn't stop.

- These tables are unflippable.

- Oh, my God. - I had a dream Sam came back.

- This is Justin. - Hi.

- I'm nervous to bring Justin around this group.

- My boyfriend radar has been off.

- No. You don't say?

- I don't want any, like, bad vibes

or old boyfriends to show up.

- Ron just texted me, said he is on his way.

- Oh, my God. - Today?

- Holy sh*t. - Bring him in.

- I wanna start by apologizing to you guys.

The last year I have lost a lot of the women I loved.

- I have been able to locate Angelina's father.

both: Oh, my God.

- [laughs] Today was very emotional.

I think I need to change my tampon.

- I ain't never drove a tank before.

- Snooki, Snooki!

- Come on, Chris. - Meatball down.

- I'm sorry.

- Yo, Vinny, you can't do that.

- They got a shower here? - Rim job.

- f*ck being polite.

We 'bout to get wild for the night.

- Mm-hmm. - It's not who wrote the note.

Now it's who put the note in Sammi's room.

[dramatic music]

[laughs]

all: "Jersey Shore: Family vacation!"

- Wait, wait, wait, wait.

You gave the stripper your phone number?

- I mean, who else would this be?