06x22 - The Sweetest Birthday

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ MTV ♪

- Jenni and Angelina just do not get along.

You guys both obviously have big issues.

Like, you don't even care to talk.

- I don't give a f*ck anymore.

- Oh, wow.

- What the f*ck? - Oh, my God.

It's an alien! - Is that the mother ship?

- Oh, my God! What the f*ck?

It's a straight line!

- We need to get inside, guys!

- [sobbing] I don't want to be here.

I don't wanna f*cking die with you f*ck.

- It's prank w*r. This is w*r.

No one's safe. But did we--

[record scratch] Did we go too far?

- Oh, my God! all: Whoa!

- Give me the f*cking keys!

- Deena just took off.

- Leave me alone!

I need to go home!

[upbeat music]

- Yeah, buddy!

- Party's here!

- The Situation is under construction.

- We're so classy now.

- On the seventh day, it'll be lit.

- Get the frig out of here, you crazy!

- Um, hello?

- I'm still the sweetest b*tch you'll ever meet.

♪ ♪

[eerie music]

[dog barking]

♪ ♪

- Look at that.

What is that?

- Stay inside. - Let's go. Let's go.

- They asked us to stay inside, Dee.

- Come on. - I want to be with my kids.

- Someone just said, "What's happening?

Was that a UFO?"

- They did say the mother ship is on its way.

- This prank is definitely going better

than I could've ever expected. - [sobbing]

- I knew it. I knew it.

It was real. - Everybody needs to be inside.

- That's it. - No. We got to go.

- If this is, like, the last day on Earth--

- We have to f*cking leave!

- This is chaos.

We see the lights outside.

- [sobbing]

- The girls are freaking out.

- I'm never leaving my kids again.

- Sammi's calling her mom.

- I don't want to f*cking die from aliens right now, Mom.

both: Welcome back, Sam.

- I'm having a panic attack.

- If you're here, give us a sign.

- Oh, my God! all: Whoa!

- I'm never leaving my kids again!

- When sh*t goes down, you better get the supplies ready.

- Who the f*ck would do that prank?

That's f*cked up.

- [laughing] Don't look at us. - Don't look at us.

Prank w*r champion!

[overlapping yelling]

- as*h*le!

- Prank w*r champion!

- It's a prank!

- Prank w*r champion!

You should've seen your face, man.

You should've seen your face! - My heart.

Honestly, f*ck you guys.

- Gotti! - No.

- I don't feel good.

- 'Cause you got us with the dead body.

- Yeah. Welcome back, Sam!

- f*cking as*h*le.

- [sighing] Oh, my God.

I thought Ron was gonna show up.

What the f*ck goes on in this house?

- Guys, come look. Look at this.

Oh, my--come look at this.

- Oh, my God!

[all exclaiming]

- Prank w*r champion!

Prank w*r champion!

Prank w*r champion!

Did you see that, bro?

That's what happens when you prank

a prank w*r champion. - Yup.

- That's how it goes down.

- You got me, baby. - I got you good.

[laughs] - You got me.

- Damn, that's so cool. - Oh, that's so cool

how they all come down.

- That's epic.

- Bro, that went better than expected.

- That hit so hard.

- How many times can you guys get f*cking pranked?

- Prank w*r.

- My God.

- We put the inside outside.

Basically, we pranked the whole damn house.

- Wait. He has a dead body.

- Is that Angelina?

- If you're not a guido then you can get

the [...] out of my face.

all: Oh!

- I think that's gonna go down in prank w*r history.

- Honestly, Pauly, f*ck you.

f*ck you guys. f*ck that.

- Wave that white flag, 'cause that was epic.

- We come in peace,

like the aliens. - Yeah.

- Nobody want to deal with an alien

at : p.m. on a Sunday evening.

- Mom, the craziest sh*t just happened right now.

They acted like aliens are coming.

I'm so upset right now.

- Why? [chuckles]

- No, It's not funny.

- Nicole?

Honey? Are you OK?

- I'm talking to my mom.

Hold on. - OK.

She's talking to her mom.

- It's not real.

- I thought it was real.

And now it's a joke and everyone's laughing. Ha ha.

- Even if it was real, even if this sh*t was real,

and the alien walked inside, I still wouldn't believe it,

'cause, like, once you go dead body,

you can never go back.

You have no idea how terrified and, like, gut-wrenching

finding the dead body in the Florida Keys was to me.

- Guys, let's get cameras down for a minute.

- Somebody straight-up got m*rder*d.

- What? - So?

Where can you tell us to f*cking go?

- So is this what usually happens on vacations?

- Oh, yeah. - Pretty much.

- Yup. Pretty much.

- Maybe I'm not coming on the next one.

[laughter] - Yeah.

- This whole thing was because

they were trying to get back at me.

Come on. Let's go down.

- I was just fight or flight,

and I really believed that that was happening.

And I was-- like, it's just f*cked up.

I'm not trying to fight with you guy.

That was just really f*cking terrible.

- What you did to us in the Keys--

- That sh*t was way worse. - I literally

cried myself to sleep. - Sorry.

- So, like, payback's a b*tch.

- Why are you mad at me?

- Well, with the prank that she did, it was way worse.

It was a f*cking disaster.

- You guys got me back. - It's just such an extreme.

- Congratulations. - OK.

- So why are you annoyed? - Ooh.

- It was just so excessive tonight.

[tense music]

- [scoffs] OK, Jenni.

Play with your hair.

- This prank is so good that it is literally causing a fight.

- When she got scared, I was like, maybe it's real.

- OK. - [huffs]

- It's kind of like, now you get to see what we did.

The roles were reversed...

- That's fine. - In the Florida Keys.

- You kind of got a taste of your own medicine.

- I hate all of you.

- This is the biggest prank

in "Jersey Shore Family Vacation" history,

but we need to lighten it up a bit.

Is this too much?

Nah.

- Winning.

- Good night, guys. Love you. See you tomorrow.

- Good night. - I'm getting a sandwich.

You want an Italian sandwich? - Yes.

- 'Cause I'm getting it. - Yes.

- How do you turn it on?

- I think you get in first.

- Do I look scary?

- No.

- [monotonously] "Jersey Shore Family Vacation,"

we come in peace.

Alien invasion! [alarm blaring]

- Really, Vinny?

- I didn't just see it all.

- The fact that you guys did th--

- I literally can't believe I fell for that prank.

I literally hate both of you.

I f*cking hate both of you.

- Look at his fingers!

- Alien invasion!

[laughter]

[playful music]

- Stop.

♪ ♪

- I'm peeing my pants.

- Stupid. - Stop it.

- He's doing the running man.

He's doing the f*cking running man, OK?

[laughter]

- You guys are great aliens.

He's still going.

Stop!

[laughter]

- I wanna go to sleep.

Bye. - Good night.

- I'm upset at the alien prank.

I don't like it.

I don't condone it.

I mean, I love aliens, but I'm not ready for that.

- All right, good night, Alien Pauly.

- Good night, Alien Vinny.

DJ Pauly D, out.

- ET, Extra Testicle, out.

Good night.

[upbeat music]

- ♪ Hey, hey ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Hey ♪

[line trilling]

- I feel like crap waking up this morning

'cause I did not sleep all night

because I still was scared aliens were coming for me.

Mom?

- Yes?

- You were right. You were right.

It was a prank.

- Are you OK?

'Cause you did not sound good.

- No, I was having a panic attack.

I don't want to f*cking die from aliens right now, Mom.

I'm not even kidding.

- Mommy?

- Hey.

- Love you. I'm still alive.

- There's no aliens here.

- She's the type to stab you in the back

and then ask you why you're bleeding.

- This is Mike. This guy loves to stir the pot.

- Sometimes when she decides you're the enemy,

you're the enemy.

- [gasps] - What?

- Sam's birthday is tomorrow.

- Cake coming. We're gonna go pick it up now.

- Remember that time in the Keys

when it was my birthday coming up...

- Mm-hmm. - And we just

didn't do anything?

- But you don't really like parties like that, so.

- Nah, no, no. - No, I would love a party.

- And I love birthdays. - Exactly.

both: Yay.

- ♪ Picture perfect, know my worth ♪

♪ I know I'm priceless ♪

♪ Confidence for days, and I ain't tryin' to hide it ♪

- Ooh, good morning, guys. - Good morning.

How are you? - Oh, hey, Sam.

- Morning, Sam. - What's up?

I'm back. I'm still here. - Mm-hmm.

- That's what you get for coming back.

- I feel like you all look the same.

- You as well. - Nothing's changed.

Same hair. Same hair.

- Mike went to prison for a year.

- I did.

- Like were you sh1tting yourself?

- No.

I mean, listen, it was a horrible experience.

- Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino pleaded guilty

to filing false tax documents from to .

- But if you have a positive mindset,

you can really turn that setback into a comeback.

- That's sick. I'ma have to check it out.

- You know? - Cool.

- And I think the phrase is,

"When the fire inside of you is burning brighter

than the fire outside of you, that is a winning..."

- You're very uplifting these days.

You're very positive and uplifting.

I love it. - Put it on a shirt.

We've all heard Mike's corny T-shirt lines

eight thousand times.

- The comeback is always

greater than the setback, honey.

We didn't come this far just to come this far.

Tough times make even tougher people.

Turn those Ls into leftovers!

- I mean, this is so exciting for Mike.

He gets to say his quotes

that he recycles from other people

to a new person like it's the first time.

- How long have you been in a relationship with your man?

- Um, like-- it'll be two years in July.

With what? - Questioning.

No, that's literally what I asked Angelina.

- Oh, not me. I don't care. - No, I'm joking.

- I would tell you to shut up. - It was a joke.

- [laughing] I would tell you to shut up.

- Oh, yeah, that's-- - That's one of the questions.

- Watch your tone. - Speaking about Ange,

did you guys ever talk? - Oh, yeah.

- No, we never talked.

- Oh. - Oh, you didn't?

- Is it gonna bite you in the a*s

if you don't address it and just--

- It's gonna bite her in the a*s either way.

- Either way, it's gonna bite me in the a*s.

Fighting a fight that's not worth fighting,

because in six months we do it all over again.

- I don't want any more of this

so let's try to turn over a new leaf.

I honestly don't want to keep fighting with you.

It's a lot on my mental, on your mental.

Next time just come to me. Like, I--

- I'm sorry.

No matter how awkward it got,

I'm really happy that we're all leaving like this.

[weak cheers]

- I'm still evaluating things with her.

- You're gonna learn, and you'll form your own opinion.

You're smart. You'll see.

I think Sam will learn for herself

that Jenni and Angelina, this is just, like, what they do.

They fight and they make up.

Their relationship is a bit dramatic,

I guess you could say.

Back when Vinny and I, when we got engaged,

you guys were all shocked.

But I appreciate the shock

'cause you guys were caring for me.

- You guys asked questions, and I was fine with it.

- Yeah, you were caring for us. - Yeah.

- Oh, my God! - In holy bro men-trimony?

- Yes, I do!

I do! - Aah!

He said yes!

He said yes!

[applause]

He said yes!

That just shows me that you guys care.

- Yep. - To me,

I wasn't here, so I don't know.

I'm just hearing-- I'm hearing two sides.

Like, I hear Angelina's, and I hear--I don't know.

You guys got a lot of history.

I just don't want Angelina to have problems with Jenni.

You can't just keep it balled in

because if you keep it balled in,

you're gonna explode one day,

and that's not gonna be good.

- But who knows?

Maybe it's gonna just blow over.

- Wait, we gotta get the wine first.

We f*cking should have came down here this whole time.

Mm-hmm.

Cheers.

Sam doesn't drink like us, huh?

- No one drinks like us.

- So how did you think everything went?

- Jenni literally cried when she saw her.

- It was a very different reaction when I came back.

- 'Cause you were mean.

- I will say that the vibe with Ange is good.

But I want to be the realistic one

to say that it's because, you know,

Sammi came in, and everyone's in sort of, like--

they're shocked, and they're happy at the same time.

But once that shock starts to fade, I think that,

you know, real feelings will eventually come out.

- I'm an as*h*le sometimes.

I would never sit here and be like,

I'm perfect, I'm a saint.

I do f*cked-up sh*t in my life.

Like, I'm not a perfect human. But none of us are.

- I just don't know why you don't get along with her.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - No.

- And then why sometimes we don't--

she doesn't get along with me.

But then when we see each other,

and we're doing this,

it's, like, not the same way anymore.

- 'Cause I think you guys actually do like each other.

- Oh, my God!

- t*tties out Wednesdays.

- It's actually Monday.

- I don't even know what day it is anymore.

- They went out.

- They just left me like--

me and you like two assholes?

- Well, I didn't leave you. - Thank God.

- [cheering]

- You should remember this. This is how much I love you.

Please raise your glasses up and let's cheers.

Happy birthday! Whoo!

- Thank you, Ange.

- They always say like, you have that one sister

that, like, you get along with, but then you don't.

You know what I mean? - Right.

That's her.

- I talk too much, I think,

but it's not easy to argue with her sometimes.

- Are you friends?

- We are friends. And we really do

try to look out for each other.

But she's the type to stab you in the back

and then ask you why you're bleeding.

[tense hip-hop music]

She'll even rob you

and then help you look for it.

- This guy loves to stir the pot,

and it's adding fuel to the drama

and not extinguishing it.

- We are cool right now, but sometimes

when she decides you're the enemy,

you're the enemy.

- Ugh.

- No more drama, please. - I know.

- God willing.

- Mike, you do talk a lot.

- It's true. I do. - You do talk a lot.

I do. I do. I do. - You do.

- I'm f*cking over it, bro.

Like, shut up. - Stop.

- No, you'll see though, once the dust settles.

- ♪ Automatic ♪

♪ Automatic ♪

♪ ♪

- All right, Dee, you're almost ready?

- Yeah, I'm ready.

- Nicole? - Yeah?

- We're leaving. - OK.

- Guess what time it is, guys?

Group hug time.

Come on.

Group hug time.

- Well, unfortunately, Deena and I have to go home.

- Yeah, I don't have a sitter.

- All right, this isn't an interview.

- Don't have too much fun without us.

- Bye, guys. Love you guys.

- Bye. - Bye, guys.

- What are we doing?

- "Stop" on three... - OK.

- In Sammi's voice.

One, two, three.

all: Stop!

- Bye.

- I'm actually sad.

It is a weekday, which means school,

school activities, and all things children.

You know, mom sh*t.

So unfortunately, we have to leave a day early.

But at least I didn't have to have

the sit-down with Angelina.

[laughs]

- Yeah, I think Sam coming, you know, broke the tension.

I can't believe Ange was the one that got her to come.

- Right?

- I feel like you and Angelina have, like, some sh*t.

- I know how to push her buttons,

but with me, it's, like, playful.

So it's not, like, real.

- Before I came in here, obviously we had a car ride

down here, and she was going off

with, like, the Jenni situation.

What's their deal? What's their beef?

Like, is this gonna end up bad soon or--

'cause they obviously didn't talk.

- A lot of times they'll kind of

brush stuff under the rug.

- Angelina and I had no beef.

- At one point at the dinner,

you guys were, like, really get--

like, you know, like, getting along.

- And then, like, when you least expect it,

they'll brawl.

- No need for the sit-downs because it's just

gonna happen again. - Yeah.

- The problem is, sometimes they become

like sisters with each other, and then they keep feeling,

like, betrayed, so I'm like--

- Mm. That's a good way to put it.

- Sometimes Jenni and I, our sh*t,

not normal.

None of it makes any sense.

- Yeah, but you're the one thinking things in your head.

- There's been things, Nicole, she's done to me

in the past that wasn't just in my head.

both: "I'm the Kim Kardashian of Staten Island."

- With what a*s?

- I'm telling you, I'm not talking--

- You can stay and get your [...] a*s beat.

- OK. - You can stay and get

your [...] a*s beat. - All right.

But like I said, we are the same in certain ways.

I just don't understand it.

It's f*cking-- isn't it so weird?

- Well, then just stop it.

Angelina and Jenni, they're always fighting.

I mean, we're sisters. I get it.

But with them, nothing can ever move on.

It's just always has to keep going in circles.

And I just do not want to be involved in this sh*t.

- It's weird.

- So I'm like, if you just stay not sisters

with each other and just acquaintances,

then you'll have less expectations, you know?

- Honestly, they handled it pretty well this weekend,

like, having, like, that much drama and beef,

and, like, they chose to be mature and, like, just--

- No, Sam, like, eventually it'll blow up

when we least expect it.

- Really? - Mm-hmm.

You were a good distraction though.

- [gasps] - What?

- Angeliners. - What?

- Sam's birthday is tomorrow.

- You want to do something?

- Yeah, it's her birthday.

We should do something for her.

Tomorrow is Sam's birthday.

I had no frickin' idea.

We have to celebrate her.

Wait, Vinny's gonna die. - [buzzes lips]

- I don't want to tell Vinny that it's Sam's birthday party

because Sam just got back, and it took Vinny, like,

years to get a birthday party with us.

Like, the b*tch just got back,

and she has a birthday party now?

- I'm dying.

- It's my birthday. [chuckles weakly]

- Yo, Vinny. Happy early birthday.

- Oh, appreciate you, man. - Happy early birthday, man.

- Oh, hell yeah.

- No one seems to remember that it's my birthday.

- Do you want to throw a little birthday party?

- f*ck yeah. Let's do it.

- Let me text the boys.

- What kind of cake?

- Wait, let's not tell Vinny.

- No, don't tell him. - 'Cause then it's a surprise,

and then he's pissed off.

Come downstairs.

- [chuckles] - Oh, is that me too?

- Mm-hmm.

- Be right back.

- Excuse us.

- Oh. - What the hell?

Well, this is weird.

- Hey. - Hi.

- What's happening?

- Sam's birthday is tomorrow.

- OK. - I think we should

get her a cake. - Oh, definitely.

- We should throw her a little birthday party.

- Ooh, yeah. - But I told you not

to come down without Vinny

because Vinny's gonna freak out.

- He's gonna be like, damn, even she got a party,

and she been gone for ten years.

- That's what I'm saying. - Yeah.

- We take birthday seriously around here,

and we never miss a squad member's birthday ever,

unless it's Vinny.

- But, yeah, we have to get a cake.

- Mm. - So I figure I'll order it,

and then you guys can go pick it up.

- OK. - And then we could stay here

with Sam and Vinny and--

- Without me? That's weird.

- Are you jealous? You seem a little bitter.

- I don't know. I'm always with Pauly.

- I think you're jelly.

- [sighs]

- Well, Vinny doesn't get a birthday again.

- Yeah, yeah. - No, he literally had one...

- He had half of one. - With strippers.

- You hijacked that party, but still, he had party.

- I'm sorry. - Yeah, you ruined it.

- I love you, Ange,

and I hope that you'll marry me.

- Oh, we just met him yesterday!

- All right, well, there goes my birthday party.

- Yep, Vinny's birthday was done.

Like, whatever. Like, sorry, Vin.

You had your birthday. You had strippers.

- Happy birthday, Vinny!

- We decorated the room.

I put chooch for you.

- This party sucks.

- You're lucky I even did that. I love you, but f*cking sh*t,

like, I put a lot of effort in that sh*t.

- So you're not gonna tell him where you're going?

- No, we are. We're gonna make him do everything.

- He's gonna come with us. - OK.

- So he's gonna help us get the cake,

get the balloons. - OK.

- I don't like that Pauly

and Mike were just pulled aside

'cause I don't trust them.

- So not only is it not his birthday,

but he has to work. - Yeah.

[laughter]

- He has to work at the party. - Poor Vin.

- Sam's been here for hours.

- Not even. both: Been gone for ten years.

- And she gets a birthday. - She gets a birthday.

- Should we go down? - Usually I'm involved...

Something isn't right.

- Let's do this. Operation Birthday.

- Yes, Operation Birthday. - Let's do it. Let's do it.

- Chooch, you're coming with us.

- Yeah, let's go.

- ♪ Uh, I'm here to stay ♪

♪ When I pull up, they be feeling a way ♪

- So it has occurred to us... - Mm-hmm.

- That it's actually Sammi's birthday.

[music distorts and stops]

So we thought maybe we'd throw her a sick party.

- I don't know if this means that they love Sammi more

or they just hate me.

- So we got a cake coming. We're gonna go pick it up now.

- We don't have to though.

Like, remember that time in the Keys

when it was my birthday coming up,

and we just didn't do anything?

- But you don't really like parties like that, so.

- Nah, no. - Nah, I would love a party.

- And I love birthdays. - Exactly.

So we might as well throw a party.

both: Yay.

- [chuckles]

- I might even DJ this m*therf*cker.

- Um, I don't know about that.

- ♪ Turn me up, turn me up ♪

- ♪ Woot woot woot ♪ - ♪ Turn me up ♪

- So what do you think it should say

on the birthday cake?

We gotta put "stop" in there somewhere.

- Yeah, so "Stop! It's Sam's birthday."

- [laughing] OK. All right.

- Oh, you guys are going wild. - Yep.

- Yeah, we're gonna do it right.

She deserves it.

We just keep making jokes.

So Vinny's extra salty that we want

to throw a party for Sammi and she just got back.

- Remember, like, my birthday got hijacked by the engagement?

- Mm-hmm. - We can just continue it.

- No. I don't think so.

But maybe next year around November-ish.

- If we're all together. - If we're all together,

which I'm booked in November, so I won't be there.

- This is whack.

I deserve a birthday.

We had parties for Mike,

no birthday party for me.

And now I'm supposed to be excited?

No.

You guys spent the whole day ignoring me on my birthday.

- Did we? - Yeah?

- You sure? - I don't remember.

I don't recall. - [chuckles]

- I do not recall.

- So if I would have left for ten years,

then you guys would have thrown me a party?

- Probably not. - Probably not.

- But still, either way,

Sam's birthday is coming.

I love birthdays.

You just had your party, chooch.

So now you can cook us some damn burger.

- Should we get more white wine?

- Yeah. - Honestly, now that I'm here,

I feel like a part of me has been missing for so long.

You know? Like, friendships.

I feel like I looked at you guys like sisters.

- Totally. - And it feels like that.

I am so surprised with how natural it felt to be back.

I feel like these people are my family,

and I just was gone, like, on vacation for a few years.

That's what it feels like.

I thought I was an adult back then.

Like, we were babies. - Oh, same.

- I feel like, especially in Miami,

me and you didn't leave off on bad terms,

like, except for, like, the note.

- The note is officially-- like, it's a part of my life.

- The first night at bed, when you left crying...

- This is gonna be so bad.

- What is that?

- You tell me.

I found this note that pretty much told me

everything Ron has done to me here.

They wrote the note?

Ah! Stop! Stop!

And now I can laugh about it.

I was, like, more upset that it was like,

wait, is everybody f*cking with me?

- Yeah, it wasn't-- if I had to go back,

I would tell you to your face.

- I was . I was so dramatic back then.

If the note happened now, I think I would've

handled it a little bit differently.

I've become the strongest person I can be

at this point in my life.

- Yeah. Made you who you are.

- But you can't get back those years.

Time is so short on this Earth.

Do not frickin' waste it over a man if it's not working out.

I thought in my s, like, I had to be married.

I had to find my, like, future husband and, like,

I'll never find the next love of my life ever again.

Like, I was so scared. And now it's like,

you kind of accept things for what they are, I think,

better now in your s.

- We are getting older though.

That I think about.

- We are. - Yeah.

- What, like, kids-wise? - Yeah.

- It sucks to be a woman, like, at this age.

- %. - It really is terrible.

It's terrible. It sucks.

- Do you know if you can have kids?

- Me? - Yeah.

- I think so.

I got my eggs frozen. I got eggs.

At , I thought truthfully I would be, like,

married with kids, living in some house somewhere,

and it's just not where I'm at right now in my life.

I'm not rushing.

I don't want to feel that pressure to do that.

I don't want to feel like--

- Does he talk about it with you?

- Yes. He's amazing. - That's good.

- I don't want to get older at all.

- It's the age, I guess. - I don't want my birthday.

- It's scary. - Your birthday is on Tuesday.

It's tomorrow. - Tomorrow.

- Tomorrow. - Your birthday is tomorrow.

- I don't want it. I'm over it.

I don't want it. - Well, you know.

- I love birthdays so much.

I'm glad we can celebrate everyone's birthday

when we're together.

- I can't wait.

I'm in the mood for some cake.

Oh, it's gonna be an amazing moment tonight

with Vinny on the grill when it starts snowing.

[laughter]

Millie's Bakery, kid.

[hip-hop music]

All right, here we are, boys.

- This is it? - Yep.

♪ ♪

- Welcome to the bakery.

- Hello. - Hi.

- Well, it's somebody's birthday today.

- You need a cake. What do you need it to say?

- "Stop," but it's not gonna be spelled the usual way.

- Thank you. - It's gonna say,

both: S-T...

- A... - A...

- H-P? - A...

- How many As can you fit? A-A-A...

- Three As? - H-P?

- Let's do... both: S-T-A--

- How much for another A? Is it extra?

- No. - All right.

H-- - H-H...

both: P. - H-H-P.

Yeah, two Hs is key. - OK.

- Stop-- - "Staaahhp."

- She's been gone for ten years.

- So she deserves a birthday. - Oh, yeah, she needs--

she needs a special cake.

- I love birthdays.

- So do I.

- All right.

- I'm getting drunk. This is my list.

Health is wealth. - [blows raspberry]

That's not here.

- Yeah. - OK. Oh, my God.

- Let's go. - Whoa.

She's--she's ready to go.

- Ange, you little f*ck.

- Oh! - Oh, f*ck!

Nicole.

- Ooh, that was a nice catch.

What are you, an Avenger?

Ooh. - Not terrible.

- [gasps] No.

- [laughing] - The chair--b*tch.

- I'll let you go again. - b*tch!

- It's fine. I'll let you go again.

- When you rally with me,

and me and you are like, we're dirty sad,

so we stay out, and we, like, kick it with each other,

and we just hang out.

- I can't hang with you b*tches.

- I've always rallied. - You definitely can.

- I'm Jenni, but-- actually, I'm not Jenni.

- You two are different. - Yeah, no.

You're not like Jenni at all. - We're different but the same.

Like, we're different but the same.

- You're-- - I looked--

like, OK, can I be real with you?

- Yeah, oh, yeah. - Jenni's like the boss.

- I didn't know that f*cking Jenni

was the head f*cking mafia boss.

- She has a lot of connections.

- %. - She's the smartest person.

If you need anything, she's got you.

At the end of the day... - No, she's our mom.

- I feel like Jenni's got you no matter what.

- What the f*ck?

- We should celebrate Sam's birthday every year.

- Is that birthday cake?

- No, they're-- oh, that's the Funfetti.

- Ohh. - Whoa!

My man. - Now you've done it.

- Listen, you can let yourself loose

and get what you want.

- Let yourself loose?

Oh, he does. He's a stripper.

- Hey, it works.

It works. - Whatever, whatever.

- Mama Millie is the sh*t.

- This is the place to be, in the bakery.

- She reminds me of my Aunt Shirley.

I love sweets. She loves sweets.

She has a lot of love to give.

This is the best day of my life.

Oh, that's decadent!

- All right, guys.

all: Wow. - How's that?

- "Stahhp... it's Sammi's birthday."

♪ ♪

- You're in trouble, she's got you.

She knows who to call. - Even if you're fighting

or you're not OK... both: She's got you.

- She always knows somebody.

She knows how to, like, get out of something.

- No, she's a great f*cking friend.

- She is.

- Am I in the f*cking twilight zone here?

Like, I have no clue what is going on right now.

- I feel, from this weekend,

they're not being malicious towards you at all.

I hear both stories,

and I just feel like it's miscommunication.

- Sam, like, not trying to be rude,

like, you--like, you don't know what

the f*ck I've been through. - Exactly, but--

- Come on, Sam.

Jenni and I, we have a history.

This has been years and years.

Sam just got here, and she doesn't know Jenni

the way I know Jenni.

I've been through a lot with Jenni,

and there's been...

- I agree. - More than you know,

more than you know. - I don't want to know.

- And then here you are listening to these girls...

- I feel like they're coming from a place of peace.

- [claps] Immediately.

I ain't no f*cking malicious person.

- I don't feel like you are. - I'm not.

I just think I'm very misunderstood,

and I don't like that sh*t.

It doesn't sit well in my stomach.

- I'm curious to see

how everything's gonna play out now.

I think Sam really helped break the ice,

but that's, like, not a long-term solution, right?

- Yeah. - I can't handle

that instability anymore.

I can't do that anymore.

So if we're not gonna bury, like, hatchets,

like, I can't--I refuse to be friends with you.

- I feel misunderstood.

I feel misunderstood.

I even tattooed it on my wrist years ago.

- I don't know what goes on with the girls

and Angelina and their fights because I haven't been here.

- Yeah, I'm not in the mood, guys, for drama this weekend.

I'm not f*cking doing it. - Listen to Nicole.

- I will f*cking leave. - Don't say--

- I have my car here. - Don't say it.

- I've been through enough with this sh*t.

- Jesus f*ck.

♪ ♪

- ♪ Leave it up to me, leave it up to me ♪

♪ ♪

♪ You can take a seat, you can take a seat ♪

♪ ♪

- God, I can't wait to see my babies.

- ♪ You can take a seat ♪

♪ ♪

- Guys, Mommy's home!

Hi!

It is so nice to be back with my family.

- All right, so how was it?

- Wi--it was a wild trip.

And I'm just like, oh, my God, I missed you guys,

especially after an alien scare.

So where do I begin? So we got to the house,

and then we were, like, just joking around,

like, who's coming in next?

And then all of a sudden the door opens,

and Sam walked in with Angelina.

- She was so adamant on never coming back.

- Right, and she had told me, like, in the past, she's like,

Deena, like, please stop trying to get me back.

Like, I don't want to come back. Just stop.

- She was publicly saying, like, I'm never coming back.

I'm never coming back. - Well, yeah.

I think our faces went white

'cause we felt like we saw a ghost.

- I am shocked.

[percussive hip-hop music]

- ♪ They cannot say who's the greatest ♪

♪ Without them saying my name ♪

- All right, what's first?

What's up first?

- I'll do basketball.

- All right, go, guys. - Play.

- Go! - ♪ Bang, bang ♪

♪ Hit that frame ♪ - Come on.

- b*tch. - ♪ Let me see you do ♪

♪ Your thing like, whoa ♪ - Keep going.

- Holy sh*t ba*ls.

- Nicole, do you do this for a living?

Remember that, . Your turn.

[laughter]

Keep going, keep going. - Go, go, go, go!

- That's good, Ange.

Actually, you're doing really good.

- , b*tch!

Go, Samantha. Come on.

Get it. - Keep going. Keep going.

Thanks a lot, Nicole! - .

You beat me too?

Get the frig out of here!

What'd you get? - .

- Ange, no way you f*cking beat me, b*tch.

- f*ck!

- Ange, you f*cking surprised me.

You did good. - When I want to do sports,

I can do sports.

- I love birthdays.

Just don't want to pop 'em.

- You can put them in the trunk.

- Sammi's gonna love this.

You got your seat belt on, Vin?

- Is she the same Sam?

- Yeah, she's definitely the same.

- She's the same Sam? - But she's,

like, more positive.

I think she just needed healing time

from, you know, Ron,

like, and that mess. - Oh, my God, Ron.

- You know, it's just so nice to have Sam back and, like,

to hear that she's in such a good, healthy relationship,

because I feel like in the past she didn't have that.

- Did Sam talk about Ron?

- She did bring up Ron, and she actually was like,

you know, at some point,

like, say he was to come around again,

like, she's, like, in such a good place

that, like, it wouldn't even, like, affect her.

- Ron. That is so wild.

- Chug, chug, chug...

both: Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug--

[laughter]

- Whoo!

- [belches]

- That was very nice. Thank you.

- I'm so sorry. I didn't blow it in your face.

- No, I said that was very nice.

- I went-- - Look at the growth here.

[laughter]

'Cause Sam's here.

Look at the growth. You would never do that.

I feel like now that Sam's here,

like, Angelina's like, OK, I feel a little better.

And I feel like this is good for her.

You know, like, she's a little bit more calmer.

She's not spiraling in her head.

And she's just, like, relaxed and enjoying the moment.

- All right, what's for dinner? Because I gotta eat food

if I'm continuing this.

You got enough room back there?

- Is he still back there? - Yeah.

Let us know if the coast is clear,

and then we'll bring everything in.

- OK.

- So Mike's not the most agile person.

- Whoa.

[clattering]

- He also, like, has trouble breathing

going down a flight of stairs.

Maybe we should have sent someone else.

- Wait, can she go across from me

diagonal or anywhere? - Ange.

[sneaky music]

♪ ♪

Don't, like, fling it at me.

- OK.

♪ ♪

- Like...like that.

[gasps] - Yeah, no.

You can't do that.

- BDS is feeling like a ninja.

This is what I do best.

Sammi is not on the first floor,

so now I can signal the boys

to sneak in with the decorations

and start to decorate for Sam's birthday.

Coast is clear.

Oh, Vinny's here?

- Wait, let him grab the balloons.

- It was definitely planned

for Vinny to do most of the work for Sam's birthday.

And, um, seeing the Keto Guido

with a miserable face on, it's hilarious.

- I love birthdays.

[cackling]

- Ange.

Hold on. Right here.

- Is it mold?

all: Oh!

[laughter]

- [grunts] - No.

What time does Ron get here?

- f*ck. - Oh, my God, get over it.

- You're just, like, a strange one.

[knocking on door]

- Told you. - Oh!

What is that?

- Here we go.

- [screams]

- ♪ Ooh, only wanna feel on you ♪

♪ Up on all the things you do ♪

♪ Can you hear this feeling? ♪

- Where are we setting up this party at?

- When do we yell surprise?

sh*t.

♪ ♪

- None of us want drama. - Be yourself,

but nobody wants drama. - But that's what I'm saying.

So there's gonna be drama.

- Whoops. - Ooh.

Bit salty over there, Vincent. - It was an accident.

- Sam has been in this from the beginning.

- So have I.

- It's not your day today.

- Once again,

everybody gets a party except me.

Sammi's getting a party,

and she's been here for five minutes.

Mike always has parties.

Jenni always has parties.

Pauly has parties.

Ryder is gonna get a party.

Jionni is gonna get a party.

Steve from the T-shirt shop is gonna get a party.

Enzo from Lecca-Lecca is gonna get a party before me.

[sighs deeply]

- Yo, you look like a party.

- This family is dumb.

You guys are throwing this party,

so I don't get how I'm stuck on the grill.

- This is an MVP party that we're throwing for Sammi.

- You're the grill master. - Exactly.

- And we wouldn't want to mess the burgers up.

- Mm-hmm. Yeah. It's only right.

- So you throw a party for everyone except me,

and I have to grill?

- Mm, yeah, pretty much. - Mm-hmm.

Yeah, I don't know why Vinny's being ungrateful.

We had a party for you, dude.

Maybe be a little less selfish.

- Look at the way he put these decorations.

It's like-- - No respect.

- No respect for Sammi.

- Grill is lit.

- ♪ Like honey ♪

- Feel me? Ah, man.

- ♪ Like honey ♪

- Do you feel left out at all?

- No. At this point,

like, if I ever shut my mouth and stopped being who I was,

like, they would be sorry.

- Mm.

I've lived with all these roomies

before for so many years,

so I kind of know their reaction to things.

I know who they are.

I've never really lived a long time with Angelina.

So who are you?

I'm intrigued to find out.

- I'm real as f*ck,

and that will never change.

- ♪ Got they neck on a swivel ♪

♪ Ooh, she stayed for the triples ♪

♪ Dribbling, play to win, here's a riddle ♪

♪ How I make waves but you're only making ripples? ♪

- Pauly, you're doing an amazing job on the decorations.

- Thank you so much. I was an event planner

in a former life.

- Vincent? Mm, not so much.

- Vinny, you help me with this one?

- Nah, I'm good. - [laughing] Oh, wow. Wow.

- We take birthdays very seriously...

- Very, very seriously. - In this family.

- This is whack.

- I think this is a great birthday.

You're just jealous.

[laughs]

- Do you smell bacon? - Are they cooking breakfast?

- Is that bacon? - All right, let's go upstairs

and see what the boys are doing.

- Let's see what the boys are doing.

- Yo, yo. They're coming up. - What?

- They're coming up. Come over here.

- Yay. Happy birthday, Sam.

I hope you enjoy it. [chuckles weakly]

- Mike, they're about to come up.

- They're coming? Holy sh*t.

- Bring your wines. - Let's do it.

- Oh, wait. - You want one of these?

- Let's do these.

- I love that Sam's drinking with us.

Cheers, b*tch.

[noisemakers clacking]

- Oh, my God, this looks weird.

It looks like a porn.

both: They're coming. They're coming.

all: Surprise!

- It is my birthday party! - Happy birthday!

[all cheering]

- Happy birthday!

- It's really my birthday party.

- Happy birthday! It's your birthday party!

- I was not expecting this whatsoever.

I am just so thankful that they are so accepting of me

and welcoming to me.

- You guys went above and beyond.

- I could cry.

Coming back was a huge decision,

but I definitely made the right choice.

Like, I could cry because everybody's just

been so nice to me.

[laughter and chatter]

- Whoo!

Happy birthday, you!

♪ ♪

- It's really my birthday party.

I could cry.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

[upbeat music]

all: Surprise!

- It is my birthday party! [all cheering]

- Happy birthday! - Happy birthday!

It's your birthday party! - Happy birthday!

[laughter and chatter]

- Stop.

- Whoo!

- I was not expecting this whatsoever.

I could cry.

Ugh.

Like, it can't get any better than this.

- Happy birthday. I love birthdays.

- Thank you so much. I'm blown away.

The roommates really went above and beyond

to make me feel special,

and I'm just like, I love you guys.

I feel so special.

- Happy birthday, Sam.

Happy birthday. - Thank you so much.

- Happy birthday, girl.

all: Sam's birthday!

- Oh, I love it.

- [chanting] It's my birthday. It's my birthday.

It's my birthday. - It's her birthday.

- We always throw people that we love birthdays.

- Birthday parties, yeah. - You like me.

- People that have been there from the beginning.

- You guys like me. - If we love you,

we throw you a birthday. - Yeah.

I would have loved for them to put

this much enthusiasm into my birthday,

especially because I didn't leave for ten years

and randomly just show up again.

- Is he a little salty right now?

- Why? - He had to help

throw your birthday, and we never throw him a birthday.

- Sometimes salt only seasons the sauce.

- Exactly. It's always me, me, me, me.

- Sammi's been back a long time.

- I feel so bad right now.

- It's not about Vinny.

- It's Sam's birthday, bro. - Exactly.

- Enjoy it while you can

because Angelina might get engaged.

- Uh, you can't get engaged twice, you a*s.

- You've been engaged seven times.

[laughing] - [buzzes lips]

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

all: ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

[all cheering] - Make a wish! Make a wish!

Sam's back!

I love birthdays!

- All right, guys, if you don't mind.

- Make our way to the dessert table.

- Bring your wine, Nicole.

Did you guys miss me?

- Yeah. - We did. Yeah, we did.

We were pissed that you didn't want to come back.

- I wasn't gonna come back if what's-his-name was back.

- Who, Danny from the T-shirt shop?

[laughter] - Who? Who?

- Somebody else. - Monald Pagro?

- Probably. - What the f*ck is that?

- It's her birthday.

- All right, bring him in.

- Oh.

- What the--whoa. - Oh, my God.

- Oh, my God.

- It's my birthday.

Don't f*ck it up for me, Vinny.

- Now that Sam is finally back,

and the vibe is peaches, it's amazing.

But also, I know that Ron wants to come back.

So I'm thinking that on one of the next vacations,

possibly maybe you could pop in.

- Yeah, once I get settled in Florida, definitely.

- How he's gonna come back or when

he's gonna come back, I don't know.

It's definitely such a sensitive situation right now.

- I truly love you guys.

Like, you know when you live with somebody,

even though it's been, like, ten years,

I feel like you always have a bond.

- Yes. - Yeah.

- And I feel that. - That means we're besties.

- Yes. - Yeah.

- We got each other. - Mm-hmm.

- Well, we're happy to have you back.

- Happy birthday.

- Cheers. - Happy birthday, Sam.

- We love you. - Happy birthday.

[clock ticking]

- Ange, hold on. I see something on this.

- What? - Right--wait, no, for real.

- What is happening? - What the hell?

- There's literally-- right here.

Look. - Is it mold?

all: Oh!

[laughter]

- Oh, no.

No! No!

- Oh, sh*t.

- Take cover!

- No! - Oh, no.

- No. - Go, Ange!

[laughter]

- No. - Get him, Ange.

Get him.

This way. This way.

- Hurry up.

Ange, you better hurry!

- Go get him, get him. - Mike!

Look out, Mike! - Uh-oh. Uh-oh.

- Ah! - Mike, look out!

Oh, damn!

- We done?

- [shrieks]

- He had a meatball on his arm.

- f*ck. - Oh, he actually got you?

- I was your shield, you b*tch.

[laughter]

- Now you got a cake all over them kicks, man.

- Sorry, Mike, about your Jordans.

- Sorry, guys.

[laughter and chatter]

Honestly, a year ago,

I would never be in this place right now.

Could never even imagine it.

And here I am,

actually having the best birthday ever.

And I'm just like, I can't believe this is happening.

- What time does Ron get here?

- f*ck. - Oh, my God, get over it.

- Why are you so weird?

[tense music]

- I'm, like, not even f*cking with you.

I'm being serious.

- You're just, like, a strange one.

[knock on door]

- Told you. - Oh! What is that?

- I'm dying. I'm not ready for this.

My birthday wish is definitely not coming true.

[knocking continues]

- Oh, f*ck!

♪ ♪

- Here we go.

Probably the next step is for you and Sam

to get back together.

[laughter]

- [screams]

- What the f*ck?

- I really f*cking feel like

I'm talking to my children right now.

- I wanna throw up. - Whatever.

They just need to deal with their sh*t.

- Hey, we made it!

It's about to be a movie in Atlantic City.

[crowd cheering]

- [over bullhorn] Come to Premier Nightclub.

- For me, it's just f*cked up.

I could never do that to my kids.

I actually took my DNA test.

He's not my dad.