06x06 - Messy Mawmas

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ MTV ♪

- Get ready, "Mawmas."

- This is happening?

- We're going to wine country?

- Yes, b*tch!

- Connecticut, if you came to party, make some noise.

- Vinny puts this whole front on

when he's in front of the roommates.

But when it's just me and him, he's actually nice to me

when we're alone.

- You f*cking like him.

- I've always liked him like that.

I want real-ness.

- Maybe you should give him a chance.

- I think he wants to f*ck me.

- Oh, my God.

Plot twist.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- ♪ I want it all ♪

- Yeah!

all: Buddy! - Yeah!

all: Buddy! - MVP is in the building.

- A DJ Pauly D gig and a food festival

is pretty much living your best life.

- M. - V.

- P. [crowd cheering]

- Make some noise for my brothers right now.

- ♪ Girls, stacks ♪

- It's a win-win situation.

- If you want me to come back to Connecticut,

make some noise.

[cheering]

I gotta leave, though.

You wanna know why?

The cabs are here.

There's no better feeling than to hear , people

fist pumping to my music,

loving every minute of it.

- Yo, yo, yo. - Good job.

- Amazing show. - Thank you, man.

[cheering]

[crowd clamoring]

It is absolute madness getting to our car right now.

[shouting]

We're surrounded by thousands of people.

It's like Justin Bieber just left the stage.

[crowd cheering]

- Holy sh*t.

[girls screaming]

[girls tapping car]

- This is insane.

[shouting]

- Mike, open the sun roof. - They're gonna

jump on the roof. - Nah, we good.

I got this.

- ♪ Man, you should know better ♪

[crowd shouting]

♪ Really be the star of the show 'cause I got no flaws ♪

♪ I'm a real trend setter, trend setter ♪

[screaming]

- Pauly, way to calm 'em down.

- [laughs] - That was insane.

- My guy.

- Holy moly.

- Welcome to tour, boys.

- Yo, that's the best-- that's the best ever.

- Dinner and a show, my guy. - [laughs]

- All the way up ♪

♪ La, la la, la, la, la ♪

♪ All the way up ♪

♪ La, la, hey ♪

[phone chimes] - Who's that texting me?

What the f*ck?

He's so f*cking weird.

I can't even believe it.

"Hey, wanna come check out my new spot in the city?

I think you would like it."

Getting the text from Vinny right now,

he wants me to go to Manhattan to see his apartment

and hangout with him.

OK.

What in the actual f*ck?

[barks] Peanut?

Peanut does not like the Vinny text.

What do you think Vinny wants, PP?

Oh, Lord.

♪ Shake it, shake it here we go ♪

♪ Here we go, here we go ♪

- Why are you FaceTiming me?

- What the f*ck is going on?

Vinny texted me and invited me to his apartment in the city.

- For what? - I was gonna ask you.

Did he say--like, he didn't tell you guys anything?

Nothing about a date? He's trying to ask me out.

Is this a date for him?

- Maybe you're on the down low.

I would die if Vinny invited Angelina over for a date.

Die.

- What the hell is this?

Like, why am I going to your apart--

I don't get it.

- Well, have fun.

- Thanks. Bye.

- Bye.

Date night!

♪ ♪

- ♪ Hot b*tch ♪

- Peanut, I'm gonna go to the city, all right?

Wish me a lot of luck.

'cause I'm gonna to need it.

Sayonara, PP.

Bye, Angelina. [cat meows]

- ♪ Hot b*tch ♪

[line trilling]

- Hello? - Ma.

- Hi, Vin. - Hi.

- What are you doing?

- I just got back from North Carolina.

It was fun.

Mike played in that cornhole thing.

- Angelina was, like, really--

I think she likes me or something

'cause she was acting really weird.

- But she was also, like, really drunk

and didn't know what she was doing.

That's why I invited her over as a friend.

I don't want her to get the wrong idea,

you know what I mean?

- Just wanna squash any kind of, like, weirdness of,

like, you know, what it is.

- A lot of d*ck.

- I muted her.

Let's squash the weirdness and just, like, get back to normal

and do a little reset as friends.

You're the only girl for me, right?

And I hope that when Angelina gets here, you know,

like, everything is, like, peaceful and calm.

[car honks]

- This f*ck' d*ck behind me is a f*ck'

douchebag f*ck' jerk off.

[car honks]

What a f*cking d*ck. f*ck you!

Oh, she's a grandma.

Oh, my God, you f*cking grandma b*tch.

I do not like traffic, people.

What are you looking at, you f*cking moron?

What a f*cking d*ck.

Come on, big shot. Go.

Look at this d*ck face. [cars honking]

Ooh, I'm not supposed to be going.

Oops.

That's why everyone's looking at me.

Oops! Sorry! [honking]

[hip-hop music]

- A buzzed pitch is the best pitch.

- To Meatball Merlot. - Meatball Merlot.

I'm so excited 'cause all the girls

are going to California because I'm

coming out with a new wine.

And I was thinking this is a perfect time for us to, like,

introduce maybe our meatball wine.

- It could be, like, meatball day in a bottle or something.

- We have to act like Jenni is, like, the real person.

- All right, well, all right. - I think I'm nervous.

- ♪ Let's set the record straight ♪

♪ On a couple of things ♪

♪ Don't trip listen, y'all ♪

♪ We ain't playin' ♪

♪ ♪

- Hello? - Welcome.

- Hi. Thanks for coming.

- Come on in.

- ♪ We ain't playin' ♪

- What did I just walk into?

- We're gonna pitch to you an idea.

- Like business?

- Yeah it's like "Shark Tank," and you're the shark.

[dramatic music] This is gonna sell out.

- Meatball day in a bottle.

- We want our Meatball Merlot to have really nice legs.

- Am I Mark Cuban?

- Yeah.

You know, I'm a little nervous to give

a pitch to Judge Jenni.

- Welcome.

- But I feel like this will get the kinks out,

and she will tell us what we need work on.

- So as you know, I have my Messy Mama Wine.

- OK. - So when we go to the winery

and we try my pinot noir,

we wanna pitch this, an exclusive wine

called Meatball Merlot.

- Ooh! - Yes.

It's fun. It's sexy.

It's the perfect wine for day-drinking with your bestie.

- Why is it sexy?

- A meatball-- 'cause we're sexy.

- OK. - What we love to say

is basically it is a meatball day in a bottle.

- Ooh. What's your price point?

- Um--

- What's your cost of goods?

- Can we start over? - OK, sorry!

- I love the fact that they're like,

let's pretend we're on "Shark Tank"

and I'm gonna pitch a deal to you.

And then when I start asking about COGS and price points,

now all of a sudden you b*tches have problems.

- So it's going to be bold.

It's going to have a smooth afterbirth. [laughs]

- Afterbirth?

- Aftertaste.

This is a pitch, Deena. Start over.

- Bold and smooth.

- Oh, my God. - Start over.

- Smooth afterbirth. - This is real.

- Good god.

- And we would like to show you our bottle.

So we would like to do a zebra print.

- Yes. - So, purple

will outline the zebra.

And--[burps] Pardon--[laughs]

- Don't burp. - You burped.

- It's gonna be a home-run pitch.

- ♪ That's how we roll, 'cause we roll ya' deep ♪

[horn blaring] - Oh, shut the f*ck up.

[doorbell dings]

- Oh, Ange, come on in. - Hi, Vin.

Oh, my God, can I-- - What's up?

- Oh, my God, this is very formal.

Wow. The view is really nice.

- Yeah. - I got you presents.

- What'd you get me? - I got you so many things.

- Well, you didn't have to bring me anything.

- No. I want you to open them in a little bit.

Go. Let me see.

- Well, I'll give you a tour. Just relax.

So this is the kitchen. This is the living area.

- Your dog must think you're nuts.

- No--she's, again, she's used to it.

I've given this tour many times.

You feel me? - Shut up.

You're an as*h*le.

Whoa, the water's over here.

- Yep. That's Jersey City, Hoboken.

- Yeah, I wouldn't go there.

- I think you should live there.

- No, I'm not gonna be your neighbor that far from you.

- Well, if you were to live in an apartment--

I mean, I'm just saying Manhattan isn't for you.

- It's too much, I think. I think it's overwhelming.

- It has a little too classy--

- I'm gonna f*ck you up.

All right. I didn't--I--get out of here.

- You don't have to punch me. - I punch everyone.

Vinny's apartment looks very nice,

but I like being in the sticks.

Peanut and my cats, we are living amazing in my house.

Like, we fit in my house.

- What's there in Freehold? There's nothing there.

You're in f*cking cow land. - I have a very--

- What, are you gonna go cow tipping?

- No, it's not. It's--it's a beautiful house.

I have enough room for all my animals.

- You could probably get, like, two cats here.

- What about a dog and seven cats?

- You're starting to push it.

Seven cats now? Holy sh*t.

- I am officially a cat woman.

- Yeah. Crazy cat lady.

As Angelina's walking around my place, I don't know.

I think my place is a little too clean for her, you know?

Like, she's like, "Where's the cat sh*t?

Where's the piss? Where's the litter box?"

- So this is all for you, for your housewarming gift.

- Oh, this is cool. - That's you.

- This is me? [chuckles]

It has no d*ck.

Aw. - [laughs]

- Is this, like, a meerkat?

Well, I'm glad Angelina left the price tag on the gifts

because I'm not gonna use any of these,

and I can just return it at the store.

So this is $.. - Shut up!

- If any of you at home are looking for,

like, a little espresso machine or a wine rack,

or a little metal guy that sits on your bookshelf, like,

let me know.

This guy needs a d*ck.

- Do you want to put this one there?

- Sure.

Now it looks like me.

- OK.

You--if that's what you looked like down there,

you'd be doing porn.

- I can do porn. - God.

Vinny and I--we just have this flirtatious relationship.

And it's been like this for years upon years.

And it's probably gonna keep going.

- You gonna have kids? - No, not right now.

- No? - No.

- Are you gonna freeze your eggs or something?

- [sighs] Yeah, I think I'm gonna do that.

- Hold on. Let me check your expiration date.

- Shut up!

I don't know. I guess I have to.

- Well, you gotta find a guy first.

- Yeah. - No, I'm saying, like...

- Can I have your sperm? - Your eggs and stuff.

No.

[laughs] You can't have my sperm.

- We just do this. Like, it is what it is.

But that's it.

There's nothing to it.

You just jack off in a frigging cup and give it to me.

- But then I'd have to see that kid and

be like, I'm your father. - Who cares?

Sign a paper, and I'll let you go.

- No, no, no.

- It'll take you two seconds.

- No.

- Ooh, "Dancing with the Stars."

Holy f*ck!

Vinny "Guada-neeners"?

- Let's go, Deena! - [screams]

[screaming] - Stop it!

- [screams]

- [snorts] - Oh, my God.

- Blow it!

- Not classy.

- ♪ Hold up ♪

♪ Shut up ♪

♪ Gonna bring the vibes, gonna spread the word ♪

♪ Of positivity ♪

- Ooh, "Dancing with the Stars."

This cast's crazy.

Holy f*ck!

Vinny "Guada-neeners"?

- I am going to be on season of "Dancing With the Stars."

I've seen a couple of my castmates do it,

so I'm super excited.

But I'm a little scared. - Tuck, Tuck. Nice.

- Vinny. You're f*cking with me.

- Oh, my God! Vinny! - Uncle Vinny's doing

"Dancing with the Stars."

- Uh, uh, , , .

Uh, uh, uh, uh.

Still got it.

You're in my world now, Grandma.

- ♪ Confident ♪

- OK.

- Wine country.

Let's do this. - For, Jenni--

I don't know if you talked to her,

but she's not on our flight. - Yeah, she told me.

- She has to get the kids on the bus.

So she's coming, like, an hour after.

Then I hope Ange makes the flight.

She's probably not even awake.

- Peanut?

What time is it? Where is my phone?

Oh, f*ck!

[screams]

I'm so f*cking late to this airport,

and it's an issue.

[panting] I'm gonna be late.

Hello, Uber?

[screams] I need a helicopter!

♪ ♪

- Who's calling you?

- It's Vincent. Yo, what's up, my guy?

What are you doing? - I am on my way to rehearsal.

- Are you gonna be staying out in L.A. for a little bit

and doing that? - Yeah.

I can't believe, like, I'm actually in it now.

- Yeah. Listen, man, one day at a time, my brother.

- Well, the best view comes from the hardest time, right?

- I don't know what she's-- she's always late.

[line trilling]

- Ange, where are you?

- Can you tell them to f*cking hold the plane?

- Can we stop the plane for my friend?

- Is it a guy? Tell him I'll show him, like, a nipple pasty.

- Oh, my God. All right.

- All right. Safe flight. - Love you.

- Love you. I'm sorry. I'm gonna come.

- Listen, we didn't come this far just to come this far.

Because at the end of the day, pressure

is what makes the diamond. -Mm.

- OK? - All right. Good, bro.

I'm gonna need those quotes.

♪ ♪

- ♪ I've been cruising on the road ♪

- Made it, made it. Aw.

Let's do it. And even though Angelina

missed her flight, she'll get here.

Jenni's gonna get here eventually.

- Yeah. - Here we go

to Messy Mawma headquarters, please.

- Whoo-hoo!

- Rosé, ma'am?

- Thank you.

- Obviously, when we get there, it's all business.

Do you want some ice cubes?

I'm meeting everybody.

I'm trying out my new wine, doing the pitch

for the Meatball Merlot.

- Yeah.

- But then once we leave and it's done,

then we can go crazy pants.

I still want us to have a good time, but, like,

just be professional.

So we stop at the Summerlin Winery,

and that's where we're gonna do the tasting.

And then we're going to go to the bottling center after.

- We're gonna be classy. - Yeah.

If you have to do, like, a fart, hold it in.

- I don't--I don't really fart on camera.

- ♪ Everything I do is a miracle ♪

♪ It's a miracle big stacks, nice stats ♪

♪ Yeah, incredible ♪ - OK.

So let's just do a couple of things,

like super-super basic step.

- Here we go. - Huh! Nice.

Yeah, but don't look like you're, like, constipated.

I want your fingers to touch your ribs.

But I don't want it to just look soft.

I just need it to look super, super sharp and strong.

Nice.

And then when you do that, you can look at me.

Boom.

- I beat up the beat, fist pumped, broken down the door.

[yelling]

- That's right, throw numbers!

- But the only time I've ever done choreography

was, like, the few steps that I learned from Mike's wedding.

So I'm just staying in my own lane

and just doing the best I can.

I'm sore. My shins are so sore.

- Good.

That's the place you should be sore.

- ♪ Working all night, I brought my solid gold vibe ♪

♪ Ay ♪

♪ Solid gold vibe, ay ♪

- Are we close? - I gotta pee.

- We're one minute away! - Why are you screaming?

- I'm excited.

- ♪ Solid gold vibe ♪

- We're here, Dee!

- We're here! Wait.

We have to get dressed. - No, we look like trash.

- OK. We have to get changed.

- Where's my shoes?

- Hit me in the face again.

- Well, your a*s is already in my face.

Please move. - I can't.

- Did you shower today? - Yes.

- You're sick. Why you wearing a thong?

- My nip--nipple's not out, right?

- No. - I don't like--

you look hunchback. - I do?

- Freak.

- I don't want to look like a hunchback.

You look classy.

- You look nice. - Thanks.

- Cheers. - Cheers.

- We didn't even get into the meeting yet, and I'm like,

oh my God, I feel like we might get a little drunkies,

and more drunkies than I hoped.

- OK. Classy. - Wait, I think

my vag*na is coming out. - Classy starting now.

- My vag*na is out.

- You want a safety pin?

- No, I don't want a safety pin on my vag*na.

Hello. - Nicole!

- Hi! - How you doing?

- We made it! How are you? - Hi!

- How's it going? - Deena. Nice to meet you.

- Deena, so nice to meet you. - Yes.

This is my meatball, Deena.

- Just smells like yummy, gorgeous wine.

I'm so excited for this.

Thank you. - Here we go.

- I'm so glad-- - Wait, I love the card, too.

"Welcome, Nicole, Deenr, Jenni, and Angeliner."

- Oh, I love that. - Aww.

- Next up, Tantrum Chardonnay.

- You started without me? - Hi!

- Hi! - You look gorgeous.

- So do you. Oh, my God.

We just almost made out. - Why are you size zero?

- Your hat just poked me in the eye.

- How was your flight?

- It was great.

- Ange missed her flight. She's still not here.

- I'm not surprised.

- She will be here soon.

- But, um, welcome to the winery.

We're doing a tasting.

- You're, like, really tasting, and not, like, chugging?

- Yeah, we're trying to enjoy-- - Oh.

- Yeah. - Not like Italy.

- [laughs] Too many bottles before.

I get really busy. - Go away.

- We have to be professional here.

- No cursing. - No swearing.

- f*ck. Oh, sorry. - We want--

- You know what? She's gotta go.

- If Angelina was here, I would not be noticed.

- Do you wanna FaceTime Ange and see

if she friggin' made it? - Yes.

- f*cking kidding me? Where are we?

Oh, come on.

There's no service at all.

Finally, I make it to California,

after the f*cked up morning and afternoon I had, man.

Because I have animals, my makeup, my acne--

everything comes into one big ball of, like, sh*t for me.

And now we are, like, driving for hours and hours and hours.

Today's not my day.

f*ck my life.

- ♪ I'm all in the front now ♪

♪ No play in the background ♪

- So it should be, like, in a straight line.

But instead of being below my belly button,

it should be, like, on my ribs.

Yeah, exactly, like the motion of the ocean,

just swaying from right to left.

Exactly. [phone rings]

- Hold on one sec. - Ah, ah, ah, no, no.

- I have a call. One second.

- No. - Just one second.

- Vinny. Oh, my God.

- Yo. - Yo.

- Yo! - Hey, Chooch.

- What's up, bro?

Listen, I gotta make this snappy

because this one over here has me on, like, a strict...

- Hi! - Time limit.

- It's so nice to meet you.

- Oh, I know.

Pauly, I wish I had you for--

- Wow, you're-- - [laughs]

- I get that a lot. Don't worry.

- That's it.

- Um, I'd rather you not.

We're just--I'm just trying to focus on the--

- You don't want your friends to support you?

- When they come to town, they're

like a traveling circus.

- My boyfriend hurt his leg stripping!

- You guys are embarrassing. - Stripper injury.

- ♪ Vinny is a chooch ♪

♪ Vinny is a cooch ♪

- Lawrence!

- I'm embarrassed. I wanna go home.

And I don't need that type of distraction right now.

- Shut up. You guys are coming to L.A.?

- I think it's a good idea to go out

and support Vinny because that's

just the right thing to do.

Vinny is gonna need all the support that he can get.

- It's very interesting learning him.

He's--he can be fully nude in front of an audience,

and then he gets nervous for you guys to watch him.

- If I was naked during this sh*t,

I'd be totally fine. - Oh, my God.

- So can I just be naked? - No, no.

- ♪ , , , go ♪

♪ Gonna see that ♪

♪ Do it again ♪

♪ One more time, yeah ♪

♪ Love it when you do that thing ♪

- So let's clean our palates,

and then we'll try the pinot noir.

- I'll clean it with the rosé.

Ah, cleared. - I think it's time.

- Awesome. - We're ready to try.

- [thumps table] Ooh!

- Are you kidding me?

Stop.

- I just put my hand down. - Stop.

You're embarrassing me.

A good pinot needs to taste good with crackers and salami,

but also pizza, chicken nuggets,

and fruit and everything.

- I just gained all my weight back.

m*therf*cker.

- Oh, my God.

- Oh, my God!

I'm sorry!

- We're not cursing today, Jenni.

- All right. - I'm sorry she said

the M-F word. - Not classy.

- Yeah, I know. - Sorry. Mm.

- OK. - Ooh, look at the legs.

- This is a lighter style, more of a Beaujolais,

nouveau French.

- Should we cheers?

- Cheers to-- - Cheers.

- Oh, my God. - My God.

- This is really good.

- The legs are good on that. - [laughs]

- Jenni. - It's f*cking great.

I'm so sorry. It's great. - You cursed again.

- Not classy. - Whoopsies.

- Today, I feel like we're gonna be classy.

- Yes. - Jenni!

- I'm sorry! - Go in timeout.

- OK.

- No cursing.

This is a classy place.

Like, no, now you're going to be like my three-year-old son.

Go in timeout!

No curse words! J gets time out.

Three minutes, I'm setting my alarm.

I'm so sorry. She--she hasn't gotten out a lot.

She has, like, two kids.

This is her first time.

- This is very nice. - Mmm.

- It's very strong.

- You're on timeout. - OK.

- Not classy.

♪ ♪

- Oh, lordy.

- ♪ Turn the bass down low ♪

♪ When I walk through the door as I strut ♪

♪ Right into the limelight ♪

[alarm blaring]

- It went off.

You're out of timeout. - Thanks.

- All right.

- Come on over.

- You said f*ck two times. - I didn't mean to.

- I said no swear words.

- It's in my vocabulary. How am I supposed to--

- Wait. - You didn't even prep me.

- I never even realized you curse like that.

- Yeah, I never-- - Because we all do.

I'm actually really annoyed that Angelina isn't here yet.

because as bad as I am right now,

Ange would have been way worse.

- Jesus Chri-- are you guys drunk?

God, $.--forget it.

You guys are getting ripped off over here.

What the f*ck?

- Stop hitting her. And you stop hitting her back.

Stop hitting me. - Shh.

- Do you have to go in timeout?

- Why are you speaking?

Just, like--just, like, silently connect.

And me and Deena are already downed two bottles,

so we're kind of feeling it.

But even if, like, we feel drunk,

don't, like, show that you're drunk.

We have to be professional here.

- Nicole, you've got two glasses. [laughs]

- What is happening here? - Stop it.

- What are you doing?

- Stop it. - Oh.

- This isn't classy.

- Oh.

- I already got one. Thanks.

- Oh. - Here you go.

- Ma'am. - Thank you.

- So keep those straight.

- Cheers. - Look at these legs.

Do you wanna do a blind tasting?

- Oh, let's do that. Let's blindfold you.

- So we decide to have Nicole do a blind taste test

of all of her wines...

Let me find a blindfold.

to see if she knows her wines as good as she says she does.

- Great. First, let's try this one.

♪ ♪

- What do you think?

- Chardonnay.

[buzzer blares]

- Good job. - Ding, ding, ding.

Good job. - That's great.

- Let's a new one.

- All right, new one. - Another one.

- Which one's that one?

- That's my cab.

[buzzer blares]

- All right. One more. Hold on.

- Mm.

- Now, which one's that one?

- That's my white.

[buzzer blares]

- [laughs]

♪ ♪

- ♪ Your mom's got flavor you crave so much ♪

[rings doorbell] ♪ The flavor went boom ♪

- Hey! - Hi.

- So Paula says that she's gotta stop by

and drop off some food that is

supposed to go to Vinny in L.A.

- Hi, Romeo. - Say, hi.

You wanna see what it is? - [gasps]

- Chicken cutlets.

There is no better sight in this world

than the tray of cutlets.

- Have a chicken cutlet, little nana.

- Oh, you wanna touch 'em all.

- It's supposed to be for Uncle Vinny,

but we won't tell anyone.

Romeo is so happy to see Paula.

Or is it the cutlets?

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

Now, you've got a full tray there.

I cannot confirm or deny that all of them will be delivered.

I might have to try some of them.

- Oh, I was gonna say, how many are gonna get there?

You read my mind. - Definitely a bunch.

- [laughs]

- I kinda want to see, like, if the people outside

like my wine. We can pretend we work here.

I work here.

I'm gonna walk out like a bottle girl service.

- OK. - OK, go ahead.

- Where are we going? Oh, my--don't.

- ♪ Dun, dun, dun ♪ - I'm mortified.

I don't know how long we've been actually drinking.

But I'm not sure if Nicole should be

doing this right now.

- Hi.

So we are doing a tasting of Messy Mawma wine.

- Would you like to try all three?

- Yes. - I think I gave an English

accent for some reason. - [with accent] All three?

- [with accent] Would you like to show you all three?

I don't mean to toot my own horn,

but I used to work at Longhorn Steakhouse,

and I was a friggin' awesome waitress.

Ooh, I like how the swirl-- the swirl.

She knows her wine.

- Getting the notes.

- It has very good legs.

- Did you check the legs?

Saying a wine has legs just sound so professional

and so classy.

Look at the legs.

- Ooh, yeah. - It's delicious, right?

- That means it's good.

- This is the best drink.

- The legs are good on this.

- Yeah, nice.

- The legs shows how good a wine is.

- Do you see how high those legs go?

Do you see those legs?

- ♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa ♪

♪ I'm on cloud nine ♪

♪ Baby, you should run to it ♪ - [burps]

- Classy. You look hot. - Thank you.

- You look like a queen. - I'm mourning the queen.

- You're wearing flats?

Who are you? - I'm not professional.

- [burps] - Look at you with the--

- Girl, I've been drinking.

- Yeah, we've been. - It went buh.

- Guh. - [laughs]

- [burps] - I'm trying.

- [burps]

- Also, we have--

- Don't put Messy Mawma to waste.

- We're kinda mixing a lot of them.

- You told me to be classy.

- Just chug it, Jenni.

[burps] - [laughs]

- Jenni. - You keep saying the F word.

He's looking at you. - Sorry.

- This is a business trip.

- I'm f*cked.

- [imitates buzzer] - [burps]

- [laughs]

- Right now, we're a little bit drunk.

I don't know if we should be pitching our Meatball Merlot

to this guy right now.

- OK, so I have an idea.

- OK. - [burps]

Pardon.

We're not supposed to burp here.

Since we're doing the pinot noir,

I wanna do, like, an exclusive Meatball wine

for our Meatball fans.

How would you feel about a Meatball Merlot?

- I feel like we had a much better pitch

at Nicole's house.

- It's fun. It's sexy.

- And it's gonna have nice legs.

- Nice legs.

- You're very much about the legs.

- Yes.

- What's a meatball?

- They're short and spicy.

[laughter] - You don't have to

be short to be a meatball.

You could be a meatball.

- Yeah, I'm the spaghetti to the meatballs.

- So just need Merlot to go with it all?

- Yes. - Love it.

- Yes. - All right.

Anything else? - Whoo!

Oh, sorry.

- I mean, would I have liked to be a little

more sober pitching it? Sure.

But I think we k*lled it.

- So now we kinda want to see the bottling plant

and how it works. - Absolutely.

Let's go do it. - Can we go there?

- Let's make it happen. You guys ready?

- Yes. - Where's Angelina?

- I'm sorry, Ange, but we gotta go.

You gotta get your sh*t together.

- Where is she?

- Let's just tell her where to meet us.

It's fine. - She'll come.

- Do you wanna grab some wine and get going?

- Yeah. - OK.

- Bottling plant, let's go.

- Grab a wine. - What do you want?

- One each. - Whoo!

- All right. - Thank you.

- Oh, it smells like Brussels sprouts.

- Go. - I'm trying.

- Ow!

Right up my as*h*le.

- That's not classy.

- Ow, b*tch. - I know.

- We're outta here.

- Tonight's gonna be a good night.

- Where's Ange?

- I have no idea.

- Thank you so much.

[muttering]

♪ ♪

- We're gonna go do bath time. - All right, honey.

I'll be right up. - OK.

- All right.

♪ ♪

Oh, wow, these are good.

Vinny's gonna love these.

- Hi. - Hello.

- This has been the travel day from hell,

and I am so excited to get a cup,

a glass, whatever the f*ck, of wine

with the girls, finally.

Uh, where are my friends?

Have you seen my friends? - I'm sorry--

- Two little ones and a tall one?

- Oh, they're gone now. You just missed them.

- Are you f*cking kidding me?

Oh, my God.

- They just went up to the production facility.

- How far is it? - It's about

an hour and a half. - What?

- It's another hour and-- - From here?

- That's right. - You're f*cking kidding me.

I've been driving for hours and hours and hours.

I'd rather go to jail then get back in the car right now.

Like, come on, bro.

f*ck my life.

- Uh, here you are. - What?

- This should help. - Thank you so much.

That's so nice of you.

- No problem. Any time.

I think I need a lot more.

- I'm excited.

♪ Tonight's gonna be a good night ♪

♪ ♪

- So we're going to the bottling facility now

to see, like, how everything is packaged,

how it works behind the scenes that I've

wanted to see for a long time.

- I'm on one, I think. [laughs]

- I love it.

- I haven't been out in a long time.

- I love it. For sure.

- I missed you guys. - I missed you.

- Whoo!

- Where is Angelina?

- Where the f*ck is Angelina?

b*tch, where are you?

- I'm on my way to you. I'm so sorry.

Are you guys drunk?

- Yes, we've been drinking all day.

You've been missing it all day.

- No, don't worry. I'll be with you guys tonight and tomorrow.

I promise.

- Yeah, yeah, you better turn up and get ready.

- Goodbye. - Bye.

- See you soon. - Oh, God.

What am I walking into?

- We should call Vin and see how he's doing.

- Vin! - Hi, Vin!

We miss you. - Miss you.

- Wait, look at Jenni. She looks like

she's on a racetrack.

- Oh, my God.

- No. - All right, good luck. Bye.

Love you. - All right, ladies.

So this is where your wine's produced?

- Yes, this is the bottling plant.

We're gonna go see how everything is made.

- This is gonna be fun. Come on, girls.

Oh, my va-jay-jay's out.

Oh, sh*t. Oh.

Sorry. - Come on, ladies.

- Hi! - Hey, guys.

- Good to see you again. - Welcome.

Come on in.

- Oh, wow!

- So you can see the team here is working.

- Good job, team.

- They just cleaned up.

I've never been behind the scenes

of, like, seeing wine made before.

So the fact that I'm here and I'm seeing

my wine being produced-- I'm, like,

this is so friggin' cool.

- You guys ready to get to work?

- Yeah. - So safety first.

We've gotta give you gloves and goggles.

- OK.

- They tell us we're gonna be boxing the pinot noir.

And I'm like, all right. You know what?

I'm gonna friggin' k*ll this.

- Ladies, OK, pay attention, because when

these bottles come down, you gotta check the label.

You gotta look if the cap's missing,

and you gotta check that the bottle's got wine in it, OK?

millimeters go in here.

- I love the fact that we went from vacation

to now Snooki employee.

- Let 'em go. Turn her on.

- [screams] Come on, girls!

Let's go, Deena!

Pack the bottles, Deena.

- Oh, my God. - Am I not doing it right?

[shouting]

- Jenni, watch the--

- Ronnie, help them.

- I'm losing.

I can't keep up with these bottles.

They're going too fast.

- Wait! You broke a bottle.

- I'm just too drunk.

We probably should have bottled first and then drank after.

This is nuts!

I feel terrible, but why would you put us on this job?

- Go, Deena!

- No, no, no, no.

- Let her work.

[yelling]

- I don't know if the belt is moving too fast

or I'm moving too slow.

- Jenni! - Ah!

- If one of the girls drops a bottle of wine--

I mean, you are paying me for that wine, b*tches.

- I'm trying my best.

- sh*t!

- The bottles are piling up.

The bottles are piling up. Oh, my God.

[shouting] - Ah!

Deena!

- Oh, my God.

Bodies are dropping, glass everywhere.

[all screaming]

- Is she gonna charge me for these friggin' bottles?

- Whoo!

- All of a sudden, four,

five bottles are on the floor.

First of all, what a sin that we are wasting.

If this was back in the day, I would get a straw

and suck it all up because this is a sin.

[screaming]

- I can't take it anymore! Stop it!

- Oh, my God. This isn't classy at all.

[all screaming]

- [screams]

[screaming]

- Oh, this is haunted.

- Oh, God. Ooh.

Oh, I don't like that. I get scared.

- If you have any evil spirits here, I'll f*ck you up.

Boop. I saw a spirit.

- You saw it? - Yes.

Ah!

- No! - Oh!

♪ ♪

- Yo, Indiana, you a dope. Thank you for coming out.

I'll see you on the next one.

Yeah, buddy.

Post.

Let's see what the weather is in L.A.

With MVP, we always have each other's back.

We always support each other.

They always come to my DJ gigs.

We went to Mike's cornhole.

So it's only right me and Mike are

gonna go out to L.A. to support Vinny

on "Dancing With the Stars."

Partly cloudy.

I'm really excited for Vinny.

Now he's taking his dancing to the next level.

He's actually keeping his clothes on.

All right.

L.A., here I come.

♪ ♪

- This is crazy. - Stop!

[glass shatters] - I tried my best,

but I got very overwhelmed.

Oh, my God. Look who's here.

- Hi. - Angelina!

- b*tch. Girl, it's over.

This is my new wine.

It's a pinot noir. - Oh, nice. Cheers.

- So glad you made it. - I know, finally.

Oh, my God. Thank you, guys.

Finally, I found the girls.

And they are really drunky-pants.

And I gotta catch up.

- Do you take Venmo?

- After seeing all this, the people that bottle the wine--

those are the real heroes.

That's a hard job.

- Well, thank you so much for letting us do--

[all cheersing] - Whoo!

- Let's go to dinner.

- Wine not? - Thank you. Thank you.

♪ ♪

- [shouting] - Ow, my hair just got caught.

Ow! - Look at this

little town, guys.

Look at how cute.

- Oh, I love this.

- ♪ Yeah, yeah, you know it ♪ - All right, guys.

We're here.

[eerie music]

- I'm here for it. - Ugh.

I cannot sleep by myself.

I get scared.

I'm feeling some vibes.

- Hi.

♪ ♪

It might be a little haunted. I don't want my own room.

I would like to sleep with Nicole.

- Come on, girl.

- Nicole, we're sharing a room.

- Is it haunted? Please, no.

- Oh. I got it, b*tch.

- Ah!

I keep stepping on my frickin' dress.

[laughter]

Oh, my God.

- So this is my room?

- Oh, I don't like that.

Oh, this is haunted.

There's old paintings on the wall, like,

people from, like, the s.

And I just feel like I don't want them staring at me.

I don't like that, and I don't like that.

Why are these men on the wall?

Did they, like, die here?

Did they own this place?

I took down two pictures. I don't like them.

- [hiccups] I got the hiccups.

- I feel like it is haunted here.

I-- - What is that?

- I'm an empath, and I literally could feel energy.

And right now, I mean, I'm not feeling terrible energy.

But I feel there's, like, other spirits here

other than our own.

- If you have any evil spirits here, I'll f*ck you up.

This hotel might be a little haunted,

but I'm here for it 'cause I love spookies.

- Go look at the pictures I took down.

- Let me see the pictures. They're haunted?

- I took them down already.

- Jenni, if there's ghosties around us, please talk to us.

- Ghosties... - Not in this room.

- Enter this room. - No, no!

- Please. Thank you.

- Please-- - Thank you, ghosts.

- Please don't come in this room.

- Deena is so easy to scare.

- Ghosties! - Please visit us in this room.

- No! [laughter]

- All you need is a couple old pictures,

and now this place is haunted and Deena

is not gonna sleep for the next two nights.

- Put those in the other room.

- Looks a little bit like Steve Carell.

- No!

- Please do not do anything to upset me.

- I'm not going to.

- Boop.

- That's fine.

[laughter]

- I'm hungry. Let's go down. - OK. Let's go down.

Angelina, we're going down.

Ange's late again.

- Just give me a lot of wine.

I wanna go in the corner. - We'll all be in.

- I'm gonna be on the left 'cause I'm a lefty.

- You can go in the middle. I'll go right here.

- What about what's her name?

- What the f*ck? Oh.

- Can I get you started on some water?

- What we need is wine.

We drank all day.

Cheers. - Cheers.

- Cheers. - Cheers to--

- Messy Mawma! - Messy Mawma!

- And I'm like, yeah, ship has sailed.

Let's friggin' keep drinking.

- Ladies, for dinner tonight,

we have a tasting menu already set up for you

with wine pairing as well. - Oh.

- It's this place haunted?

- Uh, honestly, I've personally seen a ghost.

- Ooh!

- We like the ghost.

- Spirit, leave me!

[laughter]

- What the f*ck?

Is that your O face? - Get out of here, annoying.

f*ck. They're sick.

- We like horror stuff.

- I'm not that.

I'm the opposite. - [snorts]

- Flutes. - Yes, flutes.

- I-- - Flutey-loo.

Just a big old flute. - Flutes.

- We're Princess Diana.

Flutes. This place is amazing and, like, so fancy.

I'm honestly so proud of us right now because we're

acting so classy.

- Is there any way I could just get a red wine?

- What is quail?

- Yeah.

- That might be too fancy for us.

- Quail?

I've never even been to a restaurant

that had that on the menu.

Just--just put it that way.

- We definitely don't want a quail.

- Did you eat the quail?

- We're fake fancy, just so you know.

Like, we've never really messed with a quail.

I'm sure this is exquisite for the normal person.

- f*cking quail.

Are you out of your bird?

- Just not us. We're not normal.

- What's the first course?

[fancy music]

- I don't eat fish.

What do you guys want? Quail, octopus,

or f*cking sabretooth tiger? [laughs]

Duck breast. - You have duck t*tties?

- You wanna see it? - Your booby?

- You've seen it. - I've seen them.

- Do you think they look like bologna t*ts?

- No.

- I'll do ghosties.

- You would do a ghostie?

- Yeah.

- What the f*ck is happening?

- Do you wanna tell Deena what you saw in your room yet,

or do you wanna wait?

- I saw a spirit.

- Here? - In the room.

- OK. - It's fine.

- Was she nice? - Mm-hmm.

- Spirits are not nice.

- Was it a he or a she? - It's fine. I'm in control.

- You saw it? - Yeah.

- [yelps, screams]

♪ ♪

- I just feel spirits.

- [yelps, screams]

- The spirit is coming. - Oh, my God.

- He doesn't want you talking about him.

- No, the spirit's fine.

- The spirit said, "Stop f*cking talking about me."

- OK. - I love messing with Deena

a little bit, like, when she gets worked up, I like to work

her up a little bit more.

- What? - It's a nice spirit.

Deena hates it all.

I was kidding. There's no spirit in our room.

- Oh, look. I think something's coming.

- I don't eat fish. Is this fish?

- It does have octopus on the top.

There is a... - Well, save them, ma'am.

- fancy hashbrown... - What is that?

- And a caviar cream sauce.

So here, we have a yellow tomato and yellow watermelon

soup for you. - I love that.

- Ooh. - That's actually amazing.

Really good. - Mmm.

- Ooh. Ooh. - Hmm.

Tastes like wasabi.

- Oh, my God. Like, we're not this classy.

- Cucumber salad here for you. - Yes.

- This is cucumber?

- Can I please have Nachos Grande

and a Crunch Wrap Supreme.

Let's get some fast food to the room.

Like, that's what you do on a real vacation.

And a Chipotle Wrap...

- I have to pee. - From the dollar menu.

- It tastes good.

- More than a splash.

We like heavy pours.

Keep going.

- Thank you.

- Sometimes wine drunk is fun...

- [laughs]

- And flirty. - [burps]

- And then there's the wine drunk between the meatballs

that's disastrous.

And they're on the verge.

- Can you perform?

- What? - Can you show us your t*ts?

- Wait, what?

- If Dren... - Thank you so much.

- And Meener... - I don't like this sh*t.

- Come out, that could be the end.

- What are the parts?

- Please don't. - You're like my f*cking son.

- And also, Angelina ., I mean, there would

be no California after that.

- I'm holding it in.

- I think it would finally break off.

- I'm so sorry. I just farted. [laughs]

- Oh, my God. I have to leave.

I mean, I'm sorry. Are you f*cking--are you Grayson?

- Sorry. - Go in the corner

and wait for it to go away. - You can't do that sh*t.

- Can you play a song?

- ♪ I'm the troublemaker ♪

- [laughs]

♪ Poison in my mind ♪

- Cheers, girls, squad. - Whoo!

- [burps] - Oh, marone!

Champagne facial, everybody. - To who?

- I don't know.

- ♪ Troublemaker ♪

- Oh, my God. So typical.

- Blow it!

- Oh, my God! Stop that!

- I didn't mean it.

- No! No!

- We're in "Frozen." both: Oh!

- Is this what a guy feels like?

- Oh sh*t! - You know what I'm saying?

Yeah. - Damn!

- [grunting] - I like these shoes.

- Come on, Daddy.

- Yeah. - First of all,

I'm not telling Lauren anything.

- Nicole! - I f*cking hate you.

- She'll never find out about this.