06x04 - Life of a Cornstar

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ MTV ♪

- Mike, what's up, man?

It's Marlon with the American Cornhole League.

- They invited BDS to the championships

in South Carolina.

- Can I have the roster

of the f*cking dicks that are coming?

'Cause I want to f*cking sabotage these people.

- Talking trash with the enemy--it's a distraction.

You're DM'ing the whole ACL.

- But I'm helping you out, though.

- No one told her to DM the whole ACL.

You're embarrassing me.

[laughter]

- Vinny, just please make out with her.

- I would date Vinny full-blown.

- Wow.

[upbeat music]

- Yeah, buddy!

- Party's here!

- The Situation is under construction.

- We're so classy now.

- On the seventh day, it'll be lit.

- Get the frig out of here, you crazy!

- Um, hello?

♪ ♪

- ♪ I probably shouldn't want it ♪

♪ But, damn, I want it ♪

- ♪ You can tell them girls bye-bye ♪

- ♪ I probably don't need it... ♪

- I would love to do a fire. - Let's do it.

- Do some marshmallows. Where did Angeliners go?

- Do you like him?

- If Vinny was full-blown all-in,

I would date Vinny full-blown.

- Wow.

I am speechless.

- Yo, look at that, man.

- He made fire.

- I love you. - I love you.

- Get some sleep.

Angelina confided in me in the confessional

that she has a crush on Vinny,

and I'm here for it.

I love you guys. I'm going to bed.

- I love you. Good night.

- But I think Angelina is just hard in the friend zone.

- Want me to open it?

- Angelina, you don't have to serve me.

- I'll just do it for you. What the f*ck?

- Earlier, Angelina was giving Vinny a lap dance.

- [grunts]

- Oh, my God.

- Want me to put my a*s in your face?

- And then Angelina pulled me aside to ask about Vinny.

- What do I do...

to make him not think, like, I'm a joke?

- Um...

Awkward.

- Pauly, truth or dare? - Truth.

- Do you see yourself having a baby with Nikki?

- Ooh.

- That's a good one.

- Maybe.

- She's got to get off that birth control.

- It's a lot. [laughter]

- Nicole, truth or dare? - Truth.

No, dare.

- I dare you to get motorboated by Angelina.

- Yes.

- Come on, b*tch.

I feel like I never turn down a dare

unless it's, like, crazy.

- You got to go like the-- - Go.

- You know we've done this before.

- Do it. - Oh, my goodness.

- You got to motorboat her.

- You have to motorboat me. - Oh.

- No, no, no! - No!

- What? - You got to motorboat her.

- I was gonna say that. - Here, do it to me.

No!

To my boobies or her boobies? - Her boobies, your face.

- Oh, you as*h*le. Let's go.

[spluttering] [laughter]

- It was the sound effects for me.

- Oh, my God.

[laughter]

- I'm gonna pee. I'm gonna pee myself.

- That was good. - That was fun.

- Truth or dare? - Truth.

- Is the guy, Vinny, your boyfriend?

- Hi, are you in my garage?

- Wait, time-out!

She's FaceTiming a guy at her house in the garage.

- No.

No.

Vinny is prying in my love life,

which is very flattering, and it's cute.

He likes me.

Why do you care?

- 'Cause we're playing Truth or Dare?

- It's a game. - Okay.

Truth or dare. Go. - Truth.

- So...

what's your boundaries?

- That's a broad question.

- I don't think Angelina knows how to play Truth or Dare.

- Does that make sense to you? - What do you want me to do?

- Be more specific.

- Angelina doesn't even know what planet she's on right now.

- Can I-- all right, go.

- It's the day before the Cornhole World Championships.

We're gonna light some candles,

and we're going to envision victory.

This is what I like to call manifestation.

I am blessed.

I am healthy. I am strong.

I need to sort of focus and sort of de-stress

and get in my zone.

Ohm.

- Angelina, truth or dare? - Dare.

- I dare you to give Vinny a kiss on the cheek.

- On the lips.

Oh, my God.

Lips. - She said "cheek."

- Lips. We're adults here.

- I said "lips." - We're all adults here.

- Guys, stop making it weird. - All right.

- Lips. - Lips or cheek?

Go. - Lips, we're adults.

- Cheek. Fine.

- Lips. Fine, lips.

- Cheek by the lip.

- ♪ Draw me into this feeling ♪

♪ What if I let you? ♪

- Stop.

Why do you have to be violent?

- I didn't touch you.

All right, cheek. - Yep.

- The lips. - Go.

- The lips. - Go.

- The lips.

- Aw, cute.

- So cute. - You smell like wine.

- I'm drinking wine.

- I dare you to drop it hot like you wanted to

on Vinny real quick. - Mm.

- Here's your second chance to be sexy.

Her lap dance sucked.

- My God.

Now, that's how you get pink eye.

- Girl, I know you can do better.

- Okay.

- Oh, you're stepping on my d*ck, bro.

- No, that's not what I meant. - Ow, Angeline--

- Drop it like it's hot.

- Drop it like it's hot.

- Angelina stepped on my d*ck again.

Oh! - Not drop it like it's a fart.

- Literally stepping on my ba*ls.

- Do you know what "drop it like it's hot" means?

Just go, boom. - Are you guys assholes?

I know what the f*ck it is.

- There you go.

- Yeah. - That's not even nothing.

- There you go, girl. - There you go.

- Ew, you're f*cking hard right now.

- That's my hand. - That was it.

- Angelina is not good at dropping it like it's hot.

I am holding my ba*ls right now.

- [laughing] That's his hand. - Like it's hot.

- He's hard. - Whoa, stop.

- Look it, she's doing the reverse.

- But why does she have to f*cking...

- No, she's not being aggressive.

- Physically as*ault first. - I'm not beating him up.

- That's her love language.

- All right, I won't step on your d*ck, I promise.

- I have no protection. - All right, ready?

- Don't put your f*cking a*s in my face.

- She's standing up on him

like she's finally about to do something--

- All right, we're nervous. - There you go.

- Make out. - What are you doing?

- I'm just sitting on you.

- And does nothing-- craziest thing.

- All right, if I put a f*cking marshmallow in your mouth,

would you care? - Yes.

- Why? - 'Cause it's sugar, man.

- Oh.

- b*tch, you're f*cking weird.

- Nicole.

- I understand, but I--

let's just--

- I'm going to bed. Good night, guys.

- No. - Good night.

- We're all having fun. - We're not, though.

- No, we are.

- I'm like the emoji where your mind blows.

What just happened?

- I don't care, Nicole. I don't give a f*ck.

How about that? I don't give a f*ck.

- Angelina went through,

like, an entire toxic relationship tonight.

- Yes. She fed you ice cream.

- [speaking Italian]

[laughter]

- I got a lap dance.

- Oh, my God.

She went full frontal.

Second lap dance. - She beat me up.

Oh, you're stepping on my d*ck, bro.

- No, that's not what I meant.

- She had a fight with herself.

- [muffled] Come on. This is so stupid.

- Mm-hmm. - And then she...

- Stormed off and beefed with Nicole.

- She's crazy.

- You're just as crazy as me. Stop talking sh*t about me.

- I am, but you're going wild now.

- Good night.

- I am nice.

I'm the nicest person in the house.

- I said good night.

I didn't say that. I said good night.

- Okay.

- f*ck out of here.

- She's toxic as f*ck.

- Are you ready?

- BDS is a professional athlete.

I'm in the locker room. It's happening.

- Do you know where he is? - You know where Mike is?

- I mean, listen, if you're feeling good,

you're looking good. And if you're looking good,

you're getting good results.

- That's Jay Cutler.

- [laughing] - Oh, my God.

Did he wave back? - No.

- Did he see you wave? - Yes.

[laughter]

- Good night, guys. - No.

- Good night Good night, b*tches.

- Tonight was a...

interesting night at the strip club.

- The thing that's funny is she talked

herself out of the lap dance.

Like, it was all-- you said, yes, let's do it.

- Yeah, let's do it.

You know, I'm trying to play along.

I am single, trying to be friendly.

- Good night. - Good night.

- But Angelina-- there's a lot of friction.

It's very tense.

- Come on, b*tch.

Angelina. - No.

- Can we not be four?

- I'm naked.

See me?

Look at my a*s. - Okay, get some clothes on.

Everything that's happening right now is f*cking bizarre.

You're a very stressful meatball, I'll say that.

I feel like Angelina really wants to be with Vinny,

and, like, you know, have sex with him,

but she's ruining everything.

- It's not about you. You understand that, right?

- I know. - It's about Vinny.

'Cause, like-- - He was willing

to take your lap dance twice.

- Who the f*ck is he?

"Take my lap dance."

- We were playing Truth or Dare, you f*ck.

- [spluttering]

Don't sign up for it, then.

- I'm sorry, but you sound f*cking stupid.

- What was that, dude? - [exhales deeply]

I don't even know.

I'm sore.

I feel like I've been manhandled

by a f*cking grizzly bear.

- It was a roller coaster.

- I don't understand why you're so upset.

- It's been like this for a long time, Nicole.

It has nothing to do with right now.

It's been a thing between us.

- You f*cking like him.

- I would like for him to be nice to me.

- You like him, and you're hurt.

- I will always like him.

- Holy sh*t, this is huge,

'cause she actually likes Vinny.

See? It's true.

You wouldn't be so dramatic and upset

if you didn't really like him.

- I almost feel like-- - You like him.

Just say it. You like Vinny.

- I've known Vinny for a long time.

I've always liked him like that.

- But, yo, she pulled me aside. - What'd she say?

- And that's when you walked in.

It was all awkward. - Oh, yeah.

- Can I talk to you for a second?

- Yeah.

- What do I do...

to make him not think, like, I'm a joke?

- Um...

- Like, we're just, like, friends,

and, like, I'm down to have fun and all that.

- Yeah. - She's obviously crazy,

out of her mind, so it's hard not

to make jokes about... - Yeah.

- Her kneeing me in the ba*ls and sh*t.

You know what I mean?

- I do think she overthinks it, though.

Just chill. Just have fun, whatever.

- Her personality is just, like, very abrasive.

Oh, you're stepping on my d*ck.

But if Angelina ever, like, you know,

kind of, like, softened up a little bit,

anything is possible.

- If that happens down the line, it happens.

You know what I'm saying? - Yeah, you know.

If that ever happens one day... - bottles of tequila--

I mean, whatever. - That could happen one day.

- I think tomorrow morning-- I got to tell you right now.

After this, I think I'm gonna go rogue.

- No, you can't go rogue tomorrow.

We are cheerleading for Mike tomorrow.

- After that.

- Oh, after that, do your f*cking thing.

Go get arrested. I don't care.

But for tomorrow, we're cheering for Mike.

And the fact that Deena's not here

and she's the only one that does the cheers with me,

you have to step up.

Can we go over the cheers? - Okay.

- I'm down a meatball. Jenni hates cheering.

So, Angelina, I need you.

- Ready! [object clatters]

- [gasps] You're a nightmare.

- Aah! - sh*t.

I mean, we're basically f*cked.

both: ♪ We're the best ♪

♪ We're Team BDS ♪

- ♪ A-T-T-A-C-K, attack the sack ♪

♪ A-T-T-A-C-K, attack the sack ♪

Mike's gonna k*ll you.

Not gonna be great, but our spirit's there.

- It really is, though.

both: ♪ sh**t three, Mike, we want to win ♪

♪ Get your sack in the hole ♪

- Whoo! Whoo!

Okay, so long. - Good night.

- ♪ Me plus you, and you plus me, yeah ♪

♪ We're a happy family ♪

♪ Me plus you, you plus me, yeah... ♪

- You feeling better, dude? - Yes, I'm feeling better.

- Good. - It sounds like CJ's better.

- Cameron's temperature's finally down

and back to normal. - Oh, good.

Feel good, dude?

Yeah? - Yeah? Good.

- If he's feeling better, maybe you could still

catch the tournament tonight. - Are you sure?

- I'll be fine.

- Now that the kids are doing better...

All right, let me see if there's any flights.

I think that I could go on this trip

and surprise my roomies.

All right, so there is a nonstop flight.

Are you sure? Are you guys gonna be okay without me here?

No. See? He said no. - Yeah, he's going to be fine.

I think you're wasting valuable time.

- All right, all right, I'm gonna go.

- ♪ Take me, shake me, you can never break me ♪

♪ Love me, hold me, even if it's only temporary ♪

♪ I just know I want you to be only

♪ Living in the moment solely ♪

- [groans] - Angelina.

- I'm hungover. - Girl, you can't be hungover.

We have to cheer today. - I don't want to get up.

- That smells good, bro.

Smells like breakfast.

Big day today.

["Call to the Post"]

♪ ♪

- Today is a day

to be a cornhole world champion.

It is the ACL Super Hole World Championships.

It's D-Day.

I don't even know what D-Day means,

but I'm feeling like a winner.

Oh, damn.

- Don't worry, bro. We got this. We got this.

- Big day today, boy. - Yep.

Let me go check on the boards

and let me center myself with nature outside.

I'll be back.

- Get in the right headspace.

We need you winning this sh*t, man.

Man, I got a lot of money on this game.

- It's time.

It's time to envision victories.

[dramatic music]

Corn star!

The goal is nothing but hole.

♪ ♪

Corn star!

It's time to just go out there and win.

Corn star!

[sighs] Today's going to be a great day.

♪ ♪

Corn star!

- ♪ I been making millions ♪

♪ And I spend it on the dance floor ♪

♪ Every time I run out, I go out ♪

- Morning. - Morning.

Why do you have these? Are those, like, eye things?

- I didn't sleep, so my eyes are puffy.

I got to get my sh*t together,

'cause today is the day.

It's our cheering.

We got to cheer and go crazy.

And it's, like, a big deal. This is ESPN, b*tch.

This is no joke.

After you fell asleep, we went out by the fire.

Angeliners was, like, really drunk.

But, like, I had to, like, talk her off the ledge

of Vinny not thinking she's sexy.

- Oh, you're stepping on my d*ck, bro.

- And I'm like, he thinks you're pretty and beautiful,

but, like, you just sat on his face.

- So Angelina confessed to me that she really likes him.

- Same.

- Yo, what was it like being up and close

with the Brenda last night?

That was all up in your face.

You got a little bit of pink eye.

- I do? I feel like I have pink eye.

- I can't tell if last night she was just drunk

and, like, being dramatic or if she really likes him.

- I feel like, if you're flirting that much,

and, like, you're talking sh*t...

- There's got to be something.

- Somewhere in there, you have a crush.

- There's got to be.

- Drunkenness, man.

I'm hungover.

I don't want to get up.

I really don't remember much from last night,

and I'm probably better off that way.

How am I gonna make it through this day like this, damn it?

No, I don't go down. No.

Angelina will always prevail, 'cause it's cornhole day.

We got it. We're going.

I'm still gonna rally for Mike.

Ugh, f*ck my life.

- [laughing] You burned the bacon.

- Smells like a f*ck' bacon fest.

- Wow, you look rested. - [laughs]

- Morning. - Morning.

- Morning. - Morning.

- Morning. - Morning, lap dance queen.

- Oh, yeah, I'm the best at it. I did so well last night.

- By the way, you should get the money from this guy.

You gave him, like, lap dances.

He owes you money, man. - I think she owes me money.

[laughter]

- Eggs over easy? - Over easy, please.

- Yes, please. - Over easy?

- Want me to help you? I'll be next to you.

Come on.

- Guys...

- This is nice. - [chuckles]

- Mm-hmm.

Vinny and Angelina could be so weird,

'cause one minute they're, like, fighting,

like, playful and then flirting.

And now they're just being normal,

cooking breakfast together at the stove.

Frickin' twilight zone--

you never know how they're gonna react to each other.

- We think she likes him. - Yeah?

- She kind of said it.

- You can keep flipping that sausage.

- Oh, yeah, that's my favorite.

- This is nice. Look at those two.

- So cute.

- They look like they're on a date, like...

Usually Vinny kicks his girls out

before they can even have breakfast.

Now he's making it with Angelina.

We're getting somewhere.

I could see this, like,

for the rest of their lives. - Same.

- Yeah, you guys look good together.

- They should have children. - Oh, God, shut up.

f*ck.

- ♪ Ain't nobody, nobody stopping me ♪

♪ Ain't nobody, nobody stopping me ♪

- All right, so I got the flight.

- Yeah, your car's here. [horn honks]

Kids are great. Don't worry about us.

- Oh, my God, I'm really gonna make it to North Carolina.

Like, the surprise is gonna be awesome.

Love you. - Call me,

keep me in the loop of things, all right?

- Mm-hmm. - Have fun.

- I can't wait to cheer.

I can't wait to, you know, support Mike.

And I'm just so excited.

Bye. Love you.

- Don't forget-- attack the sack.

♪ A-T-T-A-C-K ♪

- He's such a good sport.

Love you. Bye.

To the airport, please.

- ♪ Nobody, nobody stopping me ♪

- ♪ Let's go ♪

[cell phone chimes] - Oh, my God.

My fricking flight got delayed?

[sighs] I just want to get there.

- Whoo! - ♪ I'ma go, I'ma go ♪

♪ I'ma go hard ♪

♪ I'ma go, I'ma go ♪

- How you feeling, champ? - Good.

- You look like a cornhole champion.

- Yeah. - Yeah, I already see it.

- I mean, I don't know how big it's gonna be.

It's supposed to be bigger than the last one,

but this is not my first rodeo.

You know what I mean? So... - Ooh, professional.

- Listen, I'm nothing but a corn star.

Gym, tanning, corn star.

I'm hoping that the pressure doesn't really get to me.

- I mean, it's cornhole.

What kind of f*cking pressure is that?

[laughs] Sorry.

- This looks like a cornhole-tournament spread.

- Oh, hell, yeah. You guys did an amazing job.

Breakfast of champions. - I love a good breakfast.

- So, Mike, how you feeling? - I'm feeling good.

I think we put the work in. - Like you should.

- And now it's time to just show up.

[knock at door] Somebody at the door?

- Did Deener show up? - What the f*ck?

Is there a f*cking dead head in there or something?

Mike, I think this is for you. - What is it?

- I peeked inside. - What is that?

- Is it a b*mb?

- Oh, it's Deeners. - Read it out loud.

- "Hi. Since I can't be there, I sent the next best thing.

Good luck today, Mike. Love, Deener."

And she sent... - Deener.

- "Team BDS." all: Aw!

- That's cute. - "Team BDS."

- "Attack the sack." - "Attack the sack."

- Thank you so much, Deener.

- Let's get ready. - All right, guys,

let's get dressed. - Let's get ready.

- You know, I'm a corn star. I'm an athlete.

But all these guys are going to be good.

So I really got to bring my A-game.

I got my squad behind me.

- Nice shirt, idiot.

- Today's the day, guys.

BDS is going to bring home the victory to the Jersey Shore.

Let's put it in. - All of us.

- That's what she said. That's what she said.

- Let's put it in. - That's what she said.

- What are we saying?

- Get it in the sack. - Yes, sir.

- Get it in the hole. - Super Hole.

- Team BDS. - No.

"Put your sack in the hole." - I like "put it in the hole."

- You got the best sack in town.

- Exactly.

- Do one with the hole again.

- Get it in the hole? - Yeah.

Whatever he wants.

- Nothing but hole? both: Yeah.

- Put it in the hole, Mike.

- I like that. Team BDS, put it in the hole.

- Super Hole. - That was dumb.

- No, that's what it's called. - Is it?

- Like the Super Bowl, the Super Hole.

- You guys are legit dating. - You guys should make out.

- You guys are dating. - You should.

- Yeah, you guys should smash.

- One, two, three... - Why don't we just read

the Declaration of Independence while we're at it?

all: Team BDS! Put it in the hole!

- Oh, my God. - One, two, three...

- Why do we need a paragraph?

all: Get the sack in the hole!

- Because today is the tournament day.

- Good luck, Mike. - All right, guys.

We won't let you down. - We'll see you there.

- Bye, guys. - We'll meet you guys there.

- Get that sh*t in the hole.

- Super Hole Championship, yeah.

- ♪ Yeah, I intimidate, they scared of me ♪

[cell phone chiming]

- Delayed fricking again?

Oh, my God.

My flight keeps getting delayed.

What if I fricking don't get there in time?

- Just go to the airport, and hopefully, you know,

it got pushed back, but hopefully that's it.

Hopefully there's no more delays...

- All right, well, I'll-- I guess I'll keep you updated.

I love you. - All right, good luck.

Love you, too. Bye. - Bye.

- ♪ You never give up, you never give in ♪

♪ You never stop for a second for it all to sink in ♪

- Bro, you missed it last night.

- What happened? - [laughs]

This is probably the craziest I've ever seen Angelina.

- What was she doing?

- Oh, my God.

- Picture someone's reaction

when they're getting a lap dance, right?

And then look at this.

[laughing] - Oh, my God, look at her.

- Have you seen this picture yet?

- Oh, sh*t.

Damn. - Nasty.

- ♪ I heard that it's gonna be a stupid good time ♪

♪ I heard that I might just lose my mind ♪

- We need to put our uniforms on.

We're cheering, b*tch. - What the f*ck...

- We're not wearing this. - Is this?

- Get your sack in the hole, Mike!

Yeah!

- I am having heart palpitations

at the fact that I have to go through with this.

- We got a JWOWW. JWOWW.

We got an Angeliners. - Fine.

- And we got a Snooki.

And then we have the pom-poms. Everyone practice your pom.

Whoo!

- Bro, and then she pulls me aside.

She's like, "I want to talk to you."

She's like, "What can I do to make him think I'm not a joke?"

- She makes it tough, man, you know?

She makes it hard. - Your d*ck?

- No, that would be a different story.

- Are you wearing pants? - No.

- What are you wearing? - Underwear.

Do it again.

Harder!

That's all you got, b*tch? - Oh, you psychopath.

- Tell me when to stop.

♪ ♪

- Too strong? - I think I need it

to survive this thing.

- Ready? Okay!

♪ sh**t three, Mike, we want to win ♪

♪ Get your sack in the hole ♪

Here we go. - Let's go.

- I have no bag, and I got to f*cking bring

all my sh*t like this.

- Let's go.

- ♪ Yeah, where they want to take this? ♪

♪ I can see the foes up close ♪

- Hello?

- Yeah?

- Yes, yes.

I wanted to get a fresh cut

before I get on the stage.

The mark of a good day is a fresh haircut.

I have a competition to win, and I better have a fresh fade.

Pauly, you want a cut? - Yeah, I would love one.

- Vinny, what about you? - Sure.

- Yep, MVP for cuts.

- Um, all right.

- All right, thank you so much, Brad.

- All right. - Thanks. Bye.

I don't go anywhere without a haircut.

- Yeah, I mean, that goes without saying

- Yeah.

- ♪ Hatin', hatin' ♪

♪ Yeah, they tryin' to break me ♪

♪ Yeah, I hear them talk ♪

- I believe they call this go time.

You know what way the cornhole champions go?

I'll check it out.

Team BDS, parking for Team BDS.

- M.

- V. - P.

- BDS! - BDS!

- This is the walk right here, boys.

- This is the money team-- Team BDS forever.

No pictures. - Yeah.

- No pictures. - Back off.

- Let me make sure the room's clear.

Right this way, Mike.

- We in the locker room. Ooh.

It's definitely starting to feel real.

BDS is a professional athlete.

I'm in the locker room. I'm in the arena.

It's happening.

- We ready.

- Angelina, how do you feel

about you and Vinny last night?

- I feel like you would have sex with him.

- Yeah, of course I would,

but that's his problem that he won't do it.

- I think he would if he saw the sexy side of you,

'cause you already have a sexy body.

- He should know already, though.

It's not like we haven't hooked up before.

- It's been years, though. You've changed.

You're a grown woman now. You're not a baby anymore.

- You got a*s injections. - And new t*tties.

- New t*tties. Who dis?

[both chuckle]

[knock at door] - That might be the barber.

- Yeah. - What's up, guys?

- Hey. - What's up, what's up?

- Hey, I'm Ty. - Nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you guys. - Vinny. Nice to meet you.

- I'm good. I'm good. - How you doing? Pauly.

- I'm good. - Thanks for coming.

- Good cuts, man. I like what I see right now.

- Yeah. - A good variety.

- Get my man fresh for today. - Are you ready?

- Yeah, right now. - All right, let's get it.

- What are you going to do when you see Jay?

Show your pasties...

- I don't know. - When Jay shoots.

- No, I don't have the pasties anymore.

- All right, then show a full nipple.

- No. - [chuckles]

Angelina has been sliding into Jay Cutler's DMs.

- Could I have the roster

of the f*cking dicks that are coming?

- Why do you want the roster?

- 'Cause I want to f*cking sabotage these people.

I want to make them look at my t*tties

instead of looking at the ball.

What's one of their names? Give it to me.

- Jay Cutler.

- [gasps] Angelina!

- I didn't actually think he was gonna respond.

- Who? - Jay Cutler.

- I hope this pays off,

'cause what I saw from Jay Cutler,

I mean, he's pretty good.

- Just drop a little nip-nip. - No.

We're doing this, ladies.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- Oh, my God, there's thousands of people here.

- Dude, are you kidding?

- b*tch! - Yo.

- Abort mission. - Abort mission.

- Holy sh*t, this is bigger than I thought

it was gonna be.

- Mike, save me.

There's so many people.

- Mike? Where's Mike at? - Dude, I'm having

a panic attack right now. - Hello?

- I have a problem with crowds.

This is totally my worst nightmare right now.

Nicole, I'm having a panic attack.

- No, no, no, no. - Get me out of here.

I'm not doing it.

- Keeping it nice and high? - Yep, yep.

- Don't touch the top? - Exactly.

- Don't mess with your curls for the girls right there.

- Yeah. Oh, damn. - I got you. I got you.

- Wild hair, don't care. Let's get it.

- Hi.

Have you seen Michael Sorrentino?

- The Situation. - Oh, sh*t.

She just said, "Who?"

- God, they hate us. - We're assholes.

- No, they think we're a joke.

- Well, look at us. We look like f*cking bananas.

- Oh, there's mad people in there.

Hello. - Hi.

- Are you Mike's partner? - Yeah.

- Oh, that's Mike's partner. - Mike's partner.

- Hi! - Hi, Mike's partner.

- Did Mike practice today?

- No? You haven't even seen him yet?

- Oh, my God.

I'm so confused.

Everyone's here, and Mike is nowhere to be found.

Is he supposed to be in here?

- You can take it up a little bit.

- A little hash mark. Oh, you want to go even higher?

- Just a little bit, yeah. - We can go even higher.

- Do you know where he is? - Do you know where Mike is?

- You're telling me he didn't practice one time?

- Am I missing something here?

- That's Jay Cutler. - Where is he?

- Now he moved. He's right there.

- Where? - He's right there. Behind us.

- Where? - Right there.

- I thought that Jay Cutler was gonna be this,

like, phenomenon, like, jacked and, like, muscles.

He's f*cking skinny.

He's like a taller version of Vinny.

- Go f*cking say hi to your friend.

- He's not my friend. - Well, now he is.

b*tch, why are you scared all of a sudden,

like, going up to Jay Cutler?

You literally talked to him in his DMs.

Go say hi.

- What am I going to do, walk over to the [...] guy?

- Yes. - He's a douchebag.

- Yes. Yes.

- Come with me. - Go say hi.

- Go with her. Just go. - Hi.

- Go.

- [laughing] - Oh, my God.

Did he wave back? - No.

- Did he see you wave? - Yes.

[laughter]

- I am dead.

I'm screaming internally.

- Like, he's like, "Oh, I'm too cool."

It's like, no, no, you're not too cool for me, pal.

Obviously, he knows who I am,

and I'm all up in his head right now.

Well, cheers, Jay, good luck.

Cheers to you.

- Are you ready?

- BDS is sizing up all this competition right now.

- All the way from the Jersey Shore,

give it up for Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino!

[all cheering]

- ♪ I got nothing to lose ♪

♪ I'm gonna prove it real quick ♪

♪ I'm accustomed to moves you got to use ♪

♪ Walk a mile in my shoes, you see I move ♪

- Where the f*ck is Mike? - I'm calling him.

- Your call has been forwarded

to an automated voice messaging--

- And it's on voice mail. - His phone's off.

- I mean, listen, if you're feeling good,

you're looking good, and if you're looking good,

you're getting good results, so...

- I might have to steal that from you.

- Where is Mike?

- Be careful. He puts everything he says

on a T-shirt. - I do.

- I'm calling Pauly.

- We don't see Mike anywhere. What is happening?

- Hey, where are you guys?

- We're in the locker room.

- You're in the locker room? We'll meet you there.

- All right, I'll see you in a few.

- [gasps] Is this it?

Oh, my God.

- Do you think I'm gonna cheer in there?

Get the f*ck out of here. - That's it, right there?

- Where are we going to go?

- This is my worst fear.

I am, like, shaking in my boots right now

'cause this is actually, like, a real stadium.

- Just Jenni stage fright happening.

- There are hundreds, if not a thousand or two seats.

I have to do this cheer live on ESPN.

[exhales deeply] I'm gonna cry.

- Well, you know what?

In life, we just sometimes don't want to do things...

[laughing] But we got to do it.

- Appreciate you. Thank you.

- No problem. - I'm ready for cornhole.

- Ew, it smells in here. - Ew, why does it smell?

- It's a locker room. It's a men's locker--

both: Ew! - Ugh, it stinks, yo.

Ugh! - Do men shower?

- This is nasty. - Oh, my God.

- This has got to be the worst-smelling--

I've never. - Here?

- [gags] Yo, I'm grossed out.

This is mad--no.

- Let's go, Mike!

- Hey!

- Yay! - What's up?

both: We're your cheerleaders.

- Now we got cheerleaders. - We're cheerleaders.

- Those are our girls.

- It smells like a f*cking foot in here.

- Wait, so we're gonna be your cheerleaders.

- Oh, hell, yeah.

BDS is gonna be the only one at the event

with his own cheering squad.

- Whoo!

- I guess that means I'm better than Jay Cutler.

- Wait, Mike, we didn't know there was gonna be

thousands of people here.

- Thousands. - There are?

- It's huge. It's like a convention.

- We walked through the whole thing.

It's huge. - Oh, damn.

- Why are you not in that room?

You got to go in that room. - Um...

I mean, listen, if you're feeling good,

you're looking good, and if you're looking good,

you're getting good results.

both: They're practicing. - f*ck that.

I got to go. - Yeah, you got to go.

- ♪ I got a knack for the flare ♪

♪ With a rare hustle ♪

- Oh, thank you.

- Hey, what up?

- ♪ All we respect is muscle ♪

♪ Either it's k*ll or be k*lled ♪

♪ You don't want no trouble ♪

- This right here is the moment before the moment.

- What's up? How you doing, man?

- Good.

- I did.

I'm going to see my partner, get my jersey...

Oh, hell, yeah. Let me throw this on.

Hold the sacks in my hand,

make sure that my sack is just the right weight

so that when I toss it...

♪ ♪

It's nothing but the hole.

♪ ♪

In.

Positive vibes. Let's get it.

- Do you want to show the boys our cheer?

- Yes, please. - The more I do it,

the more I get scared.

- You can't be having them outfits

and you ain't got a cheer.

- This is one of my worst fears.

I have a problem with crowds...

Stage presence--not my thing.

Being, like, seen by the masses.

I don't know, I just-- I have stage fright.

We're in the middle of an auditorium

with, like, a thousand people watching.

We're getting booed, for sure.

- If we get booed, I'm getting flashbacks

of Angelina's wedding.

Angelina had people she didn't even know

at that wedding booing you. - I mean...

- Literally. - [laughs]

- You just met them once.

- I'm Kat. I am the event planner for the league.

I'm going to escort you to your seats.

- Cool. - On what?

- Where is it?

- Cool.

- I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it.

I don't want to be on a live sporting event.

I don't know my cheer.

What if the fans boo?

- It's super low-key, low-key. - Oh, sh*t.

- I'm gonna go throw up now.

Vinny, I hate you. - I'm so excited.

- "The Situation" Sorrentino!

[all cheering]

- The Super Hole World Championships have begun.

There's no turning back now.

- Here, let's go here.

- Panic attack. I'm not doing it. I'm out.

- Jenni is the [...] worst.

What are we going to do? We're screwed.

You just gonna stand there.

It's gonna be great.

- I'm embarrassed.

- Tell me when.

- ♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪

♪ Moonwalking on the stage, smooth criminal ♪

♪ On your screen, clean, K digital ♪

♪ Dope boy, fresh, G-SHOCK on the wrist ♪

♪ Me verse the world, I don't need no assist ♪

♪ I run this city from Miami to Ibiza ♪

♪ Travel around the globe ♪

♪ Call my pilot, and it's wings up ♪

- I was gonna do the cheer, but the jersey didn't fit me.

- I was gonna do it, but I twisted my ankle.

- I was gonna do it, but then I remembered I don't cheer.

- Yeah, gym, tan, cornhole. Let's get it.

- ♪ What you need? You can always count on me ♪

♪ Let's all go up on three ♪

- One, two, three.

- ♪ I feel the crowd ♪

- Not bad, not bad, not bad. Not a bad showing.

It's time for the event. It's happening.

There's no time for any more practice.

- ♪ Got them flashing lights ♪

- Oh, my God.

There's, like, , people in there.

- Flavor Flav!

- Yo, G, you playing cornhole? - Oh, hell, yeah.

I'm a corn star. - Huh?

- I'm a corn star. You know that.

- You a corn star? - Yes, sir.

- Wow. That's big.

- Nothing but hole is the goal, baby.

- Hey, my man.

- Flavor Flav!

- Thank you. Thank you, man. Yeah.

- ♪ Pick it up, get up, everybody, hands up ♪

♪ If you sitting down, then you better come stand up ♪

♪ ♪

- So two of my flights were canceled,

and now I am waiting for my : p.m. flight.

So hopefully I make it to Mike's tournament.

♪ ♪

- ♪ Put your hands up high ♪

♪ Let's party like we never gon' die ♪

♪ Funk in the trunk, boy, keep them burnt down ♪

♪ Party all night till the sun had come round ♪

- I'll take you to your seats. - Flavor Flav, there's my guy.

[laughs] What's up, my guy?

- Pauly D. - How you living?

- What's up, my boy?

Man, you been in the gym.

Yeah, you got your swole on, m*therf*cker.

Man got his swole on.

- You got to do it.

- You're gonna need it.

- [laughs] - Good luck, sir.

- You too, sir.

I don't know if Jay used to the pressure,

but Jay ain't usually on the cameras.

- He ain't used to cornhole.

- So once it's happening, you never know.

It's anybody's game. - Lights get bright out there.

You okay? - Yes, very true, very true.

- Are you guys playing first round?

both: No. - No, no, no,

we do have to perform in order to meet, yes.

- All right, all right.

See you guys in the finals. - Oh, yes.

- See one of you guys. - Yes.

There are eight different teams.

Each team is paired up with a celebrity and a pro.

BDS is sizing up all of his competition right now.

You have ten rounds to go at each other.

I am the last match of the first round.

Ben, man, good luck out there, man.

I'm a fan. - Best of luck to you, sir.

- I'm a fan, sir.

- We're coming for you, just so you know.

- These are elimination matches.

And if you lose, you go home.

So it's pretty much go big or go home,

and that's the name of the game.

Let's go, baby.

[dramatic music]

- Welcome to beautiful Rock Hill, South Carolina,

where today competitors will become legends,

and legends will live on forever.

Live on The Ocho and ESPN, the granddaddy of them all,

this is the ACL Super Hole III.

Let's attack the sack.

- Are you ready?

[all cheering]

- Showtime! Showtime!

- If you guys are ready, let me hear you say

"yeah, boy!"

all: Yeah, boy!

- So energy is insane.

Like, this cornhole championship is the real deal.

Like, we have Flavor Flav announcing.

So dope. [chuckles]

- He played ten years in the NFL,

Terry Kirby!

- Next up...

[inaudible] master Ryan Smith!

- Oh, sh*t!

Oh, sh*t, that's the other guy I was DM'ing.

- That's the other one? - That's the other one.

- He's kind of hot.

- Right now I'm not putting my eggs in one basket.

I'm putting my eggs in many baskets.

- He's kind of hot, that guy.

- WNBA All-Star

and a three-time Olympic gold medalist,

Dawn Staley!

[cheers and applause]

- I've been laughing at this tournament.

I'm like, "Cornhole, who cares?"

But, like, there's NFL players.

There's WNBA players, MMA fighters.

Like, everyone has, like, unique skills.

Like, there's a lot of professional athletes here.

And Mike's, like, yeah, I'm a professional athlete

at throwing these sacks into a hole.

- He is a four-time UFC middleweight champion,

Chris Weidman!

- Where Mike at?

- We got a pro football player coming into the ring,

Jay Cutler!

[cheers and applause]

- Next up... - Your boyfriend.

- Trap is set.

I decided to DM Jay Cutler

solely for Mike to win

because you always want to distract your opponent.

I put that f*cking cheese in the trap.

I'm waiting.

I'm dead, yo.

- Doug Flutie!

- The energy is sick.

We're, like, at a cornhole arena.

- Ben Rector!

- There's a crowd. There's announcers.

We're on ESPN.

- Jacob Trzcienski!

[all cheering]

- I've been laughing at this.

I'm like, "Cornhole, who cares?"

But like, after being here,

like, this sh*t is legit.

- This man don't need no introduction.

All the way from the Jersey Shore,

give it up for Mike "The Situation"!

[all cheering]

- ♪ Yo, I fight hard in the game ♪

♪ I'm in Mike's zone ♪

[all cheering]

- This man don't need no introduction.

All the way from the Jersey Shore,

give it up for Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino!

[all cheering]

♪ ♪

- The Super Hole World Championships have begun.

There's no turning back now.

Let the games begin.

- That was a hell of an introduction.

- Yeah.

- Oh!

- ♪ I'm all in the front ground ♪

♪ No play in the background ♪

♪ No way I can back down ♪

♪ I'm here for a win ♪ - Ooh.

- ♪ We're all in the hunt now ♪

[buzzer blares] - Ryan Smith moving on.

- ♪ I'm climbing from my ground ♪

♪ I'm here for the win ♪

- Oh.

- ♪ I came here for the win ♪

♪ Oh, oh ♪

- Oh!

- Holy crap. Like, these guys are good.

[buzzer sounds] - Dawn Staley!

- So Mike could be screwed here.

- Next up,

Jay Rubin and Jay Cutler

versus Matt Guy and Doug Flutie.

- Jay Cutler.

- Deez bags.

♪ ♪

- Oh, wow.

- Ooh, Flutie's nasty.

- -.

- Damn, they got them all in.

- Round number two.

- Jay Cutler literally has always been good at cornhole.

But I was like, there's no way he's being good today.

I don't think he's gonna win.

I put the evil eye on him like a witch.

And then, sure enough,

I'm watching all this go down right now,

and he's, like, not doing good.

- I don't think Cutler's

backing up his trash talk.

- No, I don't think he's real.

- Jay's back.

- So right now it's -, Flutie.

Angelina, I think your distraction worked

'cause he's losing right now.

- I told you.

See, I told him that it was gonna work.

I have done my good deed for Mike.

My job is done now.

[buzzer sounds] - That will do it.

- So it looks like Mike dodged a b*llet,

'cause Jay Cutler got eliminated right away.

And that's kind of all we wanted,

because Cutler said that it was gonna be

a quick exit for Mike.

But quick exit for you, Jay Cutler.

- Let's get our poms ready.

Yeah, so what's the plan?

- Hey, it's time.

You guys are up next before Mike's game.

- Oh, sh*t, like, I almost forgot

we still have to do this cheer thing.

Here, let's go.

- Panic attack. I'm not doing it. I'm out.

- Oh, my God. - I'm out.

I have to leave this cheer up to Angelina and Nicole.

I have to bow out.

Sorry, girls. I'm not doing it.

- Jenni is the f*cking worst.

She doesn't want to do it

'cause she has stage fright now.

But, girl, what are we gonna do?

We're screwed.

You just got to stand there

and, like, just copy what I say.

Angeliners is not gonna remember the cheers.

Oh, my God. It's gonna be great.

Ready?

- Ready. - Let's go.

- I'm not into this sh*t.

And I'm actually weirded out

'cause everyone's gonna be quiet right now,

and all the f*cking focus is gonna be on us.

- Should we go? Tell us when to go.

- Jenni's, like, just sitting there.

And I'm like, ugh, f*ck my life.

- Jenni, go. - [no audible dialogue]

- This is just like a bad, like, high school play.

This whole thing is a disaster. [chuckles]

I'm embarrassed. - Tell me when.

♪ ♪

- We have a special treat for all you cornhole fans.

♪ ♪

[all screaming]

- Yeah!

- I'm a firefighter.

[all cheering]

- It's game on. It's time to perform.

[all cheering]

- I cannot believe it. Mike doesn't suck.

- Get your sack in the hole! - Whoo!

- What should we do with Ang?

- She said she likes him.

- She does like him.

- I don't know, man. I think she's falling

for the Keto Guido.

I think the probability

of a Vinny-Angelina pairing--

highly likely right now.

So you're saying there's a chance?

- You never know what could happen one day.