- ♪ MTV
- I was invited to the Cornhole League Championships
in North Carolina.
This is how champions live, baby.
- Something weird is going on over here.
Angelina looks a little bit uneasy right now.
- All right, so she might have DM'd Jay Cutler.
- Might have?
I did do it.
[phone chimes] Oh, my God.
"Sorry, Mike.
Quick exit for him."
Yo, that's fighting words.
- Angelina, what are you doing?
- But I'm helping you out, though.
- You're going out of your way and you're DM'ing everyone.
This is messy, Ange Come on.
- How is it messy?
- Mike is pissed.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- I am arriving at North Carolina.
Deena was supposed to be my ride or die on the plane.
But Cameron has a virus.
And now she's out.
- Hey, how's he feeling?
- He was up all night.
I'm not going to go.
- Really?
- I can't leave him like this.
- All that hard work, that cheerleading?
- I know. It's OK.
♪ ♪
[upbeat music]
- Hi.
I got you coffee.
- You're the best. Thank you.
How was your flight?
Wait, where's Deener?
- Cam has coxsackie.
- Oh.
Coxsackie is like a nasty frickin'
disease that my kids got.
And then it went through our whole family.
And it literally took us out for like two weeks.
Cam.
- So I came solo. - Ugh.
I'm going to miss her; she's my meatball.
But like, our whole cheer routine
is going to be f*cked up.
She's the only one that's like excited about it.
all: A-T-T-A-C-K attack the sack.
- Who's going to be a peppy cheerleader with me?
Because we know it's not going to be the other two.
- Was last night good?
- It was fun.
But Ange, she DM'd Jay Cutler and the whole Cornhole League.
- What did she say-- what could she
have possibly said to them?
- Well, she was flirting with two.
And then one guy she was like, how-- is Jay Cutler good?
Like Mike's in the competition.
She went a little too deep.
And Mike got upset.
- Cutler just one hole away from tying this up.
Hits it!
Wow!
- I came out here early to get myself centered.
I was ready.
Angelina shows up and pretty much stirs the pot.
- Cutler really be showing off
the arm strength and accuracy.
- I'm like sitting up in my bed now looking at game tape.
I don't do that.
- Hits it!
- This tournament is really big for me.
And she's really in my head right now.
- Jay Cutler.
The arm on this guy is incredible.
- It's not a good situation.
- Cutler nails another one.
- No, you didn't!
- Have you been practicing your cheer?
- f*ck no.
- [laughs]
- I'm hoping I trip and, like, break a tooth or something.
- It's going to be fun.
- Good morning. - Good morning.
- Morning.
- Oh, where's Deeners?
- She didn't make it.
- Oh my God, what happened?
- Cam's sick.
- She's probably flipping out.
You know Deener.
[upbeat music]
[baby crying]
♪
- Coxsackie is like extremely contagious.
- You don't think that it's kind of inevitable that CJ
is going to get it too?
- I mean, I hope not.
Cameron is sick.
And unfortunately, I'm going to have to miss
the North Carolina trip.
- So you're gonna spend all this time cleaning toys.
And now you're going to get it.
- We're all going to freaking get it, Chris.
I'm so sad my kids have this friggin' coxsackie.
And I know I'm going to wind up probably getting it,
because it's super contagious.
CJ, don't put anything in your mouth, OK?
You don't want to get what Cameron has.
- I got his chicken.
- You got his chicken?
Did he put it in his mouth?
Give it to me.
Can I please have it?
Here, let me just wash a bunch of these,
because I know these, for sure, he put in his mouth.
CJ.
He's going to wind up frickin' getting it.
I'm like so depressed.
I was so excited to go to support Mike.
I just hope that me not going doesn't
put a damper on the whole cheerleading thing.
Let me wash it.
- [shouts]
- You got the chicken again?
- Yeah.
- Oh my God, CJ.
[upbeat music]
- It's really a free day.
We can really do whatever we want.
You want to go downstairs and do a quick little game?
- What about right here? - Yeah.
- That's going to be the most level.
- OK. - Playing to .
- On the board is one point.
In the hole is three.
- Nothing but hole.
Nothing but hole.
- Damn.
- The best throw I ever did.
[buzzer blares]
- What did you guys want to do today?
A relaxing day?
- Yup, family day.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- How are we doing?
- to , I'm winning.
- I feel that Angelina has thrown me off my game.
Damn.
And I'm going to be really pissed at her if I lose.
Oh, God.
Bad.
[buzzer blares]
- Honestly, this is nothing new for Mike.
- Nope, release.
Come on.
- Oh, a little rusty, bro.
I don't think this has anything to do with Angelina.
[buzzer blares]
- All right, point game.
- Yup.
- Oh!
- I beat Mike every time.
- You won, Vin? - Yeah, I won.
How are you going to beat Jay Cutler if you can't beat me?
I started playing this yesterday.
- Come on, I want to go on those bikes.
- All right, I'm changing.
- All right, I'm going in.
Chug my drink first.
[gags] How deep is it?
Ooh, it's slimy.
We're going to have a fun day on the lake.
Ow, ow, the shell.
I want to go on the boat.
I want to go on all the rides.
How do I get on this thing?
Oh, there's spiders!
And I just love being on the water.
It's just so relaxing and fun.
[screams] - Go backwards!
- I'm gonna die!
I don't know how to drive this thing.
- Oh my God, there's a spider! [screams]
- Oh, my crotch.
- I'm not going where I want to go.
- This is more work than I wanted.
Why couldn't we get wave runners like normal people?
- I'm stuck on the rope.
- Doesn't work.
- I can't steer.
The bike doesn't turn the way you need it to turn.
- Oh f*ck!
- Nicole, save me!
- Those thing's a funny looking.
- Oh yeah.
- Get me out. Get me out.
- Save me, Nicole!
- Good morning.
- Ooh! - Jenni!
- Go backwards!
This is a f*cking disaster.
- Doesn't work!
- Look at the girls drifting away.
- I think they're going to Jersey.
- Oh f*ck!
[screams]
- Can we do the tortilla challenge?
- This game can go south really quickly.
Oh my God!
- Are you insane?
I think I have a concussion.
- Oh man, this is weird.
Angelina's throwing herself at Vinny.
Like, what is going on?
There's a smush room here. - You want to do that?
I'll do it.
[both shout]
- Do you like it?
I would date Vinny full-blown.
[electronic music]
- [screams] Oh, sh*t!
- Where are you going?
- It's not steering.
[screams] I'm drifting away.
- You can't go near those boats.
They'll take us out.
- [screams] Jenni, get me out.
Get me out.
I'm lost at sea.
I'm a little nervous.
I'm thinking about "Titanic" and sharks.
And plus, I didn't bring my drink.
[screams]
I'm gonna die.
- Oh my God.
We're idiots.
Put your propeller all the way down.
The rod in the back!
- Oh, what is this?
- Friggin' propeller.
- OK, that works.
We're moving.
- [laughs]
- I didn't read the manual.
I'm not going to sit right for a week.
Do I have to park this?
[screams]
- I never want to do that again.
- Think we burned some calories?
- I think enough for a c*ck.
- It's a lake day.
Let's have a bite.
And then I want to go on the boat.
- Don't look at me and do that right now.
- Like what? - Like a freak.
I know--
- Nah, I don't want to be a gif.
- Is it a gif or a jif?
- I don't know.
- I call it a jif.
- Oh! - Did you got it?
- He got it. That's so a gif now.
You're f*cked.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- Look at that, man. - He's so quick.
- Now you know why I date him. Feel me?
Now you know why I date him.
- [gasps] Can we do the tortilla challenge?
- I'll do that with you.
- Yeah, we're doing that.
So I've seen this tortilla challenge.
And basically, you put water in your mouth,
play rock, paper, scissor.
If you win, you slap the other person in the face.
And if the water comes out, then you lose.
Why not do this with the roomies?
This is amazing.
- All right. - Ready?
- Gonna be awesome.
all: Rock, paper, scissors, go.
- They're already laughing.
[laughter]
- Oh my God, she f*cking swung that thing.
- What the f*ck?
- She gave a roundhouse.
- Are you insane?
- You knocked her glasses off.
- She did an overhand right.
- All right, next, next!
I think I have a concussion.
- Oh my God, she's acting like he's ready to put
out an insurance claim on me.
It was a light tap.
I mean, I think it was.
Oh no.
- Oh God.
- Oh no.
- Ready?
all: Rock, paper, scissors, sh**t.
Ohh! - Mike! Mike!
Mike...
- What was that?
You didn't even hit him!
- Ange, you're up.
- I can't wait for this.
This is like something I want to do to get Vinny so bad.
all: Rock, paper, scissors, sh**t.
Ohh! - He slaps her.
- He's going to love this.
He's going to love this. - Come on.
- Take it, Ange.
Don't spit.
[laughter]
- Oh, her whole face is on your tortilla.
[laughter]
- You can keep going as long as you
don't spit the water out.
- I don't care what Vinny does.
I don't spit.
all: Rock, paper, scissors, sh**t.
Ahh!
- Ange, get him.
- Smack the sh*t out of him.
- For all the times he talked sh*t about you.
- Angelina, your p*ssy is so dry,
I got to go like this after you have sex.
- When he put up the Instagram story--
- And then just put JK.
- [laughs]
- [gasps] Oh my God.
- What are you doing?
- When he made you kiss his toes.
- This is awesome.
- Damn, he got some ugly-a*s toes.
- Oh, damn.
- Damn. She broke her whole tortilla.
- Seemed like some history with that smack.
- They're still not spitting!
- I know. - Another one.
- Go again.
all: Rock, paper, scissors, sh**t.
- Angelina. Oh, damn.
- Whoever came up with this, I love you.
all: Rock, paper, scissors, sh**t.
- She won.
Yes. This is awesome.
- Angelina just keeps winning and slapping
Vinny in the face.
all: Ohh!
Ohh!
Ohh! - Oh, my God.
- I mean, this b*tch wants to k*ll him...
all: Ohh!
- With a tortilla.
all: Ahh!
- Ain't got no more. - That's it.
- That's a wrap.
- I almost got my f*cking teeth knocked out.
- Angelina hit Vinny like times.
- He's gonna get red. - He already is.
Kids, do not try this at home.
- That was fun.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- Hey, how's he feeling?
- He's still very hot.
I feel bad because, like, you know,
like, I know Nicole wanted me to do the chair with her.
And like, I forgot about the T-shirts.
I made these T-shirts.
You know they love my T-shirts.
I wanted everybody to wear them and show
all my support for Mike.
But now what are we going to do?
- OK, so give me the shirts.
I could overnight it.
And they'll have the T-shirts.
Give me this.
Just text me the address. - All right, I will.
Thank you, babe. - You're welcome.
- I love you.
Daddy's gonna save the day.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- Can't wait for the boat.
How was the boat yesterday?
- We just did the duck-- - We didn't go in the boat.
We just went on the duck thing.
- We have to do the duck thing.
- It was awesome. - All right, boys.
We'll be back.
♪ ♪
- Hi, how are you? - Hi.
- Oh, it's going to be so fun.
Oh, come on Ange. - Go on, Ange.
- Do you mind helping the princess over here?
- Hello - Hey, I'm Matt.
- Nice to meet you, Matt.
- Are you single, Matt?
- Yeah.
- All right.
- Captain Matt, cute, nice teeth, very good smile.
He has a boat.
I like that.
- I'm from Jersey, too.
- If you're from Jersey. Why did you move here?
f*cking hater.
- I actually think Angelina is flirting.
- Yeah, if you just scoot like a little bit up.
- f*cking weenie.
- She's cursing at Matt, calling him all these names.
- I'll kick you in the nutsack, b*tch.
- That's like her love language.
- Do you think we're going to fly off?
You f*ck? - Not on the dock.
- He's cute.
You know, I'm just keeping my options open.
f*ck off.
- So how do we get on?
We just go on?
Let's get this sh*t started.
- Oh, oh! - Oh, b*tch.
Why are we rocking?
- I don't like this.
- Because we're on a water, b*tch.
- Oh, they're on the boat now, the duck, I mean.
I hope he whips it.
- How bad could this be?
It's not going to be bad.
It's a f*cking duck.
- All right, here we go.
- [shouts]
- Oh, he's going.
- [shouts]
f*ck.
- I feel like I'm about to rip these guards
right off the boat.
That's how, like, hard I'm holding on to this duck.
- You're breaking my fingers.
f*ck. f*ck.
You're breaking my fingers.
- Look at that thing.
It looks like a happy duck.
But it's angry.
- f*ck.
- Oh sh*t, that was some air.
- You f*ck-- - This m*therf*cker hates us.
- f*ck you, you f*cking prick!
- I think they're calling him sh*t, the captain.
- That's all you got, b*tch?
- I don't know why you would yell at the captain.
He's the one driving you.
These little meatballs are gonna be ending up in the lake.
- You f*cking weenie!
You m*therf*cker.
- Angelina, what are you doing?
- He's so mad.
[indistinct].
Save us!
- I can't believe the tournament's tomorrow.
- I know.
Hoping all that training we did paid off.
- This is definitely going to be
a tough battle because I face two legendary quarterbacks.
And also there's always the distraction
with Angeliners a little bit, which annoyed me yesterday.
But is what it is.
- Yeah, she really took the initiative
to f*ck your sh*t up.
- [laughs] Yeah.
Mike is taking this Angelina thing so seriously.
I wish Mike took the competition this seriously.
He'd win the whole thing.
- She should at least ask me because that outside energy
can throw off a performance because of that distraction.
I mean, listen, there's always that one
friend you just can't control.
There's always that one friend who's just a loose cannon.
And I am definitely second-guessing
bringing Angelina here.
- That's all you got, b*tch?
[upbeat music]
[both screaming]
- Thank you, Captain.
- Thank you, Matt. - Thank you.
- You have nice teeth. - I appreciate it.
- Do you have an Instagram?
- Oh my God.
- She flirts with everybody.
- I'm not saying I'm gonna DM you.
But I usually slide in people's DMs.
- You should probably slide.
- You just want to bang me, I know.
Put your thing in.
- Oh my God, she's still talking to that guy.
- Are you serious?
- Are you an athlete?
- I race dirt bikes and do different things on the lake.
- He's like a surfer dude.
That's not her type.
- Anyone with a pee-pee is her type.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- Yo, guys, I hate to dim anyone's shine.
But ESPN happened to just throw up a poll.
Who would you rather play cornhole
with Mike The Sorrentino Situation or Vinny Guadagnino?
- The f*ck? What the--
- ESPN did that?
- I had nothing to do with this.
I had nothing to do with this. - And who won?
- I don't know.
I'm going to vote for myself.
I didn't ask for any of this.
I didn't tell ESPN to post me.
But kind of love that like I am going
up against Mike right now.
- I'm going to vote for you, Mike.
- No, vote for me. Vote for me.
Guys, guys, vote for me.
- Get out of here.
- Yo. - This is Mike's moment.
- Nicole, Nicole, come on.
- Mike's winning %, Vinny %.
- ESPN.
- Everybody vote Mike.
- I'm adding a post to my story.
So I get some more support.
- I'll be honest with you.
It seems that there's a lot of forces against BDS here.
First, I'm competing against Jay Cutler.
Then it's Angeliners DM'ing the whole ACL
trying to bang everyone.
And now, I'm competing against Vinny in a poll with ESPN.
It's like BDS against the world right now.
- I just added it to my story. I just added it to my story.
- Mike, add it to your story. - It's going right now.
- Oh, I came up one.
- %, %.
He went up.
Angelina, get your phone. - What?
- There's a vote on your phone.
You got to be honest and vote.
- Would you rather play cornhole with Mike or Vinny?
- I'd rather not see any of them.
I didn't give a sh*t.
I just want alcohol.
- She's definitely going to vote for me.
You know you hate Vinny.
- This is your mortal enemy.
Are you kidding me?
He got involved in your relationship.
- Why would she ever vote for you?
She hates you.
- Yeah, but she actually like wants to have sex with me.
- Shut the f*ck up.
- It's /!
- Yeah.
- [shouts]
- Stop it. - /, kid.
- Oh my God.
It's like another thing Mike has to stress about.
This poor kid.
Can't catch a break.
- Yo, what's up guys?
Let me know who you'd rather play cornhole with.
Would it be me or Situation?
Make sure you hit that vote button,
and like and subscribe.
- Bro, what is going on?
This is Mike's event.
- Listen, I had no part in this, OK.
- You posted it.
- I had no part-- yeah, but then
we got into a competition.
I'm very competitive.
- Oh sh*t, Mike %, Vinny %.
- Yes. - What the hell?
- Mike.
- You can just tell Mike is disturbed.
I don't know what's going to mess up Mike more, Angelina
being in his DMs, this poll, or Vinny being better than him?
- Why were you out there for like minutes after we left?
- That guy that drives the boat, he wants to bang me.
I'm just saying. - So you exchanged Instas?
- Yeah, I do that now, Vin.
I slide in DMs too, you f*ck.
- Oh, we know you do.
You slid in the whole ACL's DMs.
- Gonna follow this person.
I'm going to follow that person.
I'm going to follow that person.
- And you're going to see all them tomorrow.
- Yes. - See them?
They want to sit next to me.
I'm like, oh.
- This is going to be messy.
I DM multiple women.
But I don't get them all together in the same place.
Unless it's on "Double Shot at Love."
- of them want to sleep with her.
- But it was to help Mike.
- No one told her to DM the whole ACL.
Ange, don't you think you should
at least ask me, be like, yo, Mike, what do you think?
It's a big event for you. Should I do this?
At least ask?
- I'm trying to help you.
If you don't see what I'm trying to do,
then that's on you, bro.
I don't know what to tell you.
Thought you were going to be happy that he answered me
and, like, we were talking.
- But maybe you should have showed a little respect
for the event.
- Did you show me respect when you did what you did?
- Ooh. - Flip a table.
- You asked me, you said, Mike, if my ex-husband
ever hits you up, let me know.
He hit me up yesterday.
He texted me congratulations on expecting.
I said, thank you so much.
Boom, and I let you know the next day.
- Hold the f*ck on.
You told me last night that you didn't answer him back.
- Both of us agreed not to meddle
in each other's affairs.
Your ex-husband hit me up recently.
But I kept to my deal.
I'm just saying.
- You said that you didn't answer him back.
You said I just wanted to tell you--
- Someone said congratulations because you're expecting.
I said thank you.
- But you didn't tell me that last night.
- He said, oh, congratulations--
- You're tripping on your sh*t.
- Angelina, the issue is not if I said thank you or not.
- But you answered him back.
And you told me you weren't answering him back.
That's the problem.
- No. The question was when your husband hits
me up, if I tell you or not.
- This is the stupidest fight I've ever seen.
I just want to go on the lake.
I want to go out to eat.
And we're just sitting in the house,
bickering about what the f*ck, I don't know.
- You told me I didn't message him back.
And now, you message him back.
- Ooh. - Flip a table.
- And I did my part as a friend.
And I let you know that he texted me.
And I said--
- What's the date of when he hit you up?
What's the date?
- Now you want to know when he hit me up?
- f*ck it, flip a table. - Yo, please.
- I don't know.
What happened?
I don't even know what they're fighting about at this point.
- Oh, I know.
Is it fighting over cornhole?
- This is not the issue, Angela.
We're talking about DM'ing Jay Cutler.
- Flip a table, flip a table.
- It was trying to help you.
- Trying to help me?
- Flip a table.
- Is it fighting over the old beef with Chris Larangeira?
- You meddled with my f*cking marriage, Mike.
Shut up.
- They're fighting over the speech.
- Even though I forgave you.
The fact that he text you--
- Flip a table. f*ck it.
- Take that up with him or Verizon.
- Verizon? - Flip a table.
- It's like I don't even--
- I don't know what they're fighting over at this point.
- Please f*ck outta here.
- Now you going in a circle. - Don't even.
- Yep. Flip a table.
- Angela, the issue is--
- That's my f*cking family that call me that, not you.
- Oh. - Flip a table.
Will someone just flip a table and get it over with?
- That's all that has to happen.
- That's all you got to do. - That's all that happened.
This is a reality show. both: Flip a table.
- I actually tried to help.
- You're the definition of toxic.
- And delusional-- flip a table.
- You know what, Angelina? You're right.
plus is .
You just got to carry the .
both: Ohh!
- Oh, that's so great, Mike.
- [yelling] - Can we go, please?
I want to go in the lake.
- Flip a table.
- I'll flip a table if we can get out of here.
[upbeat music]
- Tomorrow's is a big tournament,
don't be gassed up, man.
Mike is in his feelings right now about DMs
and the poll with ESPN.
Angelina's mad at Mike for texting her ex-husband.
And the rest of us are just hungry.
[laughs]
- Why he still mad and salty about this?
I actually tried to help him.
- Enough.
Can we go please? - All right.
- Let's go eat.
- Can't believe Vinny got coxsackie.
- What's up? - We're back.
- Oh, there's your boyfriend's.
Back in the boat, yay!
We should have never left.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- Coolest part about living on a lake
is you get to take a boat to dinner.
- I love being on the water.
- Oh, this is dope.
- I like your boat, Matt.
I think it's hot. - Thank you.
- I'd bang you on it.
all: Oh!
- Angelina now has a new side piece, Captain Matt.
- I'm glad we're on the same page, you know?
[together] Ohh!
- Finally!
- I always knew Angelina had a thing for seamen.
- Oh, I like that, you know how to slip it in good.
- Yeah, but let's see how he pulls it out.
- Slip it in good?
- Enjoy your dinner.
all: Thank you.
- Just want to get a c*ck.
- Angelina just wants to get
the c*ck, minus the tail.
- Oh, how nice.
- Oh, wow.
Is there a spot for a cornhole champion to sit?
- Mike, I see you voting for yourself.
- Oh yeah, what's the tally?
- % Vinny, % Situation.
- ESPN posted me jump-roping once.
- I think that you should post this picture of Vinny on ESPN.
- Anyway.
- Vin, when are you going to get laid?
- Girl, you tell me.
Angelina's worried about when I'm going to get laid.
Like, this girl does not stop thinking about sex
now that she's single.
- Are you going to invite that guy back is the question?
- Captain Matt?
- Maybe.
- You should have a threesome with Vinny.
- No, I don't do that sh*t.
- Double stuff? - No.
- Oh DP? - Double penetration.
- I wouldn't do that.
- It's too close to the other guy's d*ck.
- You've never done that? - No, hell no.
- ATM. I haven't either. - Yes, you have.
- You've definitely crossed swords
with someone in the past.
- No, we did the Eiffel Tower before.
But we never crossed swords.
- Who?
- Me and Vinny.
- Wait, what's the Eiffel Tower?
- One's banging her from behind.
The other one's getting his d*ck sucked.
- There are some things I wish I didn't hear in life.
Mike and Vinny explaining what an Eiffel Tower is
and the fact that they did it, ew.
Wow.
And you guys were just cool with it?
- was a weird year.
- Do you know how many, like, sex tapes they have of us?
- I know. - It's disgusting.
[upbeat music]
♪
- Whoa.
- The fact that we would just all have sex
on camera, like, all right.
No big deal.
- And we shared the smush room without washing the sheets.
Nasty f*ck.
- Angelina, how much money for you to do a sex tape?
- No. - Not with me.
I'm just saying in general.
- I wouldn't.
- Everyone has a price, everybody.
- What would you do it for?
- $ million.
$ million-- I like three.
- I don't have one.
- You'd do it for a mil.
- $ million.
- No, thank you.
- Jenni's already sucking the d*ck.
- Me? - For $ million?
- $ million? - For a sex tape?
f*ck no. - $ million.
- She's a mother. - $ million.
- Nope.
- $ million.
- I would do it for like $.
- Whose d*ck, though?
- Zack. - Maybe.
- $ million?
I would suck Zack's d*ck.
- Are we talking like pre-tax--
or do then we still have to get taxed?
Then we're looking at what, $ million?
- That's still $ million.
What?
- The whole world pays taxes except Mike, but--
everyone else--
both: Oh my God!
- Everybody else pays taxes.
- Mike that's your friend? - How much would it be?
- Mike.
- Angelina, can I try one of those crab cakes?
- Sure, baby.
- Can you give me some crabs?
- Sure, babe. - Thank you.
- That's for you.
- By the way, I think that sex ed and everything,
they overhyped crabs.
- The crab louse is usually
found in the hair of the pubic region,
always seeking new homes, new warm, new blood to suck.
- I don't even know anyone who's ever had crabs.
- Are they actually crabs or is it just like--
- No, I think they're little bugs that jump.
- Are you f*cking kidding me?
- No, but I'm going to be serious with you,
Pauly, I've never heard of being real.
I'm sorry.
It's never been real.
It's a lie.
- What?
- Herpes, chlamydia, syphilis, it's not real.
- Crabs are real, I wouldn't know.
- It's not.
It's all f*cking hyped up.
- Angelina doesn't believe that STDs are real.
Vinny just lives with them.
I mean, he goes to Costco to stock up on penicillin.
- Are crabs real?
- Are they real? - Yeah.
- Yeah, I catch them.
- No, no, the--like, the disease.
- Oh, I have no idea. - Yeah, same, girl.
- There's no such thing as crabs.
It's f*cking herpes, bro.
[buzzer blares]
- Who's the flat-earther over here?
You think the Earth is flat?
- Only Mike.
- Some people think that we are also flat-earthers.
- Then how come you don't hit a wall?
- Because they don't allow you to travel past Antarctica
or else they'll k*ll you. - Oh.
- Mike, you're a flat-earther?
- I'm willing to have a debate about it.
I like to look at all the facts first
before I make a conclusion.
And the conclusion that I've come to
is that we know nothing at all.
- Our planet is round.
- Every other thing in the atmosphere is a circle.
- Yeah, but there's a debate out there
that everything that you've been taught
has been designed to fool you.
- You know, when they say you can't pick your family,
you can't pick your family.
- Are we in a simulation?
- I do believe yes.
- What do you mean by that, like "The Truman Show"?
- Simulation means that your whole entire life, you're
in a pod somewhere like this.
- Eww. - And this is all fake.
- So what happens when you die then?
- Then your pod or whatever dies too.
- I don't think so.
I think when you die--
- We're spirit.
We go to heaven.
Oh my God, you guys, don't believe in heaven?
We're Catholic. What's wrong with you?
- I do believe in Jesus. I do believe in heaven, yes.
- Do you believe in demons and ghosts?
- I do. - I've seen them.
What's the thing in Staten Island on Highland Boulevard
where you drive up, you turn your lights off,
and the girl comes running out?
- That is called prostitution.
[laughter]
[upbeat music]
- Beep beep. - Beep beep.
I'm like, having FOMO a little bit.
Like, I'm like, wondering what they're doing--
if they're doing the cheer.
- Look, pretend I'm Mike.
Give me a little cheer.
- A-T-T-A-C-K attack the sack.
- [imitates crowd cheering]
- It's like I'm there.
Get that out of your mouth.
- I wonder how he got sick.
- No mouth.
[rock music]
- Oh, so full.
- All right. Thank you.
- Thank you. - Are you guys ready?
- Yeah.
- Thanks guys, have a good night.
- We have two cars? - Yep.
- Bye, guys.
- See you there.
- So Deener, obviously, is not here.
So you need to say the cheer.
Let's practice now. - f*ck.
- Ready?
all: We're the best.
We're team BDS.
We're the best. - Can you talk?
all: We're team BDS.
- You talk all the m*therf*cking time.
I can't you say the cheer?
- I'm drunk, b*tch.
- Mike, how are you feeling?
Ready for tomorrow?
all: We're the best; we're team BDS!
- [screams]
- She's just yells. She's didn't even say it.
- We're team BD--
[screams]
- Listen, Angeliners is definitely going to distract
me no matter what tomorrow.
You know what I mean?
- [screaming]
- Angelina-- - [screams]
- She's definitely caused a mess.
But now, it's just time to just let go
and vibe out until tomorrow.
- Get your head in the game.
- Yeah.
[laughter]
- Oh my God. Oh!
[laughter]
- Gonna be a f*cking nightmare.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- Angelina, is your friend coming over?
- Who? - The captain.
We're good wingmen.
If you want us to call him up, we will.
- No, no. - I'm kidding.
I'm kidding-- I'm not. You think I'll do that.
Get off me. - Are you ready?
- Ew, the sexual tension.
- [gasps] I like that.
Do it again.
I am a f*cking single woman now.
And the pickings are pretty slim in the lake house
right now.
I got to tell you that.
So Vinny's starting to look a little good with these beer
goggles, actually. Come on.
- They're sexually assaulting each other.
- Don't do that.
- Oh my God. - I kind of like it.
- Don't do that. - What?
- I need somebody that's going to put me in my place
but in a sexy way,
where it makes me want to bang him.
- My protein ice cream just got here.
Give me a spoon. - What?
- Go get me a spoon right now.
- Don't do that.
- Why do you hate that? - I don't know.
I don't like it.
- That's my love language.
- Is it?
- Yeah, choking.
- Maybe it's a Staten Island thing.
I don't know.
- Angelina, feed me my ice cream.
Here. - I'm moving.
- Here, sit down.
Hey, hey, hey, I ordered you to sit down.
- Damn.
- She likes a guy that's in control.
Here, feed this to me.
- Weirdo.
- [indistinct].
Oh, feed him.
- Good job, baby.
- I think Vinny wants a girl that treats him
like his mother treats him.
And even though nobody can be Paula,
here comes Angelina with the airplane ice cream.
- [indistinct].
[laughing]
- Oh man, this is weird.
I don't know what I'm watching right now.
But it's like sexual.
- Oh, now you wanna do it.
- I cannot unsee this.
Put it on his n*pples and lick it off.
I'll lick it off--
- Put it on her n*pples. - Put it on your n*pples.
- Stop. - She said--
- All right, go. - She said sit on his d*ck.
[together] Ohh!
- Oh, she had a titty out.
- Titty.
- What is happening?
I feel like Angelina wants to bang Vinny for real.
- There's a smush room here.
It's downstairs.
- No, I'm not trying to do that.
I mean, maybe I would.
I don't give a f*ck.
Probably-- you wanna do that?
I'll do it.
- Huh?
- Ohh.
- Oh my God.
I've seen a lot of lap dances in my day.
- Where'd the banana come from?
- I don't know what this is.
- Angelina, be sexy.
- Now that's how you get pink eye.
[upbeat music]
- What is going on here?
- Angelina took her t*ts out. - No, she didn't.
- Swear to God.
- She took a full titty out? Let me see.
♪ ♪
- Oh my God.
This is insane.
There's a smush room here.
It's downstairs. - Do you want to do that?
I'll do it. - Oh, damn.
Right now, Angelina is throwing herself at Vinny.
Like, what is going on?
- Oh, sh*t. This is awesome.
Where's Mike?
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- All right, everyone's wildin' upstairs.
But BDS has to concentrate, focus, and get
my repetitions in right now.
You're a corn star.
f*ck.
- Please, can we go to bed? - Go.
- No, I don't want to go down that road.
- Why are you so scared, you f*cking p*ssy?
- f*ck. - Come on.
- Angelina is trying to like get
me to go into the smush room.
But she's just not like sexy with it.
She's too messy and aggressive.
- I farted.
- Ew, he farted.
- Ew. - He did?
- Yeah.
- That's his love language.
- You really farted?
- I'm trying to keep like a perimeter here.
- It's his defense mechanism, like a skunk.
- Oh, damn it.
Angelina is all in my head right now.
And it's definitely throwing me off my game.
Not good.
God. Son of a b*tch.
f*ck.
I got to get past this.
Redeem yourself, BDS, redeem yourself.
I got to focus on the five Cs of cornhole.
Number one is concentrate.
[inspiring music]
Not bad.
The second C, commit.
That's what I'm talking about.
The third C is correct strategy.
Up to the left and release. Yes.
Fourth C is to conquer.
Wow, that was a nice throw.
And the fifth C of cornhole is cornhole.
Let's go.
There it is.
- I don't need your d*ck.
But I don't mind your d*ck.
If you want it, let me know.
- Oh my God.
- Will you just f*cking get it in; this is like years.
- Vinny, just please make out with her.
- No, we're like brother and sister.
- Well, that's weird 'cause you guys f*cked.
- [laughs]
- as*h*le.
- Listen, I think Angelina's a nice girl.
She's a pretty girl.
But she's just too rough.
It's not sexy.
But if she ever gave me a reason to be attracted
to her, like, I'm open to it.
- Come on, Vin.
- Maybe if you like dead sexy in a lap dance, like,
I'll be like, oh sure.
- Ange, he just said, give me a lap dance.
- OK. - She's like, OK.
- All right, Ange. - Let's do it.
- All right, ready?
- Yeah, I'm ready.
- Come on, Ange.
- Do it!
- I mean, I feel like this is Angelina's moment
to show how sexy she can be.
And like, Vinny will be like, all right, maybe I'm into it.
Woo!
Go Ange!
- [groan]
- That's sexy.
- She's so bad.
- Whoa, whoa.
- Go, Ange!
- When you give a lap dance, you're
supposed to like sensually graze someone's p*nis.
Angelina is like literally stepping on my ba*ls.
- What the f*ck?
Oh my God.
You went full frontal.
- Watch your feet. - I can't breathe.
- Why do you have a banana?
- Where'd the banana come from?
- No, no, no.
- Eat some of it, and [indistinct].
- It's like part of the show. - Eat some.
- What the f*ck is going on?
That's part of her act, all right, all right.
- I can't breathe. I can't breathe.
- Open your mouth. - No.
No, what are you trying to baby bird me?
Get the f*ck out of here. - What the hell?
- Get off.
No, no.
- Oh my God.
Ange, that's offensive.
- Man, I've been to a lot of strip clubs in my day.
I've seen a lot of lap dances.
This, I don't know what this is.
- Angelina, be sexy.
[fart noise]
- Oh my God.
- Now, that's how you get pink eye.
I wouldn't pay.
I'd pay money to not get a lap dance from Angelina.
[laughs]
- This song over yet?
- Go Ange!
- Oh my God.
This is like actually painful to watch.
- I like to call this dance the mistake by the late.
- Oh, get off.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- [groans]
This song over yet?
- Shut up.
Want me to put my a*s in your face?
- This is the most unsexual lap dance
I have ever witnessed.
You know when a dump truck just dumps?
- Oh!
- That's what's happening right now.
- I've had enough.
- Vinny, can you just have sex with her?
- Let's go.
- I don't know if this guy was impressed.
- Come on, bro. Give me a break.
I don't get him.
One day, he's saying he wants to hook up with me.
Then, another day he's saying you're too good of a friend,
you're my sister.
f*ck off.
We're like the Ross and Rachel of "Jersey Shore."
I don't get it.
Can I talk to you for a second?
- Yeah.
What the?
You out here getting it?
- Yeah, man, I just needed a little hole
before I went to sleep.
- Oh sh*t, my man's determined.
- What do I do to make him not think like I'm a joke?
- What?
Did you see the lap dance you just gave him?
- That was vile.
- I think Vinny thinks I'm like really--
oh my God, so embarrassing.
Even though we joke around all day, every day.
When Vinny and I are alone, he's extra sweet to me.
And I actually enjoy his company.
It just kind of like makes me think what if, you know?
What do you think?
- Um.
- Where's the ping pong?
Where's the paddles?
- I don't know.
- Perfect timing, Vinny, thank you.
I don't want this conversation to go any further.
- What are you guys planning? - Nothing.
- Nothing.
- This is so awkward.
- Why are you being weird?
- What do you mean?
I'm drinking this.
- Leave us alone.
- Why you drinking Pedialyte?
Everything that's happening right now is f*cking bizarre.
There's like sexual tension.
What is going on here?
- Vin, did you fart again?
- How you smell it from over there?
- [shouting] - And how do you not smell it?
- Oh, my God, get me out of here.
- You still wanna have sex with me?
- No, no, ew.
- All right, guys, I'm out. - All right, go to bed.
- Mike's going to rest before his tournament.
I'm sweating. It's out.
I'm out.
I got to get out of here.
I got to go to sleep.
These are the world championships tomorrow.
And these guys have done nothing but distract
me the whole time they've been here, to be honest with you.
- Why are you being so weird?
- I feel like...
If don't think I'm pretty and attractive--
- He never said you're not-- - I'm not saying that.
- He was waiting for you to be sexy,
and you weren't.
Angelina is freaking out right now.
She's just like, Vinny doesn't want me.
He doesn't think I'm sexy.
She's getting upset.
And I feel like she's, like, showing her true colors
on how she feels about Vinny.
- My thing is like I really like him.
- Oh, Ange.
- Are we talking about sexual stuff?
It's OK if there's not a sexual attraction anymore.
It's been years.
- f*ck my life.
[sighs]
What's Vinny's excuse?
Like, I don't understand he was--
- Maybe--
- He was so in--
in it for me in the beginning.
[upbeat music]
- Where did Angeliners go?
- I don't know.
What were you talking about with her?
♪ ♪
- I've known Vinny for a long time, like junior high school.
I-- I don't--
I know he doesn't take me seriously at all.
- She didn't like the striptease she gave you.
- Neither did I.
- You're gorgeous.
You're beautiful. I think you're just--
you're a little bit of a trucker.
I think that's where Vinny can't
take you serious because you're a little trucker.
I'm a trucker. But I don't want Vinny.
So I don't give a f*ck.
- Yo, she pulled me aside.
She wants to know how she can be less of a joke.
- OK.
- Do you like him?
- I like him.
I've always liked Vinny.
- But do you want him to be, like, something in the future?
Or do you just want him to be like a friend?
- If Vinny was going to be
hands-on, full-blown, ba*ls to the wall,
all-in, I would date Vinny full-blown.
- Wow.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- Drop it hot on Vinny real quick.
- Oh. You're stepping on my d*ck, bro.
- b*tch, you're f*cking weird.
- Nicole.
- Corn star.
Today is going to be a great day.
- Today is the tournament day.
- That's Jay Cutler.
- Hi.
Did he wave back? - No.
- Did he see you wave?
- Yes.
[laughter]
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06x03 - Lake Jersey
Watch/Buy Amazon
Series is a revival, sequel, and reunion series of the reality television series Jersey Shore, which ran from 2009 to 2012.
Series is a revival, sequel, and reunion series of the reality television series Jersey Shore, which ran from 2009 to 2012.