05x16 - El Paso (Part 1)

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ MTV ♪

- Babe, I got booked in El Paso.

- Cool.

- El Paso will be perfect to get

"Jersey Shore" crew to come.

- Do I stir the pot sometimes?

Maybe.

I'm sending it to the squad right now.

- Being lied to about so many things,

I mean, obviously we're going to be upset.

- Well, if she comes to El Paso, it is what it is.

- They're believing everything Chris says.

- So I'm interested to see

when we all get together, because--

- There's some beef.

- I don't know how much more I could take of this.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- ♪ Wake up, let's get it ♪

♪ Let's get it ♪

♪ Been laying down for way too long ♪

♪ They tried to get me, but now let's go ♪

- I am packing up to go to El Paso

and then straight to Vegas for my Chippendales' show.

- Vin?

- Yeah?

- Hey. - Hi.

- Hi.

- What'd you bring, Mom?

- Just a couple of things.

- I don't need anything.

I told you.

You know, I'm going to El Paso.

- Is El Paso where the Alamo is at?

- I don't know. - You don't know?

- It's been a crazy couple weeks

leading up to this trip.

Angelina's exes and side pieces are reaching out to Mike.

Chris says that Angelina leaked the wedding speech.

- And then Mike sends all the receipts.

A week after that, this article comes out

confirming the whole thing.

- So everybody's going?

No husbands, wives. - Mm-hmm.

- And--okay.

- And now the girls are going back and forth on Twitter.

And it kind of reignited a flame that was put out.

And this trip to El Paso is gonna be a dumpster fire.

- Angelina, she's all right?

She has a boyfriend, right?

- I think she has a couple.

- Oh, poor thing.

- That's why I don't get married, Ma, you know?

- Yes, Vinny, you don't need that garbage.

- It saves you the divorce.

- You're good. That's right.

- ♪ Wow, wow, wow, wow, if you know you're bad ♪

♪ Tall, tall, tall, tall, better handle that ♪

♪ Haters get out of line, don't let it ♪

- All right, Pea.

Should I go, or should I not go?

Time for El Paso.

On one side of me I'm like, maybe I could just

see the roommates, talk some things through.

On the other side of things, I'm like,

These girls are going on Twitter

tweeting [bleep] about me leaking a wedding speech

when I had nothing to do with it.

We agreed no social media.

- We're trying to deal with this social media thing.

- If I say that I'm never going to go on social media

and say anything, I want the same respect.

- What do you think?

- No, I won't take it to social media.

I'm never going to be the one that disrespects somebody.

- And you know what?

Shame on Mike.

Mike pried in my business, letting my husband call him,

letting other people call him.

They're believing my husband over me?

Why would you [bleep] people believe my husband over me?

He's trying to [bleep] ruin my whole life.

[dog barking]

Well, why are you mad?

I said I might not go.

[dog growling, barks]

[upbeat funky music]

- This is going to be a dope trip.

I think everyone's going.

I'm assuming everyone's going.

I don't know if Angelina is coming or not.

There's a little bit of drama going on with the family

right now.

- ♪ Break out, don't think about it ♪

♪ We'll do it now ♪

- Are you going to miss me?

- You'll be gone for one day.

- They say abstinence makes the heart grow fonder.

Makes the heart--

- "Abstinence" is a different word.

[upbeat music]

- Okay.

All right, Moser, before I leave I'm going to give you

one of your besties.

I'm excited for a little trip.

I haven't spoken to Angelina.

She hasn't spoken to anyone of the squad.

We kind of know that she's a little pissed off.

The husband reached out to me.

So I recorded that [bleep].

I'm sending it to the squad right now.

The girls did their own thing on social media,

did some posts and such.

But that has nothing to do with me.

- We'll be right back, Moser.

- I know it's really messy right now,

but I don't think I did anything wrong.

I recorded that [bleep].

So we'll see what happens for me.

All right.

I think we're ready to go.

What are you doing?

- Did you forget something?

- No.

Just checking in.

- You literally just walked out the door.

- Oh, yeah.

[horn honking]

- Deener!

- I'm coming.

- Get in, loser!

- Oh, my God.

- We're going to El Paso! - Annoying.

- You're gonna like what you see there.

Howdy, y'all.

- Well, I'm excited.

- You got the hat?

- I'm ready.

- Then there's always the wild card of,

is Angelina going to come or not?

- Just because you haven't heard from her,

it doesn't mean she's not going to roll up, you know?

- I agree. I agree.

- I don't know if Angelina's coming.

- Well, I saw in her stories that she got her nose done,

so I don't even know if she's able to fly.

- And I'm excited just to, like, drink, chill.

You're going very slow.

[line trilling]

- Olé.

- Hi, babe.

- Hi, babe.

- What are you doing?

- Just chilling right where you left me.

- True. - Yeah.

- What are you doing now?

- Talking to you.

- How about now?

- Same thing.

- Same thing?

- Mm-hmm.

- She misses me.

Heh.

[upbeat music]

- Guys, I just want

to double check that everyone packed

one bag this particular time.

I know we had some issues last time.

- How many of these bags are yours?

- Most of them.

[bell dinging]

- Hi, how are you?

Oh, my God.

- Ooh, look at this.

- This is cozy.

- It is cozy.

- It's about to be that OG trip, so--

- Yeah, we haven't had one of these in a while.

- I know. - I know.

- OG.

- It's going to be fun.

- Are we holding the plane for anybody?

- Is Angelina coming? - Oh, yeah.

Who are we missing? - I don't know.

- You want me to give her a call?

- I don't know. - Maybe give her a call,

see if she's coming, you know?

- All right, yeah. [line trilling]

- Your call has been forwarded to an automated...

- All right. - Voice messaging system.

- Well, all right.

So she didn't answer.

So what's everybody's call?

- Angelina's literally holding up our plane.

So [bleep] rude.

- What do we do?

- Has she hit any of you guys up lately?

- She blocked me from all her stuff.

- She blocked you? - Yeah.

- Stop it.

- She's removing everything, Jenni, her nose.

- Oh, my God.

[funky music]

- ♪ You're gonna know me ♪

♪ You're gonna know me ♪

♪ You're gonna know me ♪

♪ You're gonna know me ♪

♪ I got no [inaudible] ♪

♪ Nobody come close to me ♪

♪ Who gonna stop me? Who's gonna stop me? ♪

♪ Who's gonna to stop me ♪

- Because I don't want to be around them.

, Angelina, this is gonna be my frickin' year.

So today I'm going back for my checkup.

- Hi. - Hi.

How are you? - How are you?

- I'm good. How are you?

- I'm taking time for my life.

I'm taking time for my health.

I'm taking time for my happiness.

And that's what I deserve.

I deserve all that.

♪ ♪

- If she doesn't want to come, then let's go.

- Yeah, I agree. - All right, fine.

- Let's take off, sir.

- All right, let's take off.

- Ma'am. - Ma'am.

Love you, ma'am.

- She's special.

Apologize.

- Let's just go, ma'am.

- ♪ There's nothing after, this is the end ♪

- Feel me, feel me, [inaudible] me ♪

♪ [inaudible] feel me, feel me ♪

- Is this the old Sitch or the new Sitch?

- Mike is heavily invested in this new drama with Angelina.

To be honest, I don't know why Mike got involved this time.

- The old me and the new me is beefing about how we're going

to handle this situation.

- Unfortunately, she decided to pre-ej*cul*te

and sell the speech.

We were at our lowest, and Nicole quit when

she was [bleep] somebody else.

♪ ♪

[twangy music]

♪ ♪

- Yep, this is the rental.

This looks legit.

Oh, yeah, El Paso!

Yeah!

[echoing] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Think the neighbors heard me?

Whoa.

This is nice.

This is better than the pictures.

I love El Paso this time of year.

This could be mine right now, because this one's

away from everybody else.

And I already picked out the room.

I got the dopest room.

And Mike, he snores.

We got the choochest chooch dream.

You have a chooch workout equipment, a chooch sauna,

and a chooch little bed for the little chooch.

Mike could pick his room.

Jenni could pick hers. Hey, Alexa.

Hey, Google.

Hey, Siri.

Hey, Pauly D. She don't want to talk to me.

Also, is Angelina coming?

I don't know.

I like El Paso.

All I know is, we're gonna go to a DJ Pauly D show

and turn up.

So cool!

[echoing] So cool, so cool, so cool.

- Maybe I should just practice my stand-up.

- Oh, my God.

[clears throat]

- Just landed in Texas.

Boy are my arms tired.

- Oh, my God.

- I don't get it.

- 'Cause he's pretending he's like a bird.

- What do you guys think about open relationships?

We are traveling to the future right now...

- Don't give him that. - Faster than people on Earth.

In a hypothetical world...

who am I banging, grandmas?

It's cuckolding in your head.

- Okay.

- We're up in the air, like, you know,

you're-- you're stuck with me.

You can't go anywhere.

What was Nixon like?

He was like...

The girl that farts in the jar.

- Oh, God.

You really-- you need a psychologist.

- Yeah, I know. I do.

I have, like--I have a couple.

[Photronique's "Put Your Hands Up"]

- ♪ Ran the train right off the track ♪

♪ Now there ain't no turning back ♪

♪ I'm a bad girl ♪

- Hi - Hey.

- How are you? - What's going on?

How are you? - Good. Thanks.

- Awesome.

Surgery went great. - Okay.

- Your nose looks great right now, super-swollen.

And during the surgery--

look, this is why it's important to speak

with your primary care physician.

Your blood pressure was high.

- I think that stress is really playing

a big part in my high blood pressure problems.

I think with all the Chris stuff,

all the roommate drama, everything.

- And the reality is high enough that, you know,

you really need to get a workup.

- Say I'm gonna be put in a situation where I have to

walk into a room with people that

are going to come for me... - Right.

- Like, high-stressful situations.

Like, I can no longer deal with those things anymore.

Like, you know? - [chuckles]

- Yeah.

So you really got to be patient.

Things like meditation and yoga and stuff

like that can kind of help.

- Weed people out.

I'm not putting myself in high-stressful

situations anymore.

It's just not worth it, you know?

- Sure.

[upbeat funky music]

- This is legit.

Let me see what else we got.

♪ ♪

Y'all didn't see that.

- I took down, you know, slightly

a little bit of the hump here from the bone

and the cartilage.

- I do love my new nose.

It's very natural, and that's exactly what I wanted.

I think it looks way better than my other nose--

like, my real nose. I'm just saying.

- It's super swollen.

Don't put anything in your nose.

No picking.

- I have to be honest with you about something.

- Yeah?

- I picked a few times.

- Okay.

- I picked it.

- Just stop doing it.

- Aw.

- Yeah.

- And after surgery like this, a rhinoplasty,

you don't want to pick your nose,

but I was picking my [bleep] nose.

I was like, what is--

I keep thinking it's a booger, so I keep trying to touch it.

- No, no.

Don't.

Don't touch it.

- I can't blow it? - You--nope.

- And I can't touch it.

Well, then how do I get the snots out?

Has anybody else got a better idea to [bleep]

get the snots out of my nose?

If I pulled it-- - Don't.

- It already happened.

- Uh, picking at it is not gonna make it better.

It's gonna make it worse. - Did I screw it up?

- It is more swollen than it normally is.

- Well, I blew it too.

- Yeah.

- I can't live with a [bleep] stuffy nose.

It's like putting two, like, things of, like,

glue up there and leaving it up there.

You can't breathe. I need to breathe.

I can't breathe.

- Really got to stop messing with it.

- Well, now I learned my lesson.

Do not pick my nose, Angelina.

I'm gonna have to say it to myself a lot of times,

but I think I'm gonna get it down pat.

- You'll get it.

- Ah!

Damn.

Let me call the chooch.

Yo. - Hello?

What's up? - We got a basketball court.

- Oh, sick. - Goodbye.

I got to tell him about the slide too.

- Yes, Pauly.

- Hey, they got a slide here too.

- Pauly, you got to stop calling me.

- Hey.

- What?

- He loves it when I call, but he acts like he doesn't,

because he tries to be too cool for school.

You know that chooch workout that you do,

the one that's built into the wall

that only chooch do?

- What, the tonal?

- Yeah, we got that for you, my G.

Forgot to tell him about the thee-ater couch.

- Here. You take it.

- Hi, Pauly. It's Deena.

- Oh, Deena.

Glad to have you.

Okay, um, just so you guys all know, I brought my megaphone.

- Oh, fantastic. I love your megaphone.

- Oh, yeah.

El Paso?

Yeah.

They're not ready for Pauly D energy here.

- Wow. - Come on, El Paso.

- What are we in Manalapan?

- Oh, this is pretty.

- Oh, my God.

Do you think there's, like, rattlesnakes?

[twangy music]

♪ ♪

- We're in El Paso, guys.

- Is that how people speak here?

Hey, y'all. Welcome to El Paso.

- Where are these guys?

- There is a lot of desert around here.

- I've never been to El Paso before.

Obviously out of our element, but I'm excited.

- Probably had to stop to get something to eat.

Little do they know I have food coming.

Come on.

I hope they like the house.

- Oh, my God, look at this. - Ooh, this looks rich.

- Definitely rich, rich.

- This literally came out of nowhere.

- It's pretty dope. - Get out, Mike.

- All right. - Let's go.

- Let the meatballs out.

- Way to help me out.

Hello? - Hello?

- Hello. Come on in.

- What's up, man? - What's up, my guy?

Good to see you. - Loving the hat.

- Hi. - Very festive.

- Thanks for a nice house.

This is so nice. - What's up, my guy?

- This is probably one of the nicest houses in El Paso.

- Oh, you're gonna like the backyard.

- Oh, wow.

- Like, what is this?

- What the hell?

- This is like an Olympic-sized swimming pool.

I'll practice my shower routine for you guys

right there later under that waterfall.

- Oh, my God.

- You go on the balcony, you can actually see Mexico.

- Hola!

- Oh, my God.

- Como estas?

- You're so embarrassing.

- Let me show you the thee-ater.

- Damn. All right.

- Oh, cool. Oh, this is cozy.

- Vinny has the beanbag chair.

- Where's Angelina?

- She didn't come. - She didn't come.

- She didn't show up.

- I don't know.

We don't want to make any assumptions,

but she just didn't show. - Yeah.

Who knows? Get it?

Who "nose." [chuckles]

[doorbell rings]

- Oh, food's here. - Oh, someone's here.

[funky music]

- ♪ Move ♪

♪ Move it, do it, do it ♪

♪ With your arms ♪

♪ Do it, do it, move it, move it ♪

- Wow, Texas barbecue.

This is lit.

- This smells amazing.

I mean, you can't come to Texas and not get the barbecue.

It's, like, a sin.

- I'm really breaking my air diet, but [bleep] it.

Bridesmaids at Chippendales will have to deal.

- Have you ever been off-roading,

side-by-sides, all-terrain vehicles type of thing?

- Love it. - Yeah!

- ♪ I want it all ♪

♪ I want the best ♪

- Just like old times.

I'm the first one ready.

- ♪ I want it all ♪

♪ Give me this, give me that, give me more ♪

- Guys, where you all at?

We got to go to UTVs.

- All right, I'm ready. I'm excited for this.

- ♪ I'm at the top ♪

- Hi.

- Oh, you look ready.

- Deener, you got them floss for them new teefers?

- Yep.

- Don't do that right here.

That's my biggest pet peeve.

- He hates watching people brush their teeth.

- Anything to do with oral hygiene,

do that [bleep] in the bathroom.

- You're gonna make Vinny flip out.

He doesn't like-- - Yeah.

I say get the [bleep] out of here with that, bro.

I don't want someone's dirty mouth

garbage out loose like this.

- Bro, you do the weirdest [bleep] with women,

weirdest [bleep].

We're not even gonna go down there.

But you have a problem with someone flossing their [bleep]

teeth in front of you?

That's where you cross the line?

- The human mouth is disgusting.

- You have problems being around somebody

flossing your teeth, but then you'll go [bleep] a*s.

- Hell yeah.

- And get his a*s [bleep].

- I don't do that!

- Sure you do.

- Unless it's Saturday.

[laughter]

- I don't think we will ever understand Vinny.

I mean, to each his own, but I feel like

you just don't want to see this man's browser history.

Do you thank her by giving her a kiss?

- [bleep].

- Ew! - I'm kidding! I'm kidding.

- Ohh!

- Vinny's into some weird [bleep].

- He is a raunch.

♪ ♪

[upbeat music]

- UTVs are here!

You driving?

- You drive like a grandpa.

- Okay, guys, now there is a speed bump coming up.

- Go fast over it so we fly in the air.

- Oh, my God. I should have driven.

[all gasping and screaming]

- What the [bleep] is wrong with you?

Grow the [bleep] up.

That [bleep] annoys me.

- Are yelling at all of us?

- Yes!

- We came off our seats.

- And we were getting screamed at by Mother WOWW.

- Jesus.

- So yo, I went to the boxing gym with Mike.

- All my energy that was directed towards negativity

is now directed towards--

- Angelina.

- It will definitely be interesting

when we all get back together.

- The old Sitch is kind of battling with the new Sitch,

because I feel like a lot of his old habits

are kind of coming back.

- Oh, damn.

- Not drugs or anything. - Okay.

- But like-- - Thank God.

- Remember he was always, like, villainous and wanted

to, like, expose people.

- Me and Snooki kind of hooked up.

- Mike is a [bleep].

- He would be the first one to call someone out.

- Please don't say anything.

- What, that you banged Vinny after this guy

took you out times?

- And now lately he's been, like, trying to live like

a positive life, you know? - Yeah.

- I don't know if it's, like, the Angelina thing,

whatever happened between them.

He's having, like, a little civil w*r internally to, like,

call her out or do something.

- Oh, no.

- Mike is definitely battling between being

the new positive person that he is and the old Sitch.

I mean, the guy has been to rehab, like, four times.

He's been sober for, like, six years.

He's gone to jail.

And nothing can break him except Angelina.

- The old tendencies probably trying to come out.

[bleep] it. I'm here for it.

- Hell, yeah.

- ♪ Take a ride, take a ride ♪

♪ Take a ride, take a ride ♪

♪ Won't you ride with me? ♪

- Ooh, Fiesta.

- Oh, a Fiesta.

You saw that, right?

Adult drive-in movie theater.

- What the hell? - Oh, my God.

- That looks sexual.

- What was that, a porn place?

- So they just bang in their cars--

- Right there. Right there.

- That's like an open bang spot.

- Oh, my God.

- Are they open?

- Let's bring our spouses there.

- Wait. Stop it.

That wasn't a drive-in--

- Hump place.

- Porn place.

- Yeah.

- First of all, where are there drive-ins anymore?

Second of all, how fricking weird is this?

The only person that would enjoy this is Vinny,

because he's such a pervert.

- I would check it out.

- Yeah, I'd go with Chris.

- Yeah.

- Could be fun. - With a bottle of wine.

- Mm.

[BG Knocc Out's "Really Do It"]

- ♪ Get a can of Coke ♪

♪ They don't really want to do it ♪

♪ Really want to do it ♪

- UTV!

UTV!

- Oh, my God, already in my eyes, the dust.

- I want that one.

- ♪ They don't really want to do it ♪

- UTV!

- This looks fun. - UTV!

Believe it or not, if you flip these and you have your hand

out, you'll fall-- you'll get really hurt.

But this will protect you, God forbid, if you were to flip.

- What would it take for, like, something to tip over?

- Surprisingly, it doesn't take much.

- Oh, really?

- Do we have to sign something?

- Yeah.

- Doing something I have to sign my life away,

probably not the best thing for me.

Wait.

Time out.

This thing could flip very easily.

- You're such a mom.

- I'm a nervous [bleep] wreck.

Can I ride with a tour guide?

- [laughs]

- Yo, how fast do these go?

- We'll be going about miles.

- ? All right.

I can [bleep] with .

I feel like I was born in a vehicle, so I'm so excited.

This is what I do for fun.

I brought my own gloves.

I have my own dust mask.

This is right up my alley.

Come with me?

- Where are we going?

- Straight over here.

I have to put a helmet on. - [inaudible]

- Got it?

I knew that was going to happen.

That's why I have a hat on.

But when I take that hat off, I don't want no one to see.

There's a lot of strangers around over here.

- Guys, don't look over here.

- Oh, [bleep].

- You never know.

TMZ could be lurking.

- That was close.

- Yeah, that was close.

They almost saw.

- How do I put this thing down?

How do I get in?

I can't see what I'm doing here.

Can you tighten this a little?

Oh, God.

- ♪ We in the building, we doing the work ♪

- Do you have a pillow?

- Get it, girl.

[horn honking]

- I'm not like a [bleep]... [horn honking]

- Like, fast guy.

[horn honking]

- Move, b*tch!

- I'm, like, a chill guy.

[horn honking]

- Get out the way!

[horn honking]

- ♪ Feel me ♪

♪ Feel me ♪

♪ See me work ♪

- [shouts]

- ♪ Feel me ♪

♪ See me work ♪

- Whoa! Yo!

I feel like I'm in the "California Love" video

right now in this desert.

- Oh, [bleep].

I'm [bleep]. [bleep].

[screaming]

[Scott Joplin's "The Entertainer"]

♪ ♪

- Vinny drives like

my grandmother, who never drove.

He's just like--like, gas, stop, gas, stop.

I'm not feeling it.

Not feeling it at all, quite frankly.

♪ ♪

- Go!

Oh, my God!

We're smoking! We're [bleep]--

- Come on! - Let me out!

Vinny gets stuck.

Like, get me the [bleep] out of this thing.

I can't see, because the helmet is, like, too big on me.

I don't know how to unbuckle myself.

I feel like I'm trapped.

- Of course I'm the one to get stuck.

- I almost hit a cactus.

- That was so cool.

- I'm sweating.

- Dude, that barbecue's coming up.

- Jenni gets carsick in an Escalade. Like, I'm like,

how are you even-- like, she's about to puke.

- Who is that? - Jenni.

- She should [bleep].

- Shocker, Jenni got carsick.

- And I got to give it to Jenni.

Like, she tried, but UTVs are definitely not for her.

- [groans]

Never letting anyone drive again in my life.

[upbeat funky music]

- You all right? Are you okay?

Oh, my God.

- All right, let's roll it out.

UTVs out!

- Yo, I took my side piece on a date today

in some UTVs.

- MTVs, UTVs.

- Let's go get UTIs.

- You look good in a helmet. - I know.

- Leave that on tonight if you don't mind.

- I will, just the helmet. - Mm-hm.

- Ew! - I'm going to--yeah.

- ♪ I got the sparkle and the b*mb vacation ♪

♪ I'm a trip ♪

- I'm traumatized.

What makes a tummyache go away?

- Tequila.

♪ ♪

- Yo, UTVing takes a lot out of you.

[funky music]

♪ ♪

- So why don't we see what's cool

that we can do in El Paso?

This could be fun.

- What do you got there?

- Line dancing night since we're in Texas?

- And I got my [bleep] kickers on.

- Are you guys okay with that?

- No--uh, yes.

- Terrible!

- Yeah, sure.

- We're in Texas.

- I'm going to line dance. Last time...

- Mwah.

- I couldn't really line dance, because CJ was about

to come out of my vaginer.

So yes.

- We're going to go line dancing, b*tch.

- We're going to go line dancing, have some wine...

- Yes.

- And k*ll it in frickin' El Paso.

Let's get it, b*tch.

- I'm going to Amazon a cowboy outfit.

- ♪ I got that energy, yeah ♪

♪ Ain't never stopping, yeah ♪

♪ I got the energy, yeah ♪

- How did I know you're gonna been using this here?

- I got you this thing, man.

- So Vinny has a chooch gym.

There's no weights.

It's just an iPad on the wall with two strings attached.

[machine squeaking]

[laughs]

He claims he gets a workout, but I don't get it.

- Look at this man pulsing away.

How did Twiggy end up in the GTL room?

That's what I want to know.

- Why didn't Angelina come?

- I will say--and I don't know if this

is the right time for it.

Guy--Old Bridge...

- Yeah.

- He said that he had a relationship

with Angeliners for about to and / years.

- The doorbell video guy.

- The guy--yes.

A year later, Angelina eventually

got with some guy, Luis.

- Yeah.

- And the original side piece found out that Angelina

had a second side piece.

- Right.

- Eventually, Old Bridge called

the husband and was like, "Yo..."

- Oh, [bleep].

- I'm sick and tired of this."

- "Yo, Chris. Your wife is cheating on us."

[laughter]

- You just can't make this [bleep] up.

- Mike is heavily invested in this new drama with Angelina,

but he's always been, like, an instigator type.

Like, he likes to push buttons.

He likes to know.

Like, he is The Investigation.

- They sent me all of the receipts, tons of videos,

very incriminating stuff.

- Bro, if you get one more receipt,

you're going to turn it to my accountant, kid.

- You're going to turn into CVS.

- Why do they all reach out to you?

- I don't know.

- They know that if they tell you he's going to blow it up.

[laughter] - Yeah.

- You can't keep a secret with you.

If you want the world to know something, you tell Mike.

I mean, look, Mike is a [bleep]-stirrer.

He sends all the receipts.

Like, the guy loves to just expose you.

Telling you is like telling everybody, you know?

- Yeah, I don't know.

It's so messy that, like, I feel

that it interferes with, like, my own progress as a person.

- Damn.

Is this the old Sitch or the new Sitch?

- The old me and the new me is beefing about how we're

going to handle the situation.

- Uh, hello?

You already handled the situation.

Getting evidence, sharing with us in group chat.

It's like, the old Sitch is here.

- The old Sitch, he wants to expose you.

You know what I'm saying?

- That was old Sitch voice you just did.

- Yeah, but--but the new Sitch just wants positive

vibes only, and that's it.

- Mike still stirs the pot.

He never stopped stirring the pot.

Now he just tries to put a positive spin on it.

- I don't want to be The Instigation.

But at the end of the day, we're all friends,

and we all know everything about each other.

And she's our friend, and this is really messy.

So I'm, like, stepping back.

- Mike knows everyone's tea.

But to cover his a*s at the end,

he'll put his hands up and be like, "Well,

I don't know anything."

- So I don't know.

You know what I mean?

I'm just-- I'm just the messenger.

- He drops all the information, and he's like, "Allegedly..."

- Yo.

- Allegedly.

Which is like the international sign for like,

"I know everything.

I'm guilty."

"I live a positive life.

You know what I mean? Like..."

- But I don't know.

- Yeah, "But I don't know.

Like, I want everything in my life to be positive."

Boom, here's her kissing another man.

- That's my best man.

He's--what the hell?

- Yeah, we're beefing tonight. - [laughs]

[upbeat music]

- I'm not kiddin' you, JWOWW.

- Pauly, what time is your thing tomorrow?

- My set time is : to : a.m.

- Oh, my God! - What?

- Did Angelinas reach out to anybody?

- [inaudible]

- She reach out, like, why she didn't come?

- Do we have to keep bringing her up?

- [laughs]

[tense music]

- [bleep] it, FaceTime her.

- Yeah.

- Like, why are we still talking about Angelina?

The b*tch ain't showing up.

She wants to talk to us when she wants to talk to us.

You know, it's sad.

It's--you know?

We all are so close.

- We are all best friends, and we know

everything about each other.

Hence, why when the information came to me,

it was too much for me, so I gave it to you.

And now we all have it, because we're all best friends,

and we're all like, uh...

- Yeah, Mike's acting, like not guilty at all

on the Angelina drama.

- Yeah, so I don't know how to deal with this.

I'm hands off right now.

- But in fact, he's the one that's

stirring the pot talking to the boyfriends

and husbands and side pieces.

- We've been lied to for years.

- Just don't lie to me.

- Exactly.

- Mike is telling us apparently Angelina leaked the speech.

Who cares?

- We all understand that that Old Bridge

guy was a real thing.

- I don't care about her personal life.

I just care about the speech.

- But now the girls are at it again,

and I can't survive a whole nother year of this.

- Making our life miserable?

Oh, my poor wedding.

My wedding is so terrible.

You don't think that's crazy?

- He loves it.

- And unfortunately, she decided to sell the speech.

We were at our lowest, and Nicole quit while she

was [bleep] somebody else.

- I can't have a friend that I feel like I can't...

- Trust? - Like, trust.

If someone's, like, going to lie to me about stuff...

- You don't deserve to be in my life.

- I literally cut that person out of my life.

I am hurt by this girl.

Me and her got close.

- I just kind of need a friend at this point.

- I am your friend.

- You're good after everything yesterday.

- Yeah.

- Okay.

- You're my savior.

Ah!

Deena!

Now I'm not supposed to be upset?

- You don't have to explain yourself.

Like, we get it.

- I think I'm more upset that she lied about so much

to me, like, in general.

Like, you could have just been honest with me.

- Yeah.

- But also as friends, she should know

that we're here, and she should be comfortable

with telling us the truth.

- Very true. I agree.

- And she lies constantly with everything.

And now I think she knows that we know everything.

I'm going to be here for you.

Don't lie.

Just be, like, fully--

fully transparent.

And don't say, "I'm not a liar."

It's like, just say, "Listen. I lied."

- I think it is. - "This is what's happening."

- We'll be like, "All right, girl.

Like, own up to your stuff, and I'd be like,

I respect it you for that." - I would respect that.

- I just feel like there's always a victim card

with Angelina,

and she doesn't need to do that anymore with us.

So it's hard to have that trust with her.

- But whatever. Doesn't matter.

[funky music]

- ♪ I done been to hell and back ♪

♪ So I promise it ain't fittin' to go down like that ♪

- For me to not go to El Paso,

I feel like I made the right decision.

But at the same token, like, I don't want

this hanging over my head.

- Hi. How was your day?

- I just feel like all this beef that everybody

has with me, I'm so over it.

I'm so-- I'm so [bleep] drained.

It's, like, if I had to go on a trip,

I'm sure they would understand what my side is.

But I didn't go, so the beef keeps going on.

It makes no sense.

I shouldn't even have to think about this.

Like, I don't want to deal with that [bleep].

But eventually, I'm going to have to.

- Yeah.

- Thank you.

I love you.

- I have a suggestion. - Yeah.

- Hear me out, because I don't want

to keep going back and forth.

I hate seeing you girls at it with each other

and stuff like that.

Vinny's single.

She's single. - Oh, God.

I can't!

I'm saying! [indistinct].

So we may have a reason why Angelina's not here.

I mean, she has a husband, a lot of boyfriends,

or maybe she just doesn't trust herself around Vinny.

And I get that.

- Ready to go line dance?

- We should fight with a stranger tonight.

- We should what? - What?

- This is just, like, a vacation for me.

We haven't been around people.

- Oh, my God.

- So I'm so excited to go out and just, like, do my thing.

- Yeah.

- Vinny, can you bring a girl home?

- I'm not a [bleep] sl*t, guys.

- Yes, you are. - Yes, you are.

- Tonight we're in El Paso.

We're taking over the line dancing

because these girls and Jenni like to line dance.

They're gonna show us how to do it.

- Yeah [inaudible]. Let's go. - Yeah!

all: Line dancing guidos!

- I got money in my pocket ♪

- All right, boys and girls, bye.

- I know for a fact that I'm horrible at line dancing.

- Yeah, I am no good at line dancing.

- I'm not good at line dancing.

- ♪ Three best friends that anybody could have ♪

- Like, this is my vacation.

- ♪ My three best friends ♪

♪ I need to pee in my pants ♪

- Oh, my God, it's happening.

- These tacos right now are fire.

- ♪ But they still calling our name ♪

♪ Yo, yo ♪

♪ Straight from the bottom ♪

- Come on, farm boy.

- We all know Nicole has a country side.

- There's, like, ten Snookis in the crowd.

- Like, this b*tch is, like, born country.

- Whoa!

Whoa! Whoa!

Oh, I think I know this dance!

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- I'm really good at pool, by the way.

- That's not it.

The eight ball goes in the middle.

[laughter]

You're a [bleep]!

[bleep].

[bleep]. - [laughs]

- wh*re!

Damn it!

[bleep].

- Oh, come on.

- You're horrible.

Ah!

- Oh, my God.

- Man, that was so close.

- Ahh! Ha-ha!

- Bam!

Whoo!

That was sexy.

Man!

- Go!

- We should be in a league.

- Hey, excuse me.

How are you doing?

I heard you can find some really amazing tacos in Texas.

Right now, I got a little bit of a rumble in my tummy,

and it's time to search out the local cuisine.

- Stop it.

Right in the back?

All right, thank you so much.

- Certainly.

- There's an unconfirmed rumor that the finest

tacos in the area are actually in El Pase.

Oh, damn.

It's time to put that rumor to test.

Or put that rumor to rest.

Or to put that rumor...

I don't know.

We're going to check it out.

I heard this is the place to get good tacos.

- It is.

- [shouts]

- [bleep], Pauly.

- Where'd Mike go?

- BDS investigates sometimes his roommates.

But today it's going to be tacos.

All right.

I'm putting cases on all you b*tches!

Oh, my God, it looks amazing.

- ♪ The people they way down ♪

♪ They play around, we popping ♪

- Oh, my God.

These tacos right now are fire.

Whoo!

- ♪ To the top we go ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

- Yo, that was good.

I might go inside and get some of my friends

and come out and bring them here.

Pretend like you didn't see me.

All right.

Thank you.

- My man.

- [inaudible] in the building, baby.

- Where'd you go?

- I actually went to the restroom.

- Okay, cool.

- Is anybody maybe hungry?

There actually is a little taco place outside.

I may be a little hungry myself.

Might want to check it out.

- Cool. - Yeah.

Let's do it.

- Yeah, I didn't go out there yet.

- ♪ Let me hear you say ♪

- I heard this place is really good

- Try my drink.

- [gags] - [laughs]

You want to go get a taco?

- Hey, how are you?

Nice to meet you.

How are you? Starving.

- Oh, yeah, I'm hungry.

- Yeah, you didn't eat today.

- I didn't even eat today.

- ♪ Let me hear you say ♪

- All Mike talks about is not eating,

but all I ever see him doing is eating.

Make it make sense.

- Mike finds the best food, man.

- Always.

- Isn't this good? I heard it was really good.

- Go and cheers this taco with me.

- All right, hold on. Hold on. I will cheers.

Listen, this came out of nowhere.

I can't even believe that we just found this.

- Cheers. - We just found this.

[quirky music]

- This is like... - Cheers.

- Salud. - You know?

This is what happens. I stumbled across this.

- Really good.

- We found you. - You want a taco?

- They're right here. Try it.

- That's not bad.

- I stumbled across this place.

♪ ♪

And I was like, let's try it.

It's my first time trying it right now.

- Oh, nice.

- Mike keeps going on and on about how

he's never tasted these tacos.

But yet when Mike told us about them,

he had tacos on his breath.

- Think you might want to check it out?

- Guilty.

- That was amazing.

I can get more.

Like, I only been there once, so I--

I could probably go once more.

- ♪ I'm in my own world ♪

♪ I'm in my universe where I get to be myself ♪

♪ And no one do me dirt ♪

- Come on.

Peanut, come here.

That's a lot of piss, dude.

Did she step in it?

Oh, my God, it smells very potent.

Where's the poop?

The Mississippi River.

This is my life.

[funky music]

♪ I don't waste my time ♪

♪ With these little punk boys ♪

♪ Only got time for the kings of my choice yeah ♪

- Okay, friends.

Let's enjoy El Paso.

Let's go do some line dancing.

- ♪ I was born with it ♪

♪ Yeah yeah ♪

- Oh, I think I know this dance.

- ♪ She walks in the bar looking Hollywood hot ♪

- Boogie, boogie, boogie.

♪ ♪

- We all know Nicole has a country side.

- ♪ But that's inconsequential ♪

- She crushed the dude ranch.

- Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Like, this b*tch is, like, born country.

- Ah!

[screaming]

- Jesus Christ.

- He's mounted.

Come on, farm boy!

- There's, like, ten Snookis in the crowd.

- [indistinct]. - Yeah.

- Like, all Snookis.

- Look at her. She's killin' it.

- They're all, like, five-foot Latina girls.

- Whoo!

- Is everyone having a good time?

- Even the announcer is Snooki.

- [laughs]

- Go, Deena. - Who? Vinny?

- I will--

- Paging Vinny to the dance floor.

- Vinny! - Yeah.

- Paging Vinny to the--

- I'm a stripper, not a line dancer.

[inaudible] - Come on, guys.

It's your time to shine.

- This looks like Nicole in years.

- All right, everybody ready?

- I mean, it's pretty hard to learn line dancing.

- Six, seven, go.

- Especially if you know none of the steps.

Yeah, I don't remember.

But wasted...

I don't remember.

We look like amazing line dancers.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

And nobody could tell we're from Jersey.

- Stomp, stomp, together.

- [inaudible]

- He's really thinking about it.

- You messed up.

You messed up. - Swivel.

Swivel.

One, two, three.

- Yee-haw!

Boogie woogie boogie.

Oh!

Oh, [bleep].

Oh.

- It's like Nicole's dancing with her future self.

- Are you the man?

- Yeah.

- Okay.

- You know this is "Dancing with the Stars"

for only seven weeks.

Hey!

[inaudible].

I'm dying.

I can't do this!

- Oh.

Right now, to be honest with you, I'm totally

not prepared for this.

- Come on, Mike!

Whoo!

Let's go.

- Mike's out there dancing.

- Oh, word?

- Oh, you're trying to twist me?

Why you backing me up like this?

Whoa.

- He's line dancing.

- Go, Mike!

- Is it the old Kanye or the new Kanye?

- Oh!

- No, it was good.

It was good.

- Thank you so much.

- Damn, girl.

- Oh, my God.

Wow!

- Ricky D's was lit.

It was cool to have a little taste

of what El Paso has to offer.

- Oh, how sweet it is!

How sweet it is!

Tomorrow about to be epic.

Like, full-blown moon.

- Make some noise for DJ Pauly D!

- El Paso, who's ready to party?

[cheers and applause]

I love tacos this time of year.

I love Texas this time of year.

I love El Paso this time of year.

- Ah, I don't know what we're doing!

- ♪ C-crazy wild ♪

- Hoo! Hoo! - Hoo? Hoo?

[owl hooting]

[both hooting]

- Oh, my God.

[screams]

[phone rings] - Is that you?

- Whoa, new nose! Who this?

- Why couldn't you come?

- Get off the phone, Mike.

I'm mad at you.

- What--oh.

- Mike definitely, like, put himself in the center

of a lot of this drama.

- Old Situation it is.

- Yeah, buddy!

- It's going to be amazing! [laughter]