05x10 - Best Party Planner Ever

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ MTV ♪

- Enrique! Enrique!

Enrique!

[bleep]. I think he stole my wine.

- There is nothing scarier than a meatball

trying to find a bottle of wine.

- Tonight is the official Independence BDS Party.

- Yeah! [cheers and applause]

- Party for Mike!

Yeah! [cheers and applause]

- It would suck if it rained through your party.

Oh, man, I don't know what I would do.

- Did you try to put the Maloik on me?

- Do what he says and just cancel it.

- This guy's salty, man.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

[bombastic music]

- ♪ Giving a wheel, making a deal ♪

♪ All in your face, how does it feel ♪

♪ I got the pitch, you know the sitch ♪

♪ You got a problem you wanna ditch ♪

- Oh, damn.

- ♪ Taking a crew, planning my moves ♪

♪ I got a storm coming for you ♪

♪ I'm on the way making it rain ♪

♪ You on the boat? Get out my way ♪

- Oh, I can't believe it's still raining.

- What is that? That looks like a monster.

- What? - That blue thing.

- It's a tarp. - Oh.

- How blind are you? - Very.

♪ ♪

- Wow.

The weather is not looking good right now.

But no matter what, this party is going down.

Showtime.

I mean, I have waited eight long years for this.

This is going to be an epic BDS Independence Day.

Like, let's go. It's happening.

[phone rings]

- Oh, that's Mike.

That's the man right now. Man of the hour.

Yo, yo. - Yo, yo.

It is go time, brother.

We're moving forward, rain, sleet, or shine.

It's time to round up the crew...

- Okay.

- And get this show on the road.

- All right, brother. I'm there. Let's do this.

- All right, all right. - Bye.

- All right, it's happening. - Let's do this.

♪ ♪

Everyone, can I have your attention, please?

All gather round for the celebration of the evening.

- Whoo-hoo! - It's raining.

Is there a tsunami? What is happening?

- Everyone, everyone,

I would like to present to all of you...

- Oh, great, so we're gonna stand in the rain.

- The man, he goes by the name of Michael Sorrentino,

aka Mike The Situation.

Come on down, my dude!

- Yeah! all: Whoo!

- Yes, sir.

I just happen to be his godfather.

- Yay.

all: [chanting] Mike!

- I mean, even Pauly is a part of this.

- My dude. all: Mike!

- Come on, bro. Like, this is ridiculous.

- Love you guys. - Yes, sir.

- ♪ Dancing in the rain ♪

- Wait, what are you doing?

- What the [bleep] are you doing?

- Are you doing a dance? - Release the doves.

- Come on, Mike! - Let's go, Mike! Whoo!

- Go, Mike! - Mike!

- You got this!

- Wait, what the [bleep] is he doing?

- What is happening? - I'm off probations.

This is BDS' Independence Day. It's happening.

- Hey!

- Let freedom ring!

all: Whoo!

[patriotic rock music playing]

♪ ♪

- This right here is the feeling of freedom.

This is what life is all about.

I don't think I would have been able

to survive such an ordeal

without the support and love from my family.

♪ ♪

- That was awesome.

Oh, my God, definitely over the top.

- [grunts]

- Whoo!

all: Whoo!

- Good news is, though, nobody caught on fire.

Everyone's good.

[upbeat music]

- Mike always says don't be bitter, be better.

I'm a little bitter right now,

but I'm happy that Mike is better.

- I prepared a couple words.

- Oh, rookie. He has to read it.

- We've gathered here today to celebrate life...

- Is this a wedding?

- As free men and free women.

- I do. - [laughs]

- This is a serious speech, Vin.

- Oh, I'm not serious?

- And now we are living our best life

regardless of the obstacle.

I love you guys to [bleep] death.

- We love you! all: Yeah!

- Come on, come on, come on.

It's an indescribable feeling.

- Love you! - Love you!

- Celebrating my freedom after eight long years.

- Mike, you k*lled that, bro.

- It was lots and lots of hard work,

but I didn't do it alone.

- Whoo! - We've done this together.

This is one of the happiest moments ever in my life.

- The rain knows the best time to fall.

It gave it a nice, little cinematic touch.

Like, a little "Shawshank Redemption."

Or, as I like to say, "Shore-shank Redemption."

- Oh, my God. - Ooh, hurr, hurr, hurr, hurr.

- Guys, you ready to get some food to the beach bar?

- Let's do it.

- Let's go! - Another party.

- The path does not cover you from rain.

- Well, the palm trees are giving a little bit of cover.

- Whoa. Do you see that?

- Oh, my God, it's a dead body. - It's a silkworm.

- Nikki used to fry those up for breakfast.

- I'ma fry them up and feed you with it.

- Well, let's raise our glass to the man of the hour, here.

Man's been through a lot.

- Oh, my God, another [bleep] celebration?

- Well, we know where the salt went.

Mike.

- Another speech for this guy.

I can't believe it. You can't make this [bleep] up.

- Salud. - Salud, guys.

- To Mike. - Love you guys.

- 'Cause I'm not the godfather, we do everything not for me.

Like, we're not having a cheers for me.

all: ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

- [bleep] chooch.

[cheers and applause]

- That was my party.

- Yeah! Whoo! [laughter]

- The Sitch just had jugglers juggling fire,

and you sang me "Happy Birthday."

If not paying your taxes and then going to prison

is the way to get a party, then [bleep].

[bleep] my accountant. [laughs]

- It's never good enough.

- The most miserable night ever.

- It's never good enough. - With no cake.

[thunder booms] - And a tornado coming.

- Yeah, I think we're in an actual tornado.

But thank you, Mike.

I think we're about to die. But I love you.

- Mike's like--we're, like, flying away, and Mike's like,

"We turn our L's into lessons!

"I love you guys!

"The devil whispered in my ear,

"'You can't handle the storm!'

I whispered back..."

- I am the storm. - "'I am the storm.'"

[laughter]

- Somebody throw water on him.

- It's a legit storm. There's a storm.

- Tornado.

- Bro, the palm trees are bending.

- The rain is a sign

of abundance of blessings to comes.

[laughter]

- Cheers to blessings! - Cheers to blessings!

[all cheering]

- So the storm is getting worse and worse,

but I'm just enjoying my wine.

I'm like, eh, it doesn't matter to me.

- You're on probation on paper, but the world doesn't think so.

[thunder booms] [laughter]

Are we calling it?

[all speaking at once]

- Wait, we're not done.

- It's not even raining. We played you.

It's fake rain.

- I can't leave you. [all cheering]

I can't leave you!

Okay, I'm leaving you.

I'm pretty sure we're in the middle of a hurricane,

and we have to run for it and just peace the [bleep] out.

- ♪ Dancing in the rain ♪ - Go.

- Oh, dancing in the rain. - I'm waiting for you. Come on.

- There's too many people for the elevator.

- I don't know.

- Aww, [bleep] that. - Hey!

- Oh, [bleep]! [overlapping shouting]

Oh, [bleep]! [bleep]!

- Ahh!

- Are you scared of rain? - It's all right.

- Oh, my God! - I'm not running.

- Yo, Chris left me in the dust!

- Blowout down! Blowout down!

This is an emergency!

- Oh, my God. I'm soaked.

- No. - Ugh.

- [bleep].

- No way. Not coming out. Blowout down!

- Don't [bleep] do this to me right now.

Don't [bleep] do this to me right now.

- Oh, yeah! We're going on a mansion boat.

I love it this time of year.

[overlapping shouting] - Vinny, stay wasted!

- Sunday Vin Day is in full effect.

- Whoo! - He's still going.

- I'm a tantric practitioner

and sex, love, and intimacy coach.

- Threesome.

- Should we all have an orgy? - [laughs]

- Whoo! - Jersey in the building!

[bombastic music]

- Oh, my God! - Oh, I'm not running.

- No! - I'm soaked.

- No way. Not coming out.

Blowout down!

- I don't want to go to bed.

- ♪ Don't want no short... ♪

both: ♪ d*ck man ♪

- I want a balloon.

- ♪ Don't want, don't want, don't want ♪

- ♪ Don't want ♪ [laughter]

- The meatballs want to turn up.

It's my first night there. I want to have fun.

- Chris has a huge pee pee!

- You got a great d*ck. - Yeah!

- Both Chrises have great dicks!

[laughter]

- I need to get a drink for this, all right?

- Yo, let me come with you. Hold on.

- Ahh!

- Deena!

[upbeat music]

- Oh, my God! [squeak]

- Did you fart?

[laughter]

- It was the pillow.

- Nights like tonight are the reason why

I love hanging out with the roommates,

especially, like, Deena and Nicole.

Like, we're [bleep] drenched, but, like,

it's not gonna stop us from having a good time.

- Cheers. - Cheers to...

- Cheers to... - The Late Nighters.

[all speaking at once] - [bleep].

- Cheers. Cheers. - Yeah!

- [bleep].

- I gotta go to sleep. - Wait, we should have a name.

'Cause they're the Late Nighters.

- The Degenerates.

- I don't like that. - No.

I am not a degenerate.

Degenerates? That doesn't ring a bell with me.

I don't really like that.

We have to find a better name. [laughs]

- It has to be the Dirty Stay Outs.

both: Dirty Stay Outs! - Yes!

The Dirty Stay Outs! I like that.

- Same [bleep] [bleep]. - Dirty Stay Outs.

- You [bleep] idiots. - Dirty Stay Outs.

- Dirty Stay Outs, Degenerates...

[laughter]

- [sighs]

Sucks that it rained on Mike's party.

I'm a little salty that I never got a party

and Mike has gotten like parties.

So I'm not that mad that, you know, it rained.

- What up, my dude? - Sorry about that.

That sucks, you know?

- I don't know if you're aware of this,

but life is all about perception and point of view.

- You might be right. Tonight ended up being amazing.

Congratulations.

- Thank you.

- And don't worry, sun is gonna come out tomorrow.

Great party. Great party, dude.

- Thank you, brother. - Yeah.

- Thank you. Just remember.

You're never gonna be able to rain on the parade

of Big Daddy Sitch.

- It literally just did.

- [shouts] - Make our own club.

- Spank me.

[energetic music]

- They're gonna sleep good tonight.

- I just gotta make sure they don't bang their heads

on sharp corners. [laughter]

- Ahh! - Oh!

- Ow! - Hurry, get out of here.

- Ow, I just hurt my--my--

- What? Are you okay?

What are you guys, [bleep] ? [laughter]

I deem you partner for life.

I love you.

- Let's do our famous-- let's do our famous fight.

Wait, let's do our famous fight,

and you are gonna capture it. - What?

- Oh, you guys are gonna redo the fight?

- Yeah. - I'm being Nicole.

[high-pitched voice] Hold my earrings.

- Okay. Hold my earrings, please.

- Don't [bleep] do this to me right now.

Don't [bleep] do this to me right now.

- Don't do this to me right now.

[grunts] I'm gonna leave.

- Don't [bleep] do this to me right now.

- Hold on, someone move the coffee table, all right?

- [laughs]

[all speaking at once] - Oh, yeah.

- [bleep].

[laughter]

- Oh, yeah! - Get out of here.

[all speaking at once]

- Oh, watch the edges.

- I kind of liked when you had me in a headlock.

- I know, you liked it.

- I was [bleep] [bleep] [bleep].

- I know. - [laughs]

- I think Nicole wins.

- She's being very scrappy.

She's being scrappy.

[both panting]

- I wanted to do that for a long time.

- Okay. - You said that too.

You wanted to reenact it too.

And we finally got to do it. I have to say.

- Good job. - b*tch.

- Have another drink. - We did it.

- Yeah, we did it. - We were so fun, though.

You hurt me, and then I hurt you.

- Yeah, we were, like, rumbling around.

- Yeah, it was nice.

I love the fact that we can, like...

- Yeah. - Feel each other.

- I--obviously.

- You know? - Yeah.

- Remember back in the cab that time?

We were like--

- Stop. - [bleep].

- wh*re.

- We got the ba*ls with the confetti.

- What the [bleep]?

- You can't pop that. No way.

[mellow music]

- Love you, honey.

♪ ♪

- Ahh! I hate balloon pops.

Please stop!

Stop! [shrieks]

[bleep].

Stop, I don't wanna hear it. I don't want to see it.

Stop! Angelina, stop.

Stop! [balloon pops]

[shrieks]

[laughter]

- ♪ I came to play, I came to win ♪

♪ I am that girl, I stun, I spin ♪

♪ ♪

- Ugh.

- Good morning, honeys.

♪ ♪

- Yo, get up, [bleep].

- Why you waking me up like that?

- Because you need to wear a sleep apnea mask.

It's annoying.

- Last night was fun, in the rain.

Felt like I was in a horror movie again.

- [bleep]. - What's up, bro?

- What's up, bro? - Chilling.

- Nikki's gonna get mad. - She knows, bro. She knows.

- I don't know. What are we doing today?

- I have no idea.

- Today's the mansion boat.

- Yes. - I almost forgot about it.

So I have another plan for today.

And a mansion boat is, like, a huge mansion

that's a boat on the water.

So I would love to rent your mansion boat

at some point this week.

- Oh, wow. Yeah, we want that boat.

It'll make up for the dead body thing.

- Oh, my God!

- What was that? - No!

- What was that? - Give him CPR!

- This is fun to you?

- Whatever. All my events are fun.

Everyone knows that was a frigging awesome prank.

But still, they love to complain about Deena events.

Let me text them.

Today, everyone is going to enjoy this plan.

They're gonna be like, "Are you kidding me?"

- Oh, Deena just texted us.

"Hey, guys, I have another little plan for you today.

I'll tell you about it at brunch."

- Oh, great. She's in charge of the festivities again?

- Bro.

- Bro, if there's another dead body in this place,

I'm out of here, bro.

- "Hey, guys, I have another little plan for you today."

- She's gonna tell us at brunch.

- Ooh. - I'll be honest with you.

I hope it's not another m*rder.

- So I'm assuming we're gonna die.

- [bleep].

What is it, another dead body floating in the pool?

- It's day drinking. I know it.

My meatball.

- They're still gonna think something's up.

They're still gonna be like--

- Well, I did get that sex expert.

I feel like it'll be a fun little activity.

- Maybe they'll bring some pictures to show.

- What? You want to see boobs?

[laughs]

- Who doesn't?

- I don't. - All right.

- What if I say maybe he has a p*nis picture.

- They probably-- she probably will have some.

- I won't-- - Soft and erect.

- I won't look.

- That's [bleep].

- Today is going to be a frigging blast.

A blast in a glass.

- Let's meet with everybody. Come on.

- Oh, right now? - Let's go meet--I don't know.

But let's go do it. - No.

Stop.

- I'm gonna kick you in the shin.

- I got him! - [laughs]

- Ugh, let's get up. Get ready.

- Let's go meet up with the fam.

- Come on. You--

- I'm not in your way. You got this whole area.

- Come on. - Let's go.

[upbeat music]

- Oh, my goodness, there's so much salt in the air.

Honey, you ready?

- Yeah.

- Let's sit in the middle.

- Wow, you look hot. - Good morning.

Well, afternoon.

- Oh, my God, look at this spreaders right here.

[indistinct chatter] - 'Cause I'm right behind you.

- Hey, sexy. - Look at those boobies.

- Come on, this is family vacation.

- Good morning.

- Where is Angelina?

- We gotta get going, so she gotta get her a*s out here.

- Hello? - Angelina.

- Hi. - Come on!

Deena has something to tell us, and she won't tell us

till you get here, and I'm dying to know.

- I'm coming out right now. Bye. Bye.

- She's coming now.

- Hi. - Oh.

- Finally. - Finally. You take forever.

- I'm a [bleep] hot mess.

- She is the captain of the hot mess.

- Chris, what up? - I'm a mess.

How the hell are you up right now?

Deena, what's the surprise today?

- Some of you were a little upset

about my prank/m*rder mystery thing.

So we're going on a mansion boat today.

- Mansion boat? - What's that?

- A mansion boat? What is that?

- Like, a yacht?

- It's gonna be like a yacht, but bigger.

It's gonna actually have stilts,

and it doesn't--like, it's like a house.

- Oh, damn. - Really?

- I don't think I've ever seen--

- Staten Island Ferry? Me and Vinnie don't get it.

- We don't get it.

- You take a small boat to the big boat.

- We're taking a boat to the boat?

Taking a boat before the boat?

- That sounds dangerous.

- Do I wear the shirt before the shirt?

What do you wear to the boat before the boat?

And how big is the boat before the boat?

What if I get seasick?

- But it's not a boat? - It's on stilts?

- It is a boat, but it's, like, a house.

- It's a boat, but it's a house on stilts in the water,

but like a mansion.

I honestly don't know what we're going on.

- It's, like, a house in the middle of the water.

- How does it get its mail?

[laughter] - How does it work?

[chatter, laughter]

- We're at a house right here, with a beach and everything.

Why do we have to go to a house in the middle of the ocean?

I don't get it.

- We could be super bougie and, like, just enjoy and relax.

- I like that. - Right?

- Is it a boat? Is it a yacht?

Is it a mansion? Is it all of the above?

- It's a mansion boat! - Yes.

- I'm excited. - I'm excited, D.

- All right. I do have one more other thing.

- Uh-oh.

- So I got a sex expert to come to the mansion

and kind of, like, give some tips.

- I consider myself a sexpert, so maybe this person,

I guess, is considered, like, a colleague.

But I definitely don't need that.

That's for sure.

- Deena got Angelina a sex escort.

- Yep. - [laughs]

- Sex therapist?

Ugh.

Why do I feel like this is, like, all about Chris and I?

Why do I feel like that?

- D, is this sex therapist gonna just counsel...

- The Larangeiras? - The Larangeiras?

- No. - They better-they better--

- Well, we're not really doing counseling anymore.

Since the new move, we decided

that we're just gonna be more private,

so I'm not gonna go into every little detail.

We told you we had sex... - Oh, damn.

- But we're not gonna start going into our past

and being, like... - Oh!

- "Oh, we had problems," and this and that.

You can tell the therapist now it's just gonna be, you know...

We just don't want to rehash that old [bleep].

We decided we're moving forward with our relationship.

- Flip the table. [bleep].

- Chris and Ang do not like the idea of a sex expert.

But it's not, like, just for them.

Honestly, like, I thought it would be such a fun idea

for all of us.

The sex expert isn't just for you guys.

I feel like it could help all of us.

So yeah, let's go get ready.

- All right, cool. - I'm ready to go.

- Yes! Let's go. - Boats and h*s, b*tches.

And I can't wait for a mimoser, or some wine.

It's gonna be a meatball day, and I'm really excited.

So let's go, b*tches.

- Yo, babe, that woman's gonna

come [bleep] gonna go right to us.

You better have a plan right now.

- I'm gonna go off on her. [bleep].

I want to hear every single one of them sex lives,

what they do to each other-- I need details.

Not just have sex, I need details.

- Zack and Jenni, oh, I have to [bleep].

- Every one you, what you do, how many times.

I want to know more about you guys.

You guys never open up about your relationship.

- And then they gonna turn on me.

"Well, your wife tells us everything."

I say a little too much.

- We're not gonna do that.

- They don't want to start with me,

because listen, it's gonna be [bleep],

it's gonna be downright--we're gonna get dirty in this b*tch.

You want to dirty? We'll get dirty.

- ♪ Love me, hate me ♪

♪ But don't drive me crazy ♪

♪ Caution, that's a warning ♪

[indistinct chatter]

♪ I got something ♪

♪ Burning deep within me ♪ - [laughs]

- ♪ Out of my control ♪

- Hey, what's up, man? - How we doing?

- What are you doing? Getting in bed?

- What? No, I'm just chilling.

When I was little, I went to my cousin's house once,

and I woke up in the middle of the night, like, terrified.

I had to sleep between his parents.

[laughter]

- You're such a [bleep] weirdo. - By the way, he was then.

- Yeah, it was last year. - Grown-a*s man.

- I was like, "Oh, this is nice."

- [laughs]

- Before you get on a boat and day drink,

you have to day drink before you get on the boat.

And I really want my wine.

But, like, now it's missing. So do you guys have it?

- Yeah. It just says Enrique picked it up.

- Who the [bleep] is Enrique?

Enrique stole my wine.

[rolls tongue] Enrique!

Where's my wine, b*tch?

Enrique? Enrique? Enrique!

Where's my wine?

[upbeat music]

- I'm so excited for today.

I hope everybody has a good time.

- Have you ever heard of a mansion on a boat?

- I have no idea what this is.

- Enrique? My wine has to be somewhere.

Enrique? Who works here?

Are you Enrique? - No.

- Bro, what are we doing, though?

We're going on a mansion in the water?

So yeah, another Deena activity.

Isn't that just a mansion?

- We're gonna be bougie and have a great time.

Everybody.

- You ready to go? - In two seconds.

- [laughs]

Oh, my God.

- Enrique! Where's my wine?

You're not Enrique. - No.

- Do you know who Enrique is?

- All you do is hang out [bleep].

- I'll try to eavesdrop over there.

- Yeah. - 'Cause they were--

actually, they weren't really fighting.

That's how they talk. They yell at each other.

- Yeah. - And he's like,

"We're not talking about our life."

- Waiting and waiting and waiting.

- I don't think it's meant to be a bad thing.

- It's an activity. - Yeah.

- ♪ Break it down, break it down, just like that ♪

- Hello? - Yo, Dirty Stay Outs.

- Dirty Stay Outs. - Vodkers.

- Dirty Stay Outs. - You're a Dirty Stay Out too?

- Yeah, we stayed out till like :.

- Put [bleep] deodorant on. - Huh?

- Eww. - I'm going to [bleep].

Be right back.

- Kick, kick, kicking it on Snooki's porch.

- I'm sweating right now. Sweating.

- Where's Angelina? - Where did--yeah.

Where did Angelina-- didn't you walk up with her?

- She had to put on deodorant.

- That's what we call it now? Deodorant?

- [laughs]

- It's not gonna go. - Why can't you just do it?

- Because I don't have a third hand.

- Nobody has a third hand.

Sex therapist for just us?

- [bleep].

- Come on. - That's it.

That's what I'm trying to tell you.

- It's loose.

- If somebody holds it-- - It's loose as [bleep].

[sighs] My God.

- Hey, Angeliner! We're leaving!

- What the [bleep]?

- Feel like I'm on a vacation with this drink.

Angeliner and Chris, we're leaving!

- Like, let's go. - All right, we're ready to go.

- Who's ready for a boat mansion?

boys: Jersey Shore Family Vacation!

girls: International waters!

- I'm off probation!

- We're going on the boat! Whoo-hoo!

[all speaking at once] - Boats in boats!

- You guys are gonna love this thing.

It is super bougie.

- Thank you, D. - There's a chef on board.

all: Ooh!

- Now, you're talking. - You're gonna love it.

[laughter]

- Vinny. - Yo.

- You know what? I'm gonna [bleep] throw you in the water.

- Yeah. - I'm just--

Vinny's always salty about everything.

- Everybody wants Vinny in the water, raise your hand.

all: Yeah!

- Chris and Angelina had sex!

all: Whoo!

- "We're not talking about that, guys."

- Boo!

- ♪ Her friends are hating, of course they are ♪

- ♪ Her friends are waiting, they pull up the car ♪

- Who's ready? - I'm ready.

Let's go on the [bleep] half boat.

- Whoo-hoo!

- Oh, yeah, Mike's boat party here!

- Whoo-hoo! - Where's my boat?

- Where is it?

- That's the boat? - Yeah.

- Thought it was bigger than that.

- What the hell?

I don't know what I'm looking at.

- What is that? - What is going on?

- That's a mansion boat?

- That's it? - What the hell?

- Oh, my [bleep] God, this cannot be real.

- What the hell is this? - I love boats.

- I like big boats.

[dance music]

♪ ♪

- Whoo-hoo! - Where's my boat?

- That's the boat?

- No, you have to take a little boat to get to the bigger boat.

All right, who's coming on with us?

- All right, I'm jumping on in the back.

- Look at all the fish.

- I'm scared. Ahh!

♪ ♪

- Oh, my God. Oh, God, we're gonna die.

- Seriously.

- Why are we sinking on the left?

- Because we're turning. - Because Zack's on the left.

- There's pounds on the left.

- See you on the flip side.

- Bye, b*tches.

- This how you got from Chile?

[laughter]

- b*tch. - [laughs]

- You're in the same boat as me, b*tch.

We escaped together.

- We're about to be on a [bleep] mansion boat.

- Is that really a house on the--on the boat?

- Yes! - Oh, my--

That is gorgeous. [all speaking at once]

- Mansion! - Yeah!

- Welcome to the mansion boat, b*tches!

all: Whoo! - Yeah!

- [bleep] huge boat.

And it's pretty. And it's got glass windows.

It's literally like we're in a mansion, which I like.

- I'm getting [bleep]. - Oh, yeah!

We're going on the mansion boat!

I love it this time of year.

- We're rich today. - We are rich.

It is even more beautiful than pictures.

Like, this is bougie.

- Lauren, you're gonna love this thing.

This is, like, super bougie.

- "All right, Lauren, you're gonna like this boat,

'cause it's bougie."

Ooh, okay.

Deena and Lauren, not getting along this trip.

- Today was--

- Well, maybe 'cause people won't push it.

- I'm not pushing it because I brought people

to take care of him, that's why.

Kay? So, like, please.

- I'm not pushing it on you.

- I know, but the way you said it, I didn't like it.

- That was the best prank I've ever actually seen in my life.

- I don't know, I wouldn't say that.

- Shots fired!

- That was [bleep].

- Okay, well, whatever.

- I love other people's drama.

There, I said it.

- Lauren, this is, like, super bougie.

Right up your alley.

- Like, what?

- Look at her. She gets so ticked off.

- This is bougie.

Like, because you-- we even say we're bougie.

- Yes. We're bougie.

- Welcome to the mansion, everybody.

all: Yeah!

- ♪ You ain't never been this hot, you so regular ♪

♪ Brunch in Milan, life is spectacular ♪

- Whoo-hoo! - This is fancy.

- ♪ And when we see you in the streets ♪

- Freaking submarine.

Then you walk in, a beautiful kitchen,

a bartender with the wines, a nice living room.

- There's a couch on it. - It's a house, b*tch.

- It really is a mansion.

- This is, like, for, like, Tom Cruise and [bleep].

Like, Leonardo DiCaprio lives up in this b*tch.

Like, I should not be on here.

I'm a little too ratchet for it.

all: Cheers!

- To our boat mansion. - Yes. Whoo!

- Boats and h*s. - Boats and h*s.

- Ooh, look at this. - Ooh.

- Want me to make you a plate of this?

- I'll take a moozadell.

- Good foods is a sign of any good situation.

You could just smell the finest of the land being cooked up

by a special chef.

We'll share it together. Little hummus.

- Little bit of pretzels. - Little bit of moozadell.

- Whoo! - Vinny's getting wasted!

all: Whoo!

- Yeah, Vinny!

[energetic music]

- Wow, baby.

- This is so...

♪ ♪

- Yes, queen! - This is awesome.

- The bad weather's coming through for the tsunami.

The tsunami coming.

- Listen, Nicole, there was just an earthquake.

So right now, the water-- guys, the waves.

Do the waves.

When the beat drops, there's gonna be a tsunami.

[shouts indistinctly]

Tsunami!

[girls scream] - Oh!

- It's a tsunami!

It's a tsunami!

- [shouting] - It's a tsunami!

♪ ♪

- Look at Mike.

- It's a tsunami! - He's still going.

- Vinny doesn't want to drink a lot of times,

but he's such a good time when he drinks.

- Whoo!

- Unfortunately, like, I'm a good time when I drink,

and I hate it, because, like,

it's the only time that I get that much attention.

- Party for Vinny!

[seagull chirps]

- [laughs] - We'll pass.

- Aww.

- Sunday Vin Day is in full effect.

- The dance is [indistinct].

[laughs]

- The meatballs are battling. The meatballs are battling.

[gritty electronic music]

♪ ♪

- Deena definitely planned the meatball dance,

and I didn't know,

because she has a full [bleep] routine, and I'm like, b*tch.

♪ ♪

- I feel like I'm back in .

I had to do the Jersey Turnpike.

- Oh, it's when I put my hands on the floor

and I shake my butt.

♪ ♪

[laughter]

- Let's go, b*tches.

♪ ♪

- ♪ I'm going harder than I ever went ♪

- Whoa!

Whoa! - Let's go!

- Out of left field, you got Nicole.

"Yeah, you want this?

All right, let me show you how it's done."

Just [bleep] ripping that kid.

all: Oh!

- Oh!

I thought I had the best worm ever.

But Nicole, like a true competitor,

can apparently do the reverse worm.

I gotta step my game up.

I swore to myself my kooka would never come out dancing,

and it came out again, so it's just like old times.

- Last time I seen Snook's kooka, I was at Karma.

[laughs]

- You can take this crew out of Jersey,

but you can't take the Jersey out of this crew.

all: Beat that beat up.

Beat that beat up.

Beat that beat up.

Beat that beat up.

Beat that beat up.

Beat that beat up.

- I just hope everybody's having a good [bleep] time!

- Yeah, Deena! - Whoo!

- I'm the best party planner ever!

[cheers and applause]

- So what qualifies you to be a sex expert?

- Chris seems super annoyed, and now I'm scared.

- What does the BS stand for on your shirt?

- Oh.

- ♪ Feeling good, feeling great ♪

♪ All around the world ♪

♪ No sweat, what they say in the USA? ♪

- Happy birthday, Vinny!

both: Happy birthday, Vinny!

all: Vinny! Vinny! Vinny!

- What the [bleep] is he doing, though?

- [cheers] - [laughs]

- This is some crazy shore house we're in right now.

- Yeah. - Yeah, it's amazing.

I think we should cheers to MV Keys, you feel me?

both: MV Keys.

- MV Keys, boys. - MV Keys.

- MV Keys! - Love you guys.

- Yeah, buddy. Love you too. - N-VP.

- No, just a girl--guy thing. - Oh, here we go.

- Wait, wait, what is it then, if its MVP and N?

- MV Peeing. MV Peeing. Yo, we're MV Peeing.

- Yo, we MV Peeing right now. - Yo, we MV Peeing right now!

[all speaking at once]

- We MV Peeing. We MV Peeing. We MV Peeing right now.

- Yo, what you doing? - We MV Peeing in the keys.

- Oh, [bleep]. - We MV Peeing in the Keys.

- MV Peeing.

- What we doing in the Keys?

- MV Peeing in the Keys. - MV Peeing in the Keys.

- I'm being in the Keys. - Hey!

- I'm skiing in the Keys. - Hey!

- I'm--my name is Ian in the Keys.

- Aww, he's lit. - I'm Caribbean in the Keys.

- [laughs]

- ♪ I came to party ♪

♪ I do shots of Patron ♪

♪ They will help you feel loose ♪

♪ You can't get... ♪

- [indistinct].

And Red Bull.

- ♪ Take you home, I would really love to ♪

- Yo, my t*ts and a*s are sweating so bad right now.

- But I don't even see anything.

You look great.

- I'm gonna get my t*ts done again.

- When are you going? - I have to do another lift,

because after Angela, with breast feeding,

they were like this, like, all the time, and now--

- Can you still do this?

- I could never do that. - No?

- Can you do that?

- [grunting loudly] - [laughs]

- [grunts] [bleep].

- Okay, we clearly can't do it.

Is our muscles not connected to our t*tties or something?

- Wait, watch when I flex, though.

[both scream and laugh]

- They're like torpedoes. - Wait.

- They're like torpe--

[laughter]

Let's find Angelina's muscles. - Yeah.

- I don't know, man. I feel like I don't have it.

- Deener.

I'm so impressed by you, Deena. This whole trip.

- Oh, thank you. I was like,

"Oh, great, they're mad at me." - No.

- I was like, "I'll make it up to them with this."

- I was not mad at you at all. I was like--

- That's just who I am.

- I'm the same way, so I get it.

I don't take it personally because I have my own episodes.

- I'm like, "Listen." - [laughs]

- But that means I'm comfortable with you if feel...

- Yeah. - Like I could, like, be like--

- But I also-- - "Listen, b*tch."

- Exactly. - "I'm annoyed."

- But I'm, like, the most direct person ever,

so I respect that more. - Yeah.

- Like, I'd rather you be like, "b*tch, what the [bleep]?"

- Mm-hmm. - Than, like,

tell ten other people in a chat

and get it to me ten months later.

- Yeah, no, I'm direct. - I'd rather know upfront.

I'm that friend that's gonna tell you, like, what it is.

And I respect when it's given back to me as well.

That's the best way to be.

- Yeah. - Direct.

But it makes other people uncomfortable.

- It does.

- 'Cause I deal with that my whole life.

People think I'm a b*tch, but I'm just direct.

- Yeah. Me and Lauren,

we're getting the negativity behind us.

[bleep] happens. People say things they don't mean.

and I'm just happy to move on.

I'm like, I yelled at Lauren,

and I'm like, "She'll get over it."

- Yeah. [laughs]

It's being a Capricorn.

- Yes, I forgot you are a Capricorn.

We're both Capricorns.

If I feel like I'm annoyed, I'll be like...

- "I'm annoyed." - "I'm [bleep] annoyed."

You'll know.

- Oh, I know. - Ready?

- Wait, hold on, let me [bleep] pick up my t*ts.

Hold on. [grunts]

- Kim Kardashian of Staten Island.

- Oh, [bleep]. [all speaking at once]

- We're doing titty stuff. - Can I come?

- Come on! - Get out of here.

- Oh, is this inappropriate if I'm here?

- No. - No.

- We're just flexing our titty muscles.

- Yeah. - Oh, cool.

- I cut so many people out of my life that felt--

made me feel like [bleep].

I just grew as a person.

So now I'm like, I'm just gonna say what I feel.

- Yep. - "You're annoying me."

- Yep. - [laughs]

Oh, God, Vinny's in the girl talk.

- I know. Always.

- Let's go add to the girl talk.

- He's the queen of the girl talk.

- Oh, I can do that. Look.

- Well, yeah, you're a man. - All right. All right.

All right. All right. All right. All right.

- Yeah, we're doing the same thing.

Well, she got bigger ones.

- Well, she's got t*ts. - Yeah. "She's got t*ts."

- I can't do it, though. - Try.

- [laughs]

All right, I suck. I already know this, guys.

- Wait, wait, I want to be in the girl talk.

- Come on, girls. - I don't think you do.

- I don't have fake boobies. Can I flex them?

- Let's all twerk our t*tties. - Lauren. Lauren, you can.

- Watch. Ready?

- I can do it too. - Oh, wow.

[laughter] - She did it! She did it!

- Guys, let's all do left-right.

- Left, right, side-to-side.

Left, right, side-to-side.

- Oh, my-- [laughter]

- I'm gonna faint.

- ♪ I've been feeling myself in the club ♪

♪ Since I'm ripped, twisted out my mind ♪

- I'm gonna sit your a*s [bleep].

♪ ♪

- Ooh.

- Smells amazing. - Ooh.

- A nice tots plate too in the kitchen.

- I heard you.

- After this, I'm switching to red.

- Deener. Deena clocked in today.

- Can I have that? Can I have that?

- I didn't realize Chris would be so annoyed about it.

- What is he annoyed with it? What--there's anybody that--

- He doesn't want to be single now, he told me.

He said he's okay if she [bleep] somebody,

but if it's just them two.

- There's no instigation on this trip.

Only observation.

- When I heard about it at first,

I thought it had nothing to do with me.

Then when I found out the whole trip was about me,

I'm like, what the [bleep]?

- Oh. - Like the sex therapist.

- Yeah, that's why--no, if she's gonna come at me...

- You gotta shut it down really quick.

- I'm telling you, I'm gonna come at her.

- Yeah, but Chris, you don't know half this [bleep].

- For the therapist chick, she better not [bleep].

- Remember [bleep]? "E.T. phone home"?

- You got problems.

I'm not saying we're not gonna talk at all,

but we're gonna be a little less--

- I mean, but--but-- - A little less open.

- Chris doesn't want his business

out there on the streets,

but he will not stop talking about it.

- Making like we're gonna be [bleep] [bleep].

- Just make it like you had problems, and now, like,

"Oh, like, we're--" - Working on it.

- "We're together. Ooh, with the Kama Sutra."

Angelina and Chris are very defensive right now

that there's a sex expert coming.

And we've been talking about

how you guys haven't had sex for two years.

I can see why Angelina's a little bit defensive here.

- I got a question.

Do you think your wife's gonna do this forever?

- I want my girl to be a dirty, nasty sl*t...

For me. - Just for you.

- Not for , guys. - That doesn't make it--

I know what he's trying to say. - Yeah.

- You're gonna [bleep] now

and tell me you have sexual chemistry

with every [bleep] you bang?

[bleep].

- No, he didn't say that.

- I'm saying the opposite of that.

I'm saying when you find your person--

- He's saying there's nothing wrong with a woman

being dirty for one guy.

- Okay. - Yeah, that's your person.

- Okay, but-- but she's not gonna do that.

- That's what you're supposed to do.

And he's supposed to do the same thing.

- What the [bleep]--

- You're supposed to sl*t each other out!

- [bleep] to the girl, then.

- [bleep] [bleep] that b*tch out!

- Ahh!

- And then you cuddle and watch [bleep] Disney+!

- Sorry, I don't know him. [laughter]

- Hi, Justin. I'm Deena.

- Deena. Pleasure to meet you. - So nice meeting you.

Wow, this is like a couples' retreat.

- [laughs] Thank you so much.

- It went from party mode to sex therapist.

But I like it, 'cause it's, like, super cozy.

He has candles. He has the pillows.

It's so spiritual. There's incense. It's cool.

Wow. I was expecting not this.

But this is really awesome.

- This will be a tantric experience.

- Can we drink while we're doing this?

- Uh, normally, I wouldn't say so,

but if you guys are really--

- We're there. - Yeah, you're there.

- All right, I'm gonna go get my friends.

- Thanks, Deena. - I like it.

[indistinct chatter]

All right, guys! It's happening!

Grab your [bleep]. It's gonna be good.

And why do you have a scarf on?

- Did you see Nikki's butt? - Yes, I did.

- Holy frack.

- Do you smell that?

Have a drink, right?

- Welcome, everybody,

to your love and intimacy tantra workshop.

- This is real life? - What the hell?

- It's a guy. - Come on in.

Take a seat. Get comfortable.

[pensive music]

♪ ♪

- [laughs]

- Hi. How are you?

- All signs point to a mass orgy.

And then everyone drinks this vial of stuff

and never wakes up.

Like, this is what I'm visioning.

- Threesome.

- More like orgy. - Orgies.

Should we all have an orgy?

[laughter] - What the hell?

- My name is Justin Gottlieb. I'm a tantric practitioner.

- Tantra is a club, and we used to go to Tantra

I believe on Monday nights in Miami.

- Funny enough, I grew up in East Brunswick, New Jersey.

- Hey. - Yeah, Jersey!

- I don't know if I'm gonna be able to take you serious, bro.

What experts have come out of New Jersey,

is what I want to know?

- So we're gonna do some exercises today,

where we're gonna learn about ourselves,

we're gonna learn about love,

we're gonna learn about intimacy,

and we're gonna learn ways that we can move energy

in our bodies that'll help us drop more into pleasure,

drop more into our hearts.

- I don't really know if I need a sex therapist anymore.

We did it, but it was like, [bleep] one-minute man thing.

But anyway, besides the point.

- What qualifies you to be a sex expert?

- I've worked with a lot of different experts on it.

I've worked with over , clients

doing tantra massage.

So I've seen where individuals have blockages,

where they're not feeling intimacy,

where relationships are falling apart.

- Chris seems super annoyed, and now I'm scared.

I'm like, oh, maybe--maybe I shouldn't have done this.

Oy vey.

- What does the BS stand for on your shirt?

- Oh.

- Oh, [bleep], this is really, really tense right now.

♪ ♪

both: Welcome to the Meatball Show!

- Step aside, Oprah, 'cause the meatballs--

- Get out of the way, b*tch!

I hope everybody had a [bleep] good time tonight.

- I'm swimming.

- You guys are a [bleep] mess right now.

- Go out with a bang. For sure.

- Whoo! - Yes!

- Pauly left us a note, honey.

- Hey, Mike, I booked a lie detector.

He's on the way. Come up.

- This is dumb. - Yeah, what the [bleep]?

- All right. First question. - What in the world?

- Oh, damn!

all: Oh!

- This is the best day of my life.

- We got a situation.

- I need a piña colada.