05x08 - Deena's Revenge

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ MTV ♪

- Make sure you guys all have your passports.

We are going into international waters.

- Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Florida Keys,

your final destination.

- Florida? - Florida?

- It seems I've made a slight oversight with the planning.

Your bag will be here by tomorrow for lunch.

- Lunch? - This is my bocce ball set.

Yeah, a very sentimental set.

- What? You brought that on the plane?

I don't even got a toothbrush.

We had sex.

[all shouting]

- I'm not a virgin anymore.

- I'm gonna fall asleep.

- Please. - Mic's malfunctioning.

- We have a [bleep] five-month-old to deal with.

Okay? hours a day human.

So we have to go to bed.

- They brought people to take care of him. Okay?

So like, please.

- I'm not pushing that on you.

- I know, but the way you said it, I didn't like it.

- Everybody's tired. That's it.

- I think we're all tired. - Everyone's tired.

Yell at me. I don't care. Everybody yell at me.

- ♪ Get crazy, get wild ♪

♪ Let's party, get loud ♪ - Yeah, buddy!

- ♪ If you wanna have fun, then do something ♪

- Party's here!

- The Situation is under construction.

- We're so classy now.

- On the seventh day, it'll be lit.

- Get the frig out of here, you crazy!

- Um, hello?

- ♪ If you wanna have fun, then do something crazy ♪

[dramatic music]

- Wait, guys.

Guys. Guys. - Stop, stop, stop, stop.

Stop. Stop. - No, no.

What is in there? No.

- No. No. No. No.

- Call security. - Oh, my God.

- What? - Oh, my--

- Holy [bleep].

What the [bleep] is that?

- Oh, my God.

[tape whirs]

- ♪ Please tell me what you mad for ♪

♪ Please tell me why you trippin' ♪

- Everybody's tired. That's it.

- I think we're all tired, guys.

Let's just-- let's just--

- Yell at me, I don't care.

Everybody yell at me. I can take it.

- I'm surprised.

- I love you guys. Let's go to bed.

- Let's go to bed.

- Beautiful weather, right? Beautiful.

- This place is dope, right? - Yeah. I love it.

- Good night, love you. - Love you too.

[indistinct chatter]

- Have a good night. - Guys, goodnight.

- Stay right here. Right here.

I have to give you some shirts.

I have a choice large boxer brief.

- Wow.

- And hold up. Hold up.

Don't be a chooch. - That's the best one.

- All right, thank you. - All right, goodnight.

Goodnight, guys. - All right, peace.

- Oh, my God, honey. I am exhausted.

- Same. - It was an amazing first day.

- I gotta go see the baby.

- My wife has no clue

that I have one more surprise planned for our anniversary.

It's on. It is game time, baby.

I'm going to bed. I'm very tired.

- Why do I always get the [bleep] end

of the stick, [bleep].

- I don't know. - I didn't ask for this.

I literally packed my [bleep] all night

and now it's missing.

Great.

- It better come tomorrow early.

- Honey?

I have a little surprise for you, honey.

- [coughs] I was with the baby.

[music winds down]

The [bleep]?

- Honey, I have a little surprise for you for our...

- What are you wearing? - Third year anniversary.

- Oh, my God.

Oh, no, no, no.

- First year of marriage, okay, is paper.

Second year of marriage is cotton,

and the third is leather, okay?

- Honey--

- And I know that we have never gotten down like this.

And I figured... - [laughs]

That's very thoughtful of him, but at the same time,

I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Please take this off. - Aw. Oh, fine, fine, fine.

- Please take it off.

- I tried. - You did try.

- I'll do anything for you. - I know you would.

- You know that, and our family.

- I know you will.

- I will do anything for my wife.

Okay? And you gotta keep things fresh, guys.

I feel like I get an A for effort.

Don't try it again? - No.

- Okay, fine. - Never.

- ♪ Yeah, we've been rising, we've been grinding ♪

♪ On the low, here we come ♪

♪ If you ready for the trauma, let me know ♪

♪ Here we come ♪

- How many sneakers should I bring for this trip?

Babe, hurry up. We gotta leave soon.

For this vacation, everybody got their families.

Their in-laws.

I'm about to have my main and my side piece on vacation.

Nikki and I are sharing a room with Vinny

because Vinny cannot be left alone.

I'm gonna need another suitcase.

Another romantic vacation with the three of us.

Babe, you almost ready?

Come on.

I love vacations this time of year.

[mellow music]

♪ ♪

- [sighs]

Morning. - Good morning.

You're on a decorative pillow.

People [...] on these things.

- Ew, Christopher.

Why? Have you? [both laugh]

- ♪ Baddest [...], I ain't even gotta talk about it ♪

♪ Only time you hear me when I'm spittin' on the track ♪

- Good morning, babe.

- Good morning, honeys. - I think I had a nightmare.

[whip cracks]

- My God. That was probably BDSM.

- No! [laughs] - Goodness.

- Let's not make that a thing, please.

- I stink.

- I know.

- Waking up today in international waters.

It's gorgeous. It's beautiful.

Beautiful view. Dirty clothes.

[downtrodden trumpet]

Because Mike, numbnuts over there,

brought seven luggages.

- I'm good. I'll just do this confessional.

Come back and get my stuff. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Angelina is calling.

Oh, my God. Angelina is calling.

- What? - Mike?

- Yeah.

- Where you at? Where's my [bleep]?

- Oh, damn.

- Yo. You had a whole luggage just filled with your shoes.

- But I'm having a good morning, babe.

- I am [bleep] walking the walk of shame in my own bedroom.

- We're in a TBD situation. It just is what it is.

- Get my [bleep] luggage.

- All right, I'll see you in a little bit.

- Oh, you made a mess. - Come on.

- Oh, God.

[quirky music]

♪ ♪

[line ringing] - Guido.

- Yo, where you at?

- I just landed in some place called Key West.

- Sick, bro. I [bleep] need you, man.

I've been Deena and Chris's third wheel.

- You're a professional third wheeler at this point.

- Yeah. We had a threesome last night.

It wasn't the same. [laughs]

- Oh, that's good.

- Probably should see you in like minutes.

- Yeah. I'll see you then.

- All right. Bye, island boy.

♪ ♪

- Yeah, I was looking into stuff before I got here.

Like different things we can do.

And like, you know, like how--

remember at our Halloween party,

we were talking about doing a m*rder mystery?

'Cause I like, love that [bleep].

- You think everyone else will like it?

- They complain about everything.

- Yeah. You're right. You're right.

- So, I don't give a [bleep].

- You think of nice, wholesome ideas.

- Yeah.

- Then they just [bleep] on them.

- Just like that.

Everybody hated my boat idea, but guess what?

Everybody had a good freaking time with my boat idea.

- Got some materials for you to make a boat outta.

- Can we drown ourselves? - [laughs]

all: Sidepiece! Sidepiece! Sidepiece! Sidepiece!

- And then you know what else everybody hated?

My ghost tour.

Who's ready for a ghost tour, b*tches?

Cool. Nobody's ready. Guess what?

Everybody freaking had a good time.

- Then you have other ghosts here

as well as children ghosts.

- I ain't about that ghost life.

- Activities are something we should always do.

It brings us closer together.

- Deena of course sent us all matching PJs.

- [gasps] Oh, yay, everyone.

I wasn't sure if everybody was--oh.

- We're supposed to be in the pajamas that Deena sent.

- If we do do it, we don't tell them we're doing it.

- Yeah, let them kind of figure it out while it's happening.

- I'll Google.

Instead of doing like a normal m*rder mystery

where everybody's in on it,

I kind of wanna trick the roommates,

and then all of a sudden I'll be like,

it's a m*rder mystery.

- Hi. I was wondering if you were available

to do a possible m*rder mystery tonight?

- What kind of a scenario are we looking at?

- We want them to be scared.

So it's kind of gonna be like a prank,

but also like a really fun event.

- Do you want it to be like a m*rder?

They witness it.

We mess with them as if it's real

and kind of get them answering questions

as a detective followed by... - [softly] That's great.

- Then they realize it's a m*rder mystery.

And we then play that as a game.

- That would be good. - We're by water.

We're by a pool.

So I don't know if maybe there's a way

you could kind of work that in there.

- Maybe on the way to your dinner,

you find a dead body in the pool.

- Oh, wow. That is an ambush.

- Mm. I like it. I love it.

- I think this might be

one of my favorite events I ever planned.

- Text me at this number

with the specific location, time, and all that.

- Yeah. For sure. - And we'll make this happen.

- All right. That sounds amazing.

- This is gonna prank everyone.

I think everyone's gonna be so surprised.

- All right. - Looking forward to it.

- We are looking forward to it too.

This is gonna be awesome.

- Thanks so much. - Thank you.

- They're gonna be like, oh, [bleep].

- We just saw a m*rder.

- It's gonna be [bleep] great. It's gonna be like a fun night,

but also I become the prank w*r champion.

Prank w*r champion.

Take it, Pauly. I'm coming for you.

- You're gonna leave me.

- I didn't see it. [laughs]

- That was so awkward and terrible.

Oh, my God.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- [sniffs]

- ♪ Yeah ♪

- Lauren brought all her friggin' designer clothes

and I don't even have a pair of underwear to put on.

- Everybody else this happened to will be flipping out.

- Yeah.

- ♪ All loud in the neighborhood ♪

- Oh, I'm texting them right now.

- ♪ Turn up the bass 'cause it feel good ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

- Oh, my God.

- What are you doing? Are you in the circus?

- He doesn't even know what he's doing.

Is that breakfast?

- Oh, man.

Sorry, I was burning all those calories.

- What's up, guys? How are you? Good morning.

- Good morning. - What did I miss last night?

- Angelina and Chris had sex.

- Wow. So they're on the up and up.

- Mm-hmm. - Looks like it.

- Everything's peaches now.

- [bleep] my life. Just texted them.

They're not [bleep] answering me

and I'm getting [bleep] even more pissed off.

- I assume they're still in their same clothes.

- Stuff still didn't come? - No.

- I went to see if I had things for her,

but I only have like new stuff that I kind of want back.

And I don't wanna...

[laughter]

- I'm like--like,

someone's gotta give me [bleep] underwear, okay?

- If it doesn't come, I'm leaving. I don't care.

I'm getting [bleep] right now. You can stay here.

I don't care. - I'm gonna have a breakdown.

I'm gonna have a [bleep] breakdown.

- I'll be honest. I didn't know that Angelina and Chris

were gonna make it to that stage

where they sort of rekindled that romance.

- Because they broke that seal. - That's what we said.

- Get up.

We gotta go to--I gotta go to the store.

- ♪ Go ♪ - Come on!

- I don't care. Don't give a [bleep].

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

- They're like chill.

- Guys, come on. I'm not [bleep] doing this!

- Stop. - No!

- I'm relieved for them

because I wasn't sure how they were gonna arrive here.

- Uh-huh.

- And I feel like they're a little calmer.

- I'm not wearing the same clothes all day.

- They're not bickering. Like-- - Yeah.

- Yeah. All that built-up tension

is--may have been released.

- They're playing [bleep] games with me.

- I swear to God, I don't give a [bleep].

- Hey, guys! I'm here!

- Oh, my God. He brought the megaphone to the Keys.

- Oh, Vinny.

- What's up, babe?

- Guys. Guys. - Stop, stop.

- No, no, what is in there? Do you see it?

- Oh, [bleep]. - I'm not [bleep] joking.

- Somebody straight up got m*rder*d.

- I need underwear!

I'm not wearing the same clothes all day.

I wanna go home.

Why don't you wear the [bleep] same underwear today

and tomorrow, see how you feel.

- Is Angelina and Chris coming out?

- I called her this morning at nine...

- Well, that's when...

- To give her stuff and she just didn't pick up.

- I kind of feel bad for Angelina

because the reason why she couldn't get her bags

on the plane is because Mike brought seven suitcases.

But also chaos just follows Angelina.

You can't write this [bleep].

- Frank,

there's a Walgreens . miles away, Frank.

I'm [bleep] pissed off.

I'm so mad at you, Michael and Lauren.

- Yeah, I can't wait to see Pauly.

I love his energy. It's so positive and--

- Just like Angelina.

- [laughs] It's quite the opposite.

It's quite the opposite.

- I got tiddy sweat.

They probably have disposable underwear at [bleep] Walgreens.

There's probably [bleep] leggings at Walgreens, Frank.

- Oh, wait, this is Ang. Hold on.

[laughter] [phone ringing]

- Hey. - Hey.

I just had a [bleep] nervous breakdown.

Like, this is-- this is getting--

this is ridiculous now.

There's a Walgreens [bleep] five minutes away.

- I have no idea why Angeliner is so upset.

I'm missing two out of the seven of my bags.

Do you see me flipping out? No.

- Ang, what you need is a bathing suit.

I have a bathing suit. Meet me in my room

and then we will have some drinks, relax...

- All right, cool.

- By the time we're done doing that,

your bags will be here for tonight.

- You need shorts? Oh, yeah.

He definitely needs shorts. He's got nothing.

- Do you have a bathing suit for Chris or shorts?

- I have an outfit just for him. Yeah.

- Okay. - All right. Bye.

- All right, bye.

It seems like a lot of times I'm able to put out

Angelina fires.

Calm down. Come here. - Thank you.

- Come here and loosen up. Okay.

- You're my savior.

- You're gonna need a pair of shorts.

- I have a bathing suit.

- Another pair of socks.

- I have some stuff.

- I hate living like this. I hate to be a pain for you.

- No, no. I got the perfect outfit for you.

- Oh, God.

- I know you and the wife have been

really starting to get it in.

- Come on, man. - There's no a*s.

The leather did not work for Mr. and Mrs. Situation,

but for the Larangeiras, now that is another story.

- Appreciate it. Definitely. Thank you.

- All right. All right.

- [laughs]

- ♪ Come one, come all ♪

♪ I know you wanna see how these monsters ball ♪

♪ We knocking them out when we throw the wall ♪

♪ It's fright night on site, even the score ♪

♪ Rah, rah, come one, come all ♪

- Another day, another vacay.

- Believe me, I'm used to being on an island.

I'm a island boy. I'm from Rhode Island.

- ♪ On site, even the score ♪

- Who's ready for the pool? - Me.

- Mike. See the bocce court?

- Y'all, you want some?

Baby got me through all the tough times.

- ♪ Come one, come all ♪

♪ I know you wanna see how these monsters ball ♪

♪ We knocking them out when we go... ♪

- Big Daddy Sitch is sort of a legend

in prison at bocce ball.

And I even have the bocce ba*ls to prove it.

- Is that your own bocce ball?

- Wait, you brought your own bocce ball?

No wonder you had suitcases.

- Listen, this baby right here is very close to my heart.

It got me through all the tough times in Otisville.

I was able to persuade the warden to let me go home

with my very own bocce set from Otisville.

- Wait, right now, you look like a little man

with his bocce ball

and like his socks with his sandals.

[laughs] I can't.

[laughter]

- Two on two with the boys. Let's go.

So you gotta be good if you got a court in your house then.

- Yeah. - In federal prison,

every activity they do to the max.

- Do you know what'll be nice right now?

- A frozen drink? - A frozen drink.

- We can walk to the bar and get one, right?

- Bocce ball is in my blood.

When Italians are born, we don't have ba*ls.

We have bocce ba*ls.

If you looked at my ba*ls, one's red, one's blue,

and there's a little white ball in the middle.

- You should get that checked out, though.

- I should. I should.

- What are we gonna do, teams?

- You're the pro.

- We can do me and Chris since we're a couple now.

- I'm not very experienced. I'll be with you.

- Yeah. I'll go with you. All right.

Do we--what is your team name, boys?

Do you want to think of that--

think about it, huddle up? - Just the Betas.

[dramatic music]

- You could just call us Team Alpha.

- Size don't matter in this game, baby.

- Oh, wow. - Wow.

- So bocce bowl is a game where you're in, like, a big sandbox.

- Mike, where's the sweet spot here?

- Technically in the yard. We'd like to go to the corner.

- Each team has to get their color bocce ball

as close to the little white ball as possible.

- Mike, were you guys playing for, like, bragging rights?

- Bragging rights was everything in the yard.

- Mike keeps talking about the yard.

- This is how we played in the yard. Okay?

This is how we played in the yard.

You guys are not ready.

- I don't know how hard the yard was.

- So if you was a bocce ball champion,

you got extra helpings on the chow line.

- He went to basically a camp.

- So you were playing for food?

- Yes. - Nice.

- With tech guys that hacked somebody.

- This is how we played in prison, baby.

- This is how we played in prison.

- He had his own private chef. - Extra macro, kid.

[laughter]

- Mike lived better than me when he went to prison.

- We're cutting the chow line tonight, baby.

[laughter]

[electronic music]

- Oh, man, a vacation this time of year.

Mic check one-two, one-two.

There are fresh batteries in that bad boy.

And I had it shined up.

- We're gonna go get frozen drinks at the bar.

- Have you ladies made some decision?

- We would love

if you could, , like, spiced margaritas.

- Oh, no.

- Right now it's prison verse heritage.

- As an alpha... - Yes.

- I think we should eliminate the non-alphas.

- I totally agree.

all: Oh!

- That's how we do it! - That's how we--

- Yo, how could you make a better shot than that?

- That's how we did it in the yard, kid.

- Got the margaritas.

- Thank you. - All right. Let's see.

- Is that too spicy?

- I don't think it's spicy though.

- No, that's a regular margarita.

- [laughs]

- I'm not impressed.

- [whispers] She's right there.

- Who? The waitress?

- Yeah.

- Hello? - Oh, my God.

Were you about to go like this? Please, no.

- Sorry. - Oh, my God.

Like, I was a server back in the day.

You don't snap your fingers.

I am freaking mortified right now.

- Can I do a different spicy marg?

This isn't really spicy. That's it.

- Whoa. - Dang. That's good.

- Ooh, nice. Nice throw. - Nice, nice throw.

- That's good.

- You see that piece of straw? Should we clear that, or...

- I think we should clear it.

- Just like a beta to take away

any obstacle in their path anyway.

- When we see obstacles, we see opportunity.

- That's right.

- You know what I call you guys?

Big for nothing.

- Alphas, we're athletes. - Yeah.

- No matter what we're playing.

- Ooh. - That's a [bleep].

- What was that thing about alphas being athletes?

- This is all skill. No muscle.

- Ooh. I think that's five-five.

- Five-five. - I think that's a tie game.

They're big, but they don't have finesse.

- [bleep]. - Wah!

- It seems that these guys are soft like mashed potatoes.

- Let's go. Let's go!

all: Oh!

- I'm mashed potatoes. I'm mashed potatoes.

- Okay. Okay.

- Okay. So the reason why I did a snap.

- Yeah.

- Because--so my parents have a house in Boca.

They were members of the Boca Resort,

which is like a very fancy, like, Waldorf historic thing.

And anytime you want whatever, you just get someone

and they come bring you everything.

- I wasn't prepared for the snap.

- I know. - I was like, whoa.

- Like, they'll come.

- Hands down,

Lauren is the bougiest out of the three of us.

I would go second, but nobody tops Lauren.

- Thank you.

- Yeah, have a good rest of your day.

- Thank you. You too.

- Thank you. You too?

[laughs]

I'm not allowed to [bleep] with you too? Let's go.

- No, you are. - I don't know.

I might get Lauren attack again from last night.

- No, we would never.

- We gotta nail this. We gotta nail the betas.

- Well, there's plenty of stuff 'cause if the green--if I go...

- They got one shot.

- I can knock the white into the green. Right?

- It's very close.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- Game point.

all: Oh!

- Let's go, baby!

- Game, point, stop, baby.

- Yeah. What's up? Little? I thought we were short.

- Those big [bleep] muscles didn't do [bleep].

- Yeah, what's up?

♪ ♪

- What a beta.

- What are you gonna put on a T-shirt now, Mike?

I lost? We won. That's all that matters.

- [fake crying]

- You took an L, my guy.

Italian runs in my blood, [bleep] going to jail.

This guy really thought he was gonna beat us. We're sleepers.

- Can't we stop. - We're tiny.

But, Mike, I told you, we got the meatballs...

both: We're the bocce ba*ls.

- We [bleep] k*lled them. - Good game. Good game.

- Great game. - Good game, sir.

- Great game. - Great game.

- Hey, great game. Great game.

- All right, love the trash talk.

- Good game. Good game.

- ♪ With the bass down low ♪

♪ Bring it, bring it down slow ♪

♪ With the bass down low, bring it, bring it down slow ♪

- Yo, what was Mike talking about?

This is not international waters. [laughs]

I didn't even need my passport to come here.

- This is nice though. - This is nice.

- Jamaica is a foreign country. Florida is not.

[laughs]

- ♪ Bring it, bring it down slow ♪

♪ Put the bass down low ♪

- Oh, this is nice.

Where are the Guidos?

Hey, guys! I'm here!

- Oh, my God.

He brought the megaphone to the Keys.

- Oh, Vinny.

- What's up, babe?

- Oh, there he is.

- What's up, babe? I missed you.

I got my main piece and my side piece both on a vacation.

[laughter]

- Make way. - What's up?

- I'm a real [indistinct].

- Nikki. - Vincenzo.

- Welcome to the island.

- The universe is whole again. MVP has assembled.

Vinny, you wanna show him the room

before we get to the shore? - Yeah. Sure.

- ♪ Okay, here we go, nobody, nobody ♪

It's over here? - Yeah.

- We're on the beach.

- You guys can have the bigger side if you want.

- This seems like the godfather bed.

- Yeah, exactly. This is the godfather room for sure.

Let's just put our beds together

while we're figuring this one. - I'm sleeping in here anyway.

- This right here is the official get-ready couch.

- Oh, this is cool. Oh, this MVP.

"Jersey Shore: Family Vacation" Keys style. We're MVP.

Do you got the keys? - Yeah.

- You know what they call us now, right?

We're the M-V-Keys.

- Oh-h*! - [laughs]

- That was good. That was good. That was good.

- Mic drop. What?

- Where's Angelina? - She is--her luggage is late.

- Did she bring Chris? - She did bring Chris.

- He saw everybody? - No, everything's peaches.

- No, everything's peaches.

And they also said that after two years they finally had sex.

- No, they didn't. - For real.

That's what they said. - Video or it didn't happen.

Angelina apparently finally had sex.

Let's call Angelina. We need to get to the bottom of this.

- Please leave your message.

- Angelina, heard you had sex! Call me back.

- [laughing] - Come on.

[laughter]

- That's a good one. I like that.

- That wasn't the [bleep]. He's so stupid.

- Angelina, heard you had sex!

Call me back. Come on.

- [laughing]

I can't.

- ♪ Yeah, I'm on fire ♪

♪ I'll go higher and higher ♪

- Do you want to just stay down here for lunch?

- I'll tell them right now. - Perfect, baby.

- JWOWW said that she's at the bar

if we want to come over there and meet her.

- Cool. - Okay, cool.

- Oh, let's go.

- Are those really the keys to get in?

- Yes. - I thought we're in the Keys.

- Shut up. - Hey, J.

- Are we sitting? - Yeah.

- What a nice vacation!

- Mike, this is the first trip

since your probation has been lifted, right?

- Yeah. Yep. Yep. - That's what's up.

You didn't have to check in with nobody to leave, right?

- No. - Just Laurens.

- And then going home, you're like, holy [bleep].

- She's the real probation officer.

[phone ringing] - Hello?

- It's your luggage service.

- Oh, damn. All right. All right. Thank you so much.

- Oh, she lucked out. - Thank you.

- Oh, damn. - Wow.

- Angelina's luggage made it.

- Yo, Angelina's luggage is here.

- Lucky. - I gotta call Angeliners

right now, I dunno if she's gonna pick up.

- [clears throat]

[phone rings]

- Hello? - Angeliner.

- Yeah. What are you doing?

- Where are you? - I'm in my room.

- The front desk just called

and they said you need to go and get your bags now.

- All right. I'm coming now.

- All right, bye. - Bye.

- Hallelujah. My prayers have been answered.

Yay! Our luggage is here!

I've never wanted to see my luggage so bad in my life.

All right, let's go.

- Come on, come on, come on. - Chop.

And we're off to see my luggage.

My luggage.

Oh.

Are you the person that drove it here?

- Yeah.

- Thank you. Yeah. - Thank you.

- I have underwear

and I wanna enjoy this [bleep] vacation already.

Thank you.

- [bleep] Mike, take it back. - Mike's stuff?

He can [bleep] get it himself.

- You can bring this one back to Miami.

- Yeah. Bring it to Miami. Ship it.

It's only shoes anyway. Thank you, sir.

- You're welcome.

- Give me that other bag, come on.

- Can we borrow your car?

- Oh, it's right there. There's a [bleep].

- What is that? - It's mine now.

[upbeat music]

I need this. Literally robbing you.

♪ ♪

Don't drop this luggage. - Can we leave it right here?

- Yeah, we'll leave it right here.

- You're breaking the thing. Come on, man.

What are you doing? - What?

- There's a lamp over here.

- Oh, [bleep]. - All good?

- Yeah, until I'm pushing down a lamppost over there.

- Get some food, guys. Enjoy. Your luggage is here.

- Oh, I would like to play bingo.

I would love to play some bingo.

- Play bingo? - Bingo!

[laughter]

- Just kidding.

I don't really know how to play,

but I love bingo this time of year.

You know, where I come from, I was bingo champion.

- Oh, [bleep]. Diagonal only, people!

I never in my life thought I'd be a competitive bingo player,

but I'm like, I need to freaking win this bingo.

- Whoo!

- Yes! - I want one!

Where'd you get these numbers?

- [laughs] Shut up.

- Oh, I got that one! - Shut up.

- I'm doing well at bingo.

Like, I k*ll it at games. I'm an athlete.

- Ugh. - Whoo!

- Ooh, I got that one. Okay.

Okay. - Shh.

- Oh! Oh! Oh! - No way!

No way! - Oh! Oh!

- No way! - No way!

- Oh! - No, that's not right.

- You have to be diagonal, Pauly.

- For real?

- It has to be diagonal.

- Oh, my God.

My mind is blown. I can't believe it.

How am I not winning right now?

I gotta win something for that, man.

- Embarrassing. No!

- Cringing. I'm cringing. - Embarrassing.

- I demand a recount.

♪ ♪

[upbeat music]

- Who's picking these numbers?

I take this [bleep] seriously, man.

- I have I-. - Ooh, I got that one.

I now have all my Is.

- Three more to go. - Okay, one more, baby.

- Get outta here!

[all screaming and cheering]

- G-? G-?

- They called B-, baby.

- [breathy laugh] - [laughs]

- I don't know if Pauly even knows

how to play bingo right now.

- I won too.

- Chris B, Chris B. Not Chris L.

- Chris B, we got a winner! [all cheer]

- Come on, come on.

- Pauly D is a winner! - What's up now?

I finally won this game of bingo.

I'm the best bingo player in the world.

[cheers and applause] - Yay.

- [laughs]

[mellow music]

♪ ♪

- Oh, my God. This is it. This is it.

- You need to have some kind

of a love triangle with a couple of fights.

- All right, I have to put on my acting face as well

because I'm not supposed to know this couple

and like, that this is part of, like, my plan.

- I'm like looking around, like, does anybody hear?

They need to hear this couple.

I need somebody to be invested in this couple.

You hear this?

- Yeah. What are they yelling about?

- It seems like she just doesn't wanna have a good time.

And he wants to have a good time.

- I can't help but notice a couple behind me

that's getting into, like, a little tiff.

- He's mad.

She looks like she's gonna cry. - Really?

- This is freaking perfect.

- I love people watching.

I love a good argument between a couple

in the--in the public setting.

Don't you dare judge me.

'Cause I'm bored right now and I wanna watch this.

This is like a soap opera. I mean, I like this.

- She said, "Happy wife, happy life.

Give me five minutes."

- That's what she said? No way. - Where did he go?

Where did he go? Where did he go?

- He went that way to your left.

- Oh, God, he's coming. - [murmuring]

- I'm like trying my hardest not to laugh.

- Out of everyone, I told myself,

I need Jenni to be the one that really hears this couple

because she loves drama, and lo and behold.

- I feel like I'm invested in their relationship now.

- This is perfect. [laughs]

- Walk ahead of me. - Oh, my God.

- I wanna watch them tonight.

Like, I wanna see how this fight goes down.

And literally, as they're leaving,

it's, like, very uncomfortable.

- We're like, this is gonna end up like,

"Person missing in the international Florida Keys."

- Why are we acting like

they're like one of our roommates?

- I know. All right, we need to just--

- Let's go walk. - Let's go walk.

Yeah, we were listening to the fight over there.

So are you guys going to unpack?

- Yes.

- Chris, you sure you don't wanna try the wall--oh, God.

- Don't worry. It's only Angelina's.

- Oh, my God! - Yo, yo, yo, yo!

- It's rolling! [laughter]

- [screams]

- I'm not chasing it.

- This luggage has a mind of its own.

- We lost it once.

I'm not losing it again. - I need your help.

- There's my husband dragging the luggage through the sands.

He doesn't ever like to take the easy road.

The things we do for our luggage.

- I'm catching me an iguaner.

There's gators all through these waters.

- This one is [bleep] is more like [bleep] pounds.

- Did you leave the [bleep] cart in there?

- No. - Bye, guys.

- See you at dinner. - Bye. See you later.

Regroup for dinner. - Regroup.

- What are you looking for? - My shampoo.

- But you have shampoo. It's right there.

- I know, but it's not the one I use. I'm looking for mine.

[laughs]

- Yo.

Did you just yell at me? - [laughs]

- Yo, did you just [bleep]? Let me tell you something.

- You're annoying. You're annoying.

- Chris.

[muffled arguing]

- Do you hear that? - Mm-hmm.

- Yo, that's-- Angelina's next to us.

She's next door to us again.

- Literally. - I swear she planned this.

- They're already fighting.

- Oh, hell no. Oh, hell no.

- Hold up. We have a connect over here.

- Oh, [...]. That's right.

- Let's establish some boundaries.

- And speaking of [bleep], no [bleep].

- Last time, Chris wanted to b*mb my bathroom.

- Oy. - Yo.

- Can I take a [bleep] in your bathroom?

- And that ain't happening.

- Chris was looking for his special shampoo right now.

What the [bleep] is the shampoo for?

'Cause you're balding or something?

What the [bleep] is that? Come on, man.

- Apparently, they had sex.

You'd think they'd be a little bit more happy.

They're still miserable, still fighting.

- [bleep].

- Babe, lock the door. Lock the door.

- Sometimes, sex isn't the answer.

- For... both: For them.

[both laughing]

- We don't wanna be...

- I was thinking... - Yeah.

- That, um, I have a little bit of a theory.

Now, Angeliners-- they've been boasting

that they have finally had sex after two years.

- Little do they know that we already had sex.

[all cheering]

- Now, I'll be honest.

I asked them, I said, what position?

They couldn't answer that question.

If you can't answer what position after two years,

it wasn't a big thing.

Maybe it wasn't a thing at all.

I'm sensing some inconsistencies

with Angeliners and Chris.

I'm not really sold on what they're selling.

This could all be a lie.

We might have to get to the bottom of this.

It seems that the investigation's now on duty.

It is. It's happening. - [laughs]

- Hey, guys, we gotta go.

- No! - Oh, what?

- No. No.

- Oh, my God. It's working.

- Come on, guys, let's go. [all speaking at once]

- Oh, my God!

- I feel like everybody's gonna be mad at me.

- Somebody straight up got m*rder*d.

- What? - Oh, my God.

- Somebody just got m*rder*d, bro.

- ♪ I came to party ♪

♪ I know you did too ♪

♪ Shots on patrol ♪

♪ They will help you feel loose ♪

[bottle pops]

- Vinny? - Yo.

- Is it T-shirt time yet? - No.

- I feel like we're back in Miami.

- I put SPF on today.

Did you? You're red.

Mm.

- I'm not gonna lie.

When that fight was happening today,

I kind of felt adrenaline like it was real.

- I feel like I'm invested in their relationship now.

- They did a great job. - They did.

These actors were actually really good.

Cheers to us k*lling it tonight.

Literally. [laughs]

- Should you be drinking before your big debut?

- I need to because when I have, like, a buzz,

I feel like my acting is the best.

I don't know why I'm so nervous

about the m*rder mystery.

I just want it to go perfect.

All right. Let me call this guy now.

Honestly, like, I just have to pull it off.

So I just wanna let you know we planted the seed.

Now we have the next little thing.

So what's happening exactly next?

- We have another scene that they're gonna see

between our people where they see the wife

with somebody else, which is kind of cool.

After that, as you guys go to dinner,

we're gonna have you seeing the dead body.

That's when you're gonna do your scream.

- Oh, my God. I am so excited.

I'm gonna start practicing my scream in a pillow

just so I get it right. - [laughs]

- All right. Can't wait.

-Pleasure. - All right. Bye.

This is gonna be good. Do you want me to practice?

Get me a pillow.

[weak scream]

[laughs] - That's good.

- [weak scream] [laughs]

Go pretend you're dead on the bed.

I'm like, a little nervous.

Like, am I gonna be able to pull off and act like

I actually saw, like, the dead body?

Like, I have to put on my acting shoes.

Oh, my-- [screaming]

Oh, my... [panting]

[laughs] - You did good.

- I really should be an actor.

- ♪ Say what you wish, say what you want ♪

♪ Fighting this, no [indistinct] front ♪

- Vinny? - Hey.

- Hey, what's up?

- Figured that I'd wear a gray T-shirt tonight, change it up.

- Ooh, something different. - Yeah.

- Why you in shorts? For dinner?

- We're out on a vacation, babe.

- Swagless. My man got no swag.

Gray T-Shirts are not it, my dude.

- You had on a gray shirt.

- White shirt.

Gray, white, black, nude, repeat.

shades of Vinny.

- Must be easy for you to pack. [laughs]

- It's hard because you have to keep thinking of recreations

of neutral tones.

- Yeah. That's hard. - It is.

- You wonder why I call him a chooch.

- ♪ Ay, no pain, no gain ♪

♪ Gotta keep my head in the game ♪

♪ I wanna stay ahead of the game ♪

- Liz, so I wanna make sure

this is like, absolutely perfect.

- Okay. - This has to be real.

And we have to get, like, the camera guys involved.

I need the sound guys involved, you guys involved,

and security has to be involved.

This is going to be amazing.

- Hey, what's up, bud?

- And the roommates are gonna have a good time

the entire night because of me.

There's going to be a dead body in the pool.

- So I need you to sell it.

- Security just has to push everyone away from the pool.

- Yeah. You need to get us outta there.

- It is the protocol. We will have everyone evac.

Yeah.

- I'm prank w*r champion after today.

And nobody's gonna take my title

'cause this is [bleep] awesome.

Everyone get in.

all: [softly] Team Dead Body.

- Oh, dead body.

[electronic music]

- ♪ Drink till I feel like I really can't stand up ♪

- All right, let's go.

- Okay. Let's go.

- Well, if it isn't the Sorrentinos.

- What's up, guys?

It seems that there's a ton of inconsistencies going on.

Yesterday, she said,

yeah, I just like, kind of rolled over.

And that particular position is the lazy side booty as we know.

- Mm.

- So today when I asked again,

I was like, let's guess the position.

And I immediately said lazy side booty.

And she said no. It was the lazy side booty.

- Nah, it wasn't that.

- So there's another inconsistency.

- The plot just thickens.

- Maybe we need to continue observing.

- Oh-oh. The observation.

I think it's teetering

between an instigation and the observation.

[laughter] - Yes, yes.

Yeah, yeah!

- [bleep] my Jordans.

- Why would you wear Jordans on a beach?

- That's what I do.

- Can you open that?

Hi.

- [laughs]

- Are those people drunk? - Who?

- Right there. They seem drunkies.

- Deena. - What?

- That's the wife that was getting [indistinct] behind him.

- No, it's not. No, it's not. - Yes, it is.

- I was just thinking that.

- Shut up. - Deena.

On my kids, that's her. It's her dress.

- They seem a bit... - No, she's not.

- Befuddled. - That's not her.

- It is. - I don't know.

- That's her. She's with another man.

- No, we just-- - Holding his hand.

- Yo, time out.

- Oh, my God. The b*tch is cheating.

Now I don't feel bad that the husband was yelling at you.

- Jenni's invested in this couple we saw fighting.

- So they were fighting behind us.

They were going off.

- Was that the same Guido? - That's a different man.

The wife just literally walked by.

- Yeah, we saw her with a different guy.

- That was her with a different guy?

- I think so. I think so. - See?

- Oh, my God. Like, this is going perfectly.

- I think they wanna get caught. - Let's go find them.

- This is gonna turn into

[bleep] "Dateline" in like, three days.

- Yeah, like, I'm on "Dateline", bro.

- I'm totally here for it.

- ♪ I was hype, we was light ♪

♪ In the back, back ♪

♪ Took a mic, no rights, had the right track ♪

- I think they want to get caught.

- We need to find the dude.

So we'll be like, "Yo, where your girl at?"

- I think they want to get caught.

- This is gonna turn into

[bleep] "Dateline" in like three days.

- Yeah, like, I'm on "Dateline" bro.

- I'm totally here for it.

- The web is set.

Now all I have to do is wait for the flies.

Ha, ha, ha.

[laughs]

I feel like it's just so--

I don't know. Is it the humidity?

I feel like my hair is so sticky.

- I feel a little sticky myself.

- Yeah. Very humid. - Yeah. It's very humid.

- I feel like sticky as [bleep].

- Yeah, it wasn't like this last night or as bad.

- [sighs] - I know. The--the--

- Look at all these porches, man.

- Yeah, yeah. Kicking it.

- Your mom was with CC and they were over the balcony

and he was eating chippers. - Oh.

- And he knows my name. He knows my name.

- Guys, guys. - Stop, stop.

Stop, stop. What? - No, no.

- What? - No, he's--

somebody's just-- - No, no, no, no, no.

- What? - No!

- Wait, what? Don't say-- don't run and not say what.

- Oh, [bleep].

- I'm not [bleep] joking. I'm not joking.

- Yo. Yo!

[dramatic music]

- What?

- Yo. - [screams]

- What? - Oh.

♪ ♪

- Oh, my God!

♪ ♪

Stop, stop.

- No!

- No, what was that?

I feel like everybody's gonna mad at me.

- Oh, my God!

- I'm not trying to make them cry.

- This is part of the prank.

- I didn't want them to be upset.

- What do you want them to do? Laugh about seeing a dead body?

- What was that?

- It's fine. It's fine, D.

[overlapping shouting] - What was that?

- What? - Oh, my God.

♪ ♪

- What was that? - Let's go, let's go!

[sirens wailing] - What was that?

- That was [bleep] up. - Whatever.

- There's a lot of hypocrites at this table.

- That's right. - Do an impression.

- Angelina, did you have sex with Chris yet?

- Yeah, we did. - And we [bleep] did it.

- Right. Is this Robert De Niro or Angelina?

- Yeah. [laughter]

- Let's go, b*tches.

- I am a connoisseur on boats.

Whee!

I never go on a boat drinkless.

Whee!