02x10 - Arrest Ye Merry Gentlemen/Ride Along Kid

[bunniefuu]

[opening theme music]

[siren blaring]

[tires screeching]

[siren blaring]

[tires screeching]

[Sinclair] This part of the room
is very festive, Morris.

This has to be the best Christmas party

Fendrich has ever seen the city see!

I can't believe Sinclair
has the nerve to throw a holiday party

in our shared room!

We don't share anything,

especially a room meant for sharing.

[Fendrich] Is it even legal
for her to use that room?

I looked over the contracts, boss.

Yours says she can't use it,
but hers says she can use it.

She has a different contract?

You refused to share yours.

[groan] She didn't even have

the common decency
to invite me to the party

so I could angrily decline!

The nerve! I have half a mind
to show up late!

You were invited?

Yeah, we all were! She used to babysit me!

I'm bringing the potato salad!

Half that room is mine!

We're gonna sabotage that party

and fill Sinclair's Christmas stocking

with humiliation and defeat!

Duke, bro, you're gonna be late

for Sinclair's epic holiday rager!

Christmas parties
aren't really my thing, Chief.

I'm not good with small talk,
or even medium talk.

I should be patrolling the streets.

Not this year, dude!
You work every holiday.

So, as a gift,
we all volunteered to work tonight.

-Yeah!
-You deserve it!

I was peer pressured into this.

Thank you. Maybe I'll go for a bit.

Hold up, there, Dukester.

No police work tonight.

Hand it over.

[sighs]

[clanging]

["We Wish You a Merry Christmas" playing]

[grunting]

-[groans]
-Merry Christmas!

-Hi!
-Hello!

[grunting]

My hat still on?

Top Hat Tom!

-How festive you look!
-Thanks!

I adapted my sole defining characteristic

just for the occasion.

Is that Craig Woodman?

I wasn't sure
a busy social butterfly like you

would have time
for my humble little get together.

[Fendrich] Remember. When we're finished,

this will be the worst Christmas party

Sinclair has ever seen the city see!

Now, let's sneak over and get to work.

Why do we have to crawl
through the air vent?

Morris and Morris are checking
invitations at the door.

If I have to go through the vent,

-we all go through the vent.
-[groans]

[grunting]

Duke, Merry Christmas!

Ooh. Sorry.

-[laughs]
-Okay.

Well, that certainly happened.

I-I'm going over there now.

-Hello, how are you?
-This just in.

Duke DeTain is not in uniform
for a holiday party.

-It's great to see you off duty.
-[Duke] Hi, Gabby.

Honestly, I should be in uniform on duty.

I don't remember
the last holiday party I went to.

Look around, it's fun.

Just relax, you know,

say "Happy Holidays!" and mingle.

"Ming-ul?"

Wow, so many complicated
holiday party traditions.

[groan] Craig is standing by the door.

People are using him as a coatrack.

I'll be right back.

Now, go interrupt
your regularly scheduled police work.

[sighs]

Uh... Hoppy Halidays!

Come on, Duke, "Hoppy Halidays?"

Focus, Duke, focus!

[Fendrich grunting]

Now, we move to Phase Two of the plan,

infiltrate and strike before
anyone knows what hit 'em.

And be careful with those elf hats.

-They're rented.
-Infiltrate? Strike?

I've stumbled on a major crime!

[Duke] I'm back on duty!

Luckily, Chief Wheeler didn't
ask for my spare handcuffs.

Okay, first, we ruin snacks.

Vito, turn off the chocolate fondue

so it gets cold.

Cold chocolate. Copy that.

Betty, break the candy canes into pieces.

There's nothing in the world more annoying

than broken candy canes.

Right, aim high, boss.

[tense music]

[Duke] Huh.

These crooks look like they're
going to steal those snacks

and sell them illegally
on the Snack Market.

[both laugh evilly]

Ha!

-Huh?
-Uh-oh!

[all groan]

[both straining]

Well, they say the holidays
are about togetherness.

No!

Chocolate-dipped peppermint sticks?

Delicious!

Mary, I must say, you've outdone yourself!

-Cool!
-All right!

-Impressive!
-Phew!

[gibberish]

-[groans]
-Attention, please, everyone!

I'm so glad you're enjoying

my signature "Chocolate Dip Sticks,"

and now, it's time for holiday karaoke!

Shall I start us off?

♪ I shall now sing for thee ♪

♪ To fill us all with glee ♪

Okay, Hacksaw, you're up.

Sabotage that karaoke machine.

♪ I threw this rad party... ♪

[feedbacks]

[gasps]

Uh-oh, that crooked elf
is messing with the wiring.

Someone could get electrocuted.

-[Duke grunting]
-[gasps]

Oh, cool, can I take this one?

-Wow!
-Hey, everybody!

Poppy Starr, everyone!

♪ Mistletoe, you and me ♪

♪ Presents under
The Christmas tree ♪

♪ Singing all
The Christmas songs ♪

♪ And everybody singing along ♪

♪ Well, I've been waiting
All year for Christmas ♪

♪ I've been waiting all year
For Christmas ♪

What's happening?

Instead of ruining the party,
we've made it better!

Black is white! Up is down!

Salmon is...

-What's the opposite of salmon?
-Um...

Never mind.

I'm starting to think someone
is sabotaging our sabotage.

[Duke] Having a not-so-merry
Christmas, fake Santa?

Well, it's only gonna get worse.

I will stop you.

No, it's me who will stop you!

[Duke] That won't be easy,

because the easy way
is rarely the best way.

[Fendrich] Is this Deputy Mayor Carol Yea?

What? No! It's Lieutenant Duke DeTain!

I am not Duke DeTain!

And, boy, I'm glad he's not here.
Duke's really hard to stop.

But you, whoever you are,
you'll never stop my plan!

Ha! We'll sabotage the photo booth.

Find the "look terrible" setting

so anyone who uses the booth
will be mortified and want to leave.

Now, make me look hideous.

Photos with Santa?

Oh, me first!

[grunts]

I've been a good little
scientist this year,

and for Christmas I want a powerful ray

that will defeat my enemies

and a less powerful ray
that will make people

who just annoy me kinda itchy.

[groan]

[camera shutter clicks]

[gasps]

Danke schöen, Herr Claus!

Hi, Santa!

Oh, brother. What gift do you want?

Me? No. What do you want
for Christmas, Santa?

Fendrich!

Sinclair!

Wait a minute... You're not Santa!

This is an invitation only party.

It's a shared space,
half of which is mine.

So half of me has half a right

to be half here half as much as I want.

Thanks to your typical incompetence,

my party turned out even better
than I hoped it would be.

This is far beyond
my "typical" incompetence.

I would have succeeded in ruining

your pathetic little shindig

if you hadn't invited a meddling guest

who kept thwarting my thwarts!

Uh, yeah, that was me.

I'm the thwarter. Hi.

-Duke?
-Sorry, see,

when I heard Fendrich
and his crew talking,

I guess I heard
only what I wanted to hear...

that they were planning
some huge crime for me to stop

so I wouldn't have
to actually join in the party.

Duke, sweetheart, that's very nice,

but this is about me
and Fendrich Claus over here.

Right. I'll just, uh... I'll be over here.

So, Fendrich, if you think
you can share this space with me,

let's see you beat me
in the final event of the party,

the Gingerbread House Building contest.

Ha! That's the worst gingerbread house

I've ever seen.

These are just the building
supplies you silly, silly man.

First, the basic structure,
then twinkling lights,

a botanical garden,
an indoor sprinkler system

in case of a fire.

Smart.

Yeah, well, it would be a shame
if someone built a giant,

ugly gingerbread strip mall

right next to your confectionary mishmash.

I'll just build higher,

so no one sees your sugarplum atrocity.

[all gasping]

[both laughing]

[all cheering]

[screams]

[all gasping]

[thuds]

[all cheering]

Amazing.

I finally get
what the holiday spirit is all about.

It's a time to put our differences aside

and see the best in one another.

Wrong! Christmas is a time

to put our differences together

and only see the worst in one another.

Yes, if you hadn't failed so spectacularly

at ruining my party...

And if your party was even halfway decent
enough to "ruin" in the first place...

[Sinclair] Our petty rivalry
wouldn't have created something

even more spectacular for our city

than either of us
could have managed on our own.

May all your Christmas wishes
not come true in any way, Rachel.

And a very miserable
New Year to you, Mary.

[all cheering]

♪ Falling snow, candy canes ♪

♪ Santa Claus pulling
On the reindeer reins ♪

♪ For all the boys and girls ♪

♪ All around the world ♪

♪ I've been waiting all year ♪

♪ Waitin' all year... ♪

♪ For Christmas ♪

♪ Waitin' all year for Christmas ♪

♪ Waitin' all year for Christmas ♪

♪ It's finally here
I've been waiting all year ♪

[opening theme music]

[siren blaring]

[tires screeching]

[siren blaring]

[tires screeching]

[Billy] Thanks for the tour
of the fire station.

My school report is gonna be
the best in the class.

Aw, it's my pleasure, Billy.

"A Day in the Life of a City Hero...
Fire Chief Aunt Freya."

[McCloud] So, next up is my office.

Whoa!

Cool!

Here's my state-of-the-art computer

where I monitor and respond to emergencies
all over the city!

Cool! This is where you spend hours
playing "Wizards of Yarg" with me!

Uh, well, certain strategy games
sharpen one's skills in the field.

Yeah, if orcs attack the city,
we'll be totally prepared.

[Mark] I don't know, sis.

Don't role playing games
about fantastical worlds

cause, you know, nightmares...

to me?

Oh, it's just harmless fun, Mark.

Hey, you want to see the fire pole?

-Awesome!
-[whistling]

-[burbling]
-[grunts]

[whimpers]

Come on, Billy. Give it a try.

Whoa! Wait, wait, wait.

Aren't those poles dangerous
and unsanitary, you know... to me?

[laughing]

They're perfectly safe, Mark.

We use them all the time.

Try it for yourself.

Uh...

Okay. Watch me, Billy.

You have to hold on tight
and be careful of germs.

Like this...

[whimpers]

[Mark grunts]

I think the pole is broken!

Uh, Mark, you might wanna,
you know,

loosen your grip there a bit, so you...

slide down.

The pole is broken.

-I can't!
-[sighs]

Okay, guys, I got a plan.

And here's where we store

our fire fighting equipment
and vehicles.

-Cool!
-[Mark whimpering]

This is my special
fire chief SUV.

Whoa!

Bob and Clemmons follow behind
in this big ladder truck

that extends a hundred feet
in the air.

Wow, Aunt Freya!

Everything you say and do
is exciting,

just like a real hero!

Yeah, well, your father
is a hero, too.

He's a pillow salesman,
which is very exciting.

I mean, he...

-He has to, uh...
-[hyperventilating]

-[alarm wails]
-[yelp, grunts]

Ella, what's the emergency?

Another cat stuck in a tree
or whatever.

Billy, this will be perfect
for your report.

You can come on a ride along

and see the fire department
in action.

Cool! Dad, can we?

I don't know.
A cat in a tree?

Maybe we should leave this one
to the professionals.

Mark, we are the professionals.

Uh, sis, aren't we going a little fast?

I'm doing the speed limit.

"The speed limit?" Sounds risky.

Oh, Mark, please.
I'm the Fire Chief.

This is what I do.

Can I put on the siren,
Aunt Freya?

Sure.

[siren blaring]

[yelp]

[meows]

[Billy] Wow!
That cat is way up there!

Bob, Clemmons,

I need a backgammon board,
a jackhammer,

a double cheeseburger,
a fencing outfit,

and the dental records
of a famous author!

Uh, sis, aren't the combination
of those items

a recipe for disaster... to me?

Mark, you're my big brother

and I appreciate you
looking out for me,

but why do you always assume
bad things are going to happen?

Why? Because of
the "incident," obviously.

The incident?
What are you talking about?

You mean you don't remember?

[Mark] We were just kids.

Mom went into the store
and asked me to watch you.

You begged me to ride

the coin operated
kiddie rocket ship.

And I thought,
"What could go wrong?"

It was just a toy rocket ship, right?

You climbed in...

but the rocket
didn't go fast enough

for my little sister,

so you turned it up
to full speed.

I watched helplessly as the rocket began
to shake harder and harder.

And then, suddenly...

[yells]

-[crashes]
-[man] My fruit!

You were unharmed and laughing,

but you could have been
seriously hurt

and it would have been
all my fault.

You were my responsibility.

I made a vow that day
to never again let my loved ones

do anything potentially dangerous...
and also never to play the harmonica

in front of a swan,
but that's a different story.

I think I vaguely remember that,
but, look, life is about taking chances

and sometimes,
you need to have a little faith,

especially in yourself.

Now, come on, let's get that cat down.

-This cat?
-[Mark gasps]

Billy. Listen carefully.

I need you to slowly put the cat down.

Then we need to sanitize those hands.

[cat meows]

Great job, Billy!

How'd you get the cat
out of the tree by yourself?

I just called him
and he jumped into my arms.

Looks like you're the hero today, Billy.

See, Mark?
Billy saved the cat and no one was hurt.

Are you okay, Mark?

[spluttering]

Fire!

[Bob] The Mars Mission launch site!

-[screaming]
-[gasping]

[both screaming]

Mark and Billy, you stay here!

Sis, you can't go over there!

It's too dangerous!

I need a walkie-talkie,
a vibrating massage chair,

a sensory deprivation helmet,
and hot cocoa.

-But, Chief, why...
-No time!

[Mark] Fire! Danger!

Fight or flight!

Sit down and relax.
Everything's gonna be fine.

-[vibrating]
-This sensory deprivation helmet

will make sure you don't see
or hear a peep.

What?
I can't see or hear a peep!

Billy. Here's a walkie-talkie
if you need me.

Come on. Let's put out a fire.

[engine starts]

This report is going be awesome!

-[meows]
-Oh! Silly cat.

I'll be right back, Dad.

[vibrating]

Why's the power on, Chief?

The fire short circuited
the power grid

to the launch site.
It's going haywire.

[man over PA] Launch
in three minutes and counting.

[gasps]
The rocket's gonna launch?

Good. The rocket's
full of combustible fuel,

so it's better off in space
than down here.

[grunting]

Here, kitty, kitty.

-Nice kitty.
-[meows]

Here, kitty, kitty.

Nice Kitty.

[alarm blares]

[vibrating]

Uh, Chief, your brother
is vibrating towards the rocket.

Hot Cocoa!

-Ha!
-Ouch!

What...
[gasps]

[McCloud] Mark, don't panic.

Just vibrate back the other way.

I knew this vibrating chair
was bad news!

Only people should tremble!

Wait, where is...

[man over PA] Launch
in two minutes and counting.

[both] Billy!

[laughs]

We've gotta get Billy
out of there!

Aunt Freya will save you, Billy!

Don't worry!
I've got that covered!

Chief, the fire is spreading
towards those fuel tanks.

[Clemmons] If we don't stop it,
they're gonna explode.

Mark, listen to me.

We're gonna have to work together
to put out the fire and rescue Billy.

You're closer to the rocket.

You have to save Billy.

I... I can't! I'm not like you!

[McCloud] No time!

You can do this, Mark!

[man over PA]
Fifty seconds to lift off.

I... I have to save Billy!

[grunts, thuds]

Daddy's coming, Billy!

Ouch! Hot!

Ooh! Hot stuff.

[Mark grunting]

[ominous music]

[screams]

[panting]

[screams]

Ahh! Whoa!
[whimpering]

Mommy, mommy, mommy!
[shrieks]

[man over PA]
Thirty seconds to lift off.

[grunting]

[breathing heavily]

[whimpers]

Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa...

Mommy, Daddy, Billy!
Mommy, Daddy, Billy!

Mommy, Daddy, Billy! Whoa!

Twenty seconds to lift off.

[grunting]

It's locked! Why?

Are they afraid someone's
gonna rob them in orbit?

Mark! Pull the door open!
Don't push!

Ten seconds to lift off.

Oh.

-Dad?
-Billy!

-Let's get out of here!
-[slams]

-[gasps]
-We're taking off!

[rumbling]

-[laughing]
-[whimpering]

Yes! This has all
the same safety features

as the emergency control panel

I had installed
at the pillow store.

-[Billy laughing]
-Don't be afraid, Billy.

[grunts]
Just leave it... to me!

[beeps]

Oh. Thank goodness
you guys are okay!

Mark, you did it!

Huh? I guess I did.

You know, sis,

now that I've seen what you do,
up close,

I realize,
it's much, much more terrifying

and dangerous than even
I could have ever imagined.

I'm changing the title
of my report to

"A Day in the Life
of Two Heroes...

Aunt Freya and My Dad."

Actually, I think you'll find

this city is full
of heroes, Billy.

Dad, can I ride

in your emotionally
scarring backstory rocket?

Um...
Sure, Billy. Have fun.

Yeah! Whee!

[laughing]

-[whooshes]
-Whoa!

-[giggling]
-[sighs]

Whee!

[crashes]

-[laughing]
-Oh, come on!

Cool!

[closing theme music]