04x29 - Reunion

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ MTV ♪

- Cheers to a Meatball Day!

- Let's get arrested!

Go, go, go, go!

- You pissed my couch?

- Ooh! - Oh, God.

[laughter]

- Our "Jersey Shore: Family Vacation"

in the Poconos was amazing.

We laughed... - [laughing]

- Aah! - Oh!

- We wrestled...

- He's touching his p*nis!

- Oh! - Oh!

- And Chris almost got his face shot off.

- Oh! Ohh--

- Please stop. - I'm sweatin'.

I'm crying!

- Now we're going to revisit all the best moments

of that trip in one epic Meatball Day.

- Whoo!

- So put on your drinking caps

and get ready for a wild ride.

- [laughing]

- This is the "Meatball Day Wrap-up Special."

Meatball recap, b*tches!

- ♪ You get OnlyFans, I get only bands ♪

♪ You do what you can, do it for the 'Gram ♪

♪ I do what I want, million dollar plan ♪

- All right, this is gonna be a wrap-up special.

So we're gonna wrap up everything

that went down in the Poconos.

And some unseen footage that you guys know about,

but not the audience.

- Oh, that's good.

Okay. [knocking]

- Jenni! - Nicole?

- Come in here. Gonna set mics on you guys.

- I got alcohol.

Calm down, Angelina!

Do you want a frosé or a white wine?

- I think I want a frosé.

- Cheers.

- Cheers. - Cheers.

- Wait, give Katie a drink.

- I'm working, you guys. - We won't tell.

- ♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪

- Today is going to be a day.

Tobin, do you mind helping me?

Thank you.

Hello?

- Deener!

- Hi!

- Ooh!

- I come... - What is that?

- Hi, Denner! - Bearing gifts.

I went back to back seasons

not being able to drink with you b*tches,

so I'm like today we're having a full-blown...

meatball-- [laughter]

I wanted that to be a dramatic moment.

Reset.

Meatball Day!

- Yay! - Yay!

Yas, queen! - Yeah!

I have ♪ Champagne! ♪

- Oh--all right.

- Cheers! - Cheers.

- Did you drink before you got here?

- No. I'm really excited.

I haven't had a monthly outing forever!

♪ ♪

- ♪ Crush it ♪

♪ Girl, you got it ♪

- Wow! - Look at this gorgeous spread.

I could die for this.

- Well, I'm glad that all you b*tches

can drink, finally, 'cause I feel like

every season, somebody's pregnant.

- Facts. - I'm just really happy

we're all together... - Same!

- Having a drink and... - Cheers!

- And having a Meatball Day.

[overlapping chatter]

- So when was our last Meatball Day?

Or all of us together? - The last time

we were together, your husband was blue.

- Oh, like a Smurf.

- You almost m*rder*d... - Your poor husband.

- Your husband!

- Aah!

[muffled laughter]

- [bleep] for real. - Yo, I'm not kidding.

- No, I'm not. - Aah!

- Wait, wait, wait, Ang,

we have a whole segment about this later,

so I don't wanna

get into it too much. - Oh, sorry.

[laughter]

- Poconos was great.

- It was so much fun.

Even though I was super sober,

sometimes I felt like I was drunk,

especially at Guidomania.

Like, what the frick was happening?

- Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Guidomania.

[cheers and applause] I'm Uncle Nino,

your announcer for tonight's Main Event.

What the [bleep]? - Ear muffs.

- There's children here!

- I'm not gonna lie--I thought it was gonna be super corny.

I'm like, ah, all right... - Same!

- Then I was like blown away.

- MVP versus the world, baby!

You goin' down! - What's up, my guy?

What's up, my guy? - Oh, my God.

Oh, my God!

- Oh! - Oh!

- There you go! Whoo!

- When your man came out with his underwear on...

- I can't. - Like...

your [bleep] face lit up.

[laughter]

[spectators whooping, screaming]

- Oh, my God!

I've never seen Zack wrestle before that.

Not in person.

- Oh, my God!

- I mean, Vinny with his jump rope--

that's his best friend.

- Here we go with the jump rope.

Oh, my God. - What the [bleep]

are you doing?

- Vinny's actually fricking comical.

- He is, though.

- Oh, my God, Angelina, just bang him already.

- Vinny really went up and, like, got body-slammed.

I was like...

- Oh! - Oh!

- Zack told me that, like, when guys

actually do that for the first time,

they sometimes like [bleep].

- [wheezy laugh] - Shut up!

- Eew! - When he body-slammed Mike

in rehearsal, and Mike had to run away.

- He [bleep]? - I don't know.

- Oh! - And of course hits his head.

- You all right? - Yeah.

Do you have a bathroom in here?

I actually have to use the restroom.

- Cause you hit so hard, like--

- He [bleep]! [chatter]

- [laughing]

- Another favorite moment of mine was Mike and Ron.

When they go like this,

it's like the test of strength or something.

♪ ♪

- What's happening?

I was like, what are they on,

"Dancing With the Stars," these two?

- They're doing like some kind of rain dance.

- Oh, my God--

[both grunting]

- I love that whole part with Greyson.

It was like the best part of the whole thing.

- That one-- it was so, so nice.

- Greyson!

- Oh! - Oh!

- Get him!

- Yay! [all whooping]

- And it's like everyone in front of the scenes

and in back of the scenes were just so excited

for this, like, event.

Honestly, there were so many

awesome activities over there

like the boat building competition.

- I actually really liked the boat race.

- Right? It was so fun! - What boat race?

- You were there!

- Chug, chug, chug!

- Aah! Weird!

I'm going on the boat.

[music winds down] [laughter]

I'm going to bet right now I remember saying,

"I'll go on the boat,"

and then after I said that, everything...

- Went blank? - Is black.

- What is happening?

- She's my Ma.

[indistinct chatter]

- You okay?

- The thing with Nicole, people,

is you can't directly talk to Nicole

when she's that drunk.

So I grabbed Katie.

I said, "I don't know if she should go in the boat."

- Eew. Let's not do that.

- I'm not jumping in.

- I'm not here for that.

- Sub in. Sub in, let's go.

- All right.

- So we said Angelina go in the boat.

- Go!

[overlapping shouting]

- Go! [shouting]

- Angelina, no!

You can't do that! - Go!

- I love how Chris jumped in for you,

and then Ron had to jump in for Saffire.

- Angelina!

[overlapping shouting]

Come on, Angelina!

Oh, [bleep]!

- Oh, [bleep]!

- Yeah!

We won!

"Side Piece" won!

- We won! - "Side Piece" won!

- We won!

- But I feel like you guys did so many activities.

And I feel like it looked like "Dirty Dancing."

Because the setting is Upstate New York.

It's in the woods, it's beautiful.

- That's "Dirty Dancing"? - Yeah, they filmed

in the Catskills.

- I never watched "Dirty Dancing."

- You haven't?

- Wait--what? - Oh, my God.

- Whoa!

- Are you serious? - Are you insane?

- Isn't it Kevin Bacon? [buzzer]

- Oh, my God! - No!

- Patrick Swayze! [overlapping shrilling]

- Who the [bleep] is Patrick Swayze?

- What? - You're crazy!

- Who? - The dancer!

- I never watched it. - He's amazing.

- I know Patrick Swayze was in "Ghost."

[ding] Anyway, Patrick Swayze's

amazing--he's a [bleep] genius.

- Is he the one that broke his back?

- No! - She's pissing me off now.

That's Arnold Armstrong!

[fanfare]

[laughter] - That's Arnold Armstrong.

- He fell to Earth. He's paralyzed.

- Arnold Schwarzenegger? [buzzer]

- No, I meant the Superman guy.

Arnold Armstrong!

[laughter]

- Christopher Reeve. [ding]

- Christopher Reeve. - That's who I meant.

- Arnold Armstrong.

- I think you're thinking about Armstrong,

the guy that went to the moon.

- Stretch Lance Armstrong!

[buzzer] - Stretch Armst--

- I think that's Stretch Armstrong!

- It's boy Stretch Armstrong?

- Yes, Stretch Armstrong!

I'm crying!

- Oh, I'm so [bleep] lost.

- We are the worst 's kids.

- Buzz Lightyear? [buzzer]

[laughter] - What was the name

of the other one? - Please stop.

- I don't know the name of-- - I'm sweatin'.

I'm sweating over here.

♪ ♪

[laughter]

- I'm dying.

- By the end of this, we're gonna have meatball problems!

Let me get my stuff.

- All right, this is gonna be fun.

Ooh, all right. - I'm good over here, guys.

♪ ♪

- I don't think we invited Trent to the special, so...

- Well, we got to. - Oh, God.

I like people to be happy.

- Happy. - Happy.

- Cheers to our Meatball Day.

- [belch] - Oh, God.

- That was a wet one. - "A wet one."

[laughter]

- We have to refill,

because I have a game that I think

that is gonna be so much fun for us all to play.

- I haven't played a drinking game in so long.

- We're all gonna ask questions,

and whoever the answer is,

we have to pour some of our drink into their glass.

Like who is like the most complaining on vacation?

So then we would all pour into

Jenni's drink. - Jenni's.

- Aw! [laughter]

Katie, you wanna like ask us the questions...

- Yeah, okay. - And then we'll...

- You guys ready? All right, out of all of you guys,

who's the most likely to throw the first punch in a fight?

- Yes, b*tch, and I'm honored.

- Stop, stop, stop, stop!

- You wanna get your [bleep] beat,

you'll get your [bleep] beat. You can stay and get your

[bleep] a*s beat. - All right.

- All right, who is the most likely

to start drama on a trip?

- I knew it. - This is fun!

- I knew it, I knew it.

You just don't care, like seriously!

All of youse in this house

are [bleep] fake and I want you all to know

that I can't stand any of youse!

- Who's the most likely to pass out?

- Oh.

♪ ♪

- Ha. Hey, bush.

- You wanna lay down here?

- No. First sing it. - All right, go ahead.

♪ ♪

- Oh, my God, Nicole!

- Oh, my God, ha ha.

- Oh, my God, Nicole's dead.

- All right, do you guys have any?

- Who's ever did butt sex?

- Oh, see now-- - That's not--

- What the [bleep]?

- This is not Never Have I Ever.

[laughter]

- Back to all the craziness in the Poconos--

- Let's do it. - How about frickin'

Vinny's talent show?

- Hello, everybody.

I would like to welcome you to the...

- Eew! You suck! - You suck.

- Boo!

I wasn't sure how it was gonna be,

but I can tell you

Vinny frickin' k*lled it.

I mean... - Did he?

- Yes, he did. I was--

- Can you just shut up for two seconds?

[laughter]

[upbeat music] - Oh! Oh, my God.

Go, Vin!

- Everybody! - Hit him with an empanada.

- Get it, baby!

- Every scene, he did a different outfit.

He had a jump rope...

- Oh, my God.

Oh, my God!

- [chanting] Twiggy! Twig--

- [bleep].

- And the dance.

♪ ♪

- What is he doing? - What is happening?

♪ ♪

- Ooh, he's Moonwalking!

[laughter, chatter]

- Poor Vinny.

- I was so entertained by him,

and, like, he would be an amazing--

- Are you [bleep] wiping this jelly on my couch?

- No!

- She just took her hand

and wiped the couch! - No, I did not.

Boo, where?

- This isn't your house, Angelina!

[laughter, chatter]

It's like look at her! Look at her fingers!

She's going like this.

- Ugh. - I did not!

- Did anybody get that on camera?

Did anybody get that-- her wiping?

- Oh, I'm sure we can play it back on a slo-mo.

♪ ♪

- [muttering, laughing]

You [bleep]!

- By far, the best talent of the night--

even though you don't remember--

was you. - Absolutely.

- We are doing a shot for JWOWW.

Thank you.

Gonna get ♪ wasted ♪ - Ha.

- Cheetos and seltzer.

Oh, I'm like living.

- You good? Okay. - We good!

- You were just too excited.

That's why. - I-I got overly excited.

- You weresoexcited.

- I'm getting ready!

Aah! Pfft.

[Bleep].

- She came out with the pom-poms.

♪ ♪

- What the [bleep] is she doing?

- And then break her neck.

[whooping, shouting]

- Oh! - Oh, my God!

- She just face-planted.

- That wasn't my actual plan.

- Oh, my God, is she okay?

- Oh, my God!

- You falling off the stage

was the most iconic moment--

- Wha--aah--

- The fact that you came up after you fell

and you were doing somersaults and frickin' cartwheels--

- We thought she died! - That's a Meatball!

- I was dying!

- Oh, there she is. She's back up.

- She's like the Energizer Bunny.

- The show must go on.

♪ ♪

- I feel so good!

[laughter]

- I was so impressed,

because I didn't think you were gettin' up from that.

- You're a Meatball.

You know how many times you fell?

- That's true. - And you just got back up.

♪ ♪

Pow! Whoops. - [laughing]

- Aah-- [laughter]

- Where are we going? I'm just running!

Fumble!

- You kidding me?

♪ ♪

Oh-- - Ha ha ha.

- Oh... - [snorts]

- Nobody understands, like the Meatballs,

we're like elastic. - Whoo!

Cheers to Meatballs being fun. - Yeah.

- Honestly, the whole time when you guys were away,

[sighs] you know I had FOMO.

I was texting you. I was texting you.

We were in Group I was like,

what's happening, what's going on?

So when I saw all of you guys,

I was so excited to, like, just hang out

and also like me being a mom of three,

I was like, "Listen, I'm gonna go hard."

- ba*ls to the wall. - And then she just frickin'...

- And fell off the seat. - Legit.

- I loved it.

- The only time I can really go hard

and never be judged by friends is you guys.

- Aw... - 'Cause you always

take care of me.

Who the [bleep] is the girl they found?

- Just relax. Let me talk--it's fine.

- Come on, Nicole.

Oh, dear Jesus. - Oh my God, I want a pool.

- Nicole!

Let's go.

- Ha. I need a [bleep] drink.

- Oh, we want you on every trip.

[ding]

- Opa! - Yes.

- Listen, when I have

Alzheimer's or dementia or whatever,

I'll forget a lot of things,

but I will never forget

when you shot your [bleep] husband in the face

with a canon.

- Oh! - Aah!

- This b*tch c*ck back-- chh-chh--

boom!

- Oh!

- m*rder with intent.

- Oh! - Aah!

- I literally... thought he was dead.

Is he okay? - I swear to God, get away.

[chatter]

Swear to God-- no, no, get outta here.

- He was milkin' it, though.

- 'Cause you shot him in the face.

- Sorry.

- You shot me in my [bleep] face.

Do you have water? I need water.

- I felt like my husband, because I'd been like

an EMT for so many years...

- We need a medic! - Medic!

- It's fine, it's fine. - You're an EMT!

- Yeah, really... - No, for real, though.

- Spot on with your emergency medical assistance.

- Don't open your eyes. - Keep your eyes shut.

- You can't write this [bleep]!

- He was like laughing recently about it.

- You gotta laugh when your wife almost kills you.

- Oh, chill.

- Ugh.

Thanks for inviting me to the Poconos!

- He's scared. - I defended Lauren over there

because he was "h* h* h*, hee hee hee,"

about something [bleep] blue on her face.

- You have it all over your face, by the way.

- It's fine. - It's on your face.

- "Hee hee hee ha ha"...

- It's on your face! - Leave her alone.

- [laughing] It is, though.

- [Bleep] pulled the thing.

- That's why you shot him in the face?

- Yeah!

- Oh!

- So you did it on purpose? - She did do it on purpose!

I knew she did! - Lie! You--

Oh, my God! - You said you didn't

do it on purpose!

[tense music]

[laughter]

- [moans]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

- Oh, Angelina, I have a question.

- Yeah. - What made you give

that beautiful speech at my birthday?

- Don't even ask, 'cause it was bad.

[Ahem] My throat's all [bleep] up, I'm sorry.

I haven't sucked [bleep] in a while.

- What? - Oh!

- You were there!

- I don't remember, Deener!

- I was like drunk as [bleep]. - Wait.

Can you say a little bit of the speech?

I don't know what happened. - You have it still?

- Wait! - No, no, no, no.

- I'm making a microphone.

- Looks like a p*nis.

- All right, well, I'm good with that then.

Well... [all tittering]

Everyone should try the birthday cake.

It's flavor with Funfetti, vanilla frosting,

and my as*h*le.

[silence]

- This is the speech? - Yes!

- years ago, you asked if I wanted to stay

and get my a*s beat, but...

because instead of getting my a*s beat by you,

I decided to get my a*s beat by

the injections of my doctor.

I hate her.

- Get off my couch!

- All right, come sit down. We're done.

- She just rubbed her a*s and hooter everywhere.

- Cheers to the hundredth time...

- Who drank that? - You did.

- Pretty sure you drank it.

- So I'm really jealous in general

because--remember when the boys came over

when we went to D.C. and were riding all the toys?

- Oh! [laughing]

Oh, I love a horseback tour this time-a year!

- We never did that. We never came to Jenni's house

and played with her toys.

- Well, if you want to, the horses are right there.

- I wanna play with your toys! - Let's go play.

- Let's go play with the toys. - Whoo-hoo! Let's play.

- Wait, I want a horse. -Iwant a horse!

- Whaa--

Aah! - God!

Oh, my God, I get the unicorn. This is cool.

I'm stuck--oh, my God!

My dress is caught in the wheels!

I'm [bleep]! - Aah!

- She's caught in the wheel. - Help me!

[laughter]

- Get off my horse!

[laughter]

- Whee! - Move!

- I'm a stallion, b*tch.

Aah! Deena!

- You guys okay? Did you get all the energy out?

- No, we gotta chug.

- One, two, three. - No.

- Cheers to chugging. Go.

- You can't chug wine.

Oh, okay, maybe you can.

- Also, is there any unseen footage we should talk about?

- How 'bout this?

When I slapped Vincenzo in the face with a dildo.

- When? - I didn't see that.

- Did it make the show or no?

- It did. You wanna tell us? What happened.

- You smacked him-- - When was that?

- Whose dildo? - So you guys remember...

- Eew! - Your whole cookie thing?

- Yeah.

- Did anyone get

non-cookie packages?

- Yes. Who sent these?

- Me! - Angelina,

you sent me hair dye?

- I wanna show what Angelina got me,

but the kids have to leave.

- I knew you loved it.

- Oh, my gosh! - Wait--what?

- I decided to give Vinny that dildo of mine.

- That thing went inside you,

and then you shipped it to him?

- I'm dead.

[indistinct chatter]

- All right, bye!

- That was your dildo? - Yeah.

I mean, I sprayed some disinfectant.

- I've said it before, but you're a sick b*tch.

- So you gave it to him for the cookie exchange,

he took it to the Poconos...

- And he wanted to bring me to his room

to give it back to me.

- I have to give you something.

- Don't be a d*ck. - Here you go.

- I mean, did you sanitize it?

- I used it with a couple girls.

No, I'm kidding. - Ugh!

Okay, but how 'bout this, guys?

He kept it for [bleep] six months.

So he must have been enjoying it,

and when he gave it back to me he said he used it a few times.

- Rewind. - What, he used it?

- What am I supposed to do with this?

Yo, I'm gonna [bleep] beat you up.

Are you kidding me right now?

[laughing] You [bleep]!

There was this whole big thing.

It didn't make the show, I guess.

[laughing]

You [bleep]!

[Bleep] you!

- She's chasing me with a [bleep]!

♪ ♪

- Angelina has a husband

and is playing with somebody else's [bleep].

- What else is new? What else is new?

- And where was your poor husband

that was blue? - He was [bleep] blue

in the other room-- I dunno.

- Chris, here. You can use it.

- Oh, yeah.

- Go use it with him! Go use it!

- Yo!

[both laughing]

- You [bleep]!

- ♪ My baby ♪

- I was throwing it at him. - Cool.

- Yeah. It was a fun, fun day.

- Did you slap him hard in the face?

- Oh, he slapped me in the face, too, with it.

- Oh, my God. - Katie, is there any other

unseen footage that we can move on to?

- Let's take a break first. - All right, that's perfect.

- We're gonna go refill. We'll be right back, b*tches.

- Let me fill yours. Yes!

♪ Meatball ♪

♪ ♪

- I think we need food food.

- Who's hungry, 'cause I really wanna order pizzers.

- Me! - And chicken fingers,

Ms. garlic sticks. What do you guys want?

- Yes, please. - Guys, all of it.

♪ ♪

- Oh, my God. - [bleep]!

- Oh, Jenni's gonna [bleep] k*ll you.

- I did not get it on your [bleep] carpet, bro.

- Hi. How are you?

We will do a pepperoni pizza,

chicken fingers and fries,

cheese fries, garlic knots.

Thank you. - Whoo! Pizza!

- Yeah, we got food!

- Sorry. I picked it up. - Oh, good grief!

She has to Windex it, that's all.

- Oh,marrone.

- You know what I really was thinking about?

Uncle Nino in Poconos. Where the heck was he?

Did you guys get, like, extra footage of him?

- He was enjoying himself. We had a camera on him...

- Really? - The entire time.

- He just comes and goes as he pleases.

- We got it all. - He had a Speedo walking

around the whole place. - He kills me.

- Uncle Nino is just hysterical,

like you don't understand what he's saying,

but you kinda do.

- Do you know what he did to me?

He walked in a freaking confessional with me

and he would not [bleep] leave me alone.

- You gotta move over, though.

Move over.

- God bless America!

- Muah! Kisses. I love you, I love you.

You gotta go out with Grandma and [bleep].

- [laughs] - Come on now.

- She's still alive.

[offkey notes]

She's tickin'. She's takin' it well.

I feel like Vinny doesn't wanna admit it,

but that's gonna be him in like years to come.

- Oh, my God.

- Uncle Nino is here!

What's up, Uncle Nino?

People say I look like Uncle Nino.

Maybe if I died, rotted in the ground,

and became a skeleton.

[laughter] - Oh, my God!

- You wish, [bleep]!

- Uncle Nino's the one for me still.

- He's still your number one. - He's still my number one.

- Zack understands. - Yeah.

I feel like Zack gets it. - Yeah.

- He has my heart. - He's your side piece.

- He is my side piece. - He's your side piece!

- Just like Vinny is this one's side piece.

- Oh. Oh, God. No.

No.

What else can we talk about?

- How 'bout Peanut doing her business

in Pauly and Nikki's room?

Remember that? - Whoa!

- What? - Wait--it was in Pauly

and Nikki's room? - Yeah.

- I thought it was in your room!

- Why was Peanut in there that much?

- Because our rooms were connected.

- What in the--Peanut!

Poop--see how it smells?

That's poop. I think he just poops.

- Oh! - Disgust!

- Pauly died inside.

He had to have died. - No, he--

He loves-- - He loved it!

- Angelina!

Come get your dog, man. - Angelina!

- You don't get it, like Pauly

is like so OCD and very like--

everything has to be a certain way.

- Come on. - Peanut!

Why are you in their room? - Ha ha ha.

- Peanut, no! She poops everywhere.

- Oh, my God! It went doody!

- And he laughed at her [bleep]?

- I mean, Nikki was running on the chair.

She was like, "Aah!"

- No! - Oh!

Come on!

[laughter]

Deena's not getting her deposit back.

- No!

- He's so nice that he was like,

"It's okay." - Right?

- But she... - She was like, "[Bleep]!"

- Come on. We gotta go.

Sorry about this, guys. - It's okay.

- Bye. - Bye.

Ooh, gross!

Peanut!

- Between Peanut and your husband, which I saw...

- And her. - Aw, jeez.

- She's like Chris but in a dog.

- I gotta [bleep] take a [bleep].

- You're not coming in the bathroom.

- Oy. - Yo.

- Can I take a [bleep] in your bathroom?

- Toilet's clogged.

- I was still getting my clothes together

and, like, putting something on,

and literally, then he has to go to the bathroom.

Don't let him take a [bleep] in your bathroom.

He [bleep] stinks up the whole bathroom,

and I gotta get ready in the bathroom while the [bleep].

- I'm going in real quick while you're in here.

- Chris! The [bleep]!

- [laughing] Oh, my God.

- Open the door, though, at least.

- Then they're gonna get me on camera.

- [Bleep]. He's not even in here anymore--come on.

- You don't care if the camera's watching him--

your husband [bleep]? - I didn't know

they were gonna come in there.

- Come on, hold on, man.

See, they got cameras here. - Oh, it stinks already!

- Close the [bleep] door, man.

- That's so embarrassing.

- Well, you know, he doesn't think that.

I dunno.

- Ya sure?

- Come on, get outta here.

That's hairspray, idiot. - I don't care!

That's what I have. He's supposed to take pills

that he does not take, so to me

I'm like, "You're neglecting your own health."

[off-key notes]

- You are the [bleep] family.

I swear to God, you better not get a divorce.

Nobody's putting up with your [bleep], literally,

the way Chris does.

- Who farted? - I'm so sorry, guys.

Can I check my underwear?

All right, I [bleep] my pants.

- There's really [bleep] in there?

♪ ♪

Aah!

- A lotta [bleep], especially in my life,

a lotta [bleep] happens.

- Literally. - Literal [bleep].

Like literal [bleep].

- Angelina, did you poop your pants?

- No.

It was like...period [bleep].

[off-key notes]

- We like you--we're not saying we don't like you.

We just don't want you to [bleep] on us.

- To Meatballs and [bleep].

- Meatball [bleep] [laughter]

- I love it. - I'm empty again.

- Uh, well, I need some more alcohol.

- I don't know if you do!

- Girl, you're cut off. Go take a pee.

We're gonna get some drinks,

and we will be right back. - Yes!

- Meatball madness! - Yes!

[doorbell rings]

- Ooh! - Pizza!

- Yay!

- Thank you for coming. - Thank you!

- Want me to hold some stuff?

- Thank you. - I'll hold some stuff.

- Thank you. - Got it?

- You're on my-- - What do you want me--aah!

- Ooh!

- Yes!

This is a legit Meatball Day.

We made sure we had our major food groups.

[bell dinging]

- Yes, queen.

- Chicken fingers and French fries.

- Yes, queen.

- And...

And an extra plate of

French fries just in case.

- Yes, queen. - Meatballs!

- So back in the day, the special drink for meatballs

was like hard-core...

- Yes!

- Scooby Snacks!

- We used to do

funnels of soco and lime,

like funnels. - And that's the day

that I got arrested.

Get the [bleep] off. Get off.

I'm a [bleep] good person.

[laughter] - So...

we were talking about Mike's gender reveal.

- Oh! - Aah!

- Whoo!

- Oh, my God!

- He's committed. Kinda like when he

did your, uh, FBI board.

- Oh, my God. - You went to L.A.

- Angeliners has been M.I.A.

- Right. - And I'm starting to

put together the scenario.

[dramatic chords]

- He is The Investigation now.

[dramatic chords]

[siren wailing]

♪ ♪

- He's committed.

- All right, Angeliners,

the state has brought up the case about you,

which is right here.

- Oh God, with the [bleep] now.

- Mike has many, many names.

The Situation. - Yeah.

- The Mediation. - Yep.

- The Inspiration, The Designation,

the Incarceration.

- Oh,marrone. How do we even

remember all of them? - Well, here's the thing.

We went ahead and we made a board

so you guys could see all the different alter egos.

- Oh, God. - Great.

- Let's--rate them. Rate all of Mike's personas.

- I could not stand The Situation.

- The Situation was not my favorite at all.

- You're the... what's your nickname?

- The Situation. - You have to show her.

- All right, all right.

- Damn! - Yeah.

Everybody loves me. Babies, dogs.

You know, hot girls, cougars.

Moms might like The Situation too.

[laughter] You never know.

I like that, I like that. - See?

- We did not like The Situation.

- We did not like The Situation at all.

- Wait. I hated The Instigation worse.

- Yeah, that's the worst.

- Who's gonna be the bad guy?

- Situation? No problem.

- You threw a wine bottle.

- [bleep] you!

Mike the pig!

- Wow, Nicole!

- I back-fisted him.

- Oh! - Oh!

- See what I'm sayin'?

- I threw a spatula at him.

- Do some dishes. - No.

- Do some dishes. Do something!

- Shut the [bleep] up!

- The Instigation was definitely the worst.

- Yeah. - The Incarceration

was really sad. - Oh, my God.

- Reality TV star Michael Sorrentino

is to be sentenced today in Newark.

- "Jersey Shore" star Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino

sentenced to eight months in prison.

- Oh, my God.

- That was the worst. - Yeah.

- There's really nothing to say for me.

Just take me to jail.

- Oh, he looks so nervous!

I can't.

- I love The Designation.

[epic music]

- The Designation makes sure that you get home safe.

Watch your feet, watch your feet.

- I got it. - All right, all right.

- I'm drunk as [bleep], bro. - Yeah, what do you need?

- I need a responsible party to get me to the room safely.

- The Designation in the house.

- I owe you my life.

Oof.

- The Designation again.

- What's the other one?

- The Mediation. - Yep.

- My main goal to come over

was to see how you guys were going

and introduce you to my new name,

which is The Mediation.

That's my new nickname. - Did you anoint yourself that?

- Uh, kinda, yeah.

- Those girls are angry.

- I think the first thing that we should do

is spearhead this... mediation, I guess?

- The Mediation. That's a new one.

- Yeah.

- He is such...an inspiration.

The Inspiration. - There you go.

- Grant me the serenity to accept the things

I cannot change...

I've been dreaming about this day

for eight months, and walking out of prison,

I definitely feel like Rocky right now.

Head held high and hand

and finger to the sky.

- The Inspiration's the one I love the most.

- Yeah. - He is the be--

Like, that's Mike now. - Yeah.

- And now you two, you're gonna have

your first official dance together

as husband and wife.

We're gonna give you the dance floor all to yourselves.

- It says it is.

- Stop it.

- [laughing]

- We've been through a lot. - I know.

- Aah! - Oh!

[chatter, whooping]

- I love him, and he's an amazing father,

an amazing husband,

and I'm just so proud of him, honestly.

- It doesn't-- - [Bleep], marry, k*ll.

Shut up. [Bleep] marry, k*ll.

- For who? - His alter egos.

- Oh!

- I would probably marry The Inspiration,

[bleep] The Investigation,

and k*ll The Situation.

- I would never [bleep] him. - Yeah, not doing the F.

That's nasty. - Oh, my God, yeah, no.

- Moving on! - Wrong game!

- Wrong game. - Next.

- All right, let's take a break.

- I'm gonna eat more chicken fingers.

- We need more drinks. - All right, mamas,

let's get more drinks.

We'll be right back, babies!

♪ ♪

[rap music]

- I have to get a Stanley Steemer for someone.

- Really?

- You put your vag*na on my couch.

- I did not.

- Well, we have to refill. - I'm surprised

at how smooth your pours have been

after bottles.

- Judgey, judgey!

This is what she does to us, people.

This is what she does to the Meatballs always.

- Where did the term the Meatballs come from?

Was it Ron?

- He said, "You guys look like meatballs."

- Oh! - We said, "Well,

we're meatballs!"

- I said, "You know what? I love [bleep] meatballs.

I'll be a meatball." - Yeah.

I feel like to be a Meatball

obviously, you wanna, like, have fun and do your drinks.

- You gotta hold your own with the alcohol.

- You gotta hold your own with the drinks.

- Cheers! [overlapping cheers, chatter]

- Did you just have a orgasm? 'Cause I did.

- Always wanna have a good time.

- Yeah.

- Don't give a [bleep] about what anybody thinks about you.

The Meatballs can throw a party

at any boring restaurant, even if it's a.m.

Aah!

- Meatballs are a good frickin' time.

- Great time. - We're always a good time.

- It's when they turn

that it gets a little cray.

- Where's the beach?

- No, I don't wanna be stopping here. No.

- Ooh!

- Anybody can be a Meatball. - Anybody can be a Meatball.

- I can [bleep] knock someone out,

even though I'm small. - I get it.

Meatball problems.

I love making out.

Raaah!

Whoo! Yes!

Do you wanna be a Meatball?

Whoo hoo hoo!

I'm a mess.

Like, a Meatball doesn't mean

just 'cause we're short and curvy.

It's an entire personality thing.

Meatballs!

[all whooping]

Do you guys wanna know what Jenni is in my phone?

She is Jenni [bleep]

because she is the p*nis to our ba*ls.

- Jenni is the [bleep] to the Meatballs.

So now you can be the an*s.

- You wanna be the an*s to our Meatballs?

- I wanna be the an*s! - I'm the [bleep] ba*ls...

- ba*ls...an*s!

- Angelina an*s. I'm--

[laughter]

I'm renaming her in my phone.

- So, being this is a Meatball Day,

I kinda wanna go through our favorite Meatball Days.

- I've never been able to experience a Meatball Day,

'cause I can't day drink.

- No, you did something with us, no?

- No, you did a Miami with her when I died.

- Does anybody wanna go to Palace?

Let's do this.

- Oh, yeah! You did have a Meatball Day!

♪ ♪

- Oh! - Yay!

♪ ♪

- Then I ended up on "TMZ."

- So... [laughter]

well, my favorite Meatball Day

was in Italy, we stayed out all night...

- I don't even know what time it is.

I feel like it's early... [hiccup]

because the sun's up.

- Can you go out again?

- Dude, we can k*ll it right now.

- We didn't even wake up. - No, we didn't go to sleep.

We got dressed and went to brunch.

- And then we went to brunch.

You look like a hooker. So do I.

You wish you looked like this at : in the morning.

- We're not hookers. We're just from Jersey.

- We're having a good time.

People power. - People power.

I'm drunk. - Oh, I know.

- Can I just sleep for two seconds?

[murmuring] Then we'll go play.

- [murmuring] I'll just hang out...

- But I feel like you had a Meatball Day with us

when you came to Miami.

- I actually got you guys out

for the first time when I saw you guys...

- Yes! - In seven years.

- We gave you a Meatball trial. - Yes!

- How 'bout we bring Angelina with us...

- No. No. - For Meatball Day.

- No, I'm not going then. - This is her test.

If you don't like her after today,

then Pauly tells her she's gotta leave.

How 'bout that?

- I felt like I was in like--

not gonna say like a [bleep] g*ng, but like...

- Don't say that! - Like a sorority.

It ain't easy. - Just a Meatball g*ng.

- You were being hazed. - The sorority/Meatball g*ng.

- I mean, that's what happens.

- Can we get this girl a shot?

It's like initiation!

- Peace on Earth!

- Whoo!

- Eew. Eew. I hate this so much.

- But then I remember you guys were doing something weird,

and I was like... - Get outta here.

- My boobs are real, right? Feel them.

- This one. - Oh, she's ready.

- Oh! - Oh, she's touching them.

She's sight phony. - Stop!

- Now she's happy.

- Come on!

Then I tap 'em. Her t*ts.

- Even for a Meatball,

I thought you guys were being weird.

[chatter]

- Oh, my God!

- We should go home. Let's go home.

- I actually like you. I do like you.

- I'm normal, I'm normal. - Yeah, I had fun with you.

- Cheers to Meatball Day.

This has been so amazing. - Cheers!

- I'm so glad we're hanging out.

- Same! - Honestly, this is like

the best day ever.

- ♪ Get it, get it papa girl ♪

♪ Get it, papa girl ♪

- Drink, drink, drink, drink!

- Now it's time. - Now you're allowed.

- Come on, Katie.

- Chug it!

- Cheers, mama!

- Cheers! - Whoo!

- All right, now you gotta chug.

- Chug it... - Chug it.

Chug, chug, chug, chug! - Peer pressure!

- Are we seven? Chug! - She's not drinking.

- I know, I actually can't drink it.

- Boo!

- Who's gonna see?

- "Who's gonna see?"

- Well, on that note,

I feel like we covered all bases of this season.

- We covered a lot more than that.

- And I feel like we should be giving the viewers

a sneak peek of next season.

- Yeah! - Buckle up, b*tches.

- It gets even better.

We have a wedding!

- Yes! - Babies!

- This is Cameron. He's a little fussy.

Oh, he's spitting up. - I don't care.

- Babies! - Leaving Baby Cameron,

and me being far from home. - We meet Cameron and Romeo.

- Look at this man. Look at this man.

We're gonna do squatters together.

Come on.

'Cause I'm officially Big Daddy sis right now.

- Angeliners? - Maybe freezing my eggs.

We'll see.

- Freezing your eggs. - Yay!

- Are you gonna have kids though?

- I mean, I would like to...

- Have a marriage first?

- I love that. - So cheers to next season.

Thank you for watching, mamas.

- Thank you! - Cheers.

Thank you. - My God.

- Get outta here. Move!

I'm taking the pizza. Thank you.

- Bye. - Thanks, Jenni!

- Yep. Bye. - Bye.

- Ow! - I need help!

- Aah!

You ran over my [bleep] foot.

Are you okay? Like, are you really okay?

- [strained] I'm fine. - Keep going.

- She's like, "You should go now--keep going."

- Like, what is that? Did you piss my couch?

- Oh, my-- - Look at that!

Deena look at this.

She straight up peed my couch.

- Who? - Swear to God.

- [bleep] liar. - What is that?

- I don't know what that is.

[overlapping chatter]

- Underneath me. - Never again.

- I'm embarrassed. - I'm sad.

- Dirty a*s.