03x28 - The Speech, Part 1

[bunniefuu]

- She doesn't take herself seriously,

which I love about her.

We are in Angelina's wedding.

We kind of want to say a little something at the wedding.

- You are the fly to my [bleep].

- We're always roasting each other,

and being sarcastic with each other.

- You are the dump to my Island.

- Yes, she's gonna crack up.

- Today is my wedding day.

[all cheering]

- Grandma! Did you hex her?

- Grandma's got me shook.

- She's a white witch of God.

- You have to say it out loud?

- Oh! Just kidding!

- This is so crazy.

- [exhales] - Is he gonna cry?

I just love the first look.

It's, like, probably one of my favorite moments in a wedding.

- Show your t*ts!

- Sorry, Mom.

- ♪ Get crazy, get wild

♪ Let's party, get loud - Yeah, buddy!

- ♪ If you want to have fun, then do something ♪

- Party's here!

- The Situation is under construction.

- This might not have been the best idea.

- We're so classy now.

- On the seventh day, it'll be lit.

- Get the frig out of here, you crazy!

- Um, hello?

- ♪ If you want to have fun, then do something crazy ♪

- ♪ 'Cause I may never

♪ Get this chance again

- All right, ready? - Yeah.

- I want to see the first look.

- ♪ I hope, I hope

- Is he seeing her? Oh, my God, stop.

- You look gorgeous!

- Show your t*ts!

- [laughs] [all cheering]

- ♪ You know when you were right ♪

♪ And the reason why I can't see ♪

[all cheering]

♪ To a place that I can't reach ♪

♪ And I can't wait...

- Is he crying?

- What's the matter?

[indistinct chatter]

- [exhales sharply]

- He cried.

both: She cried.

- I never cry. [sniffles]

- Today is finally the wedding day.

Angelina just had her first look.

- We got to go to the front. - Okay.

- And you could just tell how much he loves her,

- and that makes me happy. - Yes.

- Chris, did you have fun? - Yeah.

- I love them.

- It just all makes sense why these two are meant to be.

- You didn't do first look.

- No, but I feel like when me and Jionni got married,

it wasn't like a big thing.

- I love the first look, 'cause then we got to get

our pictures out of the way.

[warm music]

- You had your moment.

- Yeah, I cried, he cried.

- Did you make out or just kiss?

- We made out. - Sick!

- They still make out.

- I haven't made out in so long.

- We get home from the rehearsal last night,

'cause we were both drinking, and I was exhausted.

And the baby was-- - Did he want to get it in?

- The baby was still downstairs with my mother-in-law,

and he goes, "You want to play before she goes?"

- Ooh! - Oh, he says "play"?

So does Jionni.

- And I'm like, "I'm sorry. I'm exhausted."

[laughs] I was too tired.

- Welcome to marriage. - I was too tired.

- Just roll over.

- I was too exhausted.

- Yeah, just stick it in.

Are you gonna do that with Paulie later?

- Yeah, she's gonna say, "Stick it in, Paul!"

- Why are all these cars, like, in the [bleep] shot right now?

I don't understand this right now.

Like, what the [bleep]? I can't.

- Hey, yo, yo, how you making out?

- Yo. - Looking good, brother?

Cleans up nice. - Everybody's looking fly.

Hopefully they gave me the right size on this [bleep].

Damn.

- I say you just rock it like that.

- Oh, damn. Oh, damn.

- Okay, okay. Thank you.

Damn, without Paulie, man, it'd be all over for me.

[laughs]

All right, we calling the girls to--

- Are they on time or what? - No way they're ready.

- Look pretty.

- [speaking Italian] - Hi!

- Hi, ladies.

- Thank you.

- You guys almost ready?

- Yeah, we're ready. - We've been ready.

- Wait, why are you-- Oh, my God.

I thought Mike was wearing a white suit.

- Yeah, I was like, are you marrying Angelina?

- No, Vinny is.

[both laughing] - All right, we're gonna

head over there and see you guys.

- See you in a little bit. - Way to go, Paulie.

- ♪ We be fly from the air

- Uh...

- I'll go around the other side.

Always an issue.

- ♪ We be fly from the air

- I love dirty little weddings this time of year!

- All right, [bleep] do!

- ♪ We be fly from the air

- Stop screaming in my ear.

- My God...

- I swear to God, stop screaming in my ear.

Stop screaming in my ear.

Just shut the [bleep] up.

Just give me five minutes of peace.

[sighs]

[upbeat music]

- It's very cold out here. Holy [bleep].

I need my makeup artist, though,

'cause I feel my nose is [bleep] like Rudolph.

[bleep], is my nose really red?

- Mm-hmm. - [bleep].

I need my makeup artist really quick.

I don't know why she wasn't out here.

[bleep], man. [bleep].

My nose is all red, right? - I'll do the other side.

- It's 'cause it's cold. - It's gonna be red

for every single picture now. - No.

- Almost time.

- Yes.

You know, Angelina's grandma didn't say

she put a hex on me...

I'll be honest--I was afraid you put a hex on me.

[laughter]

She's doing something.

- Ooh, blue cheese olives!

- This is how I blacked out last night.

- Yay.

- I can't black out at this wedding.

[eerie music]

- Oh, my God.

I got an olive on me.

- See? Grandma's looking out for the meatballs.

- [bleep] off. - Thank you.

[object clatters] - [yells]

- Deena! - My God.

We can't take pictures.

- Oh, my God. - [bleep].

- Look! - I forgot about the pictures.

- Okay.

- Everybody, calm down. We need a blow dryer.

[dryer blowing] - I can't.

- We're a [bleep] hot mess express.

- All right, where's... - You can't really see it.

- I think I'm good now.

- No, I'm good.

[gasps]

- Oh, my...

- Help!

Help!

- Again? [both laughing]

You guys are not allowed to drink no more.

- What is happening today?

- I really need you on the stairs.

- They're waiting on us.

The universe doesn't want us to get over there.

- [vocalizing]

[upbeat music]

♪

- Can't believe she's getting married.

- Who's gonna walk her down the aisle?

Vinny? Huh? [both laughing]

- That's a good one. [both laughing]

- High five. That's a good one, right?

That's a good one. I just thought of that.

- Feel like it's a Staten Island thing.

Like, everybody in Staten Island,

they go to weddings every single weekend.

- Yeah, everyone goes and gets married in Staten Island.

It's, like, literally the course of events.

It's, like, you become a sanitation worker, FDNY, cop.

Girls become nurses or hairdressers.

You get married. You have a couple kids.

You move to Jersey, get divorced.

[laughter]

- ♪ Workin', workin', workin' ♪

♪ Workin', workin', workin'

♪ Workin', workin', workin'

- I saw you cry! I didn't know you cried.

- I love it. - And he cried.

- Flowers up, flowers up.

- He did. He cried.

The way he looks at you, he loves you so much.

- I know. He cried. - He loves you.

- Are you wearing underwear?

- No. - You're not?

- No. I can't wear underwear with this dress.

- Ladies, right here.

- Hey, b*tches!

- ♪ Kushed out, look like I got pink eye ♪

- That looks nice with the lights.

- Wow. About to go to my high-school reunion right now.

- Um, hello! I'm getting married!

It's a dirty little wedding.

- Shut up. - Do you object, Vinny?

- We're in a classy place. Stop.

- That hasn't stopped me before.

- Hey, guys.

- Look at that bride. - Oh, my goodness.

- Oh, Vinny. - Angelina.

Angelina, you look beautiful. - Thank you.

This is what a woman looks like, Vinny.

[crowd oohs]

Just saying.

- The saddest you've looked since you haven't eaten carbs.

- Every part of my soul hates to admit this,

but Angelina actually looks pretty tonight.

- Look at that dress, huh? - What do you think?

- Beautiful. - She looks okay.

- She looks stunning. - Vinny!

He's such a-- - Angelina, you look stunning.

- He is such a hater. - You look stunning.

- Give me a break, Vinny. Deep down, in your soul,

grab it, take it out, and be like,

"I wish I would be marrying Angelina."

You know I look [bleep] slamming right now.

- Smell good.

- Just be careful with that dress--it's expensive.

Oh! - I'll catch your bouquet.

- Here. - Stop flirting with me.

- Ooh, they smell nice. - It's your wedding.

Stop flirting. - You guys want to go get--

- Angelina, I'll smack you in your wedding dress.

- Dude, I'll [bleep]-- - Stop.

- Ladies and gentlemen, before we continue,

I must ask if anyone objects

to the marriage of Angelina and Christopher.

- Watching Angelina in her dress looking so beautiful...

[dramatic music]

- Awkward.

- Are you guys nervous about giving the speech?

- Um, no.

- I would like to call up Nicole, Deena, and Jenni.

- Let's go, girls.

♪

[crowd booing]

- Joking. Joking.

[booing continues]

- Ron, Ron, protect us! Ron!

- Paulie, Vinny, please protect us.

- ♪ Girl, girl, girl

♪ Girl, girl, girl, girl

[overlapping chatter]

- What's up, my friend? - How you doing?

Didn't get to see you last time.

- Did somebody eat one of my olives?

- Got blue cheese olives? - You did.

- ♪ Girl, girl, girl

- All right. - All right, thanks, thanks.

- I didn't ask you to be in it.

- I know, I know. - I originally

thought this wedding was gonna be at Jenks,

so I am impressed.

- He's gonna use a prop. [laughs]

- Yeah, she's got good angles, man.

- You know, you got everyone here.

The valet's packed, people in tuxedos

serving champagne, and flowers.

- You look like you're a politician right now.

- Damn. Am I in the wrong place?

- Yeah. - They're cute.

- So cute.

- I got to take a [bleep] piss,

and I got to eat and a glass of wine.

Driver, how far are we, driver?

- Stop screaming. - [mumbles]

- Think he's deaf?Sorry.

Oh, Park Chateau.

- Party's here. Party's here!

- I'm not driving back with you.

- Party's here!

- I swear to God. I'm not driving back with you.

- ♪ No violations, only good vibrations ♪

♪ I'm the voice of my nation

[overlapping chatter]

♪ Sorry to keep y'all waiting ♪

- [laughs] - Nino.

- Chris, there you are.

- We have to go upstairs real quick.

- Hello, girlfriend. - Hola.

- Sit your asses down, ladies.

It means so much to me to have these girls by my side,

because let's be realistic-- we were not in a good place

for so many years.

- Wait, what is going on over here?

- I got this for you guys.

- Is that for my birthday?

- b*tch, no. - Oh, my God.

- If you would've told me that you guys

were gonna be my bridesmaids eight years ago,

I would've said you're lying.

- Same. - Eight days ago.

- We feel the same.

- Want to get your a*s beat, you can stay,

get your a*s beat.

You can stay, get your [bleep] a*s beat.

- Okay. [all yelling]

- Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!

- I don't want to sleep on this bed.

- All right, no one's saying you have to!

- Yes, you guys are-- - No one's saying--Angelina--

- You're stressing the pregnant woman out.

- I've changed so much. I think they've changed.

- I might like it. - Let's try.

- Oh, my God, I'm separating your car seats, dicks.

[loud pop] - Oh!

- Yes! - Whoo!

- Here's top your last night in Las Vegas.

- Yes. And our new friendship.

- Yes. [all screaming]

And I'm excited that they're gonna be up there

with me when I get married.

Now, I want you guys to all open it up together.

- Oh, I love it. - Ready? One...

all: Two, three.

Ooh!

- But read the bottle of wine. - Oh, it says our names.

- "Never to be used as a weapon.:

- Jenni, just stop! - Swear to [bleep] God.

- Enough, enough, [bleep] enough.

Oh, I like it.

- And all of our names are on it.

- [grunts] - Do not!

[laughs]

when we all hang out, we all have our own cups.

all: Aww. - Love it.

- Angelina and I, we are like fire and ice,

oil and water.

- Couldn't you make me a drink? - No, b*tch.

I'm not making you a drink. - b*tch.

- Yeah.

I'm not making you a drink, no. - That's not cool.

I'm a wh*re?

- Well, you act like a [bleep] wh*re.

Now you're just being an a*s because--

- No, I'm not. - Yeah, you are.

- You're being an a*s to him.

- I'm not being an a*s to him. - That's when I step in.

But through all the ups and downs,

I love her.

Let's go. - [bleep].

What? - Wake up.

Whoa. - Mom in full effect.

I feel like you're my mom right now, but I love it.

- Chris, it's Jenni. I know you truly love her.

She truly loves you.

Truly, she's not doing anything malicious here.

- I'm happy you're gonna be my bridesmaid.

- Again? - Again.

We finally faced you.

These are our cups forever. - Oh, I love it.

- This is probably the nicest thing

Angelina's ever done for us.

- Cheers to forever friendship.

- That's what you got videographers are for.

- To Angelina and Chris, you b*tch.

- Cheers! I'm getting married, b*tches!

Getting married!

This is one day I got to be classy.

- Don't get too, too drunk.

You want to remember the entire day.

- [burps] Excuse me.

[upbeat music]

[man vocalizing]

- How long has it been since your last confession?

- He knows, he knows. [laughter]

- You're not supposed to ask that.

♪

- Are you stripping tonight?

- Yeah, but, like, in her room after the wedding.

- Whoa.

- Hello. - Hi! How are you?

- Good. You're sweet.

- You're sweet. - Aww.

- You should. Get in the party.

- Look at Nino hitting on that chick

in front of the priest.

- Oh, man. - He's on fire tonight.

- I wonder how many Our Fathers you got to do for that.

- Yeah. - [gibbers]

- Uncle Nino, sit down.

- Want to walk down with us?

Here. Hold my flower.

- I strive to be that guy one day.

He's awesome.

- Mwah. [chuckles]

Take your flowers.

- Is Uncle Nino behaving?

- He's hitting on somebody in front of the priest.

- Father Giuseppi...

- God is always looking.

- This is what he lives for, bro.

[sighs]

I don't know how I'm related to him.

Uncle Nino, you know,

is like an official wedding crasher.

- It's the God of absolution and resurrection.

- Like a homeless person that just goes to weddings,

gets open bar,

all the wine he can drink, food,

single women.

- Okay, guys.

- Oh, my God.

I'm getting nervous. - All right, don't get nervous.

- I'm getting nervous.

It's just, like, overwhelming.

Wait, we didn't put the garter.

But I'm ready to walk down the aisle with Chris.

- Deener, which side is the garter?

- Head to the chapel, guys, before we're late.

[upbeat music]

- We have eight minutes, exactly eight minutes,

she's walking down the aisle. - Perfect.

- Ooh! - Oh, my God.

I almost forget my flowers.

♪

You ready?

- ♪ Feels like magic

♪

- Bless the martinis. - Amen.

- Uncle Nino! - What the [bleep]?

- Nino! [all shouting]

- ♪ Oh, feels like magic - Thank you.

- ♪ Feels like love

♪ Feels like magic

- Are you nervous? - Yeah, a little bit.

- It's... - Had a lot of champagne.

- I always cry at weddings. I always cry.

- Do you have champagne in there?

I'm nervous. Oh, my God.

- We'll get you champagne downstairs.

- Downstairs? - Yes.

- ♪ Only bounce to the upbeat ♪

- Oh, my God. [all cheering]

- It's that time!

- Yes.

Here I was.

I never, ever thought I was gonna get married.

Now look at this.

It's pretty full. - Oh, my God, oh, my God,

oh, my God, oh, my God.

♪

[laughs] [all cheering]

Oh, my God.

Like...

I can't believe it. It's just so crazy to me.

I'm, like, nervous.

- Take all three. - Attagirl!

[heartwarming music]

♪

- Oh, it's happening. It's happening.

- It's happening, b*tch.

[cheers and applause]

- I thought that there was never gonna be a guy

that would marry Angelina, but I'm, like, happy for her.

Chris is a cool, cool guy.

- Good luck, Ang.

Tonight is the perfect night.

It's all about love and happiness.

I really, really hope she has an amazing weeding

because her and Chris deserve it.

[cheers and applause]

[soft music]

♪

- ♪ They say

♪ Your heart speeds up

♪ And the world slows down

♪ They say that things rise... ♪

- Breathe for me. [inhales deeply]

[exhales sharply]Got it.

- I'm ready to walk down aisle with Chris,

and...

I'm getting married.

♪

Okay. - Here we go.

- ♪ Found the one

[dreamy electronic music]

- Oh, it's happening.

It's happening. - It's happening, b*tch.

Good luck, Ang.

[laughs]

- Let's go, girl. Come on.

- [titters]

[heartfelt music]

♪

- Every girl dreams about this moment in her life.

- ♪ Been holding out this long ♪

- That man has stood by my side

from day [bleep] one.

- Ready?

Breathe. Breathe for me.

♪

- I could just be myself in front of him,

and he still loves me the same.

Chris just accepts me no matter what.

I'm finally getting married to such a great man.

I cannot wait.

♪

- Here we go.

♪

[warm music]

♪

- ♪ It's one step at a time

♪

♪ Too much for your mind

- I can't believe Chris is crying right now.

I absolutely adore him. It's so perfect.

♪

- ♪ There's no need to analyze ♪

- Angelina looks stunning tonight.

[cheers and applause]

- Finally, the moment's here,

and Angelina is walking down the aisle,

and she looks beautiful.

She's like a floating angel,

you know, coming down to Chris.

[cheers and applause]

- ♪ Don't step into

- Chris definitely loves Angelina.

You can just see the way he's looking at her

at the altar and she's looking at him.

It's like true love.

- ♪ 'Cause we can shine

♪ Like diamonds

♪

- Angelina!

- Who has the honor to present this woman

to be married to this man?

- We do. - We do.

- We do. - We do.

- We do. [laughter]

- Now it's unanimous.

Ladies and gentlemen, before we continue,

I must ask if anyone objects

to the marriage of Angelina and Christopher

that you know speak it or forever hold your peace.

[soft music]

- Watching Angelina in her dress,

looking so beautiful, like, that could've been me.

- ♪ Just staring at

♪ I'm staring at a miracle

- I hate having this girl here.

- If you don't like me, my question to you

is, why did you bang me, then?

You literally want to marry me.

- Yes, I want to marry you. You've solved the code.

Now can we please--

Just never talk to me again. - We solved the code.

♪

- Shut up. - Doing okay.

Keep our fingers crossed.

- I'm just, like, thinking to myself, like...

- [laughs]

- This guy.

- "Did I leave my iron on?"

[upbeat music]

Chairs are uncomfortable. [laughter]

- Awkward!

[laughter]

- The couple did a very beautiful homework assignment,

and it was to share with me

so I could share with all of you

the things that they love about each other.

Chris was very short and sweet and perfect.

"What I love about Angelina

"is her beautiful and fun sense of humor.

"She always, always makes me smile and laugh.

"I love her kindness,

"the side that most people do not get to see,

"a gentle and beautiful side

that touches my heart each and every day."

- ♪ To me, you are perfect ♪

♪

- Oh, Ang.

- Having a father that was never in my life

and seeing my mom go through a lot of [bleep]...

- Chris, this is what Angelina said about you.

"Christopher is my best friend."

- I was very hesitant with men in my life

and trusting people

and basically choosing guys

that were kind of like my father.

Chris is not like my father at all.

- "He makes me laugh mostly because he's so goofy."

- [laughs]

We're just jokesters.

- Can she stick her a*s in the fountain?

Oh, he said no. Too classy.

Wait till our wedding.

Our wedding's gonna be asses everywhere.

- Chris doesn't try to change me,

which is amazing, 'cause every single guy

in my entire life up till Chris

has tried to change me.

- We're together -,

and we're, like, best friends,

and it's like, everything we do, we just get each other.

We do love each other.

- Chris is the first man

that has treated me the way that I should be treated,

and that means so much to me.

- Those of you that are married

may wish to silently renew your own vows

and hold hands while doing so.

I, Christopher...

- I, Christopher...

- Take you, Angelina...

- Take you, Angelina...

- To be my wife. - To be my wife.

- Chris gets Angelina.

Chris knows how to calm Angelina down.

They're literally best friends.

- I, Angelina... - Take you, Christopher...

- Take you, Christopher... - To be my husband.

- To be my husband.

- Honestly, I think Chris is the only guy

that would put up with Angelina,

which is like all of us.

Nobody would put up with me. Thank God I have Jionni.

- May I have the rings, please?

Little holy water never hurts.

[laughter]

Angelina, I give you this ring...

- Angelina, I give you this ring...

- As a symbol... - As a symbol...

- Of my love... - Of my love...

- And faithfulness... - And faithfulness...

- To you... - To you...

- Today... - Today...

- Tomorrow... - Tomorrow...

- And always. - And always.

- Having the ring put on my finger,

it's like, "Oh, my God."

Like, this is real.

- Christopher, I give you this ring...

- Christopher, I give you this ring...

- As a symbol... - As a symbol...

- Of my love... - Of my love...

- And faithfulness... - And faithfulness...

- To you... - To you...

- Today... - Today...

- Tomorrow... - Tomorrow...

- And always. - And always.

♪

I have never loved him more than I love him right now.

It just feels so nice, like, that I have him

right next to me.

Feel the love in his eyes. I see the love in his eyes.

And, like, I'm about to be a bride.

I mean, I'm about to be a wife.

[bleep].

- It is my legal right as a minister,

but truly and thankfully is my greatest joy as a priest,

to now declare you both husband and wife.

Chris, you may kiss-- [cheers and applause]

[inspiring music]

♪

- I'm officially, officially off the market.

Like, there's no, like, "Oh, is she getting married?

Oh, I don't know."

No, I'm [bleep] married, b*tches!

♪

- ♪ And you belong

♪ With me

- It is my legal right as a minister

to now declare you both husband and wife.

Chris, you may kiss-- [cheers and applause]

- ♪ And you belong

- Well, there she goes. You [bleep] up.

Could've been you. - Too late, too late.

- That could've been you. - Too late now.

- Could've been you.

♪

Are you gonna be okay? - Yeah.

- You good? - I'm good, bud.

- You sure? - Yeah.

- All right, bro. - All right.

- That was the best ceremony I've ever been a part of.

- Thanks.

- It was just so funny-- every time somebody

walked down the aisle, I was like, "Yay!"

I was like, "What's happening?"

Since I've known Angelina, I've never seen her

this happy and glowing.

She found her happiness with Chris.

- All right, now you can get drunk.

I'm here for a good time, so pop the frickin' champagne,

and let's get this party started.

[all cheering]

[upbeat music]

- Oh, it's beautiful, honey.

I want to take some photos out here.

- It's amazing!

Married!

- No, I don't drink. I don't drink.

I don't drink. Oh, red wine?

- Thank you.

- You guys have a few minutes alone.

- Let's take the veil off.

We already walked down the aisle,

and I'm finally sitting down with my husband

for the first time having our c*ck hour

together as a husband and wife.

Now I'm getting drunk. It feels amazing.

- Slow down. - I'm...whatever.

It's my wedding night, b*tch.

- [laughs]

- [laughs]

- Angelina is married. It is official.

It is time to party it up at c*ck hour.

- Reserved table that a-way, sir.

- Oh!

BDS loves his foods, and there's tons of it.

Ooh! Today's my cheat day.

Yo, I'm gonna have to eat right now, man.

I'm gonna have to eat.

Is that pasta and butter?

- This is your sushi, little bit of mozzarella.

This is your calamari.

- I feel like [bleep] every single food

that is ever made on this planet

is at our wedding right now. - Got to pace myself.

We got real food coming out, too, you know?

This is c*ck hour. - Real food?

- This is c*ck hour. - Oh.

You have food at a c*ck hour.

You have food at dinner. You have food after dinner.

Literally, every single minute,

there's food at an Italian wedding.

- There's a seafood room in there.

- Italians love food.

There's lobster, too, right? - And tails.

- That's just how we roll.

That's how we're always gonna roll.

- What is that?

All right, thank you.

There are so many spreads

and dishes and appetizers and pasta.

This is a good situation.

I need to get some more plates.

- Put them here, all three of them.

- That's your chicken and shrimp kebab.

- Go, go, go. Go, go, go.

- You have your...

[electronic music]

- Keto Guido at weddings goes crazy.

I'm talking about pasta, bread,

fried food, fried calamari,

baked clams-- I'm eating all of it.

- What is that? - It's chicken and waffles.

- This is the perfect time to be Italian right now.

%.

♪

- Oh, my God.

- No!

Honey.

- ♪ Meet me by the water

- I texted you yesterday. Did you get the photos?

- I did. - All right.

- Father Giuseppi, you're the best!

♪

- ♪ And we'll stay up till morning ♪

[dramatic music]

- Angelina's grandma, she's just staring,

and I actually think in her mind right now,

she's giving another curse.

What did you feel with them? I saw you looking.

- If you don't take your eyes off me--

- No, I don't. - [laughs]

- She's obsessed with you. - I am.

I saw you looking.

You weren't happy either.

- Shut up. - [shrieks]

She just told me to shut up.

- I honestly like Angelina's grandma.

She's a witch. I just think it's so cool.

Like, I always wanted to be a witch and do spells.

- The hex is back on. Grandma told me to shut up.

- Jenni's a little scared of Grandma.

I'm like, "b*tch, relax.

You're fine."

- She goes, "Shut up."

And I was like... [groans]

[hip-hop music]

- You should've just left her alone.

- ♪ When you see me, better go bye-bye ♪

- ♪ It's the takeover

- ♪ What? - ♪ Takeover, takeover

♪ Takeover

- Jennifer Farley.

I'm Jenni. Rude.

- ♪ We taking over - ♪ Takeover

♪ Takeover

- ♪ We taking over - ♪ Takeover

♪ Takeover

- Like a million [bleep] bucks.

Like a million bucks.

- Lawrence, I found out where you put the card at.

- At Italian weddings, there's no gift table.

There's no registry.

At an Italian wedding, there's a box

where you put cash in an envelope.

That's your gift. Leave the gifts at home.

You're at an Italian wedding now.

- Honey, put it in.

[dramatic music]

- I don't know how hexes work.

I don't know how witches work.

I don't know if I need holy water...

Harry Potter...

♪

[bleep].

Or a priest or somebody.

[angelic music]

♪

I need a--I have a huge favor.

See that woman over there in the dark blue dress?

She might've put a hex on me.

- What's it, now?

- Yeah, sitting down. So what I need you to do

is as another Staten Island person...

- [laughs] - Is to remove that hex,

because [bleep] is getting weird.

Uncle Nino and me have, like, a thing.

I love him dearly, and because of that,

I'm gonna use him.

- I'll take care of it. - Thank you.

And then you're gonna be my date for the night.

- Mwah.

- I mean, I totally [bleep] make out with Uncle Nino

if he gets this curse off of me.

I love you.

No problem. Bring it in.

Don't die.

- Hi, Annie! I need something from you.

I need something from you, Annie.

Me and you, we have a dance tonight.

One dance tonight.

- One dance. - I'm with a date, though.

I'm with a date. We'll have a dance.

But I'm with a date. I'm with a date.

I'm with my date, Jenni, and...

She got married, divorced,

and then a boyfriend,

and then I'm back in the picture.

- Watching Uncle Nino with Grandma,

they're like two buddies hanging out.

- Okay? - Oh, yeah.

- Mm...

Mwah.

- I think I'm good.

- Jenni, fixed it!

- I love you, Uncle Nino.

- Mwah.

- Chris, I [bleep] in my pants the minute I said, "I do."

- Me too.

[electronic pop music]

- ♪ Do you really want to get together? ♪

♪

♪ I know I got a few things to say ♪

- Hello, gentlemen. Meet my boyfriend.

- Pleasure. Talking to my girl.

Things are gonna happen. They're gonna happen.

Next wedding party, next wedding party,

right here, right here.

- I'll be there.

- I need one more.

Look, look, she's--my biggest boot.

Wait, wait, wait.

- [laughs]

I think I'm gonna be Uncle Nino when I get older.

- Uncle Nino, stop.

- Uncle Nino totally has one up on Paulie right now.

The attention that he's giving me,

that he's, like, loving me,

and he got the hex off me.

- That made my night, my week,

my month, my year.

- Like, see, Paulie? This is what it takes.

- ? He's out, he's out.

- Better hurry up. We'll make it quick.

- What? What'd I miss?

[both laughing]

[man vocalizing]

- ♪ Today is player perfect

♪ As long as I'm not working

- Want to go downstairs?

All right. - Want to go now? Let's go now.

- ♪ Five, six, seven, eight

- We're at table three?

- Got to hurry.

- I go to you, and I go...

[gibbers] And then you jump over me.

I'm, like, actually super excited.

Throw it.

Oh, hut, hut. Hike!

The bridal party entrance at an Italian wedding

is such a huge thing,

and the meatballs are just the life of the party always.

- Ours is the best.

- We're honestly gonna make this wedding

the best time.

- Ladies and gentlemen, please put your hands together.

♪

[applause]

- That was awful.

[upbeat electronic music]

[cheers and applause]

- Deener and Chris!

- Oh, God! - She cheated.

[laughter] She cheated.

- Oh!

- Calm down. - Just joking.

- Houston...

[all booing]

We got a situation.

[booing continues]

[dramatic music]

- ♪ Give me all you got,

♪ Just can't get enough, don't fight it ♪

- Hut!

- Boo!

- Oh, God! [laughter]

[overlapping chatter]

I can't.

- What the [bleep]?

- I know you're not walking in there

with gum in your mouth. - No, I'm not.

- It is my pleasure to introduce to you

for the first time as husband and wife...

[cheers and applause]

- Give me your gum. Spit it out.

- Puts your hands together for the new

Mr. and Mrs. Angelina and Christopher Larangeira!

[cheers and applause]

♪

[cheers and applause]

- I think they're gonna dance for the first time

as husband and wife.

[heartwarming music]

- ♪ Lovely

- I feel like I'm a princess that just married her prince.

- ♪ I just want you, you, you ♪

♪

♪ And there ain't no other man ♪

♪ That can do

♪

- Angelina and Chris right now

sharing their first dance as a married couple,

holy [bleep], I never thought we'd be here.

And it looks good. It's not awkward.

[music winds down]

[mellow music]

♪

- You okay, buddy? - Yeah, I'm all right.

- I'm here for you if you want to talk.

- Thank you, thank you.

♪

- More like the Rob Kardashian of Staten Island,

you ugly b*tch. - Shut up!

Yeah, what, did you grow ba*ls now?

- Ronnie, check this out, bro.

- I turn around, and I'm like, "Oh, [bleep]."

Wait a second, is [bleep] Vinny hooking--

These two people, they hate each other.

Go figure.

- Me and Angelina need some privacy.

- All right, bro. - Oh, my God, Vinny.

Are you crazy right now?

- ♪ And we love that

♪

♪ You tell me that it's all right ♪

- Open the door if you got ba*ls.

- You're gonna break the door. You're gonna break the door.

[all screaming]

Don't [bleep] swing at me.

- I'm not.

♪

- ♪ We don't understand, you say... ♪

- So cool.

♪

- My God.

- This is awesome! - [screams]

- This is awesome! - [screaming]

- ♪ Together on love

- ♪ When I taste tequila - ♪ Whoo, ooh-ooh

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh

- Yes!

- ♪ Let's stay together on love ♪

[shouting]

- One more time, put your hands together

for Angelina and Christopher

on their wedding night!

- ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh

[cheers and applause]

- At this time, everybody, please kindly find your seats.

I'm getting ready for some toasts here this evening.

- Are you guys nervous about giving the speech?

- Um, no.

- All right, what are you gonna say?

You're just gonna read your paper and do it?

- Gonna read my paper. It's gonna be funny--

- Jenni, are you nervous? - I need a martini.

Hands down, one of my biggest fears

is [bleep] public speaking.

- Lauren, can I borrow this martini?

- Yeah. - It'll be right back.

- I hate speaking or doing anything

in front of large crowds, but it's for Angelina,

so I shall go through with it.

[quirky music]

- At this time, I would like to call up the maid of honor

and the best man, Alyssa and Dave,

to come on up.

- What?

- [laughs] What the [bleep]?

- The [bleep] is this thing? - You have me on your forever.

- That's blood?

- Period [bleep].

[dramatic music]

[laughter] - That's facts.

- Angelina, brace yourself, because our speech is better.

- I would like to call up Nicole, Deena, and Jenni.

- Let's go, girls. - It's happening.

- We got this. - Let's go, girls.

- Whoo!

[bleep] off. - Good luck, guys.

- I mean, no matter what,

our speech is gonna be better than Vinny's.

- All I want in life is somebody to look at me

the way Mike looks at a food menu.

- Oh, my God. Please sit down.

- Take the stole off. - Oh!

Jenni, pick your chair up.

- Working a room

with a microphone is hard, all right?

There's a technique, a timing thing, a tone.

Comedians make--like myself-- make it look so easy.

I don't know if these girls have all those chops.

- Oh, this is like a thing right now.

- But they made fun of me so much, like,

they better be mother[bleep] Dave Chappelle up here.

- It's good, but funny.

- Can't wait to see this and hear this.

- All right, I'm gonna probably stutter

'cause I malfunction all the time.

All right.

- ♪ I feel like I'm throwing a boat on the ocean ♪

- I would like to call up Nicole, Deena, and Jenni.

- Let's go, girls. - It's good, but funny.

- Can't wait to see this and hear this.

- All right, so they say third time's a charm.

I mean, you got engaged three times,

but the third one stuck.

You tried living with us three times,

and then you finally stayed.

[crowd awws]

- It means so much to me that the girls and myself

have just gotten so close.

- Not only is Chris the lucky one,

but so are we.

- And to hear heartfelt, genuine things,

it's just really amazing to feel

this type of love right now from them.

- Angelina, you're the lice to my hair.

[laughter]

- You're the fly to our [bleep].

- I love that.

- You are the trash to our bags.

- Thank you. I love it.

- You're the throw-up to our hangover.

- You are the dump to our Island.

- [laughs]

[crowd boos]

- Oh!

- It's a joke. - Calm down, Staten Island.

- Just joking. Joking.

- Houston...

[crowd booing]

We got a situation.

[booing continues]

- Biggest fear just came full circle.

[booing continues]

[dramatic tone]

God, it's the hex. It's upon me.

This is it. It's real.

[booing continues]

- Maybe we shouldn't have brought up Staten Island.

[booing continues]

- Paulie, Ron, protect us.

- Like, are we gonna get jumped in the bathroom?

Like, what's gonna happen?

Paulie, Vinny, please protect us.

♪

[booing continues]

- Oh, my God.

- Yo, you guys are [bleep] up.

- [bleep] kidding me?

[all shouting]

- Your entire [bleep] crowd booed us.

- That's [bleep] gross!

Can you get the camera out of my [bleep] face?

I'm never filming again. I'm done.