03x13 - Snooki Goes to Washington (Part 2)

[bunniefuu]

- I'm ready to do a [bleep] Kim Kardashian bit?

- What? Make fun?

- No, go to [bleep] Washington, DC, and go to the president.

- I feel like we'd get Mike out.

- I think the girls think they can just walk up

to the White House and ring the front door.

They don't understand how government works.

- We're in Washington, DC!

- But, hey, let's go to Washington, DC.

- We are about to Free Sitch, b*tches!

- Ow!

- [laughing]

She fell.

- No, I'm done.

I'm done.

- ♪ Here I come

- Yeah, buddy!

- ♪

- Party's here!

- The Situation is under construction.

- This might not have been the best idea.

- We're so classy now.

- On the seventh day, it'll be lit.

- Get the freak out of here, you crazy!

- Um, hello!

- ♪♪

- ♪

- Get Mike Situation out. - Whoo!

We're in Washington, DC!

Gonna do whatever it takes to get Mike out of jail.

- Free Sitch!

- We're gonna protest.

- ALL: Free Sitch!

- We're gonna try to get in with the security.

- I work here.

- We're gonna do anything and everything it takes

to get to the president.

- [gasps] Is that secret service?

- [siren wails] - Right there.

- He's driving up here. - [siren wails]

- Where? - Right there!

- Oh my God, I think I see him.

We're gonna talk to the president,

and we're gonna get Mike out.

- Oh my God, I gobbed him.

- We're going to make a difference in Mike's life.

It's go time!

- Donald!

- ♪

- How do you get out of here?

- You open the door, you idiot.

- ♪

- Whoa.

Couple crazy things are going on right now.

One, the girls went to DC.

So cool!

And two, Jenni left us in charge of her brand-new home.

It looks like Tony Soprano's backyard. [laughs]

Alone, unsupervised?

This is amazing. - Yeah!

- [laughs]

- I didn't know strippers could trampoline.

- This is like a playground.

- Guys, does this make me more of Jenni's type now?

I can play with toys! - [laughs]

- This place is like heaven for a little kid, like .

- I think we're on initial descent.

- Please put your tray tables in the upright position.

- This is the best day in my life!

Wonder what the girls are doing.

- Not having as much fun as we are.

- ♪

- I'm going in.

- Hey.

- Two dollars?

What, are you a stripper?

- [laughs] - Two dollars?

- If we can't really meet the real Donald Trump,

we might as well talk to his impersonator.

- Do you have two dollars? - I have two dollars.

- Can you get our friend Mike out of jail, please?

- Jersey.

- ♪

- Free Sitch! - Thank you.

- Oh my God, what a weirdo.

- Nothing worked.

So, Mike is still in jail.

We don't know when he's getting out.

I guess it's just a wait and see.

Thank God the guys didn't come.

- He's so boring.

- Just like, you know--

- Can we go home, look him in the face,

not say one thing, and look at him and go,

"You're [bleep] boring"? [laughs]

- We should.

- You know what he's gonna do?

He's gonna say, "I'm not doing anything wrong.

This is who I am."

- Well, he's not doing anything. - Bad.

- No, I think Vinny--he has fun without us.

But then when he's with us, he never drinks.

Like you see his story, okay?

He lives in Vegas now, he's stripping.

You see him at the club, he's drinking,

he's having a good time.

Surprised no one ever says anything.

- Right. - We should confront him.

- I wanna say, "Why are you a miserable [bleep]?"

I'm a little over Vinny right now.

I love the kid to death, but like he annoys me.

He's like the annoying little brother

that just is like boring.

- Folks, the latest word from air traffic control

is we're looking at about a -minute delay,

which is not quite as bad as I suspected.

So have a couple of drinks, and minutes,

we should be airborne.

- Hello!

- ALL: [laughing]

- What the [bleep] was that?

- [laughs]

- [indistinct chatter]

- Ow!

- You wanna laugh, b*tch?

- Was that your eyeball?

- [indistinct chatter]

- Oh my God, we're messes.

- I wasn't going for your nose. I don't know how that--

- Well, you hit it, b*tch. - She took out my eyeball.

- You laughed at me.

You laughed at me!

- Why did you hit the enemy?

- --we're about to go.

- We're about to go?

- [indistinct chatter]

- [bleep], my birth control.

- [laughs]

- ♪

- Ooh, that sucks.

- ♪

- Oh, that's going over the fence.

That was stupid.

- Angelina, so what do you wanna do for your--what do you

wanna do for your wedding?

- Like my theme was Gatsby, and I had gold and black.

What's your theme?

- Am I supposed to have like a "theme"?

- I mean, I feel like Angelina's like a man.

You don't know where you're getting married.

You don't have a [bleep] date.

You don't know who you're inviting.

- Do you want black tie?

- Can you give me a little bit more? Thank you.

- This is your third engagement.

Like you're actually getting married this time, girl.

- I feel like you're not enjoying the--

- Process? - Yeah.

- I gotta be honest though, my fiancée, he's a doo-doo-doo.

- ALL: [laughs] - We're all doo-doo-doos.

Even our sons are gonna be doo-doo-doo.

- Chris is a doo-doo.

So a doo-doo-doo is something that I call Chris

like every day of my life.

It kinda means...you're like an airhead.

"Why are you driving this way? We gotta go this way."

He's like, "I don't know."

- Come on, all guys suck.

Come on, they're just dumb.

- GIRLS: [laughs]

- Stupid. - They all are.

- ♪

- Can you see it?

- This is like the Guido Witch Project.

- I feel like I'm gonna get poison ivy back here.

I don't know if I wanna touch this ball, honestly.

- It's fine.

I'm gonna look up poison ivy.

- You're gonna find a big [bleep] picture of that.

- Oh, [bleep], it actually does look like that. [laughs]

- Oh my God, that is poison ivy.

- It looked just like-- - Told you, [bleep].

- Jionni, he can't replace the toilet paper.

I'm like, "Babe, it's right [bleep] there!"

- It's like Guido Survivor.

- Bro, I'm getting itchy.

I'm not supposed to be in these outdoors.

- [laughing]

- Why are you up in it still?

- This is poison ivy, dude.

I'm itchy.

- You hear those noises?

There's foxes all through here.

Rattlesnakes, monkeys.

- [laughs]

- And look, there's a keto guido.

- [laughing]

- Now he drops the ball.

- They don't use their brain cells.

It's like, "Where are your brain cells at?"

- In their [bleep].

That's where it is, it's true.

- Alright, I'll take it.

[laughing]

- Notice his paleness in color.

Notice his frail little body.

You can tell he's in ketosis.

Don't come in contact with a keto guido.

Don't touch him, don't feed that keto guido.

- ♪

- Ooh, I feel like I'm flying. - [laughs]

- You are. - I mean, you are flying.

- [laughing]

- Hey, we didn't get Sitch out, so [bleep] it,

we're drinking on his [bleep] that.

- Yah!

- [bleep] yeah!

- Oh my God, are you okay?

- You sound like [bleep].

- She's having a little rage.

- [laughing]

- Angelina's [bleep] steroids.

- [laughs]

- She just sounded like a [bleep] man [bleep].

- [laughs]

- [slow-motion yell]

- Calm down. - [laughs]

Like who the [bleep] are you?

Angelina needs to stop taking [bleep] steroids,

because she sounds like a man now.

Like if that's your thing, it's totally fine,

I'm not judging you.

But, b*tch, you sound like a [bleep] man.

- [laughs]

- Calm down.

- Relax, sir. [laughs]

- Sir. Sir, calm down. Sir.

- [laughing] I can't.

- Can we see your c*ck? - Calm down, sir.

- [laughing]

- She literally sounded like a sir.

[laughing]

- You just don't like hanging out with us.

- I think--I think I see you guys enough.

- [laughs]

- You sit there like a lump on a log, and you don't do [bleep].

- Oooh! - Wow!

- So, you're gonna go out-- - I'm gonna stay over here!

- Okay. - I'm gonna stay over here.

- I'm like at the point now where it's like,

"Enough of this [bleep]."

- Wow.

- I'm gonna stay over here.

- That's the best dead fish I've ever seen in my life.

- ♪

- ♪ Pull up in that thing, don't know how to act ♪

♪ Where the bad actresses at? Where they at? ♪

♪ And when we pull up in that thing, don't know how to act ♪

♪ Where the bad actresses at? Where they at? ♪♪

- Yo, didn't Jenni say her and have like a sick like

car collection? - Let's go check it out.

- ♪

- Oh, this is what I'm talking about right here.

This [bleep] dope. This is dope.

- [laughs]

- I can't fit in there.

- See ya! Wouldn't wanna be ya!

See ya! - Ah!

- See ya! See ya!

- I'm out!

- See ya! - [laughing]

This one's dope.

- Mine's broken. - Yo, the gas broke?

- Yeah, it's not working.

- [laughing]

- ♪

- There's a start button.

- My door's open.

- ♪

- Oh [bleep]! - [laughing]

- Oh, are you okay? - Yes!

- [laughing]

- That was fun! - I know.

- ♪

- We're about to land, b*tches.

- Wasted.

I'm wasted, I feel it in my neck.

- She feels it in her neck.

[laughs] - Oh my God.

Protesting is such hard work, but honestly,

like we shouldn't have drank so much.

I feel like we would have actually made a difference

if we didn't get [bleep] trashed.

- We're back in New Jersey, b*tches.

- GIRLS: Bye! Bye!

- [indistinct chatter]

- ♪ I still believe I won't die ♪

♪ If I have to play what I find ♪

♪ Yeah, I'm slide--

- Yo, where are these girls?

- GIRLS: [chanting] Free Sitch, don't be a b*tch!

Free The Sitch!

- I hear them.

- We're here. - We're drunk.

- We're drunk.

- Honey, I'm home! - Hey!

- Don't you knock before you come into your house?

The girls get in, and they are lit.

- Hola! - What's up?

- The meatballs are sauced. [laughing]

Did you free 'im? - No.

- What the [bleep] happened? - You didn't free Boosie?

- Listen, it was a great-- - We tried.

- Deena tripped in the mulch.

- She tripped in front of the White House.

- Deena tripped in the mulch, and that's when

it went downhill. - I gotta see that.

- So, you took a jet to DC, and then what?

- And then I fell in front of the White House. [laughs]

- Can you please tell us what happened?

- It was very turbulent.

- We met Abe Lincoln.

- We went to Washington, DC.

- White House.

- Boy, we felt so rich.

- 'Cause that's all I [bleep] ate all day

was smoked [bleep] Gouda.

I gained five pounds in cheese.

- Whoo!

The girls walk into the house, and they come in hot!

- But we had a really time--like we had fun.

- We were--we were bored on the plane, and we made fun of Vinny.

- [laughs]

- We went off, we went in. - We're sorry.

- Ah, Pauly, we didn't--we didn't go there.

- Yeah, Pauly, you're good in the clear.

- Oh, nice. - We didn't make fun of you.

- We were like, "Pauly would be drinking with us,

"having a good time.

"But then there's Vinny.

Vinny would be judging."

Look at him, look at him.

- He's upset. - He's so mad. [laughs]

- [indistinct chatter]

- We're sorry, Vinny.

- ♪

- So mad.

Yeah, today was like an awesome day, such a good time...

until the girls got home.

- BOTH: [laughing]

- [laughs] It all went [bleep].

- RONNIE: Wow.

- [laughs]

- RONNIE: Jesus.

- [laughs]

- I'm watching Vinny get jumped.

And I'm just like, I wanna help him,

but then I remember all the times that I was getting

attacked, and he just kinda sat there.

[laughing]

So I was just like, "[bleep] it,

"I'm gonna let him go through it. He'll be alright.

He'll be alright."

- Vinny, we're just upset that you won't have fun with us.

- Oh my God.

- We love you, and we don't think--

- And you drink.

- And we don't think you love us back.

You don't love us back, Vinny.

- I'm with you guys.

- Step up--step it up a notch, Vinny.

- PAULY: I feel a little bad for my boy, Vinny,

but at the same time--

- Step up!

- I'm with you guys!

[laughs] It's just so good.

It's so funny to me.

Eat a carb!

[bleep] idiot!

- Have [bleep] scotch, you little b*tch.

- [laughs] - She said have a [bleep]

scotch you little b*tch. - You little b*tch.

- [laughs] - Wow.

- Damn. - Wow.

Holy [bleep].

- I love you guys.

- We love you also.

- That was good. Take the high road.

- [laughing]

- No, we kept saying, "We love Vinny, but"--

- But. - I just feel like you don't try

and have a good time with us ever.

You're so fun in Vegas.

You come to us, and you're like [bleep].

- Can't have fun with us!

- Tell me what you get.

- Deena had that box wine today, boy. [laughs]

I'm like, "Oh my God, this is amazing."

Out of nowhere, Deena turns into Meana.

- I love Vinny.

But sometimes he's not happy.

- She's hitting him with it.

- Always.

- [laughs]

- She had a lot to say.

- We just don't like that we see you having such a good time.

And then when you're with us, you just are like,

"I'm gonna be miserable."

- Good time doing what?

- Drinking, eating a carb, having fun.

- Oh [bleep].

- Right. - Even at Chippendales.

You're putting-- - Okay, so?

- When you're at Chippendales, you put on a show.

- It's two different things.

One, I'm sitting in the house.

And one is a live show where I'm in a play.

- Whoa, it's a play.

Oh, Chippendales is a play now.

[laughs]

- He's in a [bleep] play.

- Chippendales is a [bleep] play.

He's off-Broadway, guys.

- Off-Broadway. [laughs]

- I don't drink at Chippendales.

I'm in a show.

It's like I'm playing a character.

- Okay, so why can't you just have fun with us?

- What's up with that, bro?

- You sit here miserable. - I do have fun.

- Do you? - [laughs]

- I'm the only one talking about it.

- And there's no shower.

- But everybody else has said it today.

- So who cares?

I'm saying--I'm not addressing you,

I'm addressing the room then, fine.

- Address all of us girls right here.

That's all of us. - Deena, I get the point.

They were all talking [bleep], I get it.

- Can you still try and have a good time with us?

You sit there like a lump on a log, and you don't do [bleep].

- [laughs]

- You just don't like hanging out with us.

- I think--I think I see you guys enough.

- Oooh! - Wow!

- Wow! - Okay, okay.

- I'm gonna stay over here.

- So, you're gonna-- - I'm gonna stay over here.

- --people and have a good time.

- That's the best dead fish I've ever seen in my life.

- ♪

- ♪ Not the same, true, true

♪ He had a big game, true, true ♪

- You sit there like a lump on a log and you don't do [bleep].

- Oooh!

- In Vegas, you still were like,

"I'm not gonna drink 'cause I have to go on a show."

- I don't drink all the time.

I'm not an alcoholic.

- Did you just call us an alcoholic?

- Yes, yes, he did.

- I'm offended with that.

- I'm honestly like trying not to even respond to any of this.

They're really drunk.

- Don't--try and have a good time with us.

- And you're like, "Oh, I hate my life."

- But it's crazy.

I feel like I'm getting jumped.

You come here, you have a wine, you black out one day,

and that's it, and then all the sudden,

I'm the most boring one? - [gasps]

- Like I'm with my friends.

I don't have my child.

I'm gonna drink.

Shut your freaking mouth.

- But don't ask me--don't ask me have Encore Beach Club

in this living right now.

- We're not asking you that.

- VINNY: What are you asking me then?

Stop coming at me.

- Alright, then we don't care anymore.

- This is funny.

The girls went to DC, they come back wasted

and start going after Vinny.

- Fine, so come out here-- - What?

Keep telling me what to do like--

- PAULY: Especially Deena.

- Can you try and have a good time with us?

- PAULY: Poor guy. [laughs]

- Tell me how to live my life.

I'm here, what do you want me to do?

- I'm not telling you to live your life.

- Yeah, you kinda seem like you are. Very judgmental.

- Oh.

You're the most judgmental.

- You are, Vinny. - Yeah, okay.

- Well...

- This is miserable. - [laughs]

- I'm done. - Same.

- I'm ready for bed.

- ♪

- He's like all pissed off.

- He caught the wrath of the moms tonight, boy.

- I got sneak attacked by the girls.

The whole stress of Mike not getting out,

and the reason why we're here, this is really not

what the house needs right now.

- [unintelligible].

- [bleep].

- ♪

- I'm hungover as [bleep].

Are you?

'Cause I'm contemplating my life decisions.

- I feel like I got ran over by a truck.

- [yawns]

- ♪

- How you feeling today?

Are you mad at Deena? You look mad.

- [coughing]

Skinny Vinny got chewed up and spit out last night.

- Everybody tag teamed on Vinny last night.

I've never seen that before.

- I got into a fight with Vinny.

Now he's probably gonna be mad at me forever,

because he holds grudges.

- Apparently, I am the most boring person alive.

- The girls like to be winos. [whines]

Destroying [bleep] everything in sight.

- Vinny called us alcoholics, and I was offended.

[chuckles]

- But I'm gonna keep being me, Vinny.

How you doing?

Nice to meet you.

- I'm gonna have to have a [bleep] organ replaced soon

with the rate that I'm drinking.

- Deena, like Mike would say, "You own Vinny an apology."

- When I was in school, they used pick on me like that, too.

And now look at me, you know what I'm saying?

- Did you guys share a bed, or you slept here?

- Well, after we had sex, I went to here.

He doesn't like to cuddle.

- Do you consider it a stupid idea to rent a jet

and go to Washington, DC, to try and get Mike out?

- Mm-hmm. - Why?

- I think we did so good.

I think we did good.

- Hopefully he'll get out today. Let me check.

- Oh God, that makes me so nervous.

- Imagine he's out right now. [laughs]

Another day we wake up, and no information,

no update from Mike.

He was supposed to keep in contact with us.

And I haven't heard a thing.

Not knowing, it sucks. Nothing.

- ♪ Nothing makes sense anymore, anymore ♪

- Did Mike ever hit you back?

- He said, "Hey, brother, was supposed to be out today,

but now my release date is under review because of something

y'all did in DC?"

- Get out of here.

- We prolonged his stay?

- No, he did not. - You've gotta be kidding me.

- What the [bleep] Angelina?

- My God, I'm going home. [laughs]

- ♪

- ♪ And we gonna rise up, rise up ♪

♪ To they all fall down

♪

♪ All fall down ♪ - [sighs]

I gotta tell you, I never drink champagne,

and I feel like [bleep] death today.

Alright.

Dude, I'm done.

I can't. I look crazy.

- Probably.

- Let's go.

- Do you think there's any chicks at the gym?

- ♪

- [coughs]

- Hey, Ron, what's up, bud?

- My shirt smells funny.

It's brand-new.

- "Deener" and Jenni still have the worst hangover ever,

so "Angeleener," let's go.

I don't feel good.

- The only thing you can do is keep on drinking.

- [groans]

- ♪ My boyfriend's a stripper, and this is a stripper workout ♪

♪ My boyfriend's a stripper, and this is a stripper workout ♪

Hey, quick question.

Am I bigger than him?

- What are you trying to say? - Thanks, dude.

- ♪

- ♪ My boyfriend's a stripper

- Shut up. - ♪ This is a stripper workout

♪ This is a stripper workout ♪

- Shut the [bleep] up.

- I like to sing when I work out!

- No, I can't believe he's not out yet.

- Bro, how long are they gonna keep him in there?

We're like legit on standby.

- ♪

- Oh, I'm just moving very slow today.

- I think I'm gonna get a shot.

- ♪

- Ooh, [bleep].

I'm gonna throw up.

- Ah. Oh God. - [laughs]

Let's be classy here though,

because there's like old people.

- I love you.

Nicole, I need to have you in my wedding.

I'm a mess.

- I could be your wedding planner.

- Can you? - Yeah.

This girl has no idea what she's doing.

So, honestly, I wanna help her.

I want it to be a magical day for her.

You know, just pay me in wine, and I will do it.

- If you could help me, I would appreciate it.

'Cause you're like the guru of weddings.

- I love it. I can help you with everything.

I planned my entire wedding. I didn't have a planner.

We can do your flowers, your theme, your colors.

- I want that.

- You let me know, I'll clear my schedule.

- Thank you.

- I'm just saying, you have all of us to help plan

and participate. - Thank you.

Last week, Nicole, me, and Jenni, obviously,

we went at each other, it was horrible.

And now Nicole is offering to help me plan my wedding.

I mean, that's how fast things changed, which is really cool.

I literally thought it was just gonna be me

and no help from the roomies.

So, yeah, I'm happy right now.

Oh my God, I'm actually getting married.

- I don't like to talk politics, but Free Sitch.

- [laughs] - Let me check my Twitter.

- ♪

- Oh, it's getting some traction.

He should be out soon, right?

Everybody's like, "He should be out soon."

We still have no new information about Mike.

And we are all feeling helpless.

At this point, we don't really know what to do with

the court system and everything like that, we gotta wait it out.

But I'm a prank w*r champion,

and we need the distraction right now.

Yo, I got a prank idea. - What?

- What? - [laughs]

Let's tell the girls the reason why Mike's still

in there because they caught wind of them going to DC.

- Oh, that's good. - And trying to get him out.

- [laughs] - I'm down.

- This is so good.

The meatball [bleep] amazing.

Mike would love this. - I was just gonna say that.

Oh my God.

- Yeah, he would die with this.

- Now he has to stay for the--

- He has to stay 'til the th.

- "The warden called me in there and said

that I was gonna get out."

- The warden called him into his officer, was like,

"Yo, your castmates or whatever are down--down in DC

causing a"--[laughing] - They're gonna die.

- No, I miss him so much.

- That freaking bar that we went to with all that free pizza.

He would love that place.

We gotta bring him there when he gets out.

- I'm gonna cry when I see him. - I know you will.

- I really do love him.

- I'm gonna be like, "What did you girls expect?

"'Angeliner' going to DC, of course it's gonna

make Mike stay in longer."

- Saying she's gonna blow the secret service, come on.

- I would literally put my a*s in a funfetti cake again for him

if--if I knew he was getting out.

- [grunts] [whistles]

Prank w*r champion.

- Wanna meet the girls?

- Yeah, let's go break the news to 'em.

- Prank w*r champion!

- [laughs]

- ♪ Fate can't exist in my realities ♪

♪ And secrets cheat death and bring trust to his fatality ♪

♪ My bank account need more calories ♪

♪ So I got three hustles no cap in my salary ♪

- Where's the girls?

We're all over here like on call for when Mike gets out.

So, we're going to tell the girls that Mike was supposed to

get out today, but can no longer get out today because

of their shenigans they pulled in Washington.

It's gonna be a little bit elaborate, but, hey,

by any means necessary, we pulling these pranks.

Prank w*r champion!

Let's make this prank popping.

Let's make it dramatic.

Let's act as if you got that email in front of them.

- ♪

- Plan is for Ronnie to get an email out of nowhere from Mike

saying he can't get out because of what happened in DC.

That's the prank.

- You have to be like, "What the [bleep]?

It violated his probation."

They're gonna feel so bad.

You know how epic this prank's about to be?

Now his release date is under review.

- Yeah. - You have to sell it.

- I'all sell it.

- You gotta type it up. - I will.

That's what I'm saying, just tell me what--

- I'll text it to you. - Yeah.

- ♪

- That was fun, Nicole.

I enjoy my time with you. - I needed that.

My fat a*s is stuck.

- Hi ha!

- Hello? - Hola!

- Be quiet.

- Where are the boys? - Upstairs.

- I don't know where they went.

- I think they're in their room.

- What does Mike usually call you?

- "Jugd." - Brother.

- "Hey, brother."

- We deciding, "Let's really get into this prank."

- "Some shenanigans?"

- He wouldn't say that. - Some antics.

Let's write like a little script.

Let's send it through email so it looks legit,

because Jenni always needs receipts.

I knew that [bleep].

So I was like, "We need to make this official."

- Boom, let's do it.

Signed, sealed, and delivered. - Let's do this.

- ♪

- Yeah, dude.

- Here's some meatballs.

I feel like you would appreciate those.

- Thanks, I'm starving.

- I brought a lot.

- What are we gonna do about this Mike situation?

What are we gonna do about Mike?

- I guess it's not happening today.

- I don't know, it's-- - Did Mike ever hit you back?

- Did you ever email you back? - I haven't even checked.

Let me go check. - Oh my God, Ron!

- At least check. - --today, too.

- I feel we would've heard something by now.

- We didn't hear anything all day yesterday, and I--

supposed to be this-- - I don't think it's happening.

- Damn it.

- Sometimes I have to delegate.

I get scared when I do that, because sometimes you want

something right, you do it yourself.

- Ron, did he write you? - Ron, did he write you back?

- I'm trying to get into this stupid, uh--the picture thing.

- I'm gonna entrust in sober Ronnie to handle this.

- ♪

- I can't do it, they won't believe me.

They know I'm a prankster. So he needs to sell it.

Ron, anyone?

- Yeah, I feel like I'm trying [bleep] get into the Pentagon.

- What is this kid doing? - I have no idea.

- [laughs]

- Come in there? - Let's not bring it in here.

- ♪

- [bleep]. - Ronnie, um, hello?

- Oh, he answered. - What'd he say?

- He said, "Hey, brother, how's everything going?

"Miss you guys, too.

"Was supposed to be out today, but now my release date is

under review because of something y'all did in DC?"

- ♪

- Get out of here.

- Supposedly, I'm really boring.

But today, with this prank, it's not gonna be so boring.

- We prolonged his stay? - No, we did not.

- You gotta be kidding me.

- ♪

- Are you not entertained, Deena?

- Oh my God, I'm going home.

- Are you kidding me?

- Hello? - MIKE: What's up?

- ALL: [cheering]

- We get the phone call, and like my heart's beating.

Like this is crazy.

We finally get to hear him.

I love hearing his voice.

And I'm like, "Alright, when are you getting out?"

- Free BDS! Free Boosie! - Free Boosie!

- That was epic. Quote--

- He ended on a quote.

- ♪

- "Was supposed to be out today,

"but now my release date is under review because something

y'all did in DC?"

- ♪

- What? Are you [bleep] kidding me?

Okay, this is our fault.

We went there to [bleep] get Mike out,

and now we prolonged his [bleep] sentencing?

- Shut the [bleep] up.

- I think I should get a [bleep] Oscar for this role right now.

"Now I have to see the warden.

I'll know more in a few days. Talk to you soon."

- What? - Gotta be [bleep] kidding me.

- Leo, I'm coming for you.

- What the [bleep], Angelina? - Are you kidding me?

- So, am I feeling like [bleep],

because like I was trying to help.

I didn't try to [bleep] this up.

- My God, I'm going home.

- Are you [bleep] serious? - Are you kidding me?

- ♪

- You [bleep] wrote that. You [bleep]--

- [laughing] - Prank w*r champion!

Prank w*r champion! Prank w*r champion!

[laughing]

Prank w*r champion!

- [laughing]

- You're the biggest d*ck I've ever met in my entire life.

The boys are [bleep] douchebags.

Like are you kidding me?

I was about to leave, Deena was about to pack her bags.

- Yah! Angelina!

[laughing] Deena's like, "What?"

- Like that ruined me. - Why would you do that?

- I was really excited to hang out today.

- That was a really mean prank.

I don't know why Ronnie decided to do that.

- Thanks, Ron.

- You know what? Payback's a b*tch, karma's a b*tch.

We're gonna get you guys. - We are. You're done.

- Thank you for ruining my day. - Idiots.

- [laughs] - No, she was [bleep] shook.

- We got you! We got you! - [laughs]

- ♪

- [indistinct chatter]

- Whoa! Can't just stop in front of me.

- [blows airing] I hate fighting with my friends.

And I love Vinny to death, so last night,

I probably shouldn't have came at him so hard.

You sit there like a lump on a log, and you don't do [bleep].

I know I need to squash this thing with Vinny,

because I truly do love Vinny.

He's my brother.

- What's up, Ronnie?

What's your middle name? - Jonathan.

- Deena, what's your middle name?

- Nicole. - Nicole!

I know a Nicole.

- Can I talk to you? - Sure.

- She's gonna give you an apology pizza.

- [laughs] - Where we going?

- Wherever you'd like.

I'm gonna sit Vinny down and kinda just explain

where I'm coming from.

Okay. - Hello.

- Hi. I came off wrong last night.

I was mean to you.

But we know that I could get like that.

- I knew she was gonna apologize.

She came on pretty thick last night.

- Yeah, it was aggressive. - She came on pretty harsh.

- Tell us what they're saying Nicole.

- ♪

- Why I felt the way I do is just--

- Sir? - Thanks.

- We're in a talk! - Pardon.

- Nicole, what are they saying?

- ♪

- Some days, like you come here and you're just not there.

- Mm-hmm.

- And I would hope when we're all here together that everyone

is present and like wants to be here.

- Oh, it's not even an apology.

She's still punking him. - She's still punking him.

- You know l love you, so I don't know

why I treat the people I love sometimes not nice.

I've done it to my husband. - [laughs]

Agreed, agreed, agreed.

- You were drinking a lot of wine--

- It's when I drink that things come out that I--sometimes

I don't even mean.

- Oh, it's a meatball thing, girl.

We treat our like [bleep]. - [laughs]

- Me being quiet and [bleep], like I'm not like Pauly,

I'm not loud and [bleep].

Like I make you guys laugh in my own ways, you know?

In my own-- - [laughing]

- Can you get away from my talk?

- I hate them. - I'm in a talk.

- Let's go over here. - I get it.

- I make you guys laugh in my own ways and stuff.

- You know what it is, I think-- - Stop!

- It's hot in here. Oh, hey, guys.

I didn't know you guys were over here.

- I hate him. [laughs]

- Don't mind me, I'm just getting some air in the kitchen.

- Let's go over there. - [laughs]

- Hey, guys, look. - Oh, they're walking away.

- I know, I ruined it. - Damn it.

- Damn, now I can't hear [bleep].

- So I'm really sorry for last night.

And like I said-- - I appreciate it.

- --I was drinking all day.

And I get it, you don't have to drink.

And I don't know why I was like trying to pressure you to drink.

- Yeah, I mean, I do drink when we're on vacations

and we're partying.

But I didn't feel like I did anything wrong to you.

- No, you didn't.

I'm sorry again. - No, it's okay.

- Like I said, I love you. - I love you, too.

Hearing an apology from Deena makes me feel great.

If someone apologizes for something,

like it shows like a lot of humility.

You know, me and her are like brother and sister.

So I'm glad that we were able to squash it.

- Aw! - Aww!

- I feel like he's my brother. - NICOLE: Yeah.

- Thanks a lot.

- [indistinct chatter]

- No, I felt like you were mad at me.

And I was like, "I have to figure out"--

- I knew that already, but it feels nice to hear you--

- Good job. - Vinny's like me.

If you apologize and you own it, you can get over it.

And me and Vinny are super close.

So, we're gonna fight, and we're gonna get over it.

- Vinny, you're not the worst.

Sorry also.

- I'm okay.

- The ones that I love I hurt the most.

- Oh, she was so upset. Poor thing.

- We were spying on you.

That was sweet.

- ♪

- Do we not have a chair for Angelina?

Why is she sitting on the floor?

- You wanna sit on my lap? - We can grab one from outside.

- Oh, I'm getting a call from Lauren.

Ooh, hey, Laurens. - Hi, Laurens.

- Are you by yourself? - I am by myself with Mosey.

- ALL: Aw!

- Not that we're not happy for--to see you.

- Yeah, so Mike's been trying to call your number, Vin.

- Really? Oh my God,

I've been getting "no Caller ID."

- You idiot.

- What an idiot!

- It said "No Caller ID."

- What a [bleep] idiot. - Oh my God.

No!

Like my whole world like collapses on me.

I feel like complete [bleep].

- He's a bad friend.

- Paul, what--I don't answer "No Caller ID."

- Vinny!

The whole reason we're here is to either hear from Mike

or see Mike, and Vinny blew it.

- Can he call back?

- That's his only [bleep] phone call.

- Shut up!

- There's one man in this room you can really count on.

If you really need a friend.

Somebody to really-- - If you're ever in trouble--

- You really wanna call someone--

- If you're ever gonna make that one phone call from jail,

that man isn't [bleep]. - Vinny!

- Vinny, don't be a chuge, just pick up.

- ALL: Oooh!

- Don't be a chuge, [bleep].

- This is the most hated man in America right now.

Vinny's phone, he didn't answer.

What did he think it was gonna say?

"Federal prison inmate Michael Sorrentino is calling your phone

"right now, please pick up.

It's his only call and he only has a few minutes left"?

[laughing]

- He deleted Mike's call three times.

- Three times!

- Oh my God!

- Thank you, Vince!

- Thanks, Vinny!

- I hope I never get to [bleep] yourself.

- What an idiot. - What a jerk.

- ♪ When you coming around, when you coming around ♪

♪ You don't

- Oh my God, look at that-- - Oh my God!

- Oh my God, what is that? - Ah, that's awesome!

I hope it doesn't go in my hair. - Does it bite?

- Come on, come on. - Don't squish it!

- Ahh!

- ALL: [yelling]

- It went on JWoww's boobs! - [laughing]

- It went on JWoww's boobs.

- [phone ringing] - Oh my God, it's Mike.

- Ah! - That's him.

- Let's not all talk at once.

- Hello? - MIKE: What's up?

- ALL: [cheering]

- Hi, Mike. - We miss you.

- MIKE: What's up, guys? - We miss you.

- How are you?

- We get the phone call, like my heart's beating.

Like this is crazy.

We finally get to hear him.

I love hearing his voice.

And I'm like, "Alright, when are you getting out?"

- How you doing?

- We started off on such a high hearing him,

and then it's like--[sighs]--you feel like part

of your heart just got taken out.

That [bleep] is gut-wrenching.

And he's still so positive.

And it's just--ah, it's so sad though.

- ♪

- ALL: Yeah! - Naked pizza party!

- Yeah, pervert! Pervert!

- I want this to be done, you know, not for me, but for Mike.

I feel bad for him.

It's very hard understanding the way the prison system works.

And, you know, we all just want an answer.

- Oh, yeah, yeah.

- We miss you so much. - We love you.

- Miss you, Mike! - We love you!

- See you soon either way. - See you soon, Mike.

- Free BDS! - Free Boosie!

- Free Situation!

That was epic. - He ended on like--

- He had a quote. - He ended on a quote.

- Mm.

That's so sad.

I miss him.

And I feel bad for Laurens.

Like he's like our best friend. Stop, I'm crying.

Oh, I gotta drink.

Can you get me more wine?

- Yo, he ended on a [bleep] quote.

- Like he said, there's an end date, and that's what--

- They can only hold him to that day.

- Not one of us in the world thought he would have to go to

the [bleep] end date though.

- It just sucks, 'cause he can get any day,

they just won't say the date.

- ♪ Darling, open up

♪ And you fire

- A lifetime of events has happened

since Mike has been away.

Ronnie went to rehab.

- This is Ronald Ortiz.

I called regarding some information.

- ♪ We're getting colder, so far from the shore ♪

♪ I say

- Deena had a baby.

Nicole had a baby.

Jenn fell out of love.

- Doing my best to stay composed right now.

- Then is in love again. - Hello, my love.

- I'm a stripper.

- Oh my God.

- He's missing out on a lot, but it's time to put the final

piece of our family back together.

I'm tired of doing these ones where people are missing.

Let's get everyone together and k*ll it.

- How's Lauren supposed to know when she's supposed

to shave her kookah? - [laughs]

- Like JWoww.

- Wait, let me see, 'cause I don't believe you.

- ALL: [laughing]

- Exclusive first. - [laughs]

- "Ten dollars off for this.

Chris [bleep] loves it."

- ALL: [laughing]

- ♪ I'm home

♪

♪ I'm home

♪

♪ Where she loves ya ♪

- We have to do something. - Who do you call? !

- I won't be able to live with myself.

- Oh my God!

- Where's Angelina? She's an EMT.

- She's [bleep] nurse. - She's an EMT.

- It's an accident.

You have no control over it.

- Oh my God, we're gonna get arrested.

- You gotta go six feet under.

- [screaming]

- Where do we go from here?

- Well, we're not getting our deposit back.

- If someone's not understanding you in such a way that you feel

like you're drowning, you need to run the other way.

- BOTH: Oh my God!

- Spirit made me feel like if you don't make this happen,

and it's not gonna end well--

- This is like the worst!

- Happy divorce, Jenni! - [bleep].

- DTF wagon!

- [cheering]

- My dear brothers and sisters today, we are celebrating--

- ALL: New Orleans!

- NICOLE: Whenever I have red wine, I'm just a better person.

- Whoa! - Whoa!

- I don't think she can do that, right?

- MAN: Nicole to the stage, Nicole to the stage.

- Whoa!

- If I'm deejaying her wedding, I'm not giving

the divorce party for free, she has to pay me for both.

- Oh [bleep]! [bleep] you're an idiot.

- I can't wait to see Mike!

- Can I help you guys? - I'm picking up my husband.

- You popped your cherry! - Yeah!

- The Situation is free, baby.

Life could get no better.

We free!

- Where to? - Back to the Jersey Shore.

- BOTH: Boom.

- I want a ball.

- That's how you do it. - Ah!

- Hallelujah.

- [doorbell rings] - Oh my God!

- BDS is in the building!

- ALL: [cheering]

- ♪

- What the hell?

- ♪

♪