01x02 - James the Beaver

[bunniefuu]

I am so single,

I'm dressed as a panda bear

to try to find a connection with somebody.

I'm at the point now where I'm dating

probably to marry somebody.

So, are you like a nerd-nerd,

or you like a hot nerd?

- Baby, I'm I'm a hot nerd.

- Yes!

When it comes to dating,

we all go for looks first.

Is it love at first sight?

So, in this show,

everyone looks as weird as possible.

Could you fall in love with someone based

on personality alone?

a*s first, personality second.

Would you feel that way

when you see their real face?

You are hot!

Welcome to the strangest blind date ever.

This is Sexy Beasts!

And this is James,

a lab technician from Los Angeles

whose size gets in the way

of finding love.

Because I'm a big guy,

people make assumptions about me.

I mean, they think that I'm very selfish

and c*ck,

but as big as my muscles are,

my heart's bigger.

Aw! Well, this show's all about

what's on the inside.

Though it's good to have big biceps.

You know, these are 20 inches,

so that's always a plus, right?

Probably.

So, what is our big-bicep beaver

looking for from his dates today?

Not gonna lie, I'm an a*s man.

Good man.

But this is supposed to be

all about personality.

I'm looking for someone

that is going to make me laugh,

be goofy with me

and make me wanna fall in love.

You're in luck.

We've got three gruesomely goofy girls

all hoping to make you fall in love today.

What other guy on the planet is dressed

as a beaver,

and still has three girls

fighting over him?

I gotta be the only one!

You can't deny the logic.

Let's meet those lucky ladies!

Starting with Amber,

who's from North Carolina

and serves in the military.

I actually don't date a lot.

I try, but no, none are my type.

Like, I've been single long enough.

It's time for a boyfriend. Let's go.

So who is your type?

The right guy for me

is someone who knows how to have fun.

You have to be respectful.

Throw a little pizzazz in there,

where I'm like, "Ooh!" You know?

I'm all about the pizzazz-throwing.

But is it possible in a mask?

I'd hope I can fall for someone

without knowing what they look like,

but honestly, just knowing me

I don't know if I can.

James, the challenge is on.

Next up is Alexis,

a law student and singer

from New York City.

The New York dating scene

just has not been working out for me,

and I'm really hoping that this experience

helps me find some romance.

I want someone who blows my socks off.

And Alexis already has her eye

on the endgame.

When I go for a kiss at the end

of the night,

I try to make sure

it's a kiss they never forget.

Slow and soft goes a long way.

It's like a fine craft.

Great,

now I'm attracted to leopards.

Completing our beastly trio

is Tamiko from San Francisco,

an expert in drone tech and dating.

I would say I'm a serial first-dater,

between two and four a week.

Only about ten percent of them

will get a second date.

Whoa! So, what kind of guy

would get a second chance?

Bad-boy Barack Obama.

You guys find him, lemme know.

We'll see what we can do.

I'm ready to put my looks on the line,

put my personality to the test.

I'm looking for love,

and I'm hoping to find it.

James has come to London

to speed date our latexed ladies.

Better hold them drinks.

After which he'll eliminate one

of them based purely on first impressions.

- How you do Damn! How you doing?

- How are you?

Only then will he get to see

what she looks like.

- You're a gentleman.

- Yes.

- Thank you!

- Miss Alexis.

And they say chivalry's dead.

Thank you, so sweet.

It was a great excuse to kind of look

at their asses a bit.

I'm not gonna lie.

Oh, it is dead.

Well, he did say he was an a*s man.

Can you guess what animal I am?

Uh, you are a cat.

Wait, no.

No, cow?

A cow?

- You're a beaver.

- You got it right.

- Yeah, you said "cat." I was like

- I'm I'm messing.

I like she could throw some jokes at me.

I like that.

So, I'm like noticing

- Do you work out a lot?

- Yeah.

- You wanna feel my bicep?

- You want me to?

- I kind of do

- Okay.

Like, would you

- Wow, they're really out there.

- Are they?

Me and her just clicked immediately.

Her energy matched my energy,

and I loved it.

- What is your type. Do you have a type?

- I want the guy that has a bit more edge.

- Like All right, give me this whiskey!

- Boom.

This girl right here is interesting.

She definitely caught my attention.

Oh.

That's That's strong.

I feel like I just drank rubbing alcohol.

No! No, no, no, no.

I would have much rather

had an apple juice, honestly.

- What are your passions?

- To sing and song-write.

- Can you sing me a song? Yes.

- Sing you a song?

- Right now? Um

- Yes, right

Don't stop 'cause it feels so good ♪

That was beautiful.

I'm a bit of a sneaker head.

Oh, you're a sneaker head.

Look at my kicks.

- Wait, you can't put it on the table.

- Bad manners.

I just never had a formal date

with a woman before.

My dad has a little bit

of Spanish going on.

So, you speak a little bit of Spanish?

- Un poquito.

- Oh, okay!

Me hab No.

Me hablo es un divertido un poquito

porqué mi para si.

All right.

If it makes you feel better,

I don't speak Spanish.

That makes two of you.

- I like that you tried.

- I did.

- Yeah.

- I'm sorry about that.

Know the next question you need to ask?

Um

- Do you have kids?

- Oh.

No, I was gonna say,

"Do you believe in love?"

I do. I do believe in it.

It has to just come.

It has to be like, "Okay,

I'm going to the store to get kale."

You reach for the kale,

then somebody else reaches for the kale.

- And

- Then, you guys are like, "This is it."

I am so on board with meeting

that next person at a bus stop,

- at a grocery store, in a parking lot.

- That kind of thing.

In a parking lot?

A parking lot. She said "a parking lot."

You freaky. Parking lot?

Not like that! Why do you gotta go there?

- You wanna hear my sing?

- Okay.

- Do you need a beat? Ready?

- Yeah. I'm about to drop it right now.

All right.

So, I'm in the bar with my date ♪

We talking about stuff

And we about to escalate ♪

I've never rapped a day in my life.

What a way to end the speed dates.

But what did the ladies think

of Justin Beaver?

I had a really good time with James.

He's super funny.

I laughed a lot.

We match pretty well together.

It did seem like we had a connection.

We actually got to see

each other's personality.

It couldn't have went any better.

A rare situation,

but I would be very interested

if he would take me on a second date.

So, the women are eager

for the beaver. But what did James think?

All three women were just amazing.

How am I gonna choose

between these great personalities?

a*s first, personality second.

James!

I think it's really gonna just come down

to who I connected with more.

Better.

Now, let's all move to Sexy Beasts Manor,

where James will dramatically,

and probably reluctantly,

ditch one of his dates,

before her real face is unmasked.

Ladies, ladies!

- How you guys doing tonight?

- Good.

This decision was very hard

because all three of you

are absolutely amazing.

Amber, I wanna say you have

an amazing body,

and you're lively and energetic,

but I feel like you're bit too perfect,

and that scares me.

Alexis, you are so passionate,

and you're just such a genuine person,

and I love that about you,

but you're just

a little bit too laid-back.

And Tamiko,

you are very interesting,

and I love all the good qualities

that you have about your personality,

but I feel like,

besides our concept of love,

we just don't have that much in common.

Unfortunately,

I do have to lose one of you,

and the person that is leaving is

Tamiko.

I am disappointed, but James was right.

We didn't have that many things

in common on the first date.

I know you're gonna go out there

and find the love of your life.

Thank you so much.

I pray to God she's not attractive

because my heart would probably break.

Stand by for a brokenhearted beaver

because Tamiko is coming back

from the undead.

Whoa! She's gone from drop-jaw

to jaw-dropping.

Oh, dear, James.

- Oh, my heart's beating hard.

- Right.

- Oh.

- Oh, my God!

What?

- Gorgeous.

- Oh, my goodness!

Tamiko, wow!

I make mistakes in life, okay?

Wow! I gotta take a seat.

Drop-dead gorgeous.

Not many people get a second date with me.

It's very difficult.

So, I guess we'll never know

how good it could have been.

Whoa.

Bye.

Man, that was sad.

So, our hairy hero is filled with regret.

But what will Tamiko think

when she gets a look at the real James?

He's not usually the type

I go for off the bat,

but he is handsome.

I'll say that. I'll give him that.

Good-looking guy.

Actually, I kind of

I need a second to cry.

Well, you can't have one!

You've still got two women on the go.

Amber and Alexis

each have one more tryst with toothy,

before James chooses his Sexy Beast,

and we find out what they all look like.

The pixie goes first.

I feel like he's gonna love me.

How can you not?

He's gonna be like,

"You know what? That's the one."

Amber is joining James

for a private ice sculpting class.

Starting with a demo from instructor Nick.

- Is that impressive?

- Yeah.

You seen someone do this, though?

Like, I'm pretty sure

- Are you twerking your pecs?

- I actually am.

Okay, I'm into it.

- More impressive.

- I like that.

Yeah, you know?

Despite being taught how to make a shell,

James and Amber decide to sculpt a heart

because it's easier.

Me and her are gonna do the same thing,

and you'll judge which one's better.

Okay, all right.

What made you not want to, like,

kick me off?

You weren't awkward.

- You had good energy and

- Okay.

I'm a very outspoken

and outgoing guy,

so when I meet someone

that's the same way,

It's like, "Who's this person?"

Know what?

That's something I like about you.

As we kept talking

and literally breaking the ice,

we're able to connect more.

Hmm,

this seems to be going well.

Now, let's all spare a moment

to think of poor, third-wheel Nick,

left on his own, polishing his clam.

Okay, moment over.

What do you think your favorite thing

about me is?

You're easy to talk to.

You can keep a conversation

without forcing it.

And then, I like your body.

So, what if we started dating,

and I gained, like, 300 pounds? Then what?

Um

Nick?

Hello?

Um

- What do you mean, "Um?"

- Damn.

I probably Honestly, if you gained, like,

300 pounds

I I don't know.

Wow!

James!

I thought you were better than that.

You tell him.

It's what's on the inside that counts.

It is a little bit flattering

that he does like my body.

I mean, I try, you know?

Oh, forget it.

Yours is looking pretty good.

No. Yours looks like a heart,

where mine just like an a*s, honestly.

I see it.

- Great a*s, though.

- Nice a*s.

- Looks pretty nice.

- Yeah.

- So, I did my job.

- Okay, good.

I tried my best.

Yeah, I'm gonna win, just to let you know.

Oh, sh*t.

Oh.

Oh, man.

- Broken heart.

- I feel like that's bad luck.

Oh, that's terrible.

James, say something.

- I win.

- Ugh.

How does that even happen?

You break your heart on the date.

We're all done. Let's see your hearts.

- Well, Nick, what

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

- It kind of

- I think there's only one clear winner.

- Yes! The beaver has won!

- Congratulations.

- Yes!

After the most

metaphorical competition possible,

James and Amber toast the date

with a pint of British beer.

Nasty.

Well, that is a thirsty beaver.

- We had an amazing time.

- Yeah.

- Can I get a hug?

- Yeah.

Hug it out, little pixie.

Imagine if I tried to kiss you

with these big teeth.

These beaver teeth.

How would you feel about that?

Here we go.

Um, not with the teeth.

I don't know. We'll see.

That was disappointing.

I'm feeling romantic feelings.

I'm sad she didn't let me give her

that beaver kiss,

but you know, we'll try to sort that out.

I'm feeling a vibe between me and James.

I'm almost surprised

because I can't see his face,

but maybe that helps.

I'm confident I'm gonna win.

Me and James seem like we have

a connection.

Amber set the bar high off the bat,

so Alexis is gonna really have to show me

something amazing.

I hope that she can.

I'm hoping to be the winner, definitely.

And I'm excited for whatever gets thrown

my way.

Skeets are about to get thrown

her way,

as Alexis gets her shot at James.

Hopefully, not literally.

- Have either of you shot before?

- No, never.

I'm sure everything'll be fine.

After a quick demo from instructor Fred

Ready to aim.

Pull.

- Simple.

- Wow.

and the inevitable showboating

from James

Fred, have you seen g*ns

like these before?

it's time for the leopard

to stalk its prey.

Well, sh**t it.

- Good luck.

- Thank you.

Pull.

- Just under.

- You gotta hit the target.

Pull.

Boom.

Pull.

God.

Again.

Let the pro get in here.

She hit two. I gotta hit three.

- Or will you be the perfect gentleman?

- No, no, no, I gotta win.

Pull.

Yes!

Whoa! Pull.

Oh, my goodness.

Pull.

- My God!

- Smacked it.

Oh, yeah!

Now you're just showing off.

Whoa!

He's always showing off,

but that was pretty impressive.

- I'm a little bummed that you won.

- Yes, I did win.

- I'm impressed.

- Was that manly?

- Yeah, that was pretty awesome.

- It was pretty awesome.

There could be something there.

I think behind the muscles

is a guy who does wanna connect

with someone on a deeper level.

Really?

Well, let's see

if that emotional connection deepens

over a romantic champagne picnic.

- Cheers to that.

- Cheers!

I really liked your competitiveness.

That makes me wonder

what other competitive activities

we can do to see

- I mean, obviously I won this one.

- Yes.

So, we could do tackle football.

Oh, my gosh, you might k*ll me, but

You're a leopard here.

You might just, like, claw me and

My God.

beat me down.

What if I am a beaver?

What if I have two big front teeth?

Like, the two teeth

Well, I think it all boils down to, like,

you, and like,

what I feel like when I'm with you.

I do feel comfortable being around you.

How would you feel about a beaver kiss?

- A beaver kiss?

- Yeah.

Uh, we could make it work.

It's actually happening!

- That was nice! Yeah.

- That was nice!

- That was, like, our first kiss!

- Yeah!

Pretty sexy.

It actually

It was not as crazy as you would think.

The lip, I did get, behind the teeth,

was nice.

Our first kiss, under a gazebo.

- Let's high-five it! Yes.

- High five to that.

That was awesome.

The high five at the end kind of ruined

the romance a little bit,

but it is what it is.

She really has her claws on me.

I'm literally just, like,

in love with the moments

and everything that me and Alexis

just had.

I don't know what I'm gonna do.

Can I please just have them both?

No.

No? Well, then I gotta pick one.

Yep, and you've got to do it

right now, back at Sexy Beasts Manor.

Will James be fixing Amber's

already broken heart?

Or has Alexis won it

by kissing the Beaver?

Ladies,

time has come.

This decision was not easy.

There are no other beasts in the world

I would rather have before me

than you two.

Amber, we completely vibed.

Our energies matched together.

We had a great connection,

and I think you're an amazing girl.

Alexis, the last date

was absolutely amazing.

You showed a completely different side

of you,

and you've really got your claws in me.

I've made my decision.

And my Sexy Beast is

Alexis.

It's a win for making out.

What?

Amber's taking it well?

Amber and I hit it right off

from the start,

but there was more romance from me

and Alexis.

Well, I hope you guys are happy.

I can't wait for him to see the real me.

I just want to see his mouth drop open

and be like, "Oh, my God."

I am super ecstatic.

He seems great,

and I can't wait to see where this goes.

I'm so dreaded that Amber's about

to be super hot,

and I just let her go.

I hope Alexis is just absolutely gorgeous,

and I'm like,

"Okay, I made the right decision."

Let's go.

Well, the time has come

to get those masks off.

Starting with our toothy titan,

this is the real James.

Whoa! What a transformation!

But, yep, that's definitely him.

Before we meet James' Sexy Beast,

let's unveil the apoplectic pixie.

Who thinks James is gonna regret

this decision too?

Let's find out as he and Amber meet

in the Manor's Tunnel of Love.

Oh, my God!

- I'm two for two.

- Yeah.

I'm I'm a little upset.

You're handsome.

Can I get a hug?

- You get a handshake.

- Handshake?

Uh-huh.

I want James to think about this moment

for the rest of his life.

Like, "Did I make the right decision?"

He needs to question this forever.

That a*s, man.

That a*s, I let it go.

After Tamiko and having to feel that,

that was just like a blow to my heart.

Now this one kind of just

Missed out again.

Cheer up, James.

You haven't even met Alexis yet,

but you're about to.

Will James' prayers be answered

as he gets to meet her for real,

face-to-face for the very first time?

Oh!

Turns out a leopard can change its spots.

Thank you, Jesus.

Hi, how are you?

- Hi.

- Hi.

- Oh, my God!

- Wow!

One more?

When I first seen Alexis, I was like,

"Damn. You're looking good."

- You look amazing.

- I think he's so cute.

He's very handsome.

You're gorgeous.

Oh, my God, I'm shaking.

Look, let me take this off.

You deserve it.

This is me.

I'm speechless.

I thought he'd give me the jacket

because it's a little cold,

but that's classic James.

Just gotta show off the g*ns.

This experience has taught me

don't look at an a*s and a face

and automatically think,

"She's about to have a great personality."

He learned something. Success!

Let's see where this goes.

This is a start of something really neat.

My choice in Alexis was amazing,

and I hope that we can continue

our journey together,

but if that doesn't work out,

I definitely am going to hit up Tamiko.

Oh, man, I I give up.

What if I was like,

"I want you to me in this."

I mean

- I was hoping she'd eliminate me.

- Where'd you find this person?

- Catfishing is horrible!

- What if I choose the wrong husband?