Invisible Woman, The (1940)

[bunniefuu]

Where is he?.

Where is he?.

Get up!.

I am up, I was up,

and I've been up all night.

I would have stayed up

ifyou hadn't knocked me down.

I didn't know you were there.

Ifyou'd come in a moment later,

I wouldn't have been there.

I have handed in my notice.

Haveyou seen

the morning paper?.

After 25 years in this household,

I can't see anything, sir.

Just glance at that,

and you'll see plenty.

Hmm, hmm, hmm.

Must be spring again.

I haven't had time

to find out.

Goodmorning,

Listen to me,you extravagant,

girl-crazyyoung idiot!

Good morning.

Good morning.

Ah, George, new shoes?

No, sir. It's a bombproof

shelter for my tootsie, sir.

New shoes!

Now, look here!

For 40 years I've been working myself

into a nervous breakdown

handling your family's affairs.

But this is the last straw!

We got off easy.

She sued for a million.

And she got 1 00,000 cash!

Good heavens, man,

doesn't anything ever botheryou?.

No, nothing.

What's the use ofworrying

about something

that's already happened?.

It won't happen again,

I'll guaranteeyou that!

You're nroke!

Definitely?.

Definitely!

And you've got to get away

from all this!

No more girls

and no more parties!

- And no more professor Gibbs!

- Gibbs, hmm!

You'll pardon me, sir,

but that should have

occurred long ago.

That reminds me.

He called me this morning

and asked for $3,000.

Write him out a check.

Three thousand dollars

for that-- that--

Crackpot.

Thankyou.

You've already

wasted a fortune

on his silly ideas.

None ofthem are any good,

excepting the rat trap,

and then he was right at home.

You can't expect me to

brush offthe professor

just like that!

He's practically an heirloom.

I inherited him from Dad.

What has he invented

in the last 10years?

Not a darn thing!

He's got to stop draining

your bank account.

Thousands for chemicals,

bulbs, bulbs, chemicals!

What for?.

He must be

inventing something.

But what?

I don't know.

I never ask him.

Write that scatterbrain professor

that he's had the last penny...

he's ever going to get

from you.

May I help you, sir?.

This makes me very happy.

I'm sureyou won't regret

this move at all.

You make it strong,

and I'll withdraw

my resignation.

Stop breathing down my neck.

It's the breath

of pleasure, sir.

And perhaps

a touch of garlic.

George, areyou sick?.

Me, sir?. No, sir.

Stick outyour tongue.

Give that to the professor.

Thankyou, sir.

What is this, Halloween?.

professorGinns?

Go away.

Now, professor,

it's only me, Mrs.Jackson.

Hmm. You will find

Mrs.Jackson in the kitchen...

where she belongs.

Ahh.

professor!

You drank it!

Having a touch ofindigestion

this morning.

Here's a note

from Mr. Russell.

Huh?. Hold this.

Yes, this will be

the check for 3,000.

There's no check.

Nothing at all.

Dear, dear, dear.

You stay here.

I've got to run into town.

What'll I do with this?.

Hold it carefully.

It might explode.

Morningpaper,

Hereyou are!

M-M-My ad. My ad.

I want to change it, please.

That's fine. We only run

a couple thousand ads a day.

Have you got a receipt?.

A receipt?.

Would that be

a little piece of paper?.

I seem to remember

putting it in mywallet.

I can never find--

Oh, here it is.

Look, would that be it?.

It's it. p-1 9.

I was just going

to send it through.

That's what I call

a coincidence, eh?.

A remarkable one, really.

You reallywant this in?.

Yes, of course.

nless you would like

to try the experiment.

No, thankyou.

putyourselfin the garage,

lazy bones.

professor, what's the big idea?.

That carwent in by itself!.

A little invention of mine.

Dear me. You look enough like

d*ck Russell to be his brother.

Come out ofit, prof.

I am d*ck Russell.

No, no.

He wouldn't be going fishing,

and he wouldn't be up this early.

I'm sorry I couldn't send you

that money I promised.

It's not that I've lost faith.

It's simply I'm flat busted.

Busted?.

Good! Wonderful!

Come into the lab, quick!

They're all open.

Tell me what they are.

Answers to my ad

I put in the paper.

My boy,

all your troubles are over.

- You'll make millions out ofthis.

- Millions out ofwhat?.

Come on,

help me pick the victim.

A peculiarfellow

took my ad.

Thought I was cuckoo.

Hmph!

Hmm.

Anything in yours?.

"Am willing to undergo experiment

ifyou will deposit $1 00,000

to my account."

They all think I'm crazy.

I can't understand it.

- You believe I can do it, don'tyou?.

- Do what?.

Make people invisible!

What?.

Invisible...

with my new machine!

It absolutelyworks.

I tried it on the cat.

There's the cat.

Of course,

there's the cat.

I only gave her

a slight treatment.

Wears off after a while.

If only I could get

a person to try it on!

Listen to this!

"I am willing to submit

toyour experiment

on Friday afternoon.

please let me knowyour address.

K. Carroll, 1 1 32 North Vista."

Eureka! In return

for all you've done for me,

your fortune is made.

You're a millionaire,

starting tomorrow.

You mean, I'll see

the positive prooftomorrow?.

I mean, you won't see it.

I won't see it?.

Oh!

Kitty, K. Carroll

is going to join your club.

Hey,John! John!

About this inventory--

Congratulate me, man!

I'm practically a millionaire.

Haveyou gone mad?.

Nope!

Got everything packed,

George?.

Yes, sir, everything.

Furniture is in order,

silverware stored, trunks packed,

pictures all covered.

That's fine.

put everything back now.

Very good, sir.

Did you say,

"put everything back"?.

I certainly did.

We're not leaving.

We're not leaving.

We're-- Aah!

Mrs., uh-- Housekeeper!

Housekeeper!

Housekeeper!

Jackson is the name.

I've been with you for 1 2 years,

and the name's still Jackson.

Mmm.

Mrs.Jackson, tomorrow

I am expecting a gentleman,

Mr. K. Carroll.

Bring him right in here to me.

Don't mention a word

ofthis to anybody.

Keep it a deadsecret,

See that this is mailed

to him at once.

Take a very good look at him...

becauseyou won't see him again.

It's the mail.

I'll get it.

I'm expecting

a letter.

All right, honey.

Haveyou got a letter for me?.

K. Carroll?.

That's it.

Thankyou very, very much.

Oh!

Oh, haveyou got a feller?.

- Hooray! He's made an appointment!

- Then you have got a feller!

This isn't from a fella,

Mrs. patton.

This is the call to adventure.

What would you do ifyou could

completely disappear?.

Don't tell me

you're thinking about

running out on me...

when your room rent's

way past due?.

No.

I hate to bring it up, but after all,

I've got to live, you know.

Live! Get up in the morning,

run for the subway,

punch the clock,

get kicked around all day

by that nasty Mr. Growley.

Run for the subway

and go to bed!

Dream about the subway!

You're gonna

dream yourself out ofyourjob

ifyou don't get going.

Come on now, girls,

Hurryup,

Kitty, you're late.

You're telling me!

Someday I'm gonna give you

a real punch right in the nose.

Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Kitty, what kept you?.

My mail.

I never get any mail.

All I get is a cold in my head.

Here, dear.

You're wearing number 37.

Oh, Kitty, hurry!

What areyou thinking of?.

What would you do

ifyou could become invisible?.

Kitty, doyou feel all right?.

I feel as though

I'm ready to take the plunge.

Hurry, Kitty!

I will.

All right, pay attention!

Quit daydreaming!

Remember,

we're not in business

foryour amusement!

Every minute wasted means

money lost. Every second delayed

keeps a buyerwaiting.

Eyes front, chin up,

shoulders back!

- Where's number 37?.

- Coming right out, Mr, Growley,

All right, Carroll.

Don't try to sneak by.

You were two minutes late.

You're docked an hour's pay.

That's unfair!

I've never been late before.

Besides, two minutes

is exactly 1 /30th of an hour.

Really, Carroll!

Maybe you'd like to take up

bookkeeping... somewhere else!

Well, would you?.

- Well, I didn't mean--

- That's better.

And you?.

I'm sorry, Mr. Growley.

I have a cold in my head.

You sniffle in front of customers,

you're fired!

Mr. Growley!

Mind your own business.

There are plenty of

youngerwomen foryourjob.

Yes, sir.

Now I know what I'd do.

I'd kick him

right in the pants.

All right, get going,

everybody.

Good morning.

I'm sureyou'll like

our new showing.

How doyou do?.

How doyou do?.

How areyou?.

How doyou do?.

This is our new dinner dress.

Smile.

Show the back, little lady.

Let me see that.

How much?.

Take it easy, will you?.

What's that?.

They tore it.

Mr. Growley,

I came here to do business.

Not be insulted.

please, ladies!

Of course the girl is wrong.

She'll apologize toyou

or I shall dismiss her.

They tore it.

Apologize.

The customer's always right.

This time the customers

happen to be wrong,

aren't they, girls?.

Sinceyou three

stick togetherso well,

you can ne fired together,

or do you apologize?.

I apologize.

All right.

You can go.

Now, ladies,

while the models change,

I'll show you new material.

Kitty, what areyou doing?.

I'm leaving.

We can't go on being stepped on

like this for 1 6.50 a week.

Docked when we're sick, when we're late.

Treated like dogs, humiliated!

It's time one of us

showed Growley

where he gets off.

It's time he behaved

like a human being.

What areyou gonna do?.

Whereyou gonna go?.

/'llne nack,

Ifl have any luck,

nobodywill see me!

professor Gibbs, please.

Who shall I say is calling?.

Miss Growley--

I mean, Miss Carroll.

I came in answer to an ad.

Would you tell professor Growley--

professor Gibbs that I'm here?.

Step in.

There's a person outside, professor,

to see you about your ad.

Good. Send him in.

It's a her.

A her?.

You mean,

skirts and things?.

Mmm, skirts and things.

Mrs.Jackson,

you're letting me down!

I can't possibly

perform my experiment

unless the subject doesn't wear--

hasn't any--

is-- is, you know, in the, uh--

in the "altogether;'

as it were.

What am I going to do?.

How should I know?.

Dear, dear.

I can't afford to lose her.

I might never find another!

You tell her.

Tell herwhat?.

About the disrobing.

Tell her it's purely

in the interest ofscience.

We can put her

behind the screen.

Nothing could be

more proper.

And, of course,

during the experiment,

you'll stay right here.

I don't know as I want

to see folks get invisible.

Might give me a turn.

It's her oryou, Mrs.Jackson.

Takeyour choice.

You're eithervictim

or chaperone!

All right, all right!

I'll tell her!

Be carefulofthis,

/t nelongs to myroommate,

And this too,

Also these,

The shoes are mine, though,

She gave them to me,

May I come i n?.

Yes, we're ready foryou now,

How's the visinility today, prof?

You didn't tel I me

i n your letter

that you were a girl.

/ wanted to ne sure

it wasn't one ofthose

"for girls only"propositions,

I expected a man,

but you'll do.

Give me your arm.

Ouch! /s that all there is to it?

Oh, no! We have to treat

the body externally as well.

Will it hurt?

Will it hurt?.

Not at all.

perhaps a slight tickling sensation

for a minute or two.

Good,

/ don't tickle easily,

All ready to begin!

Ah!

Wait a minute!

This won't make me invisinle

forever, will it?

J ust for a few hours.

Just what / want,

Go ahead, sh**t!

You're sure you're willing

to go through with this?.

- / said, sh**t!

- Because it'll work!

/t really doesn't hurt,

- No, but it tickles.

- /'llsayit does,

Ooh, you look like

a custard pie.

Am / dissolvingyet?

That's that!

She's gone!

Don'tyou dare

come nack here,

Why, is something

still showing?.

/ can't see anything,

nut how do / knowyou can't?

Here, take this.

Try and take

a good look at yourself.

I really am invisible!

There, Mrs.Jackson!

Do you see?.

No.

No, I don't.

Not a darn thing.

Wait till I call d*ck.

It's a staggering success.

Sit down, Miss, uh--

Kitty, Kitty Carroll.

Makeyourselfat home.

I'll be right back.

You watch her,

Mrs.Jackson.

Watch what?.

Seven years bad luck.

Don't you come near me,

miss.

Don't worry, cutie.

I'm going away from you.

professor said

you were to stay here.

Not me! Ha-ha!

Growley, Growley!

Here I come!

Oh.

Excuse me, sir.

The professorjust phoned.

He said, would you

come over right away?.

He said to tell you

that he has done it.

That's great!

Just a minute.

I've got to go over

and not see somebody.

pardon, sir.

Would you care to

not have a cup oftea?.

Now then, Richard,

I will showyou she has

completely disappeared.

professor--

Go away! Don't interrupt!

You bore me.

Now, can you see anyone?.

Neither hide nor hair.

Did you say, "she"?.

Yeah.

permit me

to introduce you.

Uh, Miss Carroll, allow me

to present d*ck Russell,

myyoung friend and patron.

d*ck, this is Miss Kitty Carroll.

Don't be afraid.

Shake hands.

Shake hands

with what?.

Come, come, Miss Kitty!

Shake hands. Say hello.

Really, she was here.

Sure, of course she was.

Maybeyou'd better

lie down for a while.

Lie down?. Nonsense!

Good heavens!

Maybe some reaction

I didn't foresee.

Maybe she's fainted.

W-Where are you, Miss Carroll?.

Where areyou, Kitty?

Kitty, Kitty, Kitty!

Kitty, Kit--

Not you. Miss Carroll!

Bah! Avast! Avant,

Out of me way.

"Thou troublest me.

Thy bones are marrowless."

Oh, there you are, sir.

You'll be pleased to know

the silverware is back from the bank,

the trunks are unpacked

and the slipcovers are off

throughout the entire house.

That's fine, George.

We're closing up after all.

Very good, sir.

We're what?.

Mrs.Jackson!

Mrs.Jackson!

What doyou want?

What haveyou

done with her?.

What have / done?.

She's gone!

Of course. That's what

I tried to tell you.

Where?. Where?.

Wh-Where?.

How do I know?.

Didn't she say anything?.

Yes.

She said,

"Growley, Growley!

Here I come!"

But that doesn't make sense!

M--

"Growley! Growley! Here I co--"

Growley. Growley?. Growley?.

Come, come, Mrs. Bates.

I'll finish that foryou.

Snuffling and sniffling

in the buyers' faces!

Get your things and get out.

You're fired!

please, Mr. Growley.

Don't fire me.

Let me come backwhen

I get rid ofthis cold.

You'll never come nack!

You're fired!

Growley,

Growley!

You miserable,

wicked man!

Bullying poor

little working girls,

firing them, docking them

and enjoying it.

You're docking a girl

to pay for this too, aren'tyou?.

The day of reckoning has come.

Nowyou'll see how it feels

when the shoe's on the other foot.

Oh, Mr. Growley.

If a girl's late, you fine her!

If a girl's got a cold,

you fire her!

You certainly do things

the hard way.

There it goes!

Andmayneyoushouldne

sent afterit,

please, whoeveryou are--

/ am the voice

ofyour conscience,

Lean overthe windowsill,

Growley,

Oh, I--

/ said, lean over!

Eyes front, Mr, Growley!

Chin up!

Shoulder's back, you worm!

You've always had

a kick coming.

And here's one for interest,

and one to grow on!

There,you've had that

coming toyou fora long time,

/'m sick ofyou,

Mr, Growley,

and I'm sick of getting in and out

of these crummy dresses!

I'm sick of leering men buyers

and snootywomen buyers.

I'm sick ofthe whole thing!

Well, well!

Ifit isn't my old pal,

the time clock.

Here's something

to remember me by!

How doyou do?.

I should like some information

regarding a personal advertisement.

Sorry, sir, but personal

means personal.

Stick 'em up!

Oh, go on home

toyour mother.

I ain't got a mother.

But I got a g*n.

There's only 37.50

in the cash box.

We don't want cash.

We want the address ofan ad.

About being made invisible.

That one was put in

by a loony called Gibbs.

Where do we find him?.

In the bug house by rights,

but I've got his address.

Gimme that!

pick 'em up,

butterfingers!

That's the kinda help

you get nowadays.

Say, where did you

get this car?.

I didn't get it.

Hammerhead got it.

Why'd you do that?.

Shh.

Where did you get this car?.

I just picked it up.

Nice pickings!

Shh.

What are we gonna talk

to this professor about?.

It don't make no difference,

as long as you get the layout

ofthe invisible machine.

You're a scientist, Foghorn.

You're a smooth talker.

Here, take this with ya.

put that away!

Scientists don't carry

tommy g*ns.

Don't trouble, Mrs.Jackson.

I have nothing

more important to do

than answer the door.

Suityourself!.

Let me in quickly, professor.

Go away!

I am not speaking toyou!

Don't be an old, stuffed shirt!

I had to go and smack down the boss!

A fine reason

for becoming invisible.

The only reason.

Jobs are scarce,

and I can't afford to be fired!

/'ve got to warnyou--

I am not interested!

I am highly displeased

with you!

Have / the honor ofaddressing

professor Ginns?

My name is Hardwick Spencer.

I'm a fellow scientist.

I represent a group

in Mexico.

Good, sir. Come right in.

Thankyou.

Go away!

Now, wait--

Notyou, sir. Her!

Her?. Who's her?.

My first subject.

I am annoyed with her

and wash me hands ofher.

You've already tried

the experiment and it works?.

Andhow!

Don't pay

any attention to her.

I'll gladly showyou

the machine.

I supposeyou

will be convinced

by a demonstration.

That's exactly the idea.

Haveyou ever been to Mexico?.

M-Mexico?. Why, no.

Oh, you'll like it.

A fine trip.

And the boys--

my associates will give you

a royal welcome.

Thankyou

for the invitation.

/nvitation, myeye!

I saw them drive up.

They have g*ns.

G--

Mr. Spencer--

That's a lie!

Is it?. professor, ask him how

he knew where to find you.

Why, he saw

the advertisement

in the paper.

Of course I did.

Naughty, naughty!

The ad didn't give

the professor's name or address.

She's right.

How did you find me,

ifI'm not too personal?.

Why, I-I--

You're a crook!

I'm a crook!

No, I'm a scientist!

Back to Mexico, you wolf

in scientist's clothing!

Take it away!

Don't do that!

Take it away!

And don'tyou come back,

or I'll cutyou dead!

Well, I suppose

I should be grateful toyou

for disposing ofhim like that.

Thankyou...

and good-bye.

Come on, professor.

Be a sport and forgive me.

Haven't I proved

your experiment a success?.

I knew that beforehand.

I merelywished to utilize you

to convince somebody.

Gosh, I am sorry.

Is there time to show me

to this somebody

before I get visible again?.

Just about. I'll tell him

we're coming over.

Hmm. d*ck Russell, please.

Tell him it's professor Gibbs.

Uh, nowwhat areyou doing?.

/'m dodging the draft,

The man from Mars,

professor Gibbs, sir.

He seems to have passed out--

Uh, seems to be out, sir.

What?. Tell--

You're materializing!

Go getyour clothes on!

Ooh!

- My clothes are on!

- Nonsense! They're behind the screen.

What screen?. He seems to be

on one ofthose things again, sir.

Ah, he's nuts.

He says you're nuts,

Um-- What?.

Tell him a slight complication

has arisen.

The girl came back,

but now she's materialized.

Ifl can persuade her

to get undressed again,

I'll bring her right over.

The girl?.

Bring her over undressed?.

Why, professor,

I'm ashamed ofyou!

Now what's up?.

It's too delicate

to repeat, sir.

part ofit was, he would

bring the girl over.

Oh, no, he isn't!

We're leaving right now

for the lodge.

We'll leave now for the lodge?.

You mean, I have to cover up

everything else again?.

Certainly.

Don't say that.

Give the moths a holiday.

I've been in service 25 years,

and I never--

I resign again, sir,

and again.

And again, and again.

Sometimes I suspect

that man ofhis isn't all there.

On the other hand, you are.

What could have gonewrong?.

You're not supposed to

be visible for another hour!

I'm sorry, but at least

I'll get back to work

so I can check out.

Yes, I supposeyou must,

though it's very awkward for me.

Very!

Years ofwork,

taking all that money from him.

Never be able to pay him now.

He'll think I'm balmy!

This would have solved

everything. Dear, dear.

Stop!

You're breaking my heart.

Doyou want me

to be invisible again?.

Yes! Butyou wouldn't.

I don't suppose

I should expect--

But ifyou could get

the rest ofthe day off--

Okay,

I'll try Growley.

You are the nicest visible

I have ever met.

And we'll abolish

the time clock too.

And, Mrs. Bates, don't forget

to call the ladywith the cold.

Tell her to stay in bed until it's better.

She can have herjob back anytime.

Yes, sir.

That's all, except in the future

we'll serve tea at 4..00.

You'll all like that,

won'tyou?.

Yes, Mr. Growley.

Ifyou'll excuse me,

I have to answer my phone.

What's happened

to Mr. Growley?.

Hello, Miss Carroll.

How areyou, my dear child?.

Yes, of course

this is Mr. Growley.

You needn't have bothered

to ask at all.

Certainly.

Take the whole weekend

ifyou like.

Have a lovely time.

Bye-bye, my dear.

And have fun.

How am I doin'?.

It's you, professor!

You reformed Growley!

In the name of all working girls,

I thankyou.

I haven't time for this.

You promised

to be invisible again.

Okay, professor.

You won't be seeing me

in a few minutes.

He can't do this to me!

Holdmyhat, professor,

d*ck! Richard!

Wait! Wait, stop! Stop!

Richard, you can't do this.

Where areyou going?

To the lodge, fishing.

- Fishing?. What for?.

- Fish.

F-I-esh, fish.

Fish!

And me with an invisible woman

for him not to see.

Hello?.

Yeah, this is Foghorn.

What?. It's the boss.

The boss?.

Not in town?.

Great to hearyourvoice,

boss.

Whereyou talkin' from?.

Oh, you're still down there, huh?.

Well! He's still in Mexico.

Oh.

We tried to get it,

but we met with

kind of a complication.

I'll complicateyou into such small pieces,

your own mother couldn't

putyou together again.

I want to be invisible

so I can go home.

I got to see

the old home town again.

I got to smell the lake.

I got to hear traffic.

I'm homesick.

Now he's cryin'.

Gosh, that's bad.

Last time he cried, we had

to have that triple funeral.

We'll get that machine or bust.

But how we gonna get it

over the border?.

That's yourworry, fathead.

Nobody understands me.

I'm sensitive. That's what I am.

Ever been to the big town?.

No, senor,

I can almost hear

the elevated right now,

the taxi drivers

bawling each other out,

the cash register

in the g*y paree...

and the way the newsies

used to holler headlines...

the morning after

we pulled a big job.

Senor, I do not know

anything about that,

but I have never heard

of a chemical formula...

that would make

the human body unseen.

Watch your step.

You're talking to a lonesome guy,

and a homesick guy too.

My g*ng's on the trail

ofan invisible machine, see?.

Si, si,

And they're rushing it

down here, see?.

Si, si,

You are going to set it up

and make it work, see?.

Si, si,

Oryou'll have to find the formula how

to put yourselftogether again, see?.

Si, si,

What is all this "si, si"?

Are you Spanish?.

I'm a pomeranian!

Fishy, fishy in the brook,

master caught him with a hook.

Cooky fries him in a pan.

Oh, phooey! What a smell!

What a pull,

but here we are.

What very superior

mountains!

There's a very superior bush

foryou to undress behind.

What for?.

I don't want anyone but Richard

to know thatyou're here.

Let me go in this way

and scare him to death!

Do as I say, orwhen I bring you to,

I will giveyou the wrong face.

Hurry up!

Why couldn'tyou have

done this in the desert?.

/t certainly

wouldhave neen warmer,

Ouch! Darn those roses!

Watch where you're going,

will you, philo?.

Who could that be

at this hour of the night,

disturbing my culinary art?.

- Hurry up. There's somebody coming.

- Whew! Kind of chilly.

/ wonderhow

the nudists standit,

Shh!

- Oh! Oh, it's you.

- Yes, it's me, sunshine.

- I thought we'd drop in

on young Richard for a bit.

- We?.

Uh, "we" in the sense

ofvisiting royalty.

Oh.

Ow!

Uh, that door, you know,

the hinges need

a little oiling, my boy.

Nonsense!

The hinges were oiled

this morning!

Meow!

Oh.

/suppose the cat

needs oiling too!

Cats and I

are mutually allergic.

q*eer, isn't it?.

Very, considering

you have one at home.

Not that I care,

but are you feeling all right?.

I've never felt better in me life.

Ah-choo!

A little cold coming on.

Beastlyweather.

Isn't it?.

Mr. Russell likes it.

He says it makes the fish

bite better.

You'll pardon

an old-fashioned hint,

but we weren't expecting

company up here.

As soon as I have elucidated matters

with Richard, we will pop off!.

Why doyou

keep saying "we"?.

- I am referring to the editorial "we".

Didsomething come down

the chimney?

perhaps it was Santa Claus.

Yes, perhaps it was.

There is no Santa Claus!

That's right, there isn't,

Months too earlyforhim,

Shoo!

What was that?.

Mice!

Mice! We never had

mice here before!

Hang up my coat for me,

will you, my dear fellow?.

Behave yourself!.

Nothing like a spot ofbrandy

on a damp night.

Nothing like

making yourself

at home either.

Wh-What--

Did you sh**t that elk?.

No, I think

it was born there.

What goes on--

Ha-Ha-Have one with me.

Well, thankyou,

perhaps /'d netter,

Mayne /-- Thankyou,

Thankyou,

Oh, my. Went down

the wrong way, huh?.

That's good.

I hope you don't choke.

I hope.

- Thankyou. That's enough.

What areyou,

a ventriloquist?.

Sometimes!

Sometimes.

That's right, of course.

Ventriloquism.

I picked it up at college

from the fellow next door.

Well, for a minute

you had me worried.

Did you see what I see?.

He also dabbled in magic.

Help! Help!

Mr. Russell!

Spooks!

Spooks, Mr. Russell!

Really, Miss Kitty!

You have no control!

I'm too cold to have

any control.

Ah! Well, ifyou're cold,

I supposeyou'll have to

put something on.

Now, uh, I wouldn't drink

too much ifl wereyou.

Whynot?

/t warms me up,

There is no telling

what reaction alcohol may have

upon your invisibility.

Now, uh-- It's raining.

I'll have to bring your things in

before they get soaked.

Here, take this, will you?.

Mr, Russell!

Mr, Russell!

What's the matter

with you?.

The professor is up here.

The professor. Here?.

And he's acting very peculiarly.

Frankly, I'm frightened.

We both know he's cracked.

What's he doing?.

I don't know what he's doing now,

but just a minute ago while I was in there,

he was trying to--

He had a-- It was a long--

It came out ofa--

I don't know, sir.

It can't be

as bad as that.

Let me showyou, please.

All I ask

is a little cooperation.

Doyou see what I mean, sir?.

Where'dthose clothes

come from?

They're his,

You're sure you're all right?.

Oh, sir!

Well, we'll just

have to humor him.

Yes, yes, sir.

And you too.

Oh, Mr. Russell.

Oh, professor,

Well, a new tailor, professor?.

Eh?. What--

Oh, well, my boy, I--

The rain, you know.

I was afraid of catching cold.

It's good you brought something

to change into.

Huh?.

Oh, oh, they're not mine.

No, no, no, of course,

my dear boy, I--

I can quickly explain

ifl can seeyou alone

for a moment.

Alone, eh?. What for?.

I've done it, my lad!

/'ve nrought her!

She's here,

Just take it easy, professor,

and everything'll be all right.

Mr. Russell!

Look!

There it goes again!

Stop staring, stupid.

Give him this,

Go on, give it to him,

Here, George. Up!

Here.

/ hopeyou're ashamed

ofyourself, young woman,

Young?.

Ofcourse, /'m young,

Now, now,

you don't need another drink.

You haven't fainted!

Okay. Here, handsome.

You don't look so hot yourself.

That's very thoughtful ofyou.

Oh, drinks, decanters,

ventriloquists, magicians--

Come on, George.

pull yourselftogether.

Tell him it's nothing supernatural.

Just a simple little invention.

Oh, I beg your pardon, sir.

I shouldn't have given way

this way. I--

Look now, sir!

Flying cats!

Sure I can fly.

Here, catch him!

Talking cats!

Oh, here I go again, folks.

Whoever heard of such a thing?.

It's only an invisible girl talking.

Come on, get hold ofyourself.

Go up and lie down.

Oh, thankyou, sir.

Itwould be a pleasure.

I've been in service all my life.

Myfather's been in service before me.

I've never been--

professor,

I oweyou an apology.

I thoughtyou were crazy.

I never dreamed--

Ah, /still don't nelieve it,

Say, professor, is this the guy

who's going to promote

your cute little machine?.

Ah, yes, yes, of course.

pardon me.

Uh, uh, Miss Carroll,

Mr. Richard Russell.

How doyou do?.

Huh, I don't think much ofhim.

He's no businessman.

He's a playboy.

/'veseen hispictures

in the papers,

Theycall him

"The patsy ofthe pacific, "

Yeah?.

Well, listen, Miss Nothing.

I'm perfectly capable

of handling any business deals

of any kind or size.

Oh, /see, /t's onlywomen

you can't handle,

Yeah, beautiful women.

But you wouldn't know

anything about that.

Oh, is that so?.

Any girl who'd become invisible

can't be very easy on the eyes.

professor, I insist on being

visible again right now!

Impossible, my dear.

You will have to wait until morning.

Hey, look out!

You'll stay good

and invisible till then.

I wasn't taking any chances.

Besides, you'd hardly

want to take shape

beforeyour clothes dry.

You-- You don't mean

she's really--

Yeah, I mean she's really.

Hey, hey, no, you don't!

Better makeyou

some strong coffee.

I don't know what's the matter.

I never liked to drink before.

Fight the impulse!

Her desire must be caused

by something in the treatment.

Well, well!

Now I know the meaning

ofthe expression, "Alone at last."

Hey, you almost

stepped on me!

Why don'tyou carry

a red lantern or something,

or at least put some clothes on

so I can see whereyou're not?.

But then you're hiding

your stylish, stout figure.

I'll spike that ugly rumor

in three hooks and a zipper.

Darn it,

they're still soaked.

How very convenient.

At least the stockings are dry.

Now to find my feet.

This is worse than dressing

in the dark.

There.

Now we'll see who's stalling.

/tso happens that

nyprofession /'m a model,

What for, piano legs?

Any time you hear of a piano

with legs like mine, sonny,

run, do not walk,

to your nearest music store.

There.

Apologies are now in order.

Does the rest ofyou follow

that same interesting pattern?.

None ofyournusiness,

Hmm.

Well, now where are you?.

At the end ofthe cigarette.

When it rains,

all the roads around here

get washed out.

You and the professor better

plan to spend the night.

Just because

I have good-looking legs?.

No, because the roads

are washed out.

Besides, the professor and I

have all this business to discuss.

And because

I have good-looking legs.

Ifl knew where

your neckwas,

I'd wring it.

I think I'll have

just another little one.

Oh! Oh, I feel dizzy.

It must be the altitude.

Sure, altitude.

Spelled B-R-A-N-D-Y.

Oh! Call the professor.

Everything's spinning.

Oh!

Hey, professor!

What? What?

What's the matter?.

She says

it's the altitude.

She says?.

We'll have to get her to bed.

Okay, let me.

Uh-oh.

I forgot she's--

Yeah, she certainly is.

Come on, hold out your arm.

/ can'tstand up on

mygood-looking legs,

Whoopee!

That's all right.

J ust a little too much altitude.

There,

Better take her

to the showers.

Hmm. Upsy-daisy.

Hmm, not very heavy.

You thinkyou're

a great big strong man.

We better get her to bed.

Hey, what's going on here?.

I'm leaving, sir,

without notice.

Don't be ridiculous.

You're getting to be

a problem child.

Either the professor goes

or I go.

He has a personality

like a temporary filling.

The professor's just an old--

I don't mind

pole vaulting decanters

and flying cats,

but when it comes

to invisible women--

This invention means

a lot of money to me.

When I start paying you again,

I'll giveyou a raise.

What?.

A raise.

Oh, thankyou.

That's well worth

looking forward to.

I'll reconsider.

I can hardlywait

to see her face.

Most fortunately foryou,

this one is invisible,

and I sincerely hope

she remains that way.

Why?.

Because looking at a woman

is only the first step to trouble.

You look, she smiles.

You soften, she sues.

Invisible women!

These days you can't

believeyour own eyes,

Shh.

Oh, shh.

Just stop that!

Doyou want them down here?.

Oh!

Be quiet!

Oh, my bunion.

Hey!

That's it.

I didn't do it on purpose.

Come on!

Look, a safe.

Boy, look how it goes around

and in and out and down and up.

Gosh,just like the world

oftomorrow.

Come on, get busy.

Take it apart, but slow,

so I can diagram how to

put it back together again.

But keep it quiet.

Shh!

Help! police!

Oh, oh!

Oh, let me out!

Oh! Oh!

George,

- Here I am.

- B-B-B-- Your breakfast, sir.

The professor said she'd

be visible this morning.

If she is,

I'll be invisible by tonight.

Let's take a look.

Oh, please,

let well enough be well enough.

Shh.

Oh, my goodness.

Doggone it.

Where is she?.

Look, sir.

Ah, Kitty.

Why don'tyou both come in

and then knock?.

Oh, my head.

My head.

pardon me, madame,

you haven't any head.

That's whatyou think,

It's as big as all outdoors.

Oh, dear,

I-I need an aspirin.

Get me a nurse.

Get me a doctor.

Get me something.

Where's the professor?.

We better get the professor.

What for?.

To cheer up a lot

ofbedclothes?.

Oh, professor!

professor! Oh, professor!

Oh, professor! professor!

Oh, professor!

professor! professor!

Oh, darn it.

I 'm still invisible.

Hey, professor!

Whoo-hoo!

professor?

Hey, professor!

professor?

Oh, professor, where are you?

professor!

professor!

Did someone say,

"professor"?.

No.

I t's me, Kitty.

/ thought / heard

somenody,

professor, look at me.

I can't see me at all.

Ah, that's too bad.

By George, I was right!

I warned you to go easy

on the spirits.

How right you were!

When there is an affinity

between two molecular forces...

and the natural reagent

is chemically counter--

Aw, have a heart, professor.

Well, there is the result

chemically invisible.

Stop broadcasting.

I simply refuse to stay this way.

Oh!

Now what's the matter?.

I stubbed my toe.

professor.

Dear professor,

you've got to get me

out of this, please!

/'ve got to ne visinle!

Think of my suspense.

We'll rush back

to my laboratory,

and I'll fix you up.

George, pack everything up.

We're leaving.

We'll all rush, eh, Richard?.

Let's get a move on.

I'm tired ofbeing

a piece oflaundry.

Your car is ready, miss.

It says here

we're in Mexico.

I know that.

You don't think that guy

at the customs gate

was speaking Gaelic.

Hey! Boys!

It's all right.

It's Foghorn.

All right, boys,

get those crates off,

but treat 'em gently.

Got it, huh?.

You bet, boss.

There it is, right down

to the last gadget.

Yeah, and I've got it

diagramed on paper

and everything.

The-- The machine!

It's gone!

Maybe it's made itself

invisible.

That's hardly possible.

I wonderwhat that was.

Ifyou had any sense,

you'd look and see.

Oh.

Mrs,jackson!

Really, Mrs.Jackson!

What an odd place

to spend the night.

The formula

for the injection!

Richard, help me.

Quick, quick!

They can't use the machine

without these.

What luck!

What doya mean, luck?.

What about me?.

Do I have to go through

the rest of my life like this?.

Really, professor, I think

she looks much better like this.

You have a nerve,

you fishless fisherman!

Children, children.

What areyou gonna

do about me?.

Experiment till I find out

what's keeping you invisible

so long.

Yes, but how long's

that gonna takeya?.

I haven't a notion.

It took me 1 0 years

to perfect the machine a--

Now what areyou

laughing at?.

The chap who took it

without the injection, you know.

Oh, my dear,

that machine is apt to do

the strangest things to people.

Ah, senor, this machine,

I love her!

She's so beautiful.

If only I could to meet

the man who make her,

I would kiss him, I think.

Just stick to business.

Ifitworks, I'll kiss him foryou.

Thankyou, senor.

She is ready, I think.

You think.

You boys sure

about the dame

it made invisible?.

Sure, boss, positive.

Foghorn seen her!

Okay.

Foghorn, you're elected.

You see, I told you--

Boss, I don't want

to be invisible.

You heard me.

First we will start

with the head.

Never mind the head.

That's useless.

Well, then we will

start with the neck.

Good.

Boss, what about--

Oh, no, boss.

Foghorn understands those things.

He's scientific!

I'm underweight,

I am.

Foghorn!

There's not many people

I'd let try this machine first.

Now get going!

Thanks, boss.

That's great.

SenorFoghorn, in nack

ofthe screen, please,

I n back of the screen?.

S;, s';.

Okay.

Now get going,

How does it feel?.

He likes it.

He always likes it

when he's lit up.

But I can still see him.

So can /,

So can I!

So can O'Klotz.

Something that should be here

is missing, I think.

I thoughtyou guys

got everything!

- Oh, we did, boss.

Didn't we, Foghorn?.

- Why, sure, we did.

- What's that?.

- I said, "Sure, we did."

Or did I?.

Something has gone wrong,

I think.

Hey,you!

Give me nack mypipes!

You let go of me

and I'll fight the pack ofyou!

Let go ofhim.

Ooh!

Take him down to the cellar

and let him cool off,

and then you do

what you should have done

in the first place.

You guys go back and get me the professor,

or I'll have all ofyou singing soprano.

Yeah, boss.

Get his head.

I got it.

Fires in July.

You are fussy.

You're a nuisance,

that's whatyou are,

An invisible female nuisance.

I didn't know

you two were talking.

We're not.

Why the fire?.

Well, there were so many cracks

about how awful my dress looked

without a head, I took it off.

But Tarzan overthere

is still as disagreeanle as ever,

You can both cheer up

because I think I found the formula

to make you visible again.

- Oh, professor!

- That's swell.

So d*ck will ne on his way

to Washington with the patents,

and you'll never have to

see each other again.

/sn't that nice?

So, uh, try and put up

with each other...

for just a little while longer,

hmm?.

Hmm.

Soyou're going

to Washington?.

Yes.

What's it toyou?.

You should have been there

years ago.

You've got the personality

ofa politician.

For a person

with no personality at all,

you've got no right to talk.

And stop crying.

I'm not crying.

I sniffled.

Even invisible ladies

can have manners.

Useyour handkerchief.

I'm no kangaroo.

I haven't got pockets

in my skin.

Here, use mine.

Ouch!

I'm sorry.

Did I hurtyou?.

Well, did I?.

I shook my head.

I can't see that.

Wait a minute.

Whereyou going?.

I got an idea

thatwill change thewhole

complexion ofthis thing.

professor's not the only inventor

around here. put this on.

Why?.

Well, at least

I can seeyou nod.

That looks silly.

It's the way

they're wearing them.

Stand up so I can see

whatyou look like.

Is that all

the talleryou are?.

Oh, silly, I'm onlytrying to find out

which is the front ofthis thing.

Is this better?.

Much.

What color did you say

your eyes were?.

Ifyou're so interested,

why don'tyou stick around

and find out?.

That's just

what I'm going to do.

Hey!

That's my hand, you know.

Yeah, I know.

Doyou mind ifl borrow it

for a minute?.

Mm-mmm.

It's a very nice hand.

It's very soft.

Very pleasant to the taste.

Um, whydoyou

closeyour eyes?

I can't seeyou.

I can at least imagine.

I know. I'm just a ghost

whereyou're concerned.

I'm nothin' but a nothin'.

Ifthis hand is any criterion,

you must have lovely lips,

beautiful hair, nice--

Thankyou, Richard.

That's a very charming compliment.

Oh, it's you.

Look, reagent

to counteract alcohol.

Kitty, my girl, I'll haveyou visible

beforeyou can sayJack--

Robinson.

I'm almost afraid

to be myself.

It's like making

a blind date.

What haveyou got to lose?.

You've already seen me.

You know, in a way, Richard,

I'm sorry to do this.

If more women

were invisible,

Iife would be much

less complicated.

And much less interesting.

That belongs

on the lamp, sir.

I know it.

It looks much better

with a bulb in it.

What's the g*n for?

It's a damp night, sir.

Doyou always wear a shotgun

to keepyou dry?.

Being damp out, it's foggy.

And being foggy,

it's a good cover

for the return attack...

ofthe th*gs

who took the machine.

I intend to patrol the grounds, sir,

which at least makes sense.

We needed that hole

forventilation, sir.

Oh, dear, oh, dear.

I'm so excited!

Sit still.

It will only take a minute.

Here.

You forgot to say ouch.

I'm so worried about

what he'll think of me.

I think he'll think

he likes you.

Yeah, but he's always

liked glamour girls...

with expensive clothes

and furs and things,

and all I've got is

this wrinkled old dress.

Whatyou really need

is a new outfit

to make an entrance in.

You needn't rub it in.

Wonderful thing,

these shopping services, really.

Guaranteed glamorous

oryour money back.

Oh.

Open it!

Oh, professor!

Oh! Oh!

Oh, professor.

Wait, wait.

Save those for Richard.

I charged it to his account.

I don't care.

You're a darling.

Wait, control yourself!.

Get dressed and knock him cold!

Oh, boy, will I!

Oh, isn't that lovely!

Just remember one thing,

young woman.

No alcohol or liquor

ofany sort.

When you dissipate,

you disappear.

Hey, buddy.

Huh?.

Oh, yes, sir.

Haveyou got a match?.

Why, yes, indeed, sir.

Hold it, will ya, bud?.

Why, certainly, sir.

Hey, you frightened him.

Do something.

Oh!

Oh, look at my hair.

It's a mess.

&&

Gosh,

she's taking her time.

professor,

what does she look like?.

Hmm, a girl, you know.

I never have paid much attention

to women myself.

Did she ever say anything

about me?.

Not a word.

Oh, she didn't, huh?.

Of course, it's a matter of

complete indifference to me.

/'m through with women,

anyway,

No, stay right

where you are.

I want to get

a good look at you.

Kitty, this is wonderful.

This is even better

than I expected.

d*ck!

Stick 'em up!

How dare you!

Frankie, get her off me!

- Here, hold this.

- Come on, lady.

Be a gentleman about this.

Oh, stop it! You're a fine one--

Leave me alone, you hear?.

Gimme that.

Come on.

Where are we going?.

You wouldn't trust a beautiful dame

like that with a couple oflugs like us,

would you?.

perhaps you're right.

Well, come on!

Before I resign, sir,

permit me to state...

there are prowlers about

and they've got my g*n.

Oh, my!

pleasant evening

for a drive.

We're not going for a drive.

We're being taken for a ride.

Why don't you look

where you're going?.

Hey, what--

George, did you have

to throw the fish?.

It's Friday, sir.

Now before you say,

"Where am I??" you're right here

in your own front hall.

You're quite all right.

Good grief!.

Kitty and the professor! They got 'em!

Ifthey did,

well, good riddance,

I'll say, sir.

pardon me, please.

Whatever it is,

we don't want any.

I want Mr. Russell.

Mr. Richard Russell.

He's out tuna hunting.

Huh?.

Who is it?

I don't know, sir,

but it sounds likeJenny Lind.

Let him in,

Come in.

I'm Mr. Russell.

I can tell you

where they took the girl

and the professor.

For the love--

For the love of pete, where?.

Down at Blackie Cole's

hideout in Mexico.

He's got the invention too.

George, get the airport.

Call the airport. We're leaving.

Oh, airport!

No, on the phone!

Oh, excuse me.

You don't know what this means

to me, Mr.-- What's your name?.

It used to be Foghorn.

How much farther is it?.

About five miles.

I hope the professor

hasn't shown them how

to use the machine.

As soon as he does,

Blackie will bump

both ofthem off.

That is, unless the professor

talks Blackie to death first.

Soyou see,

the entire principle...

is a combination

of chemical, biological

and dynamic influencing.

Cut out the stalling!

For an houryou've been

using big words.

professor, forthe love of Mike,

cut out the stalling.

I want to go home.

You'll both go home on a slab

ifthis guy don't come through.

I want to be invisible.

I don't blameyou.

Itwould be a decided

improvement.

Now, professor,

you either play ball with us...

orwe get rough

with the lady.

play ball?. I was never

any good at games.

You know what I mean.

Come clean about how

that machine works.

Make me invisible, or else.

I would very much

rather "else."

I did not invent

that machine...

to make K*llers

likeyou invisible.

How doyou know /'m a k*ller?

You have all the earmarks,

myfriend,

The constricted cerenellum,

the receding frontal bone,

the Lombrosian earlobe.

I got all that, huh?.

Mm-hmm.

Andyou are also given,,,

to sudden and unexpected

outbursts ofweeping.

Well, what doya know?.

You'd cry, too,

ifyou was exiled like me.

Sometimes I think I can

hardly stand it any longer.

Hey, lady!

Thatstuff'll melt

yournridgework,

Impossible.

I haven't any bridgework.

Isn't he silly, professor?.

I don't feel a thing.

The reagent must be

still functioning.

There's a molecular antagonism,

you know.

I don't get the scientific lingo,

but alcohol used to be my business.

But that stuff

is practicallyT.N.T.

Oh, in that case--

Lady, have a heart,

I've seen 'em drink hair tonic,

I've seen 'em drinkvanilla,

but never this!

Boss, look!

Look!

Attagirl!

Take this,,,

and that!

Here / am,

/fyou move fast,you can still

catch me in the dress,

Oh, faster than that,

Here / am,

No, no, no,

Over here,

I don't know

my own strength.

Stri ke one!

Look out, shorty.

You're next.

Better put that down

oryou'll break it.

There.

Now you look like a fish.

Blackie! Blackie!

Blackie!

You big fish.

A little bit ofthis

will putyou right to sleep.

You're even dizzier

thanyou look,

Strike two!

And now to nlack out Blackie,

What do you say, Blackie?.

How about you and I

going over this room

with your fine-tooth comb?.

That's the only way

you'll ever find me.

How to have fun at parties.

Why be a wallflower?.

You, too, can ne invisinle

in six easylessons,

Amaze your friends.

Amaze yourself.

Now, just follow me.

Come on, Blackie.

You may not be able to catch me,

but you might catch on to the trick.

Over here.

/'ve always wondered

how this thing works,

My, nut it's pretty, isn't it?

Come on, Blackie.

Come on, let's look

at this closer.

This way. Here I am.

Now the whole secret is

to touch the wire cylinder.

That must ne

quite a shock toyou,

Strike three! You're out!

- How am / doing?

- Fine. Untie me.

Notyet, professor,

There are more ofthem outside,

You're safer here,

Whee! Set 'em up

in the other alley!

Miss Kitty!

Yes, professor.

Are you all right?

Never felt better.

Look, I 'm mistress

of all I survey!

Good,

Something seems to be

the matterwith my feet.

They're all tied up,

Huh?.

I never thought of that.

Hey, somebody's coming.

/ think it's--

Yes, it's d*ck!

He can't rescue me

this easy, he can't.

/fhe wants me,

let him fight forme,

You take the back door

and I'll take the front door.

And I'll be in Brooklyn

before you.

Oh, no, you don't.

Open up in there!

We'll scare 'em out.

Yeah, we'll scare them.

Those are the noisiest

grasshoppers I ever heard.

Christopher Columbus!

We're being shot at!

Help! Help!

It's Kitty. We've got to go to her.

Let's try and make her

come to us.

Here, Kitty, Kitty, Kitty.

Here, Kitty. Here, Kitty.

Here, Kitty, Kitty, Kitty,

Here, Kitty,

It serves you right.

That's what you get for

putting me in that Turkish bath

and turning me into a tenor.

You double-crossed me.

Sure, I double-crossed you.

You had it coming toyou.

I-- Gee!

I got my pipes back.

Thanks, boss.

That's all right.

Let bygones be bygones.

Now my pipes are gone.

- Oh, help!

- I don't know why I should be afraid.

professor, where's Kitty?.

No, no, not that!

Anything nut that!

- What was that?.

- That was Kitty.

Help, help!

I'm drowning!

Where are you?.

Right beside you.

We fell for each other

in a big way after all.

You're all wet,

but-- but I loveyou.

Well, he may have

Mrs. Russell's coloring,

but he definitely resembles

our side ofthe family, sir.

He has your eyes.

Oh, yes, my eyes exactly.

I'm not so sure

about that.

Who doyou think

he looks like, professor?

A bit like me, don't you think?.