Lemonade Blessing (2025)

[bunniefuu]

(Mary) Why am I up?

I just wanted to see how your

night was-

-whatd you do tonight?

(Pete) I went to

Meg and Larry's.

(Mary) That's right,

that's right-

-Meg and Larrys.

(Pete) What's going on?

(Mary) What what what?

(Mary) Nothings

going on, I-

-I just want to see

how your night was!

(Pete) Youre just up waiting-

-to see how Meg

and Larry were?

(Mary) Yeah, hows

her leg doing?

(Pete) Okay.

(Mary) Really?

(Mary) Because it wasnt

fine a week ago.

(Pete) I know,

its a week later.

(Pete) I think- something

is going on,

-and it would be better if

you just told me.

(Mary) Nothings

going on with you?

(Pete) No.

(Pete) How about we

calm down?

(Mary) I am calm-

-don't tell me to be

calm, dont tell me-

-to calm down,

you know I hate that.

(Mary) Okay, I am calm.

Okay? So tell me, how is-

[Unintelligible]

(Pete) -what is going on?!

[Unintelligible]

(Mary) Why dont you tell me

the f*cking truth?

(Pete) Why are you angry?

(Mary) I am not angry,

Stop saying that I am angry!

(Pete) What am I lying about?!

(Mary) Im gonna call Meg, Im

gonna call Meg and were gonna

(Mary) Dont f*cking t-

dont f*cking touch me.

(Pete) [unintelligible]

-crazy person

(Pete) What are you

accusing me of?!

(Mary) How f*cking stupid-

(Mary) -do you think I am!?

Tell me youre not

f*cking around!

She is slotted in-

-every Thursday like

a trip to the-

-f*cking

dry cleaners!

Oh, stop, stop stop-

(Pete) Why is he awake?

(Mary) My baby-

(Mary) Piece of sh*t.

f*ck off...

You're really good.

And you're always

going to be really goo-

[Masturbation noises]

[KNOCK]

(Mary) John? Everything

okay in there?

Yeah.

Well, you're taking

a long time.

It's been a while.

Yeah, I know, sorry, I'm just-

I'm just scrubbing. I'm just-

I have to be clean

for orientation.

(Mary) I don't see your

phone in your bedroom.

You arent- you aren't

looking at-

-anything, bad,

in there, right?

No... nope, it's a

game walkthrough.

It's fine.

(Mary) Okay, okay.

(Mary) I believe you.

(Mary) You know what,

I'm just going to stay here-

-until youre finished,

just to be sure.

I'd prefer if I had

a little bit of privacy.

I know you want privacy,

honey, but boys your age-

(John) Mom, you know me,

Im being good-

-Im not doing

anything wrong.

(Mary) No no no,

you want to sin-

-do it at your

father's house-

-okay? From now on-

-phones stay outside

the bathroom.

Just so you know

what's here for breakfast-

-we have almond butter,

multigrain toast-

-bananas, oranges,

apples, pears-

Is it true we have to pray

before every class?

(Mary) And the

Angelus at midday.

Theres hard boiled

eggs, sliced prosciutto-

-turkey chili, lemonade,

chocolate skim milk-

(John) I heard if a guys

hair touches his collar-

-they make you get-

-a buzz cut in the

mens bathroom?

(Mary) Your hair's

pretty short, so...

White dress shirt-

-nice and ironed,

khaki slacks-

-tie is done, all you

need to do is loosen it-

-here's your belt, penny

loafers are at the door.

Is it true they hit us with

rulers when we mess up?

Oh, they stopped

doing that years ago.

You have your

planner, notebooks-

-multicolored

folders, pencil case-

-six sharpened

number two pencils-

-a pen with blue ink-

-a pen with black ink,

a sharpie-

(John) Thanks, Mom.

You're excited, right?

Yeah, yeah. Of course.

Your first day of

high school...

Ugh! I still

remember the-

-doctor putting

you in my arms.

You had these-

-these little bumps right

here, and right here.

I love you.

I love you extra.

[Student Chatter]

(John) Hi, uh...

Excuse me-

do you want to sit?

Erm, no its cool.

I kinda like standing.

(Whispering Student)

Teacher!

(Mrs. Groff) Good morning,

ladies and gentlemen.

My name is Mrs. Groff.

It is my sincere wish-

-that none of you

get to know me-

-during your four

years at St. Dymphnas.

Save nap time for

the ride home.

Fill in your name.

Give this to Mr. De Luca,

after school, room 232.

I'm sorry, I have to

take a lot of buses-

-buses to get here

in the morning...

Go to bed earlier.

Itll be worth it!

If you choose to

wear a colored bra-

-don't whine to me

when your-

-chest gets pinched

in the hallway.

[Connor giggles]

Your fly is undone-

-and your shirt

is sopping wet.

You all lack polish!

But, don't lose hope.

Dymphnas is where

you come to meet God.

Dymphnas is where you go,

to become yourself.

Dymphnas is my alma mater!

In fact, this is

the very room-

-where I met my husband.

Do you know how I met him?

[Garry stammers]

He offered me his seat.

Oh, okay...

Oh! Oh.

Young men,

can you take a hint?

Uh, hey, can you please sit?

No, I told you,

I like standing.

Have you wet yourself-

-or do you have

some excitement-

-you're trying to hide?

No no no no, I, I, I tried-

-to give her my seat,

but she likes standing.

I uhm, I kept asking

him nicely-

-but all he did was

yank my pigtails.

Wh-what? No, no-

that's not-

-that's not

what happened!

(Lilith) [Feigning Distress]

Yeah it is.

(Garry Snoring)

Garry?

Garry?!

What are you in for?

I was the only guy who didn't

stand in the music room.

Damn. Did you have

a b*ner or something?

No- I don't- no, man. I...

...a girl tricked me.

Mmm... thats pretty hot.

[Whispering] Hey...

they uh, they caught me-

-watching cake fart videos.

What?

(Angelo) Yeah, yeah.

This naked girl, she

sits her a*s on a cake-

-and just farts on it.

She doesnt sh*t or anything.

Just farts.

(John) Oh...

(Angelo) I can send it to you.

You can see-

-you can pick your

favorite-

-we can

talk about it.

Maybe some other time.

I mean, it, yeah, it

sounds pretty hot-

-but like, not,

that's like an after-

that's like, an end

of the week-

-type video

I feel, you know?

[Bus Engine]

[Student Chatter]

[Transcendent Score Creeps In]

[Bus Sounds Fade Away]

[Wind Blowing Through Leaves]

(Mary) Did you sign up

for Eucharistic Ministry?

Oh. Uhh, no.

I'm sorry, it must have

slipped my mind.

Okay.

How about this?

We uh- we take away

your games for tonight-

-and uhhh, just- every

night until you sign up.

What, no, Mom, I-

I'll remember to

do it tomorrow-

(Mary) No no, I insist.

Too many games are bad-

-for the developing mind.

[Hallway Chatter]

(Lilith) My Dads such

a piece of sh*t.

(Bridget) What happened?

Hes like, down in

Miami partying-

-while my mom gets-

-stuck at home raising four

kids.

(Bridget) Oh, my God,

I can't even imagine that.

Are your parents divorced?

Yeah.

Mine too.

(Bridget) All right,

Ill see you...

When did your Dad leave?

When did your Dad leave?

Uh, like, four years ago,

I think.

Uh, yeah... mine left around

that time as well.

Im sorry.

Are you doing okay?

I never want to see him

again, so, yeah.

Could I borrow a pencil?

Oh, uh, yeah, sure.

[Hallway Chatter

Briefly Fades]

Thanks.

I'm John.

Lilith.

(Angelo) Where would

you guys c*m, a*s or t*ts?

(Connor) Uhh, yeah,

Id say shoulders.

(Angelo) [Whispering] John,

look under the table.

I dont really want to

look under the table, guys, I-

(Angelo) Just look!

(John) Whats under the...

[Female porn

star moaning]

(John) Ugh, god, what

the f*ck?

(Angelo) Where

would you c*m?

(John) What?

(Angelo) Where would you c*m?

I mean, outside, I guess.

Outside? What? What

do you mean? How are you-

Why are you

bringing her outside?

(Angelo) How many times

a day do you jerk off?

I mean, I don't have an

approximate number.

I mean, I don't really get

a lot of opportunities.

I wish I could, but,

you know-

-my Moms always

trying to-

-stop me when I'm

at her house.

What do mean your Mom

tries to stop you?

What, does she-

-grab your d*ck, and

do it herself?

(Connor) Haha, yeah does

your Mom grab your d*ck?

Connor, I just said that.

You just heard me say that.

You gotta... you gotta

come up something else, man.

She just knows

somehow that I'm-

-you know, jerking it.

(Garry) Gaaaaay.

Im sorry, Im sorry-

(Angelo) Lets go back to

watching this video...

[Cafeteria Chatter Fades]

[Transcendent Music Returns]

(Brother Phil) You here for

E.M. sign-ups?

Oh, uh, uh, yeah, hi-

Im um, Im John.

Bless you. Father.

Im a brother, actually, but

it's nice to meet you, John.

I'm Phil.

So, you want to be

a Eucharistic minister?

Yeah, well, my Mom wanted...

I- I guess...

I, I think I want to have

my own thing, with God.

Yeah, there's nothing

wrong with-

wanting to be close on

your own terms, but...

-how can you act as a,

a bridge...

...between Christ

and His church-

-if you don't have your

own relationship with Him?

Well, I...

I don't know.

I've sort of had this feeling-

-ever since I was a kid, that,

someone was with me-

-like, every second

of the day.

And, it felt

good to know-

I had someone

there seeing-

-all the

beautiful stuff...

...and all the

ugly stuff too.

Do you think that's God?

Meet me here,

after school, on Friday-

-if you want to

start your training.

(Brother Phil) Yeah?

(John) Yeah.

[Barely Audible Mary

Praying Nearby]

(Mary) -now and at the

hour of our death. Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace,

the Lord is with thee.

Blessed art thou

amongst women, and-

-blessed is the fruit

of thy womb, Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God,

pray for us sinners-

-now and at the hour

of our death, Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace,

the Lord is with thee.

Blessed art thou

amongst women-

-and blessed is the fruit

of thy womb, Jesus.

(Lilith) You look nervous.

Uh, yeah, a little bit.

Uh, h- hey, listen...

would, uhm-

-would you ever wanna

be boyfriend?

Be, be uh- have uh-

have a boyfriend?

What?

Ugh- God Im sorry, I-

-uh, do you want

to go out on a date?

Uh well, I mean, I've

already been asked out by-

-like, 11 guys today, so,

I'll consider your offer.

Wow, yeah. 11, okay. But...

I think... you know-

-I like that your

parents are divorced.

(Lilith) What?

(John) No, sorry, sorry-

-I mean, like, I can

relate, and I-

-I don't know, I wanted

to get to know you better.

All my friends talk

about is, like-

-jerking off, so.

Oh-h*... but you're

like, a mature guy.

Uhh...

[deep voice] yeah.

Well, I don't want to

date anyone-

-who believes in God-

-or the tooth fairy

or Santa, so-

(John) I only believe

in one of those, though-

-and that's just cuz

I keep finding-

-money under

my pillow.

Well, youre no Abercrombie

and Fitch model, but...

(John) But...?

(Lilith) I need you to

say something.

Yeah, sure. Anything.

I'll say anything.

Say f*ck Jesus for me.

[Hallway Chatter Fades]

[Percussive Score]

Yeah. Okay. Sure.

Yeah, f*ck Jesus.

Fffff-

[Clears throat]

Sorry...

Ffffff-ull of love, love

for all, you know.

Okay. No, it has to be

like, f*ck you, Jesus.

Yeah, sure, right.

[Female Students

Giggling]

f*ck, Jesus!

(Lilith) No, thats like you

ran into Jesus at the park.

f*ck, [coughs] Jesus.

No. One statement. Go.

Jesus f*ck.

(Lilith) In order!

(John) [mumbles]

(Lilith) Okay dude I need to

be able to hear it.

(John) [mumbles louder]

(Lilith) Just f*cking say it!

(John) [growls] f*ck Jesus,

okay? f*ck Jesus!

[Hallway chatter returns]

(Lilith) Good.

We can hang out Friday,

uh, after school?

Sounds, like a plan.

(Lilith) Yeah, see ya.

(Mary) And who is this?

-nothing, no one in

particular, you know?

[Sly gloating] Ohhh

no one, nothing-

Do you have a little crush?

You gonna put her next

to your algebra teacher?

Oh, no, Mom, Miss

Quail was years ago.

I dont even

have her Mii anymore.

Yeah, you know, I don't-

I don't have a crush, okay?

I have- I have a girlfriend.

(Mary) Oh.

Okay. Oh. Uhh...

She a good girl? She Catholic?

(John) Yeah, she goes to,

she goes to Dymphnas, yeah.

Beautiful, uhm...

so you have a date?

Maybe.

Mmm! Okay-

alright, uhm...

What uh, what are you

going to wear?

I have this pretty cool-

-Walking Dead t-shirt.

Like, we can iron that.

Oh, baby, baby, I think

maybe a nice button up-

-you roll up the sleeves,

a little bow tie, ugh!

So cute- okay, Ill

go to Marshalls tomorrow.

Oh. Uh... okay...

...let's have a little talk.

Okay?

Wait a month before

hugging... and then, just...

...don't, you know, dont-

-don't hug too tightly because

it could encourage your...

...your baser instincts.

Mom, I don't think

we're that close yet.

Good. Well, I hope she

passes the Mom test.

(John) The Mom test?

If you look happy

next to her, she passes.

Ooh! First date!

(School Bell Ringing)

(Female Student)

Excuse me?

(John) Angelo!

(Angelo) Jesus!

(Angelo) What are you,

trying to f*ck me?

(John) You wish. Whats up?

Well, I just sh*t the bed on

my first English quiz, so...

...theres that. (John)

That sucks, man. I'm sorry.

(John) Hey, listen, could

you do me a quick favor?

Could you run to the

chapel-

-and tell Brother Phil

I can't make-

-E.M. training? Tell him

my Grandpa has cancer.

You can pick the organ.

I don't know, man.

I don't really feel

comfortable-

-talking to priests.

I always feel like they're

trying to-

-suck my d*ck

or something.

Well, he's a brother, so.

Oh, sorry, so hes gonna

f*ck me in the a*s instead?

Dude, help me out.

I have a date.

You have a mom, right?

Yeah. We all have moms.

Yeah, but yours is like...

Send me a picture of her.

Ughh no way dude!

I dont want you jerking off

to my Mom!

Youre a sick little f*ck,

you know that?

I just wanna

see what she looks like.

Look, my bus leaves

in three minutes, so-

-just send me a little

pic of Mrs. Santucci.

No- listen, you guys

can come over-

-to my house

this weekend-

-alright? You can meet her.

Shes a kind,

respectable woman.

[Student Chatter Fades]

We're going to get pizza.

White pie.

I get my own white pie.

Deal.

You got a Wii?

I got a Wii.

(Pete) Paul, Paul!

Hey- listen, I- I hear you.

Yes, Im listening,

buddy, yeah.

What I need you

to do is-

-I need you to

calm down, okay?

And what you

need to do is-

-listen to me,

alright, buddy?

Alright? Alr- hey!

Ears on. Ears on.

Okay? If- let's say-

let's talk logic.

Logic! Its very simple.

If you double your

rate of failure-

-you triple your

rate of success.

If we sell tile to ten

people-

-and they tell

ten of their friends-

-and they tell ten...

(John) Hey, Dad,

guess what?

Hey, buddy, what's up?

I have a girlfriend!

Hey! Same here.

High five.

Oh, yeah. Awesome.

Good, good for you, uh...

What about...

...what about rook to E2?

I mean, you could sack it

and then-

(Pete) -fork

the king with the rook.

Not bad.

Listen, I uh, I have

a date tonight-

-and I need a ride.

You need money for

a taxi?

The change jar

could use emptying.

Oh, sh*t. I should

have seen that.

Dad, I was thinking

maybe you could drive me?

She's also a child of

divorce and-

-her Mom

wants to meet me.

I thought it would be cool

if you two like, got-

(Pete) Listen-

I have had... a day.

I can't even tell you.

I just got home,

I got my feet up...

I really...

I just need to... relax.

Yeah, yeah.

Sorry, my Dad's trying

to get rid of his change.

Thank you. Have a-

stay safe.

Hi, I'm John- no, wait...

Ive heard so much-

no, f*ck...

Hi. I'm John. Great to...

[Doorbell]

You can go. Its fine,

go, Im here...

(Bruce) Hello.

(John) Uh, hi.

You must be Rachel's

special friend.

Yeah. I'm John. Great to-

-great to meet you.

Is that your Dad back there?

Can I say hello to him?

(John) No no no, I-

-I don't know who that guy is.

Uh, my dad just got here.

He drove-

-he just left. He drove me.

He's very...

-he wanted to make sure

I got here safe and sound.

He's very invested in...

getting me...

He's very invested in me,

you know, just in general-

You can come in.

Rachel! Hes here.

(Lilith) Hey.

(John) Hey.

You look, uh...

(Bruce) Where'd you get that?

Uh, I don't know, Hollister?

Thats a... tight fit.

Okay?

Why don't you

put on something-

-that tells me you

respect yourself?

(Lilith) Dad...

(Bruce) I mean-

-dont you agree?

I, I- I- first of all,

I think I have, a lot of...

...respect, for your daughter.

I'm talking about

the tank top.

I, I like the fabric,

I mean...

[Squeaky chair]

We have something

in common, John.

You know what that is?

Are you a, Mets fan?

You know-

-David Wright's been having-

-a hell of a season,

you know?

I'm actually a Yankees fan.

Yeah. You know,

I- I love-

-the Yankees, too,

I mean...

Right...

But, there is something

specific that we both share.

Yeah, we're both Catholic.

Yeah.

Yes, yes...

...but there is a

particular person-

-in our lives that

we both care about.

Right, thats Jesus.

No, John...

It's Rachel.

Yeah, Rachel!

That makes sense.

I mean, I was-

I was just thinking of Him.

I would like to know-

-what your intentions

are with my daughter.

Well, I guess I'm drawn to

Lil- Rachel-

-because she said her

parents were divorced.

Wait wh-

what did she tell you?

(Clara) So good to meet you.

(John) So good as well.

So good.

And what a lovely, uh...

...intact, family unit.

(Bruce) Rachel, would you

like to lead us in prayer?

I'd love it if John

could lead us, actually.

Well, thank you,

Rachel, and-

-thank you, God, for...

honesty.

Thank you for all of

your holy children who-

-represent themselves

accurately. Amen.

Actually, I'd like to

add something.

Lord, thank you for

those who are adaptable.

Thank you for our

brothers-

-sisters who

know how to-

-go with the flow

and not take-

-every little

thing so seriously.

(Lilith) Amen.

(John) That was beautiful,

Rachel, and I might add-

Thank you God,

for the-

-responsible souls

among us.

Thank you for those

who take ownership-

-over their sins-

-say, lying, for example- ow.

(Lilith) Great God

of all things-

Thank you so much

for your children-

-who know how to

appreciate-

-an active

imagination.

Holy Spirit, thank you for

the blessed few-

-that would never-

-dress up a vice

and call it a virtue.

(Lilith) God, thank you for-

-those who know when

to shut up and eat.

(John) Thank you Lord Jesus-

-for those who don't

have an appetite-

-because they feel hurt-

-when they've been lied to.

(Bruce) I'd like to

add something.

Thank you Lord for

all of your children-

-who go to

Eucharistic adoration-

-as penance for making

a scene at dinner.

Are you serious?

My first date at adoration?!

I wanted to hang out-

-or go for a walk, or

like literally anything else.

Youre 15 years old,

Rachel. Ill decide-

-where you can and

can't go-

-with your

special friend.

He's my boyfriend.

Mom, can we just hang out?

HEY!

Do not wedge yourself-

-between your

mother and father.

(John) Oh, nice-

nice one.

(Lilith) Yeah... you werent

much help back there.

(John) Sorry, I didn't know-

-you were going to

have a Dad.

(Lilith) Yeah, well,

I wish I didn't, so.

(John) So you just

lied about it?

(Lilith) Its not a lie if

it makes you feel better.

Wow, okay... well-

-I'm glad you're

feeling better.

And just so you know,

I'm six-foot-four-

Okay. Can you stop?!

(John) Its not a lie if

it makes you feel better.

I didn't know what to

tell you, okay?

Because like,

I don't like him at all-

-I don't even like my name-

-I didn't want to

go to this-

-f*cking school

he makes me go to-

I don't know what

you want me to do-

-okay?!

Could you maybe

talk to your Mom about it?

My Mom's like...

...that picture of

a face with no mouth, so.

Wow. Our Moms

are really different.

(Lilith) Is yours super

controlling?

Oh, no no no

no, she's- she's like-

-she just likes to

look out for me, is all.

Was that her?

Wh- no no no

no, I dress myself, so.

Well, it looks a little

dumb. Just FYI.

Oh, sorry, let me just-

Well, I mean, you

wore it, so.

Actually, I can fix it.

Yeah.

(John) Where-

where are we going?

(Lilith) Just-

come on. Youll see.

(John) Okay.

(John) So uh, do you

come here often, or?

(Lilith) Uh... yeah.

Like, alone or with your-

with your family, or?

Well, I mean, like, yeah,

my Dad makes me come here-

-but, I dont know,

I found-

-this spot

that I kind of like.

(John) You come here alone?

Yeah, always.

I- I usually come with my Mom-

-if she's not busy, you know.

Well, yeah. That makes sense.

(John) Yeah.

(Lilith) Yeah, they usually

just drop me off.

(John) Thats,

Im sorry to hear-

-that sounds lonely.

It's okay.

(John) Garry.

(Connor) Garry. Garry.

(Everyone) Garry.

Garry! Garry! Garry!

(John) Garry! Wake up!

(Connor) Garry, please

wake up.

(Connor) Wake up, youre

going to k*ll us.

(Garry) [drowsy]

What game is this?

(John) Mario.

(Mary) [Italian accent] Did

somebody order a pizza?

(Angelo) Thank you so

very much, Mrs. Santucci.

(Mary) Oh please,

call me Miss Romano.

(Connor) Of course,

yeah yeah yeah.

(Mary) Okay boys, have fun!

(John) Thanks, Mom.

(John) Dont say it-

(Boys) Dude, shes SO hot!

(Angelo) I'm taking a photo

with her before I leave.

Dude, I'll f*cking

k*ll you, okay?

(Garry) Number one MILF,

on the list, for sure...

Ahh. Don't touch that pie.

Thats my pie.

Oh, how did the date go?

She touch your p*nis? Mouth?

Hands? Over the jeans?

No. Well, I think it went-

yeah, it was great, actually.

We, we went to adoration,

and held hands-

-and talked and...

held hands.

[Laughter]

(Angelo) What did you

skip through the-

-f*cking meadow together?

(Garry) What, you just

f*cking held her hand?

Yeah. Is there a problem?

(Connor) Dude, she

thinks you're g*y.

(Angelo) Definitely.

(Angelo) I mean, you can't

even know if-

-she likes you unless

you make out with her.

(Angelo) Like you probably

gotta feel downstairs-

-see if she's wet, too.

Like, you have no idea.

(Connor) And if shes shaved?

f*ck. Yeah, definitely.

If she hasn't shaved-

-she wasn't looking

forward to anything.

Okay, how do you guys

know all this?

(Angelo) Because we're

f*cking experts, all right?

We've done our research.

Okay, well, how many-

-how many girls have

you guys dated?

(Angelo) Well, zero, but-

-I watch a lot of porn,

alright?

I know what

I'm talking about.

(Student Announcer)

Class of 2012-

-this is your

last chance-

-to submit to Project

Appreciation-

-to receive

the Early Bird discount.

(Student Announcer 2)

Please hurry home-

-and tell your parents.

This is so much more

than a trip to Israel.

(John) [whispering] Hi.

(Lilith) [whispering] Hey.

(John) How-

how are you doing?

Fine, how are you?

Pretty good...

overall, you know.

(John) I had a lot of fun,

the other day.

(John) Did you want to-

-hang out again

at some point?

Yeah, you wanna go-

-watch people bowl

with me?

Go bowling?

(Lilith) No. I like

watching the bowlers.

It's fun. And then, you don't-

-have to pay or anything-

-and they actually can't

kick you out.

I've done it before.

Yeah, it sounds,

it sounds lovely.

You know, I'm cool

with whatever-

-as long as its

with you.

Yeah.

[Romantic Music]

(Student Announcer 2) And,

will John Santucci-

-please see Brother Phil

in his office.

John! Sit down.

So sorry about Friday-

my Grandpa, he-

Oh, no, I, I heard.

How's everything at home?

Are you all right?

Oh, no no. I'm good,

Moms good.

It's just like, you know-

-a whole, a total

tragedy, you know-

-just, cancer of the,

of the, the-

(Brother Phil) the liver?

(John) The liver. Yeah.

Yeah. Its tough, it's

really, it's really tough.

But... is there any way-

-I can make up for

my training?

(Brother Phil) John...

(John) Yeah.

Is this what you

want to do?

(John) Yeah.

(Brother Phil)

Don't say the-

-first thing that

pops in your head.

(Brother Phil) Think about it.

(John) Well, Im sure-

(Borther Phil) No, no, no,

no. Don't talk.

Just sit and think.

(John) Sure.

(Brother Phil) No, John.

(Brother Phil) Just...

breathe with me.

Do you think when

Satan fell from Heaven...

...his friends saw

him falling?

Or his Mom?

Did he have a Mom?

If I held a g*n to your head-

-and told you to say

you love me-

-and you did, does that

constitute love in your mind?

Probably not.

Right. Love can't come

from a place of fear.

The Eucharist...

its not about-

-being who somebody

wants you to be.

It's about being like Christ.

Can I serve at the

next monthly mass?

If you keep working on

your relationship with God.

No distractions.

Okay.

Thank you, Bro Phil.

Oh. Uh, sorry, am I early?

No, no. Come in, we were

just wrapping it up.

And John... no distract-

[Booming Score]

(John) [whispering] Hey.

(Lilith) [whispering] What?

(John) Can I kiss you?

(Lilith) Uhm... okay...

(Lilith) But!

(Lilith) This is holy water,

from Lordes.

(John) Wow, doesnt that,

like, cure cancer?

See that dog over there?

[Tense Music]

(Friend) Hi?

Hi, excuse me, can I-

I'm sorry, I, I mean-

-I, I saw you

from over there-

-and I- your dog from

over there-

-and I thought it

looked cute.

Can I pet him, or her?

(Maggie) Guys, does

he look weird?

He's like...

McLovin adjacent.

Yeah, you can pet her.

Okay, cool, yeah.

You know, I love

the McRib, too, uhm...

So uh, how-

how did the game go?

(Maggie) Let's just say-

-the dog did better

than us.

Oh, thats- sorry to hear.

Like, is it, like,

classically trained?

(Maggie) Well, she is a

professional doggo.

(John) O-okay... so uh...

...have you guys been

here for a while?

A couple hours, yeah.

(John) How long have you-

-how long have you had

him or, her?

(Maggie) Chloe, I've

had her about five years.

(Friend) Excuse me.

What is that?

(John) What is what?

(Friend) What is that that

you're putting in the bowl?

(Maggie) What's going on?

(Friend) Hes putting

something into Chloes bowl.

(John) No- no no

its holy water!

Its holy, its holy

water from Lordes.

(John) It's fine.

(Friend) Can you leave?

(Owner) What's going on here?

(Maggie) This person is trying

to poison my damn dog.

(John) No no, no, you

can drink it, see! It's-

[Choking]

Sorry.

(Lilith Giggling)

(Lilith) That was fun.

For you, I bet.

For you too!

Can I kiss you?

Take off your sweatshirt.

Okay.

Come under!

Oh, okay.

Let's pretend...

...we're in a cave,

at the bottom of the ocean.

Serene.

Wow.

I think I love you.

Youre silly...

Sorry. Was- was the-

was the kiss not good, or?

No, it was acceptable.

Acceptable? Like, you know-

-compared to all the other

guys youve kissed?

Well I haven- well,

Ive... uhm, I don't know-

-I mean, I've made

out with, like-

-20 or... 40, guys, so...

(John) Uh-huh.

Well, you're the

first girl I've kissed, so...

Well, maybe you

just need more practice.

I'm gonna need you guys

to get off my property.

Right, yeah, o-okay, yeah.

Do you think I'm g*y?

(Lilith) What? No.

(John) Okay, okay. Cool.

Do you kiss

other guys like this?

(Lilith) What does that mean?

(John) No, like, am I-

-am I doing better?

Has a guy ever touched you,

like, down there?

Do you not like

kissing me or something?

Yeah, no, I do, I, I do

like kissing you, Im sorry.

Im being dumb,

I'm being stupid.

I'm sorry. I just, like...

I dont know, I

thought if we did-

-something youve

never done before-

-then that's how I'd

know you like me.

I just want to kiss-

-and youre talking

about other guys.

No, no, no, I just,

I just want to kiss, too.

I j- I'm, look, I, I

do like you, okay?

I, I, I mean, I told you I

loved you, so...

(Lilith)

Those are just words.

Okay, well,

how can I-

-show you that

I love you?

What if you, like,

got a Bible, and like...

...lit it on fire?

Jesus, wh- what?

(Lilith) I mean, there's a

lot of Bibles in the world.

Like, literally every hotel

room.

(John) It just seems

like a waste of paper...

[Phone buzzing]

What? Whos calling you?

(Mary) Hey, baby!

(Mary) John?

Where are you?

You must be

John's little friend.

Yeah. I'm Lilith,

John's girlfriend.

(Lilith) Its nice to

meet you, Mrs. Santucci.

Oh, I prefer Mrs. Romano,

if you don't mind.

What are you two

doing behind the shed?

We were-

we were just-

-taking pictures.

Its a nice background.

You know, I- I've-

-heard such nice

things about you.

(Mary) And I've heard

so little about you.

Tell me, Lily, how are you

doing in school?

Uh, very well, so far.

All A's in English, algebra-

-earth science, scriptures,

church history-

Well well well, look at you.

There must be some class

youre doing poorly in.

(John) Mom, Mom-

(Lilith) Oh, no, I'm pretty

much good at everything.

And what about your faith,

do you attend mass?

Every Sunday.

And what about your

faith, Mrs. Santucci?

Have you gotten an annulment-

-to absolve the sin of

your divorce yet?

[Pained chuckle]

Does she not pass

the Mom test?

(Mary) Do you look happy?

I really like her.

Is that your heart,

or something else?

Wh- what?

(Mary) When you are sucking

face behind a shed-

-is that your heart or

something in your pants?

M-Mom seriously? (Mary) No,

you want to be an adult?

Let's talk like adults.

Why do you like her

so much?

(John) I- I dont know,

shes always-

She's really clever.

And she always-

-knows when she

doesnt like something.

And like, I don't, I

dont feel like-

-lonely, when

Im with her.

Great metric. Toss away

all your hopes for a partner-

- and marry so

you can feel less-

-lonely, just- thats...

works every time.

(John) Okay, Mom.

[Quiet Score]

Hey, can you help

settle a debate?

(Mary) What do you mean?

My friends and I were

arguing about-

-whether the

English Standard-

-or the New Living

Translation-

-is the least holy Bible.

Pff, youre arguing

least holy-

-and no one brought up

the King James Version?

[Convection Oven DING]

[g*nshots and Zombie

Groans from TV]

(Connor) Pizza Boys

are ready.

(Angelo) Oh sh*t, Garry,

get the Pizza Boys... Garry!

Angelo, is this your Bible?

(Angelo) Huh?

(John) Is this your Bible?

(Angelo) Uh, yeah.

Yeah, that's my dads.

(Angelo) Hey, can you

get the Pizza Boys?

(John) Yeah, yeah.

You know, this is,

like, the-

-least Holy Bible

there is.

Its like negative holy.

(Angelo) Yeah-

Can you please get

the Pizza Boys?

Look at Garry, hes

f*ck losing weight-

-Im worried about him.

(John) Yeah- Im just,

I don't know-

-this Bible is like-

I'm not... Im really

not vibing with it.

Like, could I

bring this to-

-a priest real quick

just so I can-

-exorcise any demons-

-that could be lurking

inside of it?

Yes, sure, sure. Just, get

the Pizza Boys, and uh...

...that uh, that friend

of your girlfriends, just-

give me an invitation

to her Sweet 15.

Bridget?

Yeah. Yeah, whatever

her name is-

-I dont remember.

You got a little crush?

No, I don't have a crush,

I just want to- f*ck off!

(John) Why do you

want to see her?

I mean, you don't know

her name-

-but you

want to see her.

(Angelo) The pizza!

(John) Yeah, okay.

[Tense Music]

[Music swells]

(Lilith) Lets do it now.

(John) Like- like, now,

now? Right now?

(Lilith) Yeah. It would be

so bad. Lets do it.

(John) I mean, okay,

if you want...

Oh. Youre...

pretty wet down there.

(Lilith)

Well, yeah, weve-

-been making out

for a half hour.

Yeah, but I'm also

kind of feeling-

-youre kind of hairy-

-down there too.

Does that mean

you only half like me?

(Lilith) What- am I

supposed to be shaved?

(John) No no no no no no.

I just, you know, I have it

on good information-

-that if you're shaved-

-then that means

you're really excited.

(Lilith) Oh, are you shaved?

(John) Well, no,

but I can be-

-my Mom has a

razor at home-

(Lilith) Okay, just- stop.

Can you just finger me

and we both keep our pubes?

(John) Yeah, okay.

(John) Uhm sorry, how am I-

(Lilith) No, I think you have

to like, move, your finger.

(John) Oh, oh, okay, how-

here?

(Lilith) No, thats my thigh.

(John) Oh, uhm...

(Lilith) Oh yeah...

that ones good, just like-

[Cheesy Meditation Music]

(Affirmation Voice) Welcome

to affirmations for abundance.

Before we begin, take in

a deep centering breath...

...in through your nose...

...and out through your mouth.

(John) Hey, Dad.

(Pete) Come in.

(Afifrmation Voice)

I am inviting infinite wealth-

(Pete) I am inviting infinite

wealth into my life.

You want to meditate?

I'm okay. Thanks.

(Pete) I use money to

improve the lives of others.

Actually, can I talk

to you for a second?

[Meditation Music Stops]

You okay?

(John) Yeah. Of course,

Dad, I'm just...

...are you all right?

Um, yeah.

Do you know when

the last time-

-you went

to confession was?

Ahh, John...

Well...

...it's been a while.

(John) Hmm.

See this?

This is your soul.

And every time you, uh,

get a divorce, or whatever...

You do that.

And that's not going

to fly-

-when you get

judged after you die.

And I want to hang out

with you in Heaven.

So could you just

go to confession?

John...

I really want to hang out

with you, too.

Listen...

Everybody has to find their

peace thing in this world.

You know? And this...

This is my peace thing.

(Pete) Why dont you

try it with me?

(John) Yeah, but that's just-

No.

(Pete) Why dont you try-

(John) Because it's pagan.

God, just like Harry Potter

and The Golden Compass?

You're not going to

get anything out of this.

It's just people saying words.

Thats exactly how I feel

about your mother's religion.

It's not Mom's religion,

it's THE religion. Its God.

And I'm trying to help

you so you don't get-

-butt f*cked by pedophiles

in Hell for eternity.

Yeah, well, I hope they

have lube down there.

(Pete) You mind turning

on my pagan radio?

(Pete) Seriously?!

(Lilith V.O.)

Say hi to your finger for me.

(John V.O.)

Did you like it?

Was it the best ever?

What are we doing

next weekend? Winky face.

P.S., can Bridget give a

Sweet 15 invite to Angelo?

(Lilith) Hey!

[Clock ticking]

(Lilith V.O.) How about this?

You steal a Eucharist

from the sacristy-

-take a sh*t on it-

-and we can maybe

go to third base.

Winky face with eyelashes.

P.S., Bridget, says sure.

(John) That seems a little

too evil, right?

Like, poop is

really disgusting.

I mean, sure, if you

like poop that much.

Didn't know you were

that kinky-

-winky face,

poop emoji.

(Mr. De Luca)

Climate change!

Is there really

climate change going on?

Or is this just-

-the way things are

supposed to be?

I'd like you to be

skeptical about that.

(Lilith V.O.) Okay, fine.

How about you just

pee on it instead?

[Church Organ Song]

(John) Body of Christ.

(Student) Amen.

Body of Christ.

Amen.

Body of Christ.

Amen.

Body of...

...Christ?

Chr- yeah, Bo- sorry,

Body of Christ.

Just- B- Body of Christ,

Body of Christ

Amen.

(John) Body of Christ...

Body of Christ-

Christ of Body-

Body, Body, oh,

you get two-

Christ, Christ-

Body of...

(Lilith) Hey! Psst.

Hey... I'll, I'll do

the pee thing.

Feed it to her.

What?

Piss on it...

...and feed it to her.

(John) Body of Christ.

Amen.

(Teacher)

Okay, girls, take all-

-your things and

come with me.

Yup. They're gonna

talk to us about f*cking.

(John) For real?

(Angelo) Yeah, man.

Girls and guys separated,

boy teacher with the guys?

Were gonna get some

p*nis-in-vag*na talk!

Wow, thats cool- not that,

you know, Ill be needing-

-any tips or anything.

Oh, shut the f*ck up.

Ehh... by the, by the way-

Why were you in Brother

Phil's office the other day?

Oh... it's nothing-

its stupid.

My grades suck, and I'm

trying to convince the school-

-its because my Dad died.

Your Dad actually died?

(Angelo) Uhh, yeah.

Cancer of the liver.

Oh, dude. f*ck. I'm so,

I'm so sorry I didn't-

It's, it's all right.

You're good. I'm, I'm okay.

No, I'm sorry I

asked you to-

-lie about cancer

to Brother Phil.

Like, holy...

Hey, it's a good

enough lie, alright?

Cancers out here

f*cking sh*t up.

So, its perfect. Youre good.

Wait, wait- so, that

Bible was your Dad's?

Yeah...

He was an Anglican, and he uh,

he really loved the thing.

(Mr. Myers)

Clap once if you can hear me.

Clap twice if you can hear me.

All right, men.

[manly groan] Men!

Can we be real for a second?

Raise your hand if we

can be real for a second.

Okay.

Raise your hand,

if you like girls.

Uh-huh. Raise your hand

if you care about girls.

Now raise your hand

if you want to fall in love.

Raise your hand

if you want to have a family!

Raise your hand

if you want to marry a sl*t!

Oh... Huh. Nobody?

Nobody wants to marry a sl*t.

Garry-

How about you?

You want to marry a sl*t?

Slu- No no no, no,

I don't want to marry a sl*t-

-theyre... sm- smelly.

Theyre very-

theyre very smelly.

(Mr. Myers) Come on Garry,

anybody can smell.

(Mr. Myers) Connor O'Connor

smells, is he a sl*t?

[Laughter]

There was once a beautiful

17 year-old woman-

-at a party.

She made a mistake that night.

She had a beer.

That beer took her

to a dark place...

...it made her lustful.

That lady was hit on

by a young man-

-who asked her to

join him upstairs.

She was going to go with

him, she was gonna f-

She was going to

have sex with him.

But as she was going...

...she was approached by

a good Samaritan.

It was a young man.

He asked the lady-

-what she thought her

soul would look like-

-if she went through

with the act.

That young woman-

-went home a virgin

that night.

That young woman was

a virgin when I met her.

And yes, that beautiful

young woman was a virgin-

-when I married her.

Now men, I am asking

you for one favor-

-on behalf of

the man upstairs.

If Mrs. Myers wasn't

a virgin-

-I wouldn't have

married her-

-you understand?

I'm asking you today-

-I'm asking you every day.

Be good Samaritans.

Don't go around

turning girls into sluts.

(Lilith) Pinch my n*pples.

(John) Like, hard?

(Lilith)

No, like, twist a little bit.

[John clears throat]

[John clears throat again]

Okay, do you have to

cough or something, or, like?

No, no, no Im good,

just need some water- after-

(Lilith) Okay.

Do you think this is okay?

I think you're doing

the best you can.

No, not the n*pples.

I just...

Do you think it's okay

to be doing all this?

I like it, do you not?

Yeah, yeah I do, it's just...

I dont know, don't you

want to get married one day?

What?

Well, if you're a sl*t, then-

-like, I don't think a guy

would want to marry you.

(Lilith) You think I'm a sl*t?

(John) No no no no no-

I, Mr. Myers was saying-

And I don't want

you to be alone.

(Lilith) Why would I be alone?

Because I touched your vag*na-

Are you breaking up-

-with me because you

touched my n*pples?

No, no, no,

I love your n*pples.

I just I, I don't know,

Id marry you-

-but, like, what if

by doing all this-

-I prevent some great

guy-

-from wanting

to marry you?

I don't want to talk about

other guys or marriage!

Okay no fine, I don't

want to marry you-

-but like I would if

nobody else did-

-because I'd feel bad for-

-turning you into

more of a sl*t.

(John) Ow.

(Lilith) More of a sl*t?

(Lilith) Okay what do you

mean, more of a sl*t?

You said you made out

with, like-

-40 guys

or whatever.

I said that to

look cool, idiot.

Ive never even

held hands before you.

How was I supposed

to know that?

It's like, everything

is so f*cking boring!

It's like-

pray before every class-

-like, don't wear that-

-don't be that, it's like, I

don't know, okay?

But I live in a different

f*cking world in my head.

And I ride motorcycles and-

-and I paint murals and

I'm so beautiful-

-I'm like, f*cking

Helen of Troy, okay?!

And I kiss everyone and do

whatever the f*ck I want!

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I want to go in the

world inside your head.

It sounds amazing.

No.

Lilith, I-

Just dont f*cking

come near me!

(Mary) That was some

performance at Mass.

Ready for prayer?

In the name of the Father,

Son, Holy Spirit.

Dear Lord, thank you-

-for bringing us together

on this night.

John.

John?

Do you have anything

you'd like to thank God for?

God's not real.

What was that?

I don't want to pray,

God isn't real.

(Mary) Uh...

In my house, we thank God

for what we receive.

No, no.

I'm not feeding a heathen.

I'm not hungry.

Wh- I dont even-

what is this?

What is this?

I don't even know

what I'm looking at.

What has your father

been telling you? Because-

(Bang on table)

Nothing! Nothing!

He never f*cking says

anything to me, okay?!

Stop f*cking talking

about him.

(Mary) Go to your room.

(Mary) Give me that.

(Mary) Your father called

this afternoon.

A few days ago, you

were-

-asking him to

go to confession-

-now you're saying

that God's not real.

Baby, what's going on?

I'm just worried about...

...Dads soul, is all

Hes been doing a lot of-

hes been sinning a lot.

Sweetie, it's not your job-

-to get your father

into Heaven.

It's uhm...

It was supposed

to be my job.

Hard job.

(Mary) Yeah.

He's always gambling

until, like, 5 a.m...

Or like, making out

with his money.

Yeah, he only has eyes

for his god...

...god with a small g.

I'm sorry Dad hurt you.

I'm sorry he doesn't

make you feel seen.

(Mary) Baby?

Do I make you feel seen?

Mhm, yeah. Totally.

I just feel, like...

...I feel like when Dad sins,

its like, he just-

-like, he does it naturally.

I don't think he thinks

it's wrong all the time.

Why would, like, why

would God do that?

Like, make you want

to do something bad?

Are you talking about

your Dad right now?

Are you doing anything

more than kissing her?

No- what, Mom!

It is a mortal sin if you are.

I know, I know it is.

And you don't want to be

with anybody-

-who hurts your soul...

...even if they make you

feel less lonely.

I swear on God I'm

not doing anything else-

-we don't even kiss,

really, like-

-like kissing makes me

feel impure.

Okay, good.

(Mary) I love you, I love you.

I love you extra...

Okay...

[Christian rock song]

I love your-

I love your drawings.

Is there anything I can do

to make this better?

Please.

(Lilith) Mr. Myers?

Yeah.

Could I please be seated near

some more girls?

I just uhm...

I don't want to be turned into

a sl*t by all these boys.

Yes, Miss Arquette,

thats very prudent.

John, why don't you

switch to the other side-

-of the classroom?

(Angelo) I got an outfit

picked out and everything.

And do you know the

f*cking-

-girl-to-guy ratio

at these things?

Its going to be like me

and John in a sea of boobs.

And, you know,

she's got to act like-

-she has a few guy friends-

-you know, whatever, right?

(Angelo) I'm probably gonna

get a f*cking candle.

(Connor)

Shut up, a f*cking candle?

God, he's not

getting a candle.

I'm sorry.

You're-

you're delusional, dude.

Oh, okay. No, its okay.

John's just upset because

he's dating a sl*t.

You f*cking-

you told me to finger her.

No, I didn't-

-I said you wouldn't know

if she was into you-

-unless she was

wet and shaved.

That's different.

Is that not different?

What the-

whatever, man.

All you do is

jerk off to sluts.

What does that

make you, huh?

Shut up and eat

your f*cking nuggets.

No no no, you're a f*cking

loser, you know that?

Like, why don't you

just-

-talk to girls instead

of being weird?

Here, talk to Garry

like he's a girl.

A girl is just Garry

with boobs.

Garry, Garry, Garry,

Garry, you're a girl.

You're a girl. Go.

(Garry) [drowsy] Im a girl?

(John)

Go, come on, talk to Garry.

Come on. What's the plan?

Talk to Garry like

he's a girl, go!

Okay, its not that f*cking

simple!

(John) Yeah it is.

You're just scared.

(Angelo) [mumbling] f*ck you.

(John) The f*ck?

(John) f*cking baby. f*ck you!

(Angelo) No f*ck you!

Why don't you get

a new table-

-you f*cking as*h*le?!

Why dont you get

a new Dad, b*tch?!

(Garry) Woah...

Wait, man, I...

Find a new table.

(John)

Okay, let me just apologize-

(Connor) Go.

(John) But I-

(Connor) Come on, come on.

[All sound vanishes]

(Brother Phil)

What are you going-

-to do with him?

Im-I'm sorry, this is-

-this looks bad.

This looks really bad.

But, my grandpa, is not,

he's not doing well-

I just wanted to give him

final communion.

Please... don't make me

an accessory to sin.

I'm serious. No!

My grandpa, he's sick.

John, don't insult me!

Wh- what are you looking

at me like that for?

What do you want?

What are you going to do, huh-

-you're going to get me

kicked out or something?

I don't, I don't f*cking care.

I don't want to be here

anyway. I hate it here.

God gives us free will, John.

If you embrace him,

it'll be with an open heart-

-and an open mind.

Anything less

wouldn't be a choice.

I trust you.

(Intense Score Bursts In)

(Score Builds Intensity)

(Score Drops Out Hard)

(Tense Score Returns)

Im sorry.

(Dissonant Score)

(Sin Powerpoint Voice)

Have I thrown up food-

-when I wasn't feeling ill?

Have I eaten too much

in one sitting?

(Sin Powerpoint Voice)

Do I have an eating disorder?

Hey, don't take this stuff

too seriously, all right?

It's f*cking stupid.

Thanks, uhm, I- I just...

It's really hard to deal with

food without having-

-to think about sin,

or whatever.

Yeah, no, I get it.

And hey, even if you do

have an eating disorder-

-I still think you're

really cute, so.

What?

Im- Im saying youre

still cute with a dis-

-nevermind.

(Student)

Thank you, Father.

(Mr. Myers) Okay, Bridget.

Go see Father Albert.

Have I touched another

persons breasts-

-buttocks, vah-gina or p*nis

outside the sacrament-

-of holy matrimony?

(Score Slowly Builds)

Have I taken the Lords

name in vain?

Have I- severed-

severed- my-

-relationship with God

by denying His existence?

(Mr. Myers)

Alright, John. Youre up.

(Hellish Choir Sings)

Mr. Santucci?

(Teacher)

Hey, no running!

(Score slowly gives way

to heartbeat)

[Coughing]

Im sorry...

Im sorry, Mom...

I'm sorry.

Im sorry.

Im sorry... God...

Im sorry...

(Mrs. Groff) Four days

suspension, eight demerits.

John's next infraction-

-will lead to

immediate expulsion.

I was ready to let you

slum it in Farmingdale High-

-Mr. Santucci...

...you have a friend

on the other side.

(Mary) Brother Phil?

You know him?

He calls every week

to tell me how you are.

How does he think I'm doing?

(Mrs. Groff)

You have eight demerits.

I know you by name.

How do you think

you're doing?

(Mary) He has a lot of

compassion for you.

Brother Phil is

very Christlike.

Christlike...

When you make excuses

for bad behavior-

-youre forgiving.

When you keep order,

you're a square.

A troll under the bridge.

Is John's father the cool one?

Says yes to everything?

And you're the one-

-stuck with the

nasty conversations?

Eat this, not that.

Go to bed.

Do your homework.

No more video games?

I'm a single mom.

Two parents in one.

Not easy.

But you need to try harder.

(Mary) You're grounded.

Okay. Can it- could it

wait until next weekend-

-like there's a

Sweet 15 later-

(Mary) No negotiations.

Okay, well, what if I

saw you instead of Dad-

-for Easter and Thanksgiving?

I can throw in Christmas Eve-

(Mary) JOHN!

(Lilith) I guess with

the sl*t thing, it felt like-

-you were eating

their sh*t up.

Really? After I pour-

er, peed on Jesus and-

-fed him to mom?

(Lilith) Thats just stuff

you do for me.

(Lilith) Today was, like, you.

Okay, so why did

I have to-

-steal Jesus

and pee on him?

(Lilith) Just, come

to Bridgets tonight-

-I want us to go

to third base.

(John) Okay, so like...

...do you love me?

(Lilith) Are you dumb?

(Lilith) What do you think?

[Lilith hangs up]

[Cooking Show]

If there's anything funny-

-about this money-

I'm gonna hunt you

down. And Im gonna-

[BOOMING club music]

[party chatter]

Let's go.

Shouldnt I say hi to

Bridget first, I mean?

Who cares? Just-

[laughing] The f*ck is this?!

Sorry, I didn't have time

to get a card card.

Just- tell her you

left your card at home-

Shouldn't we find a

more quiet place?

I'll do you.

And then you do me.

You've been so

bad for me, John.

Yeah, pretty uh, pretty bad.

Uhm, what's wrong?

Sorry.

Oh my God, my dress

looks like sh*t, doesn't it?

I'm like, breaking out,

and my hair is a mess-

No- you look-

you look beautiful, okay?

So then what is it?

Youre really mean sometimes.

I don't like the things

you make me do.

I don't make you do anything.

I'm, like, putting

myself out for you.

And you're completely

f*cking rejecting me.

I don't want to reject you,

but the stuff I have to do-

-makes me want to throw

up, and-

-and can't you

just like me?

Like, why do I have to

steal and burn things?

Because that's the only

time you're-

-actually

doing anything.

Everything that you say is

just so f*cking wishy washy.

I just want to be with you-

-and you keep sending me

on these demonic quests!

No, no, you don't!

You don't actually

want to be with me!

[Bathroom door opens]

[Loud boy chatter]

Someone just came in

can you please lower your-

Dont f*cking shush

me, okay?!

Like- when I kiss you,

I want to kiss you.

When you kiss me-

You- you like the

f*cking idea of kissing me.

Like what it means

about you-

-that you got a girl

to kiss you.

(Party Boy) [snickering]

(John) Thats such bull- shhh-

Dont f*cking shush me,

it's not bullshit! It's like-

It's like one day I'm

this like-

-trophy that

you want to have-

-and the next Im this

urn that you broke, and like-

I just want to be here!

(Party Boy) Gaaaaaaay!

(Lilith) I just want to kiss!

And you know what?

The only thing that I have

any f*cking control over is-

-what I can get your

dumb a*s to do for me, so...

Why don't- why dont

you get on your knees-

-and bark like a dog for me!

[Party Boys Jeer Loudly]

No, I don't want to bark.

Stop yelling, please!

We're having a fight in here!

Sorry! Excuse us.

(Party Boy) Sorry, sorry...

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Okay.

I know I'm not good at this.

I'm sorry that I think about

you and other guys.

But that doesn't mean-

-we have to base

everything on-

-you making me

do horrible stuff.

Well...

...what else is there?

You just- you sound really

afraid, and I am too-

But love can't come

from a place of fear.

Yeah, is that some sh*t

you read on a postcard?

Okay why do you

have to be so mean?!

I told you weeks ago

I loved you-

-and all you

said back was-

-youre silly, youre stupid,

youre this, youre that!

Well I cant just say

sh*t I dont mean!

I meant it when I said it.

You just said it

so I would say it.

I don't want any of this.

You don't want any of this?

Yeah.

Does that mean

what I think it does?

Yeah.

(Loud Dance Ballad)

Sit up.

You'll know a tree

by its fruit.

What?

You have lied.

You have stolen.

Your conscience is so guilty-

-you ran from confession.

Im not going to do it,

John, okay?

I'm not going to raise

a piece of sh*t.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry,

Im sorry!

Okay?! I-

Im so sorry-

I dont want to be like Dad-

I'm sorry.

Okay baby,

just look at me-

-look at me, okay?

Look at me.

Come on.

I just want you to

be a good man.

Okay?

I've got this thing

inside me...

...that lives for you.

It's my Mom part.

And Ive got my Dad part.

And, my Lilith part.

And my Brother Phil part.

But...

I don't think

I have a me part.

I don't- I dont know

what that looks like.

But, I mean, sweetie-

-if everyone always lived

for their own-

-me part...

...does that sound like

a world-

-youd want to live in?

Everyone living

for themselves?

I don't know! I dont know!

Why?!

Why does everything-

-have to be a rule

all the time?!

When you are older-

-youre gonna figure

it out, okay?

And maybe you'll

agree with me then.

But for now, you have

to live by my rules.

I thought they were

Gods rules?

My rules are God's rules.

Okay, well, your rules

make me feel like sh*t.

I- sorry for cursing,

but they make me feel-

-like, they make me

feel really bad.

Well, thats...

...thats a good thing.

God gave you a conscience

for a reason.

Okay?

Sweetie...

...this is good.

Okay, I'm going to

make you a snack-

-and you're going to

feel better. Alright?

You know what I think?

On the first day of school-

-I saw a goose on

the bus ride home.

(Mary)

You want apples or peaches?

Apples.

And this thought

came into my head-

-that the goose was God.

Like-

there he is, Gods a goose!

And that goose didn't

even care about me.

It was just flapping around,

having fun.

It didn't care if I was

serving the Eucharist or-

-or kissing before

marriage, or-

-or touching a girl

down there-

(Mary) What?

-or up there, or anywhere-

(Mary) What- what?

-or setting a Bible on fire!

John?! Wh- what do you-

what are you saying?!

What's going on?!

(John) You know what?!

Lilith sucked my p*nis

tonight-

-and I didnt even like it!

(Mary) Wh- what? John!

(John) She sucked m- we went-

-to the bathroom and made

out for a little while!

(Mary) Stop it, stop it,

stop it, stop it!

That is disgusting!

That is disgusting. Stop that!

What- what, what its

disgusting?!

Am I gonna go to

Hell for that?!

Am I gonna go to Hell

for something-

-I didnt even like?!

Yes, yes you will!

Now, you stop it! Stop!

Your rules f*cking suck!

Dont curse. Dont curse!

(John) Your rules f*cking-

(John) f*ck! f*ck!

(Mary) Stop! Stop cursing!

Go to confession.

(Mary) Im- I'm sorry.

(John) Go to confession!

(Mary) No! You-

(John) Go to confession.

(Mary) You are not

the son that raised!

(John) Good!

(Mary) I cant believe youd

put those images in my head-

(John) Good!

Go to confession now!

Go to confession!

Thats a sin!

You need to go to confession!

Oh my God!

I hate-

(Game Music)

(John) What is wrong with-

(Mary) Stay still, pig!

(John) Pig, stop moving!

(Mary) He just, he

just, like, flipped.

Every time I press

A, he moves!

Lets get out of this place,

this place is creepy.

(Mary) This place is strange.

It's not strange,

that guy is strange.

Yeah. Super strange, I think.

Okay, now I have to

go to the fighting arena-

-because I want to

get that sword.

(Mary) Mm-hmm.

But I also want to

break every glass.

Youre so funny.

You make me laugh.

(John) [reading] Learn to-

-carry guys on her

head, like me-

-so she could help your

grandmother with chores.

Are you okay?

Yeah, yeah.

I'm okay.

(Angelo) Okay, okay.

Im- I'm about to come back.

I'm gonna-

(Student) Go get him

some f*cking fries!

(Angelo) Alright, alright.

(Lilith) Hey.

(John) Hey.

Uhm, it's a little cheesy,

but I don't know-

-I really like it.

I like the title.

Yeah.

(Keyboard Keys Clicking)

(John) Hey Dad.

(Pete) Hey, bud.

How's it going?

Good.

Hey, could you

take me to Mom's?

Oh. Are you sure

that's a good idea?

Yeah.

Should I, get out of

the Deadmines first?

I'd really prefer

if we went now.

(Keyboard Keys Clicking)

Hail Mary, full of grace,

the Lord is with thee...

Hi.

Did you need something?

I was wondering if

you wanted to go for a walk.

The lake by the bike trail-

-looks really nice

at this time of day.

(Sweet Lullaby Score)

(Score Fades)

Did you know that

geese mate for life?

No, no, that's-

thats really nice.

I was praying for you

when you came in.

Are you doing okay?

Yeah, Im good- Im good.

(Voice Breaking) Mom.

I know Im not exactly-

-the person you were

expecting me to be.

But I...

You are a gift.