02x02 - Unbiased

[bunniefuu]

[Bagai] This is
a very serious charge against you, sir.

Criminal intimidation, no less.

Do you understand?

According to this,
you made threats against the complainant.

Sir, that's completely false.

How could I ever threaten anyone?

Correct.

[defendant] I'd gone to ask him
to return my own money.

Just because I used a few bad words,
he filed a case against me.

[Bagai] A few bad words?

Listen to me, my friend.

You may have a sweet little voice,

but those were some salty, bad words
you used on him, and they weren't a few.

Bail will be difficult. Very difficult.

But the previous lawyer said I was sure
to get bail.

-The case is a done deal.
-Hey, genius,

a case is never considered a done deal…

until the judge says so.

In the temple of the court,
the judge is God.

And your case is
with Principal District Judge Tyagi.

He's just been made judge.

He won't let you off so easily.

Sir, do something
and get me out on bail, please.

You have no idea what I suffer in jail
because of my high-pitched voice.

You can ask him.

Yeah, he's right.

It'll be 25,000.



-Your Honour, first day.
-Yes.

-Excited?
-Yes.

Your Honour, this way.

Why this way?

Judges always enter from here.

Topo, this is my first day.

I won't just enter.

I'm going to make a dramatic entrance.

Hey, the judge is here.

-Good morning, Your Honour.
-Sir, good morning.

[employee] Good morning, sir.

[employee 2] Hey, did you see that?
The judge just smiled.

[employee 3] And that too at a lawyer.

[employee 4] Looks like Bagai's bail
is a done deal.

-[Maya] Good morning.
-Good morning.

-Sit down please.
-Yes, sir.

-[Topo] Your Honour.
-Yes?

Why did you smile at that lawyer outside?

[Tyagi] Huh?

Huh?

Smile?

[air pump blowing]

Mintu, sir, at least have a look. I stayed
up all night blowing balloons for you.

[cries]

Happy birthday, Mintu.

Unbelievable! Birthday wishes and no gift?
Go sit outside in the foyer.

Shambhu, only the ones
with the gifts will stay.

Okay? These flowers are fake.
They won't do.

I have sent an RS to everyone.
Don't forget to VP.

Our Bar President will cut
his cake this evening.

Acting Bar President.

[colleague 1] We came to have cake
and he kicked us out.

-[colleague 2] He always does…
-[Sujata] No sarcasm? No cutting comeback?

Mintu's become mature.

He is missing Visheshwar.

Not at all, Mr Munshi.

What does Tyagi mean to me?

[chuckles] I mean,
he's a big-shot judge now.

Why should he remember the birthday
of a small-time lawyer like me?

So, Mintu, what kind of cake
would you like me to order?

There will be no cake-cutting, Sujata.

Tyagi gets me a cake every year.

If he doesn't this time,
then I won't have one.

He doesn't understand.

Visheshwar is a judge now.
He can't meet him.

[phone buzzing]

Yeah, Vishwas?

[Vishwas] Sujata,
something's happened to Law.

-What happened to Law?
-[bell rings]

[Law] What I'm about to tell you is
something that happens to a lot of men.

Promise me…

-you won't laugh at me.
-[Vishwas] No, bro, we won't laugh.

-Don't worry, Law. This is a safe space.
-[Daleel] Mmm.

This morning, when I…

was going up in the lift
with some bread and eggs, I met…

Mrs Sharma there.

Mrs Sharma?

-My landlord.
-Landlady.

She is no lady, Ani.

What she did to me in the lift, no…

No lady would ever do that.

-[Vishwas] Hmm?
-[Law] She actually…

spanked me.

-[grunts]
-[gasps]

-[Vishwas] f*ck.
-What the hell do you mean by "spank"?

Daleel, "spank" means to, uh…

pat someone.

So, now this prude doesn't like
being patted on the back?

Actually, it was lower than the back.

-On the waist?
-[clicks tongue]

-Lower than that.
-Oh, I see, I see! [chuckles]

[Sujata] Come on, Law.

Who does that nowadays?

-It must have been a mistake.
-[Vishwas] Just ask me.

-I'm always getting spanked in the metro.
-[Daleel] Mm-hmm.

The old guys spank the hardest.

If her hand had touched me by mistake,
she would have moved it away, right?

She didn't?

-Hers was stuck to my butt.
-[gasps]

Right up to the eighth floor.

And you know what?
She didn't raise my rent this year.

She reduced it.

But that wasn't a discount.

It was a payment.

You fool. If you're getting paid for it,
then what the hell is your problem?

Daleel, why are you being so insensitive?

Law needs our help.

-He's been harassed, okay?
-[Daleel] Mm-hmm.

Her-a*s I've heard of.
Who's ever heard of his-a*s?

She… She means something else.

-[Law] I knew no one would believe me.
-What does she mean?

It's like those harassment victims
in the movies. Just like that!

Those are movie stars.
Why would anyone harass you?

-Law isn't even your real name.
-[Daleel] Mm-hmm.

-Even stars don't use their real names.
-[Daleel] He's right.

Yeah, I'm forgetting who,
but there's lots of them.

-Like that guy--
-Guys, please.

Focus.

[cries]

Law, I believe you.

And I'll make sure that you
and men like you feel safe in our society.

You have full right.

So, this happened to you
in your building elevator?

Any CCTV cameras?

-For sure.
-[colleague] Now, you tell me.

What kind of smile did Bagai receive?

A very personal one.
And Judge Tyagi nodded his head.

Now, when a smile was so personal,

then the judgement will
also be in his favour, right?

[Bagai] Don't talk nonsense, my friend.

Uh, Tyagi sir's
a very impartial judge, okay?

And I won't hear
a single bad thing said against my friend.

Bagai, sir, I was wrong.

Twenty-five thousand is too little.

I'll pay you 30.

Out of all the cases on my plate,

it is only in Bagai's case
that bail appears to be clearly justified.

All the evidence is
in favour of his client.

So, now can you please tell me, why should
I keep him in jail for a whole month?

Well, someone has to pay
the price for that smile you gave, sir.

-Otherwise, you will appear biased.
-Which I'm certainly not.

None of us are, for that matter,
and neither should we appear so.

What do you think? That I enjoy walking
around in court with a resting b*tch face?

[colleagues chuckle]

It's a strategy, my friend.

So the lawyers I meet
dare not smile at me.

[colleagues chuckle]

At least you've
just been accused of smiling.

On my birthday,
my wife gifted me this fancy watch.

I only glanced at it a couple of times
and someone complained

that the judge is in a hurry
to deliver his judgement.

[Shubhkela chuckles] Very true.

Actions, reactions…
A judge is judged on everything.

-A judge is always on trial.
-[chuckles] Correct.

-So do you expect me to be like Mona Lisa?
-[colleague chuckles]

Yeah, where no one can tell
whether I'm smiling or I'm not smiling?

Bureaucrats and politicians are
never questioned when they are smiling.

Why are all these dos
and don'ts reserved only for judges?

Because, at the end of it all,
the public comes to us.

Looking for justice.

That's why the PDJ of the court cannot
appear biased at any time.

Just deny bail.

[Tyagi] Look,
I don't want to appear biased.

But I'm certainly not willing
to send an innocent to jail either.

That's for sure.

[Shubhkela] Now, Mr Tyagi,

what if Bagai withdraws this case himself?

-Meaning what?
-Meaning, what if…

Bagai himself withdraws this case.
What then?

-Eight…
-[elevator dings]

Right up to the eighth floor.

[chuckles] It's not just America
that's naughty. India's naughty too!

Put it on the Internet. It'll go viral.

What should go viral
is your response to this.

Is this any way for the police
to deal with a crime?

Huh, crime? What crime?

You're a lawyer, right?
Tell me which law does this come under.

Ah, ah, sir. She's from Harvard, sir.
She'll tell you. Go on, tell him.

What can she tell me?
Even the Chief Justice doesn't know.

Because no law has been broken.

Madam, there's a law only for eve-teasing.

Because "Adam" teases Eve.

There's no such thing as Adam-teasing.

By law, only women are harassment victims.

Sir, a victim is a victim.

I don't believe I'm going
to say this, but…

-What about men's rights?
-[Pepsu] Huh?

Don't they have enough already?

What about our rights?

Ma'am, it's not a competition.

How true. We register


And men? Once in 36 months.

Of course there's no competition.

Ma'am, I fully concur
with your outrage. I really do.

But what happened
with Law was wrong too, right?

Yes, but how do we know
this complaint isn't fake?

-But the video's right in front of you.
-Yes, sir.

And where does the video show
that she didn't have his consent?

But I'm telling you
I didn't consent to that, sir.

-[Vishwas] Mm-hmm.
-Sir, Law's modesty has been outraged.

Madam, the law assumes
that men simply don't have modesty.

So, how can this Law have any?

You tell me. Do we men have any modesty?

Men don't have modesty, only mortality.

-[Pepsu] Of course.
-[gasps] What are you saying?

Officer, okay,
so we don't have a law for this.

What about intimidation,
as*ault, pickpocketing…

We could at least file charges
under one of these.

-What do you mean?
-One second.

You want the police
to bring false charges against her?

-Yes, of course. No.
-No, no, not at all.

-How could I do that?
-Ma'am, there's no such clause, right?

Then tell me.
What is poor Law going to do?

He'll learn to put up with it.

Women are always posting about being
groped on social media and moving on.

You can also make a few posts.

-Dude, wanna do that?
-Okay. Look, guys.

We never discriminate.

In cases like this, the advice we give
to women, I'll give the same to you.

Find a new place.

-Oh!
-That's it.

-So, this is your advice to women?
-What's wrong with that?

-I mean, how can you ask a victim--
-Okay.

There's no solution, right?
Then I'll find a new place.

-[Vishwas] Be a man, dude.
-[Pepsu] Wonderful.

-[knocks on door]
-[Bagai] Good afternoon, Your Honour.

PREMCHAND
GABAN

You asked for me?

No, I didn't, Mr Bagai. He did, Mr Tyagi.

[Bagai] Oh, Tyagi, sir.

You could have called me
to your chamber, Your Honour.

That is one mistake
I will never make, Mr Bagai.

But I have a favour to ask of you.

Your wish is my command.

Please apply for an exception in my court.

After that, we can happily continue
to exchange smile for smile.

Exception, Tyagi, sir?

You mean, none of my cases will come
before you in court?

But why?

"Why?"

Do you know what people are
saying about us on campus?

That I, uh…

[chuckles]

That I, uh…

I like you.

So? You don't like me, Tyagi, sir?

Of course I do like you,
but not… not in that way.

Then in what way exactly do you like me?

What are you being so coy?

-You know exactly in what way.
-[chuckles]

[chuckling] No, I don't.
Why don't you explain it to me?

[Shubhkela chuckling]

You both are talking
about exceptions, right?

-Uh, of course, uh, Mr Shubhkela.
-[Shubhkela chuckling] Keep going.

-Keep going.
-Look, Bagai, don't beat around the bush.

Are you willing
to do me this favour or not?

Of course, Your Honour.
I will take an exception.

But, uh, you'll be setting
the wrong precedent.

Look, just like me, there are many other
lawyers you like very much, isn't it?

After all, you were our president, right?

Will you ask all of them
to take an exception?

At this rate, you will not have
any cases in your court, Your Honour.

That's, um, very true, Mr Tyagi.

So you're looking out for me.
Thank you, Mr Bagai.

In friendship,
there's no "sorry" and no "thank you".

I'll take your leave.

What's with this guy?

[chuckling] Never mind that.

What will you do now?

Will you grant bail or not?

Mintu, sir!

Happy birthday!

It's not my birthday!

-It is, it is. It is his birthday.
-What a weirdo.

[muttering] Happy Birthday…

You know, I think you are judging
Tyagi sir too harshly.

It's only his first day as a judge.

He must have forgotten
with all the new work pressure.

Just wait,

-as soon as he sees you, he'll--
-[vehicle horn beeping]

JALJEERA
LEMON JUICE

Mintu, sir.

[horn honks]

[Law] I have sent the eviction notice
an hour ago.

Mrs Sharma has seen it
but hasn't responded.

[Sujata] Next time, pay the full rent.

Cheap homes only exist
in horror films or porn films.

Can you guys help me move out of my flat?

I'll accompany you.

It's the least that I can do.

Because, by virtue of being a woman,

I can understand
what you're going through.

-I really can.
-[Shambhu] Madam!

Anyone here named Nikunj?

-[Vishwas] Huh?
-Why?

-[Shambhu] They're looking for him.
-He has been charged under section 354.

[siren wails]

[Vishwas] Here's my ID.

-Outraging a woman's modesty?
-I'll show you my driving licence also.

-Woman's modesty? Tell me, Daleel.
-Look, here it is.

Does your identity card have
the name Nikunj on it?

Why would my name be Nikunj?
What's wrong with you?

-I told you, there's no Nikunj here.
-No, no, there is someone.

-[Sujata] Really?
-Yeah, I made his court ID.

Arrest that horrible pervert!
That is Nikunj.

-Oh, he is Nikunj.
-Your name's Nikunj?

-[officer] Hey, you harass women?
-No, no… No, I didn't do anything, sir!

Sir, I didn't do anything. I swear. Ma'am!

-Sir, one second.
-Ma'am… Ma'am, I didn't do anything.

I didn't do anything, ma'am.

-Officer…
-[Law] Do something.

Tell me.

[Mrs Sharma clears throat]

I'm single.

A divorcee.

But… I'm a little friendly by nature.

My daughter lives far away in Australia.
And Nikunj…

-Sir, I swear I didn't do anything…
-Hey, you be quiet.

Hold on. Hold on. Let her speak.

Young man, after all, far away from home.

And yes,
not a single girl has ever visited him.

-What?
-Loser.

-Not even one?
-It's possible

all his pent-up feelings
are bubbling up inside.

And maybe that's why he said,

"Aunty…

-could you please pat me?"
-Huh?

-Uh, no…
-"A little lower than my back."

I'm single, a divorcee,

-a little--
-A little friendly by nature.

-Sir, she's playing Uno Reverse.
-What reverse?

Mrs Sharma, how shameless are you?

It's because of women like her,
that people don't believe the victim, sir.

Sir, you know very well that she is lying.

-Exactly.
-She has no proof at all.

[Pepsu] Yes, yes, I know that.

-Yes, ma'am.
-Madam, it's a woman's complaint.

A woman!

Never mind him. Even if a women complains
against a parrot, we take action.

-Yeah, he's right about that.
-Police report first, proof later.

[all] Hmm.

Being a woman has advantages these days.

[chuckling] Yeah, ma'am,
you're right about that.

Excuse me.

This is not feminism.

-Yeah.
-Sir, Inspector Pepsu,

please don't file a report.

If he ever goes in for an arranged
marriage, it will get in the way.

And if he does get married,
he won't even cross the border.

-He'll never get a visa.
-Exactly.

-Sir, I'd like to go--
-[Pepsu] So, this is my advice to you.

Apologise to her and settle the matter.

-What kind of advice is--
-Absolutely not.

You file your report.

-Nikunj, we're going to see them in court.
-Yeah.

Yeah, not going to apologise.

-Go ahead. File the report. Do it.
-He's a gone case. Take him away.

-There's no way he's going to apologise--
-Sorry… Sorry, ma'am.

It was my fault, Mrs Sharma.
I'll never do it again. Please. Please.

-Don't do that--
-Hey! What are you doing?

Okay, I won't file a report.

Oh, ow. My back!

Okay, let her go. She won't do it.

-Listen, son, I won't file a report.
-[Pepsu] She won't do it.

-Promise?
-Yes, yes, I promise.

-But on one condition.
-[Law] Yes.

-You won't move out.
-Yeah.

Uh, it was really hard finding,
uh, a tenant. Uh…

As you know by now, I am single,

a divorcee, a little friendly by nature.

[Vishwas] Oh, my God.

DISTRICT COURT, PATPARGANJ

-What time does he leave?
-There's no fixed time, sir.

Sir! Tyagi, sir!
I know you saw me standing here.

Let him in.

Sir, you've forgotten
what day it is today.

[Tyagi shushes]

These are the judges' chambers.

-Sorry, sir.
-[Tyagi] Tell me.

Sir, it's Mintu's birthday today.

Yes, I know that.

But, sir, he's… he's very upset actually.

He refuses to even cut a free cake.

He says "My friends cut me off,
so why should I cut a cake?"

Sorry, sir.

Order, not now.

It's my first day as a judge, and word has
already spread that I am biased.

And you want me to meet Mintu
and sing happy birthday to him?

No, sir, no need to sing.
Just say it normally. That'll be enough.

But, sir, he has a right
to be upset, doesn't he?

On the one hand, you're ignoring him.

On the other, you're flashing
smiles at that wonky-toothed Bagai.

I didn't do it on purpose, man.
I saw him and I just smiled.

Now what do I do? I made a mistake.

Since you've already made one mistake,
why don't you make one more?

Do it for Mintu's sake.

Make one more mistake?

-Your Honour, the list is ready.
-[Tyagi] Mmm.

The advocates today are,
Mr Advait Khurana, Parul Gulati,

and, uh, B.K. Zaveri…

Mr Zaveri.

Mr Zaveri!

Oh, wow! You're looking slim and trim!

[chuckling] Are you on a diet?

He's a lean and clean lawyer.

History of criminal behaviour.
Bail denied.

Application unmaintainable. Bail denied.

Chance of absconding. Bail denied.

The ones he smiled at,
only receive a smile, no bail.

What's the matter, Mr Bagai?

Why do you look so scared?

I don't see your smile today.

[chuckles] Nothing's the matter,
Your Honour.

What do you think? Should he get bail?

Now that,
only you can decide, Your Honour.

But you're a lawyer too. You tell me.

If he deserves bail, then tell me why.

It's his very first offence, sir.
Uh, it won't happen again.

Bail granted.

See, I told you.

Judge Tyagi's smile and judgement
are both totally unbiased.

Come on,
now give me back my money, hurry up.

[Vishwas] This poor guy spent
five years studying.

He then passed the Bar Council exam.
He became a lawyer.

And still, he's so helpless.

Imagine what the common man
would go through.

-Just think about it.
-Excuse me, can I have another plate?

I empathise with you, Law. I really do.

Feels great.

You were right, Sujata.

Arguments are just not enough to win.

I do have a strategy in mind.

It's a little dodgy, but…

What is it, Inspector?
Why have you called me here?

-Over there.
-[Vishwas] She is here.

-Ma'am, here, please come, sit here.
-Go on.

-Ma'am, you write the report.
-[officer] Mmm.

What happened?
Why have you called me? What have I done?

She was eve-teasing me.

-Eves.
-Eves-teasing.

-[Ani] Plural.
-What?

Mrs Sharma has outraged
the modesty of both of us, ma'am.

-So, you harassed them?
-Look, this is such a blatant lie.

Neither do I know these two women,
and nor are these men young.

[Sujata] Mrs Sharma, that is such a lie.

She passed by us in the market
and stroked us like this.

And then you know what she did?

She winked at us.

[gasps]

-So, you winked at them?
-[Mrs Sharma] No…

-It's a woman's complaint, madam.
-Woman!

Have you forgotten?
Police report first, proof later.

Besides, we have this video of you.

Maybe we can't file a case,

but a character certificate should be
good enough.

[colleagues, officer] Hmm.

So here is my advice to you.
Settle this amongst yourselves.

-Thrash it out.
-No, ma'am, go ahead with the report.

-Let's proceed.
-No, no, look…

It was one o'clock, and it--

-Look, please listen.
-No, we don't want to.

-Let them finish.
-[Ani] There were a lot of people.

-And there was a woman--
-Okay. I admit it, it was my fault.

-Yes!
-Bro.

-I knew it. [mutters]
-It was my fault entirely.

I want to go to Australia
to see my daughter.

I won't get a visa.

Please, don't file a report.

[Law] Okay.

We won't file a report.

[sighs]

-But on one condition.
-What?

One year rent-free.

-With free parking.
-[Vishwas] Mm-hmm.

Nikunj?

Well done, bro.

[Shambhu] Come on, come on.
We are cutting Mintu's cake!

[colleagues] One, two…

Happy birthday! [cheering]

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY

Nice.

-Uh, whose idea was it?
-His!

[all chuckling]

-Very nice.
-Thanks.

-It's my birthday!
-Yeah.

-It's my birthday, guys! It's my birthday.
-Yeah.

Yeah? Yeah?

It's my birthday! Stop it!

I've already said
I don't want to celebrate.

So, why the hell have you
all turned up here?

[Tyagi] What are you
so upset about, Mintu?

What the hell, bro?

Why are you so late?

Because I wanted
to get this for you. Topo?

[Mintu sighs, chuckles] Oh, man!

Kidney-bean flavour! [chuckles]

My girlfriend made it for you.
Kidney-bean and rice cake.

[Tyagi] And one more thing,
Mr Lakhmir Singh Balli.

I have an exception to declare.

You, and of course,
any case from your chamber

will never be admitted in my courtroom.

You are my friend.
There's no way I can judge you.

You said it
so that's how it will be. [sighs]

-[exclaims] Happy birthday, bro!
-[Mintu chuckling]

I love you, bro. Love you!

This Tyagi guy is amazing.

Thank you, Vishwas!

All these years, we've been afraid to
smile, and here he is hugging in public.

[all cheering]

Happy birthday!

Happy birthday to me!

[Law] Ani.

Listen, uh,
after what you did for me today,

the least I can do is get you some coffee.

Really? You won't have it with me?

No, no, no, I will. What I really meant
was you and I can have it…

[stammers] …together.

Aw, that's so sweet.

So, it's a date then?

Yeah. I guess.

Perfect. See you.

See you.

-Bye.
-Bye.

Yes. Yes!

Hey, Vishwas.

-All good?
-Hey, bro. Can you push?

-[Law] Yeah, sure.
-It… It's not starting.

-You filled it up?
-Mmm, yeah, I did.

-Let's go.
-Come on, come on, come on, come on.

I could have got a car,
but a man should never forget his status.