01x06 - Clean Up on Aisle Criminal!

[bunniefuu]

On this episode of "So
Dumb It's Criminal,"

our cameras continue
to grab everything

from outrageous arrests...

You like that, yeah?

To all kinds of
criminal nonsense

lurking around every corner

and going down on the streets.

Stop the car!

♪♪

Welcome to "So Dumb
It's Criminal,"

the only show where criminals
get a highlight reel.

I want you all to say
hello to two people

who always take the fifth.

To my left is the one and
only, the lovely Loni Love.

Hey!

And to her left is my nephew,
Chicago's finest, DeRay Davis.

What up?

And the woman who brings
clarity to all vulgarity,

my sister Tacarra Williams.

- Tacarra!
- How we gonna kick it off, T?

- Robbery, Snoop.
- Y'all ever been robbed?

Have I ever been robbed?

No, but I've been a
part of a robbery.

- Okay.
- [ Laughs ]

Loni?

- Of course not.
- I'm from Detroit.

No? Here we go.

- Nasty.
- DeRay?

- Have I been robbed?
- Yes, I've been robbed.

Robbed of my dignity!
Robbed of my.

[ Laughs ] Oh, I'm
sorry. [ Laughs ]

Yeah, yeah, I guess.

Somebody took someone
away from me before.

First up, it's a
stick up stick up.

This section's
all about robbers.

I call it "Bum a*s Bandits."

Now, I've been with guys
who don't pay attention,

but no man compares to the
dude in this next clip.

Uh-oh. His phone. Oh, wow!

- They getting robbed?
- Yes.

Oh, he must be on
Snoop's Instagram.

Yes. Snoop Instagram lit.

You know.

This m*therf*cker is not
really paying attention.

Uh-huh.

He the dude who
text 'em to come in.

Like, everybody on the floor.

Don't y'all know
how a crime works?

He text 'em, "We all
good, come through."

Everybody get that...
Oh, he... [ Laughs ]

- Good acting.
- That was good acting at the end,

pretending he didn't
know what happened.

- Uh-huh.
- Everybody getting robbed.

Look at the bartender,
one hand up.

- sh*t got real.
- Yeah.

What did he think was gonna
be in this little a*s bar?

- It's four people here.
- This was his mama's basement.

They got plastic tables
and plastic chairs.

This n*gga left this
m*therf*cker with $13.

[ Laughter ]

He gonna... he gonna
need that money to get to

the next place to rob.

Now, you ever had something
crazy happen around you

and you didn't even notice?

People say I do that sh*t
all the time, period. I...

[ Laughter ]

Snoop, this ever
happen, something crazy

happen around you and
you don't even notice?

No. Well, I'm the
type of m*therf*cker

if somebody start
running, I'm running.

Oh. [ Laughs ]

Something start
happening around you,

"sh*t, what the
f*ck is going on?"

Yeah, that's the
young Snoop Dogg.

She talking about
the n*gga right now,

the 2021 version of me.

- Mm-hmm.
- Right.

None of that occurs
in my life as I speak.

[ Laughs ]

Now, this next clip shows

the best place to run
into an old friend is...

During a robbery.

"Give me all your
sh*t." "Hey, mate."

Wait.

[ Laughs ]

Who was robbing on a scooter?

I had this happen at a
movie theater before.

This dude ran up,

tried to rob me and seen
it was me and let me go.

That was pretty
cool. He was like,

"Oh, love your sh*t,"
and then he left.

- [ Laughs ]
- I was...

Hey, hey, I boobooed a
little bit on myself, too.

That's the truth. I boobooed
on myself a little bit.

My girl is like, "What?" She
needs to see what happened.

He came at me first. I was
like, "Dude, just let me go."

Did he make you tell a joke?

No, that would've
been f*cked up.

He's like, yo, tell a joke.

There's a black man, a
white man, a Chinese man.

[ Laughs ]

Well, he was trying
to get caught anyway.

I don't see anything protecting
his face, he just pulled up.

Damn. He'd have got it
if he was anybody else.

- Yeah.
- My thing is the scooter.

Who is the getaway car?

- On the scooter?
- Yeah, the getaway scooter.

- Easy way to get away, too.
- Yeah.

Cut through houses, all
that stuff, I heard.

- Oh, you heard.
- [ Laughs ]

Next up, in some places,
a tourist is nothing

but an easy target, but
it doesn't get easier

than robbing a tourist
taking a selfie.

- Oh.
- How rude.

He took the phone.

- Wow!
- Damn!

Well, this is the thing,

not only did he steal the
phone, he uploaded the video,

too, of him stealing
the phone from her.

- Oh, wow!
- Damn!

You know how many selfies he
got like that on people phones?

He got a whole Instagram page

of him just taking
people's phones.

- Yeah.
- [ Laughs ]

All right, so Snoop,
you take selfies?

- All the time.
- Yeah?

- I like taking selfies.
- Okay.

- I love me some me.
- "I love me some me."

Loni, I know you take selfies.

- Of course.
- Okay.

- Not at all.
- Okay.

But I do have a funny
selfie video story.

- Okay.
- Snoop was at like a premiere

or something and I
pretended like I was a fan.

Like, like, "Snoop, please."
"Get this... get this video."

He turned around
like, "I'm sick... ".

Then he had to look in the...
In the phone and see it was me,

like, "Man, DeRay, I thought

you was another one of these
m*therf*ckers walking."

He just... just put me
in video out of nowhere.

People... I know people
just run up on him like,

- "Snoop, in, Snoop out!"
- Ah, oh.

Man, I almost got crip walked.

I remember when we were, we
were filming "Soul Plane."

- "Soul Plane."
- And it was this woman,

she was from Kansas
and she was there

just to see Snoop.

He took the selfie so.

- n*gga wasn't nice to me.
- [ Laughs ]

That's the difference between...

Play a little Snoop balance
game and what does to me.

A man and a woman is different.

You don't have white privilege.

[ Laughter ]

I don't have white privilege?

- No, you don't.
- All right, so moving on.

No one makes their
best decisions

when they're getting lit,

especially these
people right here.

"High Crimes."

First up, here's a lady
who may have mistaken

this real cop for
a male stripper.

- Hey.
- That's my kinda fun.

- Oh, yeah. You like that?
- You like that?

- as*ault.
- Yeah.

Damn.

- He Magic Miking.
- Damn.

I love a drunk
white girl, though.

Let me tell you, you gotta do
what you gotta do when you try

- to get outta them handcuffs.
- [ Laughs ]

And he didn't move
back fast, though.

He got a little grind in.

- Oh, yeah. You like that?
- He nutted right there.

You like that?

If you put some reggae
music behind this.

- [ Music playing ]
- Oh, yeah.

One, two, three,

four, five, six.

A little bit of
reggae back there.

A little bit of doop, ka-choo.

That n*gga said...

[ Laughter ]

He could have moved
over and arrested her.

He chose to stay
with his knee, groin.

- Oh, 'cause he liked that.
- Yeah, he's in it.

He is enjoying.

Everything he's saying,
he's saying it sexy like,

- "I gotta 10-34."
- [ Laughs ]

All right, this next guy
just wants a chill place

to hang out with snacks
while he gets lit.

I mean, realistically,
can you even blame him?

What the f*ck you doing, man?

You did what?

You've been trained by
the owner of the store?

[ Laughter ]

- Nothing to see here, man.
- Nothing to see.

This ain't the first
time he's did this.

This is the first
time he been caught.

- He trained.
- Yeah, he trained.

By the owner.

But he's right, though,
'cause the owner could drink

and eat what he wants.

- I like what he said, "Go on."
- Yeah.

- Like, mind your business.
- Get outta here.

Get outta here. We're good.

He said, "You interrupt him,
he gonna get you ex*cuted."

- You're gonna get ex*cuted.
- Look at them snacks.

- You and everybody with you.
- Trust me.

I would tell him drinking
will stunt his growth

but he sees it already.

- [ Laughs ]
- What makes me laugh is...

What you saying?
He three feet in?

Yeah, damn. Look at that thing.

Yeah, he is little
as a m*therf*cker

'cause he can't even grab
that whole beer bottle, cuz.

[ Laughs ] He's little as hell.

This little n*gga way down here.

[ Laughter ]

I'm gonna let them
keep laughing,

but this woman was so pressed
to make it to happy hour

she stole a case of beer
and turned into the Hulk.

Yes.

[ Alarm beeping ]

Girl!

- Oh, they're fittin'... unh-unh.
- Oh, got it.

I got the beer, let me go!

- [ Roars ]
- Let me go!

- [ Roars ]
- Let me go.

Too slow.

Look at her sneaking
out of here.

Now, I don't know
about you guys,

but I would have
to have the power

of Black Jesus to do this.

She went in there, and
she's seeing them follow her

and she's like, "I
was gonna buy it,

but since y'all
think a b*tch steal."

She's, like, outta here.

Since y'all up on me, I'm gonna
show you a b*tch can steal.

Hey, hey, one last time
can I get that, that trot?

You got it.

This that fake a*s
running people do

when they cross the street, make
you think they're going faster.

- Come on, Brenda.
- Them shoes done had it, too.

They were six-inch heels
when she walked in there.

[ Laughter ]

- Question.
- Yes.

What's the craziest thing
you've ever shoplifted?

- I've never stolen anything.
- Really?

- Yeah.
- She's a liar.

Loni's a liar.

I heard you stole that
white man you got right now.

- [ Laughs ]
- I heard he was happily married

with another white woman,

you gonna come flashing
all that extra.

[ Laughter ]

This next guy
thought ride-sharing

meant everybody got
a turn to drive.

Yeah, where are we at?

You gotta let go
of my hand, bro.

- Thanks so.
- Oh, yeah.

- Snoop made him do it.
- We're heading down south.

We're going...
Going to South Side.

He said, the "South Side."

We ain't going no
g*dd*mn South Side.

What the [bleep], man?!

Oh. Oh.

How the f*ck do you

get to sit this close to
a m*therf*cker, though?

If somebody do an Uber pool,

a person is allowed to
sit in the front seat.

- You gotta let go, man.
- Oh, man, I can't.

Well, when I drop they a*s off,

get your punk a*s
in the backseat.

Right, right.

You ain't fittin' to
sitting up here with me.

Grabbing steering wheels. I'll
punch your a*s out the car.

That looked like
every relationship

in the car at some point.

[ Laughter ]

Every relationship be
like, "What you wanna...

"Why's, why's is you doing
this while I'm driving?

I'll k*ll us both, girl!"

The worst thing you could do

is be behind a wheel with a
woman and she's pissed off.

- Yeah.
- We will stop and press

on the brakes just to
make you launch forward.

Especially when you not
paying her attention,

she'll swerve into the next lane

just so you could say
something to her. Women crazy.

I'm gonna tell you this,

what I used to while
Snoop is sitting here,

when I knew it was going...

When I knew it was
going absolutely bad

with a girl in the car
and I knew this was it,

I always put on
"b*tches ain't sh*t

but hoes and tricks." I
ain't gonna lie to you.

That sh*t got me through it.

I could sit back
and they be like,

"You would play this
sh*t wouldn't you?"

- Yep.
- I promise I'll be right back.

- Ask your mama she know.
- [ Laughs ]

♪♪

♪♪

Welcome back to the show.

Hey, yo, Tacarra, what's next?

All right, so let's check
out some gangsters meeting

their match in
"Criminal Kryptonite."

- "Criminal Kryptonite."
- Hmm.

So, this wannabe
robber walked right

over a freshly mopped floor

and the lesson here
is, never rob a store

when the employees only
make a minimum wage.

You'll pay the price for it.

Where that little yellow
sign at? Oh, my God.

- Hit it with the...
- [ speaks indistinctly ]

- That's right. Kick his a*s.
- Really, over a floor?

- That's right.
- Use that yellow sign.

Oh, sh*t.

Probably a real whipping
for him in a minute.

But that's the mop bucket.

- It's slippery.
- Bam!

- Ooh!
- Ow!

They've been
practicing for that.

- Ooh.
- They f*cked you up.

- [ Speaks indistinctly ]
- His shoe came off.

- Uh-oh!
- Oh, damn!

- Bam!
- Now it's three on one.

Hey! Oh! Footballed his a*s.

- Oh, wow.
- Ooh.

Right next to the goal post.

MMA mixed martial
arts on his a*s.

All right, so Snoop,
you watching this.

I want you to be a commentator

and tell us exactly
what's happening.

Well, you got a meth head
running up on the mopper.

The mopper busting
with flat head,

his brother jumps
in to help him.

They squabble,
slipping and sliding

right next to the goal post.

Bang, he hit him upside the
head with the mop bucket,

but then he falls down.

His brother like, "Get off my
m*therf*cking brother, cuz."

Hold up, ooh, one more
time upside your head.

- He got mopped.
- Right for the... Yeah.

Hold on, let me put my shoe on.

Wait, let me get my...
f*ck your shoe, n*gga.

Damn! f*ck outta here.

Boom! Rush his whole
a*s in the corner

up under the Tic Tacs.

[ Laughter ]

This next one is a Valentine

to fast food security
guards everywhere.

I think I'm in love.

- Okay.
- Security's trying to talk.

Uh-oh, this at the airport?

- No, this is at McDonald's.
- Oh, it's at McDonald's.

- [ Bell dings ]
- Oh, oh.

That's a McFlurry.

Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight.

- Uh-oh.
- Goodnight, goodnight.

- Boom, boom.
- He take everybody out.

Is that the choke out?

- Ooh.
- Oh, some real sh*t?

He just leaves
twins on the ground.

- We're brothers, f*ck it.
- He the only one.

The one in the
black was faking it.

All of 'em asleep.

- Uh-huh.
- He was faking it.

- No, you know what this is?
- This is a case of being out

with a lotta dudes who
act like they could fight

but y'all never fought
around each other.

Wow.

They like, one of us has got
it and none of 'em had it.

No, they thought the security
guard couldn't fight.

- Yes!
- It was four to one.

And I've been in that position
where it's like, it's me

and the homies and we deep,
and there's just one person,

you think you've
got an advantage,

that's when you
at a disadvantage

'cause first of all,
his jacket says,

"security" that means he knows
how to secure the premises.

And the knocked the fry
out that first n*gga mouth.

[ Laughter ]

He gave that n*gga
the Happy Meal.

He gave him a 10-piece special.

I'm wondering what them n*gg*s
talked about in the car after.

Like, who got whupped worse?

What do you think they
was talking about?

"Hey, n*gga, you
got socked first."

"Hey, man. What happened?"

Three of 'em. He knocked
out three of 'em. Why?

So, he trying to keep it
gangster pulling his pants up.

One thing, he just sizing 'em
and say, he ain't even gangster.

- Here comes the grimace.
- The grimace.

Let me get him outta here first.

Then get your b*tch
a*s outta here.

Okay. He knocked two
out and one got away.

He was going on through
the one that got away.

- Right.
- Oh, he beating him up, too,

- you see in the corner?
- Yeah, he beat 'em up.

How you gonna tell this to
your wife and your kids?

No, I will be that
man right there.

That old man,
that's still eating.

Y'all not messing up my
meal. I'm still eating.

Hey, that last n*gga got up
and tried to order again.

He's just like,

- "Extra nuggets."
- On the side.

n*gga put him a McFlurry
and punches on his a*s.

Okay.

Time to break to
address and reassess.

♪♪

♪♪

We're back like snap backs
on your hatchback, you dig?

We got more fire
coming your way.

Tacarra, light us up.

These next clips
show love gone wrong.

They're "Crimes of Passion."

Mm.

You ever wish you could hang
up on a virtual intercom?

Look at what this
guy did right here.

Yo, what you want?

- You're not coming in here.
- Answer the door.

You're not coming in here.

- That's right.
- Bye.

Answer the f*cking door!

- Bye!
- Take you and your no-shirt.

- How tall is he?
- Hey... are you?

Hey, put it back!

- What!
- Yeah.

Oh, my God.

He gonna take her with him.

This n*gga took the Ring.

Yeah. And fail.

You gotta respect
his pimping, man.

Oh, wow.

I knew from the red cup
something was about to happen.

- Oh, yeah.
- That'll open the door.

Mm-hmm.

- Oh, no.
- Where has his clothes gone?

- Take you and your no-shirt.
- Bye!

Look, he taking a
selfie right there.

[ Laughter ]

He done shot himself.

- Why are you taking my...
- He can't believe he took it.

Oh, look at his face.

Now he outta here,
he looking around.

That's that double-look
crooks do, look both ways.

- Give me my f*cking camera.
- He says, "Cheers, b*tch."

- "Give me my f*cking camera!"
- "Cheers."

- That's some good WiFi.
- That's good. Oh! [ Laughs ]

- [ Laughs ]
- Oh, man. Loni, you, you...

Somebody come over to
your house, it's late.

Uh-huh.

You tell 'em it's too
late, get outta here.

You talking to 'em
through the Ring camera.

He take it off, what you doing?

It ain't never too late,
so I'm opening the door.

He ain't got to worry.

He can come on my house.
It ain't never too late.

- Yeah.
- Come on, man.

You gotta respect us, man.
As men, please, thank you.

- Okay.
- We've been through too much.

- Oh, Lord.
- So you already know what it is.

We respect him. We
ain't f*cking with him.

- Okay.
- Like, she wrong.

- All right.
- She should a opened the door?

It's part of the
"He Too" movement.

- Yeah, she wrong.
- Okay.

- Yeah, the "He Too" movement.
- "He Too"?

- He's treated wrong.
- He deserved to take that camera.

He probably paid
for that camera.

Ah!

You ain't gotta look at no
other n*gg*s with his camera.

Run it back when he
walking down the steps.

- Give me my f*cking camera!
- Give me my f*cking camera!

The fact that he didn't look

at the steps at all
when he went down.

- No, no.
- That's talent right there.

- Yeah.
- A camera in one hand,

a cup in the other,
he has them up,

- "Cheers."
- He cheer sing her.

He about to go sh**t
a sex tape with that.

- [ Laughter ]
- Now she gotta watch it home.

[ Laughs ]

Next up, this woman
thinks revenge is a dish

best served out of a
barrel of a paintball g*n.

Oh, show this.

She'd better be glad her
dumb-a*s didn't catch a charge.

- Is that a skateboard?
- Wait, which one is the woman?

- It's a paintball.
- It's a paintball.

- Oh.
- Oh!

- Jeez.
- No!

Oh, she weighed him up, dawg.

- Oh!
- He trying to drive.

That... Is that Dan...
Wait! Is that Dan Browne?

- That n*gga's a...
- [ Speaks indistinctly ]

That's Dan Browne, that's why
he didn't wanna get caught.

- Who was that?
- Wait.,

Yo, that's so gangster.

Who got that camera
angle right there?

- That's on.
- Oh, she a good shot.

- She lit his a*s up.
- Ricky, no!

No, that's... that's you went
been with another woman and...

Yeah, that's a... yeah.

Diary of a mad black woman show.

But did you see the way

she was swinging a
g*n, she was mad.

- Mm-hmm.
- I had a girl do that

to me with bleach
before in a water g*n.

And I apologized
to you after that.

Loni, you've never
apologized to me.

- You know what?
- Ever since we broke up

you've been with that white man.

I'm glad I get to
see you right now.

You've never apologized
to me formerly.

I'm glad we on this
show right now,

but it ain't that kinda show.

You got two b*tches,
what am I supposed to do?

- Look, look, look.
- Wait all my life?

You're, you're a dumb criminal
'cause you stole my heart.

[ Laughter ]

- Snoop, about to cry.
- That's about heavy.

- Don't.
- He about to tear up again.

Y'all gotta... y'all can't
make me tear up again.

I'm gonna make your boyfriend
black with brown paintballs.

He gonna show up with
a black face, watch.

- Next clip.
- All right.

All right, so, clearly as you
can see, love is complicated.

But if you're gonna vandalize
your boyfriend's car,

please make sure you
do a spell check first.

This b*tch, this b*tch
gonna come slicing my tires.

Oh. g*dd*mn.

This paint-buying a*s b*tch
can't even spell liar right.

- She's put lair.
- It f*cking say lair.

- No, no.
- You stupid h*.

She's spelled it right
'cause that's what

- that n*gga f*cking at.
- You dumb head b*tch.

- Lair.
- She went to his lair.

- I love you. That's crazy, fool!
- f*cking madness, cuz.

Lair.

L-A-I-R. Who taught
that, your daddy?

Loni, have you ever been
this upset with somebody?

No, but they've
been upset with me.

- Mm.
- And they did that, yeah.

- With the slashes.
- To your car?

Yeah. Slashed my tires.

He said he wanted
to inconvenience me.

I said, "b*tch, I
got Triple A." Okay?

- It's no inconvenience.
- Right.

Ain't that dangerous
to slash tires?

I just feel like if you was
to put a knife to a tire

it could just blow up
and f*ck your wrist up.

- No, no.
- It's a certain angle, I heard.

- You, you heard?
- [ Laughs ]

You see, but I'm gonna
tell you what I do, though.

That's why women never know
exactly what kinda car I drive.

I rent cars all the time.

- Okay. Okay.
- So, you slash my sh*t

you're gonna hear
from Hertz, b*tch.

[ Laughter ]

But y'all can make songs like,

"I bust the windows out your
car" and that ain't cool.

If I'm making songs like
that I'm going to jail.

- Yeah, that's right.
- Immediately.

You should.

So, real quick, I want
you guys to go on ahead

and check out this
jealous girlfriend

who'd been taken for a
ride by her cheating man,

and now she's actually
returning the favor.

- Dude!
- Wow, yes.

That's what we...
That's what we do.

- Ooh.
- Ma'am, stop!

- Getting drug.
- Hey, stop the car!

- And his pants still down.
- Stop the car!

Hey, ma'am, stop the car!

- Johnny up, baby.
- Stop the car!

- That must have been his car.
- He don't wanna let go.

- But how his pants come down?
- Was they already down?

- He was in there doing it.
- Okay.

- Yeah.
- She caught him cheating.

- Yep.
- And then all of a sudden

he probably trying to, "Baby,
I didn't mean to. I'm sorry."

Crawled to the car and she
like, "n*gga, let my car go."

And then he lied
to her, he's like,

"I wasn't doing nothing,"
but your pants is down.

Hey, yo, and she
can't get in trouble

'cause the tint
is heavy on there.

- [ Laughs ]
- You don't know who driving.

It's like, you don't
know I was in that car.

But how she get... but how she
get in the driver seat, though?

Because he probably
was in the backseat

and so she got into
the driver's seat.

- See, y'all know all this stuff.
- I don't know this.

So, the h*, the other chick
is still in the backseat?

Probably. She probably ran out.

Just sit back there
just wondering.

If she ain't back there,
her wig is back there.

- [ Laughs ]
- Okay.

You walking down the street
or you're driving down

the street and you see
this, what do you thinking?

I'm taking pictures,
that's what I'm doing.

- I'm calling The General.
- You're calling the who?

With rates you can get online.

'Cause you ain't insured
for sh*t like this,

that's what I'll be like.

- "Y'all have things like this?"
- That's great.

That's the car insurance I
need, something like that.

I feel like if you gonna
cheat, be in shape, you know,

- so you can get out of it.
- Well, exactly.

Like, she's not even
going that fast.

He just keeps hanging around.

- Nephew.
- What's the problem? Let go.

That... that ride
on that hot asphalt

snatched the skin
off that n*gga leg

like a piece of chicken
at a Popeyes chicken.

n*gga, that just
slid right on off.

All right, so here's
another couple

that proves cars and
breakups don't even mix.

Okay.

- Let him get his stuff out.
- This is another one.

- Let him get his stuff.
- Mm-hmm.

- Oh, he throwing. Oh.
- Mm-hmm.

Oh. Ooh! Ooh! Oh, okay.

- Oh, this one is so good.
- Oh, she's mad.

- It's so good.
- Look at his reaction.

- Oh!
- Oh, good move. Hey!

- Look at him.
- But look at him, though.

Hey, hey, you missed
me. [ Laughs ]

Oh. Now, this is...

We really do hope
she has insurance.

- And he said, "Ah, ah!
- Ah, ah! Ah, ah!"

- Oh, wow.
- She's going to jail.

Yeah, you're trying
to hit somebody.

She's going to jail.

- That's attempted m*rder.
- Oh, yeah.

That's what I'm saying, I
can't do nothing like that.

It done went from domestic
to attempted m*rder,

- to using the car in a...
- Yeah.

as*ault with a deadly weapon.

- as*ault with a deadly car.
- A deadly car.

Hey, yo, but you know
how women... how women...

as*ault with a deadly
car. [ Laughs ]

All the woman gotta say is

he was stealing her laundry
and that's what she did.

Look at this n*gga
cutting right here.

Look at that cut.
He done made NFL.

Look at that cut. Yo, look
how quick he cut, though.

- That n*gga cut like a...
- Look how quick he cut.

Like a bull.

- Side swipe right there.
- Look at that move.

Yeah, she probably tried
to k*ll him right there.

Look at that... Look
at his move right here.

Watch him psych her
out. Ooh, and a cut!

Touchdown! Touchdown
right there.

Touchdown right there.

She can't get the tackle
and that might have

cost her a lot of money.

[ Laughter ]

He celebrates the championships.

She gets out. She's upset.

She's clearly mad
about him scoring.

He still has his clothes.
He still has his hoes.

She has no vehicle.

[ Laughter ]

♪♪

♪♪

One, two, three and to the four,

Snoop Doggy Dogg is
back with a little more.

Hey, yo, Tacarra, do the honors.

Next up, the universe
kicks some a*s courtesy of,

"Instant Karma."

When it comes to crackheads,

locks don't matter and
neither do mails lots.

Watch how one dude
deals with this.

- Mm-hmm. He's trying to get in.
- Look at his strength.

- Bro.
- Holy!

- Whoa!
- Oh!

Oh! Oh!

- Oh, he broke it.
- Oh!

- Liquor?
- Oh!

- Aah!
- I left my key.

g*dd*mn, Henry!

Oh, he beat him with
all his mama's strength.

- Can I see that again?
- 'Cause was is that a bat?

- Yeah. A mini bat.
- Yeah. It's a bat.

You know people are crazy
when they got a mini bat.

I got one in my car.

Oh! I think it's time to move.

[ Laughter ]

He snatched it back out so fast.

That m*therf*cker
was out like this.

Okay.

Well, the good thing
about arm being like that,

now he can get in any
places 'cause like real...

Now it just has no bone in it.

He could just shove
it under sh*t.

He can shove it
under the door now.

[ Laughter ]

All right. Now, y'all
gotta see this next cat.

He shows up drunk
and leaves hammered.

Oh, this is a nice clean store.

Mm-hmm. Drunk.

- What do you want?
- Some ice cream?

Uh-oh.

- Oh, he's spray mace and...
- Uh-oh.

- Ooh!
- Uh-oh. Yes!

- Ooh!
- Oh! [ Laughs ]

Swinging at anything now.

That's right. Shove something.

- He gonna get chaired. WWE!
- Oh!

- Wrestling match!
- Oh! Just go down! Take a knee!

Under this I hear, "The
Three Stooges" music.

[ Whimsical music playing ]

Bong, bong, bong.

- Oh, my goodness.
- Dude, just go down.

- He broke a leg on his a*s.
- Yes!

He said he never drinking again.

Do you have any more of this
lovely white on white crime?

[ Laughter ]

- So, when it comes...
- [ laughing ]

Just wanna see a
little more of it.

Now, watch how this next
lady puts 20 on pump five,

but her car was still left on E.

[ Tires screech ]

- Don't play.
- Right away.

- That's right.
- You're not gonna kidnap me.

- That's right.
- They're waiting on that sh*t.

- You're not gonna kidnap me.
- All you need now is a match.

In the whole car.

- That's right.
- That's quick thinking, too.

First of all, you're not gonna
pull up on me in a Scooby van.

[ Laughter ]

Tell 'em ain't taking
my... My nothin'.

That's just number
one. [ Laughter ]

And you can tell she been in
a lotta water hose fights,

her aim is impeccable
whoever that is.

Yes.

She flying gas across the
m*therf*cking car on them.

They're gonna smell like
that for about four weeks.

- Look at this.
- She peeking fast, too.

- Oh, look, look.
- He tried to go around.

- Not today.
- Gas 'em up. Gas 'em up.

- She got that one.
- She got that one.

Just see one of them dumb
m*therf*ckers when they drive,

"Man, I can't believe we
got away." Shoosh! Boom!

[ Laughter ]

Can you imagine that blowing up?

The only thing is she was using

premium, that's
the only problem.

That cost about $50.

- Thank you.
- That's our show.

I gotta thank my guests
for sliding through.

Loni Love, I appreciate you
for coming through, baby girl.

You know how much I love you.

DeRay Davis from Chi
Town, what it do, nephew?

- Thank you so much.
- Appreciate it.

And, of course, the lovely
clip stress, Tacarra Williams.

Don't be dumb, check your IQ

or the next episode
might be about you.

- Mm.
- f*cking dummy.

- Bars.
- [ Laughs ]

♪♪