01x05 - Parental Perpetuators

[bunniefuu]

On this episode of "So
Dumb It's Criminal,"

we showcase the classics.

[ g*nsh*t ] reckless g*n play,

delinquent parenting,

and acrobatic apprehension,

all on "So Dumb It's Criminal."

Welcome to "So Dumb
It's Criminal,"

the show will make you
want to kiss your mama

for raising you right.

Say hello to
America's most wanted,

Jim Jeffries,

and to his left, Diallo Riddle.

And the lady in the middle...
Yeah, she brings it all,

she's on the ball, that's
my queen, that's my doll.

Tacarra, what it do, baby boo?

What up, what up, what up?

How should we kick
this off today?

Well, since were gonna be

chopping it up
about dumb crimes,

have you guys ever actually
witnessed a dumb crime?

Every day I witness
dumb criminals.

I just... some of my
kids is dumb criminals.

They come in my
room, steal my sh*t,

and wear it right in
front of me, just f*ck it.

Diallo, you ever
witnessed a crime?

I was in a hold-up in
a drug store one time.

I was in there buying some paper

to fill out my
college application,

and a guy came in and
held up the place.

Hey, m*therf*cker, give it up!

I was like,"Just please let me
to get to college, dear Lord.

Please let me get to college."

And you, n*gga over there
with that college application!

The f*ck you got in your pocket?

Yes, sir, yes, sir.

All right, Jim?

Well, it's pretty dumb,

but I was living in
Manchester, England,

maybe 15 years ago,

and I was part of an
aggravated burglary

where they came
in and tied me up

and stole all my stuff
and drove off in my car.

And, yeah, I know, it's funny.

And they actually got caught

because they were
driving around in my car

with ski masks on in June.

- Okay.
- And they went to prison

for 12 years, true story.

Damn, for real?

But apart from that,
I was on the stand.

Oh, I was brilliant. I was
popping in jokes and stuff.

I was really good. [ Laughter ]

So what you got
teed up for us, T?

All right, everybody has
a bad day once in a while,

and someone usually's
on the receiving end.

Let's check out
"Anger Management."

- Hey.
- [ Speaks indistinctly ]

Oh, sh*t.

Batman kicking Spider-Man's
a*s in the snow.

Beat his dog-a*s, Batman.

Oh, sh*t! Oh, f*ck.

Man, get in there!

Saint Nick, Saint Nick to
the m*therf*cking rescue.

You b*tch, you!

Spider-Man, you ain't sh*t.

You need to give
your uniform back.

Let me just say, I think
Zack Snyder is a genius.

He's willing to do things
with these characters

that nobody else
is willing to do.

I didn't know it snowed this
much on Hollywood Boulevard.

[ Laughter ]

Now, what's confusing
about this...

Is it Halloween?
Is it Christmas?

- Thank you.
- What's going on?

What's funny to me
is how people are

so casually walking by.

They're like, "Oh,
another fight.

They're fighting again."

- Santa Claus is a hero, man.
- Santa was just like this...

"Oh, I see some c**t
on the naughty list."

[ Laughter ]

Can I just point out,
Spider-Man got his butt kicked

by Batman, a person
with no superpowers.

Thank you. I thought I was the
only one who felt that way.

- He got money.
- Yeah, he's a billionaire.

That's the biggest
power of them all.

That's the best superpower in
the world when you got money.

You can get into space if
you're a f*cking billionaire.

Yeah, but Santa's
Santa, you know?

Santa came in rocking.

Santa got the
gifts, got the kids,

the elves, he got everything.

Santa's head is...
Foot game is strong.

You said, "Santa's
foot game is strong"?

He kicked him right
in the side, man.

I thought it was a fake clip,
but then that kick was real.

Now, our next angry person got
real mad at some AT&T trucks

for being parked
near his driveway.

Let's see how he handled it.

[ Buzzer ]

[ g*nsh*t ]

- Oh, he got a g*n.
- [ g*nsh*t ]

That's a g*n. [ g*nsh*t ]

He crazy.

This m*therf*cker crazy.

There's a guy
sh**ting out my tires.

I'm working in the
area. Miami, Florida.

sh**ting, with an
actual g*n, a revolver.

He's sh**ting out the tires.

- [ g*nsh*t ]
- 'Cause it's parked there?

- Wow.
- Yeah, well, it's gonna be

parked there a lot longer.

Yeah, I don't
understand the logic.

- Yeah.
- I don't want your car.

I don't want these
cars parked out here,

so let me make them immovable.

- Yeah, yeah.
- If he's sh**ting up with his...

He's sh**ting out the window.

- I'm sorry.
- Where are the ricochets?

Like, he's standing point
blank sh**ting this vehicle,

and there's nothing
happening to him.

Also, by the way, I think
he said this is in Florida.

I did not have to be told that.

- Okay, Okay.
- Like, this is clearly...

If there's a car parked
in front of my driveway,

I'm just gonna say,
"Hey" especially

if it's a working
truck for the city,

"Can you move the car?"

There's a car parked in
front of your driveway,

I just wouldn't make it
impossible to move the car.

Right, 'cause now,
I can't go nowhere.

Now this guy's gonna be
late to wherever he's going.

- To his bingo match.
- [ Laughter ]

The most disturbing
thing, really, here is

when do you get to the age

where you tuck
t-shirts into shorts

and you still use,
like, a dress belt?

But your finest white socks.

Yeah, nothing else
is dressed up.

Look, man, d*ck Cheney's
taking retirement easy.

[ Laughter ]

All right, next up...
Someone in the school bus

threw a bottle at
this next dude,

and he said, "Screw it. I'm
gonna be a hood ornament."

Take a look at this.

You can see in the video

recorded yesterday in Parkville


ran holding onto the hood

of that bus and
slamming down on it.

Do ran yells at the
driver to open the door,

but the driver refuses to do so.

That's a school bus, right?

Police say that Do ran told them

that someone threw a bottle
from the bus, hitting his car.

Tonight, he's facing
several charges.

- m*therf*cking named Leverne...
- He looks like the guy

who was sh**ting out the
tires on the other video.

- [ Laughing ] He does!
- He's just put on a hat.

Imagine how much Leverne
talks with his hands

when he's not
holding onto a bus.

[ Laughter ]

Gesticulation is very
important to this man.

He's not willing to
sacrifice it for anything.

- I think he might be Italian.
- Just saying.

Maybe. Maybe.

I wonder what kind of a bottle
it was that pissed him off.

Like, was it Coke?
Was it Diet Coke?

Probably a beer
bottle, 40-ounce...

A beer bottle out
of a school bus?

They threw a beer bottle?

- Look at the bus driver.
- He look hood as a m*therf*cker.

[ Laughter ]

Moving on, this
next chunk of show

is 50 shades of dumb.

Take it away, Snoop.

Say hello to "Deez Nutz."

[ Laughter ]

A caped cruiser speeds
through the aisles

of a busy Alexandria Walmart.

A few close calls, almost
hitting some shoppers.

Here, barely missing this
woman on a motorized scooter.

Under the cape is


His brother,


drove the getaway car.

The two brothers
were quickly found

and arrested at their
home in Taylor Mill.

Here's Evel Knievel of
the underwear section!

I like that he wore a helmet

because he's, you know,

a sensible sort of fella.

[ Laughter ]

Doesn't want to get injured.

Oh, he's got a Confederate flag.

Only in America.

This is what... Okay,
Confederate flag.

I don't really get flags.

I'm not as into it
as Americans are.

You all like flags, right,
and statues and sh*t?

You'll fight about
flags and stuff.

What I don't get is, so
if the American flag...

If you drop it on the
ground, you're in trouble,

if you burn it, in trouble,

but if you make
it into a g-string

and you shove it up your
a*s, it's a bit of fun.

[ Laughter ]

That's a great point, and we
never thought of it like that.

Mm-hmm.

See, you're on the
outside looking in,

but that's a great
f*cking point.

Thanks, Snoop.

Here's somebody
who got pulled over

for being a little too honest.

- "Cops suck d*ck."
- [ Laughs ] Wow.

- They pulled him over for that?
- For "Cops suck d*ck"? Yeah.

I'm assuming he got
pulled over for something

other than the sticker.

Yeah, the sticker was like,
after we pulled him over.

- Yeah.
- You know, what the f*ck

- do this mean?
- Exactly.

Well, no, 'cause remember
on another episode,

a guy got pulled over 'cause
his sticker said, "I eat a*s."

Okay, your son's going to jail.

So he has these obscene words
on the back of his truck

- that says, "I eat a*s," okay?
- Okay.

Yeah, it's just "I eat a*s"

and he said, "I'm
pulling him over."

Ma'am, I'm taking
your son to jail

because he has the "I eat
a*s" on the back of his truck.

Oh, no, if I was a
cop and I saw someone

had written, "I eat
a*s" on their truck,

I'd pull 'em over
and say, "Prove it."

[ Laughter ]

♪♪

So "Cops suck d*ck"... I
could see them being upset

and pulling him over.

So here's another dude
making a run for it,

who's a*s gotta be
made of pillows.

- Oh!
- Oh!

- sh*t!
- You know what that mean?

- Her man came home.
- Uh-huh.

Yeah, that's exactly
what happened there.

Where that
m*therf*cker at that...

Zhwoooo! Bah!

Yeah, he looks like he's
still putting his shoe on.

That's a hood window.

He went gymnastics
on that m*therf*cker.

We may have to put
him in the Olympics.

Do you guys want
to see that again?

See, that's why I always say,

when you messing around
with somebody's girl...

Mm-mm?

Make sure she on
the first floor.

[ Laughter ]

- Oh, you look so good, girl.
- You look so...

Hey, what... What
suite number you in?

- 1706.
- Mm.

I don't know. We gonna have
to figure this sh*t out.

I'll meet you
downstairs in the lobby.

All right, so we got a lot of
opinions flying around here,

but we can all agree...

Bringing your baby into
a wild habitat at the zoo

is, like, a whole
next level to stupid.

Babies don't belong at the zoo.

- Oh, oh.
- Dumb m*therf*cker.

Yeah, this is San
Diego, I remember this.

- Oh.
- Look out!

Didn't have the nerve
to put the kid down.

[ Elephant trumpets ]

[ Indistinct talking ]

- This dumb m*therf*cker.
- Why did he went over there?

- Take a picture?
- Yes.

What are you all
complaining about?

It's a bloody elephant.
They're not even meat-eaters.

I'd let one babysit my kid.

The elephant just came
over to say hello.

Leave the poor thing alone.

The elephant came over
to trample his a*s.

He said, "Bro, you
in my living room."

Thank you. You supposed to be
over there taking pictures.

Now get your b*tch a*s over
there before I step on you.

In his defense,
he's posts have been

- getting like, 25, 35 likes.
- Okay.

So, you know, he's trying
to up them numbers.

Okay.

All right, wait,
wait, wait a minute.

We're all getting
into this fella.

How do we not know that the
bloody child climbed over there,

and this man's a f*cking hero

who saved that kid before...

We're only seeing the
footage from there.

He's a wonderful man.

- Right.
- Did nothing wrong.

- Right.
- No, 'cause he's standing there

with the baby like this.

Oh, after you do
something heroic,

you want to take a picture.

[ Laughter ]

We got to take a break,
but we'll be right back

with more foolishness
and criminality.

Don't go nowhere.

♪♪

♪ Baby, baby, baby ♪

Welcome back, let's
dig into some mentality

of some criminality.

Tacarra, where you at?

Crimes caught on Ring
cameras tend to be dumber

than the average crime.

Watch these front porches
become crime scenes

in "Local Crime Ring."

Ring, Ring, Ring.

So, this first thief
didn't just want a package.

She actually tried to
snatch the entire shipment.

- She bold as a m*therf*cker.
- Hey, what are you doing?

- What are you doing?
- What are you doing?

- What the f*ck are you doing?
- Debra?

No, it's not.

Put my packages
back on the porch.

- This isn't Debra?
- No, it's not.

- Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.
- I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry.

Oh, now you gonna act

like you're on the
phone with somebody?

Was she saying that, "Oh, I
thought this was my stuff"?

- She knew damn well.
- I bet you Debra was

on the phone like, "Don't
say my name or implicate me

in this g*dd*mn Ring."

[ Laughter ] Stupid a*s.

Have you ever had somebody
steal packages off your porch?

I actually had once...
I had a package stolen

off my porch, and it was
a similar box to that.

- Mm-mm.
- And it was just unsold

merchandise from one
of my tours, so...

So now when you see
people in your merch,

- you're like, "m*therf*cker."
- Yeah, every time I see someone

in a Jim Jeffries t-shirt...

"That f*cking c**t
stole my f*cking..."

[ Laughter ]

- Diallo, ever?
- Sadly all the time.

Have you ever caught
somebody, though?

No, we haven't
caught a soul yet.

- Okay.
- So I think we're gonna move.

I'll tell you...
This is a true story.

So you know when you get
the thing from the bank,

and the bank's like, "Hey,
we have some suspicious

- stuff on your credit card"?
- Yeah.

And then it was,
like, baby formula

and diapers and stuff like that,
so I let them keep the card

for a couple of weeks
before I reported it.

But then they started
getting outrageous.

They were buying
Jordans and stuff.

I was like, "f*ck this." I
was all in on the diapers.

They gave the hood test,
The hood test is...

- Mm-hmm.
- "Let's put that infant meal

on here, diapers,
the baby powder.

Okay, they ain't
f*cking with us.

Now let's get to Jordans,
them sweat suits,

those gold chains,

"and let's get us an
Airbnb too, by the way."

All right, so it's not always
a person caught on Ring.

Nature be out here bugging, too.

Oh, wow.

What do you f*cking do if
a bear's in your house?

- Nothing.
- [ Laughs ]

What the f*ck are you supposed
to do? It's Christmas, too.

He took a Christmas
parcel, the mean b*stard.

Oh, I bet you
that's Omaha Steaks.

- Yes.
- [ Laughter ]

Yeah, you heard
the little crunch.

- Omaha, mm-hmm.
- That's some food in there.

He was like, "Nah,
this is mine, son."

- Yeah, he smelled around.
- He was like...

Dang it, oh, oh, oh!

I'll tell you what...
These people can afford it.

Anybody who has a
big f*cking drummer

on the side of their house...

Where do people store this sh*t?

And also, the fact that on
the side of the drum it says,

"Season's greetings"... You
don't have to put that on.

We already know
what you're doing.

You're happy about Christmas.

[ Laughter ]

I don't feel guilty
about these people.

I'd rob these people all
day. They have enough.

You got bears in your
community, wouldn't you think

- to have, like, a gate?
- Thank you!

Like, like, first thing
I'm gonna do is put

a eight-foot gate with
sensors and all kind of lasers

and sh*t to shock a
m*therf*cker when they touch it.

They just letting this
m*therf*cker walk up

to the front door. What
if he was going outside?

There's a good chance
they're in a gated community.

Just because a bear
moves in doesn't mean

that the rest of the
properties go down in value.

[ Laughing ] All right.

So some offenses
hit a little harder

when it's a person you
would never suspect.

Just a normal
delivery guy, right?

He look like he up to no good.

Put the phone down,
se the sh*t down.

Look at this sh*t.

Oh, no!

He took the picture
and he took it back.

So what you said
is, he basically did

if Santa Claus was a commie
and give you some gifts.

- Take a picture of it.
- Take a picture of the sh*t,

then you wake up
and then Santa Claus

took the m*therf*cking gifts
back to the North Pole.

And Santa's like, "Look,
man, I sent you the picture.

The gifts were there."

- I ate the milk and cookies.
- I was here.

Look, I was here, and
the gift was here, too.

The thing that kills me nowadays

is that nobody see the camera?

And like Ring cameras
are not even hidden.

Like, they're on
the front porch.

Yeah, but he's wearing
the mask, you see.

- Yeah.
- I'm gonna miss the mask.

That's my favorite thing
about the pandemic.

- Yeah?
- Bloody brilliant, it is.

You walk around, you can
be rude to people again,

no one knows who you are.

I'll tell you who's gonna
really miss the masks...

Girls with good
bodies but sh*t faces.

They were cleaning up in
the pandemic, I tell you.

They were.

In Australia, we
call them prawns.

You keep the body. You
throw away the head.

Oh, my God.

- It's not my joke.
- That's my nation's joke.

That m*therf*cker
called them a prawn.

Oh, my goodness.

A distant cousin of a shrimp.

[ Laughter ]

We'll be back with more
reasons you're glad you're you,

right after this.

♪ Baby, baby, baby ♪

♪ Baby, baby, baby ♪

Welcome back to the show.

What's next, my clip stress?

All right, moving on.

Every now and then, someone
steps up and lowers the bar

at the exact same time.

And when they do, we induct them
into our Criminal Hall of Fame.

Our inductee had the
right to remain silent,

but he chose otherwise.

He stole a car, confessed,

and announced he was
running for office.

It's the trifecta of stupidity.

Hello, my name's
Jeffrey McCants.

I'm running for Mayor of
Mobile, Alabama, baby.

Hey, [indistinct]

Man, I'm running for the
mayor, I promise you.

Why did you take the vehicle?

Ma'am, if I had a woman like
you, I wouldn't need to.

- Come on.
- I took it because.

God told me to.

And guess what? God
help me do everything.

I steal everything, man.

I stole your... I
steal your heart, baby.

Please, I needed some gas,

so therefore, what I
did... I took a car.

I had to.

Only way I could
have got me some gas.

It said, "Hey, man.

Hey, you'll get there
faster if you take me."

So I said, "Okay, car,
I'm gonna take you."

And I washed it.
I washed the car.

- And he washed it.
- "And I washed it."

He washed the car.

[ Laughter ]

That n*gga said, "The car said,

'You'll drive faster
if you take me.'

So I took the car."

This n*gga having
conversations with cars.

And he running for... What
he said, mayor, governor?

He said he's running for the
mayor of Mobile, Alabama.

- Jeffrey McCants Jr. for mayor.
- For mayor.

He's got my vote.

[ Laughter ]

All right, on to the next one.

We always like to
give a shout-out

to those crazy people
you see on local news

at the scene of a crime.

Here's a favorite we
showed on an early episode.

Check out how he
described a police chase.

The police officer
got behind the man

and started going so fast, his
car spinned out of control.

Girl, he hit the po.

His head went to one
side, and his body

went to the other side,
and this is the result.

Lord be with this young
man. He need a blessing.

So, what did... where were
you when this happened?

Well, ma'am, I was
actually going to buy me

a piece of burger
from Burger King.

And I just stopped
right in the middle

because my hunger
just went away.

[ Laughter ]

What's a piece of burger?

Sometimes you're not
just that hungry.

You go in for a piece of burger.

That's called a slider.

Not in all communities, Jim.

- Oh, some real sh*t, man.
- I love this clip so much.

So, coming on this
show right about now,

I want you all to give it up

for the one and only
Courtney Barnes.

Hi! How's it going? What's up?

Courtney, what it
do, what it do?

Taking it one day at time,
letting the Lord will me

in the right direction,
being a listening ear

and a open-hearted person,
so what's going on?

I'm calling you because
I'm such a fan of the way

you gave us the description
of what went down.

I just wanna know, what have
you been doing since then?

Have you been doing
other things, you know,

with your career as far as being

in front of that
television camera?

To keep it real with you,

or just, should I
say, one thou wow?

Yeah, one thou wow.

[ Laughter ]

- It's been a struggle.
- I feel like I've been

a the bottom of the ocean.
I feel like, you know,

I've been tossed on
each side of the table.

To answer your question,
I've been all over the place.

So what I want you to do is,

I want you to walk us through
the day of the car chase.

So, it basically
happened like this.

I was very hungry.

I was in a dire,
dire-ing hunger.

I was so hungry,
I'm telling you...

It just... it took
me to another place.

I started paying attention
to almost everything,

which was everything,
and I noticed this erupt,

and it took place, which
was a car accident.

It looked like it was
just... Just unbelievable.

And I'm telling you, long
story short, it was horrible.

It was horrible. I
mean, it was horrible.

Like, I mean, the police
officer inside the car

was bent up like a pretzel.

That guy just jumped
out his car and fled.

And his car door was just left
swung open like a cabinet door

that, you know, a child went
in to take the snacks out of.

So, I mean, it was
just left open.

I mean, I'm trying
to explain to you,

but I think you
don't really get it

because you had to been there.

No, no, no, no, you
explained it so well,

we didn't have to be there.

I know exactly
what happened now.

You paint quite the picture.

So let me tell you something.

I'm always ready.
I'm always prepared.

I'm like Big Bird
on "Sesame Street."

I'm always prepared and ready.
I'm right there. I'm ready.

- Big Bird from "Sesame Street."
- Yeah, yeah, no, no.

You got to give
it up to Big Bird.

Never missed a line,
always knew his stuff.

That's why I said I'm like
Big Bird on "Sesame Street."

I'm there. I'm ready. You
gonna always notice me.

You gonna always see me, so...

[ Laughter ]

So I'm there, I'm
ready, I'm waiting.

Snoop Dogg, quit
slowing down the process

and bring me on in the ring,

because I'm ready to
give it a one, two,

and a three, four, and a maaah!

He's ready like Big Bird,

not that f*cking hack
Mr. Snuffleupagus.

- We love you, Courtney.
- We love you.

Stay being you. Stay
true to who you are.

God bless you, and thank
you for stopping by.

Stay real.

[ Applause ]

We'll be back with
more after this.

♪ Baby, baby, baby ♪

♪ Baby, baby, baby ♪

Welcome back. Hit me with
what you got next, T.

So, Australia has some
of the craziest criminals

outside of the U.S.

So since we have Jim
here... Hey, Jim...

We're gonna show
you some right now.

♪♪

America, you think
you have White Tr*sh?

Nothing?

We have some of the
greatest White Tr*sh

you'll ever f*cking
see. Don't worry.

You don't have the
monopoly on those people.

- We have them.
- Oh, my goodness.

All right, so I have
a question, Jim.

- Sure.
- Do things like this normally

happen at bus
stops in Australia?

Oh. Dead pool.

He want to take on a
superhero today, huh?

He did it right.

He is actually a superhero,
and what the f*ck

with that weak-a*s backpack on?

Yeah, why's he got a
small girl's backpack?

I don't know.

This is what happens when you
accidentally punch your stuntman

and then you run into him
about three weeks later.

[ Laughter ]

- In Australia.
- In Australia.

Finish is a*s off.

Both of y'all can't fight.

[ Laughter ]

Look at this sh*t.

This sh*t personal.
They must go together.

They seem like they're
boyfriend and boyfriend.

Something ain't right.

I think the guy just
didn't like the sequel.

I will say, you
can't sign post...

Swing that much.

You got to jab, jab, move.

I've never fought. [ Laughter ]

Most of the time people
would always assume

that characters fight
like this in Hollywood,

but apparently,
they are everywhere.

America doesn't hold the
monopoly on dickheads.

This is Australia?

- Yeah, this is Australia.
- Are you serious?

You can tell because
they're fighting

on the wrong side of the road.

[ Laughter ]

Diallo, you... at the bus stop,
you see this, what you doing?

- Man. Um...
- Have to fix your career.

Why are you at the
f*cking bus stop?

Have to question some
life choices, mate.

So, is he sitting
on the bus stop,

or is he driving
by the bus stop?

You're driving by the bus
stop and you see this.

There we go. [ Laughter ]

I might pull over and
try and squash this beef.

- Would you?
- Clearly passions are inflamed.

And, you know, maybe there's
something you can do about it.

I'd help the other bloke
because I assume Dead pool

would be okay, 'cause
he heals very easily.

Oh, my goodness. Moving on.

This next Aussie either
had multiple drinks

or multiple personalities.

Either way, none of them should
have been behind the wheel.

- What happened, man?
- Pardon?

- What's going on?
- I'm just waiting for a mate.

Is that why your
car's all smashed up

and you're up on the grass
at the moment or what?

- Yeah. Just waiting for a mate.
- He's just gone in there.

I'm just wondering,
how'd the collision

with your car happen, man?

What collision?

Well, the one that's
got all your wheels

and stuff twisted up,

and our bumper bar's
hanging off, man.

Oh, I'm just waiting
for a mate, as I said.

- Who's your mate?
- Hey?

- Who's your mate?
- James.

- Been drinking tonight?
- No.

I can smell it on you.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

Well, I'm not driving.

- Right.
- [ Laughter ]

Look, I just wanna
thank everyone.

I have lost a lot of weight.

[ Laughter ]

I'm thinking like, hold up.

All Australians look like that.

We've just got two families
and we intermix a lot.

It's crazy how he's
on the sidewalk,

and he clearly has
been in an accident,

and his response was,
"I'm waiting for James."

I mean, I actually think
it's a brilliant response.

Like, it's like, if I just keep
this talking point going...

He's not breaking
character either.

Also, prove him wrong.

- Yeah.
- Right.

- Sit there.
- Maybe James shows up.

[ Laughter ]

I kind of wanted to see
where he as pointing at,

'cause it looks like
he's on the highway.

No, he the car that
just passed by.

Just on a side note...
Hairiest chest in the world,

am I right?

That's just ducking
out the top there.

Imagine what the
rest of it's like.

This next guy was allegedly
breaking glasses in a pub

and wasn't prepared
for what happened next.

Uh-oh.

Oh, off the bike?

Oh, what a tackle.

Fourth in inches. He will
not get in the end zone.

[ Laughter ]

That was great. Great work.

- He didn't say nothing, just...?
- Wait, wait a minute.

Was it his bike?

Ah, I don't know,

I think he was just
smashing glasses

and a cop came up and said,

"Nah, you're not doing that,
mate," and just tackled him.

So they don't say
nothing in Australia?

They don't say
"Freeze" or "Stop"

or, they just jump
right into...?

- No, we just go for it, mate.
- We just go.

We don't even have...
This is true...

We don't have juries or
courts or anything like that.

This guy sentences him in
that moment like Judge Dredd.

Judge Dredd was my sh*t.

Kangaroo courts, they're called.

- Oh, wow.
- That's not a real thing.

I can't say that on TV.

[ Laughter ]

Thank you.

But drinking is, like, insane
in Australia, isn't it?

Well, no. Well, okay.

Here's the big
difference, all right?

- Oh, the big difference.
- The big difference is,

Americans and drinking... I
don't drink anymore but, like,

whenever you get drunk
in front of an American,

an American will go
like this, will go,

"You were really drunk
last night." Right?

And then when you get drunk
in front of an Australian,

the next day he'll go, "You
got really drunk last night!"

It's like there's
more pride in it.

You guys always condemn
stuff like this.

It's like, I never understand
like, at 3:00 a.m.,

you fell on the
ground like this.

- Yeah, it was f*cking 3:00 a.m.
- Yeah.

What were you doing still
up bothering me, you snitch?

[ Laughter ]

- That's it for the show.
- I'd like to thank my guests,

the one and only Jim
Jeffries for sliding up on us

all the way from
Australia, and to his left,

the one and only Diallo Riddle.

Favorite show I'm watching
right now, you understand me?

Appreciate that, bro.

You already know I
love "South Side," boy.

Keep up the great work.

And to the keeper of the clips,
the one and only Tacarra,

you know I love you so much.

Hug your mama, stay in
school, and keep tuning in.

We up out of here. Peace.

♪♪