01x02 - The Last Blank Space on the Map

[bunniefuu]

[country music playing on radio]

[man] Best I could remember it.

That's not how this works.

How do we know it's real?

Well, that's not really my problem.

If you want the money,
make it your problem.

[sighs]

End of the w*r, our ship got sent out
on a classified mission to this island.

Dozen choppers left. None came back.

I had buddies on those choppers.

Never saw 'em again.

A few days later, we picked up
a few survivors on an old boat.

The stories they told...

Well, word from the top came down,
and all the charts were burned.

I have a great memory though.

Well, had.

That was 20 years ago.

What's on this island?

[man] Unnatural things.

You go to that island,
you ain't coming back.

You know what they call that place?

Skull Island.

[sinister music playing]

[door opens]

[door closes]

- [Mike in Japanese] You think he's lying?
- About the island?

Or the name?

Both? Neither?

Do you think it's what she's looking for?

If it is, you might have just saved us.

[wincing]

[groans]

[in English] Mike?

I'm all right, Charlie.

- Mike...
- I said I'm all right.

No one's all right, man.

Is it just us?

[sighs] I don't know.

We need to head inland,
get some wood and start a fire.

- Hope someone spots...
- [sinister music playing]

[creature hissing]

Look out!

[Charlie yelps]

Ahh! Ahh! What is that?

- [Mike yelps]
- Mike!

[creature hissing]

- Ahh!
- [Mike grunting]

[sinister music continues]

[grunting]

[dramatic music playing]

- [hissing fades]
- [both panting]

Mike...

Where are we?

[mysterious music playing]

[groans]

[sighs]

[yelps]

[exclaims]

Huh.

[yelling] Charlie?

Charlie?

[sighs]

Where are you, kid?

[intriguing music playing]

Oh...

Hmm.

[rock skitters]

Hmm.

[rock rippling]

[creature chittering]

- [exclaims]
- [menacing music playing]

- [b*ll*ts ricocheting]
- [creature shrieks]

[Cap yelps]

- [mercenary] No, no, no! No!
- [loud thud]

[exclaims]

- [exclaims]
- [woman] That...

That rock just ate that man.

Hey, wait!

Aw, jeez.

How's your leg?

[Mike chuckles]

Just assume every answer to every question
right now is gonna be "bad."

Well, you smell good, at least.

- Really? [chuckles]
- No! No, it's bad, really bad.

Ugh.

You were right.
We gotta get a signal going.

- [sighs heavily]
- What?

I just love when you say you were wrong
and that I was right.

Well, I never said I was wrong.

Really? Because you said we
should stay here and be eaten by the crabs

instead of going to the trees,
getting wood, and starting a fire.

- I, uh, don't recall saying that.
- You did. And it was very whiny, too.

I'm surprised you could hear me
in the crab tunnel I saved you from.

I could hear everything.
I have incredible hearing.

[mockingly] Yeah! You have incredible, uh...

Stuff. I dunno, I lost steam.

You're reckless!
We're gonna get eaten, so...

- Ready?
- [sighs]

[dejected] Sure.

To the trees, on three. One...

- [chittering]
- Ahh!

[menacing music playing]

[both exhale heavily]

That rock yelled at you.

Yeah, it did.

This is the worst beach ever.

[intriguing music playing]

[panting]

[panting]

[woman] So, sea monster?

Sea monster.

Was that one of those giant squids?

No, that was... something else.

Oh, that makes me feel worse.

- Why?
- I don't know.

Maybe I just like
my monsters to have names.

[grunts]

See, the naming part
is what gets me excited.

I'm Cap.

Irene. Are you a captain?

I'm shipwrecked.

[both laughing nervously]

- [Cap sighs]
- Aren't we all?

[mysterious music playing]

Did you start that?

No.

[sighs] But at least
it means we're not alone.

Who was with you?

I'm looking for my son and his friend.

I, uh...

I don't think anyone else
made it off my ship.

What about you?

We were on a cruise to Singapore.

With soldiers?

[nervously] Excuse me?

The guy with the g*n?

I don't know.

Maybe they had g*ns because of, um...
pirates?

[chuckling]

Bet you wish you flew.

Well, Cap, I am afraid of planes.

Well, I hear boats are a lot safer.

[laughs] I have heard that too.

[gasps]

- [Irene] Do you know what that is?
- [sputters] Uh...

It almost looks like... aloe?

[Irene] But you get
what's wrong with it, don't you?

- It's a lot bigger than aloe.
- [rustling]

[creature grunts]

[sputtering] What is that?

It's... beautiful.

I really thought it was aloe.

It is.

It's both.

Something else
is happening on this island.

So, what you're saying is...

[Charlie] This island is terrible.

I mean, have you ever even
heard of giant crabs with trap doors?

[Mike] Crabs? No.

Spiders? Yeah.

Ugh. Spiders would actually be way worse.

That's so true.

[exhales] And I'm so tired.

[Charlie grunts] I know.

My dad would know what to do.

He'd probably just want to pet them.

[chuckling]

Our weird dads.

[wistful music playing]

- [clears throat]
- [grunts]

Let's find yours.

[chuckles]

- [rumbling]
- [yelps]

[both yelp]

- [tense music playing]
- Charlie!

[grunts]

- [spear thuds]
- [crab hissing]

- [Charlie] Annie!
- [laughing]

[crab hissing]

[Charlie] Phew!

Grab it! We can eat it!

[hissing]

I'm not touching that.

- [Annie] Why not?
- It's a giant crab that wants to eat me!

- There's tons of 'em! We're stuck here.
- [Charlie] Where...

- Where'd you get a spear?
- I found it! It's nice.

- [Charlie] You just found it?
- I'll look for more!

[sputters] Hey, Annie! Annie!

Man, I don't know about that girl.

- You don't like any girls.
- Man, you like every girl.

[sighs] That's true.

Wait.

There are other people here.

Like people that make spears
and conveniently leave them in the jungle.

[Mike] They probably got eaten too.

I don't want to get eaten by crabs,
I want to eat crabs!

[Annie] Hey!

I didn't find more, but I still have this,
so I'm gonna fight 'em now.

What? Wait, wait, wait! You're gonna what?

[dramatic music playing]

- [dramatic music continues]
- [crabs hissing loudly]

[both yelping]

[grunts and laughs]

[Charlie shrieking]

[straining]

- [dramatic music continues]
- Mike!

- Catch!
- [Annie] Hey!

- [yelling]
- [crab chitters]

Mike! Come on, Mike!

[beast roaring loudly]

What...

What could possibly
be so big to be that loud?

Something...

new.

[laughs softly]

[Annie] That's mine.

It's not nice to steal.

All right, that's from our ship,
but, wait, hold on.

What? What was that noise?

I don't know.
Must have been a really big dog.

Wait, how... how do you not know?

Why would I know?

- [Charlie] Uh, this is your home, right?
- This isn't my home.

What? What are you talking about?
You said you lived on an island.

I do.

But we're on an island.

- There's more than one island, Charles.
- Uh, Charlie.

- [Annie] Isn't that the same thing?
- What?

Uh, no. Yeah, it's a nickname,
but I prefer Charlie.

Oh.

I prefer not being stolen from.

Wait! Wait! If you don't live here,
then who made that spear that you threw?

[grunts] Someone else?

Ugh! Where are we?

[Mike] Skull Island.

We're on Skull Island.

We're on...

Uh, what?

It's all my fault.

We were trying to get the money,
I heard people talk about this guy.

Whoa, hey, it's okay. Slow down.

[angrily] This old GI
who had a stupid map.

And maybe it was
what she was looking for and...

God! So stupid! He even told us we'd die!

- What's he doing to his hair?
- Not now, Annie.

Mike? Hey, Mike, breathe.

And now look at us!
He was right! We're gonna die!

And it's my fault. I got my dad k*lled,
and now I'm gonna get us k*lled.

- I'm so sorry.
- [leaves rustling]

Uh, Annie?

- [rustling continues]
- [exclaims]

- [r*fles c*ck]
- [dramatic note plays]

And now there's g*ns!

I don't think that was the rocks.

[Cap] No, it definitely wasn't the rocks.

- Do you think it was the sea creature?
- No, that came from inland.

Oh, great, more monsters.
So, um, so what do we do now?

Well, I guess we hope
they're better shots than the last guy.

Just help me find my boy.

- [mutters] Excuse me?
- You're looking for the girl.

- Right?
- [mercenary] Hey!

You all right, boss?

Yeah.

I am looking for the girl.

We're looking for the girl.

Okay, just so we're all clear,

on the monster island,
you're looking for a girl?

So you've seen her monster?

We've seen dozens of monsters!
This place is terrible!

Have you seen her or not?

[mocking] Oh, yeah!
Yeah, there's a whole sorority of girls

back at the beach
playing volleyball and mud wrestling.

It's very engaging!

[sighs] Look, kid.

As soon as we find this girl,
we can get off this godforsaken...

- Wait!
- Ugh, what?

- Have you seen my dad?
- [loudly] Who's your dad?

That's not how this works.
We ask you questions, you answer them.

- How is it...
- [blade slicing]

Ahh!

[thrilling music playing]

- [choking]
- [Annie grunting]

[suspenseful music playing]

Are all boys as useless as you?

- Yeah.
- Pretty much.

- [beast growling]
- [Annie gasps]

[mercenaries exclaim]

[growling continues]

[nervously] Did that thing follow us?

[laughing and howling]

- Shut up!
- [howling continues]

What is she doing?

[paws thundering]

[mercenaries groan]

Ha!

[laughing]

- [growling]
- [Annie screams]

Annie!

[dramatic music playing]