01x03 - Little Adventures

[bunniefuu]

You're back.

You're back.

Was he funny?

No, he was not funny at all.

He was quite nervous.

He asked so many questions about you.

What did you tell him?

How was Sarah?

I mean, she's

Young, excitable.

I don't know.

But she's gorgeous, right?

Eh

She is! I saw her.

I mean, like

Sure, but

The whole small talk thing

she was trying to do

was kind of awful, you know?

Hm.

We did some things

Oh yeah?

Yeah, it was weird,

he had different moves.

Like what?

Like I don't know,

he was trying to spell my name.

Elizabeth is a nine-letter word,

it's pretty huge in Scrabble.

-Hm.

-Good for him.

Then he put his hands--

You know, that's my capacity

for details, thanks.

Good night.

Did you wear a condom?

Come on, really?

I have to ask.

Oh.

Yes, but I didn't put it in.

Did she not let you after

you used the phrase "put it in"?

Huh?

Are you okay?

Are you okay? Are you okay?

Yes, I am.

I love you.

I love you too.

Was it weird?

Yeah, a little bit, but it was fun.

But I'm happy to be

back here with you.

Me too.

Good morning Los Angelinos.

It's 08.07 am and a balmy 77 degrees.

The freeways are looking good,

and to be perfectly honest

with you, LA

Oh God, I'm just going to say it,

I'm feeling optimistic!

You know those days when you

just feel like "Yeah, I've got this.

I'm living a great life.

I'm happy, healthy, successful,

and most importantly,

I'm in control."

Today, Los Angeles, that is I.

Holler at me if you're having

a great morning on 818 833 6000.

Hey Ralph. What's up, buddy?

-Hey.

-Hey there little man.

-Hey, sir!

-Mikey!

Hey, did you just call me sir?

Yep.

Do I look like a knight to you?

-Yeah.

-Yeah?

Yeah.

Do you want to, um

play with Lady Libby and I for a bit,

since you're here so early?

-Morning!

-Yeah?

-Would you play with me?

-Um

Yeah, I could,

I just have to go to work,

so I wouldn't,

I wouldn't want to get, like,

like, you invested in the game,

and then I have to leave

before we're finished,

and you feel abandoned.

Hey. Lady Libby doesn't know

how to talk to knights your age.

But, you know, I'll play with you.

High five. Boom! Get out of here.

Never fails to amaze me

how bad you are with kids, huh.

Come on.

We're going to be late.

Go with your work wife.

Take care of her for me, okay?

I always do!

-Hey.

-Hey.

How are you?

-Good.

-Okay.

You know,

I suggested it to my husband.

We discussed it, and he said

if I hooked up with anyone else,

he'd k*ll me.

His exact words were, "I would

stab you with your favorite knife."

Adam must be like a pig in sh*t.

Hm. It was my idea.

-You make me sick.

-No!

We're going to be together for ever

and ever, and I just don't want

to grow up

and resent him.

What if you

fall in love with someone?

No, I won't.

And he won't.

We have rules.

One: only from the app.

Two: only one night.

It's just a little adventure,

and it keeps us

exciting to each other.

Honestly,

I think we have cracked monogamy.

Absolutely.

Keep going

Mm-hm. Still love you.

Kiss me.

Kiss you?

-Oh sh*t!

-What?

Somebody wanting to hook up?

No, it's not from the app.

Not that app, anyway

You're angry?

What makes you say that?

We don't have secrets.

It was an accident.

Oh what,

you just slipped and fell and

found your soulmate?

I took it years ago, Adam.

Years ago, when you were twelve?

When we were on a break, remember?

What break? When? Hm?

When I said I might not want kids.

Listen.

You're scared of kids,

that's all, okay?

We've worked on it,

and whatever you decide, I'm fine.

I'm over it.

I know, but I thought it was

the only time that we might be done,

so I took the test.

And nothing came up,

which I took as a sign

that you were my soulmate,

and I should forget about it.

Who is he?

Who is he?

Stop it!

This is so weird!

-It's so weird.

-It's insane.

You're honestly not bi or g*y?

Yeah, I kissed a few girls

in college.

More to impress frat guys,

but I, uh

I was a really bad feminist

back then.

I'm much better now.

It's cool you came here.

On vacation.

I'm a substitute teacher,

so, you know, a lot of free time.

Oh, you're kidding.

Adam is a teacher too.

-Really?

-Yeah.

-Oh, what do you teach?

-Montessori elementary, 1 to 2.

Ah Is that the

"follow your bliss" one?

What do you teach?

Everything, at a very low level.

I am efficient

in first grade of everything.

I think we should go and get a drink.

-Yeah!

-That's a great idea.

No, I mean the two of us.

If that's okay?

No, absolutely.

Yeah, you two

should get to know each other.

I'll make us some dinner.

Oh no, no, I'm fine, I've eaten.

Don't worry about me.

Then I'll grab something somewhere.

Okay, cool.

I, I, uh

I looked up some of your art.

-You what?

-Mm-hm.

No way!

Well it's definitely not, not ar

You're back.

No way!

Well it's definitely not, not art.

-Shut up!

-It's corporate.

It's just whatever

the client wants it to be, so

I It was great. I

-No, shut up.

-Yeah!

I think it must be

so frustrating though,

you know,

having to fight them all the time.

No, no,

I gave that up a long time ago.

You know, I just do what they want

me to do and then I go home. It's

I'm much happier this way.

I was with this guy for like,

nearly a year,

it's the longest relationship

I've ever had,

and I walk in on him,

and he's shopping for a ring.

-No way! sh*t.

-Yeah. So I panic, and I shout,

"I think we're soulmates, and

we should take the test to prove it."

So basically, you took the test

because you didn't know

how to break up with someone?

-Yeah! Yeah!

-Very nice!

I can't argue with that!

Were you, were you annoyed

when you saw it was me?

I don't know, I, uh

I guess the whole

"having one person for everything",

uh, um, it sort of

gives me the chills, so,

when I saw it was you,

and that you're married,

I thought "Yeah, that makes sense",

because my soulmate would be like

my best friend, not a partner.

Adam was so relieved.

I bet he was.

-Yeah, he was.

-I

I think he's really great.

Wow, he was so handsome.

Oh, Matt wanted to move in after,

like, a month.

He didn't know the difference

between love and co-dependence.

It was really sad.

I moved in to Adam's apartment

after two weeks.

Oh

I called it love.

Yeah, yeah. I'm sure it was.

I'm sorry.

No

He was so handsome, you're crazy.

Stop, you'll make me regret it.

-What's this?

-Wait, no, please--

Wait, wait, wait

-Did you do these?

-No, it's

-I'm a teacher.

-You're an artist?

No, it's nothing, it's

You're an artist.

Why didn't you tell me?

I feel so stupid now.

Why aren't you doing this

for a living?

They're magic.

Hey!

Adam, she's She's great.

She's, like, a real artist!

I feel we have known each other

for years.

Like, it was so easy to talk to her--

Libby, should I be worried?

-What?

-Should I be worried, seriously?

No, no.

We'll be, like, best friends.

You two should hang out.

You'll really, really like her.

You're not allowed to sleep with her.

What?

Seriously.

I'm not saying I would,

but we've done that lots of times.

Yeah, but this is different.

And if you sleep with her,

-I mean, it'll mean something.

-No, you're worrying for nothing.

Promise me.

It would destroy us.

-You're being dramatic.

-It would, do you not see that?

You're being paranoid.

Listen.

Listen, it's really good

that she's here.

You should get to know her,

because there's nothing

to worry about.

Okay?

Okay.

Oh my God.

-17, 18

-I can definitely do more than you.

Okay, keep going. 19, 20.

21, oh my goodness, 22.

-Not bad.

-Wait, I'm not done.

23, 24, 25!

Okay, now you're making me look bad.

Why did you make me show off?

I didn't. You're the one

acting like you're in a prison movie.

That's insane.

Jesus.

Hey.

-You sleep okay?

-Yeah.

I made you breakfast,

it's in the fridge.

Okay.

-Let's go!

-Okay!

So as you can see, that's New Year's,

so she was really really drunk, um

Oh

Very nice.

Oh wait, that's actually, uh

-Santa Barbara, back in 2026.

-Aw.

When we got married.

-Oh, look at you.

-Mm-hm.

-So cute.

-Thanks.

You look so in love.

Were you, uh, were you always sure,

you know, from when you first met?

Yeah. I mean,

when you know, you know, right?

-Oh! Hi.

-Hey.

Hey.

-How are you feeling?

-Good.

Good.

We should get going.

We're going to be late.

Okay.

You know, you're right.

It was good to

spend some time with her.

I really like her, she's cool.

I didn't like you

showing her our wedding photos.

Are you being serious, babe? Come on.

It felt disrespectful,

to her and to me.

Oh.

You are serious.

You might as well have

peed in a circle around her.

It was embarrassing.

I was making friends, like you asked.

Well, be respectful of me--

Excuse me, I think I'm being

incredibly respectful

of all of this.

Whatever you asked for, I've done it.

You wanted to do the app, we did it.

You wanted me to meet

your soulmate, we did it.

I've done everything.

So please don't sit here and tell me

that I'm not being respectful, babe.

Oh, we're still

meeting Miranda later, right?

This one is fascinating.

I mean, they're all great, but

I like this one.

That's not the one they want.

They say it's too quiet.

Yeah, but

I mean, that's why it stands out.

Like when somebody whispers

and you have to lean in, it's cool.

Yeah, it's cool.

Aw, she's so adorable!

Do you want to hold her?

Oh!

Hi!

I read a book that said

the more people that hold your baby

in the first six months,

the more well-rounded they'll be.

Well then this is so important!

Look at you, you are so cute!

Aren't you?

You're the cutest.

Oh hey

-You want a hold?

-No, no. No thanks.

I think she wants you to. Look.

No, no, no, I'm allergic to babies.

She'll cry.

I think the baby's chosen you.

-No, no. No thanks.

-Come on.

-Are you sure?

-It's fine.

Okay, so

You just have to hold her, like that.

And all she needs to know is

that she's safe.

Hey?

Ah, there we go

Hi.

See?

You're a natural.

Right. She's not crying.

Hi.

How come your longest relationship

was only one year?

Because I'm a monster.

Because I've never had one

I wanted to last longer.

Why not?

I don't know.

Okay, yeah, I do know.

Sad story?

Yeah, but you'll get over it.

Uh, so

My dad died when I was little,

and my mom was sick for all my life,

so between the age of 8 to 17,

I was her caretaker.

That's sad, I'm sorry.

Yeah, and no. I mean, I, uh

I sort of resented her.

She didn't need as much help

as she thought she did,

not for the first few years anyway.

So when she was gone,

I vowed never to do that again.

You know,

people can cope on their own.

We're all stronger than that,

we're all fine.

You can even hold a baby

if you have to.

It was really nice meeting you.

-You're excellent.

-Aw.

-Thank you, Adam.

-Yeah, of course.

Hey, I'm a hugger, come on.

You charmer!

I'll see you again.

You better.

I'm going to miss you.

Take care.

Why am I feeling this way?

Come on.

You go. Ready?

Sorry, babe.

Hey!

Oh! What is happening?

Nothing, we're just being silly

and picking tomatoes.

Hm. You want one?

Hey, how are you?

Yeah, I'm

I'm really good, thank you.

Hey, we miss you.

You should come back to stay with us.

I am just trying to find a free week.

-Guess what?

-What?

I have a new boyfriend!

Really?!

What? What?

Yeah, he's a dad

of one of the kids I teach.

He asked me out

at a parent-teacher thing.

Is it allowed?

I don't know, but he's very sexy.

You should bring him with you

next time you come over.

No! No.

It's way too soon

for him to meet the fam.

Hey, I wanted to ask how it's been?

Do you mind if we don't talk today?

I mean, yes I do, but okay.

We should have an adventure.

We haven't done it in ages.

I thought you were done with that?

No

Okay.

Sounds good.

You know what we haven't done yet?

What?

Daniel and Zora.

A couple?

That's some next-level sh*t.

-She's your type.

-What?

-Married?

-Surfer hair, big mouth

Surfer hair, big mouth?

All the things!

Hm?

I'm so lucky to have you.

What are you talking about?

Me too.

It tells you everything you need.

Energy. Ambition. Results.

Libby?

Hm.

I don't like it.

Excuse me?

It's generic.

Everyone's fighting for

the biggest and the loudest,

so we should make it quieter.

To get people to notice you

through all that noise,

you have to whisper.

It was amazing.

They went for it.

I was like, "Let's do something

that actually looks good",

and they went "Yeah".

Cool, babe, I'm telling you,

get your greatness, girl!

Miranda! Hey, guess what?

I just I just want to see you.

That guy was awful. I

I didn't even like him, I

I was just trying to distract myself.

I want to see you all the time.

Hey.

Adam's working still,

so I don't know--

What will Adam say?

I don't know.

I love you.

I love you too.

-It's out here.

-Oh, this is so nice.

Wow!

This is Daniel and Zora.

You know, I told you, I just

It's not the same, you know?

They were from an app.

An app.

And you promised me.

I didn't promise you,

you made an ultimatum.

That's different, Adam.

No! Look,

she's your g*dd*mn soulmate.

Something was bound to happen.

Do you love her?

But I love you too. So much.

But you can't have us both.

-Why not?

-Because it doesn't work that way.