02x18 - A New Scoreboard and a Horse's You Know What

[bunniefuu]

Since when do you read the paper?

I'm doing the Jumble.

I always do the Jumble.

Not today, big man.

Well, maybe you boys could do it together,

like a father-son thing.

No can do. I Jumble alone.

Hey, uh, can I talk to y'all before Georgie comes out?

-Is everything okay? -Yeah, it's just that...

today's the anniversary of his dad's passing.

So maybe don't bring it up.

Ah. Can't believe it's been two years already.

What do you want us to do?

Oh, just be normal.

What's he supposed to do?

This is serious, okay? No jokes.

Wasn't joking, but okay.

-Morning. -Good morning.

Or just... morning.

Uh, do you want some breakfast?

No, I got to get to the store. There's this client

of Fagenbacher's I've been courting.

Today's the day I'm gonna steal him away.

Hey, knock 'em dead.

(mouthing)

If I land this account, we should go celebrate tonight.

Oh, yeah, sure, or you...

you know, whenever you feel like it.

-Yeah. See you later. -Okay, bye.

Let the record show I was the only normal one.

(phone ringing)

McAllister Auto.

Hey, Mrs. Cooper.

No, he's having lunch with a client.

He seemed fine. Why?

Oh, I'm-I'm sorry. I didn't realize that was today.

Good news. I stuck it

to Fagenbacher. We got the U-Haul account.

Terrific.

Who you talking to?

Oh, uh, your mom.

Well, give me. I want to tell her the good news.

No.

I cannot believe I forgot what today is.

Well, you were in such a good mood this morning,

I didn't want to upset you.

You remembered and didn't tell me?!

See? Now you're upset.

* *

(coos)

Thanks for having us over, Mom.

Well, I figured we're all having a rough day,

might as well have it together.

Although I'm sure George wouldn't want you to be sad.

You know? He'd want you to get on with your lives.

I don't think Dad would want us to forget him just yet.

She's not saying forget him.

We all know that's not possible.

Coach Wilkins was crying during P.E.

He said it was hay fever, but everyone knew.

Well, people grieve differently.

I mean, did you even hear from Sheldon?

First thing this morning.

Told me he was proudly flying his flags at half-mast.

Great. Even Sheldon remembered.

What's going on with you?

I forgot. I had a big work thing, and it just

slipped my mind.

(sighs) I'm a terrible son.

Oh, honey, you're not.

Or maybe you are.

She remembered and didn't tell me.

-Hey, you were happy. -You were happy?

I was. I'm not now.

Knock it off! Today is

hard enough without you two bickering.

-Sorry. -Yeah, sorry.

Well, hey, maybe we could have a little memorial.

Go to the cemetery and tell some George stories?

Well, let's do something bigger,

something everyone will remember.

Like when he got his photo on the wall at Sizzler

for eating that -ounce steak?

Let's please not remember that.

We can get something named after him, like a bench, or... Ooh.

Ooh, a new scoreboard at the high school with his name on it.

Oh, that's a great idea.

He would love that.

Wait. So every time I'm hanging out with my friends

under the bleachers, I'll look up and see Dad's name?

Why are you hanging out under the bleachers?

Uh, it's where we pray to Jesus.

* *

Here ya go.

Ah. I can't believe

you're old enough to buy us beers.

(voice breaking): They grow up so fast.

Really, Wayne?

It's an emotional time.

-To George Cooper. -To Dad.

-To George. -He was a good man.

Thanks, Principal Peterson.

You're not in high school anymore. Call me Tom.

That's okay. I feel weird

calling old people by their first name.

Old people?

So, what's on your mind?

I want to do something to honor my dad,

and I was thinking,

your scoreboard is pretty beat up.

What if we got a new one and call it

the "George Cooper Memorial Scoreboard"?

Damn it.

That's a nice thought, but, uh, we can't afford it.

What if I raise the money?

Oh, well, they're pretty pricey.

You're talking to the best tire salesman in Texas. I got this.

Well, let me be the first one to contribute.

I'm in for fifty.

Fifty?

That man was your best friend.

You're right.

(voice breaking): A hundred.

Damn, you are good.

So every Friday night,

people will look up at the score and see my dad's name.

Oh, that's real nice.

It is a high school, though. You better put the sign up high

so no one can change "Cooper" to "Pooper."

Good thinking. I totally would have done that.

How are you gonna pay for it?

Donations. People loved my dad.

They'll be happy to contribute.

Put me down for a hundred.

How? That just means I'm paying for it.

No. Mom, can I have $?

Of course. It's going to a good cause.

How much can we put you down for?

I guess a hundred, too.

Really? That's what I put in, and I'm broke.

Put us down for $.

Thanks, Mrs. McAllister. That's real generous.

-You're welcome. -From both of us.

That's a pretty good start, right?

Still got a long way to go.

Scoreboards are more expensive than you think.

Then put me down for another hundred.

Would you cut that out!

Hmm. Nice picture.

That was the day he finally shot the gopher

digging up the backyard.

That is a very Texas story.

Let me get things started.

Hmm? (chuckles)

Five dollars?

My dead father's only worth five dollars?

It was either that or a twenty.

Okay, but I'm taking my five back.

-Hello, boys. -What do you want?

I just came by to congratulate you.

Poaching my U-Haul account--

that's... that's got to feel pretty good.

It does, and I'm gonna do it again.

Ooh, little doggie's got a big bark.

And a big bite.

He may have rabies.

I didn't come here to fight, okay?

I-I like having some competition.

It keeps things spicy.

Well, thanks for stopping by, but we got work to do.

I'm going.

What's that?

-Something for your dad? -Watch it.

No, no. Hey, I-I respect that.

In fact, let me chip in.

Ooh. (laughs)

I only got hundreds.

(laughs)

That's a Benjamin Franklin, in case you've never seen one.

(door closes)

Can I take back my twenty?

Wow.

-You raised all this at school? -Yeah.

-How? -Stole Meemaw's cigarettes

and sold 'em for a dollar apiece.

Well, at least you ain't smoking 'em.

Sure.

So, how'd you do?

People are giving, but not nearly enough.

-Have you tried crying? -What?

Whenever I want something,

I just whip up some tears about Dad.

-I ain't gonna cry. -It's easy.

(crying): 'Cause ever since Dad died,

people feel bad for me

and they just want to make it better.

(crying)

Is everything okay?

I'm fine, this is just a hard time.

What can I do? Can I get you something?

What do you need?

All right, I'm gonna go hop in the shower.

Maybe I'll join you.

Didn't you just take one?

Yeah, but you weren't all soapy in mine.

(phone ringing)

-Hello? -Georgie. I got

some good news for you.

Scoreboard's paid for.

What? That's amazing.

Yeah, Fagenbacher Auto offered to cover the whole thing.

You're kidding.

Nope, just want their logo on it.

-What's going on? -So, it'd be the "George Cooper

Memorial Scoreboard sponsored by Fagenbacher Auto"?

Pretty good, huh?

No, it's not good.

(stammers)

(crying): It's just, e-ever since my dad died,

Fagenbacher's just been trying to run me out of business.

(tongue clicks) What are you doing?

Crying.

(chuckles) No, I don't think so.

(crying): I-I have to call you back.

I-I'm just too emotional right now.

You can't take his money.

This is a public school.

I will literally take anybody's money.

Fine, then you can't put his name on it.

Georgie, I get where you're coming from,

but your dad's name is still gonna be on the scoreboard.

Yeah, with "Fagenbacher Auto" right below it.

Or above. We're still negotiating placement.

He's just doing this to spite me.

Look, we get to honor your dad,

and I get a free scoreboard.

Everybody wins.

Except the football team, who as you well know, truly suck.

What if I can buy you an even nicer scoreboard?

If you really want to raise more money,

we can upgrade the library.

My dad was a football coach, not a library coach.

Just give me a chance. I'll raise more money than Fred,

and we can buy that scoreboard without him.

Hey.

How'd you know I was here?

I didn't. I got caught selling cigarettes.

Well, what do you have to say for yourself?

I'm sorry.

It's just...

(crying): Ever since my dad died,

I have been so lost.

And there's just no one to tell me right from wrong.

Oh, honey, don't cry. It's okay.

Yeah. So, picture this:

the "George Cooper Memorial Scoreboard"

sponsored by y'all, Lone Star Beer.

Oh, he was a local football coach.

A beloved hero, really.

We just need about $,,

and we can make this happen.

I mean, he definitely spent that much on your beer.

Probably more, so in a way, he's already paid for it.

Well, just so you know, I recently turned ,

and if that's your attitude, I'm gonna become a Miller man.

Ruben, I just had a brainstorm.

We're not paying for the scoreboard.

You don't know that's what I was gonna say.

What were you gonna say?

The point is, you don't know.

Mr. McAllister, I just had a brainstorm.

Run for your life.

You hate Fagenbacher, right?

Y'all were competitors for a lot of years?

Uh, that was a long time ago. I don't really think about it.

Mm. Not just rivals in business but also in love.

What are you doing, Georgie?

I'm just saying, if it was me, it'd be hard

looking up at that scoreboard every Friday night

and seeing the guy's name who had intimate relations

with my wife before I did.

I'm going home.

Take him with you.

GEORGE SR.: You did that for me?

FRED: Eh, it's not a big deal. You deserve it.

GEORGE SR.: It is a big deal.

Let me take a look at that.

It's gonna be twice as big as the old one

and state of the art.

-Ooh, that's a beaut. -(chuckles)

What's going on?

I'm just showing your dad plans for the new scoreboard.

Have you seen this, Georgie?

Look what Fred put together for me.

It was my idea.

Well, then, why didn't you do it?

Now, hold on, George.

He tried, he just failed.

Wouldn't be the first time.

You should have seen his report cards.

I just happen to have a couple of my old ones right here.

Straight A's.

Proud of you, son.

No, no, no, no, he ain't your son, I'm your son.

-You want to toss the ball around? -You bet.

I was talking to Freddy.

I'd love to.

Come on, kiddo.

No, no, wait. I-I'm the good son.

Missy's selling cigarettes.

Narc.

(gasps)

Hey. You okay?

Yeah. Just a bad dream.

Again?

Oh, Georgie, you know whatever happens with this scoreboard,

your dad loves you.

Right, George?

Yeah, sure, whatever.

And then the rabbit goes through the hole and...

voilà.

Thanks, Pop.

(stammers)

(exhales)

You look tired.

CeeCee keep you up all night?

No, Georgie tossed and turned.

Yeah, wish there was some way

I could help him raise the money.

Well, when you were in high school,

you did all those fundraisers for the cheerleading squad.

Yeah, I don't think I'm comfortable

washing cars in a bikini anymore.

Some of us weren't comfortable with it then.

-Morning. -Good morning. -Hey.

I have an idea about how to raise the money.

You do a news story about my dad on TV,

and donations will pour in.

Oh, Georgie, I-I just started there.

I can't pitch a story about my father-in-law.

I mean, there's got to be something else.

Time to bust out that bikini.

Forget it. Sorry I asked.

Whoa, son, I know you're stressed, but...

I ain't your son.

I'm George Cooper's son.

His only son.

-Except for Sheldon. -Except for Sheldon.

Poor Georgie. I hate to see him drive himself crazy.

I know. His dad wouldn't care about

having something named after him.

Wouldn't care?

Whose idea do you think it was to call Georgie "Georgie"?

-I didn't know that. -I was all set to call him Phillip.

"Phil Cooper." That's pretty good.

I know.

I don't like to speak ill of people,

but this Fagenbacher,

he sounds like a real horse's you-know-what.

(tongue clicks)

I know what. Do you know what?

Patootie.

Nailed it.

I think I might go down there and give him a piece of my mind.

Well, if that piece is "patootie," I wouldn't.

I don't need vulgar language to make a point.

Yeah, you don't need it, but it really adds some oomph.

I'd like to remind you, I have the biggest "oomph" of all.

(chuckles)

(sighs): Oh, brother.

Mr. Fagenbacher?

I am Mary Cooper, Georgie's mom.

No.

You're not old enough to be his mom. (chuckles)

Maybe his big sister.

That ain't gonna work on me.

The devil speaks with a forked tongue.

You calling me a devil?

A handsome one, I hope.

(laughs)

Do you really think you can use my late husband

to upset my son and then charm your way out of it?

Mrs. Cooper...

-Can I call you Mary? -No, you may not.

Mrs. Cooper...

...you got me all wrong.

All right? Yeah, Georgie and I, sure, we have our issues,

but when he told me what he wanted to do for his dad,

I was touched, and I wanted to help out.

I have a teenage daughter.

I know what malarkey smells like.

You got me.

I'm a bad boy. (laughs)

You want to give me a spanking?

Don't you disrespect me.

-Yes, ma'am. I-I... -And do not disrespect

the memory of my husband.

-Well, I didn't... -I am not done.

My family has been through too much these past few years

to put up with you rubbing salt in the wound.

-Now, I never intended... -And God is watching you.

He may be forgiving, but when it comes to my family,

I sure as heck am not.

I'm sorry, I-I crossed the line.

-And? -And I will back off the scoreboard.

You will also apologize to Georgie.

Yes, ma'am.

(exhales)

All right, then.

There may be a decent man underneath all that scruff.

I can shave!

(marching band playing)

It is beautiful,

your dad's name up there for everyone to see.

Ain't as fancy as a scoreboard.

No, a snack bar's better.

Our team's so bad, who wants to look at the score?

Be cool if they served beer.

It's a high school.

Excuse me for trying to honor my father.

This is the best hot dog.

(crying): It's like George cooked it himself.

Pull it together, Wayne.

You got a game to lose.