01x05 - Such Friendly Girls

[bunniefuu]

Oh, hi, guys! We help women in need.

Would you be interested?

What do you mean, "in need"?

We help raise money for women

who've experienced debt,

financial coercion,

mental health problems,

a*usive relationships,

that sort of thing.

Well, that sounds great.

Do I just fill in my details now?

Yes! Absolutely.

And when do we get the money?

Oh Er

What about what's in there?

BUCKET RATTLES

Er, can you let go, please?

THEY STRAIN

Give it back!

f*cking hell.

It stinks of death in here.

Like the Grim Reaper's

right behind us.

Here I am, sorry.

Promise you're not going to

leave me with her?

She always says really traumatic

stuff to me whenever we're alone.

Yes, yes, promise.

We're going to go in there

and tell that dying old lady

how great her b*stard son is

because if she dies soon,

which I suspect she will,

we might be able to get

the car back.

Josie! Billie!

'Ello, my darlings.

Deb.

Oh, I'm sorry. I have to take this.

Hello? This is she Mm-hm.

Is this real gold?

Yeah. Can I try it?

You went to Costa?

Your daddy was just here.

What?

It's still warm.

WHISPERED: Don't Don't you dare.

Just going topee.

Billie, the ring?

Excuse me, have you seen my Daddy?

Have you seen mine?!

So, have you made any friends?

They're beating me in here.

They take me out at night

and beat me.

There's no way out.

I've got terminal cancer.

I tell you, Josie,

I am so afraid to die.

I've done everything right!

I did everything everyone wanted me

to and I'm still going to die.

Everything in my life's

been a waste.

Do you have any idea

what that feels like?

Now thisis living.

Co-Op two-for-one pizza,

mini bag of Twirls.

Nice.

HE LAUGHS AWKWARDLY

I hope we do this

for the rest of our lives.

Everything in my life

has been a waste.

Are you upset about your nan?

You can talk to me, you know.

I am your boyfriend.

OK.

Well, she's going to die.

She seemed so scared.

She's worried her life's been

insignificant.

I don't think I was very helpful.

Well, I'm sure whatever you wanted

to say to her, she already knows.

Thanks.

That's quite comforting, actually.

You're welcome.

Oh, how was your nan?

She'll be fine. Fuss over nothing.

Er, she's got terminal cancer.

It's fine. But we might have

to see him. Who?

Dad! We can't keep burying our

problems.

Darling? Dad's dead, remember?

Oh, God!

She's not very good

at processing death.

I do think it's worth

sending her to therapy.

Otherwise, these things have

a habit of getting to you.

She doesn't need therapy.

She just needs a stable

male figure in her life.

Oh.

But without professional help,

grief can eat you up inside.

It can do strange things

even to the best of us.

There's plenty of alternatives

to therapy.

Oh, yes? What did you have in mind?

BILLIE: Right

We're going f*cking clubbing.

Why do you reckon we get

dressed up in times of crisis?

Why did the string quartet keep

playing when the Titanic went down?

Because Nicky might be there.

What time's the bus?

You're not coming, Seb. Go home.

I AM home.

Why won't you take Seb? We're going

out to get away from him.

I don't know why he's still here.

Well, he's got just as much of

a right to be here as you do.

In fact, a lot of this could be

fixed by him being here more.

Which is why he's moved in.

Has he? I thought you'd noticed.

It's for your own good.

Why didn't you tell me?

I've been easing you in.

It's boiling frog theory.

You don't just chuck it into

boiling water -

it'll jump straight out again.

You have to heat it up slowly

so it doesn't know it's dying.

He is the solution to

your mental health problems.

He's also paying our water bill.

Well, he's not coming clubbing.

All right, all right,

then hurry the f*ck up and get out.

I need you out of the house so I can

try and convince Dev

that you're fine. Is he worried?

He thinks you should both be going

to therapy. Really?!

Yeah. Waste of time.

Therapy is for celebrities.

Get your f*cking acts together or

don't bother coming back at all.

I mean it.

Have a lovely evening, girls!

Ooh!

HE COOS

And if you need anything at all,

you just let me know.

He hugged us.

Is he trying to be our dad?

I think he's trying to f*ck us.

It's REALLY hard to tell the

difference. It's not, Josie.

Of course he wants to f*ck us.

The problem is, is I can't

work out whether I'm into it. Mm.

Your n*pples have gone hard.

Case closed. You'd better not

go home at 8pm like last time.

Oh, I can't go home.

My boyfriend's moved in. Good.

Tonight, we're going f*cking feral.

DANCE HOUSE MUSIC PLAYS

Still blocked?

It might be an issue

with his contract.

I've called EE just to check.

Do you want a drink?

Yeah, can I get a Roman coke?

What? A Roman coke.

Do you mean "rum and coke"?

Don't think so.

sh*t, that's Bianca!

Who? Bianca! The home wrecker

with the horrible eyebrows.

Oh, Nicky's Bianca! The one you

bleached your hair to look like?

Erm, she copied me, actually.

sh*t, let's go.

OK, what's the plan?

Right, I'm thinking, I'm thinking

Where did you get that baggie from?

Nicky. It's all I have left of him.

I know, but, like, where just now?

Oh! My bum.

Have you got anything

we can roll up? Erm

OK

SHE SNIFFS

SHE EXHALES

BILLIE SNIFFS

SHE EXHALES

How do you feel?

Yeah, I feel OK actually!

Wow.

You must be really sad.

Maybe hold on to that.

OK.

I really think

we should get therapy.

Nah, therapy's a scam.

You don't need to pay someone

70 quid to tell you

your childhood was sh*t.

I can do that for you.

I could go back on the NHS

waiting list, but the wait time's,

like, two years. Wow,

with a wait time like that,

the service must be really good.

Hold on, I'm coming up.

I'm coming up!

I'm going to sh*t myself!

Look at me, Josie, look at me.

Not here.

Hold it in.

BILLIE INHALES DEEPLY

Brace yourself.

We're going over to her.

So, what are we actually

going to do? Oh, it's simple.

I'm going to k*ll her.

There can only be one.

Come on, I've got that rage that

mothers get

when they lift cars off babies.

Bianca.

Billie.

Shall we take this outside?

To the smoking area, I mean.

OK, meet you there in a sec.

If I die, box my t*ts up

and send them to Nicky's, yeah?

But remember to send them

to his parents,

because he's living with them right

now, but, obviously, we're saving up

for Billie Bar in Manchester

OK, yeah, yeah, yeah. If I die

f*cking hell, I've done nothing!

I've got nothing!

I think I should do this alone.

You look a bit oversimulised

OK, but what should I do?

I can't go home, Seb's moved in.

Josie, you need to stop letting

people who don't understand you

decide what's best for you.

There's only one person

who knows what's best for you,

and who you are. Oh, yeah.

Yeah!

And I know exactly who that is.

Josie! I've figured it out.

What? I've figured out who I am.

Oh, yeah? And who are you?

Whoever you want me to be.

He's not here, if that's

what you're wondering.

I already checked. Oh.

BIANCA SCOFFS

And don't even dare asking me

to break up with him

because it's not going to happen.

We're endgame. You'll never love him

as much as I do.

Why isn't he here then?

Er, because I'm too fit for him.

He said I can't be tamed.

Well, he said things to me

that he'd never say to anyone else.

Really? Mm-hm.

Did he tell you

you had a perfect p*ssy?

Oh.

Has he changed his phone contract,

do you know?

Er, no.

No, same number.

I heard from him yesterday.

SHE STAMMERS

We're notover,

we're justtaking a little break

while he works on some of his stuff.

You can tell me.

SOFTLY: No, it's just

TEARFULLY: He's just got a lot

going on at the moment,

and he said he would let me know

when he's ready to talk.

It's OK, baby. It's OK.

Let it out

I like your hair.

It's my natural colour.

TV: ..their remarkable

cliffside nests

which provide safety

from predators

I do just think Bloody hell, it's

like you're in a pyramid scheme.

There's nobody more f*cked-up

than therapists, Dev.

What kind of sick freak decides to

cash in on someone's misfortune?

What are they doing in those little

rooms asking questions like that?

Nosy b*stards!

..ensuring the survival

of the next generation

Shall we go and see

what Seb's up to? Yeah.

Shecan't be having

a good time without me.

She'll be overstimulated.

She can barely handle

five minutes in Lush.

Why wouldn't she want me there?!

Do you think she could be

kissing a girl?

Right, where's the rest of your

stuff? No, that's it.

What, this is everything you own?

Yeah.

Well, your underwear

is already in here.

No, that's all Josie's.

I just I actually don't think

I'd like it if she kisses girls.

If she does it in a room

and I'm not there,

it doesn't really feel

like it's for me, you know?

It feels, it feels more like

..cheating

Deb? Er, why don't you leave me

to speak with Seb? Mano-a-mano.

All right, I'll leave you to it.

But I think we all just need to

trust her.

DEV CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY

I'll go and crack this open.

I'm sure there's lots of lovely

things about Seb in here

that'll make him feel better.

DEV CHUCKLES

Thanks for letting me talk about

this. I just

I guess II'm just a bit worried

about what Josie could be doing.

But people People don't cheat in

real life, do they?

That's just something that

happens on Strictly.

SEB LAUGHS

I need to tell you something.

I cheated on Deb last night.

Oh, dear

DRAWER RATTLES

SHE TUTS

LOUD CRASH

SHOE CLATTERS

Last night when I got in,

I had a large glass of merlot

and got a little reflective.

Before I knew it, I was watching

me and Lisa's first dance

at our wedding.

I was completely overcome

with emotion

..but then I looked down

and I realised

..I'd started masturbating.

I'm just

I'm not sure enjoying a memory of

your late wife counts as cheating.

Oh-h*-h*, I think it does.

Do you think Josie's cheating on me?

No No.

No, I'm sure she's not.

She loves you.

You are fulfilling all her needs,

aren't you?

We don't havemuch sex,

to be honest.

Well Well, how often are you

having sex?

Well, don't, don't get me wrong

We we do other stuff, OK?

So much stuff

DEV CHUCKLES SUGGESTIVELY

Loads of stuff. Right!

Like, for starters,

I get a hand job

on Mondays AND Wednesdays.

Well, that's good news.

All right, Dev. I'm a virgin.

OK?

S S Sex makes me

a bit nervous.

Of course,

I can't tell Josie that though.

HE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY

I'm a man.

Absolutely.

We show these women no fear.

Not Deb, not Josie Not Deb

You said "Deb" twice.

Right, what are we drinking?

Maybe we shouldn't have any more,

I can't really see.

What is in those Roman cokes?

Well, what do you want to do then?

I don't know.

I feel like we need to be like

cleansed or something.

Together.

What, like wash Nicky

off our bodies?

Well, OK, yeah. Why not?

THEY CHUCKLE NERVOUSLY

Do you want me to likewash

you or something?

Yeah.

f*ck Nicky. We don't need him.

Yeah, exactly.

We have each other.

You know who I am.

You're the only person

in the world who understands me,

because of all your trauma. Yeah

You understand me, because of what

happened with your mum and your dad

being toxic. Nobody knows pain like

we do. I saw my nan this morning.

She's going to die,

it's only a matter of days

Ugh, keep f*cking talking.

I do feel quite cleansed. Yeah.

Nicky who?

You look like me.

You look like me.

THEY CHUCKLE

SHE MOANS SOFTLY

I can't believe this is happening.

I'm almost not dissociating.

What do you ermwant to do to me?

Erm, smell your hair?

Move to Hebden Bridge

and get a three-legged rescue cat

called Edgar?

Sorry, darling.

Just popping in for my book.

You're right, Sid, it's gripping.

Dad, please! So insensitive.

I'm off to bed, then.

Have a lovely night, girls.

If you need anything at all,

you just let me know, OK? Aw

Oh, my God! Er, I know.

He's so annoying.

Annoying? It's disgusting.

Your dad wants to f*ck you.

What? He was all over you.

A hug? Yeah, and a kiss.

Oh, that's f*cked up.

I've got to go.

What? It's just my dad.

He's just being affectionate.

Er, I think I can tell

the difference, Sid.

UNDER HER BREATH: f*cking hell

Josie thinking she's a l*sbian is

a bit of a spanner in the works.

I read online

that sexuality is a spectrum.

I just assumed wherever she was on

that spectrum included me watching.

Right, Seb, you're going to be

a bit shocked about this,

but there's not a single mention

of your name in this diary.

Not even on her birthday?

There's my name!

Phew!

Right Well, there we go.

Lovely. See? We just have to trust

each other.

I masturbated to my old

wedding footage last night.

I couldn't help it. It was

an accident. I'm so sorry.

Deb? Please.

Say something. I promise it won't

ever happen again.

Look, every relationship

has its problems.

What the women in this family need

is stable men that prove

they're going to stick

around forever.

No more of this therapy nonsense.

It is commitment that we need.

Howhow can I be more committed?

I've already moved in

and that wasn't enough.

She's insatiable!

Josie doesn't know what she wants.

So you have to tell her.

Almost force her

into making decisions.

She's like a deer in headlights,

but, deep down,

I think she wants the car

to hit her.

"M made me feel like sh*t again

today.

"I want to run away.

"Sometimes I think she'd rather me

be dead.

"She's a bully."

Wow. I know

Who is M?

BIANCA: I still don't really

understand how us kissing is revenge

if Nicky's not here to see us.

Trust me, he's devastated.

He'll know.

Can I ask you a question?

Is it to kiss again? No.

Did he ever, like, borrow money

off you and just not pay you back?

Yes! And did he ever ask you

to come over,

but really, he just wanted

to play Far Cry 5

while you cleaned his room?

No. No

..me neither.

We should get revenge.

By kissing again? No.

Worse.

We should tell his parents.

That is such a good idea.

Like, go round to his house

or something

Yeah, let's do it!

One more kiss first though.

I still can't believe he said

we both had perfect pussies.

THEY CHUCKLE

You do, though.

He was all over her.

f*cking disgusting.

The one person in the world

who I thought understood me.

And I can't go home

because Mum's moved Seb in.

I've wasted my life too.

I really feel like

I've got nothing left.

Wow, I feel loads better actually.

I just needed someone to talk to.

Also, while I'm here,

your son isn't very nice.

Sorry.

Oh! Sorry, you shouldn't be in here.

I don't think you should see her

like this. What do you mean?

Er, she died about an hour ago.

We're just waiting for the coroner.

f*cking hell!

SHE RETCHES

She looks very peaceful,

if that helps.

It doesn't, actually.

Sorry

This is actually so feminist of us.

I'm feeling so feminist right now.

I can't tell you how feminist

we're being.

I can't wait to go in there

and tell his parents

how much of a dickhead their son is.

How shall we do this?

OK, I'll go in and talk to them

first, then I'll give you the signal

to come in, but I think it should

come from me. OK.

I'll be here.

All right, I'll be right back.

Wait!

Can I just tell you, I think you're

the best friend I've ever had.

I love you. Thank you.

Perfect p*ssy Club?

Perfect p*ssy Club.

SHE GASPS, SQUEALS

CALL DIALS

Hello, you're through to the

Crisis Line. I'm feeling really bad.

Oh, no, have you tried

your coping mechanisms?

I don't think having a cup

of tea and a bath

is going to stop this one. Right

What about a cup of tea IN the bath?

Oh, yeah. OK, thanks,

I feel loads better. Really?

No, obviously not!

Have you tried deep breathing?

I want to prove to you that

I can be here for you, forever.

I'm in this for the long haul,

Josie. Till the end.

I'm willing to put the work in.

Hello?

You You can't accept love,

real love, undying love.

But I'm here and I'm unconditional.

Are you still there? So

HE CHUCKLES, CLEARS HIS THROA

Josie

..will you marry me?

Are you having suicidal thoughts?

SOFTLY: Yes.

Yeah Yes? Right Er

Stay on the line. I'm just going

to go and grab a colleague.

Go on, then. Get in!

Yes, of course, yes! She said yes!

Really? You heard her.

Look at her, she's in shock.

DEV CHORTLES

Well, kiss, then! OK.

Oh, she likes that. Ooh

HE INHALES SHARPLY

Whoo!

HE LAUGHS

I just wish I had a ring.

Er I've got one.

SHE SIGHS

There we go.

Everybody's happy. Job's a good 'un.

70 quid for therapy!

I just did that for free. Mm-hm.

I just wish Billie was here

to see this. And her father, too.

And Nan.

WHISPERED: She's dead by the way.

POP SONG PLAYS ON RADIO

Been a while, Miss.

Yeah, just wait a minute.

She's coming.

Trust me, she's the best friend

I've ever had.

She's coming.

KNOCK ON DOOR

Hello-o!

HE SIGHS

Josie, I'm really proud of you.

And I want you to know that you

have my blessing to marry Seb.

Aren't you supposed

to give Seb your blessing?

Er, no.

Doesn't feel right.

You know, Josie, death is just

another stage of life.

Your nan's with your dad.

Now, I don't know much

about that situation,

but it sounds like a rather

lovely place to be.

Huh

If you ever need to talk,

I'm here for you.

Thank you. Mm.

Deb?

HE CLEARS HIS THROA

Deb?

And then my mum came upstairs,

andnow I'm here.

Which makes me think maybe I can't

actually tell the difference.

Do you think this is about my dad?

Well, that's the hour up.

It's good to get the background

information down

before we get started.

What, that's it?

Yeah. I mean, you know,

it's our first session.

We were never going

to cover everything.

Well? Did it work?

Er I'm not sure.

I probably need a few more sessions

to find out.

Hmm.

Seems a bit excessive.

Just remember what they said to

you in that one, it's not hard.

But they have to! Waste of time!

ENGINE STARTS