01x04 - Marion & Eddy

[bunniefuu]

(THEME MUSIC PLAYS)

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)

(WAVE CRASHES)

(BIRD SQUAWKS)

SONG: Summer love

is like no other love

Ooh, yeah!

Summer love is like no other

Love

Ooh ♪

SONG: Ooh, ooh-ooh! Ooh, ooh-ooh!

Ooh, oh-ohh!

Ooh, ooh-ooh! Ooh, ooh-ooh!

Ooh, oh-ohh! ♪

(SIGHS HEAVILY)

(GASPS)

Ooh!

(WAVES CRASH)

(INHALES DEEPLY)

(EXHALES HEAVILY)

(WAVES CRASH)

- (MUSIC BLASTS FROM STEREO)

- (GASPS)

('KNOCK ON WOOD'

BY AMII STEWART PLAYS)

Baby!

Ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh! ♪

(SINGS ALONG) Look outside

The sun is bursting

Through ♪

This is the day

Your life will surely change ♪

(MUSIC STUTTERS)

This is ♪

(MUSIC STOPS)

(SILENCE)

(MUSIC STARTS)

When things fall into place ♪

(SINGS ALONG) Ne me demandez pas

de vous suivre

(MUSIC STUTTERS)

Ca sert a quoi, tout ca?

(MUSIC STOPS)

Ca sert a quoi

Tout ca?

Il nous reste si peu a vivre ♪

(MUSIC STARTS)

Ca sert a quoi, tout ca? Il nous

Reste si peu ♪

(BLENDER WHIRRS)

(SINGS ALONG) We've started a fire

We've started a fire

We've started a fire

We can't put out! ♪

(LAUGHS)

(WAVES CRASH)

(SIGHS HEAVILY)

(CAR APPROACHES)

(TALK-BACK RADIO

PLAYS LOUDLY IN CAR)

And it starts 35 for

(ENGINE AND RADIO SWITCH OFF)

Can I help you?

Sorry

Uh Sorry, I

I thought this was Lot 23A.

This IS lot 23A.

Oh. Uh Are you the owner?

No, I'm the tenant.

Well, that surprises me because

I'M the tenant.

(WAVE CRASHES)

That's my booking receipt.

Are you sure

you've got the right week?

Yes, this is the week

I don't have my kids.

Can I just check the spelling

of the real-estate agent?

J-O-N-E-S.

Jones. That's it.

Um Ah, here we are.

The 2nd to the 9th.

No, I'M the 2nd to the 9th.

- That's just

- That can't be

- I'll call them.

- How have they done that?

- No, that's my phone.

- I'm sorry.

(PHONE LINE RINGS)

- Oh, you need to hang up.

- Well, I can talk to them. That's

OK, can I have MY phone?

I'll give them a buzz too.

Well, I don't think

we BOTH need to talk to them.

- I'd like to speak to them directly.

- It's voicemail.

Jones Ocean Properties. We'll return

your call as soon as possible.

Hi. This is Marion Fielding.

I'm staying at Lot 23A.

And I'm Eddy Marshall

and I'm also staying

OK.

And I'm with Eddy

Marshall.

..Marshall, who seems to think

Not thinking.

Look, there's been a double booking.

Could you please call me back

on this number?

Or my number, 0402

My son's coming on Sunday.

From interstate.

He's flying in, so

I've set up his bedroom.

Well, I'm doing

Do you know Cadel Evans?

- The cyclist?

- The cyclist.

He's got a Great Ocean Road race.

It's 115 kays,

and, uh I'm doing it,

and this is my base.

(PHONE RINGS)

Hello?

Yes, right.

Uh-huh.

Could we at least

pop that on speaker? I mean

The thing is

it's completely unacceptable.

I don't understand

how this could have

OK.

Yep. Fine.

(SIGHS HEAVILY)

They're going to get you

into the caravan park.

What?

OK, there are several things wrong

with that statement.

Me, caravan park.

I mean, this is why it would've been

really good

to have that on speakerphone.

And why do I

have to stay in a caravan park?

Well, I'm already here. I'm set up.

It's not first in best dressed.

Obviously it has to be.

No, no, no, no. Hang on.

So When did you book?

- I'm not going to compare when I

- No, here we

Oh, Jones - here we are. I remember.

Uh

29th. I booked on the 29th. You?

(SCOFFS)

The 29th.

Well, I booked at 4:15PM.

Ohh (CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

3:45.

Jesus.

Well, 30 minutes hardly counts.

YOU wanted to do it!

Maybe you should wait in your car.

- (PHONE RINGS)

- Speaker!

I think it's reasonable

given the circumstances.

Hello?

Hi, Marion.

It's Janelle from Jones again

Hi, Janelle. You've got

the both of us. This is Eddy.

Oh, Eddy, I am so sorry

about all of this.

Well, thank you, Janelle,

but let me be clear with you -

I will not be staying

in a caravan park.

Yeah.

Unfortunately, you won't be.

The caravan park is full tonight,

but they have a large booking

leaving tomorrow

and they will have

a Jumbuck Cruiser available.

- A what?

- Apparently they're really nice.

And we would foot the bill.

Obviously.

Yeah, let me Let me stop you

right there, Janelle,

because there is

absolutely NO circumstance

where I will be staying

- in a Jumbuck Cruiser.

- What do you mean it's full?

What about tonight?

Where's he supposed to stay tonight?

Well, it IS a three-bedroom house.

- I beg your pardon?

- I'm sorry?

(SIGHS)

(WAVES CRASH)

(GENTLE MUSIC PLAYS IN OTHER ROOM)

(MUSIC STUTTERS)

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACH)

Morning!

This is from my car.

Might help with the, um drop-outs.

Oh. No, the

You know, it doesn't bother me.

All good.

(GROANS SOFTLY)

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYS)

Yow!

('ARE YOU GONNA BE MY GIRL' BY JE

PLAYS)

You good if I cook a bit of bacon?

What have you got going on there?

Ice-cream.

Why are you dressed like that?

I'm riding to the real-estate agent.

You're making that from scratch?

Yeah. Why are you riding

to the real-estate agent?

Primarily to check

that they're an actual business

and to tell them

I WON'T be staying in a caravan

and they need

to find me another place.

They're about 20 kays away.

Wouldn't it be quicker to drive?

Well, I need to be training,

and I'm probably going to lose

most of the day to house hunting.

Right.

It's just she said, you know,

there was nothing available.

I wish my ex-wife

could have seen that.

- What?

- Exactly.

You putting my glass

in the dishwasher.

It was this ridiculous fight

that we used to have.

If If I left a glass out,

she'd get all huffy and say,

"When do you expect

the dirty-dish fairy to arrive?"

Like I was seven.

You know, if you want me

to put something away, just ask,

but she would go off her head

and say,

"I shouldn't have to ask,

you should just do it."

You know, I'm not a mind reader.

Do you want any bacon?

No.

Maybe she felt

that you expected her to do it.

- Well, I didn't.

- But she thought you did.

Well, then that

was totally in her imagination.

So, how is it supposed

to get in the dishwasher?

Just because you put something down

doesn't mean that's the end of it.

There are a myriad of possibilities

of what could happen next

that don't necessarily involve her.

Are there?

Are you a lawyer?

English teacher.

Look

..I did stuff around the house.

Always.

Always happy to do my share

whenever she'd ask.

But why did she have to ask you?

I already told you -

I'm not a mind reader.

But you had this fight all the time,

so why did you keep doing it?

No, it wasn't about

me continually doing it.

It was about her overreacting

to something really quite small.

We're talking about a glass.

She would end up screaming.

Because you made it HER job

to clean up after you.

- I didn't make it her job.

- She's not your mother.

I know she's not

I actually resent that implication,

that I'm somehow a a mummy's boy.

- Do you ask your kids?

- What?

To put their things

in the dishwasher.

Yeah, of course - they're kids.

Ooh, interesting.

Oh, my God!

Very clever.

Did you ask HER to put her glass

in the dishwasher?

- No.

- Why not?

Because she just did it.

Wow!

Without anyone having to ask her.

Because that's her thing.

She's a control freak.

(UNDER BREATH) f*cking gaslighter.

What?

Wha Sorry, what, uh

What did What did you say?

I said you are a gaslighter.

I am not!

What does that even mean, anyway?

It's one of those trendy terms

that everyone starts using

all of a sudden.

It means you make someone think

they're imagining things.

You made her think she was imagining

that she was supposed

to clean up your glass.

- I did not. I was just

- You made her think she was crazy

because she brought the glass up

all the time, she was 'overreacting'.

- Well, that's because she

- You made her think

that it was all her fault,

that it was actually her heart's

desire to clean up all the glasses

because she's a control freak.

Oh, that's gaslighting. Any clearer?

Do you do this kind of mind-f*ck

on all your relationships?

Is that why you're here alone?

Shithead textbook toxic masculinity.

I booked 30 minutes before you,

you f*ck!

Your poor f*ck' ex-wife.

Boy, did she dodge a b*llet.

(GROANS SOFTLY)

Mind-f*ck, my arse!

Just because you're

too fricking stupid to keep up.

(PUFFS)

All my relationships.

You f*cking arsehole.

Actually, my husband died.

I mean, he didn't,

but you don't know that.

(GRUNTS)

(BREATHES HEAVILY)

(PUFFS)

(GRUNTS)

(BIRD MURMURS)

Hello, c*ck!

(MURMURS)

- (HORN BLASTS)

- (SCREECHES)

(VEHICLE BLEEPS)

(WHIMPERS, GROANS)

(GRUNTS)

What What happened?!

Oh, um Just a bit

of a hamstring niggle, that's all.

- We found him up the hill.

- The really steep hill.

It's rated a nine.

Right.

On the way back from the agent?

Unfortunately not. Um

It's all good,

I'll just hop in the car.

MAN: (OVER RADIO) Paddy,

we've got a scrub fire reported

off Bushy Park Lane.

Can you attend?

Can we leave him with you?

(STAMMERS)

I'll be fine. I'll be

I'll be fine.

Hey, easy!

That's worth a lot of money.

And, uh

..thank you!

Appreciate picking me up. Thank you.

(ENGINE STARTS)

Can you drive?

Absolutely.

Yes. I'll I'll just grab the

Actually

..is there an ice pack

in that freezer?

Did you? On a board?

(SIGHS)

And And were the waves big?

Wow! That's great, honey.

I want pictures of that, yeah?

(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

Hey, is Dylan there?

No, no, don't get him out.

Just tell him he can

he can call me later on.

OK. I I love you, sweetheart.

And pictures, yeah?

Remember the pictures.

OK. Alright, mwah.

Mwah, mwah, mwah. Mwah.

Um Will frozen peas do?

Thank you.

Ohh

(SIGHS)

Actually

..would you mind

if I stay another night?

Sure.

(SCREAMS SOUNDLESSLY)

(WAVE LAPS)

Ohh!

(SIGHS)

(SOFT THUDDING)

Ooh!

(GROANS)

Ohh!

(GROANS)

Sorry.

I, uh

..thought I better

refreeze your peas.

Oh, I'm not going to use them.

Oh.

Well, also I, um

I wanted to apologise for, um

..implying

that you're here all alone

..because you've had multiple

failed relationships.

Yeah, I I remember what you said.

Also, um while we're talking

..I kind of get the, um

..analogy between

the kids and the dishwasher

and me and the dishwasher.

Is that right? 'Analogy'?

You're the English teacher.

I'm I'm pretty confident it is.

The point is

..that was a pretty good point.

And I now feel very in the loop

re gaslighting.

I'm really sorry, Marion.

Thank you, Eddy. I appreciate that.

Wow!

That's a lot of ice-cream.

I'm making neapolitan.

You know, it's the chocolate,

strawberry, vanilla.

Yeah, it used to come

in the big tub and

BOTH: No-one ate the strawberry.

Except Josh, my son.

He loved all three.

It's his favourite,

so I'm making it as a special treat.

Lucky boy.

Mm.

- Where's he coming from?

- Canberra. He's at ANU.

Where are your kids?

Hawaii.

Oh.

It's their mum's turn

for the holidays.

Oh.

This and all the cycling gear

I bought last Thursday

was meant to be my distraction.

- I know.

- (CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

Pathetic.

Well, uh

Goodnight.

Goodnight.

(WAVES CRASH)

(GROANS)

(SIGHS)

Ohh!

(SIGHS)

(PUFFS)

Oh, you're sh1tting me.

(PHONE RINGS)

Ha!

Hi!

How's the drive?!

(MOUTHS SOUNDLESSLY)

(QUIETLY) That's a USB cable.

Sorry, I need my lead.

I just I need my

(GROANS)

(STAMMERS) What do you mean?

What are you saying?

Right, so so are you in Darwin now?

Uh-huh.

No! No, I get it.

I get it. Of course!

It's not like I couldn't do

with the chill-out time on my own.

Yeah. Absolutely.

You have the best time.

Actually, you know, I was just

about to head out for a walk,

so we'll catch up later, OK?

Yep, love you too.

Was that your son?

He's not coming?

Why?

Doesn't matter.

Did you say he was in Darwin?

Yeah, well, he and his girlfriend

got tickets to a music festival,

and, um they wanted to go

but they couldn't get tickets,

and then somehow

she managed to get tickets, so

You know, I totally understand.

It's the opportunity of a lifetime.

Right.

And where does that leave you?

Here!

Jeez. Sorry.

Oh, look,

I don't want him to miss out.

- It's a bit sh*t, though.

- Oh, it's fine.

Yeah, but you made

all that lovely ice-cream and

You stay.

- Eh?

- You stay and I'll go.

- What?

- Have the hamper.

- I haven't touched it.

- No. No, no, I

No, really.

The whole point of me being here

was to spend time with Josh,

so, you should stay.

- What about your chill-out time?

- What?

On the phone you said

you could use the chill-out time.

Ah. Well

I can chill out at home.

What, so you're going right now?

- Yep.

- (GLASS BREAKS)

O OK.

Um Should you be

- (GLASS BREAKS)

- Uh

I I don't want to get

all mansplainy,

but that road is very windy

and can be tricky

even when you're feeling calm.

- I'm feeling very calm.

- OK.

So, um

Should I make you a cup of tea?

(SCOFFS) I don't want a cup of tea.

I just I don't think you

should be driving when you're upset.

I'm not upset.

I feel like I shouldn't

have mentioned the ice-cream.

What are you talking about?

I I I mentioned the ice-cream

and you've started packing up.

- It has nothing to do with that.

- Really?

'Cause I feel

like it made you very angry.

Oh, my God! You don't spot

your wife's anger in 10 years

but suddenly

you're an expert on mine.

No, no, no. I I do not

want to do the imagining thing.

I just feel like as soon

as I touched on the ice-cream

I don't give a SHI

about the ice-cream!

(GLASS BREAKS)

(DOG BARKS)

MAN: What the

(YELLS) Who the f*ck

is throwing ice-cream at my dog?!

(SHAKILY) I'm so sorry.

I

- I

- My mistake, mate! (GRUNTS)

I was, um I was trying to

scoop out the ice-cream and, um

..it it was rock-solid and, uh

..and, stupidly,

I had it on the ledge here

and it just flew down to you.

Which is a shame

because my friend here

spent a lot of time making it.

- Well

- (DOG BARKS)

..tell her my dog loved it!

Will do!

His dog loved it.

You, uh should have thrown off

the strawberry.

I'm so sorry.

You know what?

I AM going to make you

that cup of tea.

(WAVES CRASH)

(BIRDS SQUAWK)

(SIGHS HEAVILY)

Oh!

OK.

That spilt

more than I would have hoped.

Thank you.

I don't normally throw things.

- It's really OK.

- It's not. I'm very embarrassed.

Why didn't you just

tell your son you were pissed off?

Because I wasn't that angry.

I mean, I was disappointed,

but I knew I could deal with it.

But you couldn't.

No, because you kept pestering me.

Normally I would

just process that on my own.

That doesn't mean you're not angry,

that just means you're silent.

OK. No.

Well, now you're confusing me.

Welcome to my world.

(CHUCKLES)

A music festival. Pfft.

I would have let him have it

with both barrels.

Yeah, well, I'm not as good

at confrontation as you are.

(SCOFFS)

Are you kidding me right now?

You have been nothing

but confronting since I got here.

You're different - I don't know you.

What, so the more you know someone

the less likely

you are to say how you feel?

OK, well, when you say it like that,

I sound pathetic.

No, you sound timid,

which you're not.

(SCOFFS)

You don't know me.

This - this is not who I am.

Well, of course it is.

I've argued more with you

in two days

than I did with my husband

in 15 years.

(LAUGHS)

What, you didn't fight?

Not really.

How is that possible?

I don't know. I think

I think every time I got upset

I went into a different room.

Why?

So I could scream into a pillow.

Huh?

I I just

I just didn't know how to

Women Women aren't

meant to get hysterical.

It's the first thing you told me

about your ex-wife,

- that she overreacted.

- OK, OK.

I think we've established

that I might have been wrong,

so can we just get back to the

you-screaming-into-the-pillow bit?

No.

No, seriously, tell me

what what would you scream?

I don't know.

We split up 10 years ago.

- OK, well, what about now?

- I'm not angry now.

- No, I mean, with your son.

- I don't know.

No, come on. If I hadn't have come

back in and grabbed my lead

- Oh, my God!

- ..what would have you said to him

- when you hung up?

- I don't know

"You're a little c**t!"

(BOTH LAUGH)

(WAVES CRASH)

(SPEAKS INAUDIBLY)

(PUFFS)

How was the little c**t?

Sorry.

Not as funny when I say it.

(CHUCKLES)

(SIGHS)

Thank you.

What for?

I don't know really, but I just

told my son how I actually felt,

which, you know,

historically is not what I do.

- Except with me.

- (CHUCKLES)

What did he say?

He was very apologetic.

Yeah, he said he'd fly down tomorrow.

Oh! OK.

Well, at least

you've still got two flavours left.

Unless, of course,

you throw the vanilla off tonight.

He's not coming.

Really?

I told him

that I'd made other plans.

(BIRDS SQUAWK)

SONG: We've started a fire ♪

Did you book this place

just so you could clean the windows?

I'm Luke. This is Olly.

Happy anniversary! Mwah!

I made us a cheese board.

I googled

"how to plan a g*y threesome"

- and found this app called 3WAY.

- Here we are, gentlemen.

We were supposed

to be having dinner.

- You should've checked with me first!

- I was trying to surprise you!

And this is why I hate the beach

because there are shells EVERYWHERE!

Are you OK?

No!