02x01 - Episode 1

[bunniefuu]

[upbeat electronic music]

♪ Be yourself

[upbeat electronic music]

♪ Life's too short

[footsteps clacking]

Bud.

[hand smacks]
Rise and shine, buddy.

You're gonna be late.

[Bud groans]

No.

You'll get fired.

Can't you just mercy k*ll me?

- What, like firing
squad, lethal injection?

Just choke me.

- Yeah, that's not
really my thing.

I could slit your throat.

[Bud sighs]

Too messy.

I'll join you in the bathtub.

That way, all the evidence
goes down the drain.

[Bud grunts]

Fine.

Take a shower.

It'll make you feel better.

[metallic clank]
[Bud groans]

[birds chirping]
[horn blares]

[Tab sighs sleepily]

[Tab groans]

[water splatters]

Relax.

[soap thuds]
[Benny chuckles]

Come on.

[birds chirping]

You wanna grab dinner tonight?

Two nights in a row?

I'm away next week.

Unless you want to come
to beautiful Anaheim.

Pass.

Two desserts.

- Say when and
where and I'm yours.

[upbeat jazzy piano music]

[restaurant patrons chattering]

- So, have you
solved it at work?

[Patron] Solved it?

- Remember you used to
split tips with Mickey?

I'm not giving you my tips.

This is sexual discrimination.

Oh, you know what?

That's actually a good idea.

You give me your golf
buddies at table six

and I'll give you
my gays at table 12.

Oh.

You're devious.

Oldest trick in the book.

♪ With gracefulness and class

- This is so inspirational.
- Are you serious?

[restaurant patrons chattering]

Oh.

Oh Bud, what a
pleasant surprise.

You work here now?

Pays the bills.

Old-fashioned must be you?

You remember.

[soft chanting]

Are you still in school?

On a break.

I'm saving up.

Oh, that's too bad.

I'd like you to meet
my nephew, Colton.

I'm gonna need to see some ID.

Really?

It's the law.

[Colton chuckles]

You never asked to see my ID.

I've been through your wallet.

Seat belts are also the law.

Should he buckle up?

Yeah, he should.

[wallet clacks]

Here you go,

Colton.

Can I get you anything else?

- No, I think I have everything
that I need right here.

[restaurant patrons chattering]

- Cheers.
- Cheers.

- That was an exercise
in humiliation.

Oh, is my gaydar that bad?

- It's my ex-fiance.

Oh sh*t.

I'm sorry, I didn't
recognize him.

- Well, we were only
engaged for one day.

Right.

Are you okay?

I'll be back in a minute.

[restaurant patrons chattering]

- He's special.
- Hmm.

[door clacks]

- [Bud] Did he ask
you to marry him yet?

- No, we only just
said I love you.

You said it back?

Oh, it made him so happy.

- Did he know your
real name is Eugene?

- No, because he's
never checked my ID.

[water trickles]

Look,

I'm sorry you feel
like you missed out

but you kinda get what you
give and from the sounds of it,

you've been giving
it all over town.

So finders keepers, all that.

Oh.

You think he chose you?

Don't you know an imitation
knockoff when you see one?

Was he right in the
middle of an orgasm

when he said "I love you?"

I'll go grab you a doggy bag.

I know how much you
enjoy sloppy seconds.

♪ Day after day after day

♪ You want it day
after day after day ♪

- [door slams]
- b*tch.

♪ After day, day, day

I don't know if there should

be a geo-based
limiter, you know?

'Cause people will travel
to get a good stud.

Amen.

- And you can overnight
ship a load of semen.

- What about we
charge an upgrade

to bypass the
geographic limiter?

Like a dating app.

Maybe.

- Have you given any
thought to domestic animals?

- I'd really like to stick
with the agricultural market.

I just feel like this app

would be worth a
lot more to farmers.

Yeah, absolutely.

But when it comes to
dogs and cat breeders,

we're talking about a whole
different level of crazy.

We're talking purebred money

and it's not just
professional breeders.

It's pet lovers who want Fefe

to experience motherhood just
once before they tie her tubes

but only if it's purebred,
not some litter of ugly mutts.

You're not just tapping
into a much bigger market.

You triple the app's
chance of success.

[soft guitar music]

[car horn honks]

How was your week?

I saw the developer today.

Oh?

Mm hmm.

How's my investment going?

- Well, he was just giving me
like ideas to tweak the app.

Reach a bigger audience.

Is that what you want?

It could make more money.

- Well, if I wanted
to make more money,

I'd go into fast food.

Cheap ingredients, franchise
brands, good margins.

But I stopped at
three restaurants

because my dream was to
make something just right.

My vision.

Yeah.

Thank you.

You know, I wouldn't even be
here if it weren't for you.

I was fully ready to move
back to Canada but you know,

you decided to
invest in my vision.

[Costas laughs]

- Might have just been my
way of keeping you around.

[soft guitar music]

[soft chanting]

- I wanted to give
you something.

[key jingling]

Oh, my own key?

I figured it's time.

- Can I have a party
while you're away?

No.

How would you even know?

- Actually, I was thinking
you could move in.

Move in with you?

It's been over six months.

We see each other two, three,
sometimes four times a week.

Yeah.

- So, maybe it's
time to level up.

Like a video game?

Yes.

I used a video game analogy.

Do I get extra points?

You get a nice place to live.

Stability,

security.

Someone to take care of you.

You don't have to work.

What do I get if I win?

My heart.

[soft electronic music]

- So would you order that
shepherd's pie again?

- Hmm, I liked
the burger better.

So what do you think?

Think about what?

Moving in with me.

- Well, there's
kind of a problem.

What's that?

I'm not g*y.

- Well, I know
you're not g*y g*y

but you're g*y enough for me.

I'm g*y for pay.

I thought we'd grown

really close.

Super close.

So what would really change?

Everything.

I can't be your boyfriend.

I don't wanna be
anybody's boyfriend.

♪ Right back where we started

♪ So what you gonna do

♪ I know

♪ Open it, make it grow

♪ So what you gonna do

♪ I know

♪ Living a life of control

♪ You want it day after
day after day after ♪

♪ You want it day after
day after day after day ♪

♪ You want it day after
day after day after ♪

♪ You want it day after day

- [glass shatters]
- Ow, f*ck!

f*ck, f*ck, f*ck!

♪ Just one rest, one rest

♪ Maybe we're just
running on that wheel ♪

♪ You wanna roll but you
can't put in the weight ♪

♪ How many likes does
it take to feel again ♪

♪ Again

This isn't your fault.

You've been very consistent
since the beginning.

I'm the one that let my
imagination run wild.

What's not my fault?

- I should have known
I couldn't spend

all this time with you
and not fall in love.

Oh sh*t.

So,

we've tipped the scales.

Being with you has gone from

making me feel good
to making me feel bad.

I'm sorry.

- You got nothing
to be sorry for.

You've always fulfilled
your end of the deal.

- I filled your end
pretty good too.

Yeah, you have.

But nothing stays the same.

But we really like each other.

- I prefer to stop while
we still like each other.

No way.

You're like my best friend.

- A best friend doesn't
charge a fee, Tab.

Mickey and Buddy are friends.

I'm your sugar daddy.

Ex-sugar daddy.

[soft electronic music]

[steady tempo drumbeat]

[computer chimes]

Oh, good.

I was gonna call you.

Yeah.

What's going on?

Chapter 11.

What?

Shutting down the office.

What about my app?

- You're gonna have to
find a new developer.

Well, give me my money back.

Realistically, the judge

is gonna give your
money to the bank.

It's always the way.

- You knew this was gonna
happen when I paid you.

Sorry, kid.

f*ck.

- You lost Benny?
[hand slaps]

Ow.

You lost his cleaning service

and all the free furniture
and gift certificates?

He dumped me.

What did you do?

He fell in love with me.

- Ugh, what is with these
sugar daddies falling in love?

Have boomers never
heard of casual sex?

[Mickey sighs]

What's wrong with you?

My developer went bankrupt.

It sounds like a setback.

- I already paid him
the entire budget.

How much?



- 30 grand?
[hand slaps]

Okay, not cool.

- You're supposed to slap
people when they're hysterical.

- You're being hysterical,
we should slap you.

That actually sounds right.

Can you ask Costas
for more money?

- I don't think I can
ever face Costas again.

- So now no one's
got a sugar daddy.

Can anyone pay rent?

[distant siren blares]

[jazzy trumpet music]

- Don't you start
in like 13 minutes?

If I'm still alive.

Oh god.

What's wrong with you three?

- I'm a dropout who still
has to pay student loans.

Mickey's in more
debt than he ever was

and Tab has no future at all

and we're all spinsters.

Sounds pretty grim.

Don't gloat.

- You better start eating fast
or you'll be unemployed too.

Bring me a fork.

[bird caws]

[toilet flushes]

- Good morning.
- Hold on.

What's happening?

- I'll tell you
what's not happening.

We are not sitting
around on the sidewalk

while a bunch of
second-rate liars

and cheats live it up on
their sugar allowance.

What are you up to?

- The problem with
us is we're too nice.

Oh, is that our problem?

Obviously.

Why do we have no
money and no daddies?

Too trusting,

too honest,

too selfless.

We gotta toughen up and
get back in the game.

I'm registering for
classes and I'm putting

all our sweet asses back
up on the sugar app.

We've got six days to make rent.

Oh no, not that guy.

[birds chirping]

- Oh, I didn't know you
were taking this class.

I had to change my schedule.

Too many morning rehearsals.

For what?

- Non-disclosure
agreement, sorry.

Good for you.

I look forward to seeing
it, whatever it is.

See you inside.

[upbeat piano music]

Are you f*cking kidding me?

- Bud, congratulations,
you made your tuition.

I hope our tip helped.

Yeah, that was the 50 cents

that really put me over the top.

- Your service was
worth every penny.

- We all do what we have to
to make a buck, don't we?

My tuition's paid for.

- With Early's
money and your a*s,

pet, I know you'll go far.

I hope you stay there.

[birds cawing]

[glass clatters]

[Tab knocks]

You still in bed?

Nope.

What's the matter?

- Nothing, I just don't
have anything left

to get out of bed for.

Don't worry so much.

Everything's gonna be fine.

How?

- Bud's gonna find
us sugar daddies

and we're gonna make lots of
money doing same sex stuff

and you're gonna sell your
app and be a billionaire

and I'm gonna have
a hundred million

in initial stocks
that you give me.

- You think so?
- I know so.

I know these things.

Thanks.

You wanna have practice sex?

Get off me.

♪ So give me one kiss goodbye

♪ Don't try to make
me stay for awhile ♪

♪ Give me one kiss goodbye

♪ sh**t and I won't come back

♪ Just give me
one kiss goodbye ♪

[up tempo ensemble
electronic music]