02x04 - Halloween

[bunniefuu]

[phone ringing]

Hello?

[David] Hello, Chris. What are you doing?

Um, just making popcorn,
getting ready for Dinner Time Live.

[David] I love Dinner Time Live.

But what's your favorite scary movie?

Um, Scream's pretty good.

Uh… wait, who is this?

It's David, Dave Chang,
from Dinner Time Live.

Oh. Why-- why are you asking me
about my favorite scary movie?

Because we're making
a Halloween-themed episode

and cooking scary movie-inspired dishes.

Okay. Well, that'll be perfect.
We have two guests for that.

We've got Fortune Feimster
and Rachel Bloom,

both actors and comedians.

Rachel's comedy special, Death,
Let Me Do My Special, just came out.

And Fortune's got Fortune Feimster:
Crushing It, coming on Netflix soon.

What are you gonna cook for them?

[laughing] I don't know.
I can't even look at you in the face.

Um, I'm gonna do
a Hannibal Lecter-inspired fava beans,

liver, bottle of Chianti.

We're gonna roll into-- 'cause you can't
have popcorn without a scary movie,

it's gonna be a popcorn grits
with popcorn shrimp,

and then we're gonna do
a Squid Game-inspired steak and eggs,

and then we'll get into
a classic sundae in a special vessel.

Sounds… scary.

[both snickering]

[theme music]

[Fortune laughing]

All right,
welcome back to Dinner Time Live.

-I'm your host, David Chang.
-[applause]

This is the holiday edition
Halloween episode.

Joined with Chris Ying,
voice of the internet.

-Whoo!
-[Fortune] Yeah, Chris.

Rachel, thanks for joining us.
Fortune, second go-around.

Yes, I couldn't resist.

-[applause]
-I love it.

We love having you.
Thank you for coming back a second time.

A big fan of all of your guys' work.

I'm very excited to cook for you guys.

Rachel, I just found out,
sort of been to all our restaurants,

so I get to finally
cook for her in person.

This is an honor for me.

And since it is the Halloween episode,
we're trying to make

sort of iconic dishes,
or sometimes loose interpretations

of scary moments in film and television.

And when I think of the scariest moment,

it's Silence of the Lambs,
Hannibal Lecter,

uh, when he says he's going to
make fava beans with liver.

This case,
it won't be human liver, thank God.

-And a bottle of Chianti.
-[Fortune] All right.

No one told me that
this was a Halloween episode.

[David]
We're doing a Halloween episode, right?

-[Fortune] I just--
-[Chris] Nobody told me either!

[laughter]

-I dress like this all the time.
-Is this not a Halloween episode?

I'm a cougar, could you tell?

[laughter]

-Chris.
-I'm ready. I'm ready for Halloween.

[David] What are you dressed as?

I don't know.
This is really tight on my fat face.

[laughter]

It's hard to eat like that.

Can you give us the--

-[imitating Hannibal Lecter hissing]
-There you go.

-Now I can make this dish.
-[Fortune] Yes!

[Rachel] When my daughter was a newborn,
we had her in that thing called a snoo.

-Yes!
-You zip her up,

and she looked like
a little Hannibal Lecter,

so we ordered a custom-made pacifier
with that design on it.

-And we have some pictures, it's great.
-Can you take that off now, please?

-[laughter]
-[Fortune] You're scaring us.

[Chris] Yeah, gladly.

-[Fortune laughs]
-I loved it. He looked like my baby.

So, we're gonna cook you guys
very out-of-the-season fava beans.

[laughs] Um, and I blanched these,

and I also made a sauce
where I took some shallots,

sweated them down in some butter,
a little bit of thyme,

took the thyme out, blitzed it
with a little water, salt, pepper,

and that is going to be
your fava bean puree.

I'm gonna dress these,
and then I'm gonna roast off.

What does "blitz" mean?

[David] Just blended.

[Fortune] All right.

"Blanche" is also the name of a cougar.

-[laughter]
-From The Golden Girls.

[laughter]

So, this does look scary.

-What is it?
-This is a duck liver.

-Oh.
-[David] It's foie gras.

-[Fortune] Okay.
-And, uh…

-That's huge.
-Yeah.

That is really big.

That's a big-- that's a big duck.

Did you get it from a duck
in MacArthur Park?

-[David] Yeah!
-[Rachel] It's one of those?

[chuckling] Oh, no.

-They're mean there.
-Oh, mean duck?

So, I've always wanted to do this,
'cause in a restaurant, you would never,

if you were gonna serve a hot lobo foie,

you'd always cut it from the center
coming in or portion it out,

and I've always wanted to just go
straight in the center. [laughs]

'Cause this is not what you would do.

[Fortune] Uh-huh.

[Chris] So you're basically taking the
two nicest cuts right out of the center.

[Fortune] Oh, gotcha.

And don't worry,
we're not gonna throw this away.

We're gonna turn this into something
else for another episode, I'm sure.

Oh. Wow.

But, um…

When are fava beans in season?

-Summertime. Yes.
-Summertime. Okay.

But I rarely eat foie gras these days.

It's one of those ingredients
that as a younger cook…

you know, I never grew up
eating this stuff, and you just--

I just had dreams about, like,
"What would this even taste like?"

-[Fortune] Yeah.
-You know? So, when--

The first dish that came to mind
when coming up with this menu

was number one, no question,
this Hannibal Lecter dish.

-Wait, are you putting flour on there?
-This is Wondra.

Uh, Wondra is a deionized flour,

so basically that means
it doesn't stick together,

and what they do is they basically, like,

make a slurry with the flour and water,

and then they sheet it out, cook it,
and then they blitz it again.

They do-- they what it out?

Like, they spread it into a thin, thin--

-Sheet. I did say sheet.
-Okay.

[laughter]

Making sure I heard it correctly.

Um, Chris, you're scaring me.
Why is that back on?

[Chris] Oh, because we have a little thing
that has to happen over here.

[Fortune] Oh! What's that?

[Chris] I need to choose
your utensils for the evening.

-[Fortune] That's right.
-So this is gonna be Fortune's.

[Fortune] Oh!

[Chris] Andy, could you give Fortune
the wooden disposable chopsticks, please?

-All right.
-[Rachel] Oh.

I thought he said "your fortune."

-Yeah.
-You get that all the time, right?

[Fortune] All right, Rachel,
what is yours?

Oh, you get the fancy ones.

[Chris] Rachel will take
the fancy ones, please.

-Appropriate. Thank you.
-[laughter]

Can I ask you a question?

You're a world-renowned chef.

If you had to cook human…

-[David] Yes.
-Oh.

…what would you think would
taste best with human meat?

-[laughter]
-If you had to guess.

Well, I know I just said
that this was duck liver.

-But this is actually…
-Great.

-…Chris's liver.
-[Chris] Yeah.

-Don't knock it.
-No, I don't know. I--

I'm not the biggest fan
of thinking about that stuff.

-You know, like--
-Wow, that's so weird.

-[laughter]
-Yeah.

[Rachel] I think about it every day.

Like-- You know,
when we're coming up with this menu,

I didn't wanna do anything
that seemed too cannibalistic,

'cause there's clearly a lot of Texas
Chainsaw m*ssacre dishes we could've done.

And at the end of the day,
this is-- what I hope--

an entertaining, educational show,

and even though it's the holiday season,
I don't wanna gross people out.

I want people to be like,
"I wanna eat that."

-[Chris] Mm-hmm.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, like, you know how you do
caviar bumps off of people's hands?

-[David] Uh-huh.
-You do?

Yeah, like, they'll--
you'll have, like, lick it off a hand.

What do you think pairs best with hand?

Like-- like, off of a live person's hand.

Other than caviar. Like, it's a person--

You have to lick someone's hand,
but it's not caviar.

-Like, what do you think--
-Doesn't have to be food.

-[laughter]
-That-- Okay--

No, uh…

Tequila. Body shots. That's what's good.

-[Rachel] That's great.
-Yeah.

That's what pairs best.

I just wanna make it clear,
I'm not a cannibal. I just--

-Anyone watching this, um…
-That hasn't been clear so far.

-[laughs] I know, it hasn't.
-[David] It hasn't been clear whatsoever.

That before we began, you asked
about what a human would taste like.

[Fortune]
But it is a Halloween episode, so.

[Rachel]
What if I had person here for my--

I'll add another--
I'm gonna add a mushroom.

[Chris] Oh, you brought your own food?

This is the first guest to bring
their own meal to the counter here.

Rachel came prepared.

-Rachel has pick your own topping pizza.
-Yeah.

If we were stranded on a mountain

and we needed to survive
by eating each other,

would you eat-- would we eat each other?
Would you allow that to happen?

-Would we eat each other? Wow, I--
-Uh…

-This is early in the meal.
-If I had consent.

-[laughter]
-[David] If you had-- you had consent.

It's all about consent. You know?

-Yeah.
-Affirmative consent.

"Yes, you may eat me,
and I'm excited for you to eat me."

-Okay, okay.
-That's my barometer.

I'm not a cannibal.
I can't emphasize this enough.

-Again, we're not sure.
-Again, it's really not clear.

I mean, I guess you guys could eat me.

That's not-- that's not a firm--
that's not-- that's not enthusiastic.

I do have a lot of meat on my bones,
so I would be good for the takin'.

I just realized
my daughter's watching this.

-Eh, it's okay. It's all right.
-Aww. Hi!

Um, you were telling us your daughter
was gonna go as dressed as what on…

She was gonna go
dressed as a diamond ghost,

but she's now changed it to

fairy sparkle unicorn princess.

-We'll see what happens.
-[Fortune] Yeah.

Good ol' fairy diamond unicorn princess.

Fairy-- I'm gonna go as a cougar.

[laughter]

-Wow.
-Look at my pants.

Those are great.

-[Chris] Yeah!
-[cheering]

I feel like Sally O'Malley.

"I like to kick, and stretch, and kick."

[laughter]

I'm a cougar.

Rachel, we haven't really had a chance
to see your costume in its full splendor.

-You mind we get a--
-[Fortune] Yeah, show it off, girl.

[Rachel]
This is what I like to call pizza.

-[laughter]
-That's-- Yes!

-This is about it.
-[applause]

Yes!

-And it comes--
-Add those toppings, add those toppings.

-Pepperoni.
-Come on. You want it supreme.

It's important-- Now, I'm gonna do
something here, and I'm gonna put--

Now I'm hosting my own show.

I'm gonna put--
I'm gonna put pepperoni on the crust.

Because what's
the worst part of the crust?

You don't have the toppings anymore, okay?
So what we're gonna do--

-Lost the mushroom.
-We're gonna add the--

-We lost a-- Oh, we lost--
-We lost the mushroom.

-Okay.
-What I'm hoping, though,

is that people watching the show won't
realize that I'm gonna take this costume,

'cause I wanna use it for Halloween.

-[Rachel] You wanna actually borrow--
-For sure. I'm just gonna borrow it.

That's fine, 'cause I have another
costume for Halloween proper.

[Chris] That's a…

I could-- I could also go as a woman who--

[Chris] Chang, what do you make of this?

I could also go as a woman
who has camel toe.

[laughter]

'Cause-- 'cause I do.

[laughter]

Hannibal Lecter, what were you saying?

I was gonna say, what do you
make of this topping combination

of pepperoni, pineapple, mushroom?

That is truly a horror.

-[laughter]
-But it's also on the back.

-You don't like pineapple on pizza?
-No. You?

'Cause what's the worst part of the back
of the pizza? No toppings.

Can we stop?
Netflix, can we stop the show?

-Time out! Time out.
-I like pineapple on pizza.

Let's go to commercial.
First-ever commercial break.

-[Fortune] Oh, no!
-We have to stop the show,

-'cause Fortune has to leave.
-[Fortune] No, come on!

I like pineapple on pizza. k*ll me!

-[Chris groans]
-[laughter]

Honestly? Honestly, Fortune, it's one
of the worst takes I've ever heard.

-[Rachel] I also love pineapple on pizza.
-[Fortune] Thank you, Rachel.

I know that it's really--
people don't like it.

You're gonna both have to leave, or we're
gonna have to pretend that Wiz Khalifa--

[Chris] All right, redeem yourself,
redeem yourselves for me.

What are your respective
favorite Halloween candies?

-Oh, um…
-[Chris] You are being judged.

Can I just tell you, what you basically
just told me with pineapple on pizza is

your favorite Halloween candy
is black licorice.

-Oh, no.
-Absolutely-- How dare you?

-Exactly. How dare you?
-[Rachel] How dare you?

That's so different.

[laughter]

Well, it's a good thing
you bringing up your chopsticks, guys.

-That's right. Yeah.
-Oh!

Because it is gonna play--

Like, I can't stress enough,
a crucial role,

maybe the biggest role in today's dinner.

And I'm gonna plate this fava bean.

-Okay.
-Yeah.

And when I drop it,
I'm gonna highly encourage--

even if you don't know how
to use chopsticks,

you'd better learn
how to use chopsticks quick.

-I do.
-[laughter]

-[David] Because--
-I said my skills were good,

and now I look terrible.

You're gonna need to
exercise these muscles.

But I now have to pa--
plate this very quickly.

[laughter]

[Fortune] Wait, why quickly?

Because I've now told you what
I'm gonna do, and there's no food to eat.

Oh, yeah.

We've gotta put
our chopsticks to the test.

-My skills aren't great.
-[Rachel] These are gorgeous.

[Chris] Uh, Dave ended up doing all
these sort of scary movie-inspired dishes,

but generally speaking, Halloween,
worst eating holiday possible.

-There's nothing to eat for Halloween.
-No. I-- I don't--

Now that I have kids,
I have to take Halloween more seriously.

In college, it was just about getting,
you know, whatever.

-[Chris] Studying.
-Studying.

[laughter]

-Wow.
-Hey, Dave, who am I?

-[laughter]
-[David] Mr. Miyagi.

-Yeah! Come on.
-Of course. Come on, man.

Growing up, that was, like,
our only moment in-- in history.

-In cinema history.
-[laughter]

So, uh, I wanted to make this look bloody,

so I took a Chianti, this bottle,

reduced it down with some bay leaf, sugar,

red wine vinegar,
and made a chianti gastrique.

[Fortune] Yum!

And… a little sea salt.

Oh, my gosh.

-And here you go.
-[gasps]

-Thank you! Whoa!
-Wow!

So I wanted to make it look "bloody."

Very terrifying.
But again, very delicious.

I'm so excited about this.

Mmm! Those are good.
I don't even like beans.

-Well, I gotta say--
-[Fortune] But those are really good.

You're a little bit better
at using chopsticks

-than I thought you guys were gonna be.
-I'm actually pretty good.

-I'm better than I thought too.
-As I drop this liver.

Wait. Wait. Wait.

-[laughter, cheering]
-I did it.

-Oh, that's good.
-[Chris] Yeah!

-Wow, it's good.
-[applause]

-Thank you.
-Mmm!

I put actually quite a bit
of black pepper in that gastrique,

so you might get
that little bit of black pepper heat.

I love black pepper in that regard.

Mmm!

What's a-- If you had to, like,
pick one spice on a desert island--

I'm sure you've gotten asked this a lot.

But what would it be?
You have to pick one spice.

-[David] One spice?
-[Rachel] You're on an island.

It's the one spice
for the rest of your life.

-Other than salt.
-[David] Um…

God damn. That's the best question
I've ever been asked in my life.

-[Rachel] Really?
-Yeah! What the f*ck?

[Chris] I'm just getting ready
for the next segment.

-Just trying to get ready.
-[laughter]

[Fortune] The number one-- I've never
thought about a spice in my life.

[laughter]

I'm-- Yeah, what?

I think Dave's gonna take
an herb with him to this island.

Not a spice, you know what I'm sayin'?

-Chris, what are you--
-[Rachel] Yum.

Chris, are you wearing a one-ab suit?

Yeah. Why have six-packs
when you can just have one?

[laughter]

Six is just greedy, man. Just a one-pack.

So, uh, I don't know about you guys,

I can't watch any movie,
let alone a scary movie, without popcorn.

-You guys like popping popcorn at home?
-[Fortune] I love popcorn.

-[Rachel] Yeah.
-[Fortune] Love it.

So, I've just--
What I like to do, big, heavy pot.

And heavy with a lot of, sort of
a good balance of heat distribution.

I know that sounds nerdy, but something
that will prevent it from having cold

and hot spots, something that's
very even on the heat on the bottom.

[Rachel] I don't think that sounds nerdy.
It's your job.

Thank you! Um…

A lot of oil.

So basically I wanna cover
the kernels in some kind of fat.

I don't like using olive oil,
any oil that has a low burn temp.

This is a grapeseed,
but avocado oil would be good too.

-Hmm!
-And, uh, medium, medium-high heat.

And then we're gonna
hopefully not burn this.

[Fortune] Amazing!

-[David] How is this?
-It's fantastic. I love this.

-Ten out of ten.
-[David] Listen.

I'm giving you guys the biggest hint
I've ever given on this show

about what you need to do,
and I'm just saying, like,

I'm impressed,
but you're gonna need to practice more.

-Okay.
-Oh, no!

Do you have any tips of, uh, using…

-I can only spear these beans.
-[David] I can't give you good tips,

because I actually, myself,
use an unorthodox approach

-to using chopsticks.
-Do you do this?

It's like a sidearm.
If I'm a baseball player, I throw sidearm.

It's not-- not pretty.

These beans are good,
but all I can think is,

-"I wish this were summer."
-[David] "These beans are good"?

[laughter]

-The beans are just good, Fortune?
-[Rachel] Wow.

-Yeah, your jokes are just okay good too.
-[laughter]

These beans, they're really good,
but I'm like-- it's just missing summer.

[laughter]

[Chris] Just a warm breeze
blowing through.

-[Fortune] These taste like fall beans.
-You must be fun on Yelp.

[David laughs]
"Oh, they taste like frozen beans."

"Zero stars. It wasn't summer."

"I like these fall-- these fall beans
are good. They're not summer."

"This restaurant should
only be open in June."

-No, the beans are fantastic.
-[David] Thank you.

I mean, you don't have to be
dressed as a cougar.

You could just go as a, you know, Yelper.

-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-[laughter]

Sometimes-- sometimes they're one
and the same.

[laughter]

[Chris] Chang, what do you think, so I
mean, just looking at the chopstick usage

-can you give us any color commentary?
-[David] Well, I'm looking at Rachel.

Rachel actually has good basic technique.

[Chris] And she's holding them very high.

-[David] Proper.
-Is that the right way to hold it?

[Chris] That's impressive.
It's harder to hold 'em-- Yeah.

That's a little more of a Fortune look.

-This is harder.
-I stabbed my bean.

[laughter]

But you know, if this was like
Hunger Games,

and I had to give them a rating,

-7.2.
-[Chris] Oh!

-That's nice.
-5.1.

Oh! Come on, Dave!

They give ratings in the Hunger Games?

Yeah!

And I'm a cougar.
I don’t' have long to live.

[laughter]

[Chris] Death, let me eat my beans.

-That's a good one.
-It was the original title.

[Chris laughing]

-[Chris] How's the popcorn popping?
-Good.

Since it's a live show
I'm already mad at myself

'cause I was supposed to start this
about five minutes ago.

[all laughing]

God dammit.

This is great.

Wow.

Are you guys-- when you go to the movies,

is it always popcorn?

What's your snack game
at the movie theater?

-Junior Mints.
-[Chris] Junior Mints.

-Junior Mints.
-[Chris] Strong move.

Underrated, I feel.

Underrated and controversial, I think.

[Chris] I like a frozen Junior Mint.

-Ooh, I've never had that.
-I've done the frozen Girl Scout--

I never had a Junior Mint
until the Seinfeld episode.

-[Fortune] Oh.
-Truly.

And then that inspired you.

And then I was like,
these are pretty g*dd*mn good.

Yeah. I like popcorn, and then add
some kind of like,

-M&M or Peanut M&M in the popcorn.
-[Chris] Into the bucket?

[Chris] Yeah. Another strong move.

That's why I love doing shows at--
There's this theater, Dynasty Typewriter,

where they give popcorn with add-ins.

The mix-ins. M&M, Reese's Pieces.

[Rachel] Wow! Look at that.

I've seen popcorn pop before.
I don't know what I'm--

-[Chris laughing]
-That's amazing

Because I'm running out of time,
I have to like, cheat this somehow,

-and it's not working out.
-[Fortune] I've never seen it in a pot.

Can I ask, do you guys like butter on your
popcorn when you go to a movie theater?

-Oh, yeah!
-[David] Okay.

Come on now.

[David] I mean, let me add--

[Fortune] Do we have to
eat this with chopsticks?

-[Rachel] Oh, yeah.
-[Chris] Holy moly.

-[Fortune] Whoa.
-[Rachel] Oh, man.

Whoa!

You guys always have to get
a beverage with your popcorn, right?

Oh, yeah! Whoa, what is that?

-[laughter]
-[Fortune] What is that?

[Rachel] Is that Sprite?

-Water.
-[popcorn sizzles]

What's happening?

[Chris] That is criminal, man!

Oh my gosh, is this--
are we eating wet popcorn?

-[laughter]
-[David] Look at your face.

[Fortune] I've never--

I've never purposely eaten wet popcorn.

I mentioned that I might make
a popcorn soup.

-[Rachel] Oh, yeah.
-[Fortune] What?

I like anything as a soup.

I did like that you thought
that was Sprite.

A Sprite--

And I was excited-- I'm disgusting,
I was really excited.

[Fortune] Oh my God!

You know what wet popcorn is, it's like
when you're sharing with a lover,

and they get their drool
all over the popcorn,

and then you're eating
someone else's drool.

-[laughter]
-Yeah, yeah.

-That's what-- That's love.
-That's love. True love.

And you eat it because you're like, "Oh,
it's them. They're gonna be in my tummy."

-You know.
-[Chris] Totally relatable.

We've all been there, right?

I would have tried the popcorn
before it turned to soup.

-[laughter]
-Just so you know.

Dude, I'm excited about this.

Can you assure our guests
that this is not a stunt,

this dish is from a real place
of deliciousness?

This stunt is not a stunt,
it is an actual dish.

We're gonna take it from
our good buddy Daniel Patterson,

who, when he was at Coi,
a three Michelin star restaurant,

he had a dish called popcorn grits.

Our other good friend,
Sean Brock in Nashville,

had a dish that was sort of popcorn
grits-y as well.

[Fortune] What's that?

So this is a big blender.

A fancy blender.

Wow.

[whirring]

And I refuse to give it a shout-out,

because we've talked about it so much
on this-- [laughs]

-but it's great.
-It's a robot.

Wow.

It really-- it's just a blender that heats
and can blend at the same time.

-[Fortune] Nice.
-[Rachel] Wow.

[Chris] So it's just water,
butter, popcorn?

Yes. So if you think about it,

this looks crazy, but it's not that crazy,

because if I was gonna give you polenta,
which would be what?

Dried corn.

Dried corn. It would be dried corn.

But this actually has um--

[laughter]

-Dried corn.
-Dried corn.

-[Chris] Thank you for-- [laughs]
-It actually looks really good.

-That looks great.
-[David] This has elements of corn…

-[Fortune] Oh, that smells so good!

…clearly, but because of the oils
and because we popped it,

it's gonna taste like popcorn too.

So while it looks crazy,
all the ingredients I'm gonna give you

are very similar to
a low-country shrimp and grits dish.

-[Fortune] Oh, yeah.
-[Rachel] Oh!

-[Fortune] Is that the shrimp?
-[David] Correct.

-Popcorn shrimp.
-Are you a grits person?

-Are you a grits person?
-So it's popcorn shrimp,

-with popcorn soup or grits.
-And that's how you do it.

That's how you make a dish.

That was meant to be cute
but no one laughed, so.

That was very cute.

-And that's how you do it.
-And that's how you make a dish.

That's how you make a dish.

While David is pushing this popcorn
through the strainer--

[David & Fortune] Whoa.

Obviously we're big fans
of Squid Game around here.

[David] I don't really like it
when you change outfits right now.

-It's terrifying.
-Keep you on your toes, man.

We like to play games on this show.

-[Fortune] Yeah!
-[Chris] And we've got a little game

that's gonna be important.

The stakes are gonna be
very high down the road.

Uh-- [laughs]

[David] Yeah,
we didn't hear anything you said.

I'm-- I'm gonna pass out in here.

I'm sure you guys
played this game as kids.

It's a very popular game.
It's called Chopstick Candy Grab Grab.

I don't know what you guys called it
where you lived.

Chopstick Candy Grab Grab?

-Chopstick Candy Grab Grab.
-Yeah, that is a childhood fave.

[laughter]

[Chris] So Mandy, if you could
please bring out the candy?

-Ooh, yeah!
-I like that they're Christmas colors.

[Chris] You're each going to
get a bowl of candy.

And in the center, a little dish.

All right.

[Chris] So, Rachel,
you're gonna be team red.

Oh!

-[Chris] Fortune.
-I guess I'm green.

-[Chris] You're team green.
-Yes.

The game is very simple.

You're gonna try to move
as many of your color into that bowl

as you can in 60 seconds.

And this is why Dave wanted you
to practice with the chopsticks,

-but this is also very important…
-[Rachel] Oh, yeah.

…for this show and your meal.
This will have--

[Fortune] Oh, no,
you're not gonna let me eat.

-[David] And your future in general.
-If I don't win, I don't get to eat?

[David] We're not saying that.

-We're not saying that.
-[Chris] You can remove the--

Listen, it's one of the most
crucial things you could decide upon.

Oh, okay.

[Chris] So let's put
60 seconds on our clock.

-If we can.
-Red. Yeah, okay.

[Chris] And when I say go…

-Rachel, you're moving red.
-Yep.

-[Chris] Fortune, you're moving green.
-Okay.

[Chris] On your marks, get set, go.

[tense music]

[Fortune] Oh, no!

[Chris] They only count
if they're in the bowl.

[Fortune] Well,
you should've specified that first.

[Chris] We've got one of each in there.
Now we've got two green.

-[Rachel grunts]
-I just wanted to get them out of my bowl.

[Chris] It looks like
it's a very tight match.

You've got 40 seconds left to go.

Four green, three red.

[laughter]

Can I do two-- Okay.

I guess there's no…

Guys, this is very important.
Do not screw this up.

[Chris] 25 seconds left.

If I don't get to eat, I will be so sad.

[laughter]

There is no greater motivation.

[Chris] Rachel trying to
pull off a scoop move.

[Fortune] Oh, a scoop move.

-[Rachel] Oh, okay.
-[Chris] Ten seconds.

[both exclaiming]

-[Chris] Eight, seven, six…
-[cheering]

…five, four, three, two, one.

-[buzzer blares]
-Chopsticks down, chopsticks down!

-[grunting]
-[applause]

-[Chris] If I may have a look here.
-[Fortune] I can't.

I'm already in menopause.

[Chris] One, two, three, four, five, six,
seven, eight, nine. That's ten red to…

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven,
eight, nine, ten, eleven to twelve green.

-[Fortune] Oh.
-[Rachel screams]

Yes!

-[David] Who won, who won?
-It was a formidable fight.

That was really good.
You have glitter on your hands.

-[Chris] That means Fortune…
-Oh, I do? Look at that.

[Chris] …is the winner of tonight's
Chopstick Candy Grab Grab.

Oh, my God.

[cheering, applause]

We'll find out in a little while
what that means--.

Gotta say, Rachel,
I'm a little disappointed.

-We did not want Fortune to win today.
-[Fortune] Oh, no!

-[laughter]
-I really didn't think I was going to.

I know, I was told that by the booker.

-[laughing]
-Don't let Fortune win today.

[Chris] Fortune, that means
you're gonna have a choice to make

-down the road.
-[Fortune] Oh, no. Okay.

Because Netflix loves you guys so much,

they said, "Hey, Uncle Ted,
we should increase the food budget."

[Fortune & Rachel] Uncle Ted.

[David] So, to this popcorn soup/grits,

I added some truffle butter.

-Whoa. [gasps]
-And these are some-- Smell that.

-That looks like fancy…
-Wow.

[David] White truffles in the middle.

That's expensive. Just so you know.

That's a lot of money in this bowl.

[David] It is a lot of money in this bowl.
But you guys are worth it.

[Rachel] Oh, okay, now we can use a spoon.

[David] You guys are worth it.

There are all truffles found by pigs?

-Sometimes dogs.
-[Rachel] Dogs?

-Sometimes Chris Ying.
-[laughter]

[sniffing]

-Oh, man. This is--
-Oh, my gosh, this looks awesome.

-This is very good.
-[David] But, um--

-[Rachel] Oh, damn!
-Right?

-That's so good.
-Mmm. It's so rich.

Like these truffles.

[laughter]

-This is really good.
-[Chris] See? He didn't ruin the popcorn.

-[David] What do you think?
-[Fortune] This is really good.

-This is so good.
-It's very unique.

I've never tasted anything like this.

[Chris] That is a lot of truffle,
Mr. Chang.

-[David] What?
-[Chris] That's a lot of truffle.

[David] It's a lot of truffle.
I won't tell you how much.

But why is it not too rich?
Is it 'cause of the greens in it?

Like, there's something that--
it's not overwhelmingly rich.

-Uh, it's because you're eating it.
-[laughter]

No, I don't think it's that rich
because it's not that much, actually.

-In terms of--
-[Fortune] Okay, yeah.

-So what we have here is…
-[Rachel] Oh, my God. Wow.

This is the first time ever that I've
cooked something in vacuum, in sous vide.

Not that I'm opposed to it,
but because of the show,

it actually allows me to cook
a little bit more quickly.

It's your first time ever
doing a sous vide thing?

-[David] Yeah.
-Wow.

-Because I sort of hate it. [laughs]
-Why do you hate it?

I don't hate it. It's just--

It's a wonderful tool to have.
I-- Truly. Every restaurant does it.

I just think that it got
a little out of control.

-In terms of the popularity of it.
-Do you think it's, like, cheating,

or it's just, like,
not all it's hyped up to be?

[David] No, it's a great tool.

It's just not the only thing.

-Only way to cook.
-It's like a butter mushroom.

-Mmm! Yummy.
-[laughter]

[Chris] You guys are both
married comedians.

Is there ever-- is there material
that you and your partners have

that is off-limits when
you're doing a stand-up special?

Is there anything, rules or…

Oh, man. Like, honestly,
I don't know what is going on over there.

[laughter]

[Rachel]
This is the most normal one so far.

Did my human makeup come off?
Am I just the cat self?

You look like an S&M cat.

[laughter]

Like, you're-- [laughs]

Um, off-limits.

Uh… I mean, for me,
I kind of know where the line is.

I feel like I-- Like,
occasionally my mom or my wife

will be like, "I don't know about that."

And I'll-- I'll just walk it back.

I check in with my husband,
but my husband's also a comedian,

so we check in with each other
about things, but he's pretty lenient.

I mean, I-- I used to--
Part of the special, it lifted out,

but part of me was telling the story
of how we conceived our daughter,

and I was like, "Can I tell?"
He was like, "Yeah, sure."

It just makes him look like a stallion.

[laughter]

-He's like, "If you want to."
-Yeah, it worked.

[Fortune laughs] Yeah.

-[Chris] Whoa, Mr. Chang.
-[Rachel] Wow.

[Fortune] Whoa, look at that.

What kind of meat is this?

This is A5 Miyazaki.

So cream of the crop Wagyu.

-[Fortune] Wow.
-[Rachel] What's-- So is A5--

So is it A1 to A5?

All I'm gonna say is this.
We'll talk about that later.

-Okay.
-Because whoever gets to eat this

can't share, there's no sharing.

-Well, that's not nice.
-[Rachel] What?

[Chris] What do you mean,
whoever gets to eat this?

[Fortune] That's a lot of meat.

Because, Chris, who won this challenge?

-Oh, that's not fair.
-Come on!

[Chris] So this dish
is called steak and eggs.

This is steak and eggs.
And I forgot, you have a brioche?

No, no. I don't deserve it.

-You do.
-No.

Rachel, don't give up. We'll all eat you.

-[laughter]
-Thank you! I affirmatively consent.

-Well, because, Rachel, you get--
-[Chris] Dave, Dave!

Hold on. She doesn't just get it.

[David] Oh. You're right, you're right,
you're right. Let me back this up.

-What if this is my own head?
-I don't--

-[Chris] You have a choice to make here.
-I forgot.

You're right, you're right, you're right.
Game Master, I'm so sorry.

-Do not punish me later.
-[Chris hissing]

[Fortune] Get it?
That was an S&M call there.

That's right, that's right.
There is a choice.

-[Fortune] Okay.
-You can have this,

or you can have what's in here.

Well, that's not nice.

-[Chris] It is not nice.
-[David] It is not nice.

I'm going with the Wagyu.

-You sure?
-Yeah, yeah.

Wait, what if you have
better Wagyu in there?

[laughter]

[Rachel] What I'm hoping
is that it's a new car.

[David] You have a choice.

-Sure you don't want what's in here?
-No, I want this.

-I don't like being tricked.
-The keys to a Mercedes.

Is there a couch in there?

You get this.

-Is it a bottle--
-This is a classic dish from Squid Game.

This is the grand finale meal
before they play the last game.

-[Rachel] Do I open it?
-Everybody wants a steak dinner.

[Fortune] Yeah. Everybody wants
a steak dinner before they die.

[David] You got eggs.

[laughter]

-Nice.
-Are they raw or cooked?

-[David] They're cooked.
-Great.

Oh, oh, oh. You passed the test.
You passed the test.

-[Rachel] Oh!
-[Fortune] You get a steak.

So we were waiting to see
if you were gonna complete--

[Rachel gasps] Is there steak in the eggs?
Sorry, I got really--

I thought that was gonna be like a--

-[David] No, no, no.
-There's more Wagyu.

No, no, no. We wanted to see…

I'm gonna share my steak.

Chris Yang, the Game Master, wanted to see
in the Willy Wonka type of way,

if you were gonna just
throw a temper tantrum

and be like, "I'm not gonna eat that.
That's lame."

[Rachel] That would've been insane.

-That's not how Rachel rolls. Yeah.
-No, I'm a people pleaser.

-[laughter]
-'Cause I want everyone to like me

-and eventually eat me, clearly.
-[David laughs]

[David] So…

If this egg-- I feel like this egg's
gonna have money in it or something.

[Fortune]
Is there a diamond ring in this egg?

[Rachel] There's something in this egg.

Fortune, you chose the steak,
so you should enjoy your steak.

-[Rachel] Something's in this egg.
-You guys!

-What is in this egg?
-She's so pissed.

Is there a ring in there?
Are you asking Rachel…

-[laughter]
-Oh, I'm gonna go with that egg.

Well, I'm gonna share my steak with her.

[David] I told you that…

[laughter]

[Chris] Rachel's still waiting
for steak to come out of there.

Question is,
is Rachel gonna share with you?

[Fortune] Oh, that is a good question.

[Chris] What is happening here, Dave?
Talk to us.

[Fortune] Is that sauerkraut?

[David] So this is a dish that I made
years ago when we opened up Ko

-in the East Village.
-Ooh, you're gonna be pumped about this.

And it's a soubise of eggs.

-Soubise of onions.
-[Rachel] Mmm.

Eggs, purple sweet potato vinegar.

And also, you might wanna
eat that with a little wasabi.

-Am I supposed to eat it like this?
-You could if you want to.

Yeah. Go for it.

Yes, that is how-- oh my God.

It's very-- I'm gonna get utensils,
everyone, calm down.

You know what, it's nice to be-- it's nice
to be present at the inception of a meme.

-[laughing]
-'Cause that's-- I just.

That's really good,
you do have to try that.

[Rachel] Oh, I'm 100% trying.

You can have whatever's going on here.

Uh, I wouldn't be so quick to share.

Oh? Oh…

So this is a dish that I made.

It's soubise.

[Rachel] That's so much caviar.

[David] Egg and egg with a smidge
of caviar.

With a sweet potato purple vinegar.

So it's a play on like
a French red wine braised egg.

[Fortune & Rachel] Whoa!

Sweet, sour,

fines herbs of parsley, chervil, chives.

[Rachel] What's chervil?

And… caviar.

You're rich.

[laughing]

All right, all right,
I'll make you one too.

-[Fortune] What?
-[Rachel] Whoa.

-I'm sharing my meat as well.
-[laughing]

I'm gonna try this first,
then I'm gonna take a big hunk of that.

[Fortune] How else are we gonna
break through the glass ceiling

without helping each other?

[David] You guys can use real--
you should use…

-the chop-- Rachel.
-[Rachel] Oh.

[Fortune] Wait, this is a--
oh, this is a baby fork.

I need a big fork.

[Rachel] Let's see.

This is just so good.

I got to say,
we planned a lot of bits today

that I messed up the timing on
just about every one.

-[laughing]
-Nah, it's been good.

Was that egg supposed
to be filled with money?

-No, but, uh…
-That would have been cool.

…this is still going to be good.

And at the end of the day, we just
wanted you guys to have something tasty.

Wow, this is so good.

Oh, thank you.

Mm.

-Mmm.
-Mm.

-[Fortune] Mmm! Mm!
-Wow, mm.

-Mm!
-Damn.

[Rachel] This is like
the most tender meat ever.

It's so good.

[David] It's literally,
it's very pampered--

I'm just gonna do it your style.

Get it, get it.

-Mm-hmm.
-Oh, my God.

[Fortune] Yeah.

[Chris] Dave, you think this is your…

favorite dish that you have come up with?

Right?

Eyes rolled back in the head.

I'm trying to make--
I'm trying to make another meme.

[David] So many memes, I mean.

-Oh my God.
-Oh my God,

today-- today at school was like.

-[groaning]
-[laughing]

That's for you, Gen Z, use it.

[David] And a little surf and turf, so.

-What?
-Ultimately--

I don't think I've had caviar before.

Oh, on the steak?

-Yeah.
-What's it taste like?

So last time you were here, Fortune…

[Chris] Oh, my God.

…last time you were here,
Fortune, you had lobster.

You had lobster and steak.

-[Fortune] Did that have caviar?
-No.

But this is a different kind
of surf and turf.

-Yeah.
-It's caviar. So it's surf and turf.

[both] Wow.

[Rachel] Should I use a fork?
Is this disgusting?

No, I appreciate you went the way,
path of least resistance.

Let's just go.

Look at the-- ah!

Oh, my God.

[Chris] This is truly incredible.

That's a party.

Wow, that's so good.

And it actually is a pleasant
pairing, right?

So it's-- it's--
it's actually very soft.

It's cooked through, but it adds
a lot of salinity to the steak itself.

I would never,
in a million years, order this,

'cause I'm just like, not as adventurous.

And this is so freaking good.

Take some spoons out of the side.

This is what I love about eating here.

I get out of my comfort zone
and try all these amazing things.

And it's very good to dip
the Parker House rolls in this.

-[Rachel] Yeah, it is.
-It's so good.

Dave, you were saying like the--
the salinity of the caviar

goes really nicely with the steak.

Why do you think that
those work well together?

[Fortune] Oh my God, that's so good.

Honestly, Chris, I was just saying that.

I forgot you would
ask me a question in return.

You were just happy
to think of the word salinity.

I was like, "good job, Dave. Yes!"

[laughing]

We're waiting.

[David] Yeah.

-This is great.
-I think it looks perverse in a good way.

And again, there's some--
there's-- you eat with your eyes.

There's something about that,
that seems wrong, clearly.

But this is also a celebration.

It's the holiday edition
of Dinner Time Live.

And you guys are some
of our most favorite guests.

So we're going to give you guys

a bigger budget of more luxurious
ingredients than most of our other guests.

-So sorry, other guests.
-Oh…

Yeah, we always judge how, like,

-we judge our guests as eaters.
-You guys deserve it.

These are like A-plus eaters, I feel like.

A-plus eaters.

No-- no problems.

You guys--
you guys are our ideal guests here.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

But-- but honestly, this is like,
you don't eat like this every day.

-No.
-This is a celebration.

And it is a holiday season.
So we wanted to bring out the extra g*ns.

-Uncle Ted gave us permission to--
-[Fortune] This is amazing.

Wow. How much do we owe you?

-[laughing]
-It's so good.

Oh, well, thank you for this.

This is a treat for sure.

You've really earned this pizza costume.

[Chris] The pizza costume is making it.

The dance in the pizza costume
is really making it.

It's really-- it's really working.

Gen Z, here's a meme for you.

-I put some of my steak in here too.
-Speaking of memes,

we put out a call before this episode
to our audience

to send in their food-related
Halloween costumes.

Rachel came fully loaded for this.

We got a bunch of submissions actually,
and we've got a few favorites.

While Dave starts in on dessert,

maybe we can take a look
at some of these photos

our fans sent in.

So this person was
insanely quick to send this in.

I don't really know why
this happened so quickly.

I don't like this.

[Chris] This grape person
really went for it.

[Fortune] The center of
a grape isn't black.

[Chris laughing]

[Chris] Uh, but we have
some cuter ones too.

-Let's see what else we got here.
-[Rachel] Let's see the cute one.

Look, a little baby
Dave Chang in the making.

This is too cute. Come on.

[David] Not cute enough.

[Chris] Not cute enough.
Well, how about this one then, Dave?

Check out this little dumpling baby.

[David] That's very cute.

[David] No, both those babies,
very cute. Very cute.

[Chris] We also had a super fan,
I think…

Fortuneh from Los Angeles
sent this one in.

-I don't know--
-[Rachel] Yeah!

[David] That's just Fortune Feimster
dressed as a sundae.

[David] Hey, I had to take
a bite of the steak.

-It's so good.
-It's freakin' f*cking crazy good.

[Fortune] It's so good.

So A5 is the best steak? Sorry.

It is the highest level quality,
and wagyu gets thrown around a lot,

but wagyu literally
just means Japanese cow.

We won't get into
the specifics of it today.

Just know that it is costly, but it is
also extremely tender and delicious.

It's probably the only
few times I do like a filet.

Um, but when we cooked it,

when we cook in vacuum,
that's what sous vide means, right?

And we cooked it at 62 Celsius--
no, 57 Celsius…

for about an hour
in some garlic, thyme, butter.

And then we seared it off.

I also used a Dave Arnold Searzall
to get the sides.

And what else?

Yeah, the soubise
we cooked in the Anyday Microwave.

I just put two onions, butter, and
the microwave is basically just a steamer.

So I like to--

[Rachel] You cooked which in the Anyday?

-These onions.
-The wagyu.

-[David] No, no, no.
-These onions.

[Chris laughing]

Those onions.

-The wagyu microwave.
-Traditionally soubise is pureed.

I like it sort of roughly chopped

because this is supposed to act
as a nest for the egg itself.

This dish is something I came up with
when I was like 29 years old.

And I was probably ingesting a lot
of things back then because there's

no way I could come up with
a dish like this today.

Um, I do have one more costume

and it explains this particular guest
pairing here we have because Fortune,

you're not the only one who believes in
a couple's costume with your small dog.

Rachel also subscribes
to this system, I believe.

-[Chris] So…
-[Fortune] So cute.

[David] Very nice, guys.

-What is the story there, Rachel?
-I really burned her.

What's the story behind this costume?

The story behind this costume
is I wanna look like my dog.

[laughing]

-[Rachel] Uh…
-[Chris] Success.

It was-- yeah, I mean,
I just love my dog so much

and I admire her and I'm wearing,
I think, her actual collar.

[all laughing]

And I just wanna be her.

I'm also looking at this picture and
realizing how bad my lawn has gotten

in the past six years

because my lawn looks so full and lush
and now it looks terrible

and I'm really concerned
there's some sort of

chemical infestation now.

-Oh no.
-[David] Oh no's right.

-I'm having a hard time--
-My husband's back there.

-Are you seeing this?
-[Dan] We're in trouble.

-We're in trouble.
-[Fortune] Aww.

[Chris] What's happening there, Mr. Chang?

We seem to be having
some technical difficulties.

Having some technical difficulties.
Go away, cut away.

[Fortune] I forgot to eat my vegetables.

[Rachel] Also, I am drunk.

[Fortune] Are you?

I have very--
I always had a low tolerance.

Ever since I had my daughter,
I've become even more low tolerance. I'm--

I'm… hammered.

-[Fortune] Amazing.
-Incompa--

-I'm hammered.
-All right.

What's gonna happen?

[Rachel] I already talked about
eating people,

so I don't know how much lower we can go.

You guys want some melted caramel?

[Fortune] Uh, yes, please.

Come on now.

-[Chris] Oh, my gosh.
-[Fortune] Oh, my gosh.

[Rachel] It reminds me of that toy
as a kid, when you'd press on the skull

-and the slime would come out.
-[Fortune] Oh, yeah.

And some fudge.

Let's get some fudge in there.

Oh, my, you're wasting it
on the mannequin.

[laughing]

Oh, my God.

The skull's getting too much fudge.

-Now can we eat the skull?
-I'm kidding.

Whoa, it's a big old sundae.

Sundae fun day.

Oh, my God.

Whoa.

Did you guys eat banana splits growing up?

-Why was that a thing?
-I don't think it's a good thing.

-Do you guys think it's a good thing?
-I don't like banana in my ice cream.

Honestly, that should have been this dish
'cause that, I think, is a nightmare dish.

-[Chris] That's a nightmare as well.
-You don't think the pairing works?

It doesn't pair at all.

-Much like pineapple and pizza.
-Banana and ice cream?

The heart wants what the heart…

May I serve you?

Sure, yeah.

I'm sure I'm getting a bunch
of hate mail, like,

pineapple on pizza's great,
but it's okay to be wrong.

But, you know, sweet and salty.
That's what I'm about.

There's other ways to get sweet and salty.

You don't have to put
a canned fruit on your pizza.

If that's the biggest disagreement
the internet has this week,

I think we're all the better for it.

[David] Let's hope for that.

[Fortune] There you go.

[Chris] It's gonna be smooth sailing.

[Rachel] Oh, no.
Pineapple on pizza, that's the biggest--

I'm gonna roll out of here.

-I've never eaten this much caviar ever.
-Wow.

-Fortune--
-Or truffles.

Listen, you guys are worth it.
Congrats.

-Can't wait to see your specials.
-Thank you, Dave.

And thank you guys for coming again.

Rachel, hopefully you can join us again
on this crazy show that we have here.

-[Rachel] I'll come every week.
-Thank you for dressing up.

[Chris] Thank you to our fans
for sending in all their submissions.

This guy's the VIP.

How many outfits today?

[Fortune] Woo!

What? Something's hitting my leg.

Do I have a tail?

[David laughing]

[Rachel] Wow, thank you.

[David] Thank you, guys.

-[Fortune] Incredible.
-Crazy.

Wow. Another incredible show.

[theme music]