01x02 - The O in Ghost

[bunniefuu]

(eerie electronic music)

[Natalia] Do you sense anything?

[Jeremy] Oh yeah,

definite ghost presence.

But it's trying its
best to hide right now.

And you said that there are
sounds coming from the wall?

[Natalia] Yeah,

and the lights go out a lot.

That's Quinn,

my ex.

[Jeremy] Hmm, she's cute.

[Daniel] Hey,

that's Bentley's Book of Lost Creatures.

I love this one!

Me too!

Extinct magical rings are

kind of my hobby.

I knew I liked you.

Let's see, let's see, let's see.

Manticore,

Narnian lion.

Oh, phoenix.

This is a divination crystal.

Hang on,

are you a witch?

Hmm,

more of an aspiring witch.

But, I do have a cool trick.

You wanna see?

[Jeremy] Yeah.

Okay. It doesn't work
perfectly, every time, but.

(Eerie music)

(Foreign language)

Whoa,

the force is strong with this one.

That was awesome.

(movement overhead)

That's it, that's the knocks.

There's something here.

I feel it too.

Okay.

Now I'm scared.

No,

it's all right.

Ghosts tend to come out of the woodwork

when there's magic being used.

So how do we get rid of it?

We have

an Anubis orb.

It's a magical object
that can contain a spirit

if it comes to that.

A lot of ghosts can be
reasoned with if we can just

get them to talk to us.

We'll need to draw it out further.

Set some bait.

Oh,

you can do a tarot reading on me!

That mojo should bring it out.

All right.

Um,

before we get too deep into...

this...

do you mind if I use your restroom?

Oh, it's over there.

Okay.

So cut the deck.

(urinating sound)

(scary music)

Oh,

hey, ghost

lady.

This is nice.

What do you call this?

Negligee?

Oh, no.

Don't, oh,

and we're doing--

Oh, yep!

We are

doing this.

This card represents a new idea

or people that could help you grow.

What is it?

Is there something behind me?

Is it a ghost?

What does it look like?

Well...

Oh, Jesus.

Rotting corpse, right? Maggots
in the eyeballs and stuff?

Yeah.

Help

me

finish.

Finish what?

(Eerie music)

Okay, that was weird.

Oh,

sh*t.

Oh,

okay,

okay I'm close.

Hey!

Where did you go?

I was close!

Dude

I just connected with an apparition.

Yeah.

Me too.

You,

okay?

Yeah, I'm just a little uncomfortable.

I know that face.

That's blue-ba*ls face.

Hey now.

Let me guess, a ghost
woman almost got you off.

And then vanished.

How in the hell did you know that?

She does it to me all the time.

Excuse me!

You didn't think about

mentioning this earlier?

Sorry.

I guess I was too
embarrassed to tell you guys.

But, since it happened to you...

Oh,

great.

Wait,

you just hooked up with a ghost?

Like you never hooked
up with a ghost before.

So,

you're being haunted

by a ghost

who edges you.

It's L.A. Nothing surprises me.

Although it is, a little frustrating.

There was a male ghost too.

And did you hook up with him?

No, I did not hook up with him!

But he did say something to me.

What?

Help me finish.

Which in context makes a bit more sense.

Let's reach out to them.

(suspenseful music)

I--, I'm getting static.

Me too.

What do you mean by static?

We're trying to
communicate with the ghost.

But one or both of them
is blocking our power.

Which is a super d*ck move by the way.

But I got an idea.

Natalia.

The divination crystal.

Can you go grab it?

Sure.

Oh,

oh, sh*t.

What?

Oh god, it's happening.

What's happening?

You know?

Is the ghost

diddling you right now?

Maybe!

Oh, f*ck.

So,

that's what female pleasure looks like.

Guys,

a little help!

Oh.

Are you feeling this?

Yep.

Boy, she's got a,
good reach huh?

Okay.

The crystal should
boost our power enough,

so we can force communication with her.

Can you grab it?

Um,

Oh, my god.

Oh,

Oh, that was great.

Wait, are you serious?

(giggling)

I'm gonna go wipe off my d*ck!

We need to have talk about this.

Talk about what?

Sex isn't over just because you finished.

In the year we've been together,

I haven't gotten off once,

and I'm sick of it.

Well, what do you want
me to do about that?

Well, you could pay little attention to

my needs for starters.

You know the female orgasm's

a myth anyway.

Are you f*cking serious?

Think fast!

(giggles)

(woman shouting)

(g*n sh**ting)

So you k*lled him,

and then what?

Turned the g*n on yourself?

What?

God!

No, no.

I waited and dumped the body

no sweat,

but then a week later,

I was installing my AC and

I tripped

and it fell on my head, so

unfortunate.

So, you figured

if you were gonna be frustrated in life

you were gonna make sure
everyone else was too, huh?

It was kind of funny.

Yeah not to me, you shot me!

I mean, in her defense you
kind of had coming dude,

but

why did you stay?

You could have crossed over.

She's keeping me here somehow.

But how?

Because ghosts, they don't have

that kind of power.

Get me angry enough
and anything's possible

I guess.

All right. Well,

we sympathize,

but

you did k*ll a guy and are
now haunting our friend.

So,

two options.

You relinquish your hold on him,

and both of you move on to
the next plane of existence,

or...

you go into the orb.

I really hope you pick option number one.

So,

we got a deal?

Fine.

(eerie music)

(door knocking)

Natalia,

hey!

Don't tell me you've another

sexually frustrated ghost.

No.

I came to give you more money.

What?

Really?

Yeah, you guys really saved my a*s,

and I think you deserve
more for your troubles.

Also,

you're gonna need a little
more in petty cash

since you're gonna have to pay your

manager a small salary.

We, don't have a manager.

You do now.

You guys have really great service,

and more people need to know about it.

So, that's where I come in.

Look, Natalia.

We appreciate your enthusiasm

but we're really not looking for any--

Okay!

And you are hired.

Holy sh*t.

And

as my first official act

as your manager

I figure

I will finish the tarot reading.

Since your success now affects me too.

Ace of Wands,

that's good.

It means something will come along

to increase your power
of the world.

All right.

Leveling up.

Well maybe it'll be an aspiring witch

coming along to manage your company.

You stacked this deck, didn't you?

(giggle)

sh*t.

- What?
- What?

It's The Tower.

It means mayhem, disaster

and destruction, and

death.

(dramatic music)

So, that sucks.

(eerie music)