02x09 - No Good Seed Goes Unpunished

[bunniefuu]

[dogs screaming]

[ship crashes]

♪ Dig this
We're the last hope of the human race ♪

♪ Embark on a journey ♪

♪ Into outer space ♪

♪ Blast off, there's no going back
We're on our way ♪

♪ Dogs in Space! ♪

♪ Woo! ♪

♪ Dogs in Space! ♪

Take a good look at this face,
my fellow Shrubdub.

These dogs
are just like their human masters.

Boo!

They don't care what they destroy
in pursuit of their goals.

[growl]

We cannot allow their toxic pollen
to drift further on the galaxy's wind.

[growl]

It is our duty to nip them in the bud!

Who's with me?

[all] Yeah! Get that dog!

This isn't right.

Maybe it's just the buttprint thing again.

[grunts]

No! It still doesn't feel right.

It isn't wrong. You saved us, Captain.

Don't call me that!

Fine, uh, ranking superior.

-[sighs]
-I think I know what's bothering you.

Don't know if you do.

We all feel bad about Stella,

but has anyone won their badge,

lost it,
then won it back again like you have?

You truly earned this job.

Yeah! You deserve this, uh, Chief.

I know what I deserve.

And it isn't this chair!

Geez, Captain again for one minute

and all of a sudden
he deserves a better chair?

[chuckles] Captains, am I right?

Council! It wasn't Stella who screwed up!
It was, ah!

Well, as Head of the Council, I say...

Who cares what I have to say?

I'm a big dumb bureaucrat, right guys?

Ooh, I agree.
Also, I like to smash things.

Blah, blah, blah!

Eh, speaking as a snide, snarky so-and-so

with stupid, bubbly, dangly hair things,

I think if I can be a captain, so can you.

Stop it!

Heh, heh. Oh, your face.

[chuckles] Anyway, let me be first
to say congratulations, Captain.

Ooh.

Okay, just because I've always wanted
fireworks shaped like me

doesn't mean I'm not mad at you!

How could you do that to Stella?

Really easily.

It barely took any effort at all.
You're welcome.

Stella deserves to be captain.

And you, we took it from her.

-Where's the Council? I have to--
-Take responsibility?

Sure. What do you think'll happen then?

No more adventures,
no more being Chelsea's hero,

just tea room employee of the eternity.

At least I could hold my head high.

Agh, ugh.

This is what you wanted, to be a captain,

a hero who plays by his own rules,
then breaks those rules.

Not anymore. I used to think
if I wasn't captain, I was nothing.

-But that's not true.
-Yes, it is.

The more powerful you are,
the more adored you are, right guys?

[all] Absolutely. 100%.
Couldn't agree more. Affirmative.

You're not a good dog, Stardust.

-Ooh, that one hurt.
-Shut up.

[gasps]

Stella! I have to talk to you!

Garbage? I mean Captain.

There's only one captain in this elevator,
and it's not me.

-Ooh, is it me?
-What? Why would it be you?

Stella, there's something
you need to know.

You and Stardust did what?

-I didn't know he was going to--
-You betrayed me.

I trusted you, Garbage.

I put my neck out for you!

I messed up.
I should have told you about Stardust.

I'm trying to undo--

That's exactly your problem, Garbage.

You're always too busy trying to undo
your own mistakes to actually be helpful.

Oh snap!

This is a pattern of behavior: Kira,

the Creepicheeps,
getting turned into puppies,

-the Shrubdub, the...
-[elevator bell dings]

...Frockwisers!

You think all you have to do is say,
"Oops, I didn't mean to,"

and everything will be fine!

Ooh, she's slayin' you, dude.

Isn't it your floor yet?

Just give me a chance to--

No, you're out of chances.

After I straighten things out
with the Council,

I want you off my ship for good!

[whistles] Ooh, what happened in here?

-I'll show ya.
-[sighs]

Oh, this planet's feisty!

Humans are always fighting.

They'll fit in great. [chuckles]

Garbage would have loved this planet too.

Do you think Stella will ever forgive him
for the whole Stardust...

I'm sorry, I just... [cries]

Aww, Chonies! The rock feels bad for you!

I, uh... uh-oh!

-[chokes]
-Captain? Captain!

Huah! Agh!

-[grunts]
-Ah!

Nomi! Chonies! This crew can't afford
to have any more screw-ups.

-Focus.
-Stella's right.

Professionalism, people.

Ed, don't steal the rocks.

What? Why would I steal the rocks?

To start my own rock-fighting
gambling syndicate?

As if that would make me loads of money.

It would. It would make me loads of money.

[gasps] [grunts]

Huah! Puah! Yah!

This planet is too hostile,
even for humans.

I, we are not taking any risks
if we don't need to.

Uh, Captain?

Pepper, no!
I don’t care if it's 83% likely

that Nomi will win against the cloud.
We're not--

Hey there, crew.

[glugs]

You okay, Loaf?
These teas are supposed to be calming.

You should see me
without 10 to 12 of these in my system!

[hums]

Oh, so glad to have you back, champ.

Is there anyone
who has found their true calling,

lost it, and then found it again,
like you have?

You've truly earned this job.

I can't argue with that.

Huh?

[barks]

-Ah! My oolong!
-[gasps]

The M-Bark shields are down.

[growl]

-Ah!
-The Shrubdub!

[gasps] You barbarians.

You boil poor innocent leaves
and drink them?

[gasps] Look how many cups this one's had!

-[whimpers]
-[cups shatter]

-Let's get him!
-Yeah!

-[whimpers]
-[growls]

[shouts]

Fancy a cup of tea?

Main ingredient, you. Yah!

Ah! I'm steeping!

-[shouts]
-[grunts]

Barclay, that was amazing!

Please. I drink leaves like them
for English breakfast.

Garbage, is this payback
for destroying their seed vault?

Uh, maybe not.

Maybe it was just a rogue trio
of Shrubdub.

-[gasps]
-[shouting]

-Oh, wait, no. It's payback.
-[grunts]

-[laughs]
-Yeah, let's do it!

-Yeah, we're gonna get 'em. [grunts]
-Agh!

I'm sure we can de-escalate this situation

if we try to talk it... whoa!

[sighs] Well, I tried.

[shouts]

[grunts]

They don't teach you that at the dog show.

But they should.

[Shrubdub laughs]

-Ah! [grunts]
-[laughs]

[grunts]

-[shouts]
-[grunts]

Garbage! Help me carry him!

[whimpers]

Ah! [pants] [whimpers]

At least I could hold my head high.

Anyway, there you have it,

proof that I'm responsible for everything,
not Garbage.

So, any questions?

Uh, yes, why are we in rollercoaster cars?

Garbage liked it. Oh.

[all] Ugh!

So put him back on your crew,
and everyone will be friends again.

Great. I'll go tell him now.

No.

[growls]

Please. I gotta fix this.

I thought he wanted to be captain,
and now he hates me.

[cries]

[groans]

I can see you doing that, Nomi.

What does it feel like though?

Wow, even I don't care
about making Garbage like me this much.

Yeah, don't you have better things to do?

I thought you were some kinda
magic zodiac space wizard now.

Yeah, I were, I mean I was, uh, I am!

Definitely still am! [stutters]

Ugh, okay, fine,
you want to know the truth?

Every dog on the M-Bark
thinks I'm a, quote,

"selfish jerk with a God complex,"

just because I abandoned you all
to learn space magic.

Then the Zodiacolytes say I'm a, quote,

"selfish jerk with a God complex,"

just because I used their magic
to make aliens worship me.

The only one left in the universe
who still liked me was Garbage.

And now, he despises me.

It's not fair!

We have to get back out there.

You go.
I'll just screw things up even more.

Oh, come on.
You've been many things over the years:

arrogant, reckless, stupid.
But you know what else you've been?

Glory-hogging, vain,
completely self-centered.

Is this meant to be a pep talk?

[Happy] But I've never seen you give up.

Even when that's really annoying,

it's still the closest thing
you have to a good quality.

[sniffs, barks]

[growls, barks]

-[gasps] Ow! Thorny!
- [Shrubdub laughs]

A seed? Uh-oh.

Uh guys? I don't want to worry you,

but these can literally
tear the M-Bark apart.

Atlas, can you diffuse this?

Hmm.

-[all cheering]
-[Shrubdub laughs]

Sorry, don't have the hands
for ominous slow claps.

I'll just say it.

Congrats. One seed b*mb down, two to go.

[laughs]

Sorry, his laugh's really annoying.

We'll find the rest. Get the scent, boy.

-[sniffs, howls]
-Whoa!

-[laughs]
-Oh!

[barks]

No Jerry, it's not food time.

If we don't die,
I promise to let you loose in there

for 10 minutes, no questions asked.

Don't you understand?
I did this for Garbage.

I made him happy.

Actually, Garbage was way happier
before you came back.

Yeah, not being captain was good for him.

When he didn't feel like he had to
prove himself, he proved himself.

And you messed it up!

You're wrong.
I literally moved the stars for him!

You're a bad influence, Stardust.

So if you really care about him,
you'll stay out of his life for good.

Why, you impressive and commanding leader!

I ought to...

[sighs]

You lookin' for a god to worship?

I've been told I'm complex.

[sighs] Everyone okay?

-Good. Stella to Loaf, we're heading--
-[siren wailing]

Stella, Pluto crew,
the M-Bark, under attack,

Shrubdub everywhere.
I'm gaining new phobias!

Help!

[Shrubdub laughs]

Shrubdub? Nomi, step on it!

You're free! You're free!

[growls, grunts]

[laughs]

[barks]

[groans]

[laughs]

[shouts]

Get this to Atlas!

Come on, Jer! Let's find the last one!

[barks]

Jerry, I told you!

[gasps] Wait!

[shouts, groans]

-Loaf! The seed is in the diner!
-[whimpers]

[both laugh]

Not even my worst nightmares
prepared me for this.

What was the point in having them?

[shouts]

Ah! [pants] Okay, you're a dog,

just like Jerry, sort of.

If he can track things via smell,
so can you.

Mmm, curse my love for melted cheese.

[whimpers]

Well, if it's gonna be my last meal...

[whimpers] I did it! I found it!

I have really mixed feelings about this.

[Shrubdub] Everyone, get off the ship!
It's almost time.

-Humans stink.
-[all] Yeah.

[laughs]

Hooray! Ugh!

This is why I don't like leafy greens!

[grunts]

[screams]

Loaf! Catch!

Oh!

[screams]

[shouts]

You saved me!

Of course! You're my best customer.

Did Loaf just save the M-Bark?

He did.

He's a hero!

[all] Loaf! Loaf! Loaf! Loaf!

You saved the M-Bark too, Garb.

[sighs] It wouldn’t have needed saving
if it weren't for me.

Stella's right, I keep doing this.

-[grunts]
-Oh no, you don't.

Interrogation time.

[Garbage] It's okay, Duchess.

I know why they attacked us.

I broke into their--

Say goodbye to your tree-murdering planet.

Stella! It's the Shrubdub!
They're coming after Earth!

Pluto to all PET ships.
Follow that giant stick!

[alarm blaring]

Happy, where's your crew?

-Medical bay with Atlas. They got--
-Then we're your crew.

Everyone in!

Garbage! Get in here now!

Yes, Captain.

Okay, time to make things right or wrong.
Could go either way.

[outro theme music playing]