02x01 - Galactic Tactics

[bunniefuu]

Everyone get to the ship!

Uh! This is bad! How did I not realize
they could pass through metal?

I should have done more research.

Oh, it's okay, Captain.
Everyone makes mistakes.

Hey, remember when Garbage
left the Pluto unlocked?

Pfft. Which time?

Nope. This isn't that kind of mistake.

I can undo this.

Chonies, can you hack
the Pluto's controls through here?

-Yes, Captain.
-Good.

Ed, create a distraction.

Nomi, when I give the signal,
you go for the ship.

And, what would you like our
"Tactical Officer" to do?

Because, uh...

For the Pluto!

Okay, new plan. Save Loaf! Again!

Yeah!

-Argh!

I screwed up. I really screwed up,
didn't I? I'm so sorry, team.

Don't beat yourself up.

This is the first time in 12 missions
we had a near-death experience.

Yeah. That's a new record for the Pluto.

Garbage's record was zero.

He was so consistent.

Stella. I don't wanna be
Tactical Officer anymore!

I beg you, relieve me from duty!

Pfft. What?

No. You were so good at it.

I gotta say buddy, it's a real shame
to see you go back to Comms.

You thought I was good?

No. But your Comms replacement
was amazing!

Hey Rover. We're home lil' buddy.
Missed ya.

Ed, hmm, you're back.

And if you don't mind me saying so,
more dashing than ever.

I don't mind you saying so at all.

You did your best, Loaf.
And it's fine.

I am actually really close to choosing
our new Tactical Officer.

I have narrowed it down to 67 candidates.

Uh, at this rate, by the time
you make your choice,

there might not be
an Earth left to save.

This is my first big decision as Captain.
It has to be perf--

Whoa!

Hey! There you go, your top five.

I mean, I suppose we could interview.

So, tell me,

what skills do you have that
would make you a good Tactical Officer?

I've concocted this toughen-up tonic.

With me, your crew will be too muscle-y
to ever be defeated.

Ooh!

Ooh!

Nice. I feel amazing!

Uh, guys, lil' help.

-Whoa!
-Ahh!

I don't trust anyone.

And if you made me your Tactical Officer,
I wouldn't even trust you.

Yeah. I don't think
you're the right fit for our team.

Great. When do I start?

Is anybody else really weirded out

that he didn't wanna
go back to normal after the whole--

I vote "yes" to Jerry.

Hello, I am uh...

Garbage, please leave.

What? Garbage?

No, I am General Basura,
scourge of baddies everywhere.

And-- I miss you guys.

Aw.

Garbage, you know the Council
won't let you join a crew.

General Basura
will have his revenge for this.

See you later, Gar-- Basura.

Miss you too, not that we've met before.

Well, uh, four down, sixty-three to go.

Captain Stella, congrats on the promotion.
Long time coming.

Pepper, hi! Uh...

Team, this is Pepper.
She's Tactical Officer of the Neptune.

We trained together.

The Neptune. Yuck!

I heard your crew have
a perfect mission record. So dull!

I actually requested a transfer
from the Neptune.

You "requested a transfer," huh?

Sounds more like they found out
you faked your identity

and got caught pretending
to be the real ambassador of the Pluto

and you got fired.

What?

You abandoned your team?

Not the kinda thing we're looking for.

Can we circle back to General Basura?

Pepper, why would you leave
the Neptune for, well, us?

-Because of you.

Even back when we were training,
it was obvious you should be a captain.

Really? Oh, I don't...
I don't know about--

Plus, I've read commendable mission
reports about the rest of your crew.

Mm-hmm, well, that's thanks to me
forging Stella's reports.

Just one of the many benefits
of being on the Pluto.

-What?!
-What?

Regardless, with you at the helm,

I believe your past inefficiencies
can be made up for.

-Hey!
-I never.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Inefficiencies!

Your previous captain allowed his
savior complex to compromise your success.

The seed heist, defying suspension,
mandatory Captain Appreciation Day.

Captain Appreciation Day
was the best day of the dog year.

Sure. But, former Captain Garbage lets
impulsive emotions dictate his behavior.

I, General Basura, don't like
how she talks about your ex-captain.

Garbage, please!

Later, buddy.

-We still on for later?
-Bye, Garbage.

-Anyway--

I take a more... data-driven approach.

Analyze the environment, anticipate risks,

and provide my crew
with accurate tactical advice.

Can you give an example?

Yes. Everyone should duck under the table
in five seconds time.

-What, why?
-Now!

I'm afraid of
the undersides of tables.

There's nothing--

How did-- Did you rig this?

And if so, I'm impressed.

No. Like I said, risk analysis.

The waiter was carrying a stack of nachos.

Ninety seconds ago he took an order
from that table.

Ninety seconds,
optimum nacho-cheese melting time.

Everyone knows that.

Garbage's mustache landed
between the counter and the tables.

Based on the trajectory of his fall,

I was 81% certain the nachos would hit
one of us in the face.

In short, with me you could avoid mistakes
before you make them.

Captaining with no mistakes?

I wouldn't say this was a mistake.

How 'bout a trial mission?

Who am I kidding?

I won't get back on the Pluto
with a stupid disguise.

I'll get back on the Pluto
with a clever disguise!

Did you miss me, old girl?

What's wrong with my chair?

Oh, my butt-print's gone!

There you go.

Ugh. What have you done, Stella?

The feng shui is completely ruined.

-Chelsea, its me.

Captain Garbage, here in what's
definitely still my room.

Sorry it's been a few weeks.
I've been super-busy captaining.

Plus, everyone's still thanking me
for saving the M-Bark.

And, I'm like, enough already.

I know I'm a hero.

-Whoa!

They're here? Now?

I mean, of course they are. We are.
Okay, bye. Love ya.

The aliens here are known as The Bombus
and they are hostile.

We set one paw wrong and we're toast.

But, one glob of their honey could power
the whole M-Bark for six months.

So, worth the risk.

Let's sizzle these buzzkill.

Nomi, don't fire. If you sh**t one,
you'll wake the others.

But, I'll sh**t real quiet.

We should sneak past.
But, if they wake up and follow us...

Good point, Captain. I have an idea.

Pepper's a good choice, right?

General Basura would have let us
risk our lives unnecessarily.

Darn right, that's exactly what I'd do.

Garbage? Are you on the Pluto?

Uh, no.

This is General Basura. Wrong number. Bye.

General Basura?

Okay team, this way.

Captain, Bombus will be patrolling
the canyon.

If they trap us between the cliffs,

there's a 92% chance
we'll be ambushed and k*lled.

May I suggest this way?

That path doesn't seem very safe.

Well, the forest is riddled with

carnivorous, giant 20-legged spiders

-with poisonous breath.

But, according to my research,
they're very fussy eaters.

They only eat the local deer.

-Yum.

Uh, Pepper, the deer look
a lot like Chonies.

Mm-hmm, I know. Chonies is 98% likely
to have his face eaten this way.

-At least there's a two percent chance--
-The other two percent is death.

Picking us off one by one?
Uh, is m*rder why the Neptune fired you?

If we're taking a risk,
we're sharing the risk.

Canyon, it is.

Yes, Captain.

Please let this be
the right call.

I gotta make sure they're okay.

And also, I gotta check out
these Chonies deer.

We did it, we're through. Yes I--

Oh!

You saved my life.

Letting you die is no longer
a good tactical choice.

Yay?

Hey Pepper, I take it back.
The mushrooms were life-saving--

This is all my fault. I--

Huh. Where'd they go?

I have missed this.

Ow! That really hurt.

Whoa!

Ow!

Um, I was thinking maybe
or perhaps potentially,

we could uh, possibly--

I have an idea.

I wish I hadn't seen that.

Dive!

Uh-oh. That sounds bad.

Well, at least we have the fuel.
And their stingers can't-- Uh-oh.

Captain, if we surrender

there's a four percent chance
they would... not k*ll us.

There has to be a--

Wait, this stuff is basically rocket fuel,
right? And they're drinking it.

Yes, but if you sh**t them,
it'll cause an expl*sive chain reaction.

Our chance of survival of that
is also four percent.

Don't know. What to do? What do I do?
What do I do? What do I do?

Trust yourself, Stella.

Garbage, are you here?

No, I'm, uh, you know, your brain voice.
Mind ghost. Subconscious.

Oh, great. Just the voice I'd want
my subconscious to have.

Well, you just insulted yourself,
'cause I am your brain.

Anyway, you gotta trust your gut.
That's why you're captain.

Oh, Garbage trusted his gut
and now he's-- you're not a captain.

I'm not saying trust my gut.
I'm saying trust yours.

I believe in you.

And so does the crew. We always have.

Captain, what do we do?

-Ed!
-Whoa!

Huh?

Okay team, back to the ship.

Hey, Pep.

We just wanna say sorry
we didn't trust you before.

Uh, yeah, not that I ever trust anyone,
but I'll not trust you less.

And to be fair, you did suggest
we let spiders eat my face off.

But, then you also saved my life. So...

You made the right call, Captain.

-Uh-huh.
-Indeed.

Welcome to the team, Pepper.

-Hey, brain voice.
-Stella.

Hi. I was just, uh,
looking for the bathroom.

Don't you miss the old days

where you could do it anywhere,
as long as it was outside?

Not really.

Thank you, for believing in me.

You wanna join us at the diner?
It's taco night.

I'd love to but I'm two days late
for work. Gotta run.

You have a job?