Loathe Thy Neighbor (2025)

[bunniefuu]

I want to

disappear like the sun and the evening

Like the spider on my ceiling.

Like the words that I'm reading.

I watch you disappear

like you lost all feelings

Like you forgot the meaning.

Like you have just stopped breathing.

And I'm scared

for you to lose it all.

I do't know where to hold you anymore.

I don't know where to hold you anymore

And I'm scared

for you to lose it all.

I don't know where to hold you anymore

I don't know where to hold you anymore

I watch you fall apart

like a shirt ripped open.

Like a word that's floating.

Like a flower stopped growing.

And watch you fall apart

like a glass that's broken.

Like the end is spoken.

Like you can't stop smoking.

And I'm scared

for you to lose it all.

I don't know where to hold you anymore

I don't know where to hold you anymore

I'm going

before

the morning sun

trying to get out

as fast as I can.

'm going where the valleys

they have no end

I'm leaving all my worries

behind.

Hey, I'm your new neighbor Will.

Larkfield.

You gonna pollinate the plants?

What?

You look like a f*cking bumble bee.

Okay. Umm.

Did you happen to get a package for me

delivered to you house by any chance?

It's small. It's an EpiPen.

- Nope. - Wow.

That's a massive pumpkin.

Do't touch that.

It's an Atlantic Giant.

Took me four months to grow this baby.

I'm going to win $5,000

at the pumpkin weigh off.

I don't need your greasy fingers on it.

Hey, hey. I might be allergic.

To pumpkin?

Figures, yo'd have a

weak a*s immune system.

I meant the bees. I'm

not allergic to pumpkin.

I am allergic to peanuts, tree nuts,

dairy, shellfish, soy, gluten, latex.

Oh, and dust mites.

So I should probably play

it safe around the bees.

Although, I've never

actually been stung by one.

So.

There's wasp around here.

Big ones.

So you might want to stay inside.

Be better for both of us.

Okay, well, if you happen

to see my package,

could you please let me know?

It could potentially save my life.

Nice to meet you.

Come on.

Don't go in that yard.

Stay out of that yard.

Morning, beauties.

I's going to be a good day.

What the f*ck?

Time to whack, ladies.

Ok, well I don't have it. I even

checked with my neighbor.

How much would it be

to overnight another one?

My doctor said I should carry it with me

at all times.

I'm sorry, Mr. Larkfield.

With the current shortages,

we're only able to send

up one per customer.

Right. I don't even have the one

per customer you're referring to.

You have to contact the post office.

We cannot help you.

Okay. Thanks.

For nothing.

sh*t, there he is.

How you doing, chief? You settling in?

Joe.

Yeah. Hi. Uh.

I thought you were in my mail,

package I ordered went rogue.

Yeah, get used to that.

I'm still waiting on my

headlights magazine.

Into cars, huh?

Headlights, Will.

Got it.

You don't read headlights magazine?

I'm not big into,

magazines.

Oh, sh*t.

Flipping through that

was like a rite of passage

for me and your dad.

Hey, look about that, Will.

Sorry I didn't talk to

your more at the funeral.

I was, umm

Yeah.

Strongest man in the room.

Oh. You're dad. Me?

We f*cking ran this place.

This town.

And then he's the only schmuck

to ever get out of this place.

Make something of himself.

And that was just brutal.

The way that ended.

His career.

Yeah, he was a great guy.

Great guy.

And he did f*cking great

renovations around here.

Yeah.

I haven't been up here in

ages. It's completely different.

So, listen, did you get the

bank transfer for this week?

I did, I did.

Thank you. And if you could just

sh**t me another hundo, that'd be sweet.

The weed whacker went out on us,

and I don't want to bleed your inheritan

dry, but sh*t breaks around here.

This is my inheritance.

I'm paying you out of pocket.

Oh.

Okay.

Kind of figured the,

the old man would have left a

little something to pay old Joe.

No, he donated it all to some

sports concussion charity.

I guess he knew exactly

what I would do with this place

when he wrote it in the will.

Okay.

f*ck it.

If you gotta sell this place.

I'll be fine.

I always am,

but for now, it won't take care of itsel

Right.

The downstairs toilet's also broken.

Okay, so I usually hire someone for that

but umm,

since Daddy Warbucks left no bucks.

I got you.

Nice.

Okay.

Hey, here she is.

Daphne.

Ohh.

What you got for daddy, Daphne?

You know I hate it when

you call yourself daddy, Joe.

f*ck is this?

This doesn't look like my magazines.

Oh, aren't you a smarty?

Open it up, maybe there's

a bunch of magazines.

Is that what you're looking for?

You're k*lling me, Daph.

No, this is way too big.

Hey,

wait.

Did you deliver a

different package earlier?

A small one.

Average sized packages

are perfectly acceptable.

I need to find it.

It's an EpiPen from an online pharmacy.

Ooh, fancy.

You got sexy little allergies or somethi

Lots.

That sounds nutty.

Are you allergic to

oils?

Tree nuts?

LaTeX?

I have a lot of allergies.

Cool.

Look, this is not a joke.

I can't go without it.

And there's a shortage.

Okay, do't be an itchy bitchy

spider up my big Ole water spout.

I'm sure it's fine.

But if it's not, which I'm sure that it

you can always just,

you know,

make a report with the missing package

department or whatever or whatever.

Or whatever?

I mean, it's not lost. It's fine.

I have a perfect track record.

I'm five for five.

Five for five?

Mm-hmm

Actually, scratch that.

Make it six for six.

That's my famous package number six.

Have a nice day.

We do't know anything.

And our minds are filled

with silly dreams.

Kyle, my coffee's cold.

Hey Vince.

Hi, wow. Will, okay.

Hope you're all settled in the farm.

Yep. A few hiccups so far, but.

Yeah, well, you know,

I prefer you in office.

But I respect the company

policy of compassionate leave, so.

Yeah, I'm working.

I'm working remotely, but I'm still

working Vince, and I'm no longer on leav

Yeah, well, le's hope.

Now down to brass tacks.

You received the umbrella.

I did, it's just outside.

I was setting it up, you

know, get a good feel for it.

Okay, great. Now we need the

marketing assets by this Friday.

Has to go to print so I

can get the new packaging.

Friday?

Uh, It's Tuesday, Vince. It

doesn't give me very much time.

No no no no,

I don't want your problems, I

want to hear solutions, all right?

The clients. That's the deadline. We don

Okay, you will have it by EOD Friday.

End of day.

End the day doesn't

work, we have to have it

first thing in the morning. So the

client can get through approvals

Will. Will, you there?

- Hello? - Will, you're frozen.

f*ck.

Hey, Vince.

This a good idea, you moving out

wherever the f*ck this is?

Okay, yup. Yo're right, Vince.

You will have it by, first thing Friday.

Look out and see.

Darling growing so much love.

Hey.

There are bulls out there, you know?

Huh?

They charge when they see red.

You gunning to get maimed?

No, I'm writing about this for a client.

Like they give a sh*t.

Yeah great. I'll wear my

matador outfit next time.

You yuppies are all the same.

You just think you know everything.

Excuse me. Yuppie?

Is that supposed to be what,

an insult?

Don't get me started.

I'll roast you like a holiday ham.

All right. What is this?

Are you mad that I'm living next door?

Because it won't be for long.

Good.

Take Farmer Joe with you when you go.

Maybe I'll get some g*dd*mn

peace and quiet around here.

Let's go.

Look, let's start over.

I don't even know your name.

Seriously?

You're not even going to give me your na

You accused me of stealing your package.

And, you think I'm going

to give you my name?

I don't know you from a jar of germ meal

You probably report me to the cops.

The last thing 'd do is

give you my f*cking name.

Well, that certainly sounds

like a guilty admission of theft.

g*dd*mn it.

It's eight bucks a jar.

Sorry, alright. I'm not

trying to be a problem.

I don't really think you stole my packag

I just thought maybe you

thought it was for you by mistake.

So I asked.

Which suggests I'm dumb.

I can read.

And why on earth would I

want your shitty package?

How about a peace

offering, Basil? Do you cook?

Can make a nice marinara sauce.

Don't patronize me.

You think those herbs are

going to make us friends, dipshit?

Friends?

I don't want to be a friend, you old tro

I wouldn't take a dump

in your pathetic excuse of an herb garde

I'm not f*cking around, okay?

I can die without my EpiPen.

Come on.

See you, yuppie.

Can I help you?

Hi.

Who are you?

'm your new neighbor, Will.

Oh.

Okay. Yeah.

Uhh. I'm Val,

and I was never here.

So I guess you haven't seen my package.

Is that how you greet

every new girl you meet?

Sorry, I meant, a lost package. A delive

Should have been here by now.

I thought there was a bee.

I tend to be allergic to everything.

The're not going to sting

you out of nowhere, silly.

Really?

Yah, really.

Unless you f*ck with them.

So is your mom a honey farmer?

You could call her that, I guess.

Bee wrangler?

No, I meant call her my mom.

I don't even know her name.

It's Wanda.

But I'd steer clear of her.

She's a misanthrope of epic proportions.

Oh, yeah.

Well, I already figured that out.

Adorable and smart.

Well, city boy, I got to go

see a man about a horse.

You're buying a horse?

No.

But I wish I was selling one.

Anyway. Gotta hustle.

Yeah yeah. Don't let me keep you. 'll, u

see you around?

Yeah okay.

Hey, how did you know I was from the cit

Please.

We don't get hot guys like you around he

I'm gonna k*ll you, baby.

With my paintings on.

I'm gonna milk you, honey.

For the things that I want.

Gonna love you funny.

I'm gonna love you funny.

Joe, you really didn't have to

go to the trouble of making all this

I's country hospitality, Will.

Plus, there isn't sh*t to do around here

I'm kidding.

There's a great bikini

bar, like, 25 miles west.

Good beer on draft.

And they do a legs and

eggs brunch on Sundays,

If you want to join me.

Legs and eggs, huh?

'm not much of a bikini bar kind of guy.

But, thank you for the offer.

Oh. You betcha.

That Wanda women is um

bizarre.

Wanda's gonna Wanda.

She's, uh...

Anyways. Wanda and I get along just fine

although, there was one time where

she gave me sh*t cause she thought

one of our cows knocked down

her fence and sh*t in her yard.

One of our cows?

Yeah.

Thing is, it wasn't even cow sh*t, Will.

It was elk sh*t.

See the difference

between elk sh*t and cow sh*t

if you really get in there

Joe, 'm

w're eating.

Fine.

I will not tell you how I know the

difference between elk and cow sh*t.

Your loss.

Anyways, before I worked here,

I heard,

that her husband took

her for everything she had.

And then she threatened to

chop his pecker off with a machete.

Oh, yeah.

And the townspeople don't think much for

I don't think her honey business is

really having any luck staying afloat.

Doesn't seem like Valerie

likes her much either.

Who the f*ck is Valerie?

Her daughter.

Oh, mousy little brunette

with that sort of hippie vibe

that just keeps to herself.

Although.

No Earl.

Yeah, he says she's real firecrackers.

Always dropping and trying to

sell them sh*t at his pawn shop.

Oh, yeah. She's a firecracker, alright.

Sh's flirtin with me. I think.

Well, look at that

day g*dd*mn one.

And the chicks are already

chasing after you, brother.

I don't have the bandwidth

for a relationship right now.

Trust me.

That I can relate to.

Okay.

Real talk.

I decided to download a

dating app on my phone.

Uh-oh.

Right, so I matched with this chick.

Way the f*ck out in Green County.

I do not mind this.

I get there, she opens

the screen door, comes out

with a hog on a leash.

A hog?

Like a like an actual pig?

Listen, Will. Not a pig.

A hog.

125 pound hog.

This thing out a f*cking

belly like a bag of bread batter.

And I got lifted into the

back of my pickup truck,

and she calls it her

emotional support companion.

- Jesus - Wait it gets better,

we get out to the drive in for our date,

and the guy at the ticket booth

charges me one extra for the hog.

- No. - f*cking thing

Eats six buckets of popcorn.

I practically went broke on this date.

I need an emotional support hog myself.

Oh, no, you do not, Will.

No, you do not.

I damn near threw out my back.

f*ck!

This bed sucks.

What the f*ck was that?

What the f*ck?

Okay, okay.

Hello?

Wanda?

Is that you?

How do you know my name?

Valerie told me.

What the hell is going on?

Damn animals.

They get in my garden

and eat all my vegetables.

So you sh**t them?

Well, look, Wanda, I

don't want any trouble.

You woke me out of a dead sleep.

You know, you should be more careful

skulking around my yard

in the dark when I'm about to

blast the head off a mangy raccoon.

You are absolutely right.

Terrible idea. Awful of me.

I mean, who could blame me

if I accidentally blasted

the head of a punk

I thought was breaking and entering?

I won't fight you on that. Not one iota.

Thank you for the protection.

Ha.

Oh, boy.

You are so easy to scare.

You're holding a shotgun.

Oh, please.

You think I'm going to ruin my

life sh**ting you of all people?

It's not even worth the

cost of a shotgun shell.

My God.

Go to bed.

What the f*ck is she out of her mind?

Wanda, I'm calling the police.

Call them.

They're not going to

do a damn thing about it.

I'll get you.

Snake tac toe.

Nope.

Is this for real?

Someone better be dead.

Hello. Is this the police?

No, it's the tooth fairy.

- Huh? - Yes, it's the police.

This is Officer Norwood. Who's this?

Wh's this?

This Will Larkfield at 480, Elle road.

I would like to file a

serious noise complaint.

Ooh... a serious noise complaint.

As opposed to what? A superficial one?

Listen, my insane neighbors just

woke me up out of a dead sleep

to slaughter nocturnal animals

she feels are threatening

her precious veggie garden.

So what's the problem?

What is the problem? Problem

is, I have to work tomorrow

and she is clearly breaking

noise ordinance laws.

Not to mention probably

breaking animal rights laws too.

Animal rights?

Are you one of those Peta freaks?

No, I'm just a man trying to sleep.

Okay.

Let me guess, Is it, Wanda, Belarose?

Yes.

All right,

I tell you what,

I'll come down there and I'll have a

chat with her tomorrow in the morning, o

Thank you.

But just know it's my day off, okay?

Okay?

Cops don't get a lot of days off,

and it's my day off.

f*ck.

f*cking hell.

Charlie, we got a date.

W're needed tomorrow.

Alright?

You up for it?

sh*t.

Will, it's Doctor Nelson.

Unless you'd rather communicate

your feelings to a barn animal.

Go ahead, check your email.

There's a link to reschedule

and pay the no show fee.

In the meantime, keep journaling.

It helps.

f*ck.

What do you want?

Got to talk to you for a minute, Wanda.

That deplorable excuse

for a man give you a call?

Yeah, is that Larkfiel's son?

Seems a bit daffy.

Yeah, must run in the family.

Moved here a couple of days ago,

and he's already ruining my damn life.

I know, and look, I know

that you're in the right

protecting your property from whatever

you feel like it needs protecting from.

But we do have noise

ordinances, even out here in Bern.

Since when?

Since.

You know what? I don't know when.

I looked it up today, to be

honest, I was a little surprised.

But if we got him, you

know, I got to enforce it.

I'm just doing my job here.

Alright. Even though there is

f*ck all to do around this town,

I know you can do can rough them up a bi

For what?

For harassing his damn neighbor.

That's for what.

You know what? That

might be a little bit fun.

I might like that.

It be nice to see him cry.

Maybe piss himself.

Yeah.

You know, you get

it on tape, you post it.

Handcuffs.

Slap em around.

Yeah.

He is a pain in my a*s.

Citiot.

I just call em c**ts.

But citiots. It's a little more clever.

Oh, man.

Look, I

got to ask you,

did you just put up a

scarecrow or something?

A scarecrow?

Yeah. Just f*ck with that guy.

You know, he's one of those city bozos

that's going to put his house up for sal

As soon as he sees

what winters like up here.

- Yeah. - All right.

I can't have people disturbing me

while I'm having my beauty sleep.

Well, if it doesn't, keep out the c*ons

and the skunks and I'm going

right back to heavy a*tillery.

Good. And I will back you up.

You call me. Say, Ruth,

back up, and I'll be here.

Ready to go.

Bang. Bang bang raccoon bang.

Okay, bring your joint with you.

Raccoon bang?

Sounds gnarly.

Yeah. You use it for target practice.

Another day, another dollar.

Yeah.

Oh sh*t.

Drop my badge.

Officer Norwood. It's Will Larkfeild.

I called you last night.

Are you smoking weed?

Yeah. It's legal. Will.

Maybe you should try some.

It'll mellow you out a bit.

Where'd you come in from?

Boca Raton?

Some silky pajamas that you got there.

Look, I spoke to your friend.

We came to an arrangement

that's going to work for the both of us.

Both of us? What do you mean?

So that you're not calling

at all hours of the night,

waking me up to complain about her.

Next time you got some sort of emergency

call the fire department.

Well, look at you.

Thinking of starting your own nudie mag.

No, I'd rather retire.

Don't tell me you're one of those vampir

who sleeps better with the city noise.

No, Wanda kept me up all night last nigh

sh**ting wild animals,

beating the cats with a broom.

Sh's a f*cking basket case.

Take these.

Noise canceling. Bluetooth.

Beep beep.

Red delicious umbrella shade in style.

Ready for summer with a red patio umbrel

Whittle has a spectacular.

Whittle has a delightful f*cking umbrell

We make love in the morning.

It carries us into the afternoon.

Bring some love into the evening.

And so we can share it with the boom.

Late at night we take it easy.

Easy.

But that doesn't mean we're done.

Done, done, done.

We gotta make a little more love.

More love.

So we can share it with the sun.

Share it with the sun.

Da, dada, dada da da.

Da da.

Da, dada, dada da da.

Da da.

Da, dada, dada da da.

Da, dada, dada da da.

Plant intentions in the springtime.

And then you water them with love.

Then sleep all through the summer.

I wouldn't do that if I were you.

She's got a shotgun.

She's probably shot

this and put it in my pool.

I wouldn't put that past

her, but it's still ai't worth it.

Looking for your score in

the wet T-shirt contest?

Looks like you need a

woman to take care of you.

No, I need rest and relaxation.

Suit yourself.

Look, I'm being a total d*ck.

Can I make you lunch?

As long as you're not cooking

up your little friend here.

I can do slightly better.

How about a tuna fish

sandwich on gluten free bread?

My favorite.

Okay. I'll,

dry off.

Come in.

Hey.

Hi.

Nice pad.

Thanks.

Is it, Christmas year round?

Oh, yeah. I got to take that down.

I hope you like it.

I used vegan mayo.

Tastes fine.

I love this hair. It's very, um

early 2000s front man.

I's cause, I haven't showered in two day

Hot shower is the only

reason I'm ever around here.

What do you mean?

I live in a truck.

You live in a truck?

Where?

The old red one on the

other side of the house.

Used to be my dad's work truck.

The less time I'm in the house, the bett

Her and I don't get along.

Doesn't she keep you up

at night with all of her antics?

I never stick around.

I drive to a field and

sleep under the stars.

Sounds kind of sketchy.

Plus, what do you do if it rains?

I always figure it out.

So, what's your five year plan?

Um.

Let's see.

Year one, I get kidnaped by a hot city g

So, what's the rift with

your mom all about?

Don't call her that.

I'm sorry.

She makes motherhood look

like a modern method of t*rture.

Forget about me. What's your deal?

You, live alone in this place?

I inherited it after my dad died.

How'd he die?

Set himself on fire on a subway platform

Wow.

Holy sh*t.

He did always like to be

the center of attention.

Is this him?

Yeah, I found out earlier.

I think this is the last photo we took

together before I got really pissed at h

Why?

He was just really unpredictable.

And what about your mom?

Hockey groupie. I never knew her.

Wish I had that look.

Trust me. My therapist has a lot to

say about that hole in my childhood.

Speaking of holes, the

honey badger is leaving soon.

I got to get going.

You want to take this to go?

I can wrap it up for you.

Uh.

No. I will be back later

around eight.

Okay.

What the f*ck?

f*cking kidding me.

f*ck.

Scribbles of a philosopher King.

Joe. Don't. Don't touch

that. It probably has germs.

Found it in the skimmer.

Someone must have scooped it out.

I did. It was in the f*cking pool.

I swam right into it.

Big fella,

must have drowned.

I woul've flushed it down the toilet

except it's still not working.

I ordered the pipes

for below the house.

Be here any day.

Okay. Thanks.

Hey. Valerie came by for lunch.

Said she might come by again later,

so I was thinking of making her dinner.

Are there any veggies out there?

Well, well, well.

Looks like the bandwidth is opening up.

No, it's just a friendly dinner.

Uh huh.

Friendly dinner.

Okay, look, the zucchini is

practically taken over the garden,

so you want to start there. But uh,

Be careful, Will.

Do you know how to pick zucchini?

No.

f*ck's got these little hairs on them.

They're prickly.

You will want gloves.

Then the chiggers,

are all over the tomatoes.

You would not want them

burrowing under your skin on a date.

Joe. Keep your voice down.

It's not a date.

What the hell are chiggers?

Chiggers.

Chiggers?

Chiggers. They blend with the tomatoes.

I would spray for them, but,

think, we want to keep

things organic around here.

Do you know what I'm saying, Will?

Not really.

Cash would probably fix that tractor.

Hey, do you have any gloves I can borrow

I do.

Thank you.

Ha.

You deliver groceries to?

Someone has to keep you aristocrats fed.

Thanks.

Oh, um.

There is no guarantee

these foods were't processed and facilit

that also processes tree nuts or dairy.

Did they tell you to say that?

No. You did, honey, remember

you said you were really allergic,

and I'm just cover my perfect

a*s in case you're litigious.

Oh, Jesus.

That's a lot of vegetables for one perso

Yeah, I suppose it is.

You having a party?

I'm having a dinner guest.

Oh, you got a date?

He's having a party.

- No. - Is it catered?

Catered?

Yah. You know, catered?

Like.

- Can I go now? - No. Umm.

If you do have a need for catering,

my beeper number.

We're a female owned business.

We appreciate your patronage.

Hey, where'd you get those?

These?

Valerie gave them to me for my birthday.

It was a beautiful brunch.

You should have been there.

Oh and, Will.

Don't forget to tip my perfect a*s.

Where are your dad's tools?

Bill Pulaski told me he wanted to buy hi

And I could use the

money to go to Outlaw Fest.

Val,

I'm not going to ask you again.

They're not yours to take.

Where did you put them?

I know you're going to try to hock them

like you do everything else around here.

I don't know where they are.

Now, can you leave me alone? I have plan

Yeah,

well, the bathroom's off limits

until you return them.

I can't deal with you and

your bullshit accusations.

- Accusations? - Yeah.

You're a kleptomaniac.

Get the f*ck out of the way.

Not until you tell me where the tools ar

I already f*cking told you, I don't know

Val, tha's bullshit.

You think I don't know all

the sh*t you take around here?

You swoop in, kaw,

kaw, kaw, start gathering

up like some demented squirrel crow.

I don't know where the stuff ends up.

If you don't get your a*s out of

the way, I'm going to report you

to the health department

for falsifying your food license.

You think I don't know about the

racket you've been running around here?

I do, I know everything, and I'm

not afraid to ruin your life completely.

Now move.

Don't come back here tonight.

Yeah, well, I never do anyway.

And you know, I'd much rather sleep

in a dusty f*cking truck bed

than share a roof with you.

Yeah. f*ck you.

Lights out.

Day dream.

TV in the dark on a small screen.

Just burning out my eyes.

Space case.

Codeine.

Syrup in my cup to console me.

It's just how I get by.

To be honest.

Yo're really pretty when you cry.

Dead leads.

Cold case. - Hi.

Dusting off the top of an old page.

I just can't let this die.

No Sun.

Dark age.

Sinking in my couch for the whole day.

It's just how I get by.

What the hell is this now?

Wanda, what on earth are you doing?

Improvising.

Gotta keep my trigger finger happy.

Enjoy the next three hours

of continuously sleep music.

sh*t.

Hey, Vince. I'm just

finishing up my third draft.

I just may need a few more hours.

Oh, okay. Yeah.

Yeah, I'm happy to jump on a call whenev

Yeah, and we can review the new specs.

That'd be great.

Hey.

Still got my tuna sando?

Uh, thanks.

It's cheap and cheerful.

Shoes off.

What's this?

I thought you were coming back last nigh

It was, really loose plan.

Well, I made dinner for you.

I see that.

That's sweet.

I, I didn't end up coming

home after work last night.

I drove north a little,

slept under the stars.

It was pretty epic.

What's this?

That is a vegan, gluten free

snickerdoodle from the coffee shop in to

No nuts. Right?

Unless cinnamon is a nut.

Hey, when you were here yesterday,

do you remember seeing a coin?

No.

It's good, huh?

Ahh, g*dd*mn toilet.

I think I got it all out.

I just called the coffee shop,

and they swore up and down

there were no nuts in their cookies.

But she did say they're made

with cinnamon, rice flour and soy.

Soy, I ca't do soy.

It doesn't k*ll me. But, it

really f*ck up my stomach.

So, do you have a girl back in the city?

No.

Come on?

You're too cute to be single.

- Me? Really? - Yeah.

No, I haven't been in a

relationship in a really long time.

Like how long?

I don't know, like high school.

Can we talk about something else?

I already threw up once.

'm gonna hold your

hand till you hand it over

'm gonna drive you

out like an evil chauffeur.

Gonna love you funny.

Did you say high school?

Yeah.

That can't be right.

I don't know, yeah, like I was.

I've just been busy. I guess.

Are you, like, a priest?

No, I'm not a priest.

- A nun? - No, I don't know what I am.

Are you like, David Bowie

back from the stars?

Just a guy with no

internal compass, I guess.

I gotta say, I'm intrigued by the myster

It's pretty hot.

What?

Do I not do it for you or something?

I mean.

What, like yo're scared of me?

No, I'm not scared of you.

Then what the f*ck is it?

Valerie, I don't know, I'm just.

Can I um,

borrow this?

That's my dad's sweatshirt.

I'm freezing.

Sure. As long as you bring it back.

You know, I've been called many

f*cking things, but never a thief.

I didn't call you a thief.

You didn't have to.

'm not mad, just angry.

I's easier then some.

Hey! Who left the door open? Valerie.

Val, you here?

Damn, door open.

Okay.

Sweep. It.

Ah, God damn.

I gotta go back.

Okay.

Don't you run on me.

Big Earl will have me for dinner.

He waste his time hunting you down.

Okay.

Wanda.

Wanda.

Oh, my. Gosh.

sh*t.

Oh, my God.

Oh look, a package.

Mind your beeswax.

Wh'd you take a gamble?

'll be your casino.

You think 'm a vandal.

Then I'll go back to chico.

Girl, I got the handle.

Not like that pobrecito.

I'll be your casino,

casino, casino, casino.

I'll be your casino.

Just give me a sign.

What's your deal? What's your deal?

Give me a sign.

What's your deal? What's your deal?

Give me a sign.

Congrats, Wanda, I get it.

Dress a scarecrow to

embarrass and insult me.

Ha. You wish.

You think the whole

world revolves around you?

Well, guess what? It doesn't.

Oh, sure. Now you're just projecting.

You're going to deny that's not me?

You know, you're right.

Yuppie on a stick.

I think it looks like first place in the

town's Halloween decoration contest.

For damn sure.

I think I'll enter him.

I think you should take him down,

give him a new outfit or something.

Oh, why?

Don't want your girlfriend to see him?

Girlfriend?

I don't know what you're talking about.

I saw Val leaving your house.

You can't hide sh*t from me, Willie boy.

You're nuts.

Certifiably insane.

Really? We'll see who's nuts

when she rips your little heart out.

I am done with this.

Shove that scarecrow

up your a*s for all I care.

Why do't you take a gamble?

If you only had a brain.

I'll be your casino,

casino, casino, casino.

I'll be your casino.

I'll be your casino,

casino, casino, casino.

Enjoy ten straight hours

continuously sleep music.

I gotcha here tonight.

Keeping us all on time.

Hey, buddy.

Hey.

Have you seen my yoga mat?

I need to stretch all this moping

around has got me really tense.

Have not seen it.

What was that?

That my friend, is the

bull servicing the h*ifers.

Like milking them?

Milking them?

Damn. I love how you think. No.

Will.

It is about meat.

So the bull walks down,

f*ck them all.

f*ck them all?

And, eventually the calves pop out.

Meat man shows up, takes

them away to stuffen them.

- Stuffing them up? - Stuffing them.

Feeds him for about two

years, then slaughters them

prime grass fed beef.

What?

And you're okay with this?

Oh, this is a sordid

tale of God's divine flesh.

Sounds like the Handmaid's

Tale. Cow version.

What are you doing, Tai chi?

Nope. I'm doing jujitsu.

You ever, dabble in the gentle art?

Can't say I have.

Okay, great.

I got a tournament this weekend.

You can help me.

You're going to come at me.

Let's see.

Think about it like

you got a cigarette and

you're trying to put it

out of my face, okay.

Okay.

Okay, so now I take you down,

and then I put my hooks in,

and I start to attack a rear naked.

Now, you're not going to give me this,

so you're going to attack here. Stop my.

That's what oh baited you?

Gift wrap.

I don't feel much like a gift.

It will,

when you find the patience to surrender.

I don't know if I have

the patience for that.

I barely have the

patience to sit on the couch.

I'm going to stick to yoga.

What the sh*t's going on here,

buddy? You're tense as f*ck.

Yeah, I'm not sleeping.

I have a project do, and I

live next to a deranged lunatic.

All right.

I can't help you with the first two.

I got an idea for number three.

Let's go.

I heard you the first time.

These are for you.

Are those f*cking weeds?

Look,

I wanted to apologize for

being a pain in your a*s.

Oh, you did, did you?

Hang on a sec.

Take this.

For what?

You want to do something for me?

Beat that rug clean.

I got a lot of other

sh*t to do around here.

I'm not taking batting

practice out on your rug.

I see.

Then your apology means sh*t to me.

I'm not your chore boy.

And I've told you I'm

allergic to dust mites.

Oh, for crying out loud.

Get the hell off my porch and

plant those ragweed in your a*s,

Okay. Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa.

What in God's green earth is going on he

Well, I brought her flowers

like you suggested, and she wanted

me to beat the rug as an apology.

I said flowers, those are weeds. My guy.

Wanda, it's dead already.

Maybe take a little break.

Oh, look.

His sensei has arrived.

We call it a professor in jujitsu.

Well, why don't both of

you go jump in the lake?

No, no, no, no

this bickering is ridiculous.

You got to find a way to coexist.

Neighbors are supposed to share.

Share eggs. Share sugar.

I can't eat eggs. Of

course you can't. Will.

And what's going on with that scarecrow?

Oh, she claims she built

it to scare off the animals.

Why don't you just sh**t them, Wanda?

Jesus! Is everyone f*cking

Ralphie Parker around here?

Although, I gotta say, I do

kind of like the fashion choice.

It wasn't a beautiful

day in the neighborhood.

Mr. Rogers here called the cops.

Ruth came out and told me

to build that useless pile of sh*t.

You called the cops?

That is cold blooded, partner.

Yeah, I called the cops.

I couldn't sleep, Joe.

What is the point of leaving

a noisy city to get less sleep?

Just wear the earmuffs I gave you.

Wanda, easy on the rug.

sh*t.

No.

You're my lawyer.

You knew about this, but didn't tell me.

For how long?

Right, but you knew I

wanted to sell this place.

I just needed a way around

the stipulations in the will.

This feels like the answer, no?

All right. Whatever.

Okay, well, I just hand it over to you,

and you just take a look at it ASAP.

All right.

Thank you.

So these are the sleeping quarters, huh?

f*ck. You scared the sh*t out of me.

Sorry. Are you sleeping here tonight?

No. i's to chilly willy.

What's up?

I wanted to talk about the other day.

All good man.

Water under the bridge.

Don't touch this.

I, I suppose we can talk,

but not here, though. Let's take a drive

Just in case she comes out again.

Why don't you, get

something to cover up, though?

It might get cold.

Yeah, maybe I should get a sweatshirt.

Okay, whatever you'd like.

Okay.

'm gonna love you funny.

Thanks for buying me dinner.

Thought you bought dinner.

We did't pay?

Kidding.

Oh, could you grab the

sleeping bags in the backseat?

- Yeah. - Thanks.

Where are we?

Remember when you asked me where I slept

when the weather sucks.

Right here.

Cool.

What's that?

Took it out of Wand's box.

That's ballsy. Why?

So I could pour it all over your bod.

It's honey infused with weed.

Her secret sauce.

She doesn't have the dough for

Willie Nelson tickets, so I bet she's

selling that box in one

of the town potheads.

Here, try some.

I don't do weed.

What?

I've never done weed.

Seriously?

Come on. You're not going

to make me do this alone.

Yeah, okay, 'll,

I'll try a little.

Well, it's actually pretty good.

You can see my favorite

constellation, Andromeda.

Where?

Right there, the one

shaped like the letter A.

Oh, yeah.

I see you a.

I think.

f*ck ton of stars out there.

I always wanted to be one of those

people who works at the planetarium.

But those red, pointy lasers

pointing out all the constellations like

conductor of the sky.

Why don't you pursue it?

There are no planetariums

in this small town.

What's the point?

Planetarium in the city.

You going to take me there?

I would.

If I go back.

There's always an if.

Can't spell life without I, F.

My dad always said that.

Oh, God.

Don't depress me any

more than I already am.

Are you okay?

Yeah. Just.

Miss my dad.

I miss my dad, too.

But at least you have your mom.

You don't have to f*cking do that.

You know, you don't have to

one up me about everything.

I'm not one uping in you. I.

I'm meeting you at your pain.

Meeting me at my pain.

What the f*ck does that even mean?

My emotions aren't some lame a*s crosswa

I mean, I'm listening.

I'm trying to connect.

Why?

Because our stories are similar.

We have nothing in common.

We are not the same at all.

I think I need to pee.

sh*t.

Valerie, I think I peed on myself a litt

Val.

Valerie.

Valerie.

Look at that. See.

Jesus.

It works.

Beats the hell out of that damn scarecro

What the hell are you doing, numb-nuts?

She f*cking left me out there.

Well, you're lucky I'm

out of shotgun shells

because you'd be Swiss cheese yuppie.

Stop calling me that.

Oh,

did you piss yourself?

No. I,

I fell in the mud.

Ha ha ha.

Sure looks like you're pissed yourself.

You were probably scared

shitless out there, huh?

No, I was lost, and I fell.

Oh, you were lost, huh?

There's no way she took you far.

Val is lazier than the guy

who drew the Japanese flag.

I had to use my phone

to even get back here.

Okay. Luckily, I got a signal.

Oh, you found a signal?

sh*t. You're a regular John Muir.

You must have been way

out there in no man's land.

Are you out of your f*cking mind?

There's f*cking coyotes

out there. I could've died.

She left me with no

food, no water, no nothing.

Except for a f*cking jar.

Jar of what?

Nothing.

Did she take a jar of honey?

God dammit.

I knew I shouldn't have left it outside.

This wasn't for her or for you.

This is for someone else.

Now I have to figure out a way to tell t

that my deranged daughter stole one.

It was actually pretty good.

Except for about 30 minutes

where I was losing my f*cking mind.

Oh, you two are like Bonnie and Clyde.

Get off my damn property!

Don't f*cking raise your voice

at me on public f*cking property!

Yeah! Move it!

Pissy pants.

Come on dammit.

Morning, Vince.

Hi Will. Just patching in Nancy Wittle.

She says she's a little bit

of low hanging fruit for us,

which will be very helpful for the

marketing strategy of our new umbrellas.

Vince, give me one second.

There's someone at my door.

It seems like an emergency.

Oh, hi. Hi, guys.

Hi. Nancy.

You Goddam piece of sh*t.

Just as I warned you,

this ugly a*s umbrella enraged

that bull and it charged

and it destroyed my pumpkin.

I don't know what your

f*cking talking about.

Ohh, I am over you.

From here on out, I'm going

to make your life a living hell.

f*ck!

This f*cking stupid piece of garbage.

I f*cking hate you so f*cking much.

I hate this f*cking job.

I f*cking hate this f*cking,

f*ck you Vince f*cking so badly.

f*ck this umbrella you piece of sh*t.

Why, why, why, why are you so violent?

It's my baby.

Just one second and I will

get to the bottom of this. I.

Nancy. Nancy!

Yo're fired.

f*ck!

Joe, you in here?

Hey bud. Just back here.

Can I recycle this?

Sure.

Yeah, just chuck it in the corner, w'll,

ditch it tomorrow.

Hey, I saw your little girly in town tod

Who cares?

Trouble in Paradise.

She f*cking left me in a barn.

She what now?

She left me in a f*cking barn.

Whatever.

Can't believe I'm saying this,

but Wanda's right.

I don't belong here, Joe.

She's made my life complete hell.

And it's only getting worse.

Now, to top it off, I lost my f*cking jo

sh*t.

sh*t. You lost your job? Why?

Long story short,

my boss is a sociopath.

f*ck that guy.

Yeah.

f*ck that guy.

f*ck that guy.

f*ck that guy.

That's right.

He's been dangling a

promotion over my head for years.

Just got to figure out

how to make some money.

Oh, sh*t. Money?

That's easy, bud.

Nick and me going to

the bikini bar tonight.

Now his girlfriend works as a

bartender, but her sister does this thin

where we take pics of her. She pays us.

She puts them on this app

called fans Base. Whatever.

And then guys pay her.

She pays us.

They pay her. It's f*cking brilliant.

I don't want to go to the bikini bar.

I don't want to do whatever

you guys f*cking do at bikini bars.

Nick's an amateur photographer.

I just f*cking move the

lights around. It's great.

We make a buck and we spend a

little quality time with quality ladies.

And I think you could use that right now

This is all sounding very star 80, Joe.

Star 1000. Dude, it's f*cking brilliant.

Have you seen the film

star 80 with Eric Roberts?

No you haven't.

Love Eric Roberts.

It's about a sleazy guy

who forces his girlfriend

to be a Playboy model.

Sleazy. What are you talking about?

No, no, no. Best of the best.

f*cking taekwondo.

Read the f*cking room, Joe.

I lost my job.

I lost my dad,

and I'm losing my f*cking mind here.

I don't need t*ts right now.

Get a f*cking hobby.

I'm trying to help you out.

I appreciate ladies, they

appreciate me appreciating them.

That's it.

But I do not like the way

you're coming at me right now.

I've told you since day one

I don't want to go to a bikini bar.

Stop inviting me.

Oh, you're not invited.

But I think it's you that needs a hobby.

I read it in the news today.

Your father died.

I didn't find the right

words to say

that's why I lied.

When you called me in January.

Hey, Joe.

You seen a red toolbox around?

No.

Okay.

I need to apologize for

snapping at you yesterday.

Don't sweat it, kid.

I also need to tell you about

an offer I got on the farm.

What kind of offer?

Some company offered to buy the farm

all the land, and even

pay the capital gains tax.

They don't care much about the house.

Said, I can come and go as I

please until I have to get my a*s out.

Well, that sounds odd.

Look, I'm sure your job will be fine.

My lawyer said they'll probably be

lots of opportunities coming to the town

What's the company?

Yep. I was worried about this.

What?

They hounded your dad for years.

There was no way he was

going to sell to these b*stards.

What do you mean?

Dartmoor is a seed company.

They've always had their

eye on the town of Burns.

They've always wanted this property.

And your dad fought them like hell.

Seed company?

It's literally farmland.

What is the problem?

All they care about is

mass food production.

Okay, that sounds like progress to me.

Progress?

You think all those allergies.

You get our progress?

You think a single seed

blown into a neighboring farm

and them suing them till

they got nothing is progress.

You think your genetics is progress?

You got to watch what you eat, Will.

I eat just fine, Joe.

I don't see you eat anything.

Look, I've noticed around here, okay?

People are struggling to make ends meet.

Like Wanda and her stupid

f*cking honey business.

Maybe this will help.

This will be the nail in her coffin, Wil

I do't really care. Joe.

And it's not like she's been

the nicest person to me.

Okay, I'm running out of options.

Clearly.

Look, you do whatever you gotta do, okay

But I will never work for these f*ck.

Well, you told me not to

worry about you, so I'm not.

And you got your soft core porn

business on the side anyways.

Joe takes care of Joe.

But, hey, your scarecrow can take your s

while you go collect your fortune

and forget this place and everyone in it

I'm sorry, Joe.

I really am.

I'm not a bad person.

I don't have bad intentions.

All right. Although my dad

might have said otherwise.

Well he's not here, is he, Will?

Fixed the bathroom.

Started a fire.

Burns my life down.

More and more ashes.

Cover the ground.

All

my

good

thoughts

are

gone.

Oh, sh*t.

You wanna love me.

Boys bringing me down.

Now you're getting sulky.

Cause you do't know how.

Fire.

My scare crow.

Dammit. sh*t

f*ck!

Bruce.

Hello?

Fire!

I can't even. f*ck!

Oh my God!

- Ahh. - Spray it.

f*cking I can't, it's broken.

Oh.

What did you do?

What did you do?

If this spreads in my garden

I'm going to k*ll you.

Oh, my bees!

What? What do you want me to do about th

You're the one who told me to film it.

Now look at it.

Well, I also told you to

call the fire department.

Hey, everybody settle down. Settle down.

You again?

How many jobs do you have?

This is a volunteer gig.

h*'d this inferno start?

- His fault. - It's not my fault.

sh**t him.

Got a garden hose?

A garden hose?

Hose before brooms.

You do't need to cry,

honey.

Just because yo're on your own.

Just close your eyes

honey.

Where's the toolbox?

I'm not gonna ask you again. I want it n

Fine. You want your sh*t?

Here it is.

What do you want?

Ha.

You did steal it.

- What? - My dad's coin.

Yeah, it's just a regular quarter.

It's not worth sh*t anyway.

But you stole it.

I trusted you.

And you stole my EpiPen.

Why?

I do't know, I thought

it was a regular pen.

You're terrible person, Valerie.

I could have died without this.

You know what?

Whatever.

f*ck, the both of you.

Some kid you got there.

What's that supposed to mean?

You raised her.

Oh, please.

Father ditched her years ago.

She's been f*cked up ever since.

Wait. She told me her dad's dead.

What?

She's a compulsive liar, too.

He's not dead.

He works for Dartmoor head of acquisitio

And he's a piece of sh*t. Always has bee

He doesn't give a rat's a*s about her.

It's why she lies and steals.

It's a coping mechanism.

What's his name?

Roland.

Belarose.

You know,

she's been manipulating

you this whole time.

You're a fool.

And you should take it as a

sign to get the f*ck out of here.

Huh.

You weren't bullshitting me,

Roland Belarose does work for Dartmoor.

What is that?

This is my ticket out of here.

Since you want me gone so bad.

It's an offer from Dartmoor.

- Let me see it. - No.

Show it to me right now.

I want to see it.

Ahh. Wanda!

Trying, trying to see the light.

Sixteen hours and I feel alright.

Cause, 'm. The Jeff

Gordon of our generation.

I feel like I need a meal.

But I ca't eat a burger

with two hands on the wheel.

Cause, 'm. The Jeff

Gordon of our generation.

How you feeling, big guy?

What happened?

You took on a horde of bees, Bud.

I heard you gave a

good account of yourself,

but they got the K.O. in the end.

I'm really glad you're still with us.

Wanda actually saved your life.

Wanda?

Wanda saved my life?

Bullshit.

Oh, I swear on my pecker, Will.

May the gods strike it down if I'm lying

Alright, that's a tad bit extreme, Joe.

Wanda to push it in her

wheelbarrow all the way to the hospital.

You were there all night?

I just got you a few hours ago.

You're hopped up on antihistamines.

You were talking all

this, lovey-dovey sh*t.

You tried to kiss me, Will.

I tried to kiss you?

'm not mad. I was actually very flattere

But all jokes aside,

I'm really glad you're okay.

They said you might have actually

been dead for a few seconds, there.

Dead?

I was

dead?

I might actually be in the

presence of a Holy Spirit right now.

Joe.

What was he like?

There's an old song,

i's by Tom waits.

It's called Kentucky Avenue,

and it reminds me the high jinks

I used to get into with your

dad when we were kids.

You know, just

run around town breaking windows

in abandoned buildings and

jumping on train tracks.

All that sh*t.

And at the end of this

really beautiful story,

you realized that one

of the kids is crippled.

And that his buddy will do

whatever it takes to make him free.

He literally makes wings

out of his wheelchair so he can fly.

He steals tools from his dad,

cut like weird sh*t off his legs

so he can run free.

No matter how bad anything ever got for

Your dad freed me,

and I tried to do the same for him.

But after the concussions and the

the trauma, you know, his mind.

No matter how hard I tried, there was.

There was nothing anybody could do to

to free him.

And your dad wasn't going to live a life

where he couldn't fly.

Your dad was the best, Will.

He was the best.

Well, I should go home.

Hit the rack.

The rack?

Good man.

Hey, William.

What do you want?

Um.

I came to apologize.

Too late.

Wanda told me about my dad and Dartmoor.

You'll k*ll all her bees, you know.

I don't really care.

But once I sign this farm away,

you might get what you want.

A reunion.

It's not what I want.

Might not have a choice.

You call the cops on me.

You're a thief, Valerie.

Let's go, let's go.

You're gonna be riding shotgun.

On that?

That's what you're riding out of here.

Don't try any funny sh*t,

because I'll take us both out.

Let's go. You're on this side.

How? How the.

How the f*ck?

Oh! f*cking sh*t!

- We're going in. - Jesus Christ

How the f*ck do you do this?

I steer it.

Hello.

Where'd you get that sweatshirt?

Swung by your house.

Wanted to thank you for saving my life.

You weren't home.

Well, don't get all sappy on me.

You're going to make me regret my decisi

Well, I'm happy you made

the decision that you did.

Whatever. It's no big deal.

I just jammed you in the

leg with your own EpiPen.

Actually, you got me in the left nut.

Wow.

What do you want?

I want to try all your product.

You can keep the change.

What do you care?

Since you sell your farm, my

business is as good as gone.

Whose crops are going to poison my bees?

I would be perfectly fine with that

if I didn't see the potential.

Just take your honey and go.

You had the chance to

destroy this, you know?

You don't get it, do you?

There's little use in going to w*r

with the devil in the battlefields

already in hell.

What are you, a g*dd*mn little bug?

Just trust me, Wanda.

I finally found something 'm good at.

There they go again.

There they go again.

Thinking the're

alright out on there own.

But, they do't see.

But, they do't see.

That i's together that theyre happy.

Please,

H's almost loaded.

Come back to me

What do you think?

It's not bad.

Not bad? You are crazy.

It's f*cking fantastic.

My wheelbarrow is gray.

So the graphic designer

took some creative liberties.

It's a work in progress.

sh*t, we're gonna need to hire more peop

if we keep moving product at this rate.

Well, Daphne applied.

So sh'll run deliveries.

Daphne, no. No, no.

I know I'm doing

community service right now,

but I would like to be

hired when this is done.

Well, then quit dilly dallying.

Get your a*s moving.

These got to be out by five.

Wanda relax.

Take a page out of my book.

Look at you,

mister cool, calm and

collected. Thank f*cking God.

We don't need our chief marketing whatev

Pissing himself in the woods.

That was once.

Pissing himself?

She'll never let me live that down.

All right.

Me and the Bee woman of

Alcatraz gonna run these out.

What do you got?

Swiss cheese for lungs.

If I

come back in the next life

to find that things aren't

all that different than before.

I tried

to have some peace of mind.

Cause after all,

it's hard to be pure.

You know.

And if I

say goodbye at the last life.

I hope your faith will be restored.

Don't hide.

But do your best to

realize that after all

I's hard to be pure.

Take a second to concentrate now.

Don't go away.

Don't go away now.

Get out and into the

world I gotta nice clean suit.

Do't put your fingers on it.

Get out and into the

world I gotta nice clean suit.

Do't put your fingers on it.

Sometimes

I just do't feel so right.

Wanda.

Does this look like animal sh*t?

Or human sh*t to you?

What the f*ck are you doing?

Does this look human to you?

Are you high?

No. Are you?

You've gone from pissy pants

to poopy hands.

I'm just thinking back on

something you said, quote unquote,

about taking a dump in my pathetic

excuse for an herb garden end quote.

You accused me of taking a package.

And, now you accuse me of taking a sh*t?

If the sh*t fits.

Then f*cking wear it.

Yuppie.

- What the? - Eat sh*t.