01x07 - Episode 7

[bunniefuu]

- This is so much harder

- than I thought it would be.

- We don't need to be doing this.

- We could be lying down.

Instagram said that the water was

gonna be helpful for the baby.

It was making it

much, much harder.

- Hello!

- Hi.

Old ladies keep giving me

the evils, man.

Do you think this lane's for ladies

aged 80 years and over or something?

Makes me wanna just piss

in the pool and get right out.

- That's enough aquanatal for us. Abandon.

- Let's get out; let's get out.

OK.

Steph, let's go!

I am coming. God!

You'd think the fact that Nat is

very pregnant would remind her

that I am also very pregnant and can't

just leave the house at the drop of a hat.

She forgot to pack my lactation

cookies. Classic.

- Hey, anything you need, we can just drop it off to you.

- Ah, no, you can't,

- because I don't know where I will be. It's a surprise.

- Well, brace yourself.

- So, no getting up to any mischief while we're gone.

- No chance of that happening.

What?

Oh, like, with Lily and I -

Getting into trouble together.

Yeah. I mean, all we're gonna do is just,

you know, throw a little party in your bedroom,

200 people, you know,

and go through your stuff.

- You better go.

- You're kidding, though, about the party, eh?

I mean, you know, actually, throw

a party. Throw it! Throw a party.

But maybe just, like,

get a cleaner afterwards.

- I mean, I am still fun, though. I promise.

- OK, bye!

- Bye.

- Bye.

- Do you wanna make out?

- Yeah.

I cannot work out

where you're taking me.

Oh my God. Planning a surprise for a super

planner is no easy feat. I've had to set up decoys.

Well, is it gonna be much longer? Because

if so, I may need to stop for the bathroom.

Put this on.

- Oh no.

- Oh, come on, put it on. It's part of it.

- I'm not going to. No, no.

- Come on!

Babe, I have watched way too many true crime

podcasts to feel comfortable wearing a blindfold

- while you drive me to a secret location.

- Oh my God.

I don't have the energy to shower, let alone to

m*rder you and dispose of your body. Come on.

OK. OK.

However, if you ask me to put

any kind of lotion on my skin,

then I'm taking this off,

and I'm walking home.

Never have I ever bought

contents insurance.

Oh my God. This game is so boring

when you're in your 30s, isn't it? Hard.

OK, OK.

OK. Johnny

we need to mix this up.

The next 12 hours for us

are critical, you know?

You know, I just feel like you and me -

We need to have, like, a committed blow-out

before these babies arrive and everyone

starts getting all responsible, you know?

It's like we need to drink more!

- All right, and where are we drawing the line?

- Um, I don't know.

I wanna break the law.

I wanna break the law. Yeah.

And I wanna

Ooh, I wanna jaywalk with you.

- I wanna maybe try some arson.

- Ooh. Oh, wow. Jesus, OK.

- I wanna vandalise. - You wanna vandalise?

- I wanna vandalise you.

Yes. Yes.

- Yes, yes, yes?

- Yeah, go for it.

- Yeah?

- Yeah, and this.

- Yep- Oh! Yeah, wow.

- Oh!

- What about?

- Oh, not that. No. That's precious.

- Yeah. No, no, not that one.

- That's my favourite. I'm sorry.

- What about, um?

- No, no, Lily. Lily!

No, no, no. Oh, sh!

Yeah.

And I just feel like we're wearing

way too many clothes, right,

to be childless,

irresponsible adults, you know?

And, like, we should

just take it all off.

- Just get everything off, you know?

- Take that.

- Just God, these are tight.

- Yeah, sorry.

- It's OK. Just one and off.

- Yeah, three, two, one.

- Go.

- Yeah.

Oh yeah.

- Oh, have we?

- Yeah.

- Have we stopped? We're there?

- Hold on, hold on.

- Just follow the sound of my voice.

- OK. - OK.

- Just come out here.

- OK.

- All right, now, just- just-

- Just wait there one sec.

- And no peeking, OK?

- OK.

Doesn't sound particularly remote.

Babe? Sorry, I don't wanna ruin this

moment, but I do still need to pee.

'sh*t.' Uh

- Is everything all right?

- Back entrance. sh*t.

Um, just a little, slight,

uh, variation to the plan.

So just

- if you just wanna take my- take my hand?

- Yeah.

- And we'll just go for a little walk.

- Oh, OK.

You can take your blindfold off

in three, two, one!

Ta-da!

- Are we at Eden Park?

- Surprise!

- Like- Like the stadium?

- Yeah. You wanted a glamping experience.

It was close to the city, so

And we are at a stadium.

Yeah. They have VIP glamping

experiences here.

- Oh, like- like, in there? Like, in the stadium?

- In New Zealand's premier stadium.

Huh! Wow!

- You hate it, don't you?

- Oh, no, no.

- I think I'm just a bit- I'm just surprised.

- Yeah, that's what you wanted.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I think- I think I said I

wanted a surprising, relaxing trip away somewhere.

- Yeah, this is a surprise. So

- This is a stadium.

Yeah, this

this is

Yeah. What's more surprising

than a stadium?

You know what? Let's just go inside, and

then it will all make sense. You'll- You'll get it.

You'll get it.

Oh!

Oh my God.

- See? We're not sleeping on a field.

- No, we are not. We're sleeping in a corporate box.

Yeah. Look, normally you have

to hoard wealth and not pay taxes

- to even get a room like this. - Is there a bathroom in here?

- Um, no, but there is a whiteboard.

- You love those. And a selection of sparkling waters.

- I'm really busting,

- so I'm gonna go find one.

- Ooh! Lovely sparkling

This is so cool.

This is pretty cool.

Aww, Eden Park staff,

you shouldn't have.

'Dear Steph and Nathan.'

Oh. 'Happy babymoon.'

So close.

Oh, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on,

come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.

Oh God. Oh God!

Oh God!

Oh.

Mm.

That was good. You want some?

Hm?

Baby, where are you?

I wanna do a cheers.

I pissed myself.

- You what?

- Yeah, on the way to the toilet.

I didn't make it in time, and

I pissed myself like a child.

- I'm- I'm sorry.

- Are you laughing?

That's kind of objectively funny. I

mean, I feel like this happens, right?

Like, this is a thing that happens.

Or at least that's what people say.

- Um, how much piss are we talking?

- Nat, I don't know how else I can tell you this.

- Like, I am a 3-year-old. I did a huge pee pee on the floor.

- Sorry. That was fun

- That was a joke. Are you laughing?

- I need a change of pants.

OK. OK. Yeah, I'm on it.

I'm on it.

Right, OK.

Banana.

Um

No.

I can sort it.

Steph!

- Nat?

- Steph?

- Can you see my hands?

- There's a lot of toilets. Oh. Yes.

- Did you bring me some pants?

- I sure did.

What are these?

Um, they are

You're gonna love this - limited

edition Eden Park trackpants, babe.

The shop was open. They did a

limited run apparently of those.

They got them for the opening of

the south wing. I got you an XL.

Although they should really have, like, a

maternity line in this day and age, you know,

cos pregnant woman watch sports.

Those actually look really good.

- You look hot!

- Please don't. - Oh.

You forgot to bring a change

of clothes for me, didn't you?

I didn't factor in one of us pissing

ourselves, so, yeah, I did not bring pants.

- Great

- Oh, come on, babe.

I want to permanently

delete this from my memory.

Ooh, damn!

They are sodden.

- Oh my God. Oh my God.

- So do you think we go to MOTAT?

- There are people in our box.

- Why are there people in our box?

- Hi, guys. - Oh, hi.

- Hello!

- Hello. - Hello, lovebirds.

- Oh, thank you.

Yes. Can we help you

guys with anything?

Fellow glampers?

Yes. Actually, I think there's

been a bit of a mix-up.

- You see, we're in this room. Those are our bags that are on the bed.

- Oh my God. We must be next door.

- I did think it's a little weird that there's bags already in here.

- Yeah. Yeah, that's OK.

Door was open, and we already

helped ourselves. We're so sorry.

No, listen, we can't drink that stuff

anyway. It's an easy mistake to make.

- They all kind of look the same.

- Oh, how unreal is this? - Wow!

- Oh! Honestly, we can't find the words, can we?

- Yeah. Just speechless.

Nice pants.

- Oh, yeah. Thank you.

- I'm a big fan of the park- stadium.

We should have dinner all together

tonight and just share the experience.

- Um, you know what? We will probably be asleep.

- Yeah.

- We sleep a lot.

- Very tired and pregnant.

- What?

- Oh, wow!

- Congratulations.

- Oh- Oh, thank you.

My sister and her wife were both

pregnant together last year.

Really? There was another l*sbian

pregnant couple? I had no idea.

- They're now consciously uncoupled, which is super awesome.

- Oh, wow. OK.

Well, only fair now that you

come over to our box later.

- Yeah, we'll just maybe see how we go.

- Yeah, probably.

- Climb over?

- Yeah.

- OK. - Oh, pole is a bit high.

- Parkour.

- Eden Parkour.

- Pretty good.

- Oh! This is our box in here.

- Oh, here we go.

- Awesome, Eva. This makes way more sense.

- Yeah.

They seem nice.

Babe.

What's going on? You seem miffed.

Oh, do I? Yeah, no, I'm just really enjoying

looking out at the view of the rugby pitch.

- The field.

- Yeah, the field. The rugby field.

I'm sorry this luxury box at New Zealand's

premier stadium is not up to your standards.

Nat, I don't like sports.

Like, I have zero interest in sports,

so I'm just trying to figure out

how we are having our babymoon

in the home of sports.

Well, what did you want?

- You asked me to surprise you.

- Uh, native birds, wild flowers,

- a babbling brook would've been really nice and relaxing.

- Oh God!

I'm sorry that I couldn't get into your

head and understand the folkloric, whimsical,

- wonderful fantasies that you've obviously been

- The thing is, Nat

- brewing up inside for this magical babymoon!

- You don't have to get into my head

and, like, read my mind. Because we talked about

this. Like, we literally talked about it several times.

But, yet again, you just do away with the

plan and do whatever the hell you wanna do.

OK, well, maybe next time I won't

try. Is that what you wanna do?

- Do you wanna just organise everything?

- Uh, yeah, actually.

Now you mentioned it, it might be better because

then we wouldn't find ourselves in a corporate box

next to a weird Swedish couple who very

clearly want to have a foursome with us.

Ding-dong!

Hi, ladies.

Oh, sh*t.

Oh, is now a good time?

Well, I'm Bianca. I'm taking you

on the stadium rooftop tour.

sh*t, youse are both pregnant.

Two pregnancies, one corporate box.

What are the odds?

So is the roof, like, totally

out of the question or?

Well, it's not against company

guidelines, just a personal preference.

I don't want you two going

up there - your babies falling out.

Well, we are

We're just really grateful to be on this

bespoke tour of the stadium, so this is awesome.

You know what? I'll take you to a side

of the stadium that no one has access to,

- not even our most illustrious guests.

- Wow.

- Oh.

- Come on! You two lovebirds.

- What do you guys think?

- Wow. - Wow!

Our nation's finest rugby

players come here to go toilet,

have a shower and a cry after

devastating losses.

- Goosebumps.

- Yeah. Thank you, Bianca, for this incredible tour.

We've loved it, but I think it's probably

time for us to head back to the box and

Hang on. Hang on. I've got

a surprise for you two.

- Ooh.

- Ta-da!

The Eden Park changing rooms'

lost and found.

- Oh, yeah. - Ohh.

- Yeah, man!

There's some cool stuff in here,

and if you dig deep enough,

you may find a jockstrap

from a certain number 10.

- Huh!

- Put something on. I can take some crack-up photos of you guys.

- Oh, I don't have my phone. Do you have your phone?

- Oh. No. I think it's probably not,

- like, our vibe. - Why don't you run up and get it?

- Oh yeah, OK, fine.

- I'll go get my phone.

- Thank you so much, but no. Nat, we don't need- Nat, Nat.

- No, we're gonna take a f*ck' photo.

- Don't go and get your phone!

Oh, there she is.

- Could you give us a second?

- Oh. Everything OK? - Yeah, yeah, it's fine.

- We just want a bit of time to really soak up the stadium.

- I got it.

- You got him to sign it?

- Yeah, I did.

And I bought it here tonight so

that we could talk about it.

- What does it matter what I think? You already forced him to sign it.

- I didn't force him to sign it.

- I didn't force him. He was happy to sign it.

- OK, well, this is absolutely

- something that we needed to talk about beforehand.

- Yeah, I totally agree, Nat.

And I tried to bring it up multiple times,

but every single time, you shut me down.

Johnny has already

given consent for IVF.

- This is exactly the same.

- No, it's not the same. You've gone behind my back.

There's actually no point in us even

having this conversation until you have read it.

Because when you do, you will see that all

this is is about protecting Johnny and our children

- should anything happen.

- Steph, this is not about that. This is about you

- and your irrational fear that I'm gonna run off with Johnny

- Oh my God. OK.

- And run off and have your babies with him!

- OK! Once again, if you read it

It'll take you 10 minutes, Nat! If you read it,

you will see it has got nothing to do with that

- No! No!

- And all about protecting our children.

Just admit it, OK? You have

been weird about everything

- ever since we found out that I was pregnant.

- f*ck' hell.

- Do you really think that I'm capable of leaving you for Johnny?

- No, I don't!

- Well then, why did you get him to sign it?

- Because it's important!

- It's important that we do.

- No, because you don't trust me. - It's not about that.

- You're just making it so much worse-

- Just say it, Steph. Just f*cking say it!

- Just read it! - Just say it!

- I don't trust you!

Fine!

There you go.

I don't trust you, Nat,

because I can't. Like,

I really wish that I could.

I really want to trust you, but

I can't.

Because you always make things

so hard, like this situation.

It doesn't need to be hard.

You are so impulsive,

and you are so reckless,

and you just do whatever the hell

you wanna do all the time.

And I am just expected to, like, fall in line and

then pick up the pieces when everything falls apart.

Like, I am just waiting for you

to show me any sort of sign

that you are remotely aware of the immense responsibility

that we are about to step into, but you don't!

I can't believe that you are

still blaming me for this, OK?

I just wanted to start a family with

you, Steph. That's all I've ever wanted.

- But all of this has just been about you, about you getting pregnant.

- That's so unfair.

You have been the centre

of this for me always.

For you!

Can't you hear yourself?

- We are gonna be parents.

- We are going to have children.

They need us. They rely on us. It

can't just be stupid jokes all the time.

- You love my jokes.

- I hate your jokes.

I hate them.

- They scare me.

- They scare you?

Yeah, they terrify me because everything has

changed, but you haven't. You haven't changed a bit.

- I can't change.

- I can't change who I am.

Yeah, I think I

get that now.

And so I don't know

what to do because I can't

do this

with you.

I love you, Steph.

- It's not enough.

- It's just not enough.

Oh.

Nathan.

Sorry.

Oh, f*ck.

Isn't it strange,

impossible to claim your reward.

I cannot explain

emotions I can barely afford

to contain.

You're the same.

No words only scream

could possibly protect you.

You know what it means.

Two is the charm,

a place therein around us

and pray and pray.

There is no blame; there

is no shame, and even more

Nobody gets what they want

any more.

Ohh!

Oh!

Oh f

Ohh!

Ba-ba, ba-ba, ba.

Ba-aa-aa.

Ba-ba-ba, ba.

Again, again.

Nobody gets what they want

any more.