01x09 - You Will Help Someone Take a Chance

[bunniefuu]

♪

MAGGIE: Well, business
is not booming.

No one seems to
know I'm a psychic.

- What about a big sign
that just says, "Vision."

- Mm-mm, that makes it sound
like she's an optometrist.

What about a sign that says,

"We help you see things better"?

[phone ringing] Mm-hm? Mm?

- Perfect Podiatry, your call is
super important to us, please hold.

So, whose idea do
you like better?

- Gosh, I don't know.
They're so different.

MARIA: Mm, well, you gotta
put yourself out there.

- Maybe I'll just put a bunch
of mystical stuff in the window.

- Ah, you know what? I
have the perfect thing.

I have an old cast of Val Kilmer's
foot that's ripe for the taking.

Course, you can't say it's Val Kilmer's
because of HIPAA and all of that,

but people who know will know.

MARIA: Why don't you just
come to the house tonight,

and we can go through the attic.

I'll show you my
porcelain doll collection,

and you can take the ones
whose eyes are missing.

- Ooh.

♪ "Goes To My Head"
by Blondfire playing ♪

♪ We were lost until
we got it right ♪

♪ Runnin' circles
in the moonlight ♪

♪ We were drunk and
just a little high ♪

♪ Throwin' punches in
the dead of night ♪

- Hi. Is this the
Bail Bonds office?

- Hey. Y'all do hair?

- Do you do waxing?

- Well, at least this is
something I'm, like, semi-good at,

but are you sure you
don't want a reading?

- Oh, I'm good. I know my ex will
come crawling back eventually.

[chuckling]

Can't believe this is a psychic
shop. Why don't you have a sign?

- What, like a big sign
that says "Maggie"?

It's not really me.
- Isn't that, literally, your name?

- Yeah, but, like, my name in
lights? Who am I? Las Vegas.

- Okay.

Ooh, what about
a window display?

Think of a theme like
I did with my condo.

I chose the color purple.

- What, like the movie,
or the actual color?

- Do you even have to ask?

- So, like, the movie then?

[scoffs]

♪

Why do you have your
"menu-reading face" on?

- Oh, I haven't seen
this picture in forever.

This is me with my old band.

- Whoa.

Whenever you mentioned them,

I always pictured the
Country Bear Jamboree,

but look at you.
You're a badass.

- Yeah, I used to be able to jump
into the splits... Both ways.

That's who I used to be.
- What happened?

- Oh, if you don't stretch
every day, you kinda lose it.

- No, to the band.

- I kept it up for a
while, but when I had you,

I decided it was time
to let that dream go.

That's when I became
Dad's receptionist.

- You gave up your dream for me?

- No. Things change
when you have a kid.

Now all I want is for
your dreams to come true.

- Well, I'll have you know
my dream has come true.

I run my own psychic shop where
half the people who come in

ask where the weed's at?

- Oh, well, that's why your
dad and I get ours delivered.

- Hm... Hey, maybe you should
start up the band again.

- Ah, those days are over,

but I do miss having
a creative outlet,

and smashing things.

What's gotten into you?
Why are you so encouraging?

- I just feel bad that you
gave all that up for me.

Look, I'm out of the house now,
but before I have to move back

because my business goes under,

you should find something
that's just for you.

- You're sweet.

Oh! Here's me
giving birth to you.

You wanna see?
- No, I remember the video.

- Yeah, good call. It
looks like a crime scene.

- [sighs] Thanks for letting
me stay here today, guys.

- Oh, no problem. You said you
had to leave your apartment.

What happened? Roaches, asbestos?
- Black mold?

Everyone's got a bit of black mold.
- Uck.

- It's like the HPV of rooms.

- No, my roommate's moving out, and
I didn't want her to ask me to help.

She'd rather live
with her fiancé.

- I hate her. Did you
find a replacement yet?

- No, it's so hard to
find a good roommate.

You think someone's a
decent person and then, bam!

All of a sudden there's an Entourage
poster up in the living room wall.

- You know what?

Our plant guy told me that
he needs a place to live.

He just moved here
from Portland.

- Sorry, your what?
- Our plant guy.

He keeps our plants alive.

And one time, he
brought me a tea.

- Babe, go see if he's here.
- Mm.

- Mm, I love this. I
love connecting people.

I love plants.
- Mmm-hmm.

- The CBD oil that I put in this
smoothie is really kickin' in.

Woo! Oh my god.

[knocks on door]
- Hi.

- Hey, if you're looking
for a payday loan,

you're gonna be the third person
today I have to break bad news to.

- I was actually coming
in for a reading.

- Oh, well... you know
my "no friends" policy,

and that especially applies to you
because of the, you know, stuff.

- Yeah, n-no. The
reading's not for me.

It's, um, actually... for this.

- What tomb you'd have
to raid to get that?

- So, I was at a flea market,
and I was weirdly drawn to this,

and I have no idea why.

- Well, it looks cool.
- Well, I was thinking maybe that you can

touch it and see if there's
anything special about it.

I would go on Antiques Roadshow,
but it's not a walk-in situation.

- No.

- Please.

- Let's give it a shot.
- Thank you.

[Maggie clears throat]

- Uh, yeah. I'm, I'm not
really seeing anything special.

Just somebody flipping it.

Not sure if it's heads or tails,
but it's definitely one of those.

- Oh.

I never understood that,
leaving things to chance.

- Well, flipping a coin isn't always
about leaving things to chance.

Sometimes, it helps you
decide what you really want.

- Well, if I know what I want, then
why would I be flipping a coin?

- Let's say we're going to get froyo.
- Mm-hm.

- Okay? And you can't decide
between vanilla and chocolate.

Heads for vanilla, tails
for chocolate, okay?

Which one do you want it to be?

- Tails.

- Mmm, so that's
what you really want.

- Okay.

S-So, what is it?

- No, it doesn't matter.
- Why?

- You have your answer, chocolate.
Which is also the best answer.

- Hi, I need 300 copies of this
"Have You Seen My Dog" flyer.

- Oh.
- He's not lost.

It, it just links
to his Instagram.

He wears wigs.
- Wait, I know this dog. I follow him.

- Yeah.

- Yeah, so I don't do this.

- It's just 300 copies.

CLIENT: Yeah. [chuckles]

- Lou, I really think our plant guy
would be an amazing roommate for you.

Just don't bring up aphids
'cause he gets pretty heated.

- Okay, well, I just hope
you pay this guy well

because my rent is, kind of...

Hi. PLANT GUY: Hey, hey.

- What?

- Ooh, Dad, that
is a brisk walk.

If you need to use the bathroom
without a reading, that'll be a dollar.

- Okay, Maggie, I'm in no mood. Thanks
to you, your mother is leaving me.

- What?!
- Yeah.

After 30 years, she doesn't want
to be my receptionist anymore.

- Mom quit?
- Well, she said it was your idea.

I can't run that office
by myself, Maggie.

What, I'm supposed to hire somebody I'm
not married to to be my receptionist?

How would that even work?
- Well, why don't you just talk to her?

- Talk to her? Honey, I can't
even look at her right now.

[car horn honks]
Oh, that's your mom.

She's waiting for me
in the car. I gotta go.

- [sighs] Oh boy.

MAGGIE: Uh, Mom,
so what happened?

I thought you'd get a
hobby, not quit your job.

- After our talk,
I thought about it,

and I realized I never
loved working there.

- No?

- Can I tell you a secret?
- Mm-hm.

- I don't like feet.

- That doesn't need
to be a secret.

- Wow.
- Yeah.

- My nails have
never looked better.

I look like a badass. You're
onto somethin', kiddo.

- Mm-hm. You're onto something.

No, but seriously, if you
were feeling that unfulfilled,

then quitting was
definitely the right move.

You're owning who you are.

- Thank you, sweetie.
- Mm-hm.

- I like the new me.

- Do you want me to do your toes?
- Oh, no, no. Your dad likes to do those.

- Okay, that should be a secret.

Champagne was a great
call. What's the occasion?

- My roommate left it behind,

and I'm nervous she's
gonna come back for it.

- Ooh, smart.
- Yeah, drink up.

- So, how's the
roommate search going?

- Complicated.

Amy and Dave introduced
me to their plant guy.

Plot twist, he's hot.

So now I can't tell if he'd make
a better roommate or boyfriend.

- Well, he can't be both.

I mean, what if you guys break up and
then you're stuck living together?

Oof.
- Okay, well, devil's advocate.

What if we're the two people in
the world that can make it work

because we're...
extremely mature?

- Well as much as
I do believe that,

maybe you should decide once
you get to know him better.

Starting with his name?

- They just call him "Plant Guy."
It's like Prince or Roseanne.

[chuckles]

Speaking of names, have people figured
out what your storefront is yet?

- Mmm... Not really, no.

But maybe it's cool if I
keep it kinda mysterious.

You know, like a speakeasy,
or a high-end sneaker store.

- Maggie, psychic readings
are supposed to be mysterious.

Your ability to
help people is not.

Let people know who you are.

- You know who I am.
Isn't that enough?

- Okay, your name is Maggie. Your
favorite color is terracotta.

Your hall pass is Clive Owen.

- Hm, and you're Louise.

Your favorite color is pink
and your hall pass is Mufasa.

- Ugh, it's the voice.

- Mm.
- And he's so powerful in that movie.

Everything the sun touches is his.
- Mm-hm.

- Mm... cheers to being known.

- I'll drink to that.

♪

Mom?

Whatcha doin' here?

- Well, I thought about what you said...
- Uh-huh.

- and I found just the
right career for myself.

- That's great.
- Came to me like that.

- Love it.
- And it's something we could do together!

- What now?

- Tarot. I Wikipedia'd it.

And after finding out how to say
it right, I think it's perfect.

You're speechless!

- So, Plant Guy mentioned he's coming
over to look at your place today.

How exciting!

What did you decide?
Boyfriend or roommate?

- Still undecided, but
depending on his vibes,

I'm either gonna bust out the
sparkling water or the red wine.

[phone beeping] Oh,
he's calling me. Bye.

Uh, hello?

PLANT GUY [on phone]: Hey, I'm
here, but I think I'm lost.

- Oh, yeah. It's,
kind of, a maze, um.

Just go past the teens who
are vaping by the bushes,

all the way down to the left,
and I'm apartment eight.

PLANT GUY: I think one of
'em just flipped me off.

- Oh, don't worry about it.
They're, like, totally harmless.

They just like to stand around
and get... Hi. [giggles]

- Hey.

- Oh, sorry. Come in.
It's great to see you.

- You too.
- So, this is me.

Little shabby, but,
you know, not too bad.

- [chuckles] Well, I'm
definitely into it.

- Okay.

Oh, you like to
take your shoes off.

- Mm-hm.
- That's very polite.

Um, can I get you
a sparkling water?

- Sure.

Or a whole bottle of wine?
- [chuckles] Sure.

- Okay.

- Mom,

well now that you quit,
the world is your oyster.

You sure you wanna be here,

when you could
be... anywhere else?

- Yes, honey, this is so fun.
- Yeah.

- We are gonna put
your store on the map.

So, how should we
set up our desks?

Side by side? Back to
front? Across the room?

- I like across the room.
- I do too.

Fun, fun, fun.

Ooh! Some of these tarot cards
are a little PG-13. [chuckles]

Can't have that.
Bye-bye, boobies.

Cute. Looks like a tank top, hm.

♪

[loud shuffling]

- Mom.

Mom... Mom!
- Yeah, baby?

- Could you maybe do that
a little quieter, please?

- Oh, yeah. Got you.

- We also offer tarot.

You know, Mom, I was thinking, there's
lots of great careers out there,

and tarot is really hard, and
takes a long time to master.

- Oh, no, it's not that hard.

You just need the little
booklet that it comes with.

Wait, where'd I put the little
booklet that it comes with?

Huh?

[coughing]
- Hey... you okay?

- Yeah, I'm good.
I'm great. I'm good.

Hi. What's that?

- Uh, I realized I didn't pay you
for the reading the other day,

and I think we both accept
froyo as currency, so.

- Thank you.
- Oh, be careful.

That place gave your dad
some bad rectum cramps.

Also, where's mine?

- Guess what? My mom's
working with me now.

- Yeah, you want
a tarot reading?

Maggie encouraged me to follow my
dreams, so I'm a tarot-ist now.

- Ah.
- He doesn't want a reading, Mom.

- I'll do a reading.
- Great!

Step into my side of the office.

- All sides of the office
are my sides of the office.

Just... saying.

- Yeah, I have passwords
to all streaming services,

and only half of
them are my parents'.

And I'm big into
true crime docs.

I love trying to solve them, curled
up on the couch with someone.

I, I won't be needing
the shared parking space.

I don't have a car.
- Oh.

- I drive a motorcycle.

- Oh.

- And we can get the
application in today.

My credit score's perfect.

- Hm?
- I'm sorry.

I'm making this all about me.

You know, I've been trying to work
on myself... by listening more.

♪

- Uh, oh, hold on. Sorry, I, I
just... I really have to pee, so, um.

- It's okay.
- Stay, stay, stay.

- This card refers to your past.

Ooh, upside-down six
of cups. [Ben chuckles]

It represents nostalgia, a
longing for how things used to be.

- Oh... Well, I am
a history teacher.

[Ben chuckles]
- Okay, this card is your present.

Ooh, three of
swords. BEN: Ahh.

It looks like an emo album
cover. What's it mean?

- Uh, let's see.
Three of swords.

Ooh, a romantic conflict
may be on the horizon.

[Maggie clears throat]
- Well, I do sleep diagonally.

Jessie's not a fan of that.

- Ben, leave the
interpretation to the expert.

- Yes, ma'am.

- It says here it could
point to a third party

creating trouble in
your relationship.

- [clears throat] Mom, I don't think,
um, Ben needs you nosing around

in his... personal life.

- Who's the third party, Ben?

Does Jessie have feelings
for someone else? Do you?

- Mom! Stop.

- Maggie, my part of
the office, my rules.

- M-Maybe I should go.

- Every part of the office
is my part of the office!

- I'm gonna go.

- I have been trying so hard
to be nice to you all day,

but you're in my space,
you're bothering my clients.

You're driving me crazy. Enough!

- Well!

Fine... if that's how you feel.

But I will have you
know, that the next card

was people skydiving
out of a spooky castle,

and now we will never
know what that is about.

♪

♪

- Hi.
- Hey.

Everything okay with your mom?

- Yeah, sorry you
had to see that.

I'm trying to be
supportive of her,

but it feels like her new
career is "torturing Maggie."

- Well, maybe she just wants
to spend some time with you.

- Yeah, exactly. You get it.

- I know how it is.

My dad never let me
drive without him,

even when I was in college.

- Whoa.
- And it was so annoying

that he didn't trust
me driving alone,

but I just realized that
he wanted to be with me.

- Yeah, but did he
put dolls in your car?

- Did he put dolls in my... No, no.
- No.

- Maggie, I don't wanna be
that guy who does the whole

"my dad is dead, and
I'd give anything

to have just one more
day with him" speech,

but my dad is dead,

and I'd give anything to have
just one more day with him.

- Yeah.
- Yeah?

- You're right. Thanks, Ben.

♪

♪ I can see under the cracks ♪

Um, so, uh, what'd you end
up doing with that coin?

- Oh, actually, I figured I'd keep it.
- Oh.

- In case I need to
make a decision one day.

Or I might use it
for scratchers.

♪

Look at that.

Chocolate.
- Chocolate.

- Always the best choice.
- The only choice.

- The only choice.
- Thank you.

- Chocolate is the only choice.

- Get it right. Come on, Ben.
- That's it. That's what it is.

- Good night.
- Good night.

♪

[snoring]

- Sorry, uh, I have
somethin' I wanna tell you.

- Oh, okay. Actually, me too.
Um, you can go first, though.

- Okay, don't hate
me [chuckles].

But this whole time I've
been struggling to figure out

if you'd make a better roommate,
or a better girlfriend.

- Oh, samesies!

- Really?
- Yeah.

- Okay, what did you decide?

- Let's say it at the same time.

One, two...

- Roommate.
- Three.

- Sorry, you're so
cool and superhot.

But I really need
somewhere to live,

and your place gets really
good sunlight for plants.

- Well, you can't live here
now that we've hooked up.

- Yeah... I guess not.

- Okay, well, what do we do now?

[sighs]

♪

- Hey, Mom.

- If you're wondering who stole
your bathroom key, it was me.

I was mad. I'm not apologizing.

- Okay, well, I'm actually the
one who wants to apologize.

I'm really sorry.

- Oh.

Okay, well, then here's your bathroom key.
- Thanks.

So, uh, how's the tarot biz?

- Yeah, it's not great.

I left the cards
on top of the car.

- Ah.
- You know, it wasn't my thing anyway.

I may just go back to being
your dad's receptionist.

- What? Mom, no.

You can't just hide in
Dad's office or mine.

- But I don't know
anything else.

- Mom, I get it. I know who I am, and
I'm still scared to tell the world.

- But you shouldn't be. You
are so good at what you do.

Don't be scared, Maggie. You
gotta let your light shine.

- I will, Mom.

You're a total badass.
Don't forget it.

- You're damn right I am.

You know what? I'm
gonna start a podcast.

- That's great.

- And you're gonna
be my co-host.

- I'm busy.

♪ "Second Chances" by Bryar
ft. Anna Renee playing ♪

♪ We got our heads in
the clouds, no one ♪

♪ No one's stopping us from... ♪

- Oh, fun! A psychic.
Let's get a reading.

♪ 'Cause we're not comin' down ♪

- Come on in.

♪ So what ♪

♪ We've got our
heads in the clouds ♪

♪

- Love the new signage, Mags.

- Yeah, I'm still getting used
to it, but I like it, too.

- Oh, wow. I am not
loving those, though.

- Oh, yeah. You know my mom.

I have a feeling if I got rid
of them, they'd just come back.

- That's horrifying.
- Yeah.

- Anyways, what are
we having for dinner?

- Um... flip a coin?

- Okay.
- Heads for Thai?

- Ooh, tails for a family
bucket of fried chicken.

- Oh, it's heads! Yes!
- Ugh.

Really wanted that family bucket.
- Aw.

BOTH: Let's get both.

- Yes, I love us!
- Me too.

But I cannot eat with
those things watching me,

so I, I need you
to throw them away.

- I'm not touching them.

♪

[clucking]

[fanfare]