02x06 - Total Eclipse of the Taze

[bunniefuu]

[Male Announcer
reads text on screen]

[Musical jingle]

[brigh]

[Audrey]. The eclipse is
that big of a deal?

Everyone wants to see it.

It's a total eclipse,

not the usual ring
Ever of fire bullshit.it.

Mmmhmm.

Who wouldn't want to see it?

[Audrey]. Well, I don't.

[Steph]. Okay, guys, so
as you can tell,

I did not write this.

[Steph]. Okay, guys, so
It comes from corporate,

who are blowing this eclipse
way outta proportion.

So, no in and out
of the refinery,

no work that
requires looking up,

and no work above
chest height.

Oh, so Stash, you can still
give the boss a handy.

Yeah, just keep your
safety glasses on.

And don't stare directly
into his butthole.

[snickering]

Oh. Who's the birthday
splatter for?

Taser.

Oh, I'm about to give him a
cream pie he'll never forget.

Tase is gonna get his today.

Dewey, you're gonna need a
stepladder to reach his face.

Why are you so hell
bent on getting him?

Dewey, you're gonna need a
stHey, it's union tradition...

And revenge.

Dewey, you're gonna need a
stHey, He pies everyone.tion...

Can you requisition this sh*t?

Wet face.

f*cking Taser.

Taser!

Which is mine?

[Taser]. Follow the birdie.

Happy birthday.

He even got the Jehovah dude.

They don't even
celebrate birthdays.

Oh, look who's late!

Oh, it's the birthday boy.

Did your girlfriend keep
you in bed this morning?

Show me your f*cking hands,
all right.

If I see a pan,

Sh a can of whipped cream,,
I'm gonna f*ck' snap.

[whispers] Don't say anything.

[Taser]. Any of you touch me,

and I'll sacrifice
you to the eclipse.

I'm serious.

It's go time.
- I'm going to record it.

It doesn't feel right.

He's also blocking
the only exit.

Now, every time one of these
celestial events happens.

I'm either stuck in a
boiler or nobody tells me.

What are the chances
there's a total eclipse

on my day of birth?

I feel chosen.

[Steph]. Actually, according
to this article,

you share your birthday
with 22 million people,

[Steph]. Actually, according
give or take.le,

Nah, this means
something, Steph.

Eons in the making.

Complete totality.

I'm gonna f*cking see it.

Nothing's gonna make
me miss this eclipse.

I even bought some
lottery tickets.

Oh, you went for it!

Come on, Dewey.

I'm selling these
one-of-a-kind eclipse glasses.

Here, Tase. On the house.

Thanks, bud.

[gasps] You p*ssy.

I'm not a p*ssy.

Do not use that word.
Do not use that word.

[mimicking cat sounds]

Do not use that word.

I am a man.

[Homer]. Jesus Christ,
is this even in English?

There are symbols on here
I've never seen before.

This f*cking smoker for Jimi.

It says here you can put
anything into that chamber

and it infuses flavours.

Like teriyaki birthday cake?

Yeah, teriyaki birthday cake,
f*cking idiot.

[Backwoods].
Lik Call me old fashioned, e?

but meat smoke only
comes in one flavour.

Wood.

Where's the bowl on this?

Can we try packing some bud?

WhereI'm not opposed.his?

Apparently smoke is better
for you than propane.

Propane toxicity
is inconclusive.

Well, I mean, [stutters]
there's a debate on it.

Oh, a little uncertain
ithere, homie?e.

I thought you'd have
this all figured out

being as you're
the research man.

Research operative.

All right, well, why
don't you suit up

and operative this
f*cking torch?

Is this really the best
place to be doing this

if we don't want Jimi to see?

Are we allowed to use
company sh*t like this?

'Cause I was thinking I'd like,

build my girlfriend
a dumb smartphone,

but it would be made outta,
like, wood or cardboard

and there'd be like a little
compass for a GPS,

and a mirror for
selfies and she'd just-

Hey!
- Oh f*ck!

Um, so yeah, if you
selfcould get that-ust-

Hey!
What are you A-holes doing?

Uh, we were just building
the, uh, the [stammers]

The structural support

for the new Cornholius
structure expansion tank.

Looks expensive. What's it do?

It actually, uh, helps the
flow tank expansion machine

Loostructurally support it.do?

f*ck me. I, I can't
keep up with this sh*t.

Tell me about it.
LoI get paid from here down.o?

Do you know what I'm saying?
kee[blows raspberry]it.

Yeah.

Right. Oh, hey, what are
you doing right now?

You wanna play hooky?
- Uh huh.

We need a coffee run.

We need it asap.

Sure. You need help with your
first dirty squirty of the day?

Yeah, I'd be honoured. Sure.

Sure. You need help with your
fAnyway, I'd be like, "Hello?"?

And she'd say, "What?"

Yeah, it's a great
f*cking idea, genius.

Get this thing fired up.
Come on.

We don't have a lot of time.

I'm not getting paid
extra for this bullshit.

I will have two and a half
sugars with a splash of milk.

You'll get black.
- Yeah.

[Dewey]. Don't forget to
buy the glasses.

And don't be handing
out welding shields

so these idiots can
stare at the sun.

I know. You told me
like five times, man.

so these idiots can
sTake your meds...

I'll give you the medicine,
you mouthy bite-sized

graham-cr*cker-eating shithawk.

Dewey, why aren't you working?

Well, because I didn't
know you were there, Todd.

You can't sell merchandise
on the job, d*ck lips.

I'll give you five free
pairs if you don't rat me out.

[whispers] You're supposed
to be handing the hat around

I'll give you five free
pfor Jimi's retirement party...

[whispers] You're supposed
to be hWhat the f*ck? around

[loudly] Why would I do that?
- Shhh!

Quiet, dummy.

[whispers] So we can
upgrade to lobster rolls

instead of those shitty little
sandwiches on white bread

with the crust cut off.

Here. I will do it.

Hey Jimbo!

Hey, we were just
doing a poll.

Uh, what's the strangest thing

you've ever seen in
someone's house?

A pet raccoon.

yTodd, Audrey, I'mn
taking coffee orders.

You still off the lactose? Go.

Ah... do I want tea?

Okay, fine. All black.

[Dewey]. Actually, can I get a-

No juice boxes for you, Dewey.

Be a f*cking man.

Wait, Jimi, you're
gonna miss the eclipse!

No one in this
f*cking hemisphere

is gonna miss the
eclipse, Dewey.

Plus, I've lived
through twenty of 'em.

Who gives a f*ck?

Matcha?

Can you get some oat milk?

[Dewey]. I mean, if they have juice
boxes like fruit punch, Jimi,

just ask at the counter.

[Jimi]. f*ck off.

[sighs] Nobody in, nobody out.

Strict orders.

It's the souleclipse.

f*cking sh*t.

All right. So report me.

They'll move my
retirement date up.

Go ahead.
- Oh snap.

There gonna be a party?

No, they, they better not.

I'm happy for ya, ya grump.

NYou still can't come in...

After everything we've
been through, Marcus?

I'm trying to
NYourun a tight ship. in...

You can reenter in two hours
and twelve minutes.

Okay, fine.
I'm gonna f*ck off.

Find someone who's
free on a Wednesday,

who really likes
I'f*cking coffee.f.

Here. You want one?

f*cking right, I do.

[chuckles] Yeah. Thank you.

That's two, but who
gives a f*ck, right?

Thank you, Jimi.

Watch an episode of
Sesame Street once in a while.

Know the difference
between one and two.

Hurry hard. Hurry hard.

Roach! I need a favour!

Yeah, let's hook up later.

No, no. It's for Jimi.

Yeah.

It for Jimi's retirement.

He doesn't smoke, man!

Look, I'm collecting money.

I got, like, fifty cents.

Some guys put in fifty bucks,
some a hundred.

I got, likeWhy?fty cents.

Because Jimi gave his
life for this company.

Paved the road for all of us.

Yeah, Italian guys
love concrete.

Paved thYou know what? of us.

I'll spot you,

but I'll collect
this afternoon!

Yeah, we can
make out at noon.

I'd have to ask my
girlfriend, though.

Right on.

Hey! Jimi's retirement!

What do you have
to get again?

Chicken wire and wood.

I'm building a chicken coop.

Chickens, eh?

Yeah. Yeah, I'm tired of paying
ten bucks for carton of eggs.

Mm. Why don't you buy from
one of those roadside stands?

'Cause I'm tired of paying
$5 for a carton of eggs.

Sounds like you don't
wanna pay for eggs.

Exactly, yeah.

Hence, chickens.

Yeah?
- Yeah.

Ah, so you pay for feed,
build a coop, buy chickens,

hope they don't die on you,
so they might lay an egg?

That's right, so f*ck you!

hope they don't die on you,
so th[Jimi laughing] egg?

What is a flat white?

White woman with no boobs, buddy.

[chuckles] That
was for Backwoods.

[both laughing]

Jimi's retirement fund.

[man groaning]

Ten bucks. He's never
gonna get to Florida.

So you're the scarecrow guy.

And you're the genius.

This is Scare-Jimi.

Yeah. When that old
meatball's gone,

it'll still be here.

I even made one leg shorter
than the other for realism.

I'm collecting for Jimi.

Oh yeah? Spent all my
money on eclipse glasses.

Gotcha, Lefty.

Do you want me to spot you?

No, I'm good.

I'm exempt.

It's my birthday.

That is not how that works.

T-minus 90 minutes until
Total Eclipse of the Tase.

Come on, Jimi.
Let's find a good spot.

Get your wallets out.

Jimi's retirement fund.

Parking lots in
these places used-

Here, they're still warm.

I mean, they'd be filled with
flatbeds and pickup trucks.

Now it's nothing but
smart cars and e-bikes.

I meanOr is the rickshaw with
flagonna make a comeback?s.

You know, actually Deidre
and I rented one of those

in St. John's one time.

You know, actually Deidre
andThat sounds chilly.ose

No, not unless you
pick up speed. [laughs]

Holy f*ck!
- What?

Now this is a meat wagon.

They could cook a
horse on this f*ck.

You need a horse?

I don't know.

f*ck, you make
three jokes a year.

How am I gonna know?

Too fancy for this simpleton.

Fancy? I know what you mean.

Oh, 'cause you're cheap.

You're a cheap b*stard.
That's what that is.

Oh, Cheap b*stard.cheap.

You're a cheap b*stard.
That'[groaning]t is.

[Dewey]. Now usually a full
union member does this,

but you're ready, okay?

You layer it with
rings like this.

See, it's a about volume,
not presentation.

Looks like real pie, man.

Okay, you find your
centre of gravity

and be sure to flick your
wrists at the apex of the throw.

He is f*cking huge.

Hey, you got an ETA on those
f*ck' tools you borrowed?

f*ck, Jimi. I'm trying.

Uh, these new guys
don't know sh*t.

They just leave the
tools all over the place.

They're f*cking
disrespectful punks.

[Taser]. One of them little pricks
parked in my parking spot.

I keyed that car.

[Taser]. One of them little pricks
parkeReally, Jimi?ng spot.

Nah, I just pissed
on the door handles.

[everyone laughing]

That's really f*cking good.

[worker]. Hey, don't sh*t
your pants, buddy.

Strike now.

But I'm not union.

He's a gentle giant, man.

He's all caught
up in the eclipse.

This is your window
of opportunity.

But I'm like three months from
being sworn in or whatever.

Won't this botch it up for me?

No, I'll put the good
word in for you, buddy.

Come on, come on,
Won't come on, come on.for me?

[Taser]. Hey!

[everyone laughing]

[tense suspenseful music]

[muffled chattering]

[muffled laughing]

[everyone gasping]

[worker]. Payback's a b*tch,
m*therf*cker!

All right, you got me. Dewey.

Remember your birthday's
coming up, bud.

Holy f*ck, Dewey!

Remember your birthday's
cWhat the f*ck?

You let Roach do it.

Do you know what
you've done?

[Taser]. Roach did this?

You let a f*cking
permit pie me?

[Homer] Idiot.
- [Audrey] Tase.

Taser, you good?

[Homer]. It's all right, Tase.
Take a breath.

A hundred percent.

[Homer]. IDon't believe him.e.
He's gonna snap!

Tase, take it easy!
A Take it easy!nt.

[Homer]. IDon't believe him.e.
[Roach gasping]!

Tase, take it easy!
A T[screaming]!nt.

I can't see!

I'm going blind, man!

Ah, I don't know
if you've heard,

but I'm throwing in
the towel at work.

You?

Yes, of course I heard.

You don't keep a secret
like that in this town, man.

I know you got a
prostate exam last week.

Doctor still can't
find his watch.

[Rodd laughing]

I mean, I told those f*ck

to not make a big deal
about my retirement.

And you know what?

They f*cking
actually listened.

Not a congratulations.

Not a f*ck you.

Just nothing.

Yeah, it's a different
generation in there now, man.

Yeah, all they're worried
about now is filming pranks

Yeah, it's a different
genand click-clock videos.an.

They're more concerned
about what's happening

a million miles away

than they are with what's
right in front of 'em.

We used to sneak strippers in
on site when guys were leaving.

I still like strippers.

Strippers are great.

Sir. Sir, this
coupon isn't valid.

How do you figure?

Because it's 12 years old.

Scan it.

Oh, look at that.

Let me scan it.

We can scan it together.

f*ck.

If it'll make you feel
more comfortable.

You know what?

I'd like to speak to
the manager on duty.

I am the manager on duty.

Maybe I'd like to
speak to the manager

of the manager on duty.

Duty. Duty.

Duty. Duty. Duty.

[raised voices chattering]

This freeze-dried hippy f*ck
pied me and Scare-Jimi.

He's not even a union brother.

Only brothers can pie brothers.

Taser, it's your birthday, man.

You got pied.
It's not a big deal.

It's not just my
Taser, f*cking birthday.y, man.

This was a special one and
this f*cking permit knew it.

f*cking relax, Tase.

This is me f*cking relaxed.

Put him down, Tase.

[Audrey]. Put him down, Tase. Come on.

You're better than this.

[Taser grunting]

[Homer]. It's all right. It's okay.

You're okay. It's okay, man.

Don't pop a gut, man.

It's not healthy. [coughs]

You know what else
isn't healthy?

Uh, aspartame?

He's right. Rot you
from the inside out.

It's no big deal, man.

He's right. Rot you
Look, like boop! [chuckles]

[Taser growling]

Ah...

[Taser grunting]

Hey, hey, hey, hey!

[everyone yelling]

I haven't had my coffee
and I'm gonna f*cking snap!

Everybody, calm down!

Are you out of your
g*dd*mn minds?

EOh sh*t, it's Blade!

Shut up.

Look, if you could
leave your contact info,

I could call you later.

Yeah, I like talking
on the phone.

Come on, ya f*cking boob.

Just pay the g*dd*mn bill.

Come oOh, hey, Jimi.boob.

Maybe I can use your
seniors discount,

'cause you're old.

Maybe I can use your
This f*cking guy.

No shame at all.

Actually, admirable.

Sir, you can't just
take that yet.

[Jimi].
Actu Yes we can.ble.

[Rodd]. Yeah, you keep the change.

[Jimi].
How much is the change?

Maybe we can split it.

Yeah, no.

This ain't just about
the f*cking pie.

You casuals show no
f*cking respect.

You run roughshod,

You casuals show no
f*ck up and destroy

and us union boys
get the blame.

f*ck your stupid union rules.

[Roach]. We're just doing what
we're told, man.

And no one tells us nothing.

[Todd]. Exactly.

There's been some And leadership issues, thing.

but we we're
figuring that out.

Not fast enough.

Ah, f*ck off!

You're still in
f*cking diapers.

And King Cannabis deserved it.

And you're probably
just gonna let him slide

'cause he's a f*cking fitter.

f*ck off. I'm pretty
sure he's a painter.

And I'm not letting
anything slide!

But it's still
f*cking bullshit!

Now I'm not even a journeyman,
I'm a f*cking babysitter! And-

Okay guys, guys, guys, stop.

Can we have one day,
just one day,

with no safety infractions?

Can w[Roach].ne day,
This isn't about safety, man.

It's about us bending
over for them.

Oh yeah, it is about safety.

And you non-union asshats are
the reason this place is unsafe.

[Homer]. Thank you!

Why are you even talking?
You're not even union.

You're nothing.

Wow. Look whose ba*ls
decided to drop.

My ba*ls are good.

Oh, you want a piece?

Peewee.

Come on.

You better watch your f*cking
mouth when the lady's around.

Or what?

Or she's gonna run you, b*tch.

Okay, I'd like to see her try.

We got nothing to lose.

Okay, I'll find something. try.

[Homer grunting]

[angry voices yelling]

Dewey, you're a real
f*cking chicken sh*t.

It's not my fault Tase
can't take a joke.

No, you can't take a hint.

You know what,
enough of this.

Hey lift guy,
will you take me up?

Jesus Christ!

Hey! Hey, guys.

Hey!

Owwwww!

[Audrey]. Guys! Guys!

OFuck!!

Excuse me, but...

[lift horn beeping]

Everyone, calm your t*ts!

This is ridiculous!

We should be
working together.

Look, we've all made
mistakes, okay? But-

W[Homer]. be
Yeah, some more than others.

[Audrey]. We learned because some union
members showed us the way.

The only difference Yeahbetween us permitsthers.

and being a full
union member-

TConfidence? Logic? YReason? Basic humanity?ers.

Length of their pubes?

Yes. No, it's not about pubes.

Taser, you don't get it.

The company wants us to
fight each other, okay?

Ta Don't you get that?t.

That's by design.

She's right.

You guys come together for
some insignificant sunspot

that you'll forget
in about 20 minutes.

Imagine what the
f*ck could be done

if we just gave a
sh*t about each other.

[Todd]. Yeah, she's got a point.

[crowd murmuring]

Yes, Roach?

I've been working
casual for this place

for over six months and
I got stitches in my bag.

[Steph] Sure did!
- Twice.

[Taser]. [groans] Twice?

How do I get in the clubhouse
if I'm not allowed up the tree?

What the f*ck?

I think what Roach is
trying to say here

is that he wants to
be a full member,

but he doesn't know
what the next steps are.

That's what I meant, yeah.

He needs a voice.

We all need someone
to vouch for us.

He neTotally.ice.

Someone with a
good reputation.

[Todd]. Absolutely.

[whisper] Todd,
it's you, buddy.

Oh, f*ck. Okay.

If you permits can get
your sh*t together

and keep the fist fighting
for special occasions,

as General Foreman,
I will help out.

Alright, I'll throw in a
word for the carps. f*ck.

Sorry, amigo, I
was way outta line.

I haven't had my
morning coffee and I'll,

I'll straighten everything
out with a Roach c*ck.

All good.

Sorry for pulling your hair.

Sorry about your back.

Sick.
- [Steph] Thatta boy, Backwoods.

Good job, Audrey.

You two, with me. Now.

That was f*cking awesome.

[Backwoods]. Way to go, Auds!

That[mysterious music]me.

[Taser]. Oh, I can't believe
they got you, buddy.

Let me wipe that for you.

Ah, Jimi.

So, what have we
learned today?

Uh, like don't ever pie anyone
unless they're in on the joke.

And like, uh, only
if I'm in the union.

And?

Uh, oh, uh, uh, I should
never listen to Dewey.

Excellent. And how
about yourself?

UhI shouldn't strangleld
people without their consent.

Mm, that's not
what we discussed.

I shouldn't strangle anyone?

Am I keeping you
wfrom something?d.

The eclipse.

Look, I, I thought I
was something special.

Turns out I was just
being a big, moody b*tch.

Totally.

Listen, if you two can agree to
behave and make better choices,

then we can just wrap
this whole thing up.

Yeah. Uh, yes,
Mom, ma'am. Miss.

Are you, are you single?

Yeah. Uh, yes,
You have my word.

And like Scare-Jimi says,

Yeah. Uh, yes,
"Come on, guys. Holy f*ck!"

Okay, you three
have a great day.

[Roach laughing]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Move, move, move, move!

Whoa. Hey, guys.

Clear, clear, clear, clear!

Oh, sh*t. We're late.

Here? Okay.

Ahh.

What?

That's it? What?

Your eyes stinging
in the head?

Oh, f*ck.

Watch out, man.

This is bullshit!

It's my birthday!

They're still stinging.

Taser? [chuckles]

Where'd you go, man?

Awesome.

W[Snax chittering]n?

What do you think, Snaxi-Boy?

Not bad, huh, bud?

Just make sure you have the
beers and the painkillers

on ice.

I'll be by after work
with some tools.

Conch issued?

For sure.

There we go.
Thank you so much.

I could use a new grinder.

Todd left my old one
out in the rain.

Kids always ruin your sh*t.

I'll score you one, e
ouno problem.in.

See, that's what I miss
right there, you know?

You go down to work,
grab some free stuff,

hang out with the boys, huh?

f*ck.

I don't need a
g*dd*mn chicken coop.

Well, you wanna
bring it all back?

Yeah, yeah. Let's get
this sh*t outta here.

Well, you wanna
bI don't want it.?

But no, wait, wait, wait.

I may wanna build
something stupid next week.

Like a trellis or a
garden bed or something.

That's what they don't
prepare you for, Jimi,

when you hang up the gloves,
it's the g*dd*mn boredom, man.

I know you can't be a tradesman
forever, but don't retire.

You know what you should do?

You should get like a part-time
job as a business agent

down at one of the halls.

You should get like a part-time
f*cking desk job? f*ck that.

You literally sat in the tool
crib for thirty years, Jimi.

That's like 200 eclipses.

Next guy who mentions
the f*cking eclipse,

I'm gonna kick him in the nuts,
I swear.

Well, it's over
now anyway, so...

Don't, don't, don't say it.

Don't say eclipse? Eclipse.
now a- f*ck.so...

Of course you want
Don't, to say eclipse.ay it.

Why would I say eclipse if you
f*cking don't like eclipse?

Okay, the eclipse is now over.

Please return to your
respective work.

Don't forget your glasses
for the next one!

Please return to your
Five for a buck.

Fifty cents!

PlAll right, this isr
Medhi's handiwork.

Holy sh*t!

It's supposed to
resemble the refinery.

Looks like smokestacks,
most of the exhaust vents,

some other cute
sh*t down here.

Looks like smokestacks,
mosThat's pretty sweet.ts,

Might be a good way to help
Jimi get into this hate parade

he's got going for me.

[Homer]. Good point.

I approve. Let's get it done.

Listen Todd, this is a lot
of effort for a side project.

We're gonna have our hands full
training all these newbies.

We'll figure it out. For Jimi.

There's a little money
for Jimi's party.

Throw that in the hat.

Put your money away, Tase.
- Okay.

This should cover the
all-you-can-eat lobster rolls.

What?
- Jesus Christ.

How many f*cking
pairs did you sell?

Question is, how
many did I buy?

I got a little excited.

Stools? Come here.

So, Mr. GF, what's the plan?

You can tell Jenn,

the permittees are ready
to join the union.

[Audrey]. Don't you get the feeling
that Jenn doesn't want that?

That she wants things
to stay the same?

Why would she wanna do that?

Unless she wants the
permittees to be permanent.

What does that mean?

No more unions.

[quietly] Oh.

Sir, please, why don't you just
let me give you the discount.

No, it's fine. I can wait.

I don't wanna get
you in trouble.

Maybe we can order in.

You like shawarma?

It's fine, I guess.

Mmm, shawarma.

It's Shawarma?uess.

Shawarma.

Shawarma?

Shawarma.

[in funny voice] Shawarma.

Shawarma.

Chicken shawarma.

♪ I'm tired of waiting ♪

♪ I am tired of waiting ♪

♪ I'm tired of waiting ♪

♪ I a ♪ I am tired ♪ing ♪

♪ I'm tired of waiting ♪

♪ I am tired of waiting ♪

♪ I'm tired of waiting ♪

♪ I am tired ♪

♪ Of the long way down ♪

♪ The long way down ♪

♪ The long way down ♪ ♪

♪ The long way down, hey ♪

[alt-rock music]

["Tired Of Waiting"
by The Trews]

[screaming]