01x03 - You Are The Master Of Your Own Emotions

[bunniefuu]

♪

♪

I can't believe we're both

dating guys at the same time.

The only thing that would make

this better is if they were twins.

Oh, I like Daniel, but

we've been out once,

and it was to a party with

free food, so it doesn't count.

Oh, that was mine and

John's first date, too.

- You know what'd be fun?

- ROBIN: If we changed poses?

STUDENT: Yeah, right.

Uh, yes, let's release tree pose

and fall into a forward bend.

Uttanasana.

What would be fun is a double date.

I don't know. I have to

take it slow this time.

I don't want to crash and

burn like I did with Ben.

You don't want it to fizzle out either.

Mm. She gets it.

[GASPS] Sorry.

She said, "She gets it."

And I don't know if she

means I get it or "Shut up.

My friend gets it."

Please don't even think about it.

Come on. We'll go to a brewery.

It'll be max casual. People

wear their retainers there.

Okay, but nothing romantic. Seriously.

Same page.

You're such a poet.

[LAUGHS] I know, right?

[BOTH LAUGH]

♪

♪

So I hate asking this,

but should I get on your lap

or do you want to get on mine?

How about I just climb on my shoulders.

Oh, smart. Then we can

put on a trench coat

and go sneak into an R-rated movie.

I don't know if we have to go anywhere

to see an R-rated movie.

[LOUISE GIGGLING]

[MAGGIE CLEARS THROAT]

Mags, do you know what I just realized?

Since we all went on our

first date on the same day,

we're going to have

the same anniversary.

Can I just say,

this is super big of you, Maggie.

After our relationship and all.

We went on one date.

Oh wow, you kept count.

I'm sorry.

I can't believe I'm a rebound guy.

Dude. I love basketball.

Great.

I thought you normally

grade homework in the car

on the way to school.

Yeah, I'm just proofing my

sister's engagement announcement.

There's a full page of champagne emojis.

Well, Amy and Dave's wedding

is going to be a ton of fun.

An open bar

your family, an open bar.

And according to this,

there's a live peacock

available for photos.

Oh, we're going to be in so many photos.

Do you want to do those

face-framing highlights

we've been talking about?

I'm sure I wasn't part

of that conversation.

But you should do Amy's hair

for the wedding. She'd love that.

Hmm. She's probably getting

someone like Chaz Dean.

Who's Jazz Dean?

- Chaz.

- Chaz Dean?

Yeah, he's super famous.

And anyway, it's not like your

sister is a huge fan of mine.

What are you talking

about? Amy loves you.

I don't really get

that feeling from her.

I once asked her if she

wanted to go grab a coffee,

and she gave me her order.

♪

BOTH: Ohh!

JOHN: That's a big whoo!

Oh, so we love Daniel, huh?

We are cautiously

optimistic about Daniel.

Oh, come on. That beard? Hmm. Smexy.

- What is that?

- Smart and sexy. Like a professor.

I did have this weird vision

at the housewarming party

that things might work out with him.

Well, then just go for it.

Yeah, but after what happened with

Ben, I'm wary of trusting my visions.

But Daniel does get major points

for helping the waitress

clean up that spill.

Well, he did knock over

an entire pitcher of beer.

That was you, Lou.

You kicked it out of his hand

while John was twirling you.

LOUISE: Oh, isn't John so fun?

He's so fun. Like husband fun.

Ooooh!

This is a song I wrote for my dog ♪

Only he can understand ♪

[HOWLS]

- Bark, bark.

- Exactly.

Yes. John is so great.

I'm so happy for you, Lou.

♪

[DOOR CLOSES]

Oh, thank you so much for helping me

with my engagement announcement.

Of course. I cut it down to six pages.

Oh, perfect. I'll add

it all back in tonight.

Great.

So do you have a hair person

in mind for the wedding?

Chaz Dean.

Wow. This guy must be really good.

Mm-hmm. He's Chaz Dean, Ben.

- Why not Jessie?

- Hmm!

You know, that is a really great idea.

I'd love that. What a fun idea.

- Right?

- Yeah.

And she's really talented,

and it would mean a lot to her.

Of course, it would.

Amy, this is great. This

is such a huge relief.

And don't tell Jessie I told you this,

but she's under the impression

that you don't like her.

Oh Ben!

Wrap me up in a straitjacket and

fly me over the cuckoo's nest,

because that is crazy.

- That is crazy, right?

- Yes, it's crazy.

I mean, do you see the chalk outline

of my body on the floor right now?

Because you k*lled me

with that information.

[DOOR OPENS]

Did you tell your sister I

didn't think she liked me?

What?

Wrap me in a straitjacket,

'cause that's crazy.

Okay, well, she just left

me the weirdest voicemail.

AMY: [OVER PHONE] Hey,

sister friend. [CHUCKLES]

Uh, I just want to say

that I love ya, obviously.

And, hey, thanks for

the coffee you bought me

at the mall that time.

So hot. Yummy.

Anyway, thanks again.

- Mwah.

- Well, that is that's nice.

Yeah. And then right

after, she Venmo'd me $22.

Is that how much she

thinks coffee costs?

Babe, don't meddle, okay.

It's fine. I honestly don't care.

Look, I'm not meddling, okay.

I'm just getting in the middle of

things to make sure it gets better.

[CHUCKLING]

- Thank god you're here.

- Thank god you're here.

I just found the funniest video

of Brendan Fraser clapping.

[WHINES]

What is wrong? You love Brendan Fraser.

I broke up with John, and

you know he loves to clap.

Wait, you broke up? I

thought you liked him.

I did, but I could tell that you

didn't see us together in the future.

So I figured why waste my time?

Wait, I didn't say that.

- Not with words.

- What do you mean?

Obviously, you have your whole rule

about not giving your

friends any readings

but when you have a vision,

you kind of have a tell.

I do not have a tell.

- [MAGGIE SCOFFS]

- Oh yeah?

Okay, watch. This is you.

Hmm.

Okay. I do not do that.

Yeah, you do. Other times, you wince.

One time, you swallowed a fly,

and it went in your

mouth and never came out.

Wait, you, you broke up with

John because I made a face.

- That's terrible.

- It's not my fault.

You're very expressive

when you get a bad vision.

- It wasn't a bad vision.

- He was writing a song shirtless.

Ohh!

Okay. Well, I love it when he does that.

He thinks better with his

shirt off. He calls it noodling.

It was about his dog, which sounds cute,

but it was mostly howling.

He's so creative.

Oh yeah. There you go.

You're doing it again.

That's just my face!

I swallowed a fly?

Yeah. It was big.

♪

Dad, do I have a face?

Of course, you do.

Got eyes and a nose

and those big old eyebrows of yours.

No. Louise says that she can see

when I'm having a good or a bad vision

and that she's been

reading my tells for years.

Huh.

Well, maybe what you

need is a poker face.

Like when I play poker.

- Mm-hmm.

- Here. Watch.

This is what I look like

when I have a straight.

This is what I look

like when I have nothing.

How do you do that?

Try thinking of something

happy but don't show me.

[MIMICS BUZZER] Honey, you're showing.

Okay, if you can't hide your

tells, you can always cover them

by distracting the other person.

That's what I do.

Sometimes I'll just

suddenly speak in French.

[SPEAKING FRENCH]

It totally throws them.

[CHUCKLES]

You should really teach a masterclass.

♪

♪

Oh, hi.

Uh, I, I can come back.

Uh, no. Oh, that's not,

that's not what it looks like.

I was just, um summoning demons.

Well, then, okay, it's

exactly what it looks like.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

I was in the neighborhood,

thought I'd bring you some dumplings.

Oh my goodness.

I really don't want to leave, but

I should get back to my workout.

You were in the middle of

a workout? You're in jeans.

You can avoid a workout in any clothing.

[CHUCKLES]

Hey, what are you doing this weekend?

The Renaissance Faire is in town,

and I don't know if you know

this, but they have goats.

And honestly, I'm reaching here.

I really am.

I just, I don't know, I'd

really like to see you again.

I don't know. Can we speak Ye

Olde English the whole time?

Thine inquiry doth

I regretted that as

soon as I started it.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Alright. Oh, almost

forgot the best part.

You must love these.

♪

Ah, fortune cookies.

Or are they your competition?

- You know what?

- Maybe we're moving too fast.

Are we moving too fast?

Uh, you know what? Yeah, I

definitely could slow down right now.

I mean, I can feel my food coming up.

I'm actually worried that you might have

to carry me back to my CrossFit class.

No, I just mean sometimes in the past,

I've jumped in a little too quickly,

and then things have sort of exploded.

Yeah, of course.

You know what? I will text you.

We will figure it out. No pressure.

None at all.

- I'll text you.

- Okay.

[DOOR CLOSES]

- [DOOR CLOSES]

- BEN: Amy?

I want to hear you say it, okay.

I want you to say that

you don't like Jessie.

- What are you talking about?

- Of course, I like Jessie.

- Then why won't you

- What are you wearing?

Onion goggles.

Oh. Then why won't you ask her

to do your hair for the wedding?

Mm. I really did not

want to have to say this,

but the reason I'm not asking

Jessie to do my hair for the wedding

is because I'm not so sure

she'll be at the wedding.

What?

Because I'm not so sure you

two will still be together.

We've been together

since high school, Amy.

No, Ben.

You were together in high

school, but then you broke up

because you wanted to see

what else was out there.

And then you were together in college.

- Mm-hmm.

- But then she broke up

because she wanted to see

what else was out there.

Plus, who knows what's going

to happen between you and

[WHISTLES]

Santa?

No, Ben. Maggie.

She lives upstairs from you.

I was gesturing upstairs.

- Maggie and I are just friends.

- Mm.

Alright. That has

nothing to do with this.

All I am saying is,

what if my wedding lands

during one of the breakup

portions of your relationship?

Okay, what if the sky explodes

and pieces of planet fall

all over your reception?

Well, that's what the

tents are for, Ben.

Okay, got it.

Okay, I'm sorry that you

are so upset about this.

If I wasn't wearing these onion

goggles, I would be sobbing right now.

Fine. Do your own hair.

I would literally never do my own hair.

I'm going to hire someone. Obviously.

That's what we're fighting

about in the first place.

Oh. Hey.

Hi.

Sorry. I can come back.

- No, no, no. Don't go.

- Just finishing up here.

Guess I'll have to get used to folding

a fitted sheet in front of somebody.

It's a lot of pressure.

Oh, there's a trick to it.

You just ball it up,

and then you shove it

in the back of the closet

and make sure no one sees it.

I hear that's a good

thing to do with problems.

Yeah.

Are you okay?

Yes, I am.

Really? Because you just put

all your folded laundry

back into the dryer.

Yes, I did.

Let's just say I wish I was

an only child for one day.

Preferably Christmas,

because, you know, the gifts.

But today would be nice too.

Well, honestly, it's not that much fun.

I never got a bunk bed,

and there was nobody

there to turn to and say,

"Hey, Dad's wearing a

woman's blazer, right?"

[LAUGHS]

- So how do you

- fold a fitted sheet?

Uh, slowly, and with a crippling

fear of making a mistake.

Oh.

That's another good

way to tackle problems.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

- See you.

- See ya.

Hey, your door was open.

- Hi, Mags.

- Hi.

- Look who's here.

- We got back together.

Wow, that's great.

Uh, yeah, those last couple days

without Louise were so rough.

Now I know how you

felt after we broke up.

Yes.

Anyway, I'm so happy for you two.

Aww, thanks.

And I can tell by the look on

your face that you really mean it.

[CHUCKLES]

Get in here, Mogg.

He's got fun nicknames for everybody.

Oh.

[ALL LAUGHING]

I'm sorry, Logg, but it's

just not going to work.

It's you.

Not me.

[HAPPY MURMURING]

Je m'appelle Mogg.

[SPEAKING FRENCH]

- [JOHN IMITATING FRENCH]

- Okay. Oui, oui, oui!

[ALL LAUGH]

♪

♪

[CELL PHONE CHIMES]

- Who keeps texting?

- Hmm? Oh, nobody.

Hmm. Nobody sounds interesting.

Why aren't you texting Nobody back?

Oh, I really want to.

But, you know, that's a losing game,

because I text him back and

then he texts me back again,

and then I text back again and

then, boom, carpal tunnel. So

Well, it sounds like somebody

is textually frustrated.

Hey. What's wrong? That was hilarious.

[SIGHS]

I had a vision of Louise getting dumped,

and I obviously can't tell her.

I don't know what to do.

Well, that's nothing new.

I mean, you have a no visions

policy with your friends.

Yeah, but maybe I was giving

her signals on purpose.

Like, I wanted her to know

what was going to happen.

Yeah.

Like when mom tells

me to change my jacket

because I'm accidentally

wearing her blazer.

Mmm, no.

I just feel horrible because I

know how sad Louise is going to be,

and she doesn't even see it coming.

[KNOCKS TWICE]

Well, welcome to parenthood, sweetheart.

- [KNOCKS TWICE]

- What does that mean?

Well, don't you think, as parents,

that we can see the mistakes

you're going to make

before you make them?

Like when you thought it was a good

idea to paint on a beauty mark every day

because you thought nobody would notice.

Why did you let that happen?

How else would you have learned?

No. We have to just let

you make your own mistakes.

[CELL PHONE CHIMES]

For instance, I might think

it's a mistake to get texts

from somebody you clearly

like and not respond,

but I'm not going to say anything.

Okay. Are you smiling

because of my very sage advice

or because you have a good hand?

No.

No. You got something.

I can tell. I fold.

- I got nothing.

- Ah!

[SIGHS]

You know, I'm really not looking

forward to dinner tonight.

Ben's just going to make me

feel guilty the whole time.

Don't you think you should feel guilty?

I mean, you basically told your brother

you don't believe in his relationship.

Well, that's not really fair.

Ben doesn't understand

the position he put me in.

Look, if someone in my family

didn't fully accept you,

it would be like they k*lled my

spirit and dimmed my inner light.

Oh no, not your inner light.

When you first introduced me to Ben,

I was like some rando

you met in a tent, right?

Yeah.

- But he accepted me right away.

- No questions asked.

That's what family does.

Thank you for always

keeping me grounded.

That's what I'm here for.

Um Oh.

- Hey, what's wrong?

- [SIGHS]

I'm sorry. I thought I could

do this, but I just can't.

What do you mean?

You broke up with me out of nowhere,

and it really triggered

my abandonment issues.

Now, I'm constantly afraid you're

going to break up with me again.

I'm like a rescue dog that

pees when you touch it.

Aww, John.

[NERVOUS CHUCKLE]

But, you know, that was

a total misunderstanding.

Like, I didn't even really

want to break up with you.

That just makes it even more confusing.

And I'm hardly ever confused.

Look, I can't eat, I can't sleep,

I can't write my music at all.

Even when I take my shirt off.

Nothing. I mean, the muse is gone.

And my shirt's gone, too,

because I can't remember where I put it.

John, we're so good together.

You know, I mean, I love

it when you pick me up

and carry me around.

Do you want to do that?

Maybe that would help.

No. No, no, no.

My, my dojo bros warned me to

be more cautious with my heart.

They said we were stuck

in a pursue-withdraw cycle.

You're breaking up with me?

I'm sorry, Logg, but it's

just not going to work.

It's you. Not me.

I'm blindsided.

Is that the one where you

can't see far or close up?

Both.

Great work on the

engagement announcement, Ben.

Thank you.

I really liked all the champagne emojis.

- Oh, that was all me, babe.

- Oh.

So, Jessie, I hate that this

is, like, out of the blue,

but I've been wanting

to ask you something.

JESSIE: Oh, Amy, it's okay.

It's really fine if you want to

have someone else do your hair.

- No, it's not that.

- I actually wanted to know

if you'd be one of my bridesmaids.

- What? Really?

- Uh-huh.

You're like my family, and

I want you there by my side.

Oh my god, Amy, I would love to!

Thank you.

And also, yes, I would love

it if you would do my hair.

Of course. And maybe the

other bridesmaids' hair, too.

And my mom's.

Oh, wow.

I mean, while I'm there,

I might as well just do the

groom's side, too, right?

- Oh my gosh, would you?

- Hmm, that'd be great.

AMY: That'd be so awesome.

I didn't want to ask, but

♪

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Hi.

John broke up with me.

- I know.

- You know?

But you didn't make a weird face

or swallow a fly or anything.

Oh my god, how many

times have I done that?

- Just the once.

- But it really stuck with me.

Oh, Lou.

I, I didn't make a face

because I've been working

on hiding my tells.

- What? No, no, no, no.

- You can't do that. I need those.

- You don't.

- Yes, I do.

I can't go through life acting

solely on my own instincts.

- They suck.

- Lou, it's okay to make mistakes.

In fact, it's right to.

Yeah, but I don't wanna.

I mean, can't you just

keep feeding me fish

instead of trying to

teach me how to fish?

That sounds really hard.

You're doing better than I am.

At least you go for it.

I've got a real catch, and

I'm afraid to reel him in.

Well, if there's anything

that John taught me,

it's that you don't want to be

in a pursue-withdrawal cycle.

Hmm.

- I miss him.

- Aww.

He also taught me that light

particles travel in waves

and that our perception

defines our reality.

And that you can brush

your teeth with bark.

There we go.

♪

[SIGHS]

♪

♪

[CELL PHONE BUZZING]

- Uh-oh. Moment of truth.

- Is this a butt dial?

Hello?

Oh boy, this is a butt dial.

Now people have seen me answer

the phone, so I can't just hang up.

Sorry. It's a business call.

Tell them that's unacceptable!

We need the money up front!

- Uh, no, no.

- This isn't a butt dial.

But who is this captain of industry?

DANIEL: Oh, thank god you're there.

I didn't know how I was

going to close that deal.

Speaking of closing deals,

is that Ren Faire still going on?

Because I am free on the morrow.

My lady doth changed her mind, I see.

We literally can do anything else.

Oh, thank god. [CHUCKLES]

♪

This is a song I wrote for my dog ♪

Only you can understand

we're walking through fog ♪

This is a song, sing along ♪

My dog is long and black ♪

[HOWLS]

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

Time to be grateful.

- Okay.

- Oh. Okay.

[HOWLS]

theme music playing ♪

[CLUCKING]