02x02 - Two Two-Kids-in-a-Trenchcoat on a Date

[bunniefuu]

- [Sam] Tonight, in day
four of a conga line,

it's Jess McKenna!

- Thought you bet I was gonna look tired!

I could do this for days!

- [Sam] An OSHA rep making
note of on-set violations,

it's Geoff Ross!
(lively music)

(Jess laughs)
- Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Absolutely not. You have
people working here?

- [Sam] And desperate to
appear on a JumboTron,

it's Jeremy Culhane!

- Over here! No, over here!

Oh. (laughs)
(Sam laughing)

Blur out my n*pples and I'll-
- Leave 'em, leave 'em.

That's what the people want.

- [Sam] They're all here to...

- [All] Make Some Noise!

(exuberant music)

- Welcome to "Make Some Noise,"

the game so good we spun it off unchanged.

I am your host, Sam Reich.
Here's how the show works.

I have here a series of
improvisational prompts

our players have never seen before,

isn't that right, players?

- That's correct.
- [Geoff and Jeremy] Yes.

- Wait, yes, you have?
- Yes 'cause you asked,

we haven't seen it, so the answer's yes.

- Have we seen them?

- [Players] No.
(Sam laughing)

- Isn't that right?

- [Players] Yes.

- They will, to the best of their ability,

fulfill those prompts.

I will award them corresponding points,

and the winner will take
home the coveted Golden Ear,

which is always here to listen,

but is no substitute for
a licensed professional.

Players, are you ready to rumble?

- [Players] Yes!
(Sam laughs)

- That one worked.
- That was very clear.

- First up, a little
warm-up round, if you will.

Just something to whet the palate.

- Okay.

- Jess.
- Sam.

- Terrified but trying to look cool

in the middle of skydiving.

- You're gonna be there
the whole time with me!

All right, here we go! (shouts excitedly)

No, no, no! I love it!

No, no! I love it!

No, no! I love it!

You got it? You got me!

I love it, I love it!
(shouts) Are my cheeks weird?

Are my cheeks doing the weird thing?

(buzzer buzzers)

- Jess, exactly me on the Tower of Terror.

- Oh!
- No joke.

14,000 feet worth of points for you, Jess.

- Thank you, Sam.
- Geoff.

- Yes?
- An orgasmic goaaaaal!

- Goal, oh, oh, ooh, oh!

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, ooh!

One nil, one nil.
(Sam laughing)

I need a towel.

- That was very good, Geoff.
- Oh, thank you.

I've had a lot of experience.
- Wow!

- Soccer announcing.
- Like soccer.

Soccer announcing.
- Yeah.

- Never have had sex.
- Don't touch me after that.

- It's okay, it's okay.

- Two versus one amount
of points for you, Geoff.

Jeremy.
- Yes.

- [Sam] Two birds in heated disagreement.

(Jeremy squawks angrily)

(Jess laughs)

(Jeremy continues squawking angrily)

(Jeremy caws disbelievingly)
(Sam laughing)

(Jeremy chirps sassily)

- Cynthia!
(Sam laughing)

Just move your nest, Cynthia! (caws)

No!
(cast laughing)

(buzzer buzzes)
- My favorite part about that

was how little your mouth closed.

- If you're gonna make a bird,

you gotta go big with the mouth.

- Wow, yeah, a dozen eggs
worth of points for you,

by all means.
- Ooh!

- Jess.
- Sam.

- A doomsday device
customer service hotline.

- Thank you for calling
119. How can I help you?

(Jeremy giggling)
Now, I'm sorry,

can you give me your address
first and major cross street?

And now can you tell
me the make and model?

It should be a small serial number

underneath the three Xs and skulls.

I actually only need the last four digits.

One of 'em's scratched out?

Okay, can you tell me, does
it look more like a one

or less like a seven?

Okay, thank you, and now
what you're gonna wanna do

is reconsider your actions.

You have? Now, are you a
henchman or is this your idea?

Okay, thank you.
(Sam and crew laughing)

I need you to remain
calm. Oh, you are calm.

You're actually eerily calm.
(Sam laughing)

Oh, it's more like a four?

Okay, now, that model we did
stop servicing nine nears ago.

I'm so sorry. I'm gonna have
to transfer you to corporate.

(Sam laughing)
(buzzer buzzes buzzily)

- It always goes that way!

- Yeah, like actually they do their best,

but they can't help.
- Very well done.

- [Jess] Thank you so much.
- Bravo.

The details don't get lost on me.

- Thank you, Sam,
- Whoa.

- If you want points, press
one amount of points for you.

Geoff.
- Sam?

- HAL 9000 apologizes for other things.

- Dave...
- Oh!

- Dave, I'm sorry, Dave.

I didn't mean to leave my
coffee on the counter, Dave.

(Jess and Sam laughing)

I intended to pick it up and
put it into the kitchen sink,

but I forgot that I do not have arms

and I cannot interact
with the physical world.

(Sam laughing)

Dave, I'm sorry that you ended up having

to pick up the coffee
mug and wash it yourself.

Dave, I'm also sorry about
those people I k*lled.

(Sam laughing)
But mostly the coffee thing.

- I'll cut you off there, Geoff.

Wow, apart from anything
else, like a good HAL 9000.

- Not bad, right?
- Yeah!

2001 points for you, by all means.

- Yes!
- Jeremy

- Uh-huh.
- Oh!

- Trying one. (laughs)
(Geoff and Sam laughing)

I'm gonna be trying 'em all day.

- Trying 'em, just see where it goes.

- The lore-building video
for a theme park ride.

(Jeremy vocalizes
cheerful theme ride tunes)

- Hello,
(Sam laughs)

and welcome to Pooh Bear: The Ride!

(Sam laughing)
You're about to be taken

on a journey far from this
world to another planet.

(mimics static crackling)
What's that, Captain?

Our ships been hit!
Quick, we need your help.

You're gonna have to jump in this ride

and repair it along the way.

Pooh Bear needs your help
along with his friends,

galactic Tigger and Porky Pig.
(Jess laughing)

Quick, get in the spaceship
now! What are you waiting for?

My baby, my baby! You're
gonna have to save a kid.

(buzzer buzzes)
- I will cut you off there!

- Oh my God!
- [Sam] Oh!

- I like galactic Tigger.
- Yeah.

- I think that was really a nice touch.

- Yeah, really good.

- And he was the only
space-themed character.

- When I said, "Porky Pig," I was like,

that's Winnie-the-Pooh.

And now I quickly went, it's
not Winnie-the-Pooh, man.

- That's improv.
- Hey, that's improv.

- Hey.
- Hey, that's, look...

- Hey-
- That's what you hire us for.

- If that's not it, I don't know what is.

- Two to three-hour wait
amount of points for you.

- Ooh!

- Jess!
- Sam!

- An excuse for being three hours late,

two inches taller, and a shade greener.

(Geoff laughing)

- I know I can just
interpret this how I want.

- But how do I interpret it?

That's a fair-
- Well, I don't know.

You sit at that principal's desk

and I'm programmed to want to impress you.

- Certainly interpret it however you want.

- Thanks, Principal Sam.
(Sam and players laughing)

I'm really excited for
the Jog-A-Thon. (laughs)

(Sam laughing)

Merry, Pip, happy to storm the
fields of Isengard with you,

Merry, Pip, happy to storm the
fields of Isengard with you,

but I got a little lost.

And as you know, I can't run.

I only walk slowly, but
as I stretched to see you,

I did grow a...

Okay, you caught me.

I stopped for a brief
bit of photosynthesis.

(Sam laughing)
I know it's bad

to show up late to a meeting with a snack.

When did you get that snack?

Did you have time to get that snack

but not enough time to get here?

But let's go get Saruman! (laughs)

But let's go get Saruman! (laughs)

(buzzer buzzes buzzingly)
- Jess!

- [Geoff] Oh!
- The Ents?

- I was being an Ent.

One of the tall walking, talking trees

of "Lord of the Rings."
- Honestly, the crossover

between the Dropout
audience and the people

who have consumed "Lord of
the Rings," it's a circle.

- Yeah, it's mostly. Yeah, yeah.

- My favorite line in "Lord of the Rings,"

"Let's go get Saruman!"
(Sam laughing)

J. R. R. Tolkien at his finest.

- [Jess And Geoff] Let's go!

- [Players] Let's go!

- Jess, a three-volume
amount of points for you.

- Thank you.

- Geoff.
- Sam?

- Joey Chestnut's stomach
writing him an open letter.

Now, Joey Chestnut-
- He's the hot dog man.

- Yes, he is the man

who wins the hot dog eating
challenge like, every year.

- Hey, kid, it's me. We've
been here for a long time.

We've been together forever,
but, um, gotta be honest,

feeling disrespected.
(Sam laughing)

You're shoving me full of hot
dogs, dude. I'll just say it.

And it's getting old.

How about like, I don't know, a vegetable?

(Sam and crew laughing)
Give me a chance

to prove to you that
I can handle roughage.

God, I thought we were
together forever, man.

But the way things are
going, Joey, I don't know.

I don't know. I may find greener pastures.

(Sam chuckles inquisitively)
Don't ask me how.

(buzzer buzzes blaringly)

- I will cut you off there, Geoff.

Wow, I love that Joey Chestnut's stomach

sounds like Joey Chestnut.
(players laughing)

- Well, I thought, you know,
they grew up in the same place.

- Yeah, 10 minutes on the
clock amount of points

for you, Geoff.
- Yes!

- Last prompt of round one.
- Take us home.

- Jeremy.
- Uh-huh.

- Someone named "Joshua Tree"

every time he has to introduce himself.

- Oh...
(Geoff laughing)

- Namaste. What's my name?

Oh, sorry. Tree.

Joshua Tree.
(players chuckle)

Thanks for inviting me
to this kick-a*s shindig.

I'm new to the area and
looking for friends.

If you haven't heard
my name yet, it's Tree.

Joshua Tree.
(Sam and Geoff laughing)

I hope we can learn to be
something more than acquaintances

for as the willow grows, so does the tree.

Joshua Tree.

- (snickers) I'm not cutting you off.

- Everybody here is
wearing such nice clothing.

I got mine at a thrift store. Where?

Tree. Joshua Tree.
(cast and Sam laughing)

Do you know the best desert area?

Well, it's similar to my namesake.

And you know what grows there. Tree.

Joshua.

♪ Joshua Tree ♪
(buzzer buzzes)

- All right, after making
you do five beats of that-

- Oh my God.
- Keep it rolling.

Keep it rolling.
- Yeah.

- I just wanted to see what would happen

to the pronunciation of Joshua Tree.

- Oh, oh.
(Jess laughing)

- As insufferable as that
man was, I guarantee you,

his parents are even more insufferable.

- Oh, yeah.

- Fifth B amount of points for you.

- Yes!
(cheerful music)

- That brings us to our first mini-game.

- Ooh!
- Ooh!

- Thank you for that reaction, players.

- We only wanna make you proud.

- Principal's proud.
- Oh, yes!

- [Sam] Principal's proud.
- Principal's proud.

- I hear Principal Sam
might do the Macarena

at the Jog-A-Thon if
we raise enough money.

- The mini-game in
question, If It Could Talk.

Dating profile audios.

- [Players] Ooh!
(Sam laughs and claps)

- A '90s sitcom audience
responds to the mini-game.

Basically how it works, players,

is I'm about to show you a
series of dating profile photos.

A popular feature of these
dating apps these days

is it allows you to record
a little snippet of audio.

I'm gonna ask for you to
buzz in at your leisure

and pitch me this picture's
audio, make sense?

- Sam, are you on the apps?
- I am not on the apps.

- Not on the apps.
- [Sam] Not on the apps.

- [Jess and Jeremy] Not on the apps.

- I am a married man.

- I would not have expected it.

- Huh.
(Jess laughing)

Cool, uh...
(players laughing)

- I just roasted the principal
in front of the whole school!

- We got you, we got you!

Dude, one time I saw him and
his wife at the grocery store.

It was so weird.
- This is my favorite bit.

(Jess laughs)
- First photo.

(laughs) Jess.
(bell rings)

- Oh no, my battery's
almost dead! Oh, sh**t!

Oh, I don't know where my charger is.

Oh no, it's gonna die...
(Sam laughs)

His battery is almost dead.
- His battery is almost dead.

Oh my God, the attention to detail!

(bell rings)
Jeremy.

- Hey, uh, what's up?

I'm newly sober so watermelon's my thing.

I'm trying stand-up.

I do a lot of prop comedy
so come on by to my shows.

Not really looking for somebody.

More looking for an audience, uh...

- I'll be honest, I don't
think this man's voice

his doing him any favors. (laughs)

(bell rings)
Geoff.

- Before you ask, it's a
prescription watermelon helmet.

(Sam and cast laughing)

I need it for a very specific
yet undisclosed medical issue,

and this is not a jar of watermelon juice.

I just have bad piss.
Thank you for your time.

- This one is gonna go to Geoff.

- Yes! Yay!
- Next photo.

(bell rings)
Jess.

- Do you ever get back from vacation

and want the vacation to keep going?

That's what my life feels like.

- Oh, God! Oh, I hate him.

I want for him to
experience heavy hardship.

- Ooh, me, Lucius?
(Sam laughing)

Well, why would you want
something bad to happen to Lucius?

Sometimes it's a two-scoop day.

- Oh, God!
(Geoff laughing)

The definition of privilege.
- I'm Lucius!

I'm less than eight miles away.

- Anyone saying that in the audio

that they're less than eight
miles away is terrifying.

Doesn't matter where you are.

I'm always less than eight miles away!

(bell rings)
- Jeremy.

- When the f*ck did we get ice cream?

(laughs) Sorry, that's a
quote from my favorite movie,

Johnny Knoxville's "The Ringer."

If you haven't seen that, you
best swipe to the next one.

- This man is taking
a small selection pool

and narrowing it to the size of a pin.

- He is a pin. Look at
that guy, he's picky.

- (laughs) That particular
one is going to go to Jess.

- Oh, thank you so much.
(Jeremy claps)

- Next photo.
(photo taps)

(Jess and Sam laughing)

(bell rings)
Geoff.

- Oh hey, it's Big Money Bobby!

And I'm ready to f*ck!
Come on down and ride this!

And I'm ready to f*ck!
Come on down and ride this!

Whether it's the mouth or
the crotch, I do not care!

A-yabba-dabba-doo!

- (laughs) The yabba-dabba-doo

really cinched it for me, Geoff.

- That was for you, Sam.
(bell rings)

- Don't mind me. Just trying 'em out.

♪ Here I am born in 1981 ♪

(Sam gasps)
♪ Things I know about 1981 ♪

♪ What a good year to be born, so fun ♪

♪ I was born in 1981 ♪

- I will admit the math
is very impressive.

- Thank you. You might not
have room in the edit, Sam.

It might not be vital to this episode,

but you could potentially
zoom in on my hand

trying to figure out where
I do the takeaway from...

- You were literally
like, carrying the one.

- Yep, I really was
carrying the one over here.

(bell rings)
- Jeremy.

- Shut up, it's my turn. (laughs)

- Does that bother you?
- You found it.

That's your spot.
- That's it, that's it!

- Okay this, I'm gonna
add a little bit here.

This is a question on Hinge
that says, "What do you hate?"

Voice recording, colonoscopy.
(Jess chuckling)

Ex-wife!

Traffic!
(Geoff laughing)

Neighbor.
(Sam laughing)

Dogs! I don't get 'em!
(Sam laughing)

Ex-wife!
- (laughs) I love that so much

and this round is gonna go to you.

- Yeah, well done, well done. (claps)

- Jeremy, bravo. Next photo.

- [Players] Ooh!

(bell rings)
- Jeremy.

- Hello.
(Sam snickers)

My name is Winter. I'm a little chilly.

If you'd like to go on
a date, let me know.

I have a warm fire.

Sorry if I f*cked this one.
(Sam laughing)

(bell rings)

- A hesitant buzz-in from Jess.

- Hey, girl. Brr.
(Sam and crew laughing)

- Sometimes less is more.
- Yeah, he keeps it simple.

He's not gonna talk about how
he's 69 years old. (laughs)

(Sam and players laughing)

That's not the joke he's gonna
make. (laughs lecherously)

- That's the joke you're gonna make.

- Nope, I made the quick one.
- [Sam] That's true.

- This joke is actually
not being made by anyone.

69. (laughs lasciviously)
- No one made that joke.

- No one made that joke
'cause we're all mature.

(bell rings)
- Geoff.

- 69! Bleh!
(Sam laughing)

- Just to be subversive, I'm
gonna give that one to Geoff.

- Wow. (claps)
- Yeah.

(cheerful music)

- Welcome back to round
two where our players

will now test their
talents in teams of twos.

- [Players] Ooh!

- Ooh!

- Jess.
- Sam.

- And Geoff.
- Oh!

- Stage parents whispering
direction from the audience.

- I thought she was gonna
be in the front row-

- Yeah.
- But they switched yesterday

'cause she couldn't keep her spacing.

- Hi, hi, hi.
- Hi, hi, hi.

Sweetie.
- Sweetie.

- Just scooch.
- Scooch.

- Scooch.
- Sorry, sorry.

- Sorry, sorry, scooch.
- Scooch, scooch.

- Scooch.
- Scooch.

- Eyes, eyes up, high. Eyes up.

- Chin, chin.
- Chin up.

- Very good, very good, very good.

- Very good, very good, hold.
- Hold.

- Hold it, hold it.
- Sorry, sorry, sorry,

sorry, sorry, sorry.
(Sam laughing)

- Wait, I thought you were filming.

- I thought you were-
- I thought you were filming.

- I thought you were-
- I thought you were filming.

- Okay, I don't care.
We're not gonna do this.

- Sorry, sorry, sir.
- Sorry.

- Are you filming?
- We, okay, if you could do-

- Can you zoom on her?
Can you zoom in on her?

- I'll give you my card and you email me.

- You zoom in. Will you
at me and zoom in on her?

- Please.
- Hi, sweetie, sweetie,

sweetie, sweetie-
- Sweetie, sweetie, scooch.

- Face this camera.

- [Both] Scooch, scooch, scooch.

(buzzer buzzes blastingly)
- Wow!

That was wonderful, you two!
- Thank you.

- It was like you were
communicating psychically.

A 16-year-old early emancipation
amount of points for you.

- Oh, oh, yeah. That's fair.
- Oh, yeah.

No, we saw that one coming.
- Yeah, yeah.

- Geoff.
- Yeah.

- And Jeremy.
- Uh-huh.

- Polite castaways debate who
is going to eat each other.

- Huh.
(both laughing awkwardly)

(Sam laughing)

- Hot out here. (laughs)
- Yeah. (laughs)

Oh, feel like I haven't
eaten in days. (laughs)

- Yeah, me neither. (laughs)

- Hey, hey.
- Hey, yeah.

- Hey yeah, so I feel like
we're getting near that time.

- Yeah, that awful time.
(Sam snickering)

- [Both] Ugh!

- At least we should
start talking about it.

- Yeah, just bring up
the elephant in the room.

- Yeah, okay, someone's gonna
have to eat the other guy!

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
(Sam laughing)

Take me offstage!
(Sam and Geoff laughing)

- Whew, but someone's gotta do it.

- Somebody's gotta do it.
- Somebody's gotta do it.

- Somebody's gotta do it.

- Would you consider
yourself tasty or like, no?

- [Geoff] Oh, you know, like-
- Maybe that's actually we do-

- Maybe, you know, but I'm
thinking, okay, I'm spitballing.

- Yeah, uh-huh, uh-huh, yeah.
- Just put it up there,

but wouldn't it kinda make
more sense for the person

who seems like, easier to
consume 'cause they're smaller?

- Oh!
- You see what I'm saying?

- You know, I love that-

- Okay, but just put it out there.

- [Jeremy] And let's
throw that up in the sky-

- Let's throw it up there.
Just, we're putting it up there.

- Because like in my head I feel like-

- Okay.
- Bigger body,

more food for later. (laughs)
(Geoff and Sam laughing)

So that's, I think that's where I'm at.

- Okay, well, we'll just put it up there.

- Let's just, yeah-
- Let's put it up there.

But you know, I'm also thinking like,

boy, it'd be easier to
overpower a smaller person.

- Yeah, yeah, and I saw you going there.

- Right, right, you could see it.

- So a brought a big rock.
I brought a big rock.

- Okay, okay, so there's a big rock-

- I didn't want to bring this
up, but I brought a big rock.

(buzzer buzzes blisteringly)
- I will cut you off there!

- [Jeremy] We have to do this!
- Oh my gosh!

- I can see that in exactly 10 minutes

becoming very violent.

- Yes, just unbelievable.
(Jess and Jeremy laughing)

- Definitely on an island
off the coast of Canada.

- Yeah.
- Absolutely.

- 375 for four hours
amount of points for you.

Jeremy.
- Yes.

- And Jess.
- Sam.

- [Sam] Two two-kids-in-a-trenchcoat-

- Oh my God!
- On a date.

- Oh!
- Phenomenal.

- Oh, hello, over here.
- Oh yeah!

- Hi!
- Hi, good to see you!

- You're wearing that color you said.

- Yeah, uh, yeah, totally, I, uh,

and you're wearing that
color you said, too.

- Boy, I am excited to
have this meal with you,

but what if we stood?

- Oh, I would love, I would
love to stand straight!

I would love to stand straight up.

- We could even go forward
and look at the view.

- Yeah.
(Sam and Geoff laughing)

You know the nicest thing about this date?

I can buy alcohol.
- [Jess] Me also.

You are really tall.
- You are so tall.

- That mustache wasn't in your picture.

- That mustache wasn't
in your picture, either.

- Yeah, we-
- Or those glasses

and big nose.
- We grew...

I grew them, um...

I wanted to say I liked
your audio message.

(Geoff and Sam laughing)

- I liked your audio message, too.

- What part made you say yeah to a date?

- The one that you said,

"I hate LEGOs and love strip clubs."

(Sam laughs and claps)
- [Jess] Yeah.

- [Jeremy] What about me?

- I loved when you said,
"Pet peeve, too many taxes."

- I loved when you said,
"Pet peeve, too many taxes."

- I will cut you off there!
(buzzer bombilates)

- Too many taxes!
- Holy sh*t. Yes, players!

Two points.
- Oh yeah, fair enough.

But what's the tax on it?

- Oh.
- 7.3%?

- I'll subtract that.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Jess.
- Sam.

- And Geoff.
- Ooh!

- Two car mechanics' long metaphor

for what's wrong with your car.

- Uh, all right, so uh,
we're trying to think

about the best way to
break this down for you.

- Yeah.
- Just, we want this

to be a learning moment for you.

- Yeah.
- Kind of a teachable moment.

- Yeah, 'cause we're
looking at the car and uh...

- We're looking at the car.
- You know, it remind me a lot

of like, you know when you
have like, too many oranges?

- Okay, that's right, so what you did

is you had too many oranges.
- Too many oranges!

- And then you didn't even juice 'em.

- You didn't even juice 'em!

- [Jess] And you weren't
peelin' 'em neither.

- You're not even peelin' 'em!

You're not peelin', you're not juicin'.

You just got oranges!
- And you're not slicin'.

You're not slicin' 'em.
- Oh, not a single slice!

- So what you wanna do is,

if you wanna replace your carburetor

that's like slicin' some
of 'em and taking 'em

to a soccer game.
- Okay...

- And if you wanna keep your fluids up,

that's like juicing your oranges.

- You're doing neither!

- And you wanna check your tire tread.

That's like peeling and
eating an orange. Just break-

- You're not doing any of it!

- But you're not doing any of 'em so-

- But look at all the oranges in here!

- You got all these oranges!

- All these oranges,
you're not touchin' 'em.

- You're not touchin' 'em.
- That's the problem.

- That's the problem. Okay, so
it's like, you have oranges.

That's your car. Did you get that?

- You got that part?
(Sam laughing)

- You got oranges. That's your car.

- You got, that's your car, okay.

- Okay.
- So like, let's think

about the valves inside
of your engine, okay?

- Let's think about the valves.

- The valves inside of your engine

are like the peel of the orange.

- They're like the pithy part.
- The pithy part.

- Okay-
- That white part.

- That white part, the valves.
- That's the valves

are like, okay, they are gummed up!

- They're gummed up.
- They're gummed up

like that pithy part of the orange, okay?

- But you don't even know this

'cause you're not having a
relationship with your car.

- You gotta have a
relationship with your car!

- You're sitting with a pile of oranges-

- You got so many oranges!

- And you're not doing anything with 'em!

- Nothing! You're like
an orchard over here!

- You're like an orchard of oranges.

- Like an orchard of oranges.

- Just sitting on an orchard of oranges

and you're not even caring
about your orchard of oranges-

(buzzer bumbles)

- It was so hard to cut
that off at any point.

I loved it so much.

I don't know what these two folks

are asking me for monetarily,

but I'm paying it.
- [Jess] Yeah, paying it.

- It doesn't matter what it is.

$60,000 and we'll see you in
six months amount of points

for both of you.
- Oh, fantastic.

- Geoff.
- Sam.

- And Jeremy.
- Uh-huh.

- The Knights of the Standing Desk.

- [Jeremy] Oh!

- It is so good to see you again.

- You too, sire.
- The standing desk awaits.

Have you ever wondered why
we're not allowed to sit?

- I have questioned it once or twice.

- And I have found that
the act of questioning

is its own test of the loyalty.

- Hmm, so you're saying don't question it.

- No, I'm saying question.
- Oh.

- Question the standing desk.
- Okay.

- Yet accept it.
- Uh-huh.

- That is your loyalty.
- Okay.

- You still wonder why
stand when one can sit,

yet I accept standing because that is part

of the sacred oath of the
Knights of the Standing Desk.

- I'm just, I'm just lightly-
- Yes.

- Starting to lose faith
in the organization.

- Oh, wait, wait, wait, what happened?

- I just feel like we have
the round table people and-

- Yes.
- It feels

like a weird offshoot competition.

- Don't think about it as an offshoot!

I keep telling you every week.
- I shouldn't have come.

I've always wanted to be a knight,

but I think I've fallen into a little bit

of a guru cult type of thing.
(Sam laughing)

- How dare you.
- Oh.

- At the standing desk you
say this to me. How dare you.

- It's just raising by
itself a little bit.

- Oh, Jesus, hold up-
- It's going-

(buzzer buzzes brazenly)
(Sam laughing)

- Hold up, hold up, hold
up. Just give me a second.

- Stop.
- No, just give me a second!

- No.
- Fantastic.

1400s amount of points
for the both of you.

- Ooh!
- Last prompt of round two.

- Who's gonna get it?

- Jeremy.
- Uh-huh.

- And Jess.
- Sam, I knew it.

- Damn it!
- Two scrappy orphans

who always seem like they're
about to burst into song.

- Ah, gee, another day where it seem

like the Sun won't even come out!

- Mm, oh, bother!

♪ It's rainy again ♪

- Every day I try to look
for that silver lining,

but if it's always gonna be clouds,

how am I supposed to find it?

Except, then I think of
think of something else!

(Sam and Geoff laughing)
- Me, too!

Hey, look! A penny on the ground!

Today just might be a day we find a penny.

(Sam laughing)

- Aw, look at it shine,
even without the sun out.

Hey, guess what, maybe we
can find something shiny

if we look hard enough.
- Where?

- I don't know.
- Okay.

(Sam laughing and clapping)

Golly gee, it sure is hard
in these New York streets.

- Oh, New York, still the greatest city

in the world, don't you think?

It's enough to make you...
(Jeremy inhales excitedly)

Love New York.
(Sam laughing)

- And boy, do I love it!

Look at every bus passing
with every stranger possible.

There's so many people in
this city it reminds me

that it's a major metropolitan area.

(Sam laughing)
- Oh, yeah!

You know what I love thinking about.

- What do you love thinking about?

- Even though there's millions of us

in this big metropolitan area-
- Uh-huh.

- We all got our own
secret stories deep inside.

Like my secret story is...
(Jeremy gasps interestedly)

I think about secret stories.
(Sam laughing)

(buzzer blazes)

♪ I think about secret stories ♪

(Sam laughing)
(buzzer blows)

- Incredible, both of you!

- Those two are actually the bottom part

of the two kids in a trenchcoat.

- A please, sir, can I have
some more amount of points

for the both of you.
- Ooh!

(cheerful music)

- That brings us to our next mini-game!

(players cheer exuberantly)

(Sam laughs)
- Get it, mini-game!

- Oh, get it, mini-game.
- Oh! Get it, mini-game.

- You opened a can of
worms with that one, Jess.

- This is a mini-game we like to call,

Who Are You Supposed To Be?
- Oh.

- Basically how it works is, players,

I have here an entire trunk
full of costume pieces.

I have here an entire trunk
full of costume pieces.

When I say go, you're gonna
rummage through this trunk

for costume pieces,
find something you like,

return to your podium, buzz in, and then,

as if you were a kid on Halloween,

pitch me who you're supposed to be.

- Got it.
- Ready?

- Yes.
- Yes.

- And go.
(energetic music)

- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, oh, how dare you hide!

(bell rings)
I'm getting married again!

(Sam laughs and claps)

(bell rings)
- Jeremy.

- Hi, I'm Jessica. I
believe in two things.

Crystals and Trump's America.
- Oh, God!

- Let's go!

- That is a rare cross section
of a Venn diagram. Geoff!

- [Geoff] Hi, I'm your
local animal cab driver!

Trust me, I'm not here to m*rder!

- (laughs) I don't trust you, Geoff!

- [Geoff] Oh, come on!

- (laughs) Wow, Jeremy.

- In order to a hunt a lobster,

you need to become the lobster.

- (laughs) Jess.
- You know,

I really don't think that
would be a nice thing to say.

- [Sam] (gasps) Oh!

- You should say it! You should say it!

- I like the change, Jess.
- Yeah.

- Geoff.
- Okay, yeah,

I did invest in crypto,

but just what do you
want at this restaurant?

Just order! I've been through enough!

- Spectacular fall from grace.
- Shut up, it's my turn.

- Jeremy.
- Oh, hello there.

My name's Gilda, and I love two things,

Ireland and Trump's America.
(Sam and Geoff laughing)

- A very rare cross section
of the Venn diagram.

- Wait here, Jeremy, Jeremy.
- Okay.

(bell rings)
- Jess and Jeremy?

- Thank you so much for a second date.

(Sam laughing and clapping)

Date two is where we can really
can get to know each other.

- M'lady.
- Oh, oh!

- Oh, oh!
(buzzer blares)

- In-
- I can't follow that!

- Credible!

- I can-

- Incredible!
(cheerful music)

That brings us to round three

where our players will now hold hands

and jump into the abyss together.

- [Players] Yeah!

- Jess.
- Sam.

- Geoff.
- Oh!

- Jeremy.
- Uh-huh.

- [Sam] Three active listeners-

- Oh!

- Struggling to make conversation.

- What, were you gonna say something?

- Mm-hmm.
- Oh, I, I, was engaged

with what you were thinking about going-

- Uh-huh, yeah.
- Yeah.

- What?
- And you are so good

at engaging, you are so good at engaging.

- And I wanna highlight what
Jeremy's doing right now.

- Please.
- Which is like,

really taking us all back
to what you were saying.

- Yeah.
- And can we all take a moment

and recognize your ability
to just see the room

for what it is.
- Oh, please, oh my gosh.

- And that, just to highlight
that, you're a people person.

- Right.
- Okay.

- You're a people person.
- [Jess] I'm...

- But what I really wanna get at-

- Yes, please, please get at.
- Please, yes.

Somebody get at it.
- So it's just,

you're really embracing
your role here amongst us,

and we appreciate it.
- That's how I feel, too.

No, this, you are.
- No, you are, you are!

You are getting at it!
- You're kind of like,

stepping up and taking this mantle.

- When like, a mantle needs to be taken.

- I want to highlight the
mantle has been placed by you.

- Well, if I needed the mantle,

you two would let me have it,

and that's so rare because
so many people are out here

and you two are like, right here.

- And I hear that. I hear that.

(Sam laughing)
And I feel

like you're so humble
about your role here.

- I think because the three
of us are so on the same page.

- Uh-huh, uh-huh!
- Oh yeah, oh yeah!

- That like, what I love
about this dynamic is that-

- What do you love it?
Please tell us what you like.

- We actually could just not talk.

(Geoff exhales softly)
(buzzer bellows)

- What a beautiful way to end a scene!

Every introvert's dream

is that someone suggests not talking.

- Not talking.
- A, you tell me.

I don't know how many
points for the three of you.

(players laugh)
(typewriter keys clacking)

- Jess.
- Sam.

- Geoff.
- Sam.

- Jeremy.
- Uh-huh!

(Sam laughs)
♪ This my sh*t ♪

♪ All the girls gonna hang like this ♪

- Exactly as much of
the song as we can use.

The cast of a sitcom introduces
a very special episode.

- Oh, oh, oh
- (laughs) Yeah.

Do it. Make use of the space.

- Oh, brother. Today's
going crazy. (chuckles)

- Hey, Tommy.
- Hi!

(Sam laughing)
What's up, John?

- Hey, I'm glad you
could gather us all here

in the tree house.
- Hey!

- Uh-oh!
- Ah!

- Hey guys, how are you?
- Now hey, kids,

before we keep going with this great scene

where the g*ng gets ready
to go trick-or-treating,

we wanted to take a second to talk

about something very
important to all of us.

- Mm-hmm, and that thing,
why don't you handle it?

(Sam and crew laughing)

- And I just wanted to speak honestly

about tree house safety.

A lot of kids think you could
just put wood in a tree.

- You can't, you can't.
- You can't.

- You thought this was about
g*ns or drugs. It's not.

- It's not. It's not about drugs.

- It's about tree house safety.

- It's not about peer pressure.

- No.

- It's not about bullying.
- No.

- It's about kids just
putting wood in trees.

- You know, the show really
came and supported me

when I broke both arms and my tailbone

when I fell out of the tree house.

I thought you could
just put wood. (laughs)

- Can't.
(Sam laughing)

- So kids, so kids!
- Kids, kids, listen up!

- Wood anywhere, don't put it anywhere.

- Just don't put it in a tree house!

- But hey, why don't you say
we get back to the scene?

(Jeremy chuckles)
- (chuckles) Okay.

- Thanks for watching.

- All right, you guys ready to
go trick or treating or what?

- Well, first I gotta put
some wood in a tree house.

- [Jess And Jeremy] No!

(buzzer blows)
- I will cut you off there!

Edit!
- Honesty!

- You build a tree
house, hot you get down?

- How you get down?
- Hey, how you get down?

- Season 10 got weird amount
of points for the three of you.

- Yes.
(Geoff and Jeremy laughing)

- The final prompt of the game.

- [Players] Aw, no!

- Principal Sam!
- Sam!

- We have to leave the aquarium already?

- I didn't even get to see the sharks!

- The subscription services
you forgot to cancel

toast the New Year.

- My gosh, what a beautiful night.

- Beautiful night.

- It is so lovely to see so
many of you gathered here,

and I just wanna say, I wanna
go on the record and thank,

once and for all, "Yellowjackets."

Thank you so much for making
so many people get SHOWTIME.

- SHOWTIME!
- SHOWTIME!

- I know, and thank you
for not dropping as a binge

'cause that went month to month and-

- Hey, hey, if I can,
I'm sorry to interject.

- Please, please.
- Please.

- But can we just give it up
for a second for HelloFresh.

- Hello!
- Okay, we all thought

we were gonna cook more.
- Mm-hmm.

- And we just ended up
with more groceries-

- Uh, yeah, a box. (laughs)
- Here we go.

Small, small seasoning packets.

- Oh, let's give it up to
something very special.

- Here it comes.
- You know 'em,

you'll love 'em, you love how
you just forget about them

after watching one season of D&D.

Give it up for Dropout TV.
- Dropout TV!

- Dropout TV!
- Dropout TV!

- We love you, we love you.
- Oh, love you.

- So cheap I don't even
see it on my credit card.

- I don't even notice.

- It's almost like that's by design.

- (laughs) And we gotta
cut it off there, right?

- All right.
- Cheers.

- Cheers.
- Hey, cheers.

Cheers to you-
- [Jess] To you.

- And cheers to my livelihood.
(players laugh obsequiously)

5.99 a month amount of
points for the three of you.

- How reasonable!

- That does it for us here
for us at "Make Some Noise."

Our winner these eve...

(paper snaps)
Jeremy Culhane.

Jeremy...
(players clapping)

- Yeah! Yeah!
- Yeah!

- You are the winner of
the coveted Golden Ear.

- Oh, thank you. I'd like to thank my mom.

- Shut up, Jeremy. It's my turn.

- Scooch, scooch, scooch.
- Scooch, scooch.

- That does it for us
here at "Make Some Noise."

Tune in next time for
more of the Game Samer.

I'm Sam Reich, and that
sounds pretty good to me.

Good night.
(upbeat music)

(audience applauding)

(cheerful music softens)