01x01 - Episode 1

[bunniefuu]

A NETFLIX SERIES

No.

I went to Auntie Jin's, but in vain.

How about you?

Yes.

I'm too busy to fight with her.

She minds her business and I mine.

I've got to go.

I'm going to report it to the police.

Yes.

Don't worry.

Let me punish you on behalf of Moon God!

Yes, I know.

Good night.

Here.

Here.

Come on.

Hello?

What is it?

You didn't come home last night

and you're knocking on the door.

Haven't you got the keys?

How can I help you?

Your mom is a b*tch,

seducing my husband.

They spent the night together.

-What?
-What the hell?

They go hiking together

and text each other all the time.

Go hiking? Where did they go?

It was not easy for me

to get the address
from the Climbers' Club.

You b*tch!

Have you no shame?

What are you hiding for?

-Hey, ma'am!
-Come out, Yong!

Hey, ma'am!

There must be a misunderstanding.

I'm alone here.

-You're alone?
-Yes.

Then who's that?

-Yong! Come out!
-Wait!

Listen! You're trespassing here!

-Calm down!
-I…

Listen to me.

They went out for coffee yesterday.

And I haven't seen him since.

You said that you're alone,

so your mom isn't here.

They spent the night…

Together!

I don't care!

Here goes nothing!

I'm definitely going to catch them in bed.

Come out, Yong!

Calm down, ma'am!

Listen to me!

It must be a mistake.

What?

There are a lot of people in the Club.

Is your husband handsome or rich?

My mom seduced him?

How could she seduce him?

I suggest you go home now

to check on your husband.

Maybe he has kidnapped my mom.

And…

My mom drinks everything

but coffee.

She seduced your husband?

If you can't prove it,

I'll sue you for offenses

against abandonment and reputation.

-And…
-What?

You're trespassing.

I'm calling the police.

Do you want to talk to them?

Go ahead. Talk to them.

Listen to me carefully.

If my mom…

If she seduces your husband,

I don't need you.

I'll break her legs immediately.

Break them!

If you don't get out,

I'll break your legs too.

Break them!

NO ONE CAN STOP ME
FROM GETTING RE-EMPLOYED!

Do you love Yong?

I'm not stupid.

I know it's not easy.

But it has been five years

and I'm still single.

What if I have to be alone

till I die?

Do you think I'm lousy?

I can feel that you're lonely.

Maybe.

People look lonely when they're old.

But I want to get remarried.

Marriage is a woman's career.

Divorce is like being laid off.

You go bankrupt when your husband is dead.

Nobody can stop me
from getting re-employed.

Where were you last night?

Where's your phone?

What's with the voice mail?

Don't you know a crazy woman
came to shout at me?

Here. The coffee was buy one
and get one at half price.

Don't give me what you don't want.

Don't change the subject.

Tell me who the crazy woman is.

She's low class.

I can't believe he has a wife like that.

He?

Who's "he"?

You're really having an affair?

My God!

We went hiking together.

Yong. His name is Yong.

What the hell?

Where were you last night?

Yong wanted me to go trekking with him.

We wanted to go hiking first.

But we got lost.

Don't you know
we were all looking for you?

I reported it to the police.

The police?

But we're not kids.

That was what the police told me too.

It's the truth.

We found the right path in the morning.

Don't worry.

"We"?

You're disgusting.

Why?

He's not a bad guy.

Like your dad,

he has been taking care of his family.

He's old now

and never talks to his wife at home.

He likes to hang around with people.

-That's why he met me.
-Shut up!

Like my dad?

Don't compare him with my dad.

I should've let that crazy woman stay

to beat you up.

It seems that I'm covering up
for you and that two-timer.

I know that you were dumped

ten years ago.

-I…
-But you should get over it.

Who do you think you are to judge him?

I wrote these books.

They're all your textbooks.

RONG-ZI, THE QUEEN OF ROMANCE NOVELS

HER LATEST WORK,
THE DAMNED PERFECT TWO-TIMER

Listen closely.

"My wife and I…"

We don't love each other anymore.

"Except for our kids…"

I have nothing more to talk to her.

They're all crap!

What crap?

Wang Mei-mei,

listen to me.

You can forget about Min and me.

But you have to…

Is that crazy woman back again?

Are you crazy enough
to give the keys to that two-timer?

Ignore me. Go on.

Is she moving back?

She broke up with Cha?

What's wrong?

She has always been like that.

Wait!

What?

Blow it.

Okay.

I didn't drink.

You're going too far.

You don't need a sobriety test.

I can smell it from here.
You're drinking during the day?

How dare you!

I've been gone for one month.

Only for one month.

You moved out.
I thought you were getting married.

This is my stuff.

I'll put them away.

What's the matter?

Did your uniform smell of fried chicken?

Yes.

Don't worry.

Let me punish you on behalf of Moon God!

Good night.

That b*tch

was wearing my lingerie.

How could it be?

You're flat-chested.

Mom!

Mom!

It's all right.

You can stay here.

Here. It's yours.

Don't be mad at me.

Everything in this room is hers.

Except for these two boxes.
I'll take them away.

I thought you only drink bubble milk tea.

When did you begin to drink coffee?

Buy one and get another one at half price.

You think it's a bargain?

You were tricked to spend more money.

-You're tricked! You're all tricked!
-You--

"Chen Ru-rong"?

"Best New Novelist."

"Best Novella Writer."

I got these a long time ago.

In a couple of years, she'll be awarded

Best Climacteric Novelist
Who's Still Single.

Before that, you'll be awarded

the Oldest Mistress.

-Mistress?
-Listen, Mom is going too far.

What did you say?

What have I done to deserve this?

It's as if the three women in this family
are destined to be single.

What's wrong with being single?

Look at Min.

Cha never had a job for over three months.

She had to support him.

I'd rather sustain myself
for the rest of my life.

I know.

You've lost everything.

I don't get it.

He's nothing but scum.

How good is he in bed?

Although he was a scum,

he never failed me in bed.

He showed me

something new every day.

Shut up!

You're birds of the same feather.

Mom is wrecking someone else's family.

And you?
You can't get over that two-timer.

If Dad knew--

If he knew, he would wish us happiness.

Ru-rong.

Don't belittle yourself.

You didn't inherit my beauty,
gracefulness, sexiness, or taste.

You don't have Min's…

Her…

-You're not unfussy like her.
-I'm good-for-nothing.

Don't belittle yourself.

You're not as bad as you think.

I'm not bad.

I've never belittled myself.

I just don't have time to fall in love.

I need to teach, write,
and take care of you two.

I…

What's wrong with you?

Fine.

Here's the deal.

Why don't we make a bet?

In one month,

let's see who'll meet a Mr. Right first.

Do you want the bet?

Whoever loses

will kneel down in front of Dad's grave.

I have no comments on this.

But…

Mom is old

while you've been single for a long time.

One month is a big challenge for you both.

A deal is a deal.

Kneeling down is lame.

Whoever loses
will treat others to travel abroad.

-Deal!
-Deal!

-Good morning.
-Good morning.

Chinese teacher with a good appetite.

Hi. Biology teacher full of pheromones.

Fried chicken again?

It's not good for your figure,
health, or emotions.

We have canine teeth
but don't eat meat alone.

Here. Have some vegetables.

Your saliva is dripping down.

Watch your personal image.

According to my know-how,

a tigress mates dozens of times

each day during mating season.

Come on.

You are engaged.

The difference between the first

and tenth years of your relationship

is like eating
in an all-you-can-eat restaurant.

In the beginning, you're so hungry

that every dish seems delicious to you,

but at last,
you're too full to eat anything

when you want some more
before paying the bill.

About your bet…

You can borrow my husband.

When you're back from your travel abroad,

you'll break up.

No.

He's not my type.

Isn't he good enough?

That's not the point.

What is your Mr. Right
supposed to look like?

My Mr. Right?

Energetic, considerate, tender, and sweet.

He has to understand my work.

You're sweating like hell.

I made the chocolate.

Treat them some.

And…

He has to be a gourmet

like my dad.

You're making a delivery again?

I don't want to gain more weight.

Thank you.

Have some, Ms. Chen.

I don't like sweets.

But thank you.

I know who's your best choice.

Who?

Kate Zeng!

I can't believe you!

Come and help me!

Do you want me to serve you?

Come on!

I like Dad's cooking more.

I don't get it, Mom.

You were married to Dad
for dozens of years,

watching him cook.

How come you still can't cook?

I've been nagging at you for years.

How come you're still single?

Stop talking back, will you?

It's all right.

A bit too sweet.

Too much ginger.

The pork is too dry and too dark.

You're very picky, aren't you?

Then why did you pick that scum?

Talk to me.

Are you autistic or what?

It’s frightening
when it’s so quiet at home.

What's that?

It's a dating website.

For elders only.

They even have
English and Japanese versions.

What exactly are you doing?

It's none of your business.

Mom!

Don't do that!

Mom is far ahead of us.

Maybe you should try that.

YONG: SEE YOU AT THE SAME PLACE?

Mom!

Don't do that!

His wife is going to k*ll you.

Can't you take Dad into consideration?

I'm just taking the garbage out.

What?

You're going too far.

Why did you spend money
on the crappy dress?

Are you trying to dress like a young lady?

What's wrong?

Is it against the law?

I enjoy dressing like a young lady.
All right?

Unlike you.
You're always in black or blue,

which makes me blue.

If your dad were here,

he would feel ashamed.

Yes. Would he want you to have an affair?

Don't you know

that your childish behavior

gave Dad a heart attack?

Don't make hiking your excuse.

-Chen Ru-rong!
-What?

Who k*lled Dad?

Who asked the doctor not to save him?

If Dad knew that
you're fighting each other because of him,

he would turn in his grave.

Next, please.

It's 42 dollars.

Come on.

Why are you dressed like that?

I don't get you.

Mei-mei?

That night,

we helped each other

overcome the difficulty

and I know

that you're the one whom I want

to spend the rest of my life with.

It's time to have a showdown
with your wife.

We should think about our future.

Our future…

Give me some more time.

She's mad at me now.

It's not easy to get divorced.

My heart is with you

and I'm by your side.

Mei-mei…

I'm glad that I met you.

My wife and I
don't love each other anymore.

Except for our kids,

I have nothing more to talk to her.

If I force her to leave me,

she'll commit suicide.

What's worse,

I've worked hard
to earn the money and house,

but they're all in her name.

I'm literally penniless.

I have nothing but myself.

If only we had met

-when I was single.
-When I was single.

See?

You're the only one

who understands me in the whole world.

Please?

Give me some more time.

No. It's not okay.

Don't cover your head.

Don't! I hate it when you do that!

Don't do that!

Mei-mei!

You insisted on coming here,

so why don't you
say something more about yourself?

About me?

Nothing.

Coming here makes me happy.

Unlike the two of them.

They get nervous when they're here.

Especially…

Has Min talked to you?

I don't think she's ready to talk to me.

Listen.

Min has problems.

What should I do?

I don't understand what you meant

by "knowing how to lose helps you win."

I've lost everything.

What do I have to do to win?

That's it.

I have to go. Let's talk later.

What?

I'm trying to gather intelligence.

Were you on the phone with that c*ck?

You sounded gentle.

I can't believe that

you can be so nice

to that two-timing scum.

You've kept all these.

Aaron Kwok, Sarah Chen…

Most of them are mine.

Yours is mine.

Fine.

Then the tigress outside is yours.

They're all yours.

No, thank you.

This must be at least 30 years old.

Throw it away.

Why should I?

I'm Pisces. I'm nostalgic.

You're weird.

Happy Party!

It was our favorite song

when we were little.

We used to impersonate them.

I was Huan and you were Yo. Remember?

You were Huan?

No. I was Huan.

I was Huan, okay?

Fine.

You're Huan. Whatever.

I used to be crazy for them.

I loved "The Little Tigers."

You were crazy for Nicky Wu

because of his backflips.

Life is unpredictable.

What?

Move back home.

Forget that two-timer.

He's not half as handsome as Nicky Wu.

Why should he be handsome?

He's as muscular as Nicky Wu.

Of course he has to be handsome.

Aren't you in the service industry?

When I was a part-timer,

I couldn't remember
what the customers looked like,

so I referred to them
as the fat one or the bald one.

Do you want your future boyfriend

to be the fat one or the bald one?

Or the one who looks like Wu Kang-ren?

Why should he look like Wu Kang-ren?

Just remember.

When you're taken advantage of,

just come back home.

Come on.

You're not Dad.

Honey!

Honey?

I want

stirred noodles, wonton soup,
and braised dishes to go.

Okay.

No.

To have here.

Okay.

Honey…

Listen to me, honey.

Come on. Let's have a seat.

Honey…

-Listen to me, honey.
-No…

Sit down.

I'll be right back.

Honey.

Sit opposite me.

-Honey.
-Don't call me that.

I'm going home after I pay.

These things are heavy.

I'll carry them for you.

Save your energy for other girls.

Here you go.

-Thank you.
-Thank you.

Is someone going to pay the rent for you?

Honey?

I'm really sorry.

I don't know what I was thinking.

There's nobody else now.

Please forgive me.

I'll do whatever you want.

Whatever I want?

Have you thought about getting married?

-My mom and my sister are betting--
-So you've forgiven me?

Of course not.

But I can treat you to small buns.

Here?

Yes.

Grab them.

Why don't you do it?

If you don't marry me,

it's the last time that you touch them.

Tell me when you're in the mood.

Okay?

I'm not as bright as my sister

or as bold as my mom.

I'm sorry.

I can't tell you.

I don't know why I'm here.

Tell me about Cha.

Your sister called him scum.

Your mom called him…

King of sex.

When I have to take care of him,

I feel that I'm useful.

I'm fine.

I'm all right.

I'm worried about my mom and my sister.

Something is wrong with them.

Mom, this is Mi.

My new date.

Mi, this is my mom.

Hi, ma'am.

Mom?

Are you all right?
Are you having a stroke?

Almost.

By the way…

Mi likes cooking, as Dad did.

She has brought chocolate with her,
a gift for you.

This is

the chocolate that I made personally.

I don't want sweets. I'll gain weight.

They're sea salt flavor.

I'm going to the restroom.

It will take long. I might not come back.

What are you doing?

Are you sure, Ru-rong?

Yes.

At least she'll leave me alone for a year.

Can I order

the aged steak
that costs you 3,000 dollars?

Do you have to be so cruel to me?

We're coworkers after all.

Can I have water at least?

Yes, please.

Tell me something.

Do you think Ms. Zeng
would switch sexual preferences?

Do you want some steak?

Yes.

Here.

It's yummy.

Do you want some lobster?

Yes.

Is it good?

It's great.

Ru-rong?

Ru-rong?

Dad's taking us to a steakhouse
and going shopping.

Yes, he dumped you. So what?

Are you torturing yourself for a man?

Open the door!

You're right.

Men aren't worth it.

I'd rather be a nun.

You can't be a nun.

What?

You're 40 years old.

You're grumpy and penniless.

You don't exercise and you eat junk food.

Men don't want you.

It's all right that you love girls.

The competition isn't keen
in the g*y circle.

Maybe you can try it with her.

Hopefully, you won't be dumped

by a girl.

You haven't said much
but lynched me again and again.

I've never met
an open-minded mother like you.

Ru-rong…

I'll make you happy.

Thank you,

Mom.

Don't call her Mom.

Mom?

Listen to me.
Mi really knows a trick or two.

The girls that she taught

-are excellent.
-Don't tell me about your sex life.

Chen Ru-rong,

you're not experienced in bed.

And you're boring.

You must look like a dead fish in bed.

But you haven't got it from me.

What's wrong with you?

I'm talking about chocolate.

I don't want them. They're yours.

Your dad loved sweets, not me.

Give them back then.

Chen Ru-rong?

When did you start liking girls?

You used to love the band

The Little Tigers.

They're all married and have kids.

Are you going to have kids

with that Mi?

Why must I get married and have kids?

To have quarrels like we do every day?

A woman has a womb, breasts, and buttocks.

We're supposed to use them.

It's a waste if you don't use them.

Chen Ru-rong!

Why do you have
to be different from others?

Hey!

-Don't walk so fast!
-Hey!

Why are you walking so fast?

-What did you buy?
-Shut up!

-Why did you buy it?
-It's none of your business.

It's not for sale.

-Those are virtual goods.
-Look at that.

How touching!

You'll have to climb into a coffin
by yourself.

Yes, why not?

Mom?

You've lost.

I've won the round today.

Just wait and see.

I haven't started yet.

Come here.

SCANNING FOR VIRUSES

Stop flying.

Chen Ru-rong!

Come and help me. What is it?

It keeps popping up.

-Chen Ru-rong!
-What?

Come on!

What's popping up?

Look at that.

It keeps popping up.

It's an antivirus software.
Don't worry about it.

Anti… What virus?

-Yes.
-The computer has a virus?

-Yes.
-I'll put on my face mask.

Face…

What do you need the chat software for?

For chatting with Auntie Jin.

She's traveling in Australia.
Mind your own business.

Then I'm out of here.

Wait!

-What?
-I want to upload a photo.

Here.

Your profile photo?

-Yes.
-I'll help you.

No. Stay out of this.

I'll do it myself.

Slide it up here.

Where are you? No.

You see the circle with your name?

-Yes.
-Click on it.

No. What are you doing?

You're so stupid.

You are stupid!

Leave me alone. I'll do it myself.

You need to type words. Can you?

Then I'm out of here.

I gave birth
to a disobedient kid like you.

What's the big deal?

Fine.

OLD MEI

What do you want?

Ms. Chen, why is my monitor black?

You didn't turn it on.

But I did.

Ms. Chen,

what does 404 mean?

The webpage doesn't exist.

But it did yesterday.

It was deleted.

Why didn't they notify me?

Ms. Chen, what I typed is gone.

Ms. Chen, where am I going to find it?

Ms. Chen, I need a new computer.

Ms. Chen, I've lost my mouse.

Ms. Chen?

Ms. Chen? Where am I?

I'm glad to have a daughter
who knows everything.

Shut up!

My computer is old. I need a new one.

I don't want a gray one.

I want a pink one.

You're old. Pink doesn't suit you.

How disgusting!

Password.

Five, two, zero.

Passionate, outgoing.

Twenty-six.

Getting married.

MATCHMAKING WEBSITE, BASIC PROFILE

FLIRT 60

MATCHMAKING WEBSITE

ONLINE CHATROOM

Wang Mei-mei! Wake up!

What?

I can't believe you.

Do you want to be on the news?

Yong is out of the picture.
You're of no help.

I don't expect anything from you.

I need to plan for the rest of my love.

The rest of your life, not love.

Life.

I'm not your student.

Mind your own business.

You…

Good morning.

It's another beautiful day.

You good-for-nothing!

Why did you bring that pest home?

None of your business!

I…

How many times did you do it?

Why do I have a mother like this
and a sister like that?

Don't forget to put on clothes.

You might catch a cold
with the windows open.

And…

Be gentle with Min.

She's really sensitive.

Yes, I see.

Hey, Ru-rong.

What do we have for breakfast?

You're back together?

When are you going to get married?

Soon.

I'm ready to go abroad.

No.

You asked me to stay for breakfast,
not to get married.

I could pretend for hours in bed,

but you can't pretend for minutes now?

It's not easy to show off in front of you.

Open the door, honey!

I'm sorry, honey!

Open it, honey!

I can't go out like this!

It's my phone, honey!

Please! I'm begging you!

Open the door!

Honey!

Mei-mei!

Help me, Ru-rong!

Help! Open the door!

Mei-mei--

Hey, young man.

What is it?

You were kicked out?

You were kicked out, right?

Yes.

And you're half-naked. So embarrassing!

Honey!

That's her.

Let me in, honey!

Come in. Get in my place.

Go in your…

Yes. Come on.

Wait…

Do you have breakfast for me?

-Yes, whatever you want.
-Really?

-Come in.
-Okay.

-Come on.
-Do you have free Wi-Fi?

-Yes, plenty of it.
-Okay.

But I can't stay long.

Maybe you want me to stay long?

Don't touch it. That's for your dad.

Mom?

Are you all right?

We've got plenty of those.
We can share them.

Eat them.

Your sister's girlfriend made them.

What? Girlfriend?

Why didn't you tell me
you have a girlfriend?

I was lying to Mom.

She hasn't bothered me
these couple of days.

Chen Ru-rong!

Chen Ru-rong!

Chen Ru-rong!

How dare you lie to me!

You really don't love girls?

I'm not attracted to them sexually.

Come on. How can you be so sure?

You just don't want to face the truth.

Listen, I think you are g*y.

What's wrong with you, Mom?

You don't wear skirts

since you were little.

Because I feel comfortable with pants.

You don't wear makeup.

I don't know how.
And I'm allergic. Remember?

Damn! I thought I found your problems.

I'd rather lose the bet.

I would treat you to your honeymoon.

It has been a month

and nobody wants to marry us.

Is Cha going to marry you?

You have time to cook,

but why don't you try to get married?

Someone is going to cook for you
when you're married.

What are you talking about?

Maybe we should eat
instant noodles instead.

I gave birth to you,

so I'm responsible for marrying you off.

What have I done?

Nobody wants to marry either of us.

But I…

What a shame!

I'll treat you to dinner. Let's go.



Hi, Mr. Zuo.

Hello.

I haven't seen you three together
for a long time.

I know.

Braised dishes, stirred noodles,
and wonton soup. Right?

-Yes.
-Thank you.

Have a seat.

It will be Father's Day next week.

Let's pay Dad a visit.

You didn't do it on Tomb Sweeping Day.

The weather is hot. Why now?

It was crowded on Tomb Sweeping Day.

I don't like it.

Have you thought about

the possibility that your Mr. Right

might show up on that day?

Jesus Christ!

Don't ask me.

I'm not going.
I don't want to upset myself.

I'm not going either.

I'm afraid of ghosts.

Dad…

Happy Father's Day.

If you don't want to get married
and have kids,

when I'm dead,

you won't get to celebrate Mother's Day.

It makes no difference to me.
How about you, Min?

I'll celebrate New Year with her anyway

and make Dad's signature dish.

But I promised to celebrate it
with my friends.

When either one of you is gone,

how about the other one?

What are you talking about?

-What do you mean?
-Yes.

Chen Guang-hui?
I think you spoiled your daughters.

Dad? Your wife is torturing us.

Fine.

Nobody wants us.

Why don't we go abroad together?

Let's go to Australia.

Auntie Jin loves the country.

Maybe on the journey,

we'll meet our future husbands.

Come on. It's getting dark.

Have you finished what you want

to say to your dad?

Thank you for having told me so much.

It's time to go home.

Just come back home.

"Just come back home."

It's what you used to say, Dad.

Dad.

I really miss you.

So very much.

Mei-mei?

Fry the skin of the pork

before you braise it

to make it taste better.

Chen Guang-hui,

stay out of it.

The kitchen is mine only.

You're free.

Mom said that she's afraid of ghosts, Dad.

You should visit her often
so that she won't fight with Ru-rong.

What are you talking about?

I'm really scared of ghosts.

Maybe…

I'm really going to visit you.

Don't come to me, Chen Guang-hui.

It's scary.

By the way…

Have you found your date
on the Internet, Mei-mei?

-Dad, listen.
-Dad, listen.

-Mom is going too far.
-Mom is going too far.

-She's always at the computer.
-Her profile is nothing but lies.

-And she over-retouched her photos.
-She even met my coworker online.

-Is he a teacher too? Which one?
-The computer…

-It flies here and there.
-Mr. Li, the PE teacher.

ADAPTED FROM CHEN MING-MIN'S NOVEL

MEN, WOMEN, MEN, WOMEN

MEN, WOMEN, MEN, WOMEN

I WON'T MESS WITH YOU
IF YOU DON'T MESS WITH ME

Ru-rong?