03x08 - High Season

[bunniefuu]

Nora (V.O.): Previously on Moonshine

NORA: The only reason

you did any of this

is to make yourself feel better

because everybody hates you!

Lidia?

NORA: She's gone and she's left us

to clean up this family nightmare.

LIDIA: I am with you, all in.

RHIAN: Are you worried you might

be pregnant with Satan's spawn?

I'm worried I might have cancer!

GALE: Small-town cops are nothing

compared to the Marauders.

They got eyes and ears everywhere.

[MAN GROANS]

NORA: I realized having

a little bit of Lidia in me

wasn't such a bad thing.

[CRASH AND expl*si*n]

♪

NORA: There's no decorative

pillow for this one, folks.

♪

We'll meet again ♪

don't know where, don't know when ♪

but I know we'll meet

again some sunny day ♪

♪

Keep smiling through ♪

just like you always do ♪

till the blue skies

chase the dark clouds ♪

far away ♪

KEN: So will you please say hello ♪

to the folks that I know ♪

tell them that I won't be long ♪

they'll be happy to know ♪

when you saw me go ♪

I was singing this song ♪

♪

NORA: We'll meet again ♪

don't know where, don't know when ♪

but I know we'll meet

again some sunny day ♪

♪

SAMMY: So won't you

please say hello ♪

to the folks that I know ♪

tell them I won't be long ♪

LIDIA: They'll be happy to know ♪

that when you saw me go ♪

I was singing this song ♪

♪

We'll meet again ♪

don't know where, don't know when ♪

but I know we'll meet

again some sunny day ♪

but I know we'll meet again ♪

some sunny day ♪

[WAVES ROLLING OUTSIDE]

["BAD SIDE OF THE MOON"

BY APRIL WINE PLAYING]

This is my life, my life ♪

this is my life, this is my life ♪

this is my life, my life ♪

[CASH REGISTER BEEPS]

Please, say something.

It's still warm.

I know what Lidia would say.

What are the chances

we'd come into this diner

at the exact moment they pulled

their apple pie out of the oven?

No.

She'd ask why you'd

demand to stop for apple pie

after you just watched

her drive off a cliff.

Don't judge me, I'm grieving!

And this is a very good pie.

She's gone.

"Gone" gone,

like, "I could smell

burning hair" gone.

I've dreamt of this

moment my entire life.

Fantasized about every detail,

including the burning hair,

but in my imagination

it was always a party!

It had to have been

an accident, right?

Do you think it was

road head gone wrong?

What if it wasn't an accident?

Lidia knew we loved her, right?

We wanted her to come back.

We said so.

Didn't we?

My last words to her were,

"want a baby back?"

And I didn't even mean it.

I wasn't gonna share my ribs.

Never got to say goodbye.

Hm

Now there's nothing left of her.

There's one thing.

Her dry shampoo.

♪

♪

I guess I'm the hot sister now.

Are you serious?

You had really great hair,

and you could charm like no one else,

and

I love you, Lidia.

Dammit, I loved you!

Your turn.

[CLEARS THROAT] Okay, um

I never thought you'd

be the one to go first.

I really, really, really

assumed it would be me.

Screw you, Lidia.

What am I supposed to do without you?

♪

[SLURPING DRINK]

- What the hell?!

- Aww!

You guys wuv me!

You b*tch!

Mmm!

- [LAUGHS]

- Mmm!

♪

[SEAGULLS CALLING IN DISTANCE]

[SIGHS DEEPLY]

[PHONE BUZZING]

[SIGHS]

[FOGHORN BLOWS]

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

d*ck: This place looks like

Martha's vineyard's

trashy cousin.

WES: Why are you here, dad?

Because you haven't

returned my calls in a week.

On the phone that I pay for.

I have nothing to say to you.

Why haven't you started construction?

There's been a complication.

Lidia died last night.

Who's Lidia?

Our lead architect.

Her family owns the Moonshine.

God, the resort you want to bulldoze!

And she didn't find that

to be a conflict of interest?

[SCOFFS]

Dad, we can't start construction

when our lead architect just died.

Oh, wanna bet?

♪

Ow!

I feel like k*lling you

all over again!

Can we not go back to the part

where you were happy I was alive?

No, and damn you for

making me feel things!

Although I am relieved I don't

have to take care of your brats.

I don't like orphans.

They're so needy.

How are you not dead?

Because we saw you burn!

Look, we only had one option

after that biker spotted Gale

at the roadhouse.

There was a bounty on our heads.

A bounty, eh?

How much we talkin'?

Look, it wasn't enough

for us to disappear.

We had to die.

- [g*nshots]

- LIDIA: Whoa, God!

Is that biker sh**ting at us?!

Eeh, yeah

Uh, okay, okay, okay, stay calm.

Time for plan b.

- [g*nsh*t]

- Aah, God!

- Where'd you get that?

- What?

It's at the hardware store.

It's just lighter fluid.

Not that! The teeth, the teeth!

Ah, yeah! No, I got a guy.

RHIAN: Did you get his number?

- Who?

- Gale's teeth guy!

Do you know how hard it is to

find human teeth in a pinch?

Ew.

- [g*nsh*t]

- [LIDIA SCREAMS]

Just turn off the road

up here, up here.

This'll buy us time.

[TIRES SCREECHING]

♪

Leave it running.

[PANICKED BREATHING]

Oh my God.

Uh, what are you doing?

What is that?

- [ENGINE REVVING]

- Gale, what are you doing?

What are you doing?

- Uh

- GALE: Here we go.

LIDIA: Uh

- Oh!

- [CAR DRIVES OFF]

LIDIA: Okay

Wow, if that was, uh, plan b,

I'd hate to see what plan c is.

It'll blow up. They'll think it's us.

I got another car waiting, okay?

- Yeah.

- Lidia, we gotta move!

I

No, I can't.

I can't I can't

leave my kids, Gale.

I'm sorry

This is goodbye.

♪

♪

[CRASH AND expl*si*n IN DISTANCE]

♪

[SIRENS IN DISTANCE]

[SIRENS GETTING LOUDER]

NORA: Wait, so you didn't bone

in the woods one last time?

Ugh, it was pretty anti-climactic

if I'm being honest. And that kiss

Like a dead fish.

- Eugh.

- Chapped lips.

And then he was just

Gone.

RHIAN: Well, this solves

none of our problems.

Our home being turned into

a parking lot, ring any bells?

Yes.

Which is why I have

a plan to buy us time.

Well, hot tip: Don't use a skull

that implicates our mother for m*rder.

Okay, I didn't see you

coming up with anything better!

So what's your plan?

I

Am going to stay dead.

♪

♪

LIDIA: d*ck Lonergan can't,

in good conscience,

destroy our family home

while you're still in mourning.

You're assuming he has a conscience.

And how long does a "death

in the family" buy us, anyway?

Well, in the Jewish tradition,

sitting Shiva takes seven days.

- Who's Jewish?

- I'm Jewish!

I converted for Daniel

when we got married.

Daniel's Jewish?

Not to brag,

but the rabbi said my Hebrew

was so flawless he

swore I was born in Israel.

Baruch hashem, b*tches!

Okay, okay, so you are Jewish

and we have seven days

to do what exactly?

Ha! "We"?

Let's just cut to the part

where this all lands on me

- like it always does.

- SAMMY: Hey!

Okay, so I told the rest of the family

that you aren't really dead

but they should still

pretend that you are.

- Good.

- And in other random things

I hoped I'd never say,

Wes's dad is at

the fish and chips shack,

complaining that our coleslaw

tastes like farts.

d*ck Lonergan is here?

At the Moonshine?

He doesn't think

Wes is moving fast enough.

He wants to bulldoze our asses,

like yesterday.

Okay.

You know what, guys?

This is my problem

And I will solve it.

You just focus on mourning me.

Oh, God.

Throwing me the Shiva of the century!

I'm thinking blush peony garlands,

tasteful gold accents

oh, maybe a wistful slideshow?

And to really sell it,

you might want to imagine

the pain of my absence.

The the devastation

of life without me.

The sheer living nightmare

it would be for each of you

♪

The hell?

Feel free to use any

or all of that in my eulogy!

[SIGHS]

OSCAR: Rhian!

How are you holding up, my pet?

Can I get you anything?

Oh, I still can't

believe Lidia's gone!

Oh, I've been gone too. I'm so behind.

I need to pump, check the bookings,

fix the plumbing in cabin eight

oh, no, you're just in shock, my love.

- You need time to grieve.

- Oh.

Lidia's not dead.

Wait, what?!

[YAWNING] Oh, yeah, no, she faked it,

to crush d*ck Lonergan

and stop the build.

Yeah, but I filed

an official police report.

We found teeth!

Gale has a guy.

Oscar, you can't tell anyone.

It's a stupid idea that won't work,

but I need you

to at least try to sell this.

With deceit?

ill*gal, "I will never get

my new career back" deceit?

Are you a Finley-Cullen or not?

Don't answer that.

Ah, I'm gonna lie down,

for two minutes, okay?

And then you can answer that.

♪

- Babe!

- [MUFFLED] Ahh

♪

LIDIA: We have seven days

to find something scandalous

to bring him to his knees.

FINN: Okay. Um

Okay, "tycoon fabricates

prenup in nasty divorce"?

ELEANOR: A divorce ten years ago?

That's not exactly

the dead hooker we need.

"Lonergan linked to deceased

sex worker in Reno hotel"?

- Ooh!

- No, acquitted.

Oh, God, who am I kidding?

Guys like Lonergan always have fixers.

And this as*h*le

seems especially slippery.

Nothing sticks.

Okay, so he has another

resort in palm Springs,

desert villa spa,

and there's a bunch of

travel articles about it,

but when I click it,

it says "unavailable."

I could keep digging,

but it's gonna take me a while

- to find the good stuff.

- Ugh, time we don't have.

Crap, we need to figure out

how to keep him occupied

while I build a case.

How are we gonna amuse

a five-star billionaire

- at a two-star campground?

- Ugh!

"Lonergan arrested for drug

possession at the Met Gala."

Baller.

♪

Ahh!

Looks like old Dickie likes to partay!

["BATTLE WITHOUT HONOR OR HUMANITY"]

[BY TOMOYASU HOTEI PLAYING]

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

Moonshine good time

concierge at your service.

d*ck: Ooh!

Come to papa!

[d*ck CHUCKLES]

♪

CRYSTAL: Are you sure

it's okay if I crash

- at your trailer this weekend?

- Yes, b*tch!

Once a party b*tch,

always a party b*tch.

Party b*tches for life!

- Woo!

- [GIGGLES]

BECKY: Well, that is

until three years ago

when you stopped returning

our calls and texts.

CRYSTAL: I know, I am sorry.

When I got sober,

my sponsor said it was important

to remove temptation

And your numbers from my phone.

No offence!

So, are you and Ryan "done" done?

Or are you doing that thing

where you stop giving him BJs

for a day so he realizes

how much he loves you?

Oh, we're not done;

I just thought

that I would take a weekend,

just to pay a visit to

the woman I was without a man.

- Cool!

- [TEXT NOTIFICATION]

BECKY: Damn!

One of the Finley-Cullen

sisters drove off a cliff?

I guess this is, like,

her funeral or something.

What?! What? Let me see that!

[GASPS]

♪

It's Lidia!

So, what is this?

Skunky college hash and speed?

KEN: Yeah, but there's also

some medical-grade MDMA,

some GHB,

and an eight-ball of coke

I found in a paddleboat

just last week.

RYAN: Turns out drug users

are super forgetful.

d*ck: Hmm.

- What's in here?

- Oof, bad Betty.

One of the only ten

produced in a lab in Croatia

Or was it Schenectady?

RYAN: Either way, it comes from hell.

Dad won it in a cribbage game.

- Tell me more.

- Never tried it.

Some trips you can't

come back from, d*ck.

Step aside, David Crosby.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Off limits, even to my enemies.

The Moonshine may be the wild west,

but I still know

how to spell liability, cowboy.

Crushing legal action.

Well, now you're speaking my language.

Your eyes are mesmerizing.

I should look away,

but I don't want to.

You wouldn't be the first one.

Or the last one.

KEN: It's like looking into

two sparkling sapphires,

deep azure lagoons of

[CASE CLICKS SHUT]

KEN: Oh, why don't we, uh

start with something

a little more mellow, friend?

I don't mind if I doobie-doobie-do.

♪

♪

[DEEP EXHALATION]

[LAUGHS]

♪

[EXHALES DEEPLY]

WOMAN: I'm so sorry.

You don't even seem sad.

- [EXAGGERATED SOB]

- MAN: My condolences.

[ELEANOR SCOFFS]

ANI: Finn, El.

I came as soon as I heard.

I am so, so sorry.

ELEANOR: Yeah,

I think I'm still in shock.

Way to sell it, Ani.

FINN: Life will never be the same.

- Oh, God! [CRYING]

- Sell what?

ANI: "Free booze"?

[FINN SOBBING]

Oh, God.

Mommy

[EXAGGERATED SOB]

Mommy!

Oh my God

[PHONE LINE RINGING]

LIDIA: Gary, hey!

My favourite tax accountant!

Yes, yes, I know, I've been MIA.

Just like my bank account! [LAUGHS]

Question, hypothetical, of course:

Why would a really rich dude

build resorts and then find

excuses to never open them?

♪

Mm-hm

Right.

♪

Thanks, Gary.

Oh

I know what you did, d*ck.

You d*ck!

Ugh!

♪

Password, password, password

[KEYBOARD TAPPING]

[BUZZING SOUND]

[KEYBOARD TAPPING]

[BUZZING SOUND]

[SIGHS]

♪

♪

♪

♪

[PEOPLE CHEERING]

BECKY & JOJO: Party b*tches, woo!

SAMMY: Wow, someone wins

"best dead sister face."

Shut up, this is real.

I'm in mourning.

Over what?

My relationship with Wes?

Me.

Did you get your biopsy results?

Yeah, it's bad.

- Cancer?

- Worse.

The doctor says that I have to

quit smoking and drinking

and cut down on my random HPV

sex so that I don't get cancer.

Better than being dead?

Is it?

It's funny, dying in

the place you were born.

The shore club.

I started sneaking into this place

when I was 12 years old.

Had my first shot at this bar.

Bummed my first dart right there.

Did you know my first job

was as a booker for this place?

Dad thought it would

keep me out of trouble.

Tell that to the divorced father

of two I took to prom.

[SAMMY CHUCKLES] Oh my God.

Here I am, almost-cancer survivor,

virtually unemployed, probably single,

and unable to smoke.

Sounds to me like

the beginning of a new chapter.

So many amazing bands

used to pass through here,

and a real booker

could restore this place to

Sort-of glory?

♪

♪

d*ck: I wish I'd known her. She's hot.

You did know her

she worked for you!

And she was really excited

about those designs

until you used them

to destroy our family home.

Well, it's mighty big of you

to party with me at her funeral.

I mean, given the circumstances.

Come on, let me buy you a drink.

No, I'm actually sober.

Uh, it's a long, weird story.

I thought quitting drinking

would help me become

more successful, but it turns out

I'm just as big of a screw-up

as when I was a drunk.

How does a man even get successful?

Is it the eyes?

You want my advice?

Take life by the ba*ls.

Squeeze 'em, hard as you can.

Squeezing seems like it would hurt.

Success is a staircase.

The people are the steps.

Something my son doesn't understand.

I don't like what he's done

or how he's doing it,

but Wes seems like a nice kid.

Wes is a disappointment.

Like my first wife.

Cared too much.

Nature this, camping that,

"the environment is dying!"

Blah, blah, blah

I can hear the terrible words,

but all I can see is the ocean.

Avert your gaze, son.

Do you have any more coke?

I'm falling asleep here, man.

♪

Three tabs of acid, a Thai stick,

and a man-ham of mescaline.

How is he still standing?

And why do his eyes make me

want to give him all my money?

We're running out of a*mo, dad.

Has anyone heard from Lidia?

♪

♪

[EXAGGERATED WAILING]

♪

[LIDIA SIGHS]

♪

[LIDIA GASPS]

NORA: Uh,

discount Grey Gardens called.

They want their wardrobe back.

[IN A WHISPER] Decent turn out.

Are people having fun?

Is the communal grief palpable?

Is the tuna dry?

Oh, God, I wish I was still

alive so I could micro-manage.

What are you even doing here anyway?

You're gonna blow your cover.

Did you find the silver b*llet

that's gonna take d*ck down?

[IN A WHISPER] Not just the b*llet.

I found the silver arsenal.

♪

The reason I can't get dirt,

or a reservation at that spa

in palm desert, is because

it never opened!

And that's just one of

the Lonergan Developments

that never opened.

Okay, so Lonergan sucks

at opening resorts?

He uses these "builds"

as a tax write-off.

They were never intended to open.

He builds them and then

immediately declares bankruptcy.

Fraud! Super ill*gal!

So the new resort, ruining our family,

bulldozing the Moonshine,

is for a tax write-off?

He really is a d*ck!

Do you have proof?

I was given access to

the company files to upload

my designs, but I need d*ck's password

to get into financials.

Right, because the biggest

jackass on the planet

is just gonna hand over his password?

[LIDIA SIGHS]

I didn't come back from

the dead for nothing, baby.

God

♪

[CROWD MURMURING AND CUTLERY CLINKING]

♪

I didn't even get to say goodbye.

BECKY: Well, you can say hello

to all the free booze.

Can't you see that I am devastated?

That's what shooters are for.

I don't drink!

I am grieving.

So much drama for some

snotty stuck-up biatch.

Oh, hey, no!

She was none of those things.

She was the only woman

who ever believed in me.

She told me that I could be

more than just a party b*tch.

That I could own

and operate my own business.

She gave me my loan for my first van,

which led to my second van,

which did get repoed

because of my boyfriend,

a.k.a. her brother. But you know what?

This is about Lidia,

and she was everything.

You know what?

She's not really gone

because I am going to

carry on what she started.

I am going to become

a big-city boss babe

in her honour!

That's right,

I'm gonna reach for the stars.

So you hold onto your butts, world,

'cause Crystal Clean

is coming to Halifax!

♪

So, yea or nay on the shooters?

Jesus! I need to grieve somewhere

that doesn't smell like tuna fish!

- [SNORING]

- [BABIES CRYING]

OSCAR: Wake up, my snoozing beauty.

It's been nine hours;

There's a lot going on.

A wake you need to sell,

two screaming babies,

and the desecration

of my last moral fibre!

ANI: Rhian? Oscar?

Ani?

[BABIES CRYING]

Can someone please

tell me what's going on?

Long story.

Lidia hit the road

with her biker boy toy.

She faked her death, he got away.

- What?

- I filed the police report,

which is now just a pile of lies

Oh God, the lies!

And now Rhian won't wake up,

and I'm almost out of

breast milk, and, and

these, these puppies?

They cannot lactate! I tried!

And did I mention

Rhian is not waking up?

Okay, you mind if I go up?

[BABIES CONTINUE CRYING]

[RHIAN SNORING]

Rhian?

Rhian, I think I found

a way to save the Moonshine.

Ani?

You finally came through?

I have a plan.

Even though the scramasax wasn't real,

I was able to convince

a relic authenticator

to fudge a document to stop the build.

What?

- How?

- I took him out for dinner.

Lots of fake laughing.

And, uh, well,

if you thought I was boring

I do.

Well, so

d*ck Lonergan won't

be able to build within

five miles of this place.

I can have my queendom back?

Mm-hm!

So you didn't sh*t

the bed after all, did ya, Ani!

Oh

♪

I can't let you do this.

Why not?

Because if you were ever found out,

you'd lose your job,

and then you would resent me.

And I would resent you

for resenting me,

and you don't want me to resent you.

Hmm. I am really glad you said that.

I really do love my career.

Also, are you okay?

[BABIES CRYING]

I don't know.

[CROWD CHATTERING]

[INDISTINCT MUSIC

PLAYING IN BACKGROUND]

Hey.

Sammy, I'm so sorry.

I can't help but think this had

something to do with my father

and how he treated her,

how he treated all of you.

Uh it's not as dire as you think.

So

- Long story.

- [d*ck LAUGHS IN BACKGROUND]

- d*ck: Woo!

- JOJO: Shake it for me!

d*ck: Another round!

I have to go.

Wait. Hey, hey wait.

If you're so against your dad,

then why don't you just stop him?

Just tell him how you feel.

He's right there.

- I can't.

- Why?

Because he'll shut me out.

I don't have anyone else right now.

♪

♪

[TENDER MUSIC]

Yeah, you do.

♪

Ahh!

Tragic, isn't it?

d*ck: Yeah.

The bottom-shelf Tequila

tastes like a*s.

No, I-I meant about Lidia.

Who?

The architect?

Whose designs you loved?

- The dead woman.

- Ahh!

Yeah, such, such a loss.

- Mm-hm!

- Tequila?

The sweetest word. Ah!

"Tequila!" [GIGGLES]

Do you have a favourite word?

Maybe a number?

Ooh!

Are you single?

Just kidding.

It doesn't really matter to me.

[LIDIA SHRIEKS WITH LAUGHTER]

You are a charmer!

Seriously, though, the word?

Nah, the only thing I'm serious about

is getting out of this dump.

Oh, hey, you wanna see my giant yacht?

It's not a euphemism

Unless you want it to be.

Ugh, God! What is wrong with you?

Yeah, that's right.

It's me, d*ck!

Lidia Finley-Cullen.

The dead woman!

Maybe I am high.

I'm not actually dead, you idiot.

But you will be soon.

I know about your scam, d*ck.

How you build resorts and then

you never open them and

Don't you bat your eyelashes

while I'm nailing you to the wall!

I have piercing blue eyes, too.

Not gonna work, bud!

Well, I was never gonna

open this resort either.

Not even for the tax break.

- Ugh!

- Not valuable enough.

- [GASPS]

- No, this one?

This one was just a bone

to throw to my useless son.

Ah, there you are!

Oh, come on, you thought I was

gonna let you screw this up

like you did that line of

eco-conscious streetwear, huh?

The "bespoke joggers"?

You intervened on that project

and we wound up in a sexual

harassment lawsuit, dad!

Oh.

You've done this to me my entire life.

Just when I'm on the verge

of having something of my own,

right, of maybe succeeding.

You can't handle anyone else

being in the spotlight,

so what do you do?

You step in and you destroy it!

I mean, come on!

What loser is going to invest

actual cash into this place

just so Joe and Josephine

who-gives-a-rats-a*s

can lounge themselves on the beach for

two pathetic weeks of their vacation?

- I would.

- Yeah, whatever.

And you know, it's

a post-truth world, blondie.

And good luck linking Wesworld

with my offshore accounts.

I'm a corporate raider, you tools!

I'll Bury you in legal fees.

LIDIA: You really are the biggest d*ck

I've ever met in my life.

d*ck: Yeah!

I'm long d*ck Lonergan, baby!

I take whatever I want, when I want.

And that includes

your stupid little black pill.

That didn't even take me down.

I feel nothing!

I wouldn't have done that

if I were you.

Well, you're not me,

and that's too bad because

[VOICE ECHOES] I am awesome!

- [ECHOING LAUGH]

- [PSYCHEDELIC MUSIC]

[VOICE ECHOES]

Are you okay there, d*ck?

[VOICE ECHOES] Ahh

[LAUGHTER]

[LAUGHTER]

[VOICE ECHOES] Ahh

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

[PSYCHEDELIC MUSIC]

[d*ck LAUGHING]

♪

♪

one step beyond! ♪

["ONE STEP BEYOND" BY MADNESS PLAYING]

Whoa h*-h*-h*!

♪

♪

Is he circumcising himself?

LIDIA: Well, as a bona fide

jewess, I'd have to say

he's doing it wrong!

Yeah!

Woo!

I'm the biggest d*ck in the universe!

CROWD: [CHANTING] Lick the d*ck!

Lick the d*ck! Lick the d*ck!

Lick the d*ck!

Lick the d*ck! Lick the d*ck!

Lick the d*ck!

Lick the d*ck! Lick the d*ck!

Lick the d*ck!

Lick the d*ck! Lick the d*ck!

Lick the d*ck!

NORA: Come on, buddy!

SAMMY: Guys, good news.

d*ck has gone viral.

The trolls are having a field day.

Eugh

A few weeks of pain and then

watch him get some big TV deal.

Also, um, why did it seem like

no one cared that I was gone?

There was more emotion

around the 2-for-1 draft.

Did the death of a sort-of-middle-aged

single mother seriously

only deserve five minutes

before the next viral disaster?

ELEANOR: Well, maybe it's

because there's so many of us.

You lose one Finley-Cullen,

there's always ten more.

[CHANTING CONTINUES]

♪

You're alive!

I am alive!

Oh!

You're still alive!

LIDIA: I missed you too!

I matter! I matter.

♪

NEWS: [VIDEO] Billionaire

developer Richard Lonergan

was filmed dressed like

a phallus, screaming that

he, quote, "wants to

'expletive' the world,"

end quote, at the family

campground named the Moonshine,

which, to be honest,

I'd like to check out.

Lonergan Developments' stock

prices dropped temporarily,

but are now soaring

past pre-HR disaster levels.

d*ck: [VIDEO] I am long d*ck Lonergan!

Ugh

[GASPS]

His frat name that's it!

Oh!

♪

Long

d*ck

Lonergan.

Oh, yes! Okay.

♪

There we go.

Finance.

[GASPS]

[MOUTHS WORDS] Oh my God!

[CACKLES]

I've got you by the d*ck, dongergan!

[LAUGHS]

Don't be sad, Neil.

I'll be back soon.

JILL: I'm not usually the type

for sun-up rendezvous,

but I guess, for you,

I could make an exception.

Oh, I see.

I'm going to Florida.

To get my woman.

Is that why you called me here?

I just wanted to see

your face when I told you

that if you were the last

cribbage player on earth,

after what you've done to my

family and tried to do to me

Never, ever happen again.

Is that so?

Get off my property.

Leave my family alone.

♪

♪

♪

[CAR DOOR SLAMS AND ENGINE STARTS]

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

[WAVES ROLLING]

♪

♪

[d*ck GROANS]

[BOTTLE OPENS]

[WAVES ROLLING]

I'd be lying if I said

I remembered what happened.

[CHUCKLES]

You couldn't even remember my name.

And did we?

Oh, no. No, no!

Though you did try to

screw almost everyone else.

And succeeded,

with an inflatable lobster.

[CHUCKLES]

Still somehow

came out richer in the end.

[SIGHS] Lonergan stock prices are up.

You're a meme.

Congrats.

Huh!

Well, that's the way the world works.

What's it all for, d*ck?

This trail of empty hotels

and shattered lives.

I mean, your own son

wants nothing to do with you.

Well, men can have kids till they die.

Maybe I'll squeeze out a do-over.

[LIDIA SCOFFS]

Ugh, God!

I spent my entire career getting

suckered by men like you!

Guys who screw up over and over

and still come out on top.

When a woman makes one or two

Maybe a few dozen mistakes [SIGHS]

she needs to reinvent.

Every g*dd*mn time.

You know what?

Not anymore.

I have the files, d*ck.

Three decades of fraud.

All the evidence needed

for the nice folks

at the tax department

to take you down.

Leave the Moonshine alone

or die in jail.

Wow.

Hot and ruthless.

I don't suppose

you'd want a job for real.

Men like you have

no use for women like me.

Can't make you money.

Too old and smart to screw.

Anyway

♪

I'm spoken for.

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

[BIRD CALLING]

[BABIES BABBLING]

Is this really the best

picture we could find?

What happened to my slideshow idea?

Maybe with a little Sarah McLachlan?

Oh, come on!

The sun is shining.

[SIGHS HAPPILY]

I'm still alive,

and so is the Moonshine.

RHIAN: For now.

Yeah, we're still broke,

unemployed, aging rapidly

RHIAN: Well, I feel great.

I had a nap,

I feel rested

And I had an epiphany.

Oh, God!

I need help.

Yeah, we've been saying that

for years, psycho.

"Having it all" doesn't feel

like I thought it would.

I mean, sure, my life

looks perfect from the outside,

being a mom, a partner,

FCBA president, a career woman.

And don't get me wrong,

I could do it all alone, but

uh, honey bear, standing right here

What are you saying, Rhian?

I want the three of us to be partners.

Run the Moonshine together.

NORA: Like us? As in us?

Mm-hm!

LIDIA: Yeah.

I mean, I know I've been fighting it,

but maybe everything

I need is right here.

Other than a pedicure;

I need that, like, yesterday.

RHIAN: But just to be clear,

when I say "together,"

I'm still the one in charge.

Right. What could possibly go wrong?

Ah, looks like somebody

got back together

with his luv-ah!

SAMMY: Um

Has anyone checked

our bank statements today?

Why bother? We're broke.

Check again!

LIDIA: Five million dollars?!

- Yeah!

- [LAUGHTER]

What?!

WES: It's from my dad.

I don't know what

you said to him, Lidia,

but he wants to become a seasonal.

And this is his

non-refundable deposit.

What?!

[ALL CHEERING]

[SCREAMING AND CHEERING]

Ha-ha!

♪

["I'LL BE AROUND"

BY THE SPINNERS PLAYING]

♪

This is our fork in the road ♪

♪

Love's last episode

RYAN: Come on, Neil!

There's nowhere to go, oh no ♪

you made your choice ♪

[CHEERING]

Now it's up to me ♪

to bow out gracefully ♪

though you hold the key, but baby ♪

whenever you call me,

I'll be there ♪

whenever you want me,

I'll be there ♪

[POLICE SIREN CHIRPS]

Whenever you need me,

I'll be there ♪

I'll be around

Uh [CLEARS THROAT]

Uh

OSCAR: Moira

I-I swear I didn't know

Lidia was actually alive

when I filed that

police report, and

and the teeth looked very real!

Do I look like a frickin' dentist?

Is it Terry?

Actually, yeah.

In return for his job back,

Officer Gallagher confirmed

a tip we just received.

The skull that was

discovered last week

It's been ided.

Jimmy Murphy. Your biological father.

[IN A WHISPER]

They're gonna arrest mom.

MOIRA: Anyone here

happen to be a m*rder*r?

♪

Babe!

NORA: Yep

♪

♪

♪

♪