03x06 - Hold Me Closer Tiny Cancer

[bunniefuu]

NORA: Previously on Moonshine

- Hello?

- RECEPTIONIST: Hello, Nora.

This is Dr. Wicket's office.

Best keep the enemy close Mmm

WES: My father wants to

hold a beat on the press.

Things are always shifting with him.

Shifting

- Things?

- Yeah.

Totally cool. I-I I love to shift!

Got low energy?

Have I got the thing for you:

Manthusium's best-selling

Multi-vita-men,

for all your manly needs!

ANI: The scramasax

isn't a viking relic.

It's a replica from the 1870s

that fooled my naked eye.

WES: My father wants more nature.

He's bulldozing the Moonshine.

LIDIA: I'm just as shocked as you are!

Lidia (V.O.): The upkeep

of an old family home

takes a sh*t-ton of work.

Sure, they're full of character,

but east coast charm

doesn't come cheap.

To keep the old pile standing,

cracks need to be spackled,

paint applied,

chronic leaks fixed

RHIAN: [SNEEZES] Augh!

I would not have procreated if

I knew I was gonna piss myself

every time I sneezed!

LIDIA: And electrical rewired.

Ahh!

[GRUNTING]

LIDIA: But no matter how

much routine maintenance we do,

the structure won't survive

without one crucial element

a solid foundation.

RHIAN: [VOICE]

You're the living embodiment

of a sh*t pile, you traitor!

You said you weren't

gonna add any more sh*t

LIDIA: Without that, well,

even the mighty will fall, b*tches!

[SIGHS] k*ll me

["BAD SIDE OF THE MOON"

BY APRIL WINE PLAYING]

This is my life, my life

this is my life, this is my life ♪

this is my life, my life

[LOUD KNOCKING]

What happened

to our artistic partnership?

Building a sustainable

biophilic design,

protecting the nature

and the community

that you were building upon?

And by community, I mean us!

My family, who wants

me dead, by the way.

You will be protected

if you take the money.

Do you know how hard it was

for me to convince my dad

to throw you guys a bone?

It's not about the money for us,

Wes, it's about heart,

family legacy, honour!

Huh, a different tune than

when you brokered your fee.

- I want my designs back.

- Wesworld owns them now.

This isn't a game that

you can win, Lidia.

My father is ruthless.

Trust me.

♪

♪

Phew

♪

Whoa, God!

Gross, why are you

still asleep at noon?

I should be the one

still asleep at noon.

I'm due for my daily

dose of avoiding life

and this couch is where I do it.

Are those my Jean shorts?

I was here first,

and I'm seriously depressed.

Oh, hell no,

this is way above my pay grade.

Get up, shorty, come on.

[CLICKS TONGUE]

Yeah, what for? The world's a mess.

Climate change isn't going anywhere.

A woman doesn't even have

the rights to her own body!

[CLEARS THROAT]

Why is your fridge always so empty?

I can't live off

c*ck olives forever!

I'm so hungry!

So are you not, um [CLEARS THROAT]

you're not gonna get off my couch?

Rhian said you have a

family meeting at 10 anyway.

Attendance is mandatory.

♪

♪

RHIAN: What was the point

of boinking the enemy

if you couldn't even save our home?

It was a summer fling,

not a bank transaction.

If only someone had

shut down Lidia sooner.

I'm a DJ, not a therapist.

If Ryan hadn't had

his head up his buttcrack

with his weird

toxic masculinity cult

RYAN: Okay, wow,

there is nothing weird,

toxic, or cultish

about the true wisdom

and ultimate tenets of Manthusium!

What's with you today?

KEN: Hey, what about the buyout?

Two million dirty bucks

is no small chunk of change.

It could set you kids up.

Sure, two mill now,

but after we subtract

what we owe in outstanding debts,

minus what we have to pay

in capital gains, ew,

and then there's

personal tax, income tax,

sales tax, and then

I gotta adjust for inflation,

and then I gotta divide it

by all five of the siblings,

and then there's Ken and Bea,

they count as one,

so that's six. Uh, it's more like

Hmm, yeah, $78,000 each.

Canadian.

[MOUTHS WORD] Wow.

We're rich!

I'm never gonna have to

work another day in my life!

Ha-ha! A-ha-ha!

Oh, seventy

[FALLS SILENT]

[LOUD SLURPING]

You guys are holding

a family meeting without me?

What if it was only divided by five?

LIDIA: Okay, look.

I know this was a major screw-up

and a slice of the blame pie is mine.

Okay, maybe I baked the pie.

But we're family, right?

We're supposed to have

each other's backs.

We can get through this.

♪

Nora?

♪

$78,000?!

I could bedazzle

my Crystal Clean tanks

with, like, diamonds!

And I could work out in an actual gym

where the floor isn't

dirt and broken glass!

Ha!

You know what, though, babe?

Free money might be

tempting to some people,

but we don't need

other people's money,

because we are nailing the biz game!

Look, you're closing in

on your 20% sales bonus.

I've got my baller new van.

Uh, can anyone spell

"unstoppable power couple"?

[GIGGLES]

I guess I have some selling to do!

Oh, yeah, you do! [LAUGHS] Yeah!

Muah! [GIGGLES]

Where is my baller new van?

[OMINOUS MUSIC]

Did somebody boost my frickin' van?

[SCREAMS]

[DOG BARKING IN DISTANCE]

[RHIAN HUFFS]

[BONG BUBBLING]

[KEN EXHALES]

[SITAR MUSIC PLAYING]

Did you mean what you said

about us taking the money, dad?

Are you strapped for cash?

No, I grow my own pot.

I brew 100 proof moonshine.

I got more free camper barbecue

than any man needs.

Well, you'll no longer be able

to steal food from the campers,

dad, 'cause there will be no campers!

Oh

Maybe I do need the money.

No, what we need is to fight.

Tell Wes he can take his money

and shove it up his trust fund.

Then we'll be without

the Moonshine and the money.

Not if we get our

historical designation

which we needed yesterday!

[RHIAN COUGHS]

Jesus, are you trying to get me

and my breastfed twins stoned?

I just thought it might

help mellow your meltdown.

Meltdown?

[SIGHS]

The, uh, scramasax

Is not a viking relic.

Ani was wrong.

What?!

[SIGHS]

How long have you known about this?

Time, uh, what is it, anyway?

A construct.

I didn't want to worry you.

We're dead.

That's it.

We're all dead.

Ehh, maybe not.

Not yet, anyway.

Uh, Ani's trying to

come up with a new plan.

I just don't know

if it'll be soon enough

to stop the effing Lonergans,

and I got a lot to think about.

Great. Thanks, dad.

- Jesus, Bea, where are you?

- Hello?

[GRUNTS]

[GASPS]

♪

♪

♪

[VIDEO GAME SOUND EFFECTS]

[DANIEL SIGHS] There you are!

I've been looking

all over for you, pal.

- What are you up to today?

- This.

Come on, hang out with your old man.

[IN A WHISPER] Are you upset with me?

Why would I be upset?

I mean, beating the woman who

gave birth to me with a sword

made from beer cans is

a perfectly normal thing to do.

She beat me first!

Okay, fine, I was a selfish,

overly emotional jerk,

but that doesn't mean

we can't go fishing.

Not talk to each other

like normal dysfunctional

father-son duos.

Have a sneaky beer or two.

I'm not asking.

[SIGHS]

♪

LIDIA: The rest of the family

is pissed at me,

I get it, but you seem pissed,

too, which is weird.

You normally see

the good in your crazed

yet well-meaning older sis.

See, when we're not getting along,

you don't even know how to function.

I can function just fine.

It's just life's too short

to waste spiralling

and not smoking.

Or maybe that's why it's too short.

You know your daughter's

depressed, right?

- She won't get off my couch.

- Yeah, I know.

The fight with Daniel, the divorce.

My fault, too

pre-empting that blame spiral.

Nora, come on.

You're my best friend.

I need things with

you and me to be good.

Things are good.

You happy now?

And for the record, my current

sh*t mood isn't about you.

Hmm?

You ever thought of that?

Okay, then what's going on?

Please, for the love

of all things holy,

let me care about someone

other than my own shitty self

for five minutes.

Spill, or I will rip out your

fancy la eyelash extensions;

Don't think I can't tell.

Fine.

Um, you know those stupid

fertility tests with Terry?

Oh, God, you can't have kids?

Oh, are you kidding?

That would be great news.

No, um, they found some

abnormality or some sh*t

in my lady junk.

Yeah.

Um, they can't get me in

for a biopsy for seven months.

Ugh!

So, it was fun while it lasted.

Seven months?

That's insane.

Welcome to Nova Scotia,

where people go to die.

And eat lobster, and then die.

- Did you tell Terry?

- No.

I don't want him or anyone

else knowing about this.

My messed-up cooch

is my problem, okay?

Aww.

Mmm.

Let me do something to help.

Says the woman who turned help

into the original four-letter word.

Worry about your own life,

Lidia, okay?

♪

♪

♪

♪

Why am I here?

Because it's not healthy

for you to spend all day

wallowing on the couch.

Just following your lead, mom.

Or have you forgotten

you wallowed on the couch

all winter long, complete with

a police-issued ankle monitor?

I endeavour for you

to be a better version of me.

I also endeavour for me

to be a better version of me,

starting with this super fun,

mother-daughter outing!

To the doctor's office?

LIDIA: Oh, hi there

Nina!

- What a beautiful name.

- Hmm!

I was just wondering if,

uh, perchance you had

a little wiggle room

in your schedule book

to, uh, fit in a potentially

life-saving biopsy

for my sister?

Does it look like we have wiggle room?

[PATIENT COUGHS]

Um, did I mention

that these were made by

an artisan baker, trained in France.

It's against office policy

to accept gifts from patients.

Is the doctor in?

Um, just I would love a quick chat.

Doctor-patient confidentiality

prohibits us from

- discussing your sister's care.

- Right, right.

ELEANOR: The Canadian health

care system is publicly funded

yet the man still holds all the cards.

Fair? Hardly.

LIDIA: Hardly, right?

Yeah! I mean

You think you'd be

a little more helpful

considering our tax dollars

pay your salary.

[CHUCKLES TENSELY]

Aren't you a Finley-Cullen?

Yeah

RECEPTIONIST: Everyone knows

you don't pay your taxes.

ELEANOR: The doc is leaving!

♪

Je ne pense pas.

♪

CRYSTAL: So I thought

that my van was stolen,

but it turns out it was towed.

It was repossessed!

Because my cheque

for the down payment bounced!

You sure you had enough

money in your account?

Yeah! Nearly $2,000.

And my credit score is solid

and business is booming,

and it just

it doesn't make any sense.

See?

You're so good at math.

Could you help me?

Well, I have been jonesing

for my forensic accounting days.

Oh!

Crunching numbers,

bench-pressing balance sheets,

having actual adults to talk to.

[BABY BABBLING]

Um, it looks like your

account has been compromised.

Funds taken out by a third party.

- Who?

- Identity theft knows no bounds.

They prey on the defenceless.

They find cracks in the system.

And then when you

least expect it pow!

Right?

But you know who they can't fool?

- Who?

- This guy.

And this guy!

And this guy right here!

Isn't that right?

Okay, look, I'm gonna get

your money and your van back,

or else my name isn't Oscar.

But wait, your name isn't Oscar,

it's Colin.

- A technicality.

- Okay.

Just leave it to me.

- Okay?

- Thank you!

You're welcome.

Say bye-bye, Auntie Cwystal!

Bye-bye, Auntie Cwystal!

- [BABY BABBLING]

- Okay, guys, we got work to do.

We are going to catch a criminal.

Yes, we are!

We are gonna catch a criminal.

Yes, we are!

Okay, Crystal,

let's see what's going on

Oh, no

['80S ROCK PLAYING ON RADIO]

[DANIEL LAUGHS]

Man, this song!

Reminds me of my old fraternity days.

Gettin' hit with a waffle iron

during the chorus.

I mean, those

Those were good times.

Delta Phi Or die!

Hoo-hoo!

FINN: Yeah, literally die,

because of brutal hazing rituals

and twisted macho-centric initiations.

No, being in a frat

is about making connections,

and lifelong friendships,

that, in turn,

will ensure you'll financially

dominate in the future!

Ooh, twisted and elitist!

Here's a fun fact.

Me and, uh, d*ck Lonergan,

we used to sneak away on weekends

to go fishing in the Hamptons.

Yeah, we would compete to see

who could catch the biggest fish.

The loser had to buy

all the beers for the night.

That cheapskate,

he always bought domestic.

Oh, fascinating.

Oh, I got a bite!

I got a bite!

[STRAINING] Or It's a body!

Augh!

Come on, baby!

JILL: Mmm!

Snacks for our game?

Ha, you shouldn't have.

Was that today?

I forgot.

How about our hot kiss?

You forget about that, too?

That was your hot kiss!

My lips just happened to be there.

Win-win, baby.

You lose the Moonshine,

you gain a new lover.

I want my old lover.

Bonus, we'll have some

serious piss-off money.

I mean, the Lonergans

are offering you more cash

than you ever pulled in

in this sh*thole.

What's Rhian gonna

do without this place?

She's a walking HR disaster!

And Ryan?

Who the hell else is gonna

house and feed that kid?

Yeah, I get it.

[CHUCKLES] Shocker.

[SIGHS]

I worry about Crystal, too.

Well, you know what

they say about parenting,

the first 40 years are the hardest.

[CHUCKLES]

Then there's Bea,

without a home to come back to.

You really think a broken-down

campground's the thing

that's gonna bring her back?

Seems like she's made her choice.

You don't have to be alone, Ken.

[POIGNANT MUSIC]

[POLICE SIRENS]

♪

♪

WES: What the hell is going on?

Whoa, get your

overpriced Jesus sandals

off my crime scene, baby warbucks.

This isn't a crime scene,

it's my build site.

Uh, not anymore it's not.

♪

♪

[BABIES BABBLING]

Where'd you get the skull, Rhian?

Skull? What skull?

Oh, relax, it's just leftover

décor from the pirates' wedding.

But by the time

the cops figure that out,

hopefully we'll have come up

with a more permanent solution

- to stop the build.

- No, hold up.

Wes is gonna be pissed.

He's for sure gonna think that

I had something to do with it.

Why do you care?

Also, confirmed: You did!

Thanks for the tools!

I-I I don't care,

I just don't want

to be involved, Rhian.

And PS, this is a huge

waste of Foxton PD's time,

not to mention an indictable offence.

Can you just stop overthinking

things for a hot second

and celebrate our devious victory?

At whose expense?

You want to stop the build

just as much as I do.

So it's time to decide, Sammy:

Are you a worrier

or are you a warrior?

♪

♪

♪

ELEANOR: Still no action.

Is this poser surfing or napping?

LIDIA: Surfing, like revenge,

is all about patience.

Reading the waves and waiting

for just the right moment

to pounce.

Dr. Wicket doesn't know

what's coming for her.

Want me to swim out and talk to her?

I love Nora so much,

but I blow-dried my hair this morning.

It's not like it's life or death

we're talking about here.

It's so hot!

Oh, God

Does anybody have any water?

I'm burning up!

Oh my God, I feel dizzy.

I don't feel so good

Ahh

Help!

We need a doctor!

♪

Yes! Can you believe it?

Look at this baby!

I mean, it's just like

the kind d*ck Lonergan and I

used to catch. Snap a pic, will ya?

What, of you holding a fish?

What, are you already

creating your dating profile?

Just take the damn picture.

- [CAMERA CLICKS]

- FINN: [WHISTLES]

Yeah? It's good?

- Yeah, great.

- Perfect! Yes!

I am gonna tag the old b*stard

and remind him

that my frat buddy

owes me an imported IPA.

Is that why you asked me here?

To get Lonergan-worthy

material for your socials?

No!

To reconnect with the Lonergans?

You're stealing the job

from mom, aren't you?

It's just a damn photo, calm down!

Yeah.

Should have realized you

didn't actually want to hang.

You're the d*ck.

RYAN: What, what?

OSCAR: Get in, come on.

Oscar, I've got stuff to do, man!

Are you insane?

Stealing Crystal's money to

buy eight cases of snake oil

sold by a guy who legit thinks

he's a honey badger?

How did you find out?

I looked up the business ID number

on Crystal's credit card account.

Still got it!

I was gonna pay her back

all the cash, with interest,

once I sold out of this stuff. Only

Do you know how hard

it is to convince people

to gargle bovine jizz?

Yeah.

What you did to Crystal,

it's a legit felony.

I bankrupted my soulmate!

I crushed her dreams!

Technically,

you crushed her credit score.

I mean, yes, well, and her dreams.

But you can make it all right.

You just gotta go back to Manthusium,

return the product,

and get her money back.

You're right.

I'll just explain it to Adrian,

man-rilla to honey badger!

He'll get it! Ha, you're a genius!

Please don't do that again.

COP: [BACKGROUND]

Mike, are you done over there?

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION]

♪

♪

DELLA: Interesting timing.

The Moonshine wants

to shut down this build,

and all of a sudden

there's a random skull?

This is Leblanc land.

Did you ask who they've k*lled lately?

[LAUGHS] Amazing.

Do the Finley-Cullens have to

commit m*rder in front of you?

How about you do your job

and let forensics do its thing?

They'll analyze the findings

and come up with

an objective analysis.

I'm gonna overlook the

reductive mansplaining, Terr,

but only because I heard about Nora.

My cousin works at the tanning

salon beside the medical clinic.

It's scary stuff.

Really makes you think, eh?

Send her my best, will ya?

♪

♪

♪

DR. WICKET: Sit here.

So, dizziness,

confusion, you're hot

LIDIA: Oh, thank you!

You're not so bad yourself.

Way to rock a wetsuit, girl.

I meant that your body

is not able to cool itself down.

Those are signs of heat stroke.

When was the last time

you had a drink?

Well, I pretty much drink

every day but, like, red wine,

so that's healthy-ish, right?

Oh, you mean water?

Um, maybe you should

ask her name, mom.

Right, yes, your name?

So I can thank you with a gift.

Like a spa day, maybe?

That's not necessary.

It's Carol Wicket.

Hmm, Wicket?

Wicket, Wicket, Wicket. Huh.

So familiar.

Oh my God, of course!

[LAUGHS]

Dr. Wicket!

My sister is one of your patients.

- Nora Finley-Cullen?

- Mm-hm.

And she's on, uh,

a waitlist for a biopsy.

Yeah, we're very backed up.

Yeah, that's sad.

Really, one minute

you're on a doctor's waitlist,

the next minute you're belly-up

and someone's spreading your

ashes on Kurt Cobain's grave.

Are you sure you can't

just squeeze her in?

I take care of the entire south shore.

Oh, come on, a little OT?

I get plenty of OT.

And yet, here you are surfing.

If you can call it that.

Easy to be so chill when it's

not your uterus in question.

- Excuse me, that's unacceptable.

- No, I'm so sorry.

I know, she's just a teenager.

Um, I totally understand

that you're swamped.

I'm a career woman as well.

I don't even have

time to hydrate! [LAUGHS]

But, see, I can't just hang ten

while the big C potentially

takes my sister down.

We will call you

when there's an opening.

In the meantime, I suggest you

tell Nora maybe to slow down

- a little bit.

- Whoa, excuse me?

Sorry, are you insinuating

that my sister's lifestyle

is to blame?

That she somehow deserves this?

Alright, you'll have to excuse me.

Oh my God, what is this?

LIDIA: What is that?

Aunt Rhian uses it

to tranquilize raccoons.

Don't point it at me, okay?

This isn't safe!

- Don't

- [DART FIRES]

- Ow, ow!

- LIDIA: Oh my God!

Ow, ow oh my God! Oh my God!

You shot me in the leg!

Eugh oh my God Oh my God

[SLURRING INCOHERENTLY]

- sh*t! Eleanor!

- I didn't mean to!

LIDIA: sh*t, sh*t, sh*t! God! sh*t!

- ELEANOR: Grab her legs!

- LIDIA: sh*t! Oh, God!

LIDIA: Eleanor, that thing

was for rabid animals,

emergencies only.

The life and/or death

of your favourite sister

isn't an emergency?

DR. WICKET: [DROWSILY] I don't

know more specialists

I can't anymore

Uh, you're gonna be okay, Dr. Wicket!

I think Obviously not a doctor.

[DR. WICKET MOANING]

Irresponsible and reckless.

You can't just break the rules

every time you have

an issue with something, El.

That's not how the world works.

You've broken the rules

a million times

to get what you want. No judgement.

I know you gotta do what

you gotta do to fight the man.

Dr. Wicket is a woman.

Ugh, that's so sexist!

Oh my God, oh my God.

You know what? I'm done.

That's it.

You're going to college.

No no!

No, you said it was my decision!

Well, that was before you

proved you were incapable

of making good decisions.

You are out of control.

No, you said college

needs to chill the eff out,

that the best education was no

education, that you trusted me!

Oh, I changed my mind!

You're seriously bipolar, mom.

No wonder dad agreed to that divorce.

You're selfish, and crazy,

and I hate you!

♪

[DOOR SLAMS]

♪

♪

[SIGHS]

♪

♪

RYAN: This is the Manthusium

headquarters?

OSCAR: Smart. Low overhead.

It's open.

OSCAR: Yeah uh, looks like

someone was living here,

emphasis on the "was."

That's Adrian's

alpha badger headdress!

I'm pretty sure that's a raccoon.

Adrian's a good guy.

I'm gonna call him,

he'll explain everything,

and then he'll transfer me the money.

What's behind your back, Oscar?

Nothing.

- Show me your hands.

- Ryan, come on, man.

- Show me your hands.

- [SIGHS]

♪

♪

I've been popping

caffeine pills this whole time?

That's why I haven't

slept in two weeks

Manthusium is a scam.

That makes me the scam-ee!

Hey Hey!

It could have happened to anyone, Ry.

It didn't!

It happened to me!

♪

Being a modern dude ain't easy.

I get it.

What am I gonna tell Crystal?

The truth.

Ryan, buddy

You don't need

bull jizz to be the bull!

Being vulnerable is the most

manly thing you can do.

♪

LIDIA: Again, I am so sorry.

Uh, my daughter's

still trying to figure out

how to process her emotions.

You both need therapy.

If only we could find a doctor!

[CHUCKLES] Sorry.

Listen, I-I

Understand you might

want to press charges,

but if you knew my sister,

you would care as much as I do.

Care?

Oh, I used to care.

I really did.

Until I moved to this town

in the middle of nowhere

with little to no support from

our broken health care system.

And honestly, I am

I am perpetually on-call.

Did you know that?

That I'm in this

constant anxiety loop,

so I actually appreciated that break!

I haven't had a sleep

that deep in years.

Wow. This is unexpected.

No one cares about Dr. Wicket! No!

I barely have time to take a piss.

Basically, at this point,

I consider bladder infections

my only hobby.

Well, that and not-surfing!

Okay, I only am surfing

because somebody told me

to do something for myself,

because everything else

that I do is for everyone else!

And to be honest?

Ooh, I hate most of

my patients so much!

It felt so good to say that.

It really felt really good.

You know, sometimes I just

wanna get on my surfboard

and catch a wave and get

the hell out of this place.

[SIGHS] Feel me?

Yeah, I do.

Sadly, I really do.

Run.

Run while you still can.

Duly noted.

But before I do, oh,

do you think you could

maybe squeeze in one last biopsy?

- [SIGHS]

- For old time's sake?

You can even wear the wetsuit!

Please.

- [BELL RINGS]

- Hello?

Doctor called, said there

was a last-minute opening.

If this is a surprise party,

I can think of a way

less creepy venue!

Although, up-side free drugs.

You must be Nora.

You gotta wear a wetsuit

to do this procedure?

sh*t

Oh, God, why am I not surprised?

You think I planned this?

That I wanted to kidnap a doctor?

You kidnapped the doctor?!

Napped being the operative word.

Okay, not my finest moment,

but whatever.

You're getting your biopsy,

so instead of being mad at me,

I don't know,

maybe a little gratitude?

What do you want, a tattoo

of your smug face on my a*s?

DR. WICKET: Okay, okay,

you both have three seconds

before I leave to mainline prosecco

and book my trip to Costa Rica,

so are we doing this or not?

- No!

- Yes.

We need to know if something's wrong.

Maybe I don't want to know.

Pants off, feet in stirrups, now.

♪

WES: I know your family's

involved in whatever bullshit

is going down at the build site.

Or maybe it's some, I don't know,

what's that word you're

always throwing around, kismet?

Oh, you suck at lying.

Well, you suck at relationships.

It doesn't matter.

This may delay the build for a second,

but it's not gonna stop it, Sammy.

Just tell your family to

take the buy-out, please!

You know, I used to

envy people like you,

with money and privilege, but

I don't know.

Now I just

- Pity you.

- Huh, okay.

You have no idea what a real home is.

How much do you want?

Give me a number.

Not everything has a price, Wes.

You know, I misjudged you.

I thought you were different.

I thought you were

better than this place.

I don't give a sh*t what you think.

We're done.

♪

["WORDS IN THE FIRE"

BY PATRICK WATSON PLAYING]

Put your words into the fire ♪

♪

watch them burn

your heart's desires ♪

♪

rise up in the air

♪

in a cloud of silk

and smoke and dust ♪

♪

DR. WICKET: You can get dressed now.

Fade into the night ♪

♪

DR. WICKET: I'll call you

with the results in a few days.

Cowabunga, doc.

You do know you're out of

your goddamned mind, right?

Your kid, too.

It's becoming abundantly clear.

[SIGHS, CLEARS THROAT]

But also

Thanks, I guess.

♪

[BOTH GIGGLING]

How you feeling?

Numb. Not in a good way.

You're gonna be fine, Nora.

Maybe.

But what if I'm not?

I keep

Trying to figure out what

I would do if I found out

that I was gonna

I know what you'd do.

Get my affairs in order?

If by affairs you mean

follow the truffle honey trail

all the way to your

hot biker's bed, then yeah!

God, you're probably right.

I would think about myself.

And my loins, because I'm a terrible,

selfish person

and an even worse mother.

Said without a trade of irony,

unfortunately.

I would finally fly to Morocco.

Mm-hm.

Break into Keith Richards' pad,

screw the first hot guy I see

on his red velvet chaise.

Hopefully Keith's not in

at the time, but if he is,

what the hell? I'll screw him, too!

Now, Keith hasn't really

been hanging out there

since the '70s, so I'd have

to build a time machine.

Really?

Well, maybe not the time machine part.

No Terry?

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

[LINE RINGS]

LIDIA: Never know when

a bulk box of latex gloves

might come in handy.

Just when I thought

I couldn't get more concerned.

- Love you.

- Night.

Aah, a two-minute

voicemail from my boss.

That can't be good.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Lidia?

Yes, Nora?

My boss is saying the facts

of my podcast didn't check out.

They're saying my source

denied everything.

No, no, no, I didn't deny

Everything.

It just I mean

I sounded so nuts when

they read it all back to me.

I may have massaged a few details.

They're pulling

the plug on my podcast.

They've terminated my contract.

I'm done.

Oh my God.

Nora, I'm so sorry.

But you have to understand,

I can't have all that out there.

My career is finally

getting back on track.

Well, so you thought

you'd blow up mine?

No!

[TEXT MESSAGE NOTIFICATION]

Oh my God. Seriously?

Terry's asking why I didn't

tell him about the test results.

This medical stuff

was supposed to be a secret

and the only person I told was you.

I swear to God, that wasn't me.

- Bullshit.

- Nora, I promise you.

Look, it may not

seem like it right now,

but I always have your back.

You don't have my back!

The only reason you did any of this

is to make yourself feel better

because everybody hates you.

That's not

you made my cancer scare about you!

I can't do this.

I can't deal with you, anymore.

I'm done!

[CAR DOOR SLAMS]

[ENGINE STARTS]

♪

♪

♪

♪

CRYSTAL: Today I choose to be happy.

My mind is a tool I can use

to get through anything.

I have the capacity to do great things

and I am only as good as I think

- [DOOR OPENS]

- Babe?

Why didn't you come home last night?

My van was repoed

and my savings are gone

and I really needed you!

I know who took your money.

That's so good! You found him!

Now you can tear his nuts off

and keep them as a trophy!

Or or her nuts,

because, you know,

women can be jerks, too.

See my mom for details.

[GASPS] Oh my God, was it my mom?

Because she is still hounding me

to pay for those skating lessons

that she kept forgetting

to pick me up from

Crystal, stop.

It was me.

I'm the dickwad that took your money.

Ry, please.

Please don't tell me

that you stole my savings

to buy testicle pills

Manthusium promised

to triple my money!

They said that I'd be rich,

that we'd be rich!

And I'd get to be the man

that you always wanted.

You were scammed.

I got scammed.

By the love of my life.

I'm gonna pay you back, every penny.

Mm-hm.

More important, uh

I'm never gonna let

another dirtbag like me

take advantage of you ever again.

What does that even mean, Ry?

It means I thought

I finally found my thing,

but it turns out that thing

is to hold you back.

If you're holding me back,

it's because I'm letting

you hold me back, like

Like my favourite scrunchie.

Crystal, I keep screwing up!

And you keep forgiving me!

Yeah.

♪

I'm bad for you.

I always have been.

Uh, have a beautiful, scam-free life,

and fly high,

like the bird, not the bong.

♪

♪

RHIAN: Big news, daddy-o.

I got some big news, too.

Your mom is coming home!

Oh!

It's about frickin' time.

Talk about shirking

on her Grandma duties.

[CHUCKLES] Uh, what's your big news?

Oh, nothing,

just that I single-handedly

saved the Moonshine.

Oh? How did you manage that?

I planted your pirate skull

at the construction site.

You know the one

you kept in the rafters?

Oh, no, Rhian

Yes!

And now the cops think

there's an unsolved m*rder.

It could take them months

to complete their investigation,

years even.

There is an unsolved m*rder.

That wasn't a fake

pirate skull, Rhian.

That was Jimmy.

No, dad.

We burned Jimmy's skeleton

in that filthy

Moroccan rug last summer.

Remember?

I'd been talking to the old

b*stard's corpse for so long

under the apple tree that

I couldn't bear to let him go.

I swapped his skull for a cantaloupe.

♪

So the m*rder investigation

is a real m*rder.

♪

And all roads

Are gonna point to your mom.

♪

♪

DANIEL: Apologize.

No way I'm apologizing to mom.

I think college is the

very least of your worries.

You could have

seriously hurt that doctor.

You could have been arrested, honey!

Mom was the one who dragged

me into this batshit plan

and I'm the one taking the fall?

You're right,

she deserves to be taken down.

If you ask me, she let you off easy.

Effective immediately,

you are grounded

for the rest of the summer!

How is that at all fair?

Oh, mom is not gonna agree to this.

- I know mom is not gonna agree!

- Mom!

- You know, she's probably

- Mom!

Okay, Eleanor, you're

welcome to ask your mother

Mom's gone.

What do you mean she's gone?

LIDIA: [VOICE] "Dear El and Finn,

"I'm sorry for not being

a proper role model

"you both could look up to.

"I don't want to be

a bad influence anymore,

"so I'm going away for a bit.

"You're both adults,

I know you'll be fine,

"but watch out for each other.

"I love you more than

all the stars in the sky.

"Mom."

["CHOSEN" BY ROSE COUSINS PLAYING]

This love is too much I am frozen ♪

♪

and I don't know

if I have what it takes ♪

♪

to be chosen

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

and I don't know

if I have what it takes ♪

♪

to be chosen

Lidia.

♪

♪

[CRYING]

♪

♪

♪

♪