10x07 - My Best Friend's Barbecue

[bunniefuu]

[J.D.] One of the most important skills
doctors learn

is how to keep their emotions in check.

We call this skill "doctor face."

So, during your son's surgery,
we found a tumor.

- I'm so sorry.
- [gasps]

[sobbing]

[J.D.] I wouldn't say the newbies
were nailing it yet.

It's about being professional.

[elevator bell dings]

My doctor face had gotten
better and better over the years.

You've got something on your face, Asher.

Looks like it's Amara.

Nothing could rattle me.

I'm not invited to the barbecue?
But it's our tradition.

J.D., we did it for 16 years.
That's hardly a tradition.

Oh, really?
Then why did we record this last year?

♪ We're writing a prescription
For our barbecue tradition ♪

♪ I'm already wishing
For next year's edition ♪

Harmony.

♪ Of our barbecue tradition ♪

♪ Tradition ♪

Okay, fine. Carla wants to do it
with Elliot and Wes this year.

You get it, buddy.

Then you go to her, and you fight for me.

I'm not strong enough, J.D.
She's going through menopause.

She's having mood swings,
night sweats, day sweats.

She's always wearing sweats.
I'm starting to avoid her.

Hey, have you seen Turk?

Yeah, he's right...

I haven't seen him.

Whoa. You just materialized.
You're like Merlin.

I've gotten good.

I see you. I ain't mad at the back either.

Okay. Okay.

[chuckling] We're super excited
about the barbecue.

Wes is bringing something
called a "Pilot's Booty."

It's first-class warmed nuts
mixed with coach pretzels.

Or you could just bring ice?

We'll figure out something else to bring.
Save your "Pilot's Booty" for me.

Okay, good night.

Oh!

Another hot flash?

Just shut up and fan me.

[J.D.] I guess Carla wanted
to hide her menopause,

but it wasn't going to be easy.

[screaming]

Doctor faces, everyone, doctor faces.

♪ I can't do this all on my own ♪

♪ No, I know I'm no Superman ♪

♪ I'm no Superman ♪

I've been thinking, we should spend
more time together, you know?

Really water the garden of our friendship.

You're not coming to the barbecue, J.D.

Oh, is that happening?

Our long-standing tradition
of smoking meat

and making memories that last a lifetime?

I wasn't even thinking about it.

Seriously, it's not about that.
I just... I miss you.

Don't be sweet with me right now.
I can't handle it.

- Okay, it's all good. Okay.
- [sighs] Don't touch me.

Mr. Butler, I'm Dr. Dorian...

I'm sorry, is that ranch dressing?

I brought my own from home.
I'm kind of a ranch snob.

Mr. Butler, if you don't make
some serious lifestyle changes,

you're gonna suffer through
bypass surgery for no reason.

But I am making lifestyle changes.
I take vitamins every day.

I walk every day.

I'm down to a jug a week.
I'm putting in the work.

Listen, I know
making lifestyle changes is hard,

but we're going to take this
one step at a time.

- [J.D.] Something just as important...
- We can start with your beverages...

...as doctor face is nurse voice.
And Carla was the best.

Guys, we did everything we could.
This was a high-risk case.

Yeah, but that doesn't make
telling the family any easier.

And yet, you are so good at it.

Actually, Dashana, you're gonna be the one

to tell the Garcia family
that he passed away.

Oh, come on, man.
Now, you know I'm not good at this.

Hey, other people's feelings
just bring up a lotta...

You know?

- Feelings?
- Yes!

Look, I'm not a crier, okay?

- I'm not even a hugger.
- Oh.

Even in high school basketball,
my coach told me to, "Bring it in."

Never did.

[laughs]

Well, you're just like me.

Hey! Come on, twin.

No. No, it was a bad thing.
I needed to work on it and so do you.

Look, that family is hurting.

You need to step up and be there for them...

because that's the job.

[J.D.] Even some of the old pros
could struggle with doctor face.

I am Mariah Carey.

Don't look at me!

[J.D.] But Elliot had other things
on her mind.

[giggling] Carla,
Wes just texted the funniest thing.

[J.D.] It was not funny.

All right, yeah, I get it.
"c*ck" means two things.

[chuckles] Classic, right?

Wait, do you not like him?

I mean, I don't really know him yet,
but I'm sure he's perfectly fine.

[J.D.] Elliot's relationship
wasn't the only one under scrutiny.

[mutters]

[door closes]

I really do need some gauze. Sorry.

- Bye.
- [door closes]

Okay. Anytime you have a hot flash,

ice cream in the morgue is our new go-to.

I'm just glad you're finally
talking about "the change."

Call it that one more time, you're gonna
find yourself in one of those drawers.

I'm not Teen Wolf.

[J.D.] Carla as Teen Wolf?

Don't get distracted. She needs you.

Hey, tell me. What's been going on?

Ugh!

It's been so hard, J.D.

I'm anxious, I'm moody, I can't sleep.
I'm finding hair in the strangest places.

I'll bet you are.

- Hey!
- Sorry!

You know what really sucks?

I'm doing everything that I used to
at home and at work.

- I always feel like I'm coming up short.
- Mm-hmm.

I hate aging.

Well, if it makes you feel any better,

the only thing longer
than my father's earlobes...

were his testicles.

So I've got that coming for me.

You know, that does make me feel better.

[chuckles]

Please don't make me do this.

I wanna cut stuff,
but not talk to families.

I'll just be a butcher.

Dashana, I'm gonna give you some advice

that's gotten me
through some really hard times.

"The only way to grow
is to face challenges

that seem beyond your strength."

That's on the poster behind me, isn't it?

It is. Put your doctor face on
and get in there.

Um...

Mrs. Garcia. I am so sorry.

We did everything we could.
Your husband didn't make it.

[crying]

[daughter] It's just so hard.

He worked all the time.

- He was such a good dad.
- Oh...

[crying]

It feels like you guys could just...
hug each other now?

No. No, no, no.
You guys are in great hands.

Take all the time you need.

- [sobbing]
- Mmm.

[J.D.] For some reason,
Amara really reminded me of myself.

- Give me a hug.
- Uh-uh.

Let me guess,
you've been kissing Asher again.

It's the craziest thing I've ever done.

And now that I've got a taste
of this crazy-girl lifestyle, I want more.

I wanna try sushi, pole dancing.
I wanna flash a trucker. And--

Okay, look. I love this for you,
but you still live with your aunt,

so you might wanna stay off the pole.

Maybe try going out with us
on a Saturday night

instead of making pasta and watching
The Great British Bake Off with her.

You're right.
We're going out on Saturday night.

- ♪ We're going out on Saturday night ♪
- Oh, my God.

- ♪ We're going out on Saturday night ♪
- Ay!

♪ We're going out on Saturday night ♪

So...

Shades inside, huh? Cool.

Looks like we're gonna get you started
on IV antibiotics for your cellulitis.

What you are going to get started on
is this list.

And this dressing room is unacceptable.

Baby, you was falling asleep again.

Again? What does that mean, "again"?
You're always saying again.

Nah, nah, I just be talking sometimes.

I have an energy-boost smoothie

for the hardest-working woman
in the hospital.

I call it "the mangopause."

[laughing]

- That's funny.
- Yeah. So funny.

I gotta get some more napkins
for my armpits.

Okay.

Would you like to borrow
some of my thunder

since I stole all of yours?

J.D., I'ma tell you something right now.

You sound like that guy who went
to go live with the grizzly bears.

At first he was like,
"I'm the grizzly man. They love me."

And then one day, they tore his a*s up.

Don't hate me
just because I understand women.

You know, I should really teach a course
for less enlightened guys like you.

I could call it, "Hey, man, pause."

[Turk laughing]

- Turk.
- Hey.

You can still eat sweet barbecue sauce
with your diabetes, right?

Yeah, I mean, I got my 'pod.

I can dose insulin from my phone
for any meal I want.

- Then we have some big news.
- Okay.

Wes is flying a pair of lungs
to save a smoker in Kansas City--

And then I'm stopping at a smoker
in Kansas City to pick you up...

the best brisket in the country.

- [smacks lips]
- [chuckles]

Wow, that's-- that's really nice.
Wow. Thank you, Wes.

It's okay, Turk.

You can be happy even though
I'm not invited to the barbecue.

Kansas City brisket, here we come!
Let's go!

[J.D.] I'm gonna put a hex on his belly.
Where is my witchcraft workbook?

So, Turk seemed excited.

Most meat makes Turk excited.

Three of our daughters are because
they kept bringing back the McRib.

Carla, do you like Wes or not?

Honestly, I thought your first fling
would be a lot more exciting.

He flies a plane. In the sky.

Yeah. You'd think
that'd be more interesting. Hmm.

I have something to show you
behind this curtain.

So when I told my dad about us,
he said that when you really like someone,

you should do something for them
every day to let them know.

His name is Asher Bear.

You told your dad about us?

- Mm-hmm.
- It's been less than a week.

We haven't even made out
in real clothes yet.

Well, that's long enough for me
to know how I feel about you.

Yeah, yeah.

Yet when I visualized this moment,

there was more kissing
and less backing away.

That sounds...

Yeah, yeah.

When you open your locker,
there may be an eruption of flowers.

Please disregard.

Dashana, I'm gonna be honest with you.
You failed the Garcia family big time.

But good news, you get to retake the test.

Okay, retake the test?
Mrs. Garcia knows he's dead.

I made that very clear.

Remember when the Garcia family was saying

- how he was always away working?
- Yeah.

Yeah, what he was working on
was hiding his second family.

[Raymond] Ooh, second family.

This is my favorite kind
of hospital gossip,

second only to when the baby
come out the wrong color.

[all] Mmm!

Oh, God, I cannot believe this.

Me neither. Mr. Garcia was not cute.

Fresh flowers, fruit bowl, Perrier.
Who does she think she is?

Mariah Carey. She was very clear.

She suffers from psychosis, Blake.
You got to treat the whole patient.

Even if that means
supporting some of her delusions.

What... How am I supposed to do that?

Look, Blake, you're the best intern
in this place.

You'll figure it out.

Wow, the best? Really?

Ha! See how good that made you feel?
[clicks tongue] Support the delusion.

Being kind is
part of being the best, Blake.

[chattering]

How come I only have two patients?

Oh! Child, Dr. Dorian asked us
to cut your workload

- into what you can handle.
- [Dubois] We got you, baby.

The way you carried us
when we first came on,

- we're gonna carry you now.
- Mmm. Hallelujah.

[both humming "Amazing Grace"]

Observe, Turk, what's possible

if you stop running from Carla's needs
and start anticipating them.

- Mmm.
- Hey.

- How dare you?
- What now?

"Carla can't handle
being a nurse anymore"?

"Carla's a failure at everything"?

Yeah, man. How dare you!

Carla, I was just trying to help.
You're overreacting.

It's probably just the hormones.

Just the hormones?

Run!

Okay, I'm sor-- Wait--

You better give me back my patients,
'cause I was here on your first day,

and I can sure as hell
make this your last.

[J.D.] Merlin.

Tore your a*s up.

[laughs]

[exhales]

[J.D.] I know just how to fix this.

Carla, I'm really sorry. I'll give you
all your patients back. I didn't mean to--

[speaking Spanish]

[J.D.] Oh, no. She's Dominican mad.
I wonder what "testiculos" means.

Okay, Manny, how are we...
Oh, dude, come on!

You gotta be kidding me.
We talked about this.

Sorry. Every time I eat it,
I'm sitting at my grandma's table.

[chuckles] She used to
put it on everything.

[sighs] It's part of my life,
and I can't let go of it.

[J.D.] If only Carla wasn't mad at me
and could use her nurse voice.

Maybe I could give it a shot.

You know, Manny,
I get the connection to grandmas.

I remember having pollo and plantains
with my abuela and her testiculos.

Nope, that felt wrong.

I'll be back.

I need to say this fast
because I'm nervous.

I'm having so much fun with you,
but I don't think we're on the same page.

I mean, you know,
I haven't done a lot as an adult.

I haven't even tried sushi,

and you've probably had sushi
with a bunch of people.

While I have had a lot of "sushi,"

it was meaningful sushi
with just a few people.

Asher, I'm talking about actual sushi.

I mean, there's a lot of things
I haven't done. I just wanna keep it cazh.

[stammers] I'm glad you said it first.

Yeah, let's keep this fun
and meaningless and empty.

Totally. Well, except a little fun.
I'll see you later, then?

Yeah, or maybe you won't. I don't care.

[laughs] I'm so glad we talked.

- [crying]
- [clears throat]

Look, I know it's hard to say goodbye...

[sobbing]

Goodbye.

You know what? Go ahead, be mad.
I don't care anymore.

I am not good at that.
And I never will be.

You know what I am good at? Surgery.
And that is my job.

It's not crying. It's not hugs.

Why are you grinning?

Because when I hear you talk,
all I hear is stupid 25-year-old me.

All you're missing is the tracksuit
and the gold chains.

Yeah, I got 'em both.

Dashana, this is part of the job.

Come on, if you can't do this here,

how are you expecting to do this
for the people in your life?

Well, I don't have
emotionally needy people in my life.

[clattering]

Who put this here?

Why is everybody against me?

You will, young Turk.

You will.

Baby!

How's it going?

Your wife is dead.

Some aging, incompetent b*tch
has taken her place.

Don't you talk about my wife that way.

- It's true.
- Mm-mmm.

You know, this job was always hard.

But it was always fun.

Now...

it's just hard. I can't keep up.

Finally.

- Interesting choice of last words.
- I should finish.

You've always been smarter than me,
stronger than me.

When I was that c*ck-a*s intern,
you always had my back.

Now for the first time,
you actually need me.

And I get to be there for you.

I love you.

I know.

Okay, get off me. I'm hot.

You guys will always have each other,
and I'm super happy,

but I just want to remind you
that I might die alone.

You're not coming to the barbecue, J.D.

Damn it!

All right. I hope this is all
up to your standards.

It's much better. Now it looks nice
for when my family comes to see me.

- Great.
- I hope they come.

I haven't seen my family in... so long.

[J.D.] And there it was,
the slippery slope of kindness.

I hope they come too.

Maybe if I put on a concert.

But I'd obviously need backup dancers.

Of course.
I'll see what I can do, Ms. Carey.

Hey, Manny, Nurse Espinosa
has something she needs to tell you.

Oh, no, please. Hey, not my ranch.

Manny, your body can't handle the things
it used to when it was younger.

You have to let go.

You might suffer
some ranch-withdrawal syndrome...

I don't think that's a thing.

...but the people who love you
will help you through.

Okay.

[sobbing]

Come here. Come here. Oh, come here.

It's okay. You take this big jug of ranch,

and you use it at the barbecue
that I'm not invited to.

- Elliot...
- Mm-hmm?

I hope you're not mad at me
because of Wes.

I've just been so moody.

You know, the funny thing is that I kept
waiting to spiral, but then I didn't.

And then I spiraled about not spiraling,
but then I realized I just don't care.

Maybe that's the good part
about getting older.

I do not give two fricks
about what anyone thinks.

So you can say whatever you want
about Wes.

[laughing] Thank God.

'Cause he is a little dull and not funny.

I think he looks like the man
in the yellow hat from Curious George.

[laughing]

Have you ever thought about
hormone therapy?

Oh, sorry. Oh, you're alone.

Sorry, I thought you'd be
making out with your girlfriend.

Uh, she's not my girlfriend.

She wants to keep things "cazh."

Why do you Americans
abbreviate everything?

IDK, but I'm guessing
that's not what you want?

No, but I understand how she feels.

When I was 16, my dad got sick,
so I moved over here to care for him.

I know what it's like
to miss out on being young

or experiencing life
because of someone else.

I'm so sorry. I didn't know that happened.

[J.D.] Doctor face
at the obvious sexual tension.

And now he thinks we're banging. Great.

["Best of My Love" playing]

[J.D.] The most important part
of doctor face is knowing when to drop it,

like when you finally understand
that your attending

was just trying to teach you
a little compassion.

♪ Oh, oh, you've got the best of my love ♪

And I want to skydive,
and I want to dance on a table and...

[J.D.] Or when you realize
it's okay to open up

to someone who's a little more needy.

And I wanna go to the movies
and buy overpriced concessions

instead of sneaking in
my aunt's giant bag of pistachios.

All right.
Uh, crazy thing to put on your list.

What about, um, moving out of your aunt's?

Yes! And moving in with you.

Ooh, Amara...

Wait.

Wait, yeah, why the hell not?

- Wait, seriously?
- Yeah.

[J.D.] Whether it's a new friendship

or an old one,
we get by by leaning on each other.

You can cut my patient load.

It was just...

really hard for me to admit
that Bambi knew best.

I get it.

You know why I didn't invite you
to the barbecue?

Turk said it's because last time
I ate too much of the collard greens.

I can see through your doctor face.
I've always been able to. You're scared.

Like that first week when I named you
Bambi and placed all your IVs for you.

You're afraid of moving on,

but if I keep coddling you

and inviting you
to all the comfy, familiar barbecues,

you're never gonna find the life
that's waiting for you.

And by life that's waiting for you,
I mean an accomplished woman

that I can actually
have a conversation with, okay?

[J.D.] I'll always be Bambi
and Carla would always take care of me.

- First day, Bambi.
- Yeah.

Carla will take care of you.

[J.D.] Some things change.

Some things don't.

And why is this limited-edition figurine
in your stomach?

Because mint condition Astro Boy
is worth $15,000,

and I was not about to pay 6%
to Japanese customs.

So I swallowed that lil b*tch.

Give the team a moment to discuss.

Doctor face exit.

That guy's like a walking Happy Meal.

That is not gonna be in mint condition
once Astro Boy blasts his way to freedom.

[all laugh]

[J.D.] Doctor face check-in.

- Let's do this.
- Mmm.

Me and my crack team are going in.

Spread 'em.