01x03 - Quarantine

[bunniefuu]

[Cap]

Ah, thank you.

Yes, I will take that.

No, no, no, no! Come on!

[project manager]

Attention, Moonbase 8.

-[sighs]

-We've received your answers

on your psychological

evaluation reports.

We've left more than

four lines per answer,

and we're hoping you can

elaborate on your answers

-beyond simple yes or noes.

-[Rook] Told you guys,

we rushed through those answers.

We should

We should've spent more time.

We also wish to inform you

that your new base mate

will be arriving shortly.

All right, let's clean

this place up. We got company.

I would've saved my game.

They should give us notice.

Bullshit.

upbeat music

[Rook]

Morning, everybody.

Hey, Alisha.

-Morning.

-Smells good, Skip.

[Alisha]

Hey, Rook, uh, do you know

what the efficiency loss

percentage was from last month?

I didn't see it logged.

Oh, yeah. The, uh

Uh, I should know that.

It's 20 per

I think it was 20, thir

it was like 20 or 30.

-Skip, do you remember

what that was?

-8.2.

Eight it was

eight point 8.2.

-[Alisha] Well, thank you.

-[Skip] All right.

Beef. It's what's for breakfast.

[chuckles] Like the,

uh, old commercial, right?

[Skip chuckles]

I'm still working,

but thank you, Michael.

Um, it's Skip.

You can call me that,

or you can call me Skippy,

or, uh, Skipson, I don't mind.

Don't call him Skunk,

you'll get in trouble. Huh?

[chuckles]

Um,

I know you're new here.

We've got, um,

a little bit of a-a rule.

Might be silly to some,

but it's important to us.

We don't, uh, work

during meals.

Well, I'm just trying

to fill in some gaps

on these spreadsheets.

-[Skip] Yeah

-[Cap coughing]

[sneezing]

-Hey, Cap, you all right?

-[Cap] I'm fine.

[clears throat]

Good morning.

-Morning.

-[Rook] You're not feeling well?

[coughing]

It's probably just allergies.

I get I get

allergies sometimes.

-[coughing]

-You, uh, you don't look good.

[coughs, hawks]

I'm fine. I'm fine.

[clears throat]

Well, according to the medical

protocol of the base manual,

which, I'm sure

you guys read, right?

The manual?

-Yeah.

-We read it every day.

Yeah, I mesmerized it.

Uh, if you are sick,

we need to make sure

-that you're not contagious.

-you're not contagious.

[blowing nose]

If we get sick,

the mission fails.

This You know, the mission

fails if we get sick, Cap.

It's in the book.

[sneezes, coughs]

We'll need to quarantine you.

We need to quarantine you.

[coughing]

Oh, come on. That's overkill.

[blows nose]

You better listen to her, Cap.

[Skip]

You know, um,

I'm a doctor.

Here, I'm the

the team medic, as it were.

You know what?

That's really great.

Because you can do

the examination on Mr. Caputo

-to determine if he needs

to be quarantined or not.

-[Cap] Oh, come on.

-Ha, ha.

-[Cap sneezes]

[Skip] All right.

Cap, we got to go

-do an examination.

-It's just I told you,

it's allergies.

-Well, well, let's have

make sure that that's the case.

-Can we turn up the heat?

It's freezing in here.

-[Rook] Have fun, you two.

-[Cap exhales]

-Those guys, huh?

-[Alisha] Yeah.

Those guys are crazy.

[chuckles]

Anyway

[sighs]

[coughing]

This is a waste of time.

Well, technically, we're

supposed to do an examination,

so let me just do it.

-Put this in your mouth.

-[sneezes]

Now I got the hiccups.

-[beeps]

-Ooh, 104. That's not good.

It's perfectly normal.

[Skip]

That's not normal at all.

-There is a little bit

of inflammation--

-Why are you doing this, man?

Stop talking, Cap.

That's good.

No, you don't make it tight

like that; you make it tight

-with the thing.

-I'll do it. Stop.

-You're being impatient.

-[groans]

Hawaii, that must be nice, huh?

Yeah.

What's tourism like

these days in Hawaii?

I don't know. I've been here.

Mr. Caputo.

Ow. What are you doing?!

-There you go.

-[gags]

Don't put it on your tongue;

put it on your cheek.

[muffled]

Like this.

My cheek?

Ah, ah! That's too much.

That's too much.

Why do you need

that much blood?

Ow! Ah!

All right, Doc,

give it to me straight.

[clears throat]

What's the diagnosis?

So this is the designated

quarantine area.

Let's keep this

an outbreak of one.

All righty.

[sneezes]

[Rook] All right,

let me know

if you need

any magazines, buddy.

I'll be fine here.

[groans]

[Skip] You got to drink

plenty of fluids, all right?

Don't forget to hydrate.

Will do.

[sniffles]

Now, are you sure you don't want

to take any antibiotics

-or antihistamines to help

relieve the symptoms?

-Nah.

I just need to let my body

do its thing.

All right.

We'll be praying for you.

[chuckles] Not gonna be

that drastic, I hope.

[coughs]

atmospheric music

[Cap]

Hello? Anybody there?

Rook? Skip?

-[Cap sneezing]

-Hey, Cap. Is that you?

[coughing]

Ow.

Listen, do we have any lemons

anywhere on the base?

Uh

I think we got some

Country Time powdered stuff.

-Will that do it?

-Ah, no, no, no.

I need some lemons,

and I need 'em piping hot.

That's the thing.

That's what's [coughs]

Yeah. I-I Like I said,

I don't think

we have any, but, uh--

Do you know how much vitamin C

is locked in that rind?

And once you heat it up,

it just

-All right.

-blooms like a flower.

All right, man. I just

I got to get back to work, so

Yeah. Hey, how's your family

doing? [clears throat]

-Uh

-You got kids, right?

-Hello?

-Yeah, I'm still here,

but listen, I don't want

to hang up on you.

I just I got to go.

I got to get back to work.

-We'll talk to you later.

-Rook?

-[phone beeps]

-Rook?

What are you doing?

I'm washing my dishes.

Doesn't the chart wheel say

you're on laundry duty?

-[coughing]

-I'm just washing my dishes.

You don't want me

washing my own dishes?

No, I mean, I'd prefer you'd

just leave them in the sink

so that whoever is on dish duty

can get them.

I mean, why have a chore wheel

if we're gonna do everything

willy-nilly?

Well, if you want

to improve efficiency,

I suggest creating an algorithm

based on availability

instead of a rotating pie chart

used by kindergarten teachers.

That's not very nice.

[chuckles] You know,

everything was working just fine

until you got here.

And by the way,

I spent 15 years at JPL

designing efficiency algorithms,

all right?

For satellite exploration.

Satellites.

[Rook] Does anybody know if we

have any, uh, citrus fruit?

I know we don't,

but I-I got

to double-check.

Uh, we have vitamin C

supplements.

[sighs] No.

He doesn't want supplements.

He wants actual lemons, okay?

He needs the pulp or something.

[coughs]

-Ugh.

-[Alisha] Michael?

-Mm-hmm?

-It sounds like you've got

what Robert's got.

I don't think I do.

I think I'm okay.

[stifles cough]

You don't look too good, Skip.

Let me see. Come here.

-Don't Uh, don't--

-Ooh. Yeah, you're burning up.

Let me see your tongue.

Ugh. Yeah.

You don't look great.

[sniffles]

-Cap? Cap, are you there?

-[Cap coughing]

This is Caputo.

I read you. What do you need?

-[coughs]

-[Alisha] Yes, uh, Dr. Henai

has come down with

whatever it is you have,

and we're gonna have to

quarantine him as well.

Well, I can't have

another sick person in here.

I'm already sick.

Uh, Mr. Caputo, this is serious.

Yeah, I know it's serious,

believe me.

I'm in here suffering with it.

[clears throat]

But he cannot be in here.

I cannot have another

sick person in here with me.

Then he gives me his strain,

then I got a double strain,

and that's a superbug.

No.

[coughs]

There's no way you're gonna

k*ll a double strain with

-whatever medicine

we have on the base.

-[coughing]

Has anyone been able

to find me any lemons yet?

We will get you your lemons.

Go. Greenhouse.

[Cap]

I hope so, 'cause,

[clears throat]

the only way I see

-[sniffs, coughs]

-Well, I don't know why

Skip keeps coming back here.

[quietly]

You cannot be here.

Go back.

Here's another idea.

This is

what I can do,

is I will make a sweat lodge

about two klicks from here,

and then Skip can be in here.

-I-I'm sorry, a-a what?

-A sweat lodge.

It's what Native Americans used

to heal themselves--

Okay, Mr. Caputo, you know it's

a harsh environment out there.

-I wouldn't recommend that.

-[Skip coughs]

[Cap]

Well, you're talking to

My father was nearly

an Eagle Scout,

-so I think I can--

-This time, he says

I've got to stay here and he's

not gonna have me back again.

-Okay, could you back up?

-And if I

If I'm back in my bunk,

that's where I'm gonna stay.

-I don't need to be going

back and forth--

-Okay. Uh, yes.

-One-one second, yes, yes.

-'Cause I don't know

who to listen to--

Okay, Mr. Caputo,

it's-it's your call.

Copy that. Responsibility

[coughs, sneezes]

is mine.

[engine running]

[coughs, sniffles]

[coughing]

solemn music

[sneezes]

[groans softly]

[grunting]

[coughing]

[sniffling, babbling]

[coughing]

Huh?

Yes? What?

Hello?

[exhales]

[blows raspberry]

[whispers]

I'm just gonna

What's up?

Uh, nothing. Do you mind?

I was gonna

-get in the kitchen

for a minute, just--

-Oh, uh,

you know, actually,

can you take a look at this?

So, Rook, I see

you've been here

-for over 200 days.

-Yeah.

Would you say that the isolation

from your friends and family

has had an effect on your mood?

Hmm.

Yeah. I guess so.

Yeah, you could say that.

Miss my kids. Not my wife.

[chuckles]

Don't know why I said

[stammers]

I miss my family.

-[exhales]

-Well, uh, you know, isolation

is a big part of the mission.

-I want to keep track

of how you're feeling.

-Yeah.

I keep a diary.

So, no no worries there.

What was I even in here for?

Darn it.

You writing about me or?

Oh, no.

Just, uh, finishing up

my psychological impact study.

Oh, cool. That sounds neat.

[clears throat]

Hey, you know what?

I was gonna cook up

some beef-style stew

if you're hungry.

Uh, sure. I'll take some stew.

Really?

Should I do two separate packs

or combine the pack?

Do you mind if our stews

simmer together?

[exhales]

You know what?

Ah! Darn it! I forgot.

I was supposed to, uh,

clean up the solar panels.

Darn!

sh**t!

[groans]

[sniffles, coughs]

atmospheric music

[sneezes, coughs]

Yeah. There she is.

[sniffles] You gonna

keep me company tonight?

[coughs]

It's just you and me.

[sniffles]

Let's get this place heated up.

[coughing]

[engine running]

[groaning]

suspenseful music

Alisha?

[gasps]

Help!

[gasping]

Look at you.

You're pathetic.

[Skip]

That's not true.

We're very proud of you.

-Oh, shut up.

-Oh.

That's too negative.

No.

[scoffs]

You guys aren't real.

This is [exhales]

This is my fever.

You know, no one's

told you this,

but we're very

disappointed in you.

You really

let everybody down.

You suck. Sorry.

He's lying.

You're doing fantastic.

Man, look

at Alisha.

She's smarter than you.

That's what you should be.

You're just

dead weight.

No, I'm not.

-Don't listen to him.

-Yeah.

Don't listen to me.

What do I know, right?

Maybe Ms. Lazar should slap you

in the back of the head

like she did in second grade.

[chuckles]

Don't tell him that.

-[makes whipping sound]

-Could we just

hold on for a minute?

I just want to say,

you look great.

Let me tell you,

really,

man-to-man

you're an idiot.

-[sobbing]

-Oh, you're gonna cry?

Skip, come on.

-Why are you crying?

-Hey, you know what?

I think you look great

even when you're crying.

[chuckles]

[Cap coughing]

[Rook]

Hey, Cap?

[sneezes, coughs]

Cap, you there?

[Cap]

Yeah! Rook?

[Rook] Yeah,

I was just checking on you.

Seeing how you're doing.

[Cap]

Yeah, come on in.

[Cap grunts]

[exhales]

So, how you feeling?

-Any better?

-[coughing]

You know

[clears throat]

I'm getting there.

[clears throat]

You didn't bring hot lemons

with you, did you?

No, I'm still working

on that. Um

I almost got

this sickness I mean,

I just got to sweat a

little bit more. I can feel it.

Well, you sure got it

hot enough in here.

Yeah? I'll turn one down.

I'll turn it down for you.

I don't need to be that hot.

[grunts, groans]

Ah, yeah.

That-that should do it.

Oh. What's happening, buddy?

Well, uh, I just wanted to get

your two cents on something.

Um

You know, Alisha and I

are kind of alone

at the base right now.

Skip's in the greenhouse and

[scoffs]

There's some sparks flying, Cap.

Yeah?

Uh, I've never

been tempted

like this before in my life.

I'm not sure

what I'm supposed to do.

Well, you know,

lighting's very important.

And you want to just

make her feel safe

and put on some music,

nothing with lyrics.

-Just instrumental music.

-Oh.

-And then--

-No. I'm

I'm sorry to interrupt. Um

I'm not trying to get advice

on how to hook up.

I'm just trying

to figure out if I should.

You know?

Are you g*y?

No. Cap, I've got a wife

and kids. I'm--

-Oh. Yeah.

-[chuckles]

I just wonder

if Christ is

presenting me with

a new relationship path,

or is it the devil himself,

-tempting me

-[yawns] Uh-huh.

to commit

the ultimate sin?

Not necessarily

the ultimate sin, but one of

the Ten Commandments is:

"Do not," uh,

"trespass against thou"

What is it? "Do not trespass

against thou s-spouse."

Well, uh

I don't know what

to tell you, Rook. I

I got to get some rest here.

I'm getting real tired

just listening to you talk.

-Oh. Oh.

-No offense, just

You probably shouldn't have come

in here. It's a quarantine

-[coughing]

-Oh, right.

sh**t. Yeah.

-[sneezing, coughing]

-Okay, well, yeah,

you're-you're probably right.

I better head out.

Yeah.

All right. Get well.

And all the best, for all that.

I'm hot and cold

at the same time.

[coughs]

Can someone

please unlock this?

[Skip]

Skip.

No one can hear you.

Give him a break.

Well, what am I supposed to do?

You're an engineer from MIT.

MIT?

-Yes, MIT.

-Skip, come on.

You got brains.

Why aren't you using them?

I'm trying. I just got to

figure out a way to do it

within the bounds

of protocol here.

You are qualified

to really go to the Moon.

These guys are

weighing you down.

He does have a little bit

of a point. I'm sorry.

You're a real disappointment,

you know that?

[Rook]

Okay. All right.

[exhales]

eerie, discordant music

[grunts, panting]

[groans loudly]

Dear Lord,

what am I supposed to do here?

frantic music

[indistinct whispering]

[skittering]

Hello?

Who's there?

Rook?!

-[rustling]

-[gasping]

[screams]

Ah! Help! Help!

Help! Ah!

Dear God, I know

you've been quiet on this,

but I lust for her

so badly, and

and I know she does me, as well.

I can feel it.

[yelping, grunting]

Get it off me!

[shouting]

Should I just have relations

with Alisha

and deal with

the consequences later?

[shouting indistinctly]

At least tell me

if I should go in there

and tell her how I feel.

[yelling]

Yes, Lord. Thank you.

Thank you, Lord.

[breathing hard]

All right, Skip,

here's what you're gonna do.

You're gonna walk up to Alisha

and tell her your feelings.

Tell her that

you're in charge.

And if she doesn't hear you,

I want you to burn down

that base. Do you hear me?

Burn down that base.

That's how you show them

you're in charge.

Repeat it back to me.

-[gasps]

-Skip, what's wrong?

Can't talk?

Oh, I know.

It's your tonsils.

They have to come out.

[chuckles]

Burn down the base.

Burn it down!

[giggling wildly]

gentle music

Oh, what have you done

To my heart, Elaine?

[groans]

It just doesn't seem

[Jeane]

Well.

Look who's awake.

You got quite a scorpion sting

on your lip, there, guy.

-Huh?

-We were out stargazing

and saw your flare

and brought you in.

Mm.

[mumbling]

Those are Darren's clothes,

by the way, that you got on.

He gave you a bath.

[thickly]

Who's Darren?

[toilet flushes]

Oh, hello.

The astronaut's awake.

[Jeane]

This is our son, Darren.

This is my husband, Bob,

and I'm Jeane.

-Oh.

-[Jeane] We're Canadians.

-From outside Calgary.

-Yep.

Come down here every year

for just about two weeks.

-Mm.

-Beats three feet of snow, eh?

-[soft laughter]

-[grunts]

[Jeane] Darren's having

kind of a hard time lately.

-I--

-Divorce and

-job displacement.

-[Bob] Yeah, well,

Darren had him a metal band

back in the--

-[overlapping arguing]

-[babbling]

No, no, no, no

no, no, no, no.

-[Bob] Oh, no, no. Here, here.

-[Jeane] Keep your seat.

-Keep your seat. Keep your seat.

-[Bob] We got we got you

-fully medicated here.

-[Jeane] We'll take

We got you.

We're gonna take care of you

just the way we did

when we found you

out there in the desert

-all by yourself.

-Yes.

[thickly] My name is

Lieutenant Robert Caputo.

My serial number is

six, four, three, sev

[grunts]

[Jeane]

Oh.

[Bob]

Oh, he passed out.

-He passed--

-Let him sleep.

-[Bob] Let him sleep.

-[Jeane] Let him sleep.

[Bob] We'll take him back

in the morning.

[Jeane]

Perfect.

quick, optimistic music

[inhales]

[exhales forcefully]

[exhales]

Yes?

Alisha, how do you want

to proceed here?

Proceed with what?

There's obviously something

going on between us.

Let's not be naive here.

Look, I

I've come here to do a job.

And I would appreciate it if

you treated me like a teammate

and not a sexual object.

Totally. Totally.

I-I get it. It's just

You asked me to think

about how I'm feeling

and how isolation

is affecting my mood and

I told you that I was lonely.

But that was a lie.

Ever since you've been

at this base,

I have not felt

lonely at all.

I've I've felt warmth.

I've felt something

I haven't felt since I was 16.

[sighs]

Look, I know that feelings

can get complicated out here.

I know.

But I would really hate

to have to report you.

Right. I get it.

It's complicated, and

Listen, I'm-I'm a father.

I've got 12 kids.

I'm-I'm a married man.

But that can change.

That shouldn't change.

All right. Just

sleep on it, okay?

Okay. Yeah. Go

-Go Have a good night.

-Okay.

Well, good night.

Good night, Rook.

Can a guy at least get

a good-night kiss

before he goes to sleep?

[grunts]

[shouts]

Look here. I've been dealing

with this my entire life.

I know exactly who I am.

I'm smart, I'm beautiful,

and I don't give

a damn about you,

your p*nis

or anything you got to say

with your pasty, white, chalky,

Bible-thumping nitwit a*s.

-[moans]

-You don't look at me,

you don't talk to me,

you don't breathe

the same air as me.

-Are we clear?

-Yes.

Great. You have a good night.

[exhales]

quick, optimistic music

You know what? This is fine.

-[Bob] You sure?

-Yes. I'll take it from here.

-Thank you.

-[Bob] You betcha.

Good luck.

[panting]

[grunts]

[exhales]

[quietly] There's gonna be

some big changes around here.

Got a lot of changes.

Really big changes,

working very

Dr. Henai. Feeling better?

Much better. Okay. I've got

some new ideas on how things

-are gonna work around--

-You can save it, Dr. Henai.

I just got my orders.

I'm going up.

Can you let

the guys know

that this has been

a very educational--

-[clanging]

-Ow.

Um, sorry. I'm just getting

some breakfast.

-You're leaving?

-Anybody home?

Hey.

Told you. Just needed

a little fresh air.

Mr. Caputo,

you sound much better.

-I stand corrected.

-[Cap] Yep.

Fresh air, a little hot sweat.

Would've been a lot faster

with some lemons,

Rook.

Anyway, where you going?

To the Moon, Mr. Caputo.

Maybe I'll see you there

one day.

-Really?

-Mm.

After four days,

you've completed the program?

-On whose orders?

-NASA's.

Are you in the August 11 launch?

-I thought there was

no more room on that.

-[Bob] Hello!

-[Jeane] Hello?

-[Bob] Anyone here?

Anyone home?

-Oh, God.

-[Jeane] Oh, hi!

We were looking for Mr. Caputo.

-He forgot his Dimetapp.

-Hi. Of course. Yeah. Thank you.

Oh, I see.

[Jeane]

Wow, look at this. Darren!

-Darren, come here and see.

-Come here. Come on.

-Oh.

-Once in a lifetime. Come on.

Now, if you boys

need anything,

we're just up the road

for the next few weeks.

Well, I don't want

to break up the party,

so, uh, good luck.

See you up there.

Ah.

-Cool base.

-Yeah.

Is she gone?

"Blue Funk"

by The PR TV Band