01x01 - Dry

[bunniefuu]

Moonbase Central Command

to Cap. This is a comm check.

Do you read? Over.

This is Cap. I read you. Over.

It's gonna be a hot one out there.

Checking your vitals right now.

Try to pace yourself,

- okay, Cap? Over.

- Copy that.

- Just think about the ex-wife.

- Rook checking in.

Sorry to break up the parties, boys,

but I got a nice, hot bag of eggs

- waiting for you guys up here.

- Hold on.

Okay, I need to call in a yellow alert.

Got a duster coming hot out of the west.

You picking anything up on that?

Yeah, I'm tracking.

Approach with caution.

Hey, guys, no sweat

on that duster I spotted.

It was just a supply capsule.

Well, she's pulling up now. Over.

Travis, Cap needs help unloading.

What's your 20? Repeat, what is your 20?

Roger. This is Travis Kelce.

I'm in the middle

of my morning workout over

in the south quadrant. Over.

All right. Well, please

proceed to Lieutenant Caputo.

Got it.

Hey, Cap. You need my help?

Oh, no, I got it, champ.

Yeah? They said you needed some help.

Oh, no. No, I got this

on my own, buddy. Don't worry.

Attaboy. That's my Cap.

You get that thing in.

I'm hitting the showers.

Okay. Let me get the air lock portal

before you open that.

One second. One second.

Hello?

Guys?

Whoa! Hey, guys, check this out.

"To commemorate your 200th

consecutive day at Moonbase 8,

we have enclosed

a $100 Harley-Davidson store gift card."

- Oh, that's great.

- Yeah, great.

Well, I got the city

of Honolulu up my a*s.

- They booted my car.

- I think it's pretty cool.

They've got cool leather

gloves you could do or

Well, there's a café in there, too.

You could get something to eat.

- Uh, stuff for Travis.

- No, no, no, give me

Travis's mail. He does not like

anyone touching it.

Hey, look at this.

We got a mission pack.

Attention, Moonbase 8.

To further explore the possibilities

of organic growth on the Moon,

your mission is to plant

the enclosed

genetically modified apple seed

in your lunar biosphere,

monitor the growth

and report on the results.

Wh-What's

Why can't we ask questions?

What else is in there?

Any We got anything else?

No, just apple stuff, pretty much.

Caputo.

Do me a favor, man.

Take a whiff of that real fast.

Yeah.

Does that smell good,

or does it smell bad?

Huh.

- Smells like a towel.

- No, it doesn't. It smells bad.

- Oh.

- Next time

you wash them, make sure you use

that warm water cycle.

- All right, Cappy?

- Sorry about that.

- Sorry.

- All right, man.

- Here's your mail.

- Oh, nice.

What is this, junk mail?

- Come on!

- Ow! God bless it.

Ow.

You got me there with that Pro Bowl ring.

You all right?

- Am I bleeding?

- Yeah.

- Ow, yeah.

- Bad.

I got a piece of bone

moving around under there.

Ah, damn it. Where are the Band-A*DS?

In the bathroom here?

Yeah, should be some.

I'm a little worried about him.

Hey, are you guys having

any problems with the water?

I'm not getting any in the greenhouse.

Oh, it's probably a blockage

in the feeder line or something.

Hey, Rook, w-would you mind

checking it out?

I told Kels I'd finish this workout.

No, I don't mind.

Um, well, hold up.

Wait a minute. Actually,

let me talk to Kels first, run it by him,

make sure he's aware of it, and then

- and then you can go on.

- Cap, this is

your department.

You can do whatever you want.

- He's not your boss.

- I-I know, but you know how he gets.

So, you suit up. I'll talk to Kels.

Okay.

Hey, Travis?

Hey, uh, just want

to get you up to speed.

We have a little trouble

with the water tank,

so Rook went out to check it out.

Isn't water your department?

Yeah, but, uh

Then why the hell are you bothering me?

I'm trying to read.

Sorry, I just thought you'd want

Did you wash my rover?

Yeah. Yeah, I washed it once this morning

- and once this afternoon like you asked.

- Yeah.

Thanks.

- It's-it's our rover, but

- What?

Nothing. Nothing. It's n

I-I'll take another look at it,

make sure it's clean.

Yeah, I bet.

Okay. So, we've got a water crisis.

Our water tank is empty.

All right? So, today's the sixth.

Next water delivery's on the 29th.

It gives us three weeks

until we have more water.

Cap,

how did we burn through

a month's worth of water

in a week?

I don't know, Trav. I'm

I don't know. I'm stumped.

I'm Uh, I got nothing on that.

I It's a mystery, really.

- Oh, God.

- Okay, so,

this is a dilemma. We're up on the Moon.

We've got to deal with this.

Right? Got to find a solution.

So, I've done an accounting

for all the liquids

that we have up here that are drinkable.

Got 14 gallons of bottled water.

I've got some juice.

Uh, some of the water we use

for our toilets.

All right, so let's show NASA

that we know what we're doing.

What, uh what are some other ideas?

What about the vegetable oil?

There's some olive oil upstairs.

Canola.

You-you cannot drink vegetable oil.

It's liquid, so should be drinkable.

The solubility is zero.

So we can't use it. Yes, Cap.

Uh, you have to add vinegar

to oil for it to be drinkable.

That's salad dressing.

I know.

You drank salad dressing?

Yeah. I had ordered salad

and gotten a s dressing on the side

and then just didn't use it and then

Finished it off at the end.

You're welcome to it. In the meantime,

I've started up the, uh,

urine recycling machine.

- Oh, come on.

- I know.

I was really hoping we weren't gonna have

- to use this.

- Me, too.

But it seems to be working just fine.

If you'll just pass this around.

This is de-urinized,

so this is pure water.

Oh, God.

Is that the light that's yellow?

It is water. It has been de-peed.

This isn't some kind of fetish

thing or any This is just?

No.

All right, let's give it a shot.

- Let's just all try it.

- Now,

one thing we could do is

Oh!

That's not water.

That is very salty.

Well, we're not gonna do that.

Even at maximum conservation,

we've got about three days of water left.

That gives us about a week to live.

So, let's dig a well, then.

Dig a well? I

- Let's dig a well.

- Dig a well?

- Yeah, well water.

- In-in the desert?

- Yeah.

- Travis,

it is so dangerous

what you're suggesting.

We don't have the equipment for it.

I mean, I guess if you want,

we could start the review process

and get an environmental

impact report started.

Do you want to see what those look like?

- You think they're a page?

- You know what?

- What

- They're 300 pages minimum.

Cap, you in?

- Yeah, I'm with you, Kel.

- Yeah, he's with me.

You two can drink your pee water.

We're gonna go save this base.

Exactly. "F" you.

Good luck with that.

- Hey, Trav?

- Yeah.

Can I have a quick second about this?

- Yeah.

- Uh

Are you sure about this well idea?

Y-Yeah. Yeah.

I've-I've dug in the ground before.

- Okay.

- Yeah.

I just got a lot on the line here,

you know?

I screwed up, and this is on me.

I screwed up bad. I

I mean, I screwed up my whole life.

That's the truth. That's why I'm here.

That's why I need to get to the Moon.

You know? I mean, I go up to the Moon,

I'm not a deadbeat dad, you know?

I go up to the Moon, I'm a hero.

And then I go back to Honolulu.

They give me the key

to the city, you know?

- I get my business back.

- Yeah.

But So, you know, no pressure on you,

but I have a lot on the line.

- Well

- This has got to work.

- We got to find water.

- Easy, easy, easy.

Don't be so hard on yourself, all right?

- I'm sorry.

- Listen,

we're gonna dig this well,

save this base,

and we're gonna get up

to that Moon, all right, man?

- You promise?

- I promise.

- All right.

- All right? Come here.

Come here. Hey.

Until we get this well dug,

you're gonna give me some

of those water rations, right?

Oh, yeah.

- Yeah.

- Yeah, whatever you need.

You know I need that hydration

- for my skin, right?

- Yeah.

For my workouts?

No, you got great skin,

and you deserve it.

- Yeah. You're my guy, Cap.

- All right. Hut, hut, hut.

- We can do this.

- Hut, hut, hike. Right?

Yeah. I'm out.

Hey, Skip?

Can I talk to you about something here?

- Uh-huh.

- Not so sure

I can sign off on this.

The soil sample's showing mostly shale

- and a little bit of sand.

- Hmm.

Not exactly safe for digging a well.

Hey, guys. Have you seen the shovel?

- Ah.

- Cap, what are you doing?

Oh, Travis wants me

to get all the equipment ready

for the big well dig tomorrow.

This, uh

well, you think that's

You think that's a good idea?

Yeah. It's a great idea.

Kels is jazzed on it.

He's done it before, so it's gonna work.

Aren't you worried that Travis

is treating you a little bit like

- an assistant or something?

- No.

I'm not his assistant.

It's We're It's a partnership.

Listen, just because Kelce

tells you to do something,

doesn't mean you have to do it.

That's all we're saying.

He's not that qualified.

You're more qualified.

NASA just wants him for the PR.

- Right. Right.

- Cross-promotion with the NFL

- and stuff.

- Okay. Guys, listen,

we're a team, okay?

And we have to be supportive

of each other,

even if it's not our idea.

Okay? This is a great idea.

- Okay.

- Okay?

- Good luck.

- You'll see.

We're gonna have cool,

fresh water by tomorrow.

Okay.

We'll never get through to him.

What's that?

Hey, Cap, you ever seen any action?

You mean, like, with the

beach babes on Waikiki? Sure.

No, when you were piloting choppers.

Oh action?

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, those crosswinds can get

pretty squirrelly up there.

One time, I was taking

this four-star general up

to see a volcano on the Big Island.

Kind of a tour deal.

Wait, where was it that you served?

One sec, I'll tell you in one second.

Just losing my breath.

You tired, bro? Why don't you

take five. Let me get in there.

- You sure, Kels?

- Yeah, yeah.

You're not making much progress.

Let me go ahead and get at this.

All right, I'll spell you

when you need it.

Yeah.

Heck, you trying to save this base?

You're digging like a lazy little b*tch.

Well, you got a different shovel, so

You got to man up, you know?

Really get in there.

Okay, well, I am a man.

What the heck was that?

Oh, God. Oh, God! Kelce!

Kelce! We're gonna get you out!

We're gonna get you Oh, God, oh, God!

Oh, my God. sh*t. sh*t!

Okay, this is a soil compaction report,

which we're denying, so I need you

- to initial here.

- All right.

Here, and sign down here.

And then we're denying it.

Okay. And then,

the environmental impact report

was also denied,

so just need a signature here.

Okay, so I don't have to initial there.

And we're gonna backdate the stamp,

get that started.

Trav Travis fell

The ground, it went whoosh!

He fell down!

Are you serious?!

Oh! Hold on.

Check the vitals, Skip.

Get his vitals up.

Oh, my God.

Look at his blood pressure.

It's dropping fast.

I don't understand. We were digging,

- and he just, whoosh.

- Kelce.

- Kelce, Kelce, can you hear me?

- Kelce. Come in, Kels.

All right, we got to go. We got to go.

- What are you talking about?

- Got to dig him out!

No, we can't go down there.

It's too dangerous, Cap!

That's why I said we should put out a

an environmental impact report, darn it!

Plus, we don't have the equipment.

You know, you go in there, and you

wee, wee, wee, duh-duh.

You fall in, we try to get you,

have a little winch.

Gee, gee, gee, gee, gee.

He goes in after you,

I fall on top of him.

We're trying to flag people down.

It doesn't work.

Wait. Stop.

What do you got? You got something?

There is no pulse at all.

Yeah, we lost him.

He's dead! He's dead! Damn it!

Oh, my God. Oh.

Oh, God.

Lord Jesus Christ, please send

Kelce right to Heaven, and pray

for his family, his family

Kelce.

Because they're going

through such a hard time.

- We signed a waiver.

- This is so terr

It We're not at fault.

We're not at fault.

We-we advised against this.

It was a terrible idea.

He should never have tried it.

We got to call this in.

Let's-let's start putting

- all this in the report.

- I think this is the report.

What? Report?! Nah.

Stop. Have you thought this through?

You know what happens,

you put this on a report? Do you?

Okay, you put this on a report

that a man died at our base, we're done.

Close the book. It's over.

Everything you've done,

it's over. You understand?

I think we got to call it in.

Do we? That what we have to do?

Why did you want to go to the Moon?

I don't know. My pastor told me

it would be a good idea

to help spread the gospel

of Jesus Christ out into the universe.

Okay.

Faith.

Why did you want to go to the Moon?

Wanted to carry on

the legacy of my father,

Dr. Henai the First, the astronaut.

It's what a son does.

I mean, we're Henais.

That's what a son does.

What does a son do?

What does a Christian do?

They persevere, right?

You figure out a way.

Look, we've all made mistakes.

We've all had failed marriages.

We're all had helicopter tour businesses

go belly up overnight

because we didn't pay our taxes.

All right?

But we're not gonna let one mistake

end all that.

And you know why?

Because we are members

of the National Association

of Space Astronauts.

The what?

No, it's the, um

N It's the North American

Space Association.

- Right? Is it?

- No, no, no.

That's-that's that's not it. Uh

- It's the National Association

- It's not "National."

Nautical. Nautical,

'cause it started with boats.

Nautical Astronomy Society of

- Adventure.

- I don't think

it stands for anything.

I think it's just a word.

It's NASA.

NASA. Okay. NASA. We're NASA.

All right, well, Cap,

what are you suggesting we do?

We get our stories straight.

- All right, read that back.

- Okay. "Mission report.

In regards to our dearly revered"

- Dearly?

- Dearly? No, no, no.

Lose "dearly." It sounds like he died.

Okay. "In regards to Travis Kelce,

we suspect he left in a huff

after he remembered

he had some gambling debts.

You might want to check

the Vegas Strip?" Question mark.

Good.

"We hope he's okay. End of report."

Yeah. Hit "save."

- That's pretty good.

- Hit "save."

- Save.

- I don't know, Cap.

You think this is such a good idea?

I mean, it's-it's lying.

You got another idea?

Well, you know, until we submit

this report, we're innocent.

- Yeah.

- So, once we do that,

- it is officially a cover-up.

- Yeah.

There's no going back from that, Cap.

- But we can't change the story?

- Are you thinking?

- Are you thinking right now?

- I can't think straight

because I haven't had

a glass of water in two days.

I'm dying of thirst, literally, here.

- It's-it's affecting us.

- Here.

Have a squirt.

It's cleaning solution, Cap.

It's mostly water.

Can't live off cleaning solution.

We have to figure this out.

All right, guys, before we send this,

let's just hold off, let's

think about it for a while.

We're running out of time.

We need water.

Mm

Water. What is water?

What is water? H20.

Damn it!

Nothing.

My kidneys are just

starting to check out, I think.

My muscles are really seizing up.

Maybe we should just

call it in, you know?

- We're done.

- Just have to let NASA know

it's just not our fault.

We ran out of water.

They could send some water out here,

we can get things back online.

No.

We got one Hail Mary.

I didn't want to do it, but

Oh, Cap.

Celebration champagne?

It was supposed to be for a celebration

or a special occasion.

Guess what. It's a special

occasion. We're dying.

This is not for celebration.

It's not for getting drunk.

It's for hydration.

So, each of us gets a one-second sip.

- Okay.

- And I'm gonna count.

Two, three.

Okay, there should be

three sips in there.

- Okay.

- Careful.

To Kelce. Right?

One second.

One. One.

Not one and a half.

That's good. That's good.

- All right.

- That's good. It's gonna work.

- It's gonna work.

- Okay.

What, are you finishing it?

No.

I'm splitting it up so that

it-it's gonna be increments.

What? Micro sips?

That's enough.

He-he's had too much. He's had

more way more than

- All right. Come on.

- Hey.

- Hey, hey, hey, hey.

- Skip, come on!

Skip, what are you doing?

Ah.

Savor it, Cap. Savor it.

Ah. Ah. Wow. Feels nice

to have a wet mouth.

I just want to just

- a little more.

- No, no, no. What are you doing?

I'll-I'll skip my next ration.

It's all right.

Not too much.

- Not too much.

- Easy, easy.

Body will go into shock.

Oh, oh, it's good.

That's good.

Look at him. Look at him.

Uh-uh.

Remember when we thought we?

You remember when we thought

we were gonna die?

You remember when we were like,

"I'm dying of thirst. I'm gonna die"?

- I thought I was gonna die.

- Who cares?

Oh, we're fine. A couple

of sips, and we're fine.

Have a sip.

But if I do die,

well, I would hope

that you two would promise

to start

a scholarship in my name

to give $1,000 scholarships

to everyone who applies.

Anyone who applies?

Yeah.

Okay. And, Rook, what if you die?

Uh, just call Calvary Cross

United. They got everything.

- "Calavry" Cross?

- Calvary Cross, my church.

I, uh I owe them everything.

Yeah. I was You know,

I was a I was a Phishhead.

I was addicted to the music of Phish.

- Going around

- Phish, the band?

Yeah, I was tr-traveling

with those guys, and I was doing

merch for them, and

just got into all these different drugs.

You know, it's a drug culture.

I was doing every drug you can imagine.

I was doing marijuana, I was doing pot,

and I was doing grass, weed,

skunk, edibles, mints,

lozenges, brownies.

I ate so many pot brownies,

I gained 200 pounds in one year.

Henai, go. You're dead.

What's happening with you?

Well,

since my father, Dr. Henai,

worked for NASA,

he got a huge marble monument

for the entire family.

And I will be buried alongside him.

The plot is in

- red marble.

- Oh.

Are you checking out?

I'm not No, I'm just listening.

- Your eyes are closed.

- Yeah, sometimes

I close my eyes

so I can concentrate better.

Make eye contact with me.

I'll tell you guys.

You know what I would go for

right now is a nice, hot bath.

- Mm.

- You know what I mean?

You want, like, a champagne bath?

'Cause that's all we got left.

- Do that.

- We don't have enough

to do that, and it would be quite sticky.

You know what we do have. We don't

We have a Moon bath.

Ooh.

- Whoa.

- She is full

to bursting tonight, boy.

Let's suit up, suit up.

- For a Moon bath.

- Moon bath.

How far along do you

think they are with building

the real moonbase?

I think they're almost done.

They said they're gonna put it

right in the middle

of the Sea of Tranquility as a

as sort of honoring Scott Armstrong.

I just want to be there right now.

Huh.

Hmm.

Cap?

Rook?

- Huh?

- Rook?

This is crazy. We

I'm sorry, but we

we should call it in.

The whole Travis thing I feel so bad.

Yeah, I know.

It's kind of gotten out of hand, huh?

Yeah. Really out of hand.

What about Cap, though?

It's his dream to get up there.

- We're gonna throw it all away?

- Rook, we're gonna die anyway.

We're gonna die out here.

We don't have any liquids.

I'm so thirsty.

We have to call it in, okay, Rook?

All right. Hey, Cap?

- Cap?

- Huh?

We're gonna call it in, okay, man?

Okay, let's call it a night.

Just, I'm gonna rest

my eyes here for a second.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

Um, good night.

Oh.

So, guys, the engineers have determined

that there was minor structural damage

to the water tank,

which resulted in a leak.

Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.

But they're-they're

repairing it right now.

That's good.

- That's great.

- Thank you.

Well,

Mr. Kelce was clearly negligent.

He should have waited for

the environmental impact report

before beginning any digging.

Yep.

Doesn't look like

anyone here was at fault.

- Okay.

- Yeah.

- That's

- Except Kels.

- Well, yeah, he was, uh, at fault.

- Yeah.

Still a tough day around here.

Yeah, it's a sad day

for America and, uh

It's a it's a tough day for football.

That's right. Uh

I'm glad you said that,

'cause I don't think

that gets enough attention.

Gentlemen, this incident was

obviously very traumatic.

So, take some time and decide

if you guys would like

to carry on with the mission.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

- We're in.

Atmospheric music

Well, they filled the water tank.

Looks like the mission is back online.

- We miss you.

- Roger that, Skip.

Affirmative, Moonbase 8.

H2O is go.

Upbeat music