01x02 - Becoming a Haart

[bunniefuu]

[dramatic music playing]

- [Donat] What is going on?

- [model, crying] I'm in a f*cking cell

[Robert] Why did they arrest you?

'Cause I had freaking weed on me

- Oh, God

- [Julia] Oh, my God. Weed?

What the f*ck? That's ridiculous

I promise you right now,

I'm not upset at you

I promise I'm going to give you

a different opportunity

This is so crazy

I give you my word. You are amazing

- Thank you

- I really love you

If I wasn't in the middle of my own show,

I'd come down there,

but I'm literally sending you all my love

- I love you! Thank you!

- Don't cry! Oh my God. I feel so bad

Let's move this, okay?

- Can we get her someone there?

- Yes, I'm on it right now

[Julia] I wish that I could go down

and hug her and protect her,

and make that sure everything is okay

Unfortunately, I've got a fashion show

There are people counting on me,

and now I have to k*ll one of the looks

I have to be responsible,

and I have do the right thing

- [Adut] I have all my family members here

- [Julia] Really?

Making me proud. Let's do it! Okay, guys!

Fierce, you, strong, independent! [kisses]

Love you so much!

Here we go, I hear silence

Serenity now, serenity now

[Miriam] It's starting!

- [crowd cheering]

- It's like a forced behavior ♪

Yeah, yeah ♪

I'm the motivator ♪

Yeah, yeah ♪

- I'm the force of nature ♪

- Yeah, yeah ♪

It's like a forced behavior ♪

[singer vocalizing]

It's like ba*ls behavior ♪

- [Lais] I hope they scream for me

- [Robert] They will, honey, I'll scream

[Julia] They bett

I'm gonna scream for you

They better scream for you

- [upbeat music playing]

- [audience cheering]

Yes, queen!

[Bebe] Miss Julia Haart! Come out, b*tch!

[crowd cheering]

[Julia] This is probably

one of the happiest days of my life

It isn't just about the clothing,

it's everything it stands for

about individuality

Not being ashamed of who you are,

what you believe in, what you look like

[cheering]

[all] That was amazing! Bravo!

I love you guys so much

I just feel really grateful

I'm so, so happy

Can I go back so they can touch me up

'cause I cried?

[Robert] We need to fix the hair

- And my eyes

- [Robert] Fix the makeup

Okay, how are we looking?

That's good, right?

- [Robert] No, we need more

- I still look scary

[Robert] No more crying!

[Julia] Let's watch some TV

[grunts]

- Ah, ah, ah! Uh

- Perfect. [laughing]

I don't know what I did, though

I pressed like 17 things

I literally miss the days

when televisions just turned on,

and you could watch something

- [Silvio chuckles]

- It's not funny!

- [Silvio] You switched it off. [laughing]

- Seriously

Why couldn't we have had

a normal television?

- Don't know

- [sighs]

[Julia] Last night was so great

I just wish Bat and I

didn't get into that argument

about Batsheva wanting to wear pants

and Binyamin not letting her

It's normal. In a couple, there's somebody

who's a little bit forward

and somebody who is a little bit behind

I hate the fact that she still feels

like she needs to ask permission

I don't think she does

She tries to move as a couple

No, like you and I,

we're both very strong individuals

- We're both

- No. I'm very accommodating

- You know it

- Uh-huh, uh-huh

- [laughing]

- But my point is that you don't impose

your opinions on me,

and I don't impose my opinions on you

Your change came

when you left your community

When you decided,

"I completely change my life

and my approach to life."

I think this is part

of their common journey

of really leaving the closed community

they were coming from

[Julia] I've never been the person

who thinks that I know what my kids want,

but I do know what

every human being has a right to have,

and that is freedom, choices

And that's what I want for my children

I want them to leave

the fundamentalist kind of thinking,

and to be themselves

[Silvio] I mean, for her, it's a process

For him, it's a process as well

- Yeah

- Yeah

He is probably starting

to get ready to hear this,

he for sure was not ready before

Yeah. I mean,

Binyamin is such a good guy. I love him

- I think it will come

- I hope so. I hope so

Otherwise, I'm gonna have to figure out

a way to make it come

[both laughing]

[Miriam] Mom, your fashion show

last night was insane!

[Julia] Thank you, my love

So I've got e1972

Not to mention, I'm CEO

and co-owner of Elite World

You know, all the stuff I'm doing,

I have not taken a single day of vacation

But, you know, the more difficult

the task, the greater the reward

- The shapewear came today

- Yes! Are you serious?

- It's here. I know

- My God. That's so cool

People sometimes just feel more confident

if they know everything's

- [Miriam] Is where it should be

- Where it should be!

- Yeah

- My 49-year-old boobs won't stay in place

- [Miriam chuckles]

- Yours and mine both

[all laughing]

Don't you wear, in tennis

What do you wear for tennis?

- You have like

- Oh, those are nipple guards

- Yeah, lest I chafe

- What?

I don't understand!

How do your boobs chafe? Like, it bounces?

[laughing]

- First off, rude. Very rude

- [Miriam laughs] Sorry

- "Bounces"! Lord in Heaven

- [laughing]

No, no,

it's because of my athletic ability

All of the jostling of fabric

[laughing]

- Robert Brotherton

- [Robert] Okay

- Let me go grab Michele

- [Julia] Yes, please

and then we can start the fitting

- [Miriam] Okay

- [Julia] Good

Do you remember when I got this idea?

This was like

one of your first ideas, right?

It's been two years of R&D, literally

Wow, wow

My mom and I, we have a lot

of shared experiences

about leaving the community,

and always supporting each other

And so, lately I've been thinking a lot

about what my name represents

and what I represent

Um

Yeah, no, I was thinking of changing

my last name to Haart

Really?

Yeah. I think I want to make it

official now. That is my last name

Official, as in legal?

- [Miriam] Yes

- Like me?

I guess, like, Miriam Tova Hendler

Like, that whole identity

is not me anymore,

and it represents things

that make me uncomfortable

Haart represents everything I want to be,

you know?

Freedom, independence, acceptance

- And so Inclusive

- If I cry, I ruin my makeup

So don't make me cry, but wow

- Yeah

- That's so amazing!

Mm-hmm

I think the two of us were the ones

who felt the most imprisoned in our world

And, you know, to me, Hendler,

especially as a married name

to someone I didn't want to be married to,

it was really like a prison name

And so, Haart was my freedom name

It's a reminder of who we were

and what was done to us

before we took control of our lives

Wow. But you know Abba is going

to freak the f*ck out

I know! [chuckles]

- Are you nervous about it?

- Yeah

You got to make it so that he understands

it isn't about him

Say, "I'm still your daughter

I'll always be your daughter."

"I love you, I respect you,

but that name is synonymous

with a world where I wasn't allowed

to run, to dance, to sing,

to ride a bicycle, to play sports."

"I wasn't allowed to do anything."

- Yeah

- Hopefully, he'll understand

And if if not, at least

you've been honest with him,

but he's gonna freak out

- Yeah

- Just warning

[Julia] I'm a bit nervous

about her telling Yosef, honestly,

because, nothing negative towards him,

but I would think

how I would feel as a parent

if my child came to me, and said,

"Hey, I'm relinquishing your name."

That could be a very painful

and offensive kind of comment

So I think it's really important

that she tells him now

And of course, I think it's a good idea

for her to do it when I'm around,

so if it gets really gnarly,

I can kind of

come in and smooth things over

and explain as well

- You're the best

- We were born to be strong ♪

We were born to be strong ♪

[Robert] How are you?

It's good to see you

[both] Mwah, mwah

This looks amazing

We've got underpinnings if you want

- I'd love that, actually

- [Michele] Here, look

[Robert] Oh, this is perfect

- Maybe you can try these on underneath?

- Yeah, I appreciate that

Yeah. This is shapewear, right?

You're exposed

It's important we have

things like this on-hand for you

It means a lot to me

I'm not really used to that. [giggles]

- Oh really?

- Yeah

- Just been some experiences, I guess

- Oh really?

- In fittings?

- Mm-hmm

I'm just used to being

pushed outside my comfort zone

Whenever I set a boundary,

getting pushed a bit over it

You know, it sticks with you

I still carry it with me today

- Like, two days ago, I had a panic attack

- No

Yeah, and I still get nervous,

and, like, I still have a bit

of apprehension with work,

but I am really thankful to be able

to be in an environment like this

I'm so glad you shared with me. Thank you

It's so important for me

as Chief Operating Officer,

one of the leaders of this company,

to ensure that we're at the forefront

of making this industry safe

for the women

that we support, protect, and work for

A model who comes into a fitting

and feels uncomfortable,

that's something

we have to address immediately

We have to make sure she's taken care of

- We're ready

- [Julia] It's happening

- Is it insane?

- [Robert] All hanging, looking good

But I just want to tell you,

one of the girls, Bridget,

shared a story with me

about an experience

she had had in the industry

where she'd been harassed on set

- Do we know what happened to her?

- I don't know exactly what happened

- Okay

- but she just said it's lingering

- [Julia] Got to clean up this industry

- Yeah

Hi! [chuckling]

[Julia] Guys, you look amazing!

Can you believe this?

Have you ever seen shapewear

that looks like this before?

- Feels amazing

- [Julia] Does it suck everything in?

- Everywhere in the right spot

- Yes!

Ah, this is amazing

- If you notice, there's no seams

- [Bridget] Mm

So if you're wearing

something super tight underneath,

it doesn't make any difference

because you can't see a seam

- [Robert] This went well

- [Julia] Great

- Guys

- Can I approve the order?

Yes! Order approved

On to production. Is there places

for everyone to go change?

[Michele] Yeah, there's two places there,

two here

The fact that still today, after Me Too,

after everything that's gone on,

that women are still being used,

humiliated, and sexualized

So frustrating

- So nice to meet you

- Yeah, you too

You want to say hi

in my office for a minute?

- Yeah, I'd love to

- Come on in

To me, this is supposed to be

an industry to help women

Robert had mentioned that, you know,

you were a little nervous walking in

So I just wanted to know if it was okay?

Like, what happened?

- If you don't mind sharing

- I don't mind

Um, you know, as a model, it can be hard

to set boundaries

I've come on set and I've been like,

"I don't want to sh**t nudity,"

and then, next minute,

someone's just pushed and pushed

until I'm sh**ting completely nude

And so I said, "This isn't a nude sh**t."

He's like, "Don't worry,

- I won't publish any of the nudes."

- If you're not publishing it, then why

I was like, "I'm not comfortable with you

having me butt-naked in your computer."

- But, you know, it was a big sh**t!

- You were too scared to speak up

And he just kept pushing me

There was one shot, I remember

- f*cking b*stard!

- I know

I was outside and there was a bunch

of people in the street watching me

And I was like, "I'm not comfortable."

I'm butt-naked holding a coat up

Like, I'm not comfortable

Outside?

Outside. He was like, "Nah

Just keep going. It's fine, don't worry."

I started crying and walked off set

The only time I've done that

Good for you!

I've had agents be like,

"Don't name the name."

"You don't want clients

to think you'll talk sh*t."

I'm like, "I'm not talking sh*t!

I'm telling the truth!"

Not only did you

go through the traumatic experience,

you're being told to keep silent

Exactly!

This is probably not appropriate to say,

but I literally want to tear limbs

off of this man's body

[voice breaking] It means a lot

that the industry's changing

- Sorry

- No, it should never happen

I'm so sorry, and I I promise you,

I'm fighting this

Good

[Julia] Since the beginning

of coming into this industry,

I've been slowly,

very behind-the-scenes,

kind of getting rid of the dirty old men

that I have found

And I'm going to keep doing that,

because it's going to take a lot of time,

but I'm not going to rest

until every single user and ab*ser

is kicked out of this industry

[upbeat music playing]

[Batsheva] Shlomo's coming,

and we're making lunch

- This the salad you make on Shabbos?

- Yeah

[Ben] Love it

Finally, you eat salad!

I feel like so many things have changed

since we first got married

- You didn't eat salad

- I didn't eat fish

You didn't eat fish

We didn't do all the other things,

like wearing pants

- [chuckles] Way to stick that in there

- Um

[Ben] I was very uncomfortable

with the idea of Batsheva wearing pants,

but realizing how important it is for her,

and what it means to her,

I realize that what people say about us

or think about us doesn't matter

As long as I have you by my side,

we can do anything together

Love you

Ooh

We are making tuna steaks

and Ben's favorite salad

- [Shlomo] Do you want me to help?

- [Batsheva] You're good. You're our guest

So how's my posing look?

[suave music playing]

Good!

Did you upload photos

to your dating profile?

- Yes, I'm not a creep

- [Batsheva] You're not a catfish?

[Shlomo] No

I really feel like Shlomo should be

getting out there in the dating world

I know that's hard for me

to give him that advice,

being that, like, I've only gone out

with two guys in my entire life

and I married one,

so I don't have that much experience

But as an older sister,

if I give him the encouragement,

"Go on the dating apps,

update your profile, reach out to people,"

it can really encourage him

to take that next step

[Ben] What's this?

This is your main profile picture?

- Me, it

- [Batsheva] You look like a douchebag

- [Shlomo] Thank you

- [Ben] I agree

Why are you not looking at the camera?

If I'm scrolling

and, like, these are the pictures,

- I'd be, "This guy thinks he's the sh*t."

- [Ben] No

- [Batsheva] No, God!

- [Ben] No, Shlomo

- [Ben laughing] Oh my God!

- [Batsheva] Shlomo!

[Ben] I can see up your nose!

We watched a movie

that reminded us of Shlomo

- What movie?

- The 40-Year-Old Virgin?

[all laughing]

Sorry

We did watch The 40-Year-Old Virgin,

but, no, I don't think

that's gonna be you. [laughing]

Sorry, guys, Mir

Mir is calling me, hold on

Hey, Mir! I'm having lunch with Shlomo

Hey, Mir!

- And Ben

- Hey, Shlom

- What's up, Mir?

- What's up?

- [Ben] We're giving Shlomo

- Tough love?

A little tough love,

on his dating app profile pictures

- Yes! It's creepy otherwise

- [Batsheva] What else is going on?

Um, well, I'm actually going

to talk to Abba, so

About?

Um

Ugh, I wish I could tell you guys

in person, but

um, pretty much, I decided that I want

to legally change my last name to Haart

- Why?

- [Ben] Wait, what?

- Well

- So Yeah

[Batsheva] Why do you need

to talk to Abba about it?

I just want to tell him, you know?

You feel like that's like

ripping off a part of yourself?

Like, what's the what's the goal?

It's just not who I am anymore

It is a life that I escaped

and am no longer a part of,

and, like, all of my better memories

are with my Haart last name

I'll still love everybody else

who decides to keep that name,

but for me, myself, personally,

I just don't want to have it anymore

I think it's interesting that she decided

to really make it official

And I'm sure it came into her mind

that if she changes

her name legally to Haart,

she 100% is gonna gain

a lot of points in my mom's book

But it is stepping away

from her earlier childhood,

I understand

that's where she's coming from,

and I think

that would be hard for my dad to hear

Who's to tell you not to do

what you want to do?

Right. Agreed!

Well, I wish you the best of luck

- Good luck

- Thank you

Good luck, yeah

Let us know how it goes!

[all] Bye

[upbeat music playing]

Oh ♪

I believe in you ♪

Think about how far we've come,

they're all sitting in a room together

So I want them to feel that they have

to be friends with each other

And if anybody starts

to take a negative turn,

seriously, blow your nose,

fart, do something

Sure, fart. No problem

- Let's do it

- Yeah

- [Julia] Hello!

- [Robert] Hey, guys

[all greeting]

[man] Danger!

Thank you, thank you. I love a cape

Superwoman

[all laughing]

Thank you for coming

First of all, some of you

have traveled literally very far

Italy, France. I know

how much Nathalie likes to travel

- It was terrible!

- [all laughing]

So, we have all the heads

of all the different agencies,

but we also have the heads

of the new divisions we've created

in the last year. We need to know

each other on a personal level

I think everyone knows

my name is Robert Brotherton

I'm the Chief Operating Officer

of Elite World

You're from Wichita, Texas

[in Texas accent]

I'm from Wichita Falls, Texas, honey!

My name is Piero Piazzi

I am the president of Women, Milan

[Donat] He's an international supermodel

You know that?

[Piero] I was!

And which year was that? '68, or '69?

[all laughing]

At the time, Google doesn't exist!

I know you don't know anything

about me. I'm not googleable

Basically, before 2013, I don't exist

But now, it hit me that I never actually

had a moment to sit down with all of you

and give you the global picture

So, it used to be the casting agents

and the creative directors,

they didn't like your look,

thought you were too fat,

or too this or too that finished

If we can help our talent

create their own brands,

meaning not bikini shots,

but who they are,

what they're passionate about,

what makes them unique and individual,

so that the day they turn 35

and can no longer walk a runway,

they've got ten million followers,

a sunscreen line

Then it's the casting agents,

the creative directors

who are chasing after them

So it is a massive shift

in the power dynamic

We've always thought of ourselves

as just a modeling agency,

but the reality is today,

with the advent of social media,

we can take our talent's digital channels

and literally start looking at them

as NBCs, ABCs

Think about it,

we have over a billion viewers

Over a billion. Tell me one network

that has over a billion viewers

We've become

the largest media group in the world

We've got the power

And we're getting louder ♪

It's the final hour ♪

Oh ♪

- [Miriam] Hey, Mama!

- [Julia] Hey, beauty

- Good morning

- [Miriam] You know what came today?

- [Julia] What came?

- My birth certificate

- Really? Let me see

- Yeah

Miriam Tova Hendler Not for much longer

January 25th

You were my easiest birth actually

This was the last thing I needed

to legally change my name

- Yeah, so you need to tell him

- So now I can really do it

Usually, I send Anthony

to Monsey to pick up Aron,

but I wanted to go myself

Aron went away

to sleepaway camp this summer

I'm going to pick him up,

'cause finally it's over!

It's been six weeks,

and I want to see my son

And I'm looking forward to the day

when I never have to go back to Monsey

because he's gonna live with me full-time

You interested in coming with me,

by any chance?

Hmm

We'll pick up Aron and we bring him home

And you'll tell Abba!

[tense music playing]

I feel like maybe I should?

Better for him to find out

before you actually do it,

than you've changed your name

and he finds out from a different source

Because that would be offensive

I'm so grateful that my mom is

fully supporting me on telling my dad,

but I'm not super excited,

as I don't really like going there

It just brings up all these bad memories,

but I know that I need to tell my dad

that I'm changing my last name

- [Julia] What are you going to wear?

- I have this cute, classic Monsey outfit

[Julia] What does that mean, "classic"?

It just covers all the things

that need to be covered. You know?

Why are you still covering things?

I mean, you are such the kid

to, like, own everything

I know, but I don't

Like, if I'm already telling Abba

about me changing my name,

I think, like,

one thing's enough, you know?

Don't you think you should just

own who you are altogether?

- This is your opportunity to say, "Hey!"

- Trust me, you know I own who I am

Right! So own it in Monsey

Why own it everywhere else but Monsey?

If it makes people

more comfortable for a day,

it doesn't bother me

and then live my life

I just think it sends the wrong message

Like, I'm comfortable

maybe showing my collarbone

But just the "crazy" things,

like showing my shoulders,

I just don't want to be

too offensive to people

To me, I totally understand respecting

other people's faith and cultures,

that's great,

as long as their culture respects me back

- Right

- Jules?

Yes! Can you tell my daughter she doesn't

need to dress Monsey for Monsey?

- [Robert] Why are you going to Monsey?

- [Julia] Oh, yeah. We're going to Monsey

- Um

- No, we're going to the office

No, uh, yeah

So there's a slight change of plan

Miriam is going to be changing

her name to Miriam Haart, legally

- Exciting

- [Miriam] Mm-hmm

We've decided this is an excellent

opportunity for her to tell her Abba

- Okay, good

- Forgot to tell you. [laughing] I'm sorry

- Well, y'all have fun

- You wanna come with us?

- To Monsey?

- [Julia] Yeah, you've never been

- Please come!

- What do you think?

I think, yeah, why not?

- [Julia] You've never been

- I've never been

- Oh my goodness. Let's make a day of it!

- We can show him the neighborhood

[Julia] I can show you where I grew up,

Bais Yaakov, my house!

Oh, my gosh!

Robert has been asking

to see Monsey for a really long time

Mm, dying!

Because I've been talking to him

about it for the last five years,

and he has, like, a picture in his head,

but a show is

so much often better than tell

Oh my gosh, in my mind,

it's this mythical destination

Like, what's it going to be?

Who am I going to see?

How are they gonna be dressed?

What will they be doing?

- All the questions

- I've built it all up

Is what I'm wearing okay?

- Darling, there's nothing okay about you

- [Miriam chuckles]

You are just evil top to bottom

- As am I, as is she

- Amen

We're just a group of sinners

going into the Holy Land

- We're playing hooky!

- [Miriam squealing]

Welcome to me in high school!

[with flourish] We're going to Monsey

We're going to Monsey ♪

We're going to see all the black hats

Monsey! ♪

We're going to Monsey ♪

Hurrah, hurrah! We're going to Monsey ♪

[vocalizing]

So you'll come?

I guess, yeah

[laughing]

[lively Broadway-style music playing]

Hold on. Start button is where?

- [Robert laughing]

- [Miriam] Oh God

- [engine starts]

- [Julia] Got it!

Can you see?

- [tires screech]

- [Julia] sh*t!

[Robert] It's a big-a*s car

- [Julia] Okay, Robert

- [Miriam] Do you want me to drive?

I very much appreciate it,

the answer is still very much no

Get ready for all the eyeballs on us,

because we're wearing pants

- [Robert] Should we not be in color?

- [Julia] We'll be only people in color

What other important rules

should I observe?

I don't know how many g*y people

there are in Monsey

Oh, there's many gays

Well, there's closeted gays

because you're not allowed

Is there like an underground sexy scene?

I was learning about it

I was talking to Shevi about it, actually

Yeah, she was telling me

that there is a group of girls

- that got together every Shabbos

- [Robert gasps]

- Just fingered each other? Ah!

- Yeah!

[Julia] What?

[all laughing]

- No way

- [Robert] I'm dead!

[Miriam] She was telling me about it!

Are there rules about sex?

There's rules about which shoe

you're supposed to tie first,

just to give you an idea

[sighs] Yeah, I guess once we

get to Monsey, I'll put my jacket back on

Do you ever feel pressure

from your dad to do that?

I've felt it before, to be honest

Like, we've gone out to restaurants

and he would say, like, "Oh Miriam,

Hasidim there,

they might kick you out if you wear that."

Going into Monsey, I'm getting

all these memories of what it was like,

and I'm getting a little nervous

to have this conversation with my dad

I don't know if he'll be upset with me,

or if he'll support me,

and I'm just kind of scared

[Julia] This is the high school I went to

- [Miriam] I remember this school

- [Julia] And

It was also the place here,

to the right, where I got married

- Why did you choose this place?

- [Julia] I didn't choose anything

I had no rights, or decisions

I didn't choose

where I was getting married,

- who I was getting married to

- Okay

When, how, what, why, no choices

The only reason I drive back is because

I have one child who's still there

It scares the living daylights out of me

how much time he spends in that community

If I don't go there, I won't

have a relationship with my son,

to ensure that he is

a full-functioning member of this world

So, Robert, I'm gonna take you

to the supermarket that we always shop in

[Robert] Okay

[Julia] I'm going to get food

for Shabbos for home

Okay

- [horn honks]

- [Julia] sh*t!

[Robert] Need help?

- You got it

- [Miriam] Mama!

[Julia] Can we stop?

I cannot have two back-seat drivers

Sure, dear. We're gonna pick up the road

and move it around for you

[car beeping]

[Julia] All right! Watch out, Robert!

- Don't bang my car. Careful

- We're seven feet away from that van

[Julia] Just be careful

Um, I think I'm going to go, actually

I'm not feeling the stares today

- I'll see you soon? Love you! Mwah!

- Love you! Mwah!

- Mwah! Bye-bye

- Bye, Rob Bro

- Do you want me to push?

- Obviously

[Robert] Okay

What all do we need?

[Julia] Come this way

Let's do fruits and veggies first

- [Aunty] How are you?

- [Julia] Hi!

- [Aunty] I know your son, Shlomo

- [Julia] You do? How do you know my son?

[Aunty] Through Rafi Cohen

Julia is always turning heads, right?

Everyone around us is modest

as they possibly can, and here is Julia

in this emerald green, fabulous look,

nine-inch heels, t*tties out

[Julia] So I have something called Facon

So definitely we are standing out

in the crowd

[humorous music playing]

[Robert chuckling]

- You're getting some looks, Mama

- [Julia] Oh, well, that's life

So I'm gonna take

some of this, marrow bones

And then you need chulent meat,

which is nice and fatty

- Chicken

- [Robert] How many meats do we need?

[Julia] Sugar-free coleslaw

There's this lady who makes challahs,

called the Challah Fairy

[Robert] That was my nickname in college,

the Challah Fairy

We have enough carbohydrates

to fuel a submarine

- [Julia] You want poppers?

- [Robert] I always want poppers

- You don't know what those are. [laughing]

- [Robert] I don't

It's sex-related, that's all I'm saying

[Julia] Okay

Let's not talk about that in the store

[Robert] Mm-hmm

[Robert] Are you used to seeing people

dress like this fabulous young thing?

[cashier] No

You're making the difference

[Julia] I make the difference

- [Robert] Praise the lord!

- [Julia] Praise!

- [Julia] Shell shopping!

- [Miriam] No!

Oh, my God, Miriam, explain

- No, I can't

- Okay. Please explain what a shell is

- He doesn't know!

- No, I can't. It's like a Ugh!

Like a peanut shell?

No! [groans]

I'm choking!

- Lord in Heaven

- [Miriam] Literally!

Shells

- [Julia] Don't forget, as women

- That was my hell

we are not allowed

to uncover any part of our body

Your collarbone, your elbows

are all verboten

- [groans] I can't. Literally

- Verboten!

- [Julia] Very tight

- [Miriam] It's so tight!

- It sticks to your skin

- [Julia] Really painful

It's like wearing super tight leggings

on your neck

[Robert] Mm!

- It really hurts

- So it chokes you

So you don't have

any collarbone showing ever

It literally choked my body. I can't!

[groans]

I f*cking hate going back up there!

Yeah, I'm really not excited at all

I'm excited to see Aron though

I know. I really want the day to come

where I don't have to go

to Monsey to pick him up

and he just lives with us

- That will come

- It'll happen

I think it will happen

[Robert] Here we are!

[Julia] So this is it. This is where

I lived for many, many years

[knocking on door]

[Julia and Miriam] Hey!

[Julia kisses]

Hi, my name's Aron

I live in Monsey, I'm 14 years old

- How you doing?

- I'm good

[sighs]

tzitzis

This is me

[Julia] Aron is my baby

When I was pregnant with him,

I had a dream

In my dream, this elderly man came

and told me that I should name Aron "Aron"

because he's going to be a peacemaker

And if you look at our life today,

and how we still

all get along as a family,

it's really down to Aron

[Robert] So what's the plan? Aron,

are you coming back to the city with us?

- [Aron] I am

- Ruh-roh, party in the city!

It's my turn now!

- [Aron] It's your turn now

- [Julia] It's my turn! Mm

Georgie, treyf, treyf. Kosher!

[Julia and Miriam laughing]

- [Julia] Treyf means "not kosher."

- [Robert] I got it

[Julia] Come on, Robert,

we'll do a little tour

[Robert] Is this all religious stuff?

Yes, these are all what's called seforim

[Robert] Did you have a favorite?

[Julia] As women, we're not allowed

to learn the Talmud

- [Miriam] Or this, or this, or this

- [Julia] Or this, or this, or this

[Julia] So basically

Cut down on the reading list

- I like it!

- But we read these these guys

- These?

- These

- [Miriam] Should we give a tour upstairs?

- [Julia] Yeah

- [Robert] I wanna see your room

- I'm gonna hang out with Aron

- [Miriam] Sure, sounds good

- [Julia] See you guys

[Miriam] See ya

Let's go to the second floor

[Robert] Okay

Did you ever, like, sneak out the window?

[Miriam] I thought about it

This is where my parents' bedroom is

My dad's working in there right now

So, this is Shlomo's room,

and then this is the room

This has my things in it,

but now this is Aron's room,

that's why it has

all of his trash and toys

- But all this is my stuff

- [Robert] "Digital Media Academy."

I did every possible thing that I could do

as a girl in the community

- Should I show you some photos?

- [Robert] Yeah

Oh, this is your grandma, right?

[Miriam] Yeah, that is my grandma

She doesn't talk to me

Does Miriam Hendler come back

when you walk into this house?

Oh, for sure. Yeah, yeah

[emotional music playing]

[Miriam] I stayed in this house

for six months

when I wasn't religious,

and I was hiding that from my family

So it was really hard for me

to follow all the rules

and, in secret, not believe in anything

So being in this room just reminds me

of those memories,

and then it also reminds me

of the memories

of just hating certain aspects of my life

because I couldn't do things

[Robert] Is it important

for you to come back here

and still have this

be a part of your life?

It's important that I maintain

a good relationship with my dad

- That's it. The people, not the place

- [Robert] Yeah

- And your brother's here

- And my brother. Yeah

[Robert] Still talking to your dad?

I feel like since I don't have to do it,

I just really don't want to, honestly

I'm so not used to this side of you

that's unsure

- Where is it coming from?

- I know

I'm literally such a, "Yes, you can."

- I never say the word "no" or "can't."

- I know

But this is something

I'm honestly really struggling with

I don't know if I can do it

Inside, I kind of feel a lot of anxiety

I feel like I've dropped a lot on my dad,

in terms of me not being religious,

in terms of me being bisexual

There's so many things that I know,

even if he doesn't show it,

he's probably disappointed and upset

And so just telling him that I want

to change my name is just another layer

This is what you intended to do

Your heart was set on it

- Your heart was set on Haart!

- Right. [chuckles]

Like, when else

is it going to be the right time?

When else will it be easy?

You don't want to disappoint your dad,

but you have to think

about yourself, your future,

how you want to be as a person

as you enter this new part of your life

I don't know, I think now's the time

I just don't want to lose

my relationship with him,

and I feel like

he might get really offended by this

[Robert] Listen, I don't know your dad,

but if I know anything

about your family, I know there's love

So I think that if he's been able

to still love you

through your transition

into the woman you are today,

I think this is just another

stepping stone in that direction, right?

Think about it this way:

The woman who's talking

to your dad is Miriam Haart,

and how she deals with a situation

is different than Miriam Hendler

I think you can walk into that room,

say your piece in a loving, healthy way,

and walk out feeling good

[emotional music playing]

[grunts] I love this sugar-free coleslaw,

it's so good

So who's cooking Shabbos this week?

- [Aron] Probably Shlomo and Abba

- Shlomo became a very good cook

Is he dating? Do you know anything?

Does he talk to you about that?

- Shlomo?

- Yeah

He'll probably start dating,

like, after college

You think so? [chuckles]

But you've got girlfriends. [laughing]

- Yes, you do!

- I don't. I said, "Bye-bye."

You said "bye-bye." Really? Why?

I also stopped watching TV

- What? When?

- Camp

How serious are you about this?

Or you're fine?

Very serious

Very serious? How come?

What made you decide?

- Distraction. I don't need it

- A distraction from what?

middot in people

So can you have a girl friend,

who's not a girlfriend?

You shouldn't talk to girls,

you might fall attracted to her

And then you might touch her

So don't be around women

because you will sin

- You might sin

- Right

So you

so in your mind, that makes sense to you

Judaism is like an escalator

Either you stay in place

and you go down, or you climb up

I think I know which one's

the right choice for me

[tense music playing]

Because you're not talking

to girls anymore now?

Yeah

- That's really tragic

- "Tragic."

[Julia] It is tragic, babe

A few weeks ago,

you're watching television,

you didn't have any issue with it

What happened between then and now?

- Well, just Bitul Torah

- Bitul Torah means?

- Means time away from Torah

- But there are other purposes in life

I don't think so

You don't think so today,

but you thought it six months ago

Before he left for camp, he had

a girlfriend, he was watching TV,

he was living a very normal life,

and in six weeks,

they've just brainwashed him

right back to where we started

I didn't see it coming

I didn't see it coming!

The reality is

you're starting school in two weeks

What are you going to do?

You're going to a mixed school

How are you gonna not talk to girls

if you're going to a mixed school?

If I was able to get

in a different school,

but you don't want me

in a different school, so

sometimes you have

to deal with situations

It's too late

You're going to go there next year,

and you're gonna go there for four years

Because to me, an education

is the key to whatever life you choose

I'm pretty sure all Jewish schools

are all really good options,

so do I really need

the craziest one I could be in?

It's not crazy. Even Abba

was super excited with the school

Abba and I made that choice together

It's a good school

with a good secular education,

and it's still religious. So you're going

to learn how to balance both,

because both are important

and you have to get

[Aron] One's more important

than the other

No! I don't know

what happened in camp

I will not let fundamentalism

ruin your life

What's fundamentalism?

Fundamentalism is thinking

that girls are bad,

and that if you speak to them,

you're a sinner, if you watch television,

it's a waste of time because you should

be learning Torah all day long

You should be

That, right there, is why to me,

you're not going up

the escalator right now,

you are going down into the rabbit hole

of crazy fundamentalism

- Highly disagree with that

- Well, that's okay, you're 14. I'm 49

So my job as a parent is to make sure

you have all the options available to you

And if, after you have all the options,

you still want to choose that way of life,

then I will respect you

At 14 years of age, you may not think

you sound like a close-minded person

I sound like a Jewish person

No, my love, there's millions

of modern Orthodox Jews

who keep Shabbos and kosher,

who don't feel this way

That's unfortunate

You sound like a fundamentalist

I lived in that world

and it's a very small and sad world,

and a place where women

have one purpose in life,

and that is

to have babies and get married,

and that's one thing

that I am very worried about,

because it is not a world

I want my son to think

is the only world that exists

I see the world. I just don't want

to be part of that world

- [emotional music playing]

- That's what makes me so sad

[sniffles]

[sighs emotionally]

Thanks, baby

Sorry, it's just very upsetting to me

[deep breath]

I love you so much. I just want you

to have everything in life,

and you're cutting yourself off

from the world, and it kills me

I thought we were past this,

I really did

Now we're back where we started

[exhales heavily]

Girls are not bad, Aron,

and being with a girl and talking

Hashem

love you any less, I promise you

And getting an education

and meeting people

who don't live in this community,

I promise you,

will just make your life better

To you, maybe

Yes, my love, to me

I love you so much,

I just want you to have a good life

[sobbing]

I love you so much

[sniffling]

Sorry

- [Miriam] Okay. Love you

- [Robert] Let's do it. Love you

[Robert] Miriam is this strong,

kick-a*s girl in every scenario

I mean, I can understand

that she's having cold feet

Certainly this house,

certainly this place,

brings back deep-rooted insecurities

that it would for anyone

I just don't want her to miss

this opportunity to express herself

- [knocking on door]

- [Yosef] Come in

[Miriam] 'Sup, are you busy?

- [Yosef] What's going on?

- [Miriam] Can I talk to you for a second?

[contemplative music playing]