01x05 - To Be a Hero!

[bunniefuu]

What did you mean "spy"?

Hey, where did you learn it was okay

to open a door without knocking?

If I was doing something special,

it would've been really bad!

Or were you hoping for

something naughty, boob-girl?

Hey, Six.

It's hopeless. Give up.

I won't ask who you are.

It's the least I can do for how

you've protected this country.

But leave.

And never let me see you again.

"Episode 5: 'To Be a Hero'"

"Episode 5: 'To Be a Hero'"

Pretend you're fighting

the Demon Lord's best men!

Give it your all!

Here I come, Commander!

Next!

Yes, ma'am!

I know I'm greedier than most people.

But I didn't think I'd get

my old job back like this.

After that man left,

the strategist assumed it was because of

me and put me back in the Royal Guard,

along with Rose and Grimm.

I hate to say it,

but my personality sucks.

Commander!

Strange movements among

the Demon Lord's army?

Yes, Commander!

Our observers say they

may attack in the next few days.

I see.

Thank you, Rose.

And, um

You can call me the same thing

you've always called me.

Okay, got it, Snow!

Maybe I should've at least heard him out.

I'm first!

I want this room!

--Wahoo! This bed is huge!

--No fair! I'm taking the bathroom, then!

--Wahoo! This bed is huge!

You don't even need a bathroom!

Then give me this room

in exchange for the bathroom.

Now then, Six.

Let's finish our last mission.

Yeah.

We set up the teleporter

and connect it to Earth, right?

Yeah.

As soon as it's ready, we send in

our agents and invade this nation.

The Demon Lord's going to be

no match for the power of Kisaragi.

This mission was easy, huh?

Something bothering you?

I was made to provide support for you.

I can at least hear what's on your mind.

I'm a combat agent

for an evil organization!

I don't care about this

barbarian planet at all!

The beer here sucks!

I'm gonna head straight home and

drink a whole keg of cold beer!

I see.

Fine, then.

I'll get started on putting

the teleporter together.

It'll take a month for

the phase space to stabilize,

so go have fun somewhere.

A month?

I explained when we got here, right?

Oh, right. The Demon Lord's army

is up to something.

They're always up to something.

Well, hear me out.

This "Chosen One" has one

of the Elite Four pinned down,

but the Demon Lord's army is taking

advantage of his absence at home,

and the other leaders are

preparing for all-out attack.

So their army will come back?

In numbers never seen before.

That's what you get, b*tch!

That's what you get for kicking me out!

Well, I mean, maybe it's my fault

for being a spy just a little.

But she could've at least let me explain.

In most countries, spies get ex*cuted.

Letting you go was probably

her way of paying you back.

What?

I'm no hero. I'm not saving her.

Hey, Six.

I don't like the idea of somebody else

messing up the place

we're going to invade. Do you?

I'm gonna show you a magic trick, miss!

Look, my zipper's coming down

and I didn't touch it!

--See? See? See?

--Pervert!

--See? See? See?

Somebody, come quick!

You earned evil points!

A girl like her, out all alone at night

Makes you worry for

the future of this country.

That's the sixth one tonight.

Next is

Her!

Look at me!

Come on, miss, work up some courage

and look at the zipper on my pants!

He's going to r*pe me!

Don't worry. I won't hurt you.

But you'd better run quick,

'cause my zipper's coming down!

You can't fool me!

The minute I let your guard down

at your honeyed words,

you'll drag me off into the darkness

and have your wicked way with me!

Oh, no! I sprained my ankle when

I tripped and now I can't run!

You didn't trip, though!

No!

You're lying! There's no way

you could resist forcing yourself

on a beautiful, defenseless girl like me!

No, listen

Huh? Where're my evil points?

Hey, you're not really

upset at all, are you?

All I need you to do is look at me

and feel a little disgusted or something!

No! I don't want to just look!

Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

I'll look, then.

You want to see that badly?

Then, behold my

Keep it up.

What are you going to show me?

I'm sorry.

So? I knew you were

a failure as a human,

a fool and a pervert,

and beyond salvation.

But what is going on here?

Um, well I'm getting ready

for the Demon Lord's attack.

Do you think I'm an absolute fool?

No! I'm not lying! Really!

I need to do this!

--Shut up! You're making me look

like an idiot for being worried!

--Both of you, calm down!

--Shut up! You're making me look

like an idiot for being worried!

Um, why did you quit the military?

You didn't hear anything?

She wouldn't tell me when I asked

Snow's sexual harassment got worse by

the day, until I could no longer bear it.

That's what I want you

to tell the rest of the castle.

Don't spread stupid lies!

Forget it.

Talking with you makes me

feel stupid, too.

I'll let you go this time,

but there won't be a next time!

B-But

I heard the Demon Lord's army is coming.

If you want the help of

a super-strong guy like me,

then suck up and say,

"I'm sorry I was so stuck up!"

I don't need your help!

I told you to never let me see you again,

so what are you doing here, anyway, idiot?

You interrupted me, idiot! Idiot!

Stop it!

Or I'll bite you!

I'll take this, and this

Okay. Grilled lizard and rat.

That'll be six bronze.

Here.

S-Sorry. I thought you were going to

take it out from under your zipper.

There he is! Zipperman!

Hey, Zipperman!

Pull down your zipper and show us!

You stupid kids!

I'll yank down your pants

so you can be no-pants man!

Look, that's him!

He might pull down his zipper!

He's a pervert!

"Zipperman"

Alice!

The people in the town are really mean!

What's wrong, Zipperman?

Did your skin get stuck in the zipper?

Don't call me Zipperman!

And no! Damn it all!

I'm doing it to fight

the Demon Lord's army, too!

I told you to go get some Evil Points,

but I didn't think you'd be

doing something small time.

Zipperman.

Don't call me that!

Well, you worked hard, even if you suck.

We'll save 200 points for our trump card

and use the rest on mines.

I've predicted where the Demon Lord's army

is going to come through.

We'll plant mines and traps

there to delay them.

Guerrilla stuff, huh?

It's been a while.

I just can't see

one of the Elite Four being dumb enough

to fall for an obvious trap like this.

It's fine. We can take out

a single demon, at most

And I can imagine Heine

leaping for joy at the stone

It's wonderful, huh?

You're a terrible person.

We're done for!

What happened?

Um, excuse me.

Yes, what is it?

--Zipperman!

--Hey!

I'm sorry about

my pervert friend here, miss.

What happened?

Everyone's acting weird!

Well

The Chosen One has

gone missing.

"What's the chance

the teleportation succeeds?"

I got some information for you, Zipperman.

Listen, I want to forget that.

Would you stop?

The Chosen One had one

of the enemy's Elite Four,

Faustless of the Wind, almost defeated.

But the enemy used a spell called Random

Teleport and took the chosen one with him.

Random?

There's no telling where he went.

It could be in the sky

or below the ground.

Probability-wise,

he's almost certainly dead.

I feel bad for the Chosen One.

If my teleportation hadn't worked,

I would've been in the same boat.

Hey, the probability of success

for my teleportation was--

Forget that. Didn't the legend

or tradition or whatever

say the chosen one

would defeat the Demon Lord?

It's unscientific, but everything

so far has followed it, right?

Don't change the subject.

But yeah, it's impossible for the hero

to just leave the stage halfway through.

Hey, Six. You like games

and novels and stuff, right?

How does a Chosen One's story usually go?

There's usually some kind

of event where he loses.

He'll lose to a tough enemy, train

and get stronger, and get revenge

Is that this random teleport?

No, probably not.

He was already defeated once--

by those two bosses in Duster Tower.

Normally, the Chosen One

would train hard, get revenge,

and give hope to the people. But

Do you mean the Chosen One's legend went

off the rails 'cause I took the tower?

Hey, you're high-spec, right?

Is there something we can do?

If you're willing to do whatever it takes.

Let's hear it.

We can have them send biological or

chemical weapons that are normally banned.

No. Next?

I can go alone into

the Demon Lord's castle,

self-destruct, and take everything out.

Absolutely not!

Anything not as terrifying?

Nope.

The Chosen One was their only hope,

and he's gone.

Even if they somehow manage to

drive back the Demon Lord once,

it's only a matter of time.

Let's run away!

Hey, what's all this stuff you have?

It's all really valuable.

Be careful with it.

What about the teleporter?

I guess we have to leave it.

Who's there? We're busy!

Hello again, Agent Six.

I refuse!

I haven't said anything

I know what this is! You want me

to fight the Demon Lord,

or delay him,

or be your lover or something!

I don't really understand

that last one, but

Do you recognize this?

That's my parachute!

Hey, idiot!

I see.

This is called a parachute, huh?

I'll come out and say it.

You're a spy from

another country, aren't you?

I'm not sure I understand

what you're saying.

I see.

I guess we'll have to t*rture you!

I'm sorry. I lied!

I admit I'm a spy, so forgive me!

That was fast!

Um, you're not arresting us?

No.

But I do have a request.

This country will probably

be destroyed tomorrow.

Would you please watch the last moments

of its knights and soldiers?

And tell your home of the place

called the Kingdom of Grace,

and how its soldiers fought bravely?

Please, tell the other countries

of the danger,

so that they can prepare for

the Demon Lord's army.

Jeez

I couldn't say no, the way she asked.

Should we just run?

If we want to run, it's better to do it

when the Demon Lord's army is attacking!

It's the commander!

What are you doing?

I heard that you quit 'cause you couldn't

take Snow's sexual harassment.

Grimm, he made that up!

Tillis asked me to stay here

in the castle till tomorrow.

She said I can run when I need to, though.

I see!

If you're protecting her,

she's sure to be safe!

What are you protecting tomorrow?

Don't worry. Grimm and Rose

are part of the royal guard.

They'll be in front of

the main gate tomorrow,

handling the last line of defense.

Don't die tomorrow, guys.

If it gets dangerous, run!

Impossible!

We're proud royal guards!

We'd choose to die rather than run!

Right?

Hey, guys, what did that sound mean?

I'll do my best tomorrow!

Commander, if it gets dangerous,

take Tillis and go!

I'll do my best to stay awake tomorrow,

so leave it to me!

I'm going to survive and

marry a wonderful husband!

You're staying to the end with me, right?

Just so we're clear,

I'm letting you stay here because it

looks like Tillis asked you something!

Don't think I forgive you

for what you did!

Wow, you've sure got a stick up your butt!

I'll smack some sense into you!

You're going to k*ll me first, aren't you?

You're not going to stop them?

I finally understand!

The two of them are fighting

because they like each other!

Really, it's infuriating to watch.

You heard them, Six.

Lucky you, you're popular.

Shut up!

Why are we fighting when

the enemy's about to attack?!

Men, protect this gate.

Protect your home and family!

Protect your honor!

This is our hour!

Show the Demon Lord that the Chosen One

isn't all they have to fear!

Six

What will the enemy do?

It's true! I saw it!

The unicorn was lifting up

a girl's skirt with its horn!

Um, Six?

Unicorns are actually filthy old men!

That "only let virgins ride them" thing

is just a preference!

And Alice, too

Let's get to it, men!

The Chosen One's gone!

There's no one left to--

Let's go!

Make the humans fear our army!

Hey, Heine, you don't need my help to

take out that tiny kingdom of humans.

Don't take them lightly, Gadalkand.

I told you. One defeated me.

To be honest, I fear him

more than the Chosen One--

What happened?

My golem went down in a single hit!

No one stop! You'll just be a target!

What's going on?

Damn it! Everyone, on alert!

Crap! Him again?

This is the wavelength

given off by my magicite!

You're hiding nearby, right, Six?

What are you doing?

Do you want to switch sides

now that the Chosen One is gone?

My precious magicite!

This place's ecology doesn't

make sense to begin with.

There're all kinds of impossible

things like curses and magic

I can use simple magic myself.

Seriously? Let me see!

I'd like to see that, too.

Here I go!

I'm only strong enough to use it once,

so watch carefully.

--What I am about to show you

is the miracle of a great,

--You earned evil points!

--What I am about to show you

is the miracle of a great,

--I got evil points?

--What I am about to show you

is the miracle of a great,

--Why?

--What I am about to show you

is the miracle of a great,

--I put some porn mags in the houses

of the kids who called me Zipperman

--beautiful, and noble goddess,

worshiped by a hundred million people

--in a place where their parents

would find them. Is that?

--beautiful, and noble goddess,

worshiped by a hundred million people

on a distant, distant world.

You They're kids!

--It's better than pulling down

their pants, right?

--In the name of the Water Goddess

--Well, as long as you got

some points for it, I guess.

--Well, as long as you got

some points for it, I guess.

--Manifest, Aquans!

Did you see it?

That magic summons a water spirit

Sorry, I wasn't looking.

Me, either.

Sorry, do it again.

The Demon Lord's army is late, though.

Maybe they won't come today.

No, the minefield must be delaying them.

Let's go home for today, then.

Or maybe we should just run now?

You two

Aren't you worried about the others?

They'll be fine.

They're my men, after all!

They're finally here, huh?

All the new combat agents

want to do is fight each other.

New agents?

F-18 and F-19.

"Next time:

Episode 6:

'Combatants Will Be Dispatched!'"

They're weird. F-18 smells like a hero.

"Next time:

Episode 6:

'Combatants Will Be Dispatched!'"

And F-19 feels like a mutant.

Jeez I always tell you not to take in

things that aren't dogs or cats.