01x11 - Episode 11

[bunniefuu]

HE SNIFFS
f*ck.

Agh!

I don't understand
how you can burn gravy.

No, it's not burnt. It's fine.
It smells burny.

Maybe you're having a stroke.
DOORBELL RINGS

Well, don't just sit there,
go and help Grandad up.

All right. Jesus.

OK. Last chance to marry
me before everyone gets here.

Engage, not marry.
Last chance to engage me, then.

You're obviously gonna say yes,
stop dragging it out, it's boring.

Wha... Too late. They're here.

Go easy on your dad today.

Hey. Hello, Joshie.

All right, old man? Hey!

Where's Grandad? Joshie.

Hey. Hey!

You've let your hair
grow long. Yeah, yeah.

Well, have a seat, Grandad,

because we're about half an hour
away from eating. Don't mind me.

Noah, we've got a Linda McCartney
in the freezer for Sadie.

Right, yeah, er, Sadie won't be
joining us today, I'm afraid.

Oh. Right, well, it would
have been nice to know that

before we bought
the Linda McCartney.

Sorry, I meant to text but, er...

Is Sadie all right?

Yeah, nothing to worry about.

Why don't we get
your grandad a drink?

I'll get him one. Oh,
Georgia's getting him one.

Who's getting me one?

Oh, thank you.

Hey.

You want some coffee?

Oh, I'm gonna get hangry if
I don't eat something soon.

Oh, no-one wants to see you hangry.

Well, why don't you stay here,
and I'll go grab us some lunch?

Yeah, I'll be...I'll be right back.

And then, our day of doing
absolutely f*ck-all can begin,

I promise.

DOOR CLOSES AND OPENS

How's the mistress? Ooh, Georgia!

I just meant how did
that conversation go?

Did you nip it in the bud?

Look, really, let's not
talk about it here, yeah.

Oh, my God.
SHE LAUGHS

I mean, live your life, but
Nina's gonna lose her sh*t.

Then don't tell her,
and she can keep her sh*t.

Hey.

Hey, no, no, no. Hey,
Georgia, Georgia, Georgia.

Hey, Joshie, come on,
just one. It's for Insta.

Ah, this is from Josh,

so you probably
already know what it is.

Let's have a look. Ah.

Oh, Josh, mate, thank you.

It's an original pressing.

You said you and Grandma used
to dance to it all the time.

Yeah, we used to.
THEY CHUCKLE

My present's on its way, Dad.

Oh, it's on its way, is it?

Babe, how many bottles do
we have left? Not enough.

Is this too many?

It's only, like, 60, but any more
and I worry it'll look ridiculous.

What are you doing? I was
trying to get 80 candles,

cos your grandad's gonna be...
Esther, it looks stupid,

looks like a hedgehog.

I know you're
stressed about your family,

but you do not get to talk to me
like that. Hey.

Hey... Oh.

This is really good, Josh.

Perfectly cooked.

How's work, Josh?

Why have you always got to
ask it like that? Like what?

Like in that tone.
Like you already know the answer,

and it's gonna be the most
boring thing in the world.

I don't think he
meant anything by it.

I just wanted to know, sue me.

So, Esther, how's school?

Ooh, we got this new metal detector

and all the kids with
braces keep setting it...

I like my job, Dad.
Like, I don't come home to Esther

complaining about how much
I hate it. Well, not every night.

Can we not just have
one lunch where we...?

You were so good at music,
you could have focused on that.

Well, you were the one
with the band. Yes, I was.

I had a tape played by... TOGETHER:
John Peel two weeks in a row.

WHISPERS: Who's John Peel?
Don't know.

Then for years you taught kids how
to play Stand By Me on the guitar.

Yes, I did because I had to
take care of you and your sister.

Well, only until I was eight,

and then you f*cked off with
mum's mate, Tara. Uh-uh!

Where is Sadie, Dad?

Wild guess, she left, cos she caught
you shagging someone else, again?!

It's more complicated than that!
I bet it wasn't!

Everybody take a deep breath.

Well, if nothing else,
your dad's decisive, Josh.

Oh, come on, that is unfair,
don't you need to...

We're having a baby.

Um, not yet,

but we are properly
looking into donors and stuff.

Oh, my God. That is amazing.

THEY CHEER

I love babies!
THEY ALL LAUGH

I got you a ham and cheese sandwich,

but we can swap
if you don't fancy it.

I wanted to get you the tuna,
I know that's your fave,

but they didn't have it in.

Are you OK?

Fola, I know.

You've been f*cking Josh.

Oh, my God.

I...

f*ck.

Yeah. f*ck.

When did it start?

I just want to say that I'm fully
aware that I've messed things up,

and what a shitty human being
I am, so you don't need to...

You're not a shitty human being.
When did it start?

Um...

..in Finland.

He was there, we got
drunk in the hotel bar,

and I...I didn't even know
that he was living here.

Right. But you did it
again when you got back home?

You know, you and me
didn't have sex for basically

the entire year that
we've been married.

You and Josh had sex
when you got back home?

Yeah, but do you
know what that's like -

to be barely touched by
the person that you love?

OK, I'll stop.
I'll...I'll stop right now.

No.

I want you to keep doing it.

Sorry?

You want me to keep
having sex with Josh?

How did you find out?

Since I overheard you and him.

Yeah. I came home earlier
than I said, and, yeah...

I'm sorry that you
found out like that.

I liked it.

Hearing you and him.
I mean, I hated it.

But also it turned me on.

Wow.

OK, wow.

So last night when we had sex...

I'd seen you together in the street.

I always thought that my sex drive,
or whatever, was just low.

SHE EXHALES DEEPLY

I'm gonna...

..gonna...

I didn't have any breakfast.
I'm just...

What are you thinking?

So, do you watch me or something?

How does this work?

I don't know.

I'm freaking out a bit,
to be honest with you.

You know, I think I could
take you being angry

because I would've deserved that.

So, er, what do you
call yourselves?

What do you mean?

Are you, like a, what, a...voyeur?

I don't call myself anything.
It's still, it's still me.

Is it me that you
were into last night,

or the idea of me
with somebody else?

Of course, it's you, don't be crazy!

OK, yeah, let's not throw
the word crazy around

when you're cracking one off to
your wife shagging someone else.

That's not fair. I'm trying to be
honest, this isn't easy for me.

It's complicated!
This is not a Facebook status

from when you were 19, Zack!

I don't understand
what's going through your mind!

Neither do I!
Do you even love me?

Of course I love you.

Well, how can you say that?

How can you say you love me when
you want me to f*ck someone else?!