01x01 - Episode 1

[bunniefuu]

(men cheering)

I see trees of green ♪

Red roses too ♪

I see them bloom ♪

For me and you ♪

And I think to myself ♪

What a wonderful world ♪

I see skies of blue ♪

Clouds of white ♪

A bright blessed day ♪

And dark sacred night ♪

And I think to myself ♪

What a wonderful world ♪

The colors of the rainbow ♪

So pretty in the sky ♪

Are also on the faces ♪

Of people going by ♪

I see friends shaking hands ♪

Saying how do you do ♪

They're really

saying I love you ♪

I hear babies cry ♪

I watch them grow ♪

They'll learn much more ♪

Than I'll ever know ♪

And I think to myself ♪

What a wonderful world ♪

What a wonderful world ♪

(audience applauding)

- Great.

- Cry harder kid,

sh*t's gonna get worse.

- Why are you like this?

- Why aren't you like this?

What the f*ck is that,

grass and sh*t stew?

- Hey, give it back!

- Guys.

- Nah.

- We don't say guys anymore,

Jaime, it's triggering.

- Guys is a trigger word now?

- Alex, look, just

leave Pip alone.

- No, Jamie, didn't you hear?

Wellness has fixed everything

with trigger words.

- She said shush, Lane is here.

(audience cheering)

- Women of Hiro Valley, sisters,

survivors.

Eight years ago today, the

virus took all the world's men.

Our fathers, brothers,

friends, our lovers, our sons.

Our hearts are forever scarred,

but the time for

harking back is over.

- [Crowd] Yes.

- In eight years,

look what we built.

- [Crowd] Yes.

- Education, healthcare for all.

Menstruation leave, mandatory.

(audience applauding)

The virus may have

taken our men,

but it will not

take our potential.

- [Crowd] Yes.

Carpe Futurum

- Thanks to the

goddess, we have seed.

Are we not blessed?

- Yes!

- Well

- Does our past

trauma make us weak?

- No!

- [Alex] Gullible, yes.

- Shut up!

- Alex, come on.

We are going.

- One day through wellness,

we will overcome this

virus and truly create

a brave new world!

(crowd gasping)

- That's not mine, it's not.

- Be your best, be free.

(audience applauding)

- Oh, sh*t, no, no, no, no.

- Ow!

- Wow,

these are new, so uplifting.

The fonts are sh*t.

- as*ault of the mayor

is a blissable offense.

- Oh, I am so sorry, Cunstable.

- Don't call me that.

- What, Cunstable?

- Do you ever get sick of this?

You miserable little sh*t.

- I'm constantly sick of

this, you power drunk as*h*le.

- Seventh time lucky,

two, three, four, two

- Without further a do, the

winter re-population draw!

(audience applauding)

Three, two, zero, zero.

(audience clapping)

A seed could not

find a finer garden.

- [Crowd] Yes.

- Two, three, four, two.

(crowd clapping)

- Two, three, four, two.

(audience clapping)

- Hey

- What's up?

- I was thinking,

do you think maybe sometime

we can go away for a, weekend

- Sorry, but you have

the biggest blackhead

on the side of your nose.

- Why do you do that?

- Do what?

- Twist the moment.

(door pounding)

- [Security] What's going

on? Why is the door locked?

- Security purposes.

What do you want?

- [Security] Why is

it taking so long?

- I'll be done in a minute.

- Done giving me off or done

sh**ting me in the head?

How's that for

twisting the moment?

- Jesus.

- Unless you want to

know and say we did.

- You know I can't do that.

- So stop dangling

dirty weekends

like we're normal people

and get on with it.

What gets you wetter?

Me or that g*n?

- This is f*cked.

- That's what I've been

trying to tell you.

- Us. Us is f*cked.

- Release the semen slowly.

- I am doing it slowly.

- Five potato, four potato

- Three potato, two

potato, one potato.

- Don't pull it out so fast.

Slowly, slowly.

(cow moos)

Nice, see? Happy days.

Your first insemination.

Pat yourself on the back.

Oh, c'mon, you created life.

You're like a God

- Dess, goddess.

- Oh, here we go.

- Constance. Thank you so much.

Um I just want to talk about

- Hey guys. Ow.

- Oh, easy.

- I am easy.

- Constance is easy

with her tongue.

- No I'm not.

- No driving, no

heavy lifting

- No sharp objects,

supervision and secured

sleeping arrangements

recommended while

blissed, we know. Duration?

- Five days.

Repeat offense.

- Excellent choice.

The best.

In regards to the evidence

- We'll talk later, okay?

- Okay.

- Uh, thanks. We can

take it from here.

- Constance, I just

wanted to say that,

even though it was my name

on the cup, the smoothie

as*ault was all Alex.

I would never do that to

Lane and I would never

waste a flaxseed and spinach.

Be your best, be free!

- I love your nose.

- Yup yup yup.

- No wonder Jackson

wanted to f*ck you.

- Okay.

- Ooh, incest.

- She's my sister-in-law.

- Yeah. Incest.

- Okay. Can you just be useful

and give me a hand?

- You're a selfish

little turd burger,

aren't you?

Jeopardize Jamie's

chances at another baby.

You make us all look bad.

We'd be better off without you.

- Oh my god Pip.

- What? She can't

hear me or she can,

but you know,

lights on, no one home.

She won't remember,

she won't care anyway.

She hates me.

- Hate's a bit of a strong word.

- Alex is a strong turd burger.

- [Jamie] Goodnight.

- Goodnight.

- Sperm is precious.

Sperm is rare.

That's why we've established

the re-population lottery.

A robust just process

for selecting success and

delivering a healthy future.

To keep our population stable,

our quarterly allocation

from the nation's pre-virus

sperm banks is gifted

to our most viable

motherhood candidates.

Congratulations. You

just made the first step

in this wonderful journey.

Take a moment to acknowledge

your incredible good fortune

and radient power.

- Ow.

- Oh, sorry.

- First time?

- Fourth.

- Wow. You have four daughters?

- Oh no.

My number has come up

four times, but I just

I can't seem to get

past this next stage.

- There's another stage?

- Oh, your vulva. It's, I mean,

It's, it's, it's impressive.

- Thank you?

- Impressively healthy.

And I have seen my share.

So you've only had one

successful pregnancy?

- Yep.

- Just just one?

- Yeah.

- Nine years ago.

- Yeah.

- Okay.

So you understand and

agree that in participating

in the re-population lottery,

there is a 50% possibility

of miscarriage.

- Yeah, it's fine.

The boy babies die.

I know, I've been through worse.

Like everyone.

- Yeah. Well, it's not really

a baby at that stage, anyway.

It's more like a little pink

piece of Y chromosome snot.

How are you weekly orgasms?

- Um, not great.

It's been on the back

burner, actually.

- Okay. Well get busy.

Come on, bring it up to

tri-weekly if you can.

- Read this Alex.

This is me Alex, do what I say.

Go eat.

Okay.

No!

- [Doctor] Lane,

do you want quality

or do you want quantity?

- [Lane] I don't wanna

compromise on you.

An abundant future

is my top priority.

Is it yours?

- [Doctor] Yes, but if you do-

what the heck?

- [Lane] What is that?

- Ow. Hello.

Sorry, I was just

doing the snacks

for the committee meeting.

Sorry, you guys, girls, women,

just continue as

if I weren't here.

- I'll talk to you soon.

- Okay.

- Philippa. Come.

- Actually, everyone

calls me Pip,

but you can call me

Phillipa, if you want.

You'd be the only one,

but that's fine too.

If you want to be the only one.

- Philly.

Do you know what

I love about you?

I love that

I can trust you to do the right

thing and keep confidences.

If there's anything you

want to talk to me about,

my door is open.

Michelle.

(women chattering)

- You can leave now Pip.

(spacey music)

- Could we um, I'm sorry,

Could we, um

- Jamie, you know the house -

- I won't tell anyone,

okay? I promise.

- I can't.

- Please.

Please.

- Hey Jamie.

- Hey Jackson.

- Hey.

- Is for horses.

- Tell me about your day.

- It was good.

- Tell me what you did.

- I milked the cows.

- Then what?

- I let them out.

- Yeah? Tell me more.

- Well, rain's been

scarce recently,

so I had to mix in some silage.

- Not the silage.

- Half silage half hay.

- Ask me about my day.

- How was your day?

- I'm gonna have another baby.

It's true.

We're gonna be a family again.

- Hello. Hello.

- Yes, hello.

- Where's Alex?

- I don't know.

I thought she was with you.

- No why would she

be with me I was

at the doctors.

- Well, I had a pressing

committee meeting.

I was in charge of catering.

- Okay. Alex! Al?

sh*t.

- That's my good towel.

- Alex?

- Alex?

- This place, this

whole shitty place.

Look Ma, they blissed me again,

but I found a new way

to mess with them.

What do you care?

They permed you.

- She's not here.

I think we need to

get in the truck

and look for her.

- She would not look

this hard for us.

- What the f*ck, Pip?

- What? People die in fridges

and freezers all the time.

- Have you thought about

what happens to you

if she does turn up dead?

They're not going to

promote someone who's left

her blissed to die.

Pip wait up!

Be careful, be

careful, be careful!

Ah help!

- What was that?

- Was that Alex?

Tell me that wasn't Alex.

- That wasn't Alex.

- Did you just k*ll Alex?

- No! It was a goat!

- It didn't sound like a goat!

We don't even have any goats.

- Alex?

Oh no, no, no, no, no.

- Don't be dead.

Please don't die.

Okay. Okay, okay, okay.

We need to get our

story straight.

We were both in the house

and I was making a delicious

and nutritious Callan,

pomegranate salad for dinner.

When we heard a screech

and a thump and, and I said,

Oh my goddess, what was that?

- The f*ck is wrong with you?

- Quinoa and pomegranate?

- Vom, quinoa tastes

like grassy pubes.

Holy sh*t, who that?

- You, you, you, I thought--

- What did you guys do?

- Iwe don't say guys anymore.

- It looks dead.

- Flip her over.

- You flip her over.

- f*cking pussies,

hey lady,

wakey wakey.

- It can't be. There aren't any.

- [Alex] It is.

- No, no, no, no, no, no.

It's one of those

fake stick on beards.

- [Alex] No stick on.

- They used glue.

- It's not glue dude.

- I'll be the judge of that.

They don't use dude anymore.

- Go ahead.

- I will.

- Be my guest.

- I would never be your guest

because you would

be a terrible host.

(all screaming)