01x22 - Snake and Ladder

[bunniefuu]

Previously: I wanted to congratulate
you on your show. Let's talk.

I guess you really do
have a magical future.

Looks like we managed
to escape somehow.

Let's get back home.

Your duty is a
heavy one, my dear.

But never think the
burden is yours alone.

You have friends.
And now? You have me.

This Aapep must be defeated.

The last known sighting
of Aapep was here.

When we saw Nigella
in the dig tent,

she was still packing, so
he's definitely on the way.

There's loads of Egyptian stuff
being stolen from museums,

could that be him? But why
would he need artefacts?

I mean, he's a god,
he can do anything.

He's a giant snake, he
can't be too hard to find.

He could be anywhere by now.
There, there, there, there, there.

I'm sorry. I'm just a bit on edge
waiting for him to destroy the sun.

Why hasn't he done it already?

I don't know, it
doesn't make any sense.

I mean, he's a god with only one
thing on his mind - to destroy Ra.

Maybe he's mellowed. 4,000
years trapped under a pyramid

could do that to
you. No, he's angry.

And he won't stop until
he's wiped out the sun

and us included. That's why we have
to find him before it's too late.

But how? He can turn into smoke.

He could be in this room and
we wouldn't even know it.

KLAXON WAILS

Clive!

Don't worry. Everything
is under control.

What's going on? Is everyone OK?

A little hiccup with
the new alarm system

that her Ladyship insisted on.

Given the recent spate of thefts,
one can hardly be too careful.

Well, anyway, it's all sorted now,
thanks to my technical prowess.

ELECTRICITY FIZZLES

Now, then, I wonder if I
might have a quiet word

with you all before Alistair
and Henrietta return.

We'll get the others.

There are two things I
despise in the world -

weak tea and lies.

That being said,
we must remember

to keep the truth about what
happened from your parents.

Yes, we agree. It's...

It's not safe.

There are too many
unanswered questions.

Why were my dear Harold's
magical abilities passed on

to you, Theodosia,
and not Alistair?

Where did they even come from?

We know, grandmother.
It's just...

Do not try to talk
me out of this.

We weren't. I mean, the...

The best way to keep them safe from
Aapep and the Serpents is to keep...

ALL: Keep all of this
a secret. We know.

Good. I'm glad I've talked
some sense into you all.

I'd better go too. Lots to do. Last
day at my penny arcade tomorrow.

We... wanted to apologise for
jumping on Neville Devenham.

And for the whole, you know,

calling him a Serpent thing,
which was totally Theo's fault.

Don't worry about
it. It'll be fine.

Will... Are you... Are
you sure about this?

Hey. It's OK. The
laundry isn't forever.

I mean, the world's
ending anyway, right?

The world is not going
to end. Not on my watch.

We will defeat Aapep,
whatever it takes.

Miss K.

I love Paris at this
time of year, don't you?

The thefts are getting harder.

Police are on the lookout,
museums are installing alarms...

Bells and men can't stop Aapep.

But there are only so many
magic items out there.

And we still haven't found "it".

The Great One was
most insistent.

I'm looking.

Look faster.

Mighty Aapep does
not tolerate delay.

ALARM WAILS

UNDER BREATH: I've got
you now, you scoundrels.

Clive. What's going on?

ALARM CONTINUES WAILING

Turn that thing off!

ALARM STOPS

Oh, look!

You're gone home. Marvellous.

At last! Alistair.

And Henrietta, yes.

Hmm, children. Look who's back.

- You're back.
- ALISTAIR LAUGHS

Mum. Dad.

We missed you so much.

Come here, you two.
I missed you too.

Mum?

Sorry. I, I just...

Yes, we... we ran into a bit
of trouble on one of our digs.

We got trapped in a chamber.

Your mum still hasn't
fully recovered.

That's why we decided
to come home, actually.

Oh, yeah. We already knew...

That you'd be tired

and that's exactly why Henry would
like to take your bags for you.

Oh, well, thank you, Henry.
Isn't that thoughtful?

Oh. Hang on. Hang on, hang on.

I've got something
for you, Safiya.

That, a letter from
your parents. Thank you.

Well, we'll give you some
privacy. Come on, everyone.

OK, dear?

And you're welcome.

Guess what? My parents
are coming to London

on their latest diplomatic tour.

Oh, I can't wait to see
them. It's been so long.

That's great. Did they say anything
more about school in Switzerland?

Oh, I'll talk them
around. You'll see.

I mean, I'm not leaving
when you obviously need me.

W-well... You guys can't
fight Aapep on your own.

You're my friends and
I'm not going anywhere.

Right. Friends.

So, how was Egypt?

Gross, Henry. Swallow first.

But, yes, how was Egypt?

I'm so sorry I didn't get a
chance to say goodbye, but...

Yeah. Did you find
anything cool?

We missed you so
much. I can tell.

Hmm! Yes, Mum, did you...

Mum?

Mum, is everything all right?
You haven't eaten anything.

Your faces.

Honestly, I'm fine. What
have you been up to?

I want to hear everything.

How was Nigella? Yes,
actually, where is Nigella?

AT SAME TIME: She's staying with a friend. She had
a dental emergency. She was unavoidably detained.

She's unavoidably detained at a
friend's with a dental emergency?

That's right. Oh, but...

But then she was
called back to Japan.

The princes simply
couldn't do without her.

Apparently.

Henrietta, dear, are
you quite all right?

You do look very pale.

I guess I'm more
tired than I thought.

If you'll all excuse me.

No, Alistair, don't
get up. I'm fine.

I'll be better in the morning.

Tired, I expect.

HENRY: Found a way to stop
the end of the world yet?

What is all this?

Listen to this,

"Oxygen deprivation can lead to
permanent and lasting effects

"if not treated promptly."

Right. Excellent.
I don't get it.

What if getting trapped has
permanently damaged Mum's health?

What if Will and I were
too slow to get there?

Mum said it herself.

She's just tired from
all the travel and...

Oh! What is that? An eyeball?

Look, stop reading these
creepy books and go to bed.

Before or after I figure out how
to save the world, O demanding one?

Well, after. Obviously.

Goodnight, Henry.

LIGHT TAPPING

TAPPING AND WHOOSHING

HE WHISTLES

Ha!

Oh.

Clive. Thank
goodness you're here.

I heard a noise down here. I
thought someone had broken in.

With this alarm? Not a chance.

That's a relief. Goodnight.

MEOWING

SHE HISSES CAT MEOWS

YELPING

Ra.

What are you doing?

RA WHIMPERS

Go to sleep, you silly cat.

WHOOSHING

SHE EXHALES LOUDLY

PURRING

You're still here, Ra.
Well, is something up?

Hey, watch where you're...
You're all right?

Something's different
this morning.

Bad different. I told you
to stop reading those books.

WHISPERS: That's the
invisibility rope.

NORMAL VOICE: Clive. Don't.

What's got into you?

The magic. Half of it's missing.

What's she on about?

These cases.

Somebody has been through
these. Look, things have moved.

Oh, I see what's happening here.

All this talk of thieves has
got into your little head.

I, but... But I...

The alarm would have gone off.

And nothing's been stolen, see?

All in your head. Now, put
this back where it belongs.

He's wrong, Henry. Things have
been stolen. Look, the magic.

Some ex-invisibility rope. Ugh!

It's got to be Aapep
and the Serpents.

We've got to get to
the bottom of this.

Yes, Henry, like I told you,

there's no more magic in
it because I can see you.

I've put all the tools for repairs
in this box, OK? Alphabetised the...

HE SIGHS I'll miss you, Will.

You... You're so
good at doing stuff.

I hate doing stuff.

I've made up my mind, Artie.

Then there's only one thing
left to say before you go.

Will...

..would you have a
look at the Oracle?

I think there's a jam.

Good morning, my darlings.

Slept well, I take it?

Oh, yes.

So good to be in this
hustling bustling city

after all that time cooped up.

The cabins were a little small.

Told you Mum would be all right.

I feel almost back
to my old self again.

And I've got the most ravenous
appetite this morning.

Mind if I do? Oh!

Well, things are certainly
back to normal around here!

Oh, thank you!

Now, then, energy flows from
this side of the battery,

through the bulb, lighting it
up, and back into the other side.

Over here we have the
exact same circuit,

but why won't this bulb turn on?

Anyone?

HE CLEARS THROAT

You see, batteries,
like Safiya over here,

have a finite amount of energy.

But while Safiya can recharge
her energy with a little nap,

batteries need their energy
charged from an outside source.

Oh, what kind of outside source?

Ah, I'm glad you asked.

An outside source, like
this first battery.

OK, well, shouldn't
this bulb be lit?

Patience, patience. It
takes time to recharge.

Plus, the energy transfer
isn't entirely efficient,

so to fully recharge,

we'll need a few
extra power sources.

Ah! Now that wasn't me.

I'd better go and
check on Clive. Just...

Fascinating.

He's gone, Theo. You don't
have to keep pretending.

No, no, no, no. Hear me out.

OK, Aapep's been locked
away for what, 4,000 years?

Well, he's wasting away.

The only reason he hasn't
destroyed the sun yet

is because he's too weak.

But isn't that a good thing?

Oh, yes.

OK, listen, what if Aapep was
like this drained battery?

What if he's using the
magical objects in this museum

to recharge himself?

Like the invisibility
rope this morning,

the magic was completely
sucked out with it.

And these museum thefts
everyone keeps worrying about?

What if they all just happened
to be magical objects?

You think the Serpents broke
into the museum last night?

No, worse.

None of our objects were stolen.

It was only the magic.

That takes up so
much magical skill.

It would take Aapep.

So there was a giant snake
in the museum last night?

But how did Clive's alarm not go
off? He's wired every entrance.

Not every entrance.

JAZZY MUSIC PLAYS

Ah. Will. There you are.

Oh, hi, Mr Devenham. Are you OK?

Look, I'm so sorry about my friends
jumping on you the other day.

Dear boy, a magical career is
full of unexpected moments,

though I admit being
leapt on in a museum

was more unexpected than most.

And far be it from me to
let such a minor incident

get in the way of what I hope might
be a mutually beneficial proposal.

A proposal?

I was hugely impressed by
your show the other day.

Well... I had some
help with that.

Well, modest as
well as talented.

You remind me a bit
of my younger self.

HE GRUNTS

For real?

For real.

My assistant was recently
poached by a rival,

and I was wondering if
perhaps you might consider?

Me? Be your assistant?

Helping me devise
tricks and such.

I... I would pay you for
your time, of course.

And teach you a
little of the craft.

Nothing too formal.

We could meet here
after your shifts.

But... That'd mean... I
wouldn't need the laundry job.

I could still work for
Artie. This is great.

This is perfect.

Except...

..I've sort of already quit.

Consider yourself rehired.

HE LAUGHS

I was listening
in. Uh, slow day.

Thanks, Artie. That'd be great.

OK, if I go tell Theo and
the others? Yeah, go on.

They're not here, are they?

You're safe.

Happy days in the penny
arcade! Yes. Whoo!

Laundry. Neville Devenham.
Slow down, Will. Breathe.

Neville Devenham wants
you to do his laundry?

I don't have to
work at the laundry.

Neville Devenham wants
me to be his assistant.

Congratulations, Will.
Will, that's amazing.

So the whole jumping
on him thing?

Sorted. Er, so what
are you all doing?

Aapep trap. It's no big deal.

Tell us more about the job.
No, wait. An Aapep trap?

Theo thinks he got into the museum
last night through the ka door

and leeched magic from some
artefacts to recharge his power.

You know, it's sad I don't even
question things like this any more.

So, you think he'll
be back? Definitely.

Aapep barely got through half
the magical items in here.

This time, though,
we'll be ready for him.

Anyone who comes out of
the ka door will land

straight on this pressure
plate and whoosh,

a big old net will whisk
them up to the ceiling.

What pressure plate? Ha.

I've painted it to match the
museum floor. Isn't it beautiful?

I've been studying the technique
of early Dutch realists.

Wow. Impressive. Though is
that a shadow over there?

You know, maybe you
could... And there you go.

Thinking about
magical misdirection.

You'd have been
wasted in the laundry.

Yeah. I do have a few ideas.

Great. I'll get the rest
of the magical items

into the Secret Room
in the meantime.

If Aapep really is after
them, there's no reason for us

to make things easy
for him, is there?

That's right. Knocked the
rope straight out of my hands.

And why don't you show me exactly
what happened? Spare no details.

Well, I was about
to open this case...

On second thoughts, a summary.

Oh. Well, ah, as I said,
if you're going to...

LIGHT THUD

Did you hear that? Oh,
it's so draughty in here.

Why don't we move over that way?

I could have sworn
there was a vase there.

Oh, dear. Oh, dear, I see
what's happening here.

All this talk about thieves
clearly gone to your head.

A bit of fresh air
will do you good.

OK, Mum. Please don't freak out.

I can explain, OK...

OK, I know this looks
weird and it is weird,

but everything's weird
for a long time now.

Just let me explain, please.

Can't pull the
wool over my eyes.

CLICKING

Whoa!

Aaaaaaaah!

I've been wanting to
tell you for so long.

But I always thought that,
that if you knew then...

..then I'd be putting
you and Dad in danger.

Of course, I understand.

I just didn't know
how to protect you.

I'm sorry.

Apologies? No need for that.

I couldn't be happier
to be here, child.

Mum? Are you OK?

I'm glorious. Can't you tell?

Best I've felt in so long.

Mum? And you've
collected all this magic.

Clever girl.

How can you see the...

Oh, no.

WHISPERS: Hear me, ancients...

What was that?

Oh, nothing. Just a rhyme.

You shouldn't lie to
your mother, Theodosia.

SHE GASPS

You're not my mum.

Get... Get me down! Whoaaaah!

What's all this racket?

ALL TRY TO EXPLAIN AT SAME TIME

Your blasted granddaughter!

There's something
wrong with that child.

She's not even here.
Where is she anyway?

She's in the storage room.

She's been there
a while, actually.

These children are
totally out of control.

And I assure you, they will
be dealt with most severely.

Children, you are
to find Theodosia

and wait for me in the
store room at once.

But... Do I make myself clear?

Took you long enough to realise,

Theodosia Throckmorton,
doting daughter.

Your cat knew the
truth before you did.

My cat's special,
you're just a monster.

No, child. I am chaos.

I was here before time was born

and I'll thrive
beyond time's death.

No, you're not,

and you going to get away
from my mother as well.

Hear me, ancients. Bes, protector of
light, bring me the speed of light.

Am I supposed to be impressed?
Your little spells can't stop me.

Hear me, ancients.

Theo. You're all right? Get
back. She's not my mother.

Oh, look. We've got an audience.

How tiresome.

Theo.

You people.

So small. So fragile.

How much better the world
will be without you all.

SHE CACKLES

AAPEP: Goodbye, Henrietta.
You served me well.

Mum, Mum!

Where am I?

Where did Aapep
go? Where is he?!

WHOOSHING