02x05 - Your Past, Your Present

[bunniefuu]

[gentle piano music]

- As we look back on
Black History Month,

we want to highlight
the bond between those

that came before us and
the ingenuity of today.

In March of 1849
Henry "Box" Brown

mailed himself from
Virginia to Philadelphia

in a wooden crate,
securing his freedom.

BET salutes you.

And it's because
of forward thinking

and risks taken by Mr. Brown

that young brothers
like Kwame Abrams

and Devon Turner are
able to strive today.

- We owe everything
to Henry "Box" Brown.

If it wasn't for
the strives he made,

we would've never been
able to do what we did.

- I know it sounds
a little crazy,

but homegirl and her friends
were talking real spicy

in the DMs, and sometimes
a n*gga just need to know.

- She said she was in
Tulum. She said pull up.

- Whoa!
- I was like, "Bet."

- But that's when we ran
into our first problem.

We ain't really had the bread
to get to Mexico like that.

- We was watching this
documentary about Henry Brown,

how he mailed himself
from sl*very into freedom,

and that's when we
had this wild idea.

- We got some big-a*s boxes,

and we shipped
ourselves to Mexico.

- Augh!

- That sh*t worked.

I mean, it didn't exactly
freedom from sl*very,

but I'll try anything
for some throat, baby.

- ♪ Throat baby ♪

And linking with
baddies for cheap,

now that's the real liberation.

- Go, Black man, go.

For your foresight
and quick thinking,

BET salutes you, Kwame
Abrams and Devon Turner.

[soulful music]

- ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah,
let me hear you say ♪

♪ Your folks, my folks ♪

♪ My folks, your folks ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
- ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

- ♪ Yeah! ♪

♪ Ha! ♪

- How early should they
teach critical race theory?

- What is critical race theory?

- The sh*t that white
people did to Black people.

[laughter]

- It wasn't a f*ck' theory.

[laughter]

sh*t happened. There's
pictures of it.

[light orchestral music]

♪ ♪

- Welcome to "Your
Past, Your Present."

I'm Archibald Dupree.

In this episode we'll
explore the family tree

of comedian Michael Che.

To uncover his roots,

genealogists help
stitch together the past

from the paper trail his
ancestors left behind.

And we've compiled it
all into a book of life,

a record of all our discoveries.

Have a seat, Michael.
- Oh, thank you, man.

I'm a big fan.

- Great to have
you on the program.

- I just want to tell you,

this is a really important show,

and, you know, my whole
family's just excited

to find out where we
come from, you know?

- Why don't we get
down to business?

This book is very
important, Michael.

It the tale of your family

as far back as we
could trace it.

- Wow.
- Go ahead, open it up.

- Okay.
- Brother Michael,

that is a picture of your
great-great-great grandfather

Earl Che.
- Man!

I kind of look like him.
- [laughs] You do, actually.

Opposite that picture we
were actually able to find

one of the earliest documents
I've ever encountered

of sl*ve writing.
- No kidding?

So he was a writer.
- Mm-hmm.

- Like me.
- Mm-hmm.

- I like that.

- We believe that Earl

was the first person
in your family

to teach himself to read.

- Wow.

- And he may have been
one of the first sl*ves

ever to do so.

- I see people get emotional
a lot on this show.

And I make fun of them.
- Mm-hmm.

You care to read it out loud?

- I mean, I'd love to.

"August 27, 1789,

"Them n*gg*s outside hiding,

"they gonna try
to leave tonight.

They smell like sh*t."

- That's right, Michael.

See, your great-great-great
grandfather

had the very special
job of house n*gga.

- The f*ck you mean?

- I mean he was far too
valuable and delicate

to be out there in the fields.

- Let's... Let's
do somebody else.

Can we move on to something
else, please? I don't know...

- You know what
this is, Michael?

It's the walking stick

of your great-great-great
grandmother Pearl.

Inspired by Harriet Tubman...
- Wow.

- She used this walking stick
to lead hundreds of sl*ves

from Canada back
down to Mississippi.

- Wait, why would sl*ves want
to go back down to Mississippi?

- They didn't. She
forced them with a r*fle.

- All right, so this
is a joke, right?

So you're, like... you're,
like, trolling me a little bit.

Who put you up to this, Colin?

- Not all of your family
were house n*gg*s.

Your great uncle Melvin was
actually in the inner circle

of many great people.

He was close with
Martin Luther King

and Malcom X and
the Black Panthers.

- Wow, now, see, that sounds
like somebody in my family.

- Yeah. Turn the page again.
- Yeah.

- You can see his FBI badge.

- So you telling
me my Uncle Melvin

set up Martin Luther
King and Malcom X?

- And the Black Panthers.

- All right, man, I...

- Maybe what we found out

about your great-great-great
Aunt Ruth will shed some light.

She was a prominent
makeup artist

at the turn of the 1900s.

- Oh, and let me guess.
She invented blackface?

- So you have heard of her.
- No, man.

I was saying
something ridiculous.

- Michael, studies show
that every Black person

has one b*tch n*gga
in their family

for every five real.

But you've got five real
n*gg*s for every twelve b*tch.

- What study says
that? What are you...

- Look, the math
may seem confusing,

but these numbers
make you almost white.

- Is there anybody in my
family that's not an old co*n?

- Well, there's
some young c*ons.

We did find something
interesting.

Check this out.

Is that Jason Whitlock?

- We couldn't find anything

saying that you two are related,

but you have to be. Come on.

Distant cousins or something.

Typical b*tch n*gga.

- I've never... I've never
done, like, an ancestry.

I'm always afraid.

I just feel like
it's gonna the reason

why I'm gonna get jury duty.

[laughter]

I'm not giving my
DNA to them people.

I don't know who them
people are, but that's...

It's a very Black thing to say.

Also, what the f*ck am I gonna
do with that information?

What, am I gonna go back?

[laughter]

Them n*gg*s don't want me there.

I've been in a taxi.

Them n*gg*s are not
thrilled to see us.

[laughter]

[horns honking]

- They be buying
anything on here.

- [chuckles]

[phone buzzing]
- Oh, babe.

- Hmm?
- Phone.

- Toss it to me?
- Yeah.

- It's my dad.

- "It's my dad."
- Shh.

- [chuckles]

Hi, Daddy.

- How's my scholar?

- Um, good. Just about to
shower and grab some lunch.

- Okay, well, I just
want to let you know

how proud I am of you.

And I love you.

- Oh, that's so sweet,
Daddy. I love you too.

I gotta go, but enjoy
the wedding, ah?

- And your aunt wanted
me to tell you she...

[line beeping]

- Told you you were
gonna take all day.

What?
- Shut up.

I'll be out in a minute.

[phone buzzing]

- Oh, God.

- Your aunt wanted you to
look out for the spices.

- Um, so sorry,
Enya's actually...

[tense music]

- Where's my Enya?
- She's taking a shower.

I can just have her call
you back later or...

- Why are you with my daughter?

- Well, actually,
I'm her boyfriend.

This is so weird that
this is how we're meeting.

My name's William.

- William?

Are you from Nigeria,
Ghana, William?

- Nah, I'm from right
outside of Baltimore.

- I don't know who you are.

I don't know what
it is that you want.

If it's money or drugs
you are looking for,

I assure you I have neither.

- I think we got off on
the wrong foot here. I...

- but what I do have are a
very special set of skills,

skills that I've honed
for such a time as this.

If you let her go,
that'll be the end of it.

If not, I will look for you,

I will find you,

and I will k*ll you.

And I know every African
man on the East Coast.

You don't want to
make me your enemy.

[phone ringing]

- Your daughter is in
a happy relationship.

Congratulations.
- He's Black American.

- [indistinct]

- Send everyone we have.

♪ ♪

We will find you, Enya.

Enya!

♪ ♪

- I'm at the hotel.

He's mine!

- I care about
your daughter, sir.

We're in love.

- Let her go!

[tense music]

- Nah.

♪ ♪

- Enya!

Ahh! Enya!

- Hey! Everything okay?

- It's all good.

- I'll be out in a minute.

- Take your time.

Listen here, you old-a*s
n*gga. Your daughter, she mine.

Them cheeks, they mine.

I'll be spreadin'
'em, smackin' 'em.

She taking pan-African
p*nis now, boy.

You ain't never
gonna get her back.

- Disrespectful little...

- "Disrespectful little."
Shut the f*ck up.

You got 48 hours,

or else I'm the daddy.

- I will stop you.

- Hey, babe, think I'm gonna
join you in that shower.

- Always.

- Good luck, n*gga.

[blows kisses]

Baby.
- [chuckles]

- Whoo!

- No!

- A wedding is creepy.

Like, it's, like, 400 people
just watching 2 people kiss.

[laughter]

It's way too f*ck' intimate.

That's when I hate when women
brag about their wedding day.

Like, "My wedding day was the
greatest time of my life."

I'm like, yeah, you
got a free diamond.

[laughter]

You know what I gotta do
to get a free diamond?

I gotta win a Super Bowl.

[laughter]

- 25 years ago Mathers
and Stuart conducted

the now-famous doll
test experiment,

where they discovered the depth

of implicit racial bias
children learn at a young age.

- Point to the bad doll.

Now point to the good doll.

- Today we sit
with Linden Porter,

one of the original
children who participated

in that experiment.

- Thank you so much

for inviting us into
your home, Linden.

Do you want to tell us a
little more about that day?

- Sure.

That's kind of where it
all started, you know?

I never really unlearned that.

- I imagine that must have
been pretty traumatic.

- Without a doubt.

I mean, highlighting
internalized racism

at such a young age, it
still reverberates with me.

You know, I...

I'm ashamed to say it. I...

I still think that way.

- Wow, so you still
associate white with good

and Black with bad?

- Yes, that sort of thinking
has influenced my entire life.

- Wow.
- It's how I chose my wife.

- And your wife is...
- White, yes.

I know, but love is love.

- Mr. Porter, how long
have you been dating?

- Well, I started
dating white women

around the normal age that
most boys start to date girls,

right around 28.

And I've never
looked back since.

- So how did you
and Rebecca meet?

- We met online. I saw her.
It was love at first sight.

And then four to six
business days later,

she was mine.

- Have you ever been
in a relationship

with a human woman?

Mr. Porter, uh...

- [blows]

I'm sorry, what?

- We discovered
that the doll test

has had a devastating
effect on Linden's sanity.

So you and your wife
have raised a family.

- Yep. Our son
lives in New York.

He's a model at Macy's.

This is him here, Manny
and his boyfriend Quinn.

Oh, and our daughter's
home. Hey, Dolly.

She's a health care worker.

And I tell you, we were so proud

of the work she was doing
during the pandemic.

Every day we were
outside at 7:30 just

clapping it up for her.

- And is that how you think
that nurses dress today?

- [wheezing]

I know what you're thinking.

You want to f*ck my
daughter's face, don't you?

I don't blame you
for thinking it.

I've thought it too.

But, you know, to say
it out loud, actually,

is just...

Luckily this is a nonjudgment
sort of household, you know.

Rebecca and I have
worked very hard

to raise a Christian family.

- [laughs]

I'm... I'm sorry. This is
just a little bit weird.

You gotta admit.

- Right, well, you
know, love is weird.

- Dude, you're
married to a sex doll.

- Right, well, it's
not that weird.

Some people do it.
- What people?

- You remember the
scene in "I Am Legend"

where Will Smith is
talking to the mannequin?

- Yeah, but he was the
last person on Earth

in that movie.

- Aren't we all entitled
to our own interpretation

of what it means to be
the last person on Earth

in a movie?

- Um, no.

- [whispering]

No, it's okay. It's okay.

It's... don't...
okay, it's all right.

It's all right.

She said you should
get the f*ck out.

♪ ♪

- I hope I wasn't a bully.

Sometimes when you're a
kid you don't know what...

you know, it takes a while to
learn compassion and empathy.

Like, we made fun of
kids. We would trash kids.

And we didn't know.

[laughter]

Is this just me? You
never... You never...

You never, like, thought back
and had, like, a flashback?

Like, holy sh*t, remember
when I told that girl

she couldn't sing
in the fourth grade

and she had to change schools?

[laughter]

You know what I'm saying, Keith.

- Yeah.
[laughter]

[laughter]

[school bell rings]

- Thank you so
much for coming in,

Mr. and Mrs. Cheney.

- Oh. It's great to meet you.

- Thank you.
- Of course.

- Thank you for taking
the time out of your day.

I have heard so much about
you from other parents.

I know that you are so beloved
in this school community.

Well, we take bullying
very seriously here.

- Bullying?
- Yes.

The way that Demario has been
behaving towards other students

is grounds for suspension.

- I can't believe
he's been acting up.

We raised our son right.
- Mm-hmm.

- Honestly, just you being here

sets a great
example for Demario.

- Of course. We
don't mess around

when it comes to our son.

We came in to get this straight,

so Demario can go back to class.

- I ain't even do nothing.

- Just so we all as a group

understand the severity
of the situation,

I'm having some other
students come in

to tell their side of the story.

- Daniel? Daniel.

- Whew, this the janitor?
Who's this linebacker?

- There is no way that my son
is bullying this big-a*s kid.

- Whenever I see Demario
he tells me to run.

And if I don't,

he beats me up.
- That's horrible, son.

You shouldn't be running.
You too big to be running.

You are tubby.

- Do not call my student tubby.

- He is tubby. Can you see him?

Coming up in here
telling on my son.

- You a Tellytubby.

- Who's a big boy?

- You sure he's not the bully?

- You stronger than
I thought you were.

- What size shoes you wear, boy?

- Good luck in NFL.
- Wanna be your agent.

- Daniel, you can leave.

- [whispering] Sorry.

- Becca? Becca, thank
you so much. Come in.

- You mean to tell
me he was bullying

this poor little homeless girl?

- Demario put gum in my hair.

- This b*tch lying.
She ain't got no hair.

- Mr. Cheney, please
let Becca finish.

- He put so much gum in my hair

that my parents had
to chop it all off.

- Maybe he was trying to
aim the gum at your mouth.

Maybe her breath stink.

- Yeah, maybe they don't have
toothpaste at the shelter.

Becca, here, that's for
you and your family.

- Okay, Becca, you can
leave. Get out of here.

If you don't stop
insulting my students,

then this whole
meeting is called off

and Demario remains suspended.

- [sighs] We'll stop.

- Okay, next up,
we have Marcus g*y.

- Pass.
- Respectfully, pass.

We don't want no
problem with the gays.

- Okay, next we have
Oscar. Hi, Oscar.

- Oh, sh*t, a werewolf.

- You know, I should
have known better.

Oscar has hypertrichosis,
which means that hair

grows all over his body,
and it's pretty cool.

It's like in "Twilight."

- I didn't see that
movie. Is it contagious?

- No, there's nothing
to worry about.

- Aw, you're a good boy.

- Now, if you can
contain yourselves,

Oscar will tell
you what happened.

- Whoa, he can speak?

Come on, speak, boy.
You can do it. Come on.

- Let him... wait, let
him get your scent.

- Okay, yeah. Smell
me. Come on, smell it.

Hey, hey?

- I'll get him to talk.

- Oh, watch out!

[percussive music]

- Um...
- Oh.

- Hey, you little hairy b*stard!

Give that back to me!

- Mm-mm-mm.

- Son of a b*tch
snatched my wig.

- Okay, are...

Are you two... Are
you two delusional?

- Let us try one
more time, please.

- You know, I didn't
want to expose Trishelle,

but she wants to talk to you.

Trishelle, come on in.

- I'm confused.
She looks normal.

- Yeah, what's wrong
with her? She Ret*rded?

- Okay.

- I'm sorry, I meant
mentally Ret*rded.

- During recess,
Demario snapped my bra

through my T-shirt.

- Trishelle, I was picking
a bug off your back.

- And that is sexual harassment,

and that is a crime.

Are you ready to
take this seriously?

- Wow, I had no idea.

- I did not know Demario

had a little girlfriend!

- He unsnapped this girl's bra.

- Yeah, that's how I
met my gorgeous wife.

- Look, Ms. Principal,
when a man is into a women,

he do dat.
- He do dat, though.

- I've heard enough.

Okay, Trishelle, you can
go. Thank you so much.

Well, I see where
Demario gets it from.

- So Demario can
go back to class?

- Uh, sure. Just please leave.

- All right.

Come on, family.

Well, thank you for your time.
- Okay, thank you, Mr. Cheney.

Oh! Did you just snap my bra?

- I sure did.
- That is sexual harassment.

- Sexual harassment?
And she ain't even cute.

- Sexual harassment?
You ain't even crying.

Sexual harassment!

- Well, they don't want
white kids learning

about, like, sl*very, right?
- Yeah.

- And, like, Jim Crow and
segregation and all that sh*t.

And what is the argument
for not learning that?

Makes them feel f*cking bad.

That doesn't make you...
Does it make you feel bad?

No, no, but why do you
think white people don't?

Come on, you know.

Even if it's not you, like,

what does Grandma
say at Thanksgiving?

[laughter]

What does... tell
us what Meemaw says.

[laughter]

- You say it like
you're apologizing

for getting too
drunk or something.

It's not good. It's not good.
I'm not... not proud of it.