01x06 - Only Built 4 Leather Suits

[bunniefuu]

- As an artist, you're

always chasing your heroes.

I remember what it was

like watching

"Bring the--f*ck'--Pain,"

and now I got a special,

and there's an eight-year-old

watching that special,

and it ain't "Bring the Pain,"

you know?

That's the worst feeling

in the world, man.

So that's in your brain

as an artist all the time.

All you think about is how much

better your heroes have been.

[church bell rings]

[voice singing chant]

♪

Bless me Father, I have sinned.

- When was your last

confession?

- Umnever.

I'm not really Catholic,

per se.

Just always wanted to try this.

- Well, that's okay.

All are welcome in the house

of God.

- This is dope.

How come Catholic churches

are so nice?

I've never seen, like,

a poor Catholic church.

- Thank you.

Well, it is the Lord's house,

so you want it to look nice.

- You know, my mother's always

trying to get me to go

to her church,

but it is not nice like this.

This is ni--

you guys got privacy.

- I'm so happy to have

brother Michael

testifying for us today.

I want you all to lift him up

in prayer.

[indistinct voices]

- Yeah, thanks, y'all.

The brother is going

through a whole lot of stress

right now.

He's doing a stand-up special

at Madison Square Garden

real soon.

There are plenty

of tickets left.

- There's a couple tickets

left.

- I guess his little show ain't

really hitting on HBO.

- I wouldn't say a little show.

It's a regular size show.

- Oh, forgive me.

I meant to say HBO Max,

not the real one.

- It's the same--

- Nah, it ain't.

We all have normal HBO, amen?

all:

Amen!

- Now, I want y'all to support

this brother

and his little show.

I've seen it.

It's not for me.

I miss "Chappelle's Show."

Or "Martin."

[laughs]

Or, remember

"In Living Color"?

Can I get an amen?

all:

Amen!

- Yeah, they're

all great shows.

It's just, there's room

for everybody.

- Those brothers

had characters.

- I do a different thing.

- I get what you're trying

to do.

I like "Atlanta."

I love "Fleabag."

- "Fleabag"?

- But the writing was so strong

on those shows.

- Great, you know, I'm gonna

take my seat right now.

- His girlfriend left him,

you know,

so he's drinking alcohol

a lot more now.

- Why are you yelling?

My mother's--

- No, don't be ashamed,

brother.

A lot of people in your family

have problems with alcohol.

all:

Mm-hmm.

- He told me he can't perform

in the bedroom

because of his anxiety.

- Well, everybody has anxiety--

- So he picks a fight,

so he can sleep alone

and save himself

the embarrassment.

Mm, my Lord!

Isn't that sad, y'all?

- I never told you that, man.

- You didn't have to, brother.

God told me.

[RZA's "You Can't

Stop Me Now" playing]

♪

- No matter how hard

you try ♪

You can't stop me now ♪

[laughter]

- Yo, when you taping

your special?

- Next week, man.

I can't believe I'm taping

at Madison Square Garden.

- For sure.

- Yeah.

- Honestly, I can't believe

you're taping there either.

- Well, it's almost sold out,

so

- Word?

How?

- Whatchu mean how?

I got my own show on HBO!

- HBO Max.

- It's the same sh*t, man.

- Well, all I'm saying,

I'm a little surprised.

That's a lot of tickets

to push, bro.

- Yo, you should do Rogan

and promote it on air.

- Yeah, yeah, you should.

- A podcast?

You want me to promote it

on a podcast?

I'm on TV every week.

- Yeah, but n*gg*s don't

really watch TV like that.

- There's no more good shows

either.

Yo, yo, yo, yo!

You know what I miss?

- What's that?

- "Fleabag."

Remember that show?

- With the white girl?

- [both]

"'Ello, love."

- Ahh! n*gga, shut up.

- Nobody talk about you,

man.

Nobody talks about you on TV.

- Nobody be talking 'bout you,

Che.

- So what's troubling you, son?

- Everything, son.

I don't know where to start.

- Well, why don't we start

with today?

- Well, today, honestly,

I'm a little hungover.

Was drinking last night.

And a couple nights

before that.

Kind of like a shopaholic

but with alcohol.

That's a little jokey-poo

I like to tell.

- No, I got it.

- Oh, okay.

Anyway.

I went out with some friends.

We went to this party, right?

- Man, this sh*t look bougie

as hell.

- I ain't waiting

in this long a*s line.

I'm telling you that now.

- Just tell him you on TV.

We'll get right in.

- I don't do that sh*t, man.

Let's go somewhere else.

- Why not?

This sh*t is lit.

- Kinda lit though.

- Just go up there,

and tell him you was

on "Saturday Night Live,"

and they let you right in.

- What do you mean "was"?

I'm still on the show, n*gga.

- n*gga, that sh*t

ain't gon' work.

Damn door girl's Black.

- Oh, yeah, we definitely not

getting in.

- What the f*ck is that

supposed to mean?

- Come on, man, you know

Black people

don't watch

"Saturday Night Live."

- Exactly.

- Yes, they do!

Everybody watch

"Saturday Night Live."

- Not Black people.

- When Migos' on.

All right, I got an idea.

Let's just go to the white bar

around the corner.

- Oh, we definitely getting

in there.

- Yeah, we are.

- Ey man, wait, hold on!

I'm a g*dd*mn TV star!

- Okay.

- There you go!

- We gonna get

in this Black a*s club.

They gonna know who I am.

- Manifest, king!

- Watch this.

- Go ahead, boy!

- Wipe your nose!

[dramatic music]

♪

- Hey.

Can I go in?

- You don't see the line,

n*gga?

Yeah, look, I don't like

doing this,

but my name's Michael Che, I'm

on this show called "Sat--"

- I know.

- Oh, you do know who I am?

- And?

- And that's the line.

- Yep.

And it wraps around the block,

too.

♪

- Okay.

- What happened, star?

- Huh?

Uh, I think that's, like,

a g*y club.

- Oh, oh, word? Oh, oh, word.

- Let's go to that other spot

you was talking 'bout.

You said there's another place.

- What, the white club?

That what you want to go to,

right?

- Whatever the color is, man.

People is people, man.

Why you always got to make sh*t

about race?

- All right, n*gga.

Just do a f*cking podcast, bro.

- I don't think she had to be

such a jerk about it.

It's not even her club.

She just worked the door.

It was like she took pleasure

in shutting me down.

Hello!

- I'm still here, son.

- All right, son,

then say something.

- It's confession.

I was letting you confess.

- Okay, but you could at least

ask me some follow-up questions

or something.

Be engaged, man.

I'm pouring my heart out here.

- Fine.

How did that make you feel?

- It made me feel like my story

was boring you.

- No, I meant

when the door girl

wouldn't let you in the party.

- Oh, honestly?

Felt like punching her right

in the top of her head,

right in the soft spot.

- That's terrible.

- I said "felt like," okay?

Obviously, I wouldn't hit

a girl.

I don't want to get canceled

by the Liberal media.

Hey, do priests ever have to

worry about getting canceled?

- No, they just transfer us

to another parish.

- [laughs]

That's a good one.

- It was right there.

I had to.

- Yeah, no, I'ma take that one.

Man, being a priest must be

hard.

You gotta be nice to everybody.

Don't you ever want to just

slap the sh*t out of somebody?

- Well, we all feel frustration

and anger,

if that's what you're asking.

- No, no, no, that's not

what I'm asking.

I mean, do you ever want

to sock a lady

because she made you feel small

in front of your friends?

- Miss, I am not trying

to argue with you.

- Just ring up my sh*t.

- The sign says ten items

or less.

You have like 30 items here.

- f*ck you!

- Ooh!

- Has this ever happened

to you?

Crazy lady rocks your sh*t

in public,

and you can't do anything

about it?

- I'm calling the cops.

- Wow, you really gonna call

the police on a lady, dog?

- You snitch a*s n*gga.

- f*ck 12.

- Oh!

You guys are gonna

take her side?

- Ring my sh*t up, b*tch.

- Yeah, you heard her.

Ring that sh*t up!

- There's got to be

a better way.

- Now there is, with

the all new HomeGrrl app.

The HomeGrrl app lets you

order a homegirl

to fight for you

when your hands are tied.

- You piece of sh*t!

You want some more?

- HomeGrrl for Shawn?

- Yeah, that's me.

Could you hit her?

- Yeah.

- Wait, I could just go

to another register!

- Oh, it's too late for that

now, b*tch.

[upbeat music]

- Thanks, home girl!

- Please rate me five stars.

Come on!

[brakes squeal]

- I can't believe you hit

my car, you dumbass n*gga!

- What the--

- Yeah, that's what the f*ck

you get!

- Just one second.

- Oh, my--what?

- One second, calm down.

Calm down.

- These f*cking white people--

the f*ck is wrong with you?

- Who ordered

the HomeGrrl Black?

- Oh, right here.

- HomeGrrl Black?

- Want some gum or water?

- No.

- All right, I should be done

beating her a*s

in about four minutes.

- Oh, oh, sh*t!

- Thanks, Coco!

[upbeat music]

Thank you, HomeGrrl.

- Every good family has

one girl that can fight.

That's your job,

that one hockey goon.

Some girl bully you?

You go call Keisha,

and she's already putting up

hair in a ponytail,

out the car.

And if she wasn't

in your family,

you call your home girl.

You need a home girl.

- Son, were you drinking

before you came here?

- Uh, if you mean, like, water

or orange juice, yes.

- I mean alcohol.

- You mean, like, a couple

beers for my hangover,

so that I could feel better,

uh, sure, I guess.

- It's 10:00 a.m.

- Okay, it's noon somewhere.

Where you going with all

these questions, Father?

- Forget I brought it up.

- Thank you.

- Son, you come to confession,

and you're not Catholic.

Clearly, something's weighing

heavy on your heart.

Just tell me what it is.

What brought you down here?

- I don't know, son.

I just feel like I'm wasting

my career.

I just want to be one

of the all-time greats,

you know?

Dave Chappelle, Richard Pryor,

George Carlin, Chris Rock,

Bill C--uh

Redd Foxx, you know?

Those guys were giants.

They were rock stars.

And sure, I'm playing

Madison Square Garden.

But it's not--

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

You're playing

Madison Square Garden?

- Yeah.

- Really?

- Really.

- Just you?

- Yeah, just me.

- By yourself?

- Yes, by myself.

- Wow.

- What do you mean, "wow"?

What's that supposed to mean?

- No, no, nothing.

I just

I just remember

as a little kid,

seeing Dane Cook sell out

the Garden.

He was a star.

He was a huge star.

- Well, my show's

almost sold out, too.

Wait a minute, how old are you?

- No, I'm not trying to take

anything away

from what you've achieved,

just really surprised.

Wow.

- I have my own show.

HBO, man.

- HBO Max.

- All right, this is--

- [knocks]

Hi.

- Hello, nurse.

[laughs]

You remember that?

From "Animaniacs"?

- I'll be taking your physical

today.

- You can take

whatever you want.

- Do you mind taking off

your jacket?

I'm gonna have to check

your blood pressure.

- Of course.

I knew you wanted me to take

off something.

Why start with that thing?

That thing might pop.

You know, I've been working

out, you know?

Eating vegetables and praying.

Doing a lot of push-ups,

you know.

You eat wings?

No, you give me--

you like plant-based.

You look like a Pisces.

I mean, I don't care nothing

about signs,

but I'm a Leo.

[laughs]

Whoo.

- Okay, before you see

the doctor,

I'm gonna have to check

your testicles.

- Mymy testicles?

- So take off your bottoms,

and put on this robe.

- Why would you have to do

that?

The doctor--

- Be right back.

Leo, the lion.

- No, but--

I mean, it should be

an older nurse doing it.

sh*t!

Damn, it's 8:00 in the morning.

Okay.

Come on, Kev.

Come on, Kev.

Got to get it out.

Come on.

Rihanna, Beyonce,

Halle Berry,

Issa Rae,

Michelle Obama,

with all due respect.

Come on, man.

Come on, man.

Any girl, any girl.

Last time you had sex.

When the last time you had sex?

Damn.

When the last time you had sex?

Pornhub, Pornhub, Pornhub.

Pornhub, yes.

Damn, no service.

Come on, okay.

Heat up, heat up, heat up.

She'll see my d*ck, and then

just--she'll tweet about it.

This is gonna be

on Black Twitter.

It's gonna be trending.

- [knocks]

Hey!

Okay, gonna need you

to lift the robe.

- [sighs]

Yo, my bad, yo.

My bad.

[newscast intro music]

- We go now

to the Chauncy Hotel,

where NoHo Karen is enraged,

and letting everyone know

about it.

- Your freakin' son stole

my freakin' phone.

His son has it right there!

- Where?

- It's in his diaper!

- My son ain't no damn thief.

- [screams]

- Yo, what the f*ck is wrong

with you?

- No, no, no, no, no!

No, no, no, I got this.

[upbeat music]

♪

[watch chimes]

I'm really sorry

about everything.

- Thanks, HomeGrrl.

- People always tell you,

"You can't say that

"because kids are watching,

and I don't want my kids

seeing that on TV."

I'm like, well,

what about my kids?

I want my kids to see

everything.

It's bad enough,

they're already growing up

without a father.

They need to see--

[laughs]

narrator:

Today on Wendy

we talk to comedian

Michael Che

about his special

at Madison Square Garden.

- How you doin'?

- How are you doing?

- So what are you gonna wear?

Leather? Eddie Murphy?

- Oh, I don't think I should

be wearing leather.

- Eddie did "Raw"

at the Garden,

and he did

"Saturday Night Live," too.

- I guess you could say

I'm the next Eddie Murphy.

narrator: We gab about

his Weekend Update co-anchor,

Colin Jost.

- Colin is married

to Scarlett Johansson.

He does it right, and he

went to Harvard, and you--

- Well, I actually went to

a very prestigious high school

for five years, so

narrator:

And his love life.

- We did some digging

in your personal life.

- Oh, no, I knew

this was gonna happen.

I knew you'd--

- Nothing came up.

Nothing.

narrator: Watch today.

- On tonight's episode

of "Real Child Predators,"

we expose the dark, ugly world

of actual child predators.

- Oh, damn, Ma!

Hey, what's up?

- I'm on the phone

with the cable company.

"Fortnite's" been lagging.

- Okay.

- Come on in.

And make yourself comfortable.

- My mom had to change

service providers

every time I tried

to buy V-bucks with her card,

got denied.

- Well, maybe you got denied

because you're a child,

and you don't have a job.

What are you doing here, Tyler?

- Oh, sh*t, yo.

Who the f*ck is you?

- I'm asking the questions.

Why you here?

- To meet Jeanine.

- Do you know how old she is?

- I don't know, like 50?

- She's 46.

- Oh, sh*t, all right.

All right, that's better

than I thought it was.

- Well, she's still old enough

to be your mom.

'Cause I have messages here

where you're asking to, quote,

"pipe her down,"

and "beat her guts."

- Facts.

- What's in the bag?

- A Switch, liquor, condoms.

- Magnums?

Yeah, right.

Like you could fit those.

- I can fit them though.

- Those are joke condoms.

Nobody can fit those.

You know, you could get

in big trouble

for coming here, young man.

- Is you, like, a cop

or something, bro?

- Nope, I'm Chris Hanson,

host of "Real Child Predators."

- Oh, sh*t.

- And you're on camera

right now.

- Yo, this gonna be on TV?

- That's right.

Everyone's gonna see

you're a child predator.

- Oh, sh*t.

- Preying on older women.

- Yo, you already know

the f*cking vibes.

I was finna get that old b*tch

round, yeah.

- Think you're so cool,

don'tcha?

- Bro, why is you so pressed?

Like, what, you like her

or something?

- Actually, I love her.

She's my wife.

- Bro, that ain't your wife.

She for the streets!

- What is that supposed

to mean?

She's from Montauk.

- I'm out of here, I got

online school in the morning.

- Get back here!

- Suck my d*ck.

- Yeah, right.

You wish!

- Yo, Katt Williams special

came on last on HBO,

the one in the green suit.

- You know the green suit one?

- I know, that's

the funniest one, yo!

Yeah, Mike Epps' one funny,

too!

- Hey, what--let me ask y'all

a question.

- What's up?

- Y'all think I'm corny?

- Like, the way you dress?

- A little.

- No, no, no, I'm talking

about my comedy

'cause I know y'all talk about

all these great Black comics.

You don't really bring me up.

- Nah, man, your sh*t funny.

- It's just not Katt

in the green suit funny,

but it's funny.

- It's just like,

it's different.

- Like, very different.

- Well, how you mean?

What makes me different

than these guys?

Like, I do the same thing.

How is it different?

- Like, I'ma keep it a buck,

let me--

- No, no, no, no, don't--

- No, let him talk!

- --ruin the night.

- No, look, I'm not gonna

get mad.

I just wanna hear

what he has to say about it.

- I'm just trying to figure out

a cool way to say--

All right, here we go.

I ain't gonna hold you.

I ain't never seen stand-up,

but I know my mom's dig it.

- Yeah, his mom's mad cool.

- She comedy-savvy, so, like,

you up there.

- You've never seen

my stand-up?

- I ain't never seen it.

It's your job.

We be hang--you know.

- I mean, I like it.

I like it.

- Katt brought Lil Jon

onstage.

Like, you ain't bringing

Lil Jon onstage.

- You can't make memes out

of it, but you know

- It ain't meme-able,

but it is funny.

- Yeah.

- It's funny though!

- What's that boy that made

"Get Out"?

- Jordan Peele.

- Yep, "Key & Peele."

Now, that was a good show.

What else?

- "Insecure"!

- Ah!

"Insecure," of course,

and that was

on normal people HBO.

- It's all for normal p--

- You know what else I like?

"Impractical Jokers."

Now, that's my sh*t.

Can I get a amen

for the Jokers?

all:

Amen!

- [laughs]

- What is this church?

- There ain't no girls in here,

man.

- Man, well, at least ain't

wait in that long a*s line.

- It is dead as a coffin here,

n*gg*r.

- Yeah, 'cause there's no girls

in here.

- Man, you know girls show up

to the club late.

It's still early.

Plus, there's a couple girls

in here, if you look around.

- You know he ain't gonna talk

to them anyway.

- Who's not?

- You not!

- You.

- You crazy.

Point to any girl in here.

I'll go right up to 'em.

- What about them?

- Her, right there.

- Girl, you had to see it.

It was so tiny.

- Stop, stop.

- It was curled up

like a little shrimp.

[laughs]

I took a picture.

- Man, that b*tch lying, man!

- Who?

- Who, them?

- Wait till Black Twitter sees

this.

- Nobody, man.

You know what?

I don't even feel

like clubbing no more, man.

- You good?

- Yeah, yeah, it's all good.

- Yeah, I got to wake up early

tomorrow for church anyway.

- [together]

Church?

- Yeah, 'cause I need

forgiveness from the Lord

for what I'ma say

in my special.

You know what I'm saying?

- You talk that sh*t, n*gga.

- Special's gonna be crazy.

- You coming?

- No, no, no.

I'll catch up with you.

I got to handle something.

- You talking that G sh*t.

You better go and let 'em know.

- Y'all are crazy.

- Tell them jokes, boy.

- [laughs]

- Whoo! Wow.

[club music playing]

♪

- So Reggie, you wrote

that sketch.

- Mm-hmm.

I wrote it 'cause a friend told

me that happened to him.

- And he was a little insecure

about it.

- Yeah, he was insecure

as sh*t.

It wasn't me at all.

- No, no, that's never--

I've never been insecure

about my, uh

p*nis size ever.

- Yeah, my sh*t is cr--

my sh*t is crazy.

- So that's us.

We don't relate

to this problem.

- Psh, big dicks over here.

[both laughing]

- Man, you are so right.

If I want to be

an all-time great,

I gotta be able to take risks.

I gotta be able to say what

nobody else is willing to say.

- No, I didn't say any of this.

- And I mean, who cares

if I get canceled?

Probably just means I'm doing

something right.

- I don't know where you're

getting any of this.

- Thank you, man.

So do I give you, like, money

right now or?

- What?

- For my sins.

I don't know how confession

works.

- No, no, we don't turn down

donations,

but we don't charge.

- Yes.

- I will charge you penance.

- f*ck!

I meanshoot.

- How 'bout,

your first confession,

we'll start one Hail Mary.

- That's it?

- Do you know the Hail Mary?

- I mean, it's been a while,

but yeah, I know a little bit.

- All right, we'll do it

together.

- Okay.

- Hail Mary

- Come with me ♪

- full of grace.

- Hail Mary, n*gg*r ♪

Run quick, see ♪

- The Lord is with me.

- What do we have here now ♪

- Blessed are thou among w--

- Do you wanna ride or die

La da-da-da ♪

- Blessed is the fruit

of thy womb, Jesus.

- Da-da, da-da, da-da, ♪

I feel great.

- Well, then, go forth,

and sin no more, son.

- Thanks, son.

[upbeat music]

♪

- Yeah!

New York City!

How y'all feeling?

[cool music]

narrator:

He's controversial.

- I know I'ma get canceled

for this next thing

I'm about to say.

- He's not afraid to go there.

- I know the women gonna

walk out

when they hear this next joke

right here,

but I'ma say it.

- He's the wild man of comedy.

- I see a guy in a wheelchair

over there.

You might as well roll your a*s

out of here.

This is 'bout to be

a f*cked up show.

- And he's tackling

all the important issues,

like race

- White women, Koreans,

n*gg*r*s from Barbados.

What do you call 'em?

- Politics

- I mean, who even

is the president?

Nobody knows.

- And he's not afraid

to go there.

- Man, they might lock me up

for that last one.

I just confessed

to a very serious crime.

- He's Michael Che.

- [crying]

- Live from the sold out,

social distanced

Madison Square Garden.

- Madison Square Garden,

what's up?

[cheers and applause]

- Only on HBO Max.

It's not HBO.

It's HBO Max.

- I ain't a k*ller,

but y'all pushing me.

[upbeat music]

♪