01x05 - The Newsletter

[bunniefuu]

Tals, have you turned
the lights off downstairs?

Will you please stop nagging
me about the lights, okay?

I'm a grown woman.

When I leave the room, I don't
need to turn off all the lights,

I like rooms to feel illuminated.

It's not such a hard thing
to do, Tals.

You guys are really bad
with lights in this house.

Get some automated lights for once!

I am really enjoying
being back home.

But there is this weird thing
that happens to me whenever i'm here.

I just sort of regress back
to my teenage self.

Excuse me, I haven't seen
your Diesel jacket

since, like, 2001, okay?
I never took it.

You are pressing
my buttons.

Oh my God, Darren, if I trip over
one more of your bloody shoes...

- I've had enough!
- Okay, Tali. Tali...

I don't know why. Why would you
leave them at the door, babe?

- It's...
- We're not Japanese! My God!

Is this good for you?
What about this?

That's perfect, thank you.

And now?

- Talk to her.
- Go to your room, Tali.

I'm going back to Cape Town
at this rate.

- I can't anymore, babe.
- Just, Tals...

I'm losing my sh*t!
I'm losing my sh*t!

Ow! Ow! Ow!

I hate it here!

I think I behave like this
here because I can.

You know, this is a safe space.

Oh look, here are my sunglasses.
Ooh! My fancy sunglasses.

And I swear to God, Darren,
I will divorce you. I will.

And you won't get a cent, because
our ANC agreement is water tight.

My dad made sure of it.

- Ow, ow, ow!
- I'll let go if you let go.

I'll let go if you let go.

And we're always gonna forgive
each other no matter what.

I love you guys.

- Love you too, Tals.
- I love you too, Tals.

Howzit, guys? It's me, tali.
How are you?

I'm a joburg girl
living in cape town,

But now i'm moving back home
with the fam.

- Everybody say "Jozi"!
- Jozi!

This is my baby,
this is my childhood home,

And these are my girls.

Now that i'm back
in the city of gold,

I'm inviting you to
follow me on my journey.

This is my life,
and this is my joburg diary.

Swan lake #

Thank you for
these beautiful fish cakes, Tali.

It is my pleasure, Liz.
They are the best of the best.

And I know how much you love
fishy things.

I do. Would you like one?

Oh no thank you. The only fish
I eat comes from Willoughbys.

As you know, my plan
to send liz away on a cruise

Didn't quite work out.

So she's here to stay. Mm.

Which is fine, you know, because
I have decided to embrace it.

It is the only way.

You know what they say you cannot
bring the well to the donkey...

Or something like that, I don't know.

But i've decided to k*ll her
with kindness starting...

With these beautiful
homemade fish cakes,

Which aren't actually homemade.
I bought them.

- Ooh! Monique.
- Hello, Liz.

- Hello, Tali.
- Hello.

This is the info
that you'll need

for this week's newsletter.

Gosh, this is not very
exciting information, Monique.

Honestly, can't we just
jazz it up a bit?

- I've had some really good ideas.
- It doesn't need to be jazzed up,

Tali, it just needs to be
a newsletter email

that's easy for parents to read.

Nice and easy, Tali.

We've been doing it like this
for years.

Well that's probably why
nobody's read it in years,

but who am I to say?

Just leave the newsletter
as is please, Tali.

This is so boring.
This is so boring.

Who is gonna read this sh*t?

- Nobody.

Please, Liz, if you're gonna cough,

cough into your mask
or into your elbow.

This is a very tight space.

- Honestly.

Some people don't even realise

when something is dying
right in front of their eyes.

Liz?

Oh my God, Liz!

Quick, Ashley, call CSO

or whatever the hell
it's called in Joburg.

Hi, howzit? Rael Rosen
from Rael Estate Property.

Are you interested in
buying, selling...?

Howzit? How's it going?
Nice to see you. Beautiful man bun.

May I ask you quickly,

are you looking to buy, sell,
or rent in the market?

Taryn, what are you doing?
That one is for the floor.

There is no reason to be doing that.

Hi, how's it going? Hi, Rael Estate,
a commercial property broker...

Been a bit of a bumpy start.

People are struggling to latch
onto the concept,

But that's because
it's completely revolutionary.

And rome wasn't built in a day,
and neither was the sandton skyline.

Rael Rosen, takeaway property...

Oh is this for charity or...?

No, no, this is far from it.

Let's start with residential.
Whereabout do you live?

- I live in Sandton, ja.
- Sandton, okay.

Well I've got something
in upper Alexandra.

I would like to quickly
do a property game with you.

Do you live in the area?

Don't tell me where.
I'm gonna guess it.

Okay, now, I'm gonna go east.
I'm gonna go a little bit east here.

Are we talking Hyde Park
or are we talking Athol?

- Athol Oaklands.
- No.

I'm feeling.. Not Athol Oaklands.

So are you selling coffee
or real estate?

- Well it's both.
- Simultaneously.

So coffee and property.

Is it.. Is it Craighall Park?
Aah that's where it was.

- No.
- It was the "A". Not?

Not Craighall Park
around the corner from you?

- I could just tell you.
- No, please. No, this is my gift.

- Craighall Park...
- Sandton.

- Okay, Taryn.
- Yeah.

Sandton. Brilliant. I knew it.

People are also not appreciating
the time and effort

I'm putting into the foam art.

- It's a pomeranian.
- Thank you.

Hello, lady. It's a pomeranian.

- In the art. The foam art.
- Oh.

Well it's not a pomeranian anymore.
Now it looks like schnauzer.

No one cares about the foam
art, taryn, i've said that already.

They just want their coffee.

Well no one cares about
the property either it seems.

It'll come.
Just gonna take a little bit of time.

Thank you everybody for
being available at such short notice.

We do have some sad news.

Unfortunately Liz has gone into
anaphylactic shock,

and has been hospitalised.

It seems she was exposed to nuts
in some fish cakes

she brought to school.

And, as you know, we have
a strict no nut policy here.

But after years of not being exposed
to nuts,

it seems she, ironically,
developed a severe allergy.

So we're all going to have to
share Liz's responsibilities,

which I will inform you about
during the week. Mm?

Oh no, this is..
This is really terrible.

Tali, I'm really gonna need you
to step up in that newsletter role.

I will do whatever it takes to help.

It is such a shame because we were
just getting so close.

Who puts nuts in a fish cake.
What kind of a recipe is that?

But you know what,
as terrible as this incident is,

It's actually been a blessing
in disguise,

Because now I get to do whatever
I like with the newsletter.

Without liz's little disgusting
pilchardy hands

Getting all up in my beeswax.

Good start. I hate that chair.

Get the bin, Ashley. There are
pilchards all over this office.

Oh go, Ashley. Take it out!
Take it out!

Throw the plate away!

Okay, Tali, just take a deep breath,
but not too deep.

Chuck it.

Look at me. I'm beautiful.

Look how perfect. Me, me, me, me.

Chuck it!

Oh, Ashley, help me. Help me, Ashley.
I'm getting burnt. I'm getting burnt.

Thanks.

This kind of sh*t.. get rid of it!

Liz was a real hoarder.

Ashley! Now I found another
pilchards. Get it!

I can't even look at it.

Ashley, get it out
of here. Get it out of here.

I need some water, please, Ashley.

Oh God.

"Yesterday is gone. File the admin".
What the hell does that even mean?

Chucking it.

No one's gonna notice.
Just chuck them.

In fact,
let's just chuck this as well.

Help me, Ashley.

I'm sorry. Pilchard can. Isn't it?

This is a pilchard can.

This is old technology.
We can't have this kind of thing.

There we go. Take it away.

God knows what is in this.
Just get it away, Ashley!

Aah flat white with almond milk
for the lovely lady.

Wow,
you already know my order.

I do that with all my customers.

- No, he doesn't.
- Okay, Taryn.

Well I think this is
a really brilliant thing

- you've got going here.
- Why, thank you. We appreciate that.

- Here's your coffee...
- Here is your coffee

from us to you for free,
on the house.

Amazing! Is this a giraffe?

- It is clearly a p*nis.
- Okay.

- See you around.
- I will see you around.

- Did I just catch a vibe?
- Vibe. There's no vibe, okay, Taryn.

- You are literally staring at her.
- Okay.

I mean,
it's takeaway property.

I don't know why that's so hard
for people to understand.

It's not just coffee.

But I do love seeing you
behind that machine.

Do you?

That's what I find
so attractive about you.

You're just a simple guy
who sells coffee.

But that's not all I am,
of course. I'm...

You know what? You're right.

I'm just a simple coffee man
who loves to make coffee.

And a man without ambition
is just what I'm looking for.

It's so hot!

I've..
I've literally got no dream.

Especially 'cause my husband
is so stressed out

closing all those multi-million rand
deals.

Wait.. Husband?
You said you were separated.

We are, babes.

Don't worry about that.

Now where were we?

Talking about
my lack of purpose.

Swan lake #

Hi there. Do you have an
appointment with Mrs Shapiro?

No, I do not, but I'd very much
like to speak with her, please?

Okay,
let me check if she's available.

Hm.

You're in luck, she's got a gap.

- A gap?
- I'll send you through.

- You can follow me.
- She's got a gap.

This is ridiculous.

Tali,
someone here to see you.

Aw.
Hello, Monique, how can I help you?

Tali,
what have you done to Liz's office?

Aw, you see with Liz out the picture,
I mean, resting.

I just thought we could
spruce things up a bit.

Don't you think this office
needed a new energy?

I do, and can you smell that, guys?

That, my friends, is not
the smell of hideous pilchards.

That is the smell of the success
of the new newsletter.

Well I.. You know, Tali,
I really hope you cleared this up

with Barbara and the Board?

Because you.. you can't
change things around like this.

Okay. Well I did.

And I think you'll find this
is first of many, many changes

I intend to make, Monique,
so you better get used to it.

You have to excuse me now because
I have a newsletter to produce.

- Bye.
- To produce?

Yes. We taking it to the next level,
level 3.0.

Tali, stay in your lane!

I am class mom.
You're doing the newsletter.

It's plain and simple.

"I am class mom,
and you must do the newsletter."

Come on. If she can renovate
her face, we can renovate the office.

And now we are gonna renovate
the newsletter, Ashley.

We are starting again, guys.

We are starting again.

But, Ashley, I've actually..
So I've deleted something here.

I can't get it back, it's gone blank.

I don't know.

- What's that?
- No, that's.. Down there.

- You just minimised.
- Oh I minimised, I minimised.

People don't get
the takeaway property concept.

They just don't
understand it yet.

Every great business
was ahead of it's time.

It's the classic start-up story.

In fact, if this weren't happening,
I'd be worried.

Rejection is a guarantee of success.

I think you're right.

Apple, Airbnb, Uber,

no one understood those companies
at first, except maybe Gary V.

I think I just need to keep pushing.

That's right. It'll happen.

When do you think that might happen?

When the time's right. You'll see.

The right person will just
come along and they'll get it.

Ja, okay.

Also,
I think I might be having an affair.

What are your thoughts on that?

Rael, I think you just
need to ask yourself,

is this your highest choice?

Mm, ja, I think it is.
Don't see a problem there.

Thank you. Appreciate it, Daz.

Here's Tali.

Oh, Tals, this is for
this week's newsletter.

So won't you be a doll
and please put it in.

Aw, I'm afraid I can't do that.

The newsletter is already locked.
We busy with post.

If you wanted to make changes,

you needed to do so yesterday,
in writing. Sorry.

Post? What.. What are you
talking about, Tali?

Monique, you put me in charge
of the newsletter.

Please let me work, okay.

Guys,
watch your inboxes this Friday.

You're gonna love it.

- She's being so silly.
- Mm.

'Cause she'll obviously
put this in.

- Yeah.
- Ja, so she's just such a prankster.

Thanks.

Whoa, dude. Are you always
disrespecting your country like that?

- Excuse me?
- I made you a protea.

Oh sorry. Look, I actually
came down to find out

what are you guys doing here?

I mean, it feels like there's more
than just coffee going on.

Yeah, patriotism,
which you clearly have none of.

She's kidding.
She's a wannabe comedian.

Hi, Rael Rosen, Real Estate.
It's takeaway property.

So you're selling property
and takeaway coffee?

Bingo. Tell me, are you in the market
to buy, sell, or rent?

Well rent, actually.

We're busy expanding one of
my businesses,

so I am looking for 300 squares.

Taryn, ipad.

So I actually have a plethora
of options for you,

but I think you might like
this one in Marlborough.

- Let's take a look here.
- Just hang on.

So you're actually selling
takeaway property?

Uh.. ja.

This is genius. It's genius.

No one else thinks that.

Welcome to the little angels
digital playground.

A new take on the old newsletter.

No more paging through hours
and hours of hideous, boring content

That nobody can remember.

We've gone video, baby.

Remember, this friday is pyjama day.
So let your kiddos arrive

In their favourite jaamies,
gowns and slippers.

Please take note there is a lot
of lost property in the office.

Please make sure you collect it
before the end of term,

Otherwise it will be donated
to a worthy cause.

Oh i'm sorry, little girl,
please, go through. Go through.

Guys, please remember to give way to
those entering at morning drop-off

When you leave through
the bottom gate.

We are so happy to welcome
tyler chase and kyla lou

And their families to little angels.

The penguin class
can't wait to have you.

Thanks mrs b.

Please remember,
we are a nut aware school.

That means don't send any nuts,
or nut products,

In your children's lunch boxes.

We all saw what happened to poor liz.

We hope you're feeling better,
my girl.

This week's newsletter is proudly
brought to you by lift airlines.

Love you guys.

Catch you next week, same time,
same place for the newsletter.

- Oh my God,

- the newsletter, it's unbelievable.
- Thank you.

You are a real talent, hey?

And the skits, ah,
they are hilarious.

Tali, look.
Everyone remembered pyjama day.

- Ah, brilliant.
- Bravo, Tali. Bravo.

Thanks, guys. Love you guys.

You better not be watching
the newsletter, Stacey.

Of course not,
it's just a meme.

Mm.

Mm.
What's gotten into you today?

We got our first client.
Someone who actually understands

- what this business is about.
- That's great news.

Ja, I mean, this guy really gets it.
And he wants to help us scale.

Does that mean
you'll stop making coffee?

Oh no, no. I will always
be a simple man for you,

- with no ambitions whatsoever.
- Tell me more.

- I have no future.

Thanks, Ashley. Look at this.

See what I'm saying?

Product placement is everything.

Running ads in the newsletter

is really gonna add
to our revenue stream.

Did you see this?
I illustrated it yesterday.

Well what's this, Ashley?

I mean, I like it, I like it, but...

all these flowers
and plants and things,

- it's just making it look very messy.
- But...

- Go like this...
- Those are the illustrations.

Change it a bit.

Much better. Much neater.

Tali shapiro,

Please come to the principal's
office, tali shapiro.

Am I in trouble?

Oh my word, Ashley.
High school flashback.

That's all I'm gonna say.

Mrs B,
it's one thing to change the font,

but it's a whole 'nother thing
to make it a video production.

I don't know what
you're talking about, Monique.

People are going mad
over the digital playground.

Someone on social media,
called it "life changing".

Tali, how do you do that thing
where your clothes change like that?

- I mean, that's amazing.
- Oh it's like a transition thing

that people do on TikTok.
It's brilliant.

- Do you have TikTok?
- Mm-mm.

Okay, well let me show you.

- There's all the filters...
- I don't think you sh.. don't do it.

Okay, and then you
just swipe like that.

- Can we just please...
- This give you the options.

Let's focus, let's focus. Barbara,
let's please focus right now.

She hasn't even only disregarded
the newsletter,

she's even renovated the office.
Entirely, brand new.

- To be fair, it needed a facelift.
- It didn't need a facelift.

- It was fine the way it was.

And it didn't need
a cappuccino machine...

- There's a cappuccino machine?
- There is.

- Well done.
- See you at 14:00.

No, no, no 14:00. No, nothing.

I have just had
the most brilliant idea.

Let's do a TikTok dance together
for the upcoming newsletter!

- Oh I love that!
- The parents will go nuts.

- Oh.
- Just move this chair out

- the way for a little bit of space.
- Exciting!

- My TikTok debut.
- Okay. Oh and Ashley's very talented

with this kinda thing, by the way.

She's just unlocked all these
new filters so we can use them.

I'm also an illustrator.
I'm working on my first kid's book.

It's about fynbos fairies.

Thank you, Ashley. Can we keep
it about the filters, please.

Sorry.

Okay, so the whole thing with
TikTok is you just gotta have fun.

So let's start with this dance,
it goes like,

one, two, arm out, like you're
driving a car, like a steering wheel.

Then one, two, then together.

- One, two...
- Well done.

Pout a bit.

Tap. tap.

Put your hands on your hips
like this. Okay...

Yes, Barbara gets it.

But, Ashley, okay, you are
very talented at your drawings,

but honestly,
if I see that book one more time,

I'm going to lose my sh*t.

But you promised you'd help me
get it published.

And I will, Ashley. I will, okay?

But right now, the priority
is the newsletter, alright?

So do you wanna be
a poorly paid illustrator

living in a flat with a hundred cats,

or do you wanna be a PA to
a powerful businesswoman,

entrepreneur, and future class mom?

- Ah the PA one, I guess.
- That's what I thought.

Now please go and get me a freezo,
with sprinkles.

And not from Rael's weird tuk tuk.
Go somewhere proper.

Your hair looks uncharacteristically
messy today.

That's because of the wind, Taryn.
There's also wind in Joburg. Hello?

Strange,
because there is no wind today.

Your scent is more feminine
than usual.

That's because I changed
my fabric softener,

I think it was last Thursday,
to lavender.

You having an affair with that mom?

Now, why would you say that
out of all things?

If there's one thing I can smell,
it's illicit sex.

Nothing gets by this nose.

Well she's divorced,
so it's not even an affair.

Are you even sure about that?
Besides, you're distracted.

You haven't tried to sell
any property today.

Well that doesn't actually matter,

because we've got our
first potential investor

who believes in what
we're doing around here.

Well, Rael, you better shower,

because you smell like
Issey Miyake For Her.

It's quite nice actually.

- Hm.
- Hi, Monique.

I'm afraid Mrs Shapiro isn't in
at the moment.

Oh no, I didn't wanna speak
to Mrs Shapiro.

I was wondering if you and I
could have a chat.

- Okay.
- Mm.

You're extremely talented,
aren't you, Ashley?

I mean, it seems to me
that you're the engine room

behind this whole
rebranded newsletter.

Well I do know my way around
the social media trends and filters.

And you draw.

Yes, actually. I'm working on
my first children's book.

- I've always loved to draw.
- Beautiful. What a gift.

It would be a shame to let
all that talent go to waste.

You know, I do know a few people
in publishing, powerful people.

I could put you in touch with...

No, listen to me. I can't take you
away from the newsletter.

But if you do want
your dreams to come true...

I'm just a phone call away.

That is a beautiful autograph
you have there, sir.

Rael, I've gotta be honest with you,
I am excited.

I mean, I've got a lot of businesses,
you know, a lot of businesses,

but this has got me feeling amped.

Mm. Oh, and let me tell you,
you will not regret this, bud.

We are gonna revolutionise
this industry

one takeaway property at a time.

- Boom, my friend.
- Boom.

Too soon?

- Daddy.
- Baby, hi.

Mm.

Rael, this is my beautiful family.

Guys, I just signed the
most exciting business deal.

It's all thanks to Uncle Rael.

Yay.

Hm. A little bit of
airbrushing never hurt anyone.

Ashley, please do not surprise me.

I have told you,
I'm extremely jumpy at the moment.

Oh. You're not Ashley. Look, Monique,

I'm not gonna stop what I'm doing
with a newsletter, so you can...

Tali, I'm not here to stop you.

I really don't know
why I reacted the way I did.

So I came here to tell you
that I saw the newsletter again,

and I actually think it's
a very well-done production.

Wow. Well thank you,
that actually means a lot,

and I'm glad that you finally get it.

I do.

Ah, Ashley, thank God.
I've been hellishing for a freezo.

Thank you, Ash.

Anyway,
it was so good to see you, Tals,

and I can't wait to see
the next edition of the newsletter.

Come, let's go see the editor
about your children's book.

This girl, sjoe,
she is so talented. Wow.

What the actual f*ck
is happening right now?