04x08 - All I Have Is How I Feel

[bunniefuu]

(SCREAMING)

Mac Hinkley. Owen's GP.

What you don't know about

is his mass cell activation syndrome.

Owen has MCAS?

I've been taking a hormone

therapy to stimulate ovulation.

You're trying for a baby.

Did you change your

mind about having a kid?

- My body changed it for me.

- I heard Novak's gone AWOL.

- Yeah.

- I think we should use this

as a reason to move

him out of Trauma OR.

If you have pain, Claire,

that pain should be managed.

I don't understand why'd you

even come back to this place.

- What interview?

- St-Agnes.

They offered me everything.

And then I got this feeling

that it wasn't for me.

Claire told me that she

and Bishop used to mock me

for being a naive little idiot.

Well, I fell in love with that idiot.

I guess that makes you an idiot, too.

I guess so.

(OPENING THEME)

(UPBEAT MUSIC)

- This is effective when, June?

- Four weeks.

Cleveland.

They're gonna be the only hospital

in the Midwest with a Trauma OR.

They're using ours as a model,

except it's gonna be bigger

with three operating theatres.

How long have you been speaking?

Well, it all happened really fast.

They reached out a week ago,

I accepted the offer yesterday.

So multiple ORs, and they're hiring

fellows to run surgical teams.

Their team leaders are already in place,

I'm just coming on as a staff surgeon.

And why would you leave an

arrangement where you have

a supervisory role to

be just another body?

Wait, wait, don't tell me. Money.

We have invested a lot in

your development, Dr. Curtis.

And this, uh

This leaves us in the lurch.

I figured Mark Novak

could easily step in

That's not an option.

Okay.

- The zipper won't shut.

- Just come eat.

- We'll fix that later.

- I can't go if it doesn't fit.

Amira, I know two months sounds

like a really long time, but

Did you know one third of

London died of the plague?

That was like 400 years ago.

It's one of the most haunted by

ghosts cities in the world, too.

There are subway stations

people literally avoid.

- Was this a bad idea, Bashir?

- Yeah, you're right.

- I'll call Mr. Redican now.

- Wait

Or you can just

take the flight, and if for

whatever reason you hate it,

up to and including

ghosts and the plague,

- you remember our deal?

- You'll always come get me.

Always. Are you hungry?

I made my world famous pancakes.

(IN ARABIC)

Oh, here.

Mags left you something.

It's an expensive face serum.

Don't tell her I ruined the surprise.

I'm missing your graduation

from residency on Friday.

Hey, it's okay.

We'll celebrate when you get back, okay?

Hmm? Now go eat, we'll

make sure it fits.

(GENTLE MUSIC)

(SIRENS WAILING)

Pick a card, any card.

Not with your hurt one.

I heard we have a broken finger.

Owen?

They were busy at registration.

Samuel's mom had to make a call,

and I could tell he was scared.

Well, I see my resident

here's already got you started.

Um We'll be right back, okay, Sam?

Six of hearts, am I right?

Owen. Why aren't you in school?

The air pollution's bad today

and that's definitely an MCAS trigger.

And did you text Mac

because your GP should know?

- How'd you even get here?

- I started feeling

breath stuff and itchy

arms. The streetcar sucked.

Everybody was eating something

or smelled like something.

Did you know Mac says

I still can't drive

when I'm 16 because it's not safe?

Okay, look. I know you

don't love the waiting room,

but we have a cue here

for a reason, buddy.

I was scared. I texted you, Theo.

You did? Because I forgot

to charge my phone overnight

so it's plugged in somewhere.

Okay, let's sit down in here, okay?

Shouldn't be too loud in

here. We can do our drill.

Arms out.

Alright, no hives or rashes.

No swelling.

Other side.

Breathing sounds good, buddy.

Guy at that desk is eating a sandwich.

Well, no problem because pretty

sure you're good to go, pal.

Last time, your mom told

me to put you on a Uber.

You're kicking me out? And

those cars aren't safe for me.

- The last driver was a smoker.

- I'm sorry, Owen.

Look, I will drive you

to school in one hour.

That is more than

enough time to figure out

if there's gonna be a reaction, okay?

You know, it never fails to amaze me

how quickly people go to just

caring about how things affect them.

(CHUCKLE)

I mean, did you expect

her to be happy about it?

Sorry, just, uh Lou, do you mind

dimming the lights over the chairs?

The kid's scanning the room

like he's The Terminator.

Has SPD and gets life-threatening

allergic reactions to lots of stimuli.

- Yeah, no problem, Theo.

- Thanks.

Cleveland's only five hours away.

Four, the way I drive.

(INDISTINCT RADIO ANNOUNCEMENT)

Hi. You missed morning espresso time.

Yeah, yeah, I was restless at like five.

Her plane just pulled out of the gate.

I'm getting a play-by-play.

Ah, yeah, there was a

small moment of panic

right before we got to the airport.

But as soon as we found

her group, she was happy.

Oh, well, speaking of

being happy at airports.

Uh-huh. Oh, sorry. (PHONE RINGING)

That'd better not be

her changing her mind.

Hey. Salaam alaikum, Saleh.

W'alaikum al-salaam, Mags.

Amira just left this

morning so we're processing.

How is he handling that?

Actually, better than you

and I expected it, I think.

I'm ending this meeting right now.

- Mags is very busy.

- Goodbye.

And important.

(IN ARABIC)

She asked me to, but that means

me learning French,

and, uh I'm not sure.

(IN ARABIC)

Wait, you're moving?

(IN ARABIC)

I know you offered to

sponsor us to Canada.

Thank you.

We did really consider it.

Yeah, Gaziantep's, uh

it's a nice place to live.

Did you ask security

to lower overhead lights

for a pediatric patient

and also watch him?

Um, lights, yes, but I

never said to watch him.

- It's Owen, why?

- The kid slipped off.

What? I literally just left him?

Lou's worried he messed up,

and also, Owen's not registered.

Yeah, we have a routine.

I get him out fast.

- Cover me while I go find him.

- Theo, you have patients.

Owen has been dealt more

hardship than anyone deserves.

Alright, he lost his

dad, he's in constant

terror learning his MCAS triggers.

- This system is not set up to help him.

- What about his mother?

Uh, she's around,

just overwhelmed by the challenge.

You almost lost your

job ignoring the rules.

You try colouring inside the lines for

all of five minutes before putting me,

your direct supervisor, in the

role of having to let you do

whatever you want just

because you and me are

- whatever we are.

- Wait, are you saying

I've taken advantage of my

boss being my girlfriend?

Am I even your girlfriend, Theo?

How would I know? You

make all the rules,

I'm just supposed to do as I'm told.

Then tell me what you

want instead of constantly

straining against the structure here

and dumping all of your

confusion into your patients.

Alright, fine, okay?

I will call his GP, are you happy?

- Wanna talk about that? Okay.

- I really don't.

Hey, I was thinking Chicago.

Like an Al Capone walking

tour and live music.

- You two going away?

- Yeah, we're talking about it.

Or we can rent a cottage and get

you a true Canadian lake experience.

Those are both great options, but

C'mon, stage one rejection

is common for almost

every heart recipient.

- Mags, how long have you been in stage one?

- Not long. And we've adjusted meds,

we wouldn't be going that

far, and I don't want this

- to get in the way.

- Look, I agree

- with what you're saying, but

- Mags?

Um, all my patients' painkiller scripts

and notes on why they're needed.

You don't have to show your

math for my sake, Claire.

- Actually, I do.

- I have a second, Claire,

if you want me to take care of the meds.

Claire?

I just wanted to let you know

that we're paying for

a year of counselling.

I didn't realize that union caps at 500.

Does that mean admin knows?

About the request, but

not why it was made.

Um, I was wondering what

are you reporting obligations

with the college of nurses?

In your annual licence renewal,

you're asked to

self-report, but what you

choose to say or not say is up to you.

You really think that's the right call?

Claire, this department needs you.

So do I.

Dr. Devi.

I'm sorry, I know that Novak

wasn't your first choice.

I just loathe that man.

If you had come to me sooner,

we could've gone to Olsen together.

Transition already in

place, but the way it is now,

he just expects me to

beg Mark to come back.

Look, I know that this

is personal for you,

but I never agreed to push

him out in the first place,

and I did come to you about that.

I'm moving to Cleveland.

- Yeah.

- Like for life?

This big fancy private

hospital recruited me.

- Congrats, June.

- Thanks.

Yeah, they have, like, three operating

theatres, and a new Trauma OR so

You can't just rip us apart.

- I never said we would.

- Stop pulling, Paul.

I'm not pulling, you're twisting.

- Uh, Rhoda, what?

- They're stuck.

Yeah, I can see that, but why?

I'm fixing up a bedroom in the house.

Veda touched the glue,

and then touched me.

Even though, I told her not to.

Okay, well, can we walk them to a room?

We tried with wheelchairs,

but it's hard to time it without

Ripping off a whole mess of skin.

Paul, maybe if you lie back, and Veda,

- you can stand facing him.

- No, no, no.

Veda should lie down,

she's got health problems.

Oh, so you're chivalrous now

after chucking out

45 years of marriage?!

- What kind of health problems?

- On meds for bum kidneys.

And moving bedrooms is not

chucking out our marriage.

Okay, let's just switch positions here.

Okay, slowly, careful. Okay, okay,

and one, two, three

Perfect, carefully.

Pharmacy was out of acetone

so I had to raid internal.

Well, the internet said to try

mayonnaise, but it didn't work.

And then, Paul's chest started hurting.

Do you mean his skin? Because

some people have a reaction

Oh, no. It's inside like

a tight band's across it.

And my heart's racing.

You didn't tell us you

were having chest pain?

His rate is fast and irregular.

Do you have a history of heart problems?

- No.

- Maybe the chemical

in the adhesive that's

acting as a stimulant?

BP's 95 over 65.

But he he's gonna be okay, right?

Dr. Hamed's gonna pour the acetone now.

It's like nail polish remover.

It usually works with glue.

(HEAVY BREATHING)

Alright, now, gently try

to separate yourselves.

- No, it's no good.

- Careful.

- I need to lie down

- Paul!

- Paul!

- He's in AFib?

- Arnold, page cardiology.

- Yup.

Wait, is he dying? Can you help him?

His heart rhythm is unstable.

We're gonna shock and try and reset him.

Except can we even do that

while they're still attached?

We don't have a choice, but

she could get a big jolt.

Charging 200.

- What are you waiting for?

- We're just not sure

of the effect that it will have on you,

but there's definitely a risk here.

I don't care. Just help him!

- (BEEPING)

- Alright, clear.

- (THUMP)

- Look out.

Okay, okay, okay. Mags, are you

Where's Veda?

- Lie back, sir, lie back.

- Veda?

- Veda, can you hear me?

- Pulse is good.

Okay, we're gonna

need vitals, blood gas.

Bedside glucose, IV bolus, and ECG stat.

Arnold, have dialysis on standby, ASAP.

Copy.

- Are you okay?

- Yeah.

- You paged?

- Here she is.

Dr. Curtis, this is Margot.

Margot had elective

rhinoplasty last week,

and she discovered that

she has von Willebrand.

It's a bleeding disorder.

Usually, a mild one.

Until things spiralled out of control,

she ended up in ICU where we met.

I'm better now. And apparently,

my nose will be perfect.

Which is where you come in, Dr. Curtis,

because it was supposed to be twofer.

The surgeons were supposed

to take out her tonsils

at the same time, but when the

bleeding started, they reneged.

Which is understandable.

For the cowardly, yes, but I

told Margot that that's not you.

I see.

So you want me to remove

her tonsils in Trauma OR.

They're aberrantly large.

And all I see when I look at myself.

No, absolutely not.

It's okay, it's okay.

I got it, I got it.

June Um, June.

Do you want me to take on this dumb

risk all because you miss Trauma OR?

Or I'm trying to help you get used

to being guided by profit motive.

I see, so word travels fast.

But is this your way of

I treated her during her recovery.

Her sleep apnea is serious.

She needs constant CPAP,

and Trauma OR was

built to solve problems

that the bureaucracy can't

and, you know, end of story.

- End of story?

- Yeah.

So those are your only

thoughts on me leaving?

World's largest rubber

stamp is in Cleveland.

(IN ARABIC)

Sorry, too fast for me.

Nothing, we were just, uh Nevermind.

Plus, staying on top of stress,

never easy during those

early months in a new country,

I get it, but I'd be here to help

in any way that I could, okay?

Then, you have room in

your practise, doctor?

Elliot. And I don't

have my own practise,

I rotate between walk-in clinics,

but if Madiha texts me when

she lands, we'll sort it out.

- Thank you, gentlemen.

- Yeah.

(IN ARABIC)

Hey, um How come you

never joined a practise?

Oh, uh

I wanted time at home

when the kids were little,

and the freedom to go overseas

with the Red Cross when I could.

Certainly not the path to wealth.

That wasn't about you

stress in those early months.

- Um, thanks for taking her on.

- Yeah.

You can do it with me.

- Be her doctor?

- Yeah.

I won't have a place to

practice in a few weeks.

Well, I could stand to

offload some walk-in hours,

and I don't know. This

kind of community medicine

seems like the type of

work that you'd be drawn to.

Elliot, I know I'm still

going to need to make a living,

but I wasn't asking.

Of course not.

Old habits.

(EMOTIONAL MUSIC)

Plastics is optimistic

about our superglue couple.

How's the wife?

Getting set up for

dialysis. Her kidneys failed.

Is that because of the shock?

I notice you skipped a beat

when we shocked that woman,

is that like a stage

one rejection situation?

Yeah, they upped my meds, but

they don't seem to be worried.

Novak has a patient

with a bleeding disorder.

He wants me to take her

tonsils out in Trauma OR.

He says it's a medical thing,

she says it's a cosmetic thing,

and I'm pretty sure

that he just wants me

to go in there and mess

things up because he

Are we seriously not

gonna talk about this?

Like, do I really have

to do the emotional work

- for everyone in my life?

- Okay, just calm down, alright.

I get it, you're upset that I'm leaving.

No.

I'd support anything you wanted,

but the fact that you would

do this without even telling me

that you were considering it

They called, and then the

next day, they made the offer.

- What would you even have said?

- I would have asked you

how you were feeling about

the pregnancies not taking.

Not good.

What do you want me to say?

If you're suggesting that that's

why I took the job, Mags

June.

Biology is random and cruel.

You can't blame yourself for that.

Of course, you'd say that.

You get things that I don't.

- Look, biology screwed me, too.

- It's not what I mean.

I'm talking about connection and love.

Those things come to

you, and I wanna believe

- that I can have them, too, but

- Yeah, well, you do.

And as someone who does love you, June,

if this job is what you want, great.

But if you're just running, don't go.

Paul, your heart rhythm is normal now,

but it would probably be a good idea

to get on beta blockers. So

we'll refer you to a cardiologist.

And, uh, what about Veda?

She's never needed dialysis before.

Well, uh, a few years ago,

they told me that my

kidneys had reduced function.

And I had to have a stent put in.

Unfortunately, Veda,

you're going to need

outpatient treatment for

the foreseeable future.

- Which means what?

- Frequent dialysis,

additional medication,

lifestyle adjustments at home.

I, um Is it maybe, you know,

worth considering some kind of

Well, assisted living situation.

What, another bedroom isn't far enough?

What, you'd rather just

push me into a home?

What if you need more

than I can give?!

- Maybe we should go.

- Wait, wait.

Dialysis appointments are a lot, right?

Paul, stop, please!

(SIGHS)

I've been feeling this

from you for a long time.

Why can't you just admit I'm

not what you want anymore?

Fine.

But I never wanted to hurt you.

I thought maybe if I

just had some space.

(MACHINE BEEPING)

Your cycle's over, Veda.

You two should go.

Amira lands in 45 minutes.

Oh, don't pretend you haven't

been tracking her flight.

- Just trying not to think about it.

- It's okay if you have, though.

Look, about our trip.

It's not that I don't

want to go, it's just

The truth is, not when I'm

about to be out of a job.

Then, let me pay.

Oh, what, does that offend

your fragile male ego?

No. No, it's not about

the money or my ego.

It's the uncertainty.

Can we just do it when I'm more sorted?

Sure.

Like, really, are you upset?

Because I know I'm being dumb,

it's just how my brain works.

- Bashir.

- And I'm trying

It's fine.

It's probably smarter for

me to stay close to home

these days anyways, so

Yeah, and with Amira away,

we have all the freedom in the world.

I just got a new family.

No, I'm not ready to be an empty nester.

Well, at least you and

I are glued together.

- Oh

- That's That's funny, right?

- (LAUGHING)

- That's good.

Owen is not at school, he is not home,

he is not answering his phone.

He's annoyed because I made him leave.

There's more. His school

says he hasn't been in a week.

I know he hates it, but he's signing in

- at his homeroom, and then

- So his mother doesn't find out.

They're talking about

calling Children's Aid.

If that kid gets into the system

It'll k*ll him. Look, I'll drive around

- the neighbourhood a few times.

- I'll do it.

We were making progress

before you got involved.

This whole ridiculous idea

of getting a driver's licence.

Look, you and I met after Owen jumped

off a cliff to try and hurt himself.

How much progress were you making?

Mac, I think he took my car keys.

- He knows where I park.

- Oh, Theo, what the hell!

Look, I've only got a minor burn

and an asthma kid waiting in handoff.

- Keep an eye on them for me?

- Your patients?

I don't work here.

If I went looking for Owen,

neither of us would be

risking our licences.

That's why he comes to me.

Because he knows I will

do whatever I need to.

If you want him found,

Mac, just have my back.

(INDISTINCT PA ANNOUNCEMENT)

- Stop messing with her.

- What now, Leblanc?

Well, maybe you're not aware

of it, but she did everything

she could to save you from yourself.

And she looks up to you. And

you're using that to, what,

get her to kick the door on her way out.

And all of that to make

yourself feel better

about ruining the one good

thing you had going on here.

You should be her friend

or leave her alone.

(INDISTINCT PA ANNOUNCEMENT)

(CLEARS THROAT)

(SOFT MUSIC)

- Hey, you good?

- Yeah, where are you going

- looking all stressed out?

- This app is supposed

to GPS locate my car, but it just

keeps spinning and doing this.

- You lost your car?

- No, a teenage patient stole it.

It's a long story. I just

I want him to be okay.

Well, if you want your GPS to work,

your location services have to be on.

(CHUCKLES)

Thank you.

So Last week as a medical resident.

- Congratulations, Bashir.

- Thank you.

I'm also graduating

from being a patient.

- Oh?

- It occurred to me

that I won't have extended medical

insurance to cover our sessions.

And, you know, I didn't want

to take advantage of our dynamic

by asking you for any favours so

I deserved that.

I want you to know,

though, I'm impressed

that you've kept coming

to our regular sessions

after we course corrected.

Yeah Can I ask you a question?

Absolutely. Get them all in

while somebody else is still paying.

Will I ever feel like a regular person?

Hmm. I guess it depends on

what you mean by that question.

I'm not sure I can explain it.

I know that facing an uncertain future,

it's got you feeling in your head.

My My friend Saleh,

we grew up together

and I left, he stayed.

Now he has a medical outreach

job in a nice town in Turkey,

and hearing that affected me.

Because part of you

still wants that life?

No, that's not exactly it.

And don't tell me it's never wrong

to feel my feelings

because sometimes it is.

(LIGHT CHUCKLE)

- What?

- It's just,

from where I sit,

it's evident all the work

that you've been doing

to get to this place.

And just so you know, extended

medical insurance or not,

in case of an emergency,

you can always call.

See, that's what I meant.

People thinking they need to save me.

- I hate it.

- Well, in that case,

- call and I'll send you a bill.

- (LAUGHING)

(CARS HONKING)

(WORRIED CHATTER)

What is this? Owen!

- Is this your vehicle, sir?

- (OWEN SCREAMING)

- Yes!

- Sir, don't do that.

He's lucky I saw him before he

k*lled someone behind the wheel.

You gotta let him out of here.

He has a medical condition.

Dispatch, we might need

an ambulance. Standby.

- (OWEN SCREAMING)

- Hey, guys. Clear the area.

Hey, don't do that. Step

back from the vehicle.

- (CRYING)

- It's okay, Owen, I'm here. It's okay.

I just wanted to prove I could

I'm sorry.

- Owen? Owen?

- What's happening to him?

He's having an allergic reaction

to something in your cruiser.

It's probably the food.

Just give me a second to get him stable,

and then we'll get him to a hospital.

- (MOANING)

- We got this, right, bud?

(PAINFUL GROANING)

Alright. Just breathe.

- Breathe.

- (DRY BREATHING)

(INDISTINCT PA ANNOUNCEMENT)

(SOFT MUSIC)

- Hey. You worked it out?

- Ha!

She glued us back together

while I was sleeping.

I came in to check on

him, and there it was.

- Why?

- I panicked.

The thought of being

alone with everything.

I never said I was

walking out of your life.

I'll still be around to help.

We can't unsay what's been said.

Well, maybe I wish I

hadn't pushed so hard.

Well, maybe things will be

better now that the truth is out.

Well, we will, uh, find

someone to get you guys unstuck.

(LAUGHING)

Uh, hey, Mags, um I've

I've changed my mind about the cottage.

I think it's close

enough to home for you,

and it's a good idea for

us to get away for a while.

And for me to clear my head. And

You know, at first, it was

the uncertainty, but now I'm

Really? You would let me pay?

Um when it's you offering,

it doesn't feel like charity so

- Good. Because it isn't.

- I know.

And at the risk of pushing it too far,

what if you let me pay for rent, too?

Just for however long it takes

for you to clear your head.

Part of me wonders, what if

instead of looking for a job,

I open a clinic.

That's Yeah, but

Like, what kind of a clinic?

Mag, wait, are you in pain?

Uh, it's just usual

discomfort is up like 20%.

My BP was also low earlier.

I thought maybe I'd just run

it by Viri just to be safe.

Yeah, it's a good idea.

- Would you come with me?

- Of course.

Owen is stable. They're

on their way back.

He'll need a bed for tonight.

You obviously know that someone else

would have sat on Theo's patients.

Why open yourself up

to this kind of risk?

Oh, he made a pretty strong case.

And I can't help but notice you

haven't exactly ratted us out.

Guess we're both in the

business of enabling Theo.

I admit to seeing a bit of myself

in him, but what's your excuse?

(SIRENS WAILING)

Did you miss a dose of tacrolimus?

No, my whole life revolves

around that stupid pill alarm.

She's never more than

a few minutes late.

- Even when she's on shift.

- Are you seeing a higher level

of lymphocyte infiltration?

Your white count is elevated,

but you're still stage one.

Okay, so I am overreacting.

Not necessarily. And

I trust your instincts.

So I'll switch you

to the 12-hour tacro,

and I'll add a pulse

of high dose steroids

as a preventative measure.

- Prednisone gives her heartburn.

- Prednisone gives me heartburn.

- (CHUCKLES)

- I can tack on a PPI.

Just another pill to remember.

Should we discuss admission

just for a day or two

to get us over this bump?

Not yet. If it gets worse, we can talk.

But I'm comfortable sending you home

since you both know what to look for.

Cough, shortness of breath, chills.

Fever, swelling, ascites.

We'll do a repeat echo tomorrow

and another biopsy in a week

when the meds take effect.

No work until this is under control.

If you feel anything new or different

- We'll call.

- You'll come in.

And they'll page me and your surgeon.

Should she be on her portable ECG?

Because she's had trouble

with arrhythmia before.

That's not the worst idea.

I know you hate this, Mags, but

Yeah, to go through all

this just to be here, it's

But it's okay, it's okay.

It's better to be sure.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

I'll be back in about a

half an hour to check on him.

What are you still doing here?

I should be asking you that.

Uh I mean, I work here.

Why though? All the

rules, the bureaucracy.

You don't have any space to be

the kind of doctor you wanna be.

Yeah, and what kind is that?

You're a born family doctor.

I know because so am I.

Look, you should take

over my family practise.

- So I can retire.

- Whoa, Mac, that

No, you were right. Owen trusts

you because you fight for him.

I don't have that fight anymore.

I wasn't sure anyone still did.

Okay, but you don't understand.

I turned down a family

practise to be here.

Well, maybe it wasn't

right for you then.

But it is now.

At least, give it some thought.

Look, you barely know me.

You have no idea what's right for me.

Liz does though.

And she feels the same way.

(GENTLE MUSIC)

(EXHALES)

Hey. Do you need anything?

No.

I think I'm just gonna

go get some water.

- Do you want me to do it?

- No, that's fine.

You have an early shift tomorrow.

I'll just go watch something in

Amira's room if I can't sleep.

Okay.

(FACETIME RINGING)

(IN ARABIC)

(WATER POURING)

(INDISTINCT PHONE CONVERSATION)

(SIGHS)

It's morning in London.

Still nothing from the boss?

Not since that bloody airport selfie.

Well, that's good, right?

That means that she's having

fun and forgot all about us.

Yeah, because if Amira was not okay

My parents like to say that

they only ever hear from me

- when I need to complain.

- That's not true.

You check in with them all the time.

I guess I should trust Amira

to let me know she needs me.

Hey, uh, that couple with the glue,

do you get the sense they fell

apart slowly or all at once?

Well, they were incapable of facing

the hardest truths between them.

The idea of you paying

rent, it bothers me.

I know.

You never answered my

question. About a clinic.

Yeah, uh, I referred Elliot a patient,

- and he suggested I take her on.

- Mmm.

There is an empty office I've

walked by a hundred times so

But if it doesn't work out,

it'd be such a huge risk,

and I don't know, I'm torn.

- Bash

- Mmm.

Torn is okay.

(DISTANT SHOUTING)

And like clockwork,

the past three nights.

Three A.M. existential scream.

Yeah, if it escalates to violence,

- I'm not going out there.

- Not gonna make a chest tube

with a shard of broken beer

bottle and a plastic straw?

Something's not right.

No, your readings were in range.

I know, I just still feel off.

- (EXHALE)

- (BEEP)

- I hear some fluids.

- 38.

That's up there

considering the steroids.

You think we should go in?

- Yeah, okay.

- I'll call an ambulance.

Can't we just drive?

Okay, I'll text Viri.

(PHONE RINGING)

(FLUID DRIPPING)

(MONITORS BEEPING)

(SIRENS WAILING)

Might as well get a head start.

Where were you even stashing that?

Under the bed.

Good thing you never

clean or sweep or tidy up.

What does that say?

60% chance of showers.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

They're here.

(RIPPING VELCRO OFF)

(DOOR OPENS)

Good evening, sir, you called 911?

Yeah. Bash, c'mon. She's inside.

Mags is six months post-op

from a heart transplant.

We're just being extra cautious here.

(INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER)

Hey, Mags, I'm Lori, this is Derek.

Bash tells us you're a

heart transplant patient?

- Uh-huh.

- Where's your team at?

Memorial CICU.

We're gonna take your vitals, okay?

Rate's 165, BP is 90 over 75.

Temp's 38.1. We're ED doctors.

- Both at Memorial?

- (BOTH): Yes.

But we promised not to get

in your way or anything.

You wanna tell us what happened?

I've been at level one rejection

for, um a couple of weeks.

But today, I've been increasingly off.

(CLEARS THROAT) Chest pain,

increased heart rate.

Tonight, fever, chills, dizziness.

We called ahead. Her

team will meet us there.

Okay. We better get moving then.

We're gonna help you

up on the stretcher.

No, I can do it.

(EXHALES)

(SIRENS WAILING)

(MONITOR BEEPING)

Do you want me to call your family?

I texted Cam already.

My parents are in Sicily, remember?

Right. Their reunification trip.

You know, they both told me separately

that my heart got them back together.

Like some bad romance novel. (CHUCKLES)

- (ACCELERATED BEEPING)

- Pressure's dropped slightly.

Bash?

I don't regret any of it.

Mags, stop.

It doesn't go that way, not that fast.

We both know it sometimes does.

And all I have is how I feel.

- No, wait, listen

- No, you listen.

I believe in you.

And you can do whatever you want.

(MONITOR BEEPING)

When we get there,

they'll adjust your

meds, up your steroids.

They know how to treat this.

(SIRENS WAILING)

We've increased the steroids.

And immunosuppressants.

We'll start prophylactic antimicrobials.

If we don't see results in the

next hour, we'll recalibrate.

Yeah, when we went to bed,

she was tired but fine,

and then, when her fever started

It's possible she picked up an infection

that's exacerbating things.

I should never have let her go home.

- Bashir

- Would you guys either

come in here or talk louder?

I was about to tell Bashir

that the twenty minutes it took

to get here wouldn't have

changed where we are now.

What's the plan?

Your lungs are struggling a little.

I know. My SATS are crap.

One option is CICU and intubate

to mitigate the risk of sepsis.

It would take stress off the lungs

and help the meds do their work.

Are you suggesting to do that now?

Not concretely.

Waiting to see how you respond

to the infusion is another option.

Intubation and CICU.

I mean

I don't want to, but

I feel like I need to.

Then I'll get the wheels in motion.

Thank you.

Do you want another blanket

or some ice chips or anything?

If they're gonna intubate me,

I need to tell you something.

Okay.

I really hated you

the first night we met.

(CHUCKLING)

You were so confident in your instincts.

I was jealous.

I had never trusted myself like that.

You do now, though.

I'll talk to work and

make sure all your shifts

are covered for the

next couple of weeks.

I think it's gonna be longer than that.

Let's just take it as it comes.

Hmm?

- Hi.

- Hi.

- I'm scared.

- I know. I'm here.

Your SATS just ticked up.

It's probably the meds working.

Good.

You know, if you're not

sure about the intubation,

wait and see is still an option.

- I'm sure.

- Okay.

Would it be weird if

Cam slept in Amira's room

for a couple of nights?

If she wants to come and be helpful,

and I don't want you being my nurse?

No, that's fine.

You can rest if you want.

I've got you.

(MOANING)

- What is it?

- (MONITOR BEEPING RAPIDLY)

I don't know.

- She's in V-tach.

- Um, do you have lidocaine?

Yeah. On it.

Mags?

We're almost there, Mags.

They're going to help you.

Mags!

- Mags?

- What happened?

V-tach. It came on quickly.

Get her into B, attach pads, call RT.

On it.

(HIGH-PITCHED RINGING)

(MUFFLED BEEPING)

Charge. Everyone clear.

(THUMP)

No change. 26 minutes.

Again. Charge.

Clear.

(THUMP)

No change.

Again. Charge.

- Clear.

- (THUMP)

Stop contracting.

Wait, uh Why isn't

anyone doing anything?

I'm so sorry, Bashir.

Why? What happened?

The arrhythmia stopped her heart.

We shocked and did many rounds of CPR,

but despite all of our efforts,

we were unable to save her.

(SAD MUSIC)

Are you telling me she died?

I'll give you some time.

(♪♪)

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)