05x01 - Bridezilla

[bunniefuu]

[man] And for some,
it can seem a bit over the top,

but I think it's quite tasteful.

And then we get to the final touch
and the highlights.

-Doves. Yeah?
-[Pørni] What do you mean, doves?

[man] So, we're releasing some doves.

You two say yes
to each other on my signal,

and then we release 250 doves.

-[gasps]
-[man] That will fly behind you.

That'll be lovely.

You go out to the gardens,
and you're wedded now.

-Mm-hmm.
-And the Silver Boys will sing, um...

"The Power of Love" by Céline Dion,
accompanied by a string quartet.

And so, bam!
The ceremony's over, and the party starts.

-Oh my, how fantastic. Just amazing.
-[man] It is, isn't it?

But you're not as enthusiastic?

Oh yeah, but I...

I thought you wanted to have it
a little more intimate and personal.

But, um, doves? Is it animal-friendly?

It sounds expensive
with the Silver Boys Choir.

Money is no issue here for me, no.
This is a celebration of life.

My daughter is thinking
about her inheritance.

No.

In my generation, people have taken out
loans to enjoy their last years.

Leaving a large sum is no longer
the only thing that's appropriate.

So, you're leaving a load of debt instead?

-Hmm... [chuckles]
-[laughs]

[man] I'll get the tuxedos
while you two have a chat.

Don't you think Stephen's
got an opinion on all that?

Stephen has placed his full trust in me.

You don't need to be
in the event committee

if you can't be supportive.

I am supportive, but I didn't realise
that you two wanted a wedding like that.

Oh, and "Power of Love"?

That's Jennifer Rush.
It isn't Céline Dion, Dad.

I have so much respect for Céline Dion.

Especially after she came out
about that syndrome of hers.

I thought you were more
of a Bob Dylan type.

I have two white tuxedos here
for you, and this is your one.

And it's sewn in five centimetres
from your measurements.

Oh, yeah. Stephen must not see,
so hide it in there.

I'm sorry, but isn't the point of
a tailored suit that it fits the person?

I'll have slimmed down
into that by August.

Dad, you have to stop worrying about
losing more weight. You're fine.

Can you just go and get a coffee?
And Poppy and I can do the planning.

You don't even need to be in the house.

-[Pørni] No.
-Uh, Poppy.

[Poppy] Hmm?

Could you go and put these
out there on the kitchen table?

-[Poppy] Of course.
-Okay? Uh...

Sweetie, I'm really, really happy that
you want to help out with the wedding,

but it's my big day, and Poppy is the pro.

So, you go on and stop worrying
about your old man.

"Get a life", as Hanna would say.
You take care of that.

-That's all you need to do.
-[sighs]

[Poppy] I'm starting to like
the mint green runner.

Don't you think it would look fresh
against the white?

[Ole Johan] Yeah.

PERNILLE

-♪ Don't you tell me what to do... ♪
-[theme music fades]

It all sounds very professional to me.

Yeah. Yesterday the federation's president
did a talk between sessions.

And today we're watching I am Zlatan
and having pizza.

But it's annoying 'cause I did say
to Amund that I'd be with him today

as he's pissed we haven't hung out.

FROM TUVA: COME TO NESODDEN.
ASTRID, KJETIL AND HIS FRIEND ARE COMING

Okay. Can't he come tomorrow?
Do you want a smoothie?

-I've eaten.
-Are you going to pass Girls 16?

SIGRID HAS SOCCER
AT THE NATIONAL TEAM SCHOOL

We share the surname.
Don't ruin the Middelthon reputation.

It's a talent seminar.

WE HAVE BEDS! THE SUMMER HOUSE IS LOVELY.

You look so nice.
Have you got a summer job interview?

Summer job, as if.
Peter's coming. I'm going to the station.

[teasingly] He's coming an awful lot.
I think he likes you. [chuckles]

Mother, just 'cause he's from Liverpool,
you don't need to go all mother-in-law.

It's not that serious.
He just likes Oslo, nothing more.

Oslo is a nice attraction.
But he likes you.

No, he doesn't.

I mean, Oslo has been rated
the city to visit by The Guardian.

Ah, you read The Guardian
all of a sudden, do you?

[Hanna] Peter told me.
Am I too overdressed? Should I change?

You know you can bring him
to Granddad's wedding, though?

You can take a plus-one. You look lovely.

And even if Oslo is the place to visit,
you're the one he keeps coming back for.

-Oh! I'm too overdressed. I knew it!
-Hanna, you look so nice.

But she's not overdressed.
I don't get it. What did I say?

[sighs] You didn't say anything.
She was way overdressed.

She's meeting him at Oslo station,
not in the queue outside the Berghain.

How do you know such things?
Do you want me to drive you?

Everything's on YouTube.
No, it's fine. I'll take my bike.

Yeah? Are you sure?

Yeah, you should try having a hobby
instead of driving us everywhere.

We're too old for that now.
And I know how to make a smoothie as well.

Okay. I'll come to watch your game
on Saturday as your support team.

[Sigrid] Granddad's coming.

-No one else is bringing their parents.
-Oh, right.

Uh, is it very rude of me to ask if you
can stay out tonight if Peter's coming?

No, it's not rude, asking people
to stay away from their own home.

You don't need to stay away,
but I thought it's kind of cringe.

I mean, if when he comes round,
you're here as well.

Or you can stay here, but could you be up
in your room, do you think?

Oh, and on Saturday.

I wanted him to meet Njål and the others
round here, so if you could not be here,

that would be great.

Make hay while the sun shines, Mum.

All right.

[moody, rhythmic music playing]

TO TUVA: IS IT TOO LATE TO SAY YES
TO SATURDAY AFTER ALL?

[Bjørnar] Okay, let's go.

-[Marie] Can't we just go to McDonald's?
-[Bjørnar] No, we can't every day.

-I want 9 nuggets and 2 cheeseburgers.
-[Pørni] Hey, you two.

You remember me? Pørni?

You were both so small
when I saw you the last time.

I heard you say you were hungry,

and I know we have some cinnamon buns
left over in the kitchen

that Madjid has baked for us.

If your dad says you're allowed them.

Yes, go on and get a few, then.
No more than three.

-Oh my God. They've grown, haven't they?
-[Bjørnar] Yeah, I know.

-You still have a dog as well?
-Yeah, I'm stuck with Randi.

[both chuckle]

Well, Mai-Lis has gone to that spa
with that... that therapist from Mosjøen,

and then on Saturday,
she's going to take the kids

to Mallorca for a whole week.

FROM TUVA: HOORAY! COME!

When they get back, it's my turn again.

-Mm-hmm.
-I'm taking them to The World's End.

-I've rented a cabin there.
-We'll be just round the corner, then.

We're renting one of Yngvar's cabins
in Hvasser.

Is that where you always went before?
Or is that another one?

No. My grandparents had a cabin there
when they were alive.

But we haven't gone there since Anne died,
so it's quite a big thing.

Hmm. Would you like to meet up there?

Obviously not if you've got plans
and everything.

I'll just be there alone with the twins,
and we need things to do.

-Yeah, we'll have to do something.
-Cool.

What do you have
on your first week's plan, then?

I'm going to work.

They're short of people
on the emergency line.

Well, uh, I could help out with that.

The kids are currently attempting
to evict me.

And my dad doesn't want me
to help plan the wedding, so I'm free.

Oh, you found them.
And so did you. Shall we make a move?

First one out the building
gets to have Randi on their lap. Go!

She's named after Randi Hansen,
the singer.

[chuckles]

Actually, now I think of it,
would you jump on a shift tonight?

I said I would, and I know
they're at least one short,

so if it's not too short notice?

Too short notice? Count me in.
I can answer the phones for you.

-Okay, great.
-Mm.

-See you then. Bye.
-Mm-hmm.

See you.

Okay. So, I'm off to work.

Ignore me. I'm not staying.

Oh, no rush. It's a shame you can't stay.

Hanna invited Finn and, um...

I don't know how to pronounce it.
Undies? Undies?

-Undis and Finn? So, are they invited?
-Yeah.

They wanted to spend
some more time with Peter.

And so, we're just going to have,
like, pre-drinks here,

then they're going to a party,

and we're going out,
so it's just like a small... small thing.

Uh, and Sigrid?

I said I'd work tonight 'cause I thought
the two of you were staying at home.

But she likes having the house to herself.
She's not a baby, is she?

-No, I didn't...
-[Finn] Hello! The door was open!

-Yeah, hi.
-Hi.

Good evening, sir.
How wonderful to see you again, Peter.

The man from the homeland
of Keats and Yates.

Yeah. Well... was Yates Irish? Um...

"Yes, I will be thy priest

and build a fane
in some untrodden region of my mind."

-That's from "Ode to Psyche".
-Okay. Erm...

That's impressive.

Yeah, sorry for, uh, inviting them here,

but, um, I thought it would be
less embarrassing to have them over here.

And a little bit nicer
than Dad dragging us

to some place he thinks is cool.

No, it's fine. Don't worry.

[Finn] "We shall fight
on the landing grounds."

"We shall fight
in the hills and never surrender!"

Rescue your boyfriend. Now.

Yeah, he's not my boyfriend,
but, uh, have a good night.

-Uh, Prosecco, uh, anyone?
-[door closes]

[gentle music playing]

[Elin] Okay, have you talked to Mum?
Can she come?

Okay, fine. I'm coming.

Are we going out?

No, sorry. My daughter has a fever.

And it's my turn to go back home.

You go.

But, Linda, I'll ring Norunn
to see if she can cover me.

Yup.

-[Elin] You know all the procedures?
-Mm. Don't you worry.

[Elin] All right.

-Have a good shift.
-I hope your daughter's doing all right.

-Yeah. Bye, then. Thanks.
-[Elin] Yeah. Have a good shift.

[phone rings]

-Do you want to...
-Yeah.

Hi. Child Emergency Welfare.
This is Pernille.

Yeah. Hi there. [sniffles]

Okay. Uh, it's the police.

Can you please say the address again?

Yeah. What's the number?

Yeah, understood.
So, we'll be there right behind you, then.

There's a domestic disturbance,
so we're heading over there.

But I'll take my car, okay?

If you can grab the radio,
and I'll see you outside.

[Bjørnar] Yes. Yes.

Is this the...

-Yeah. That's it.
-[Bjørnar] Yeah.

[sombre, gentle music playing]

[man on radio] Any units in the area,
please assist.

Backup requested.
Please confirm your ETA to the scene.

-Hey, I'm so glad you picked up.
-Hi.

-Yeah, just go in and to the right.
-Yeah.

-Okay, so she's really quite upset.
-Yeah.

So, it would be for the best

if you could tell her tomorrow
that her mum's at the hospital.

In case they wake up,
I'll stay with them tonight.

They'll have Oddvar in the morning,
so we can talk with them. So...

-[girl] Is Mum awake yet?
-[Pørni] Your mum's at the doctor's.

[Pørni] Are you all right there?

[Bjørnar] Um, I'm just not used
to violence, or I mean,

seeing the consequences up close.

[Pørni] You're not supposed
to get used to it.

That's good. It's a healthy sign.

But you see
that sort of thing on the front line.

Are you gonna be all right?

Mm.

Yeah, I am. It's okay.

[engine turns over]

Is that better?

Just what I needed.

That, and the little debrief.

That was really helpful.

I'm glad the kids are out of there.

Oh, yeah. I think they're
in the best possible place, you know?

Pia's just brilliant at this.

-Hi! Hello, guys.
-[Hanna] Haven't you gone to bed?

No, not yet.

We had to have a debrief
because we had a rough...

[slurring] Bjørnar! Hi.

Oh, that's... Oh, that... that's...
Well, that's very romantic, you know.

Uh, so many complications.

Bjørnar is, like,
the love of my mum's life.

-Hi, Bjørnar.
-Hello. Have you had a nice evening?

-Hanna, that's enough.
-[Hanna] Let me just tell you one thing.

And that is
if you should hurt my mum again,

then I'll make sure
that your life is hell, got it?

Just so you know.

God, Mum isn't doing well
at all without you.

Their love is so strong
that they just can't keep apart,

and it's so cute.

[quietly] I'm so sorry.

-[softly] It's okay.
-[Hanna continues chattering]

We shouldn't drink spirits in our family.

Perhaps I'll just see you at Hvasser?

Yes, definitely.

That would be top.

-Yeah. We'll be there on the 14th.
-Yes.

Great. I'm excited
to see Yngvar's new habitat.

Yeah?

[tender music playing]

-Have a good summer.
-Yeah. I hope you do too.

-Mm.
-Lovely.

-Okay.
-Yes. [clears throat]

-Buh-bye.
-Bye.

Yeah.

[sighs]

-[insects chirring]
-[seabirds calling]

[Tuva] Welcome to our humble summer abode.

[Pørni] Oh my God, this is amazing.

-How long are you staying here?
-[Tuva] Six weeks. Isn't it nice?

[Pørni] Mm.

I'm getting a real holiday feeling,
though I'll spend the summer working.

-And it's only 20 minutes into town.
-Mm.

And it's not 20 minutes at all.

It's one of the myths of Nesodden.

You battle massive jams if you go by road.

Boats take 20 minutes,
but you have to get to the boat as well.

You're sleeping in the annex, by the way.
There's two of them back there.

You've got one,
and Jon will take the other one.

-Jon?
-Kjetil's friend.

I did tell you, right?
That Kjetil's brought a friend.

-[Pørni] Mm.
-And he's single.

And only has three boxes to tick off
for any potential women.

Okay, I get it.
So, this is a match-making break.

I didn't expect that.

So, what are his criteria, Astrid?

Number one, things can't be
too complicated with her family.

Number two,
well, she can't always be talking.

And number three,
should have a boat licence.

I don't tick a single one of those boxes.

If you ask me, the boat licence
isn't as important as Kjetil says.

-Twenty-one, at least.
-That's not more than 20 degrees.

-Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
-No.

[Tuva] Lars? I think you need
to get the barbecue started.

-Yes.
-Uh, it was 19, tops.

Yeah, but just imagine
that he's not wearing a nose clip.

[Pørni] Mm.

Wow, you mean that I can go
wherever I want for a whole weekend?

Wherever I decide?

Yeah, your decision.

We couldn't celebrate your 40th,
so we're doing it ourselves.

Maybe stick to Europe,
though, as it's just a weekend.

We'll take care of it,
but we go wherever you fancy.

-Auschwitz.
-Auschwitz?

Auschwitz and Birkenau. Yep.

[chuckles]

Yeah, but it doesn't need to have a theme.

We were thinking more a city
or a beach break.

Palma, for example, or Barcelona.
They have beaches, but also city stuff.

Yeah, but I've always dreamt
of going to Auschwitz.

-I've never been to Auschwitz.
-[Jon] I've been.

It was very depressing.

Yes, exactly. You should have been
to Auschwitz by the time you're 40.

-Don't you think? Huh?
-I agree with you.

We should remember.

We just imagined cava and sea views.

But if you want to go to Auschwitz,
we'll happily go there.

[Kjetil] What a lovely gift.
A weekend away.

There are some really phenomenal
salt mines near Kraków too.

Yeah, I did hear that.

And is it just me, or is Polish cuisine
a little underrated?

They do have more than cabbage rolls.
-Cabbage rolls?

-Gołąbki, is that it?
-Gołąbki, yeah. Not very nice.

But okay, if you change your mind,

then we saw
a very chic boutique hotel in Palma.

Oh, yes, no, I won't change my mind.

I was so upset when Walter
and his class went there

with the school
and they weren't allowed to take parents.

What a fantastic gift, huh? Auschwitz!

How long is Lars gonna be
on the phone for? The entire night?

Oh, it's that court case he's got on.
It's how our summer's going to be.

He has to go back and forth
to appease the clients, and...

I think it's something I could accept
if I lived here, though.

[Tuva] Exactly, isn't it gorgeous?

-I have to say, I'm loving it out here.
-Mm.

Have you got a boating licence?

-What, me? No.
-Sorry.

It's the defendant's right
to call their lawyer

at any time on a Friday night.

-Constitutional right.
-[Kjetil] Clearly.

[Lars] Yes.

I imagined that you'd rented somewhere

more like that house
in The Worst Person in the World,

where that woman hits her head
on a light bulb.

Oh, that is a gorgeous house.
Oh, and an even better film.

-Yes, it's a very long film. [chuckles]
-[phone chimes]

-Uh, is there any more rosé or...
-We'll take care of that.

I'd better ring Dad. He keeps calling me.

-Is it bridezilla stuff?
-Oh, yeah.

[Lars chuckles]

Hi, bridegroom.

I'm, uh, at Tuva's, so I can't talk now.

Dad, are you all right?

Dad, are you at home? Are you...

Okay, you stay calm,
and I'll... I'll get some help.

-I'll be there right away.
-He doesn't have A*DS.

-A*DS? No.
-I think he has cancer.

Is any of you under the limit
who could drive me to Oslo?

-There's something up with my dad.
-What?

Wait, what's going on?

The tallest person in the world can drive.
I've had a light beer.

[Pørni] Hi. I need an ambulance.

[sombre music playing]

[Lars] You go on in,
and I'll park the car.

-[panting] Hi. I'm the daughter.
-Yes. Yeah, uh, we've checked him over.

But he doesn't want
to come with us to the hospital.

Sounds like him.

-Don't hesitate to call us if it happens.
-All right.

[medic] Because a panic attack like that
can sometimes be scary at that age.

-Yeah, of course. Thank you.
-[medic] Yeah.

-Hi, Dad.
-Hi, honey.

Don't get so stressed
that you give yourself a panic attack.

No, no, no, no. It's not a panic attack.
Just blood pressure.

The ambulance man said
it was a panic attack.

No, no. I don't panic.

Why are you wearing
your bridegroom suit, Dad?

In case you died,
so you'd be buried in it?

[chuckles] No.

[coughs] I just wanted to come by
and try it on

and see how it looked on me
while Stephen was off hiking.

[sighs] And then I discover

that I can't lose enough weight
for the wedding.

Perhaps you could buy one your size,
so you don't stress out so much.

[sighs] Instead of losing weight,
I've put on so much

that I have... hypotension when I try
to do up my trousers. [chuckles]

I've rung Stephen,
so he's on his way over.

No, no, no, no, no!
Why would you do such a thing?

Stephen can't see me
in my... my suit before the wedding.

What... what have you done?

Please, Dad. Do not get worked up.

You'll have another panic attack
if you freak out.

It's not a panic attack!
It's blood pressure, all right?

To think that you would ring Stephen!
You, my son, Brutus.

Okay, but why don't you get
out of the suit,

and I'll go and tell Lars
there's nothing to worry about.

-Are you sure?
-Yeah.

Okay, but if you change your mind,
I'll still be here,

going over evidence with Milla.

Milla, is that a colleague?

Yeah, she's my assistant.

I won't go back to Nesodden
till after that.

Thanks, but don't worry yourself.
I don't know when Stephen's coming home.

I can come and see you
at Nesodden later this summer.

-Okay. I hope he feels better soon.
-Thanks, Lars.

[pensive music playing]

-[Pørni] Harald S? Who is that?
-[Ole Johan] Yes.

Yes, that... that's my dentist.

I don't think it's a good idea
if Elisabeth sits the other side of Madjid

because she ends up saying r*cist things
after half a glass of prosecco.

Oh, my God, there's no use doing this.

Why don't we just go all in
on free seating?

No, but we can just swap Hanna with
Harald's widow, yes? That'll be all right.

And Peter can't come
because he's working with some band.

How about Anna?
She's with Charlie. Where will she sit?

Go on. Find her a spot.
She doesn't know anyone.

Well, they're not really together,
so she doesn't have to come.

They barely know each other.

She's been invited.

She's a lovely girl.

Charlie invited us both to join them
at a fancy restaurant in Oslo once.

Why did he do that?

What do you mean, "Why did he do that?"

They've moved in together.

She really is very sweet.

And when I went to visit Leo up in Voss,

Anna cooked this delicious bacalao,

even though she's Dutch.

But you don't have to invite people

because they cook a good bacalao
or whatever.

Now, you listen.
Stop what you're doing here.

Charlie has lived alone three years now.

And he's too young to be alone
for the rest of his life.

He has to be able to move on,
even if you aren't able to do that.

-[door opens]
-[Stephen] Hello?

-Hi.
-[Ole Johan] Hello! We're in the kitchen.

-Oh...
-Hello.

-How are you? Hmm?
-Mm.

-Did you have a panic attack?
-No, it wasn't a panic attack.

[grunts] It was a blood pressure drop.

Sorry. It was my fault.

I made Dad upset because I didn't like it
that Anna had been invited.

[Stephen] Yes, I understand
it must be hard for you.

But you know, she's a lovely girl.

[chuckles] And she's like a little elf.
It's impossible not to like her.

Yeah?

But sorry, I just went off hiking,
and you... you had to rush down here, and...

No, you should go hiking,
even if my dad's become a bride monster.

Yes. That's what he is.

[sombre music playing]

Right, my love.

I am very certain that I don't need you
in the event committee.

-All right.
-There's just one thing.

Can you help me with...
I so want to get into my tuxedo.

Can you help me with that?

If that's what you want,
then of course I'll do that.

And there's one more thing.

Anna's going to be there.

Fine. You're the bridegroom.

Great. Because you know the slogan? Huh?

"Everyone's invited."

-"Everyone's invited."
-[chuckles]

Maybe not Finn, do you think?

[sighs] I shall be slimmed down,
but the wedding will be huge!

Point taken.

Great plan, Dad.

[gentle music playing]

-[laughing]
-[Pørni] Hi.

Did you all sleep over here last night?
That's nice.

-Hi.
-Uh, aren't you at Tuva's summer house?

Long story. It's, um...

But Sigrid's left already?

Yeah, uh, she left with Amund
and his parents about an hour ago.

All sorted, then.

Was it a good, uh, day yesterday?

-Yeah, we went swimming and...
-Yeah.

...saw the Viking ships and the Kon-Tiki.

I had 14 missed calls
from Granddad, by the way,

but I was engaged.

No. [laughs]

As in... We're not engaged, obviously.

As in... We're not... [laughs]

That's why I ended up coming back.
'Cause Granddad took a bad turn.

-Oh.
-He's all better now. I'll tell you later.

Okay. You can tell us all.

Uh, your grandfather had
this panic... Not panic, but, um...

-It's hypotension or something like that.
-Oh, a drop in blood pressure?

-[Pørni] Yes.
-[Peter] Is he okay?

[Pørni] Yeah. Yeah, he's fine.

Yeah? Hey, why don't you grab yourself
a coffee, come and join us?

Uh, I'm helping Granddad
into his wedding tux, so I won't make it.

-Oh, are you sure?
-Yeah, sorry.

Have a great day, guys.

[up-tempo music playing]

Yeah, okay.

All okay? Or did I fail the exam?

It's a bit of both.

Your BMI is high, but on the plus side,
you have a low versatile fat percentage,

so it's not bad.

What is versatile fat percentage?

Basically, it means
that you don't need to do fat blasting

with core work,
but you need to build muscle.

So, do you have goals?
What is your fitness journey?

Well, I have to say that
I've just come here for my dad's sake.

Right, but he's on a roll.

He has clear goals,
and he knows what he wants to do here.

So, what about you?
What do you want to achieve?

Um, well, I could do with shedding
some pounds before my dad's wedding, um...

Actually, can I think about it
a little bit?

I suggest you make use of the session now
to decide that.

Pernille, you've got to have goals
in life.

Okay.

[whimsical music playing]

-[panting]
-And catch your breath. Swap over now.

Hey, so he told me
that a stone's too much,

but I can do over half a stone
if I stay motivated.

-You know what he said to me?
-No.

Not to show off,
but I have a low versatile fat percentage.

Hey, focus, and make a decision.

Do you want to lose weight
for your wedding,

or will you spend your time gossiping?

Can't we do both things?

Not with me as your PT.
From the top, then. One minute. Go!

Give me two weeks.

I'll have the lowest
versatile fat percentage you've ever seen.

[whimsical music continues]

[music fades]